Book Jacket

 

rank 5456
word count 55848
date submitted 03.04.2009
date updated 04.08.2009
genres: Literary Fiction, Thriller, Romance...
classification: universal
incomplete

THE BEACH AT HERCULANEUM

Susan Muth

A young widow confronts her own tragic past by experiencing life through the eyes of an ancient Roman woman who died in the Vesuvius eruption.

 

Anne is still grieving for her husband and son when the disturbing dreams begin. A devout Catholic, Anne seeks refuge in a convent, but even there the dreams pursue her until she is finally asked to leave. Alone and adrift, Anne travels to Italy in hopes of recovering her flagging faith. This search leads her to the ruins of Herculaneum, a Roman town that died in the eruption of Vesuvius in 79 AD.

There Anne’s dreams and visions intensify, especially after a young archeologist shows her the skeletons in a newly discovered portion of Herculaneum’s ancient beachfront. There is strong potential for a relationship with this man, but Anne is too deeply damaged for intimacy.

Meanwhile Anne's alter ego, an ancient Roman woman named Daphne, begins to emerge. Through Daphne, Anne re-lives the events leading up to the eruption and experiences the Dionysian passions that drive this woman to her agonized death. At the same time, Daphne begins to catch flashes of Anne’s memories.

As the end nears, the two women -- polar opposites in temperament and separated by the centuries, but linked by a shared tragedy -- reach out to each other. Each, in her own way, is healed.

 
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tags

paranormal, psycho-suspense

on 8 watchlists

104 comments

 

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Lord Biro wrote 990 days ago

This is a very interesting variation on the time lapse theme. I remember reading the Nat Geographic article on the beach at Herculaneum many years ago and you seem to have successfully brought the archaeology to life.The eruption of Vesuvius makes for a very effective prologue, I always thought it was ironic that it happened after the festival of Vulcan - there's gratitude! I love the idea of comparing ancient and modern attitudes to religion and the differing role that faith plays in the lives of people through the ages. I look forward to reading more to find out what happens as the worlds of Daphne and Anne interweave. The theme of recurring cycles of time is one I have also made use of in my own ancient world saga - Fire in the Water.

Best of luck, Kevin

Suzanne Adams wrote 1008 days ago

A very enterprising project and seemingly alluring.
At fifty five thousand words to date one is intrigued to discover where this might lead?


petrifiedtank wrote 1012 days ago

Hi,

This is good. It's a great premise, and very well executed.

I'm backing it.

On a personal note, I think the heavy use of italics may be problematic for a publisher - it may not, though. I may be off the mark on this.

Also, sometimes the dialogue felt a little forced - but seriously, I think this a writer's quibble, and not something a publisher would worry about...

My usual disclaimer applies, though - what do I know?!

Cheers, good luck with this,

Craig

Nel wrote 1013 days ago

This is so compelling to read and I couldn't stop. Your writing stirs emotions. The description is very good and very accurate. I visited Herculaneum last year and felt as if I was back there again. Shelved.

Susan Muth wrote 1018 days ago

Thank you, thank you, thank you! This has been a miserable day, and I almost didn't log on because I felt so burnt-out, but your comment has bouyed me up like you can't believe. With what little time is left this evening, I'm going to read and review another book (in order of appearance on my watchlist). This is only fair, but I might just bump you up a few spaces just because you made my day.
Susan

Susan,

This is a paranormal, literary triumph! I am loving this, you intertwine genres effortlessly with the romance and thriller aspects...the prose is beautiful, painfully beautiful...words just dance off the tip of your pen. The quality of this far surpasses that of my own writing and I love feeling like I could learn from an author. I particularly like the setting - you establish it well and give the reader a good sense of place. An engaging premise and a cracking opening - giving it a spin on my revolving shelf space in the hope of banishing that blasted red arrow. This is a book that deserves to rise up the charts. I'll recommend it to a few other readers on here.

Very glad I came for the swap read, one of the best reads of the day!
Good luck with HERCULANEUM :)
Melanie x

Cellardoor wrote 1018 days ago

Susan,

This is a paranormal, literary triumph! I am loving this, you intertwine genres effortlessly with the romance and thriller aspects...the prose is beautiful, painfully beautiful...words just dance off the tip of your pen. The quality of this far surpasses that of my own writing and I love feeling like I could learn from an author. I particularly like the setting - you establish it well and give the reader a good sense of place. An engaging premise and a cracking opening - giving it a spin on my revolving shelf space in the hope of banishing that blasted red arrow. This is a book that deserves to rise up the charts. I'll recommend it to a few other readers on here.

Very glad I came for the swap read, one of the best reads of the day!
Good luck with HERCULANEUM :)
Melanie x

Susan Muth wrote 1020 days ago

Phillp, Many thanks for shelving HERCULANEUM. I'm interested in your book and would like to read it. Right now, though, I've up to my eyeballs in backlog and will have to whittle it down a bit before I can get to you. I am, however, watchlisting you and will not forget your encouragement and backing. Soon, I promise.
Susan

I like your premise here and I like the way you tell your story. I really feel I can believe in your characters.
Herculaneum is now on my shelf.
Good luck and best wishes. Phil. (Hallam's Ghosts)

Susan Muth wrote 1020 days ago

Hi, Bob. Thank you for your kind words about HERCULANEUM. I gather you, too, are an ancient history buff. I am very interested in reading your book, but I'm overwhelmed with backlog right now and trying to catch up. I'm watchlisting you for now and will get to you asap. Promise.
Susan

What a superb opening chapter and prologue! I love the idea of the book and I''m sure the metal god would approve of the plug for Vulcanalia! For sure I'll read more.

Bob x

Philip Carlton wrote 1021 days ago

I like your premise here and I like the way you tell your story. I really feel I can believe in your characters.
Herculaneum is now on my shelf.
Good luck and best wishes. Phil. (Hallam's Ghosts)

Cato Sulla wrote 1021 days ago

What a superb opening chapter and prologue! I love the idea of the book and I''m sure the metal god would approve of the plug for Vulcanalia! For sure I'll read more.

Bob x

Susan Muth wrote 1024 days ago

Thank you. Lalit. Had a really hectic day today so didn't get any reading done. Also, tomorrow is my B'day, so various activities planned. However, Thursday and maybe Friday look good. Don't give up on me.

Susan

Hello Susan,

This is well written and easy to read.
Anne ..... so innocent and vulnerable ... at the same time strong in some ways. Great characterization.

Shelved

Lalit Navani ( Koffee with Kiran )

Alecia Stone wrote 1028 days ago

Hi Susan,

This is a poignant tale. Anne is such an engaging character. Your dialogue is powerful and your characters feel real. The narrative voice felt authentic and pulled me in. I sympathised deeply with Anne.

Good ending in chap 2. It made me want to read on. Chap 3 maintains the energy and flow. The interaction between Anne and Linda felt natural.

This is very well written and was an enjoyable read.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

Susan Muth wrote 1029 days ago

Sheila,
Man, did your comment ever make my day! I've had my right arm in a cast for two weeks and was gimpy before that, so my participation on this site has fallen off. Sometimes I tend to lose my nerve, you know? I have a nagging inner voice just like Anne's that starts undermining my confidence with little thoughts like, "Come on, Susan, who do you think you are, Virginia Wolfe?" But when I read something like this, I sit up straight and say, "Hey, maybe I'm not kidding myself, afterall." You are very generous to offer such praise and encouragement, and I appreciate it more than you can know. I will get into PINPOINT in the next day or two and try to respond before the end of the month.
Susan

Susan,
I am absolutely enraptured by your prologue and first chapter, and intend to read right to the end as soon as time permits. Your prose is beautiful, almost poetic, and flows like crystal water over large smooth round stones, giving it that essential lift and dip that makes it stand out from almost every other piece of writing on authonomy. Notice the adverbs I used. Not nearly as essential as yours are as this is written in a hurry. But I do hope you will not take any notice of the critics who have said you should avoid adverbs. This advice is directed at writers who use adverbs to try to liven up dead verbs. Your adverbs are lively and absolutely essential. Not one of them is out of place. Not one of them jarred. Not one of them should be deleted as this would rob the sentence of its richness.
I am always very honest in my assessment of a ms and if I think a writer needs some help I will always offer it, although I do not profess to be any kind of expert. But you do not need any advice. Your writing is exceptionally good, and this novel should already be on the Editor's Desk. And with these few inadequate words of praise, I am happy to say I am putting your novel on my shelf.
All the best,
Sheila (Pinpoint)

Sheila Belshaw wrote 1030 days ago

Susan,
I am absolutely enraptured by your prologue and first chapter, and intend to read right to the end as soon as time permits. Your prose is beautiful, almost poetic, and flows like crystal water over large smooth round stones, giving it that essential lift and dip that makes it stand out from almost every other piece of writing on authonomy. Notice the adverbs I used. Not nearly as essential as yours are as this is written in a hurry. But I do hope you will not take any notice of the critics who have said you should avoid adverbs. This advice is directed at writers who use adverbs to try to liven up dead verbs. Your adverbs are lively and absolutely essential. Not one of them is out of place. Not one of them jarred. Not one of them should be deleted as this would rob the sentence of its richness.
I am always very honest in my assessment of a ms and if I think a writer needs some help I will always offer it, although I do not profess to be any kind of expert. But you do not need any advice. Your writing is exceptionally good, and this novel should already be on the Editor's Desk. And with these few inadequate words of praise, I am happy to say I am putting your novel on my shelf.
All the best,
Sheila (Pinpoint)

C.P. wrote 1030 days ago

Well written. Good luck.
Connie

Susan Muth wrote 1031 days ago

Thank you so much. My arm comes out of the cast Thursday, so I'll be able to type again with my right hand. My left is nearly useless. Back to you soon.
Susan

Good work!

Shelved.

RIchard Davies

Cherenkov wrote 1034 days ago

Good work!

Shelved.

RIchard Davies

Susan Muth wrote 1037 days ago

Paolito,
Thanks very much for your interest i n HERCULANEUM. I appreciate your comments and support. The novel is not religious, i n the traditional sense but is, at least in part, an exploration of the spiritual. As for the adverbs, I'm conflicted on this point. I know they're out of vogue and should not be relied upon, but I'm not prepared to banish them from the language just yet either. I will read your book, but right now my arm's in a cast and it's very hard to type. (It's actually taken quite a while to do this.) It comes off on the 30h, and I'll be back in busi ness.
Susan

The Beach at Herculaneum...

Now that I've read your partial, I'm definitely shelving this book. What I see is a writer who is true to herself, and that's so important in writing. Although I am not religious, I was raised in a religious home and have studied comparative religious philosophy on and off over the years. I'm glad that you are exploring these issues. It is especially difficult to keep one's faith during the grieving process.

Shelved, of course.

Cheers,
Sheryl
IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES (would love your honest reactions)

Paolito wrote 1042 days ago

The Beach at Herculaneum...

Now that I've read your partial, I'm definitely shelving this book. What I see is a writer who is true to herself, and that's so important in writing. Although I am not religious, I was raised in a religious home and have studied comparative religious philosophy on and off over the years. I'm glad that you are exploring these issues. It is especially difficult to keep one's faith during the grieving process.

Shelved, of course.

Cheers,
Sheryl
IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES (would love your honest reactions)

Paolito wrote 1042 days ago

The Beach at Herculaneum...

C.2 is as compelling as c.1, but here I do have a couple of nits with the writing (easy ones to fix).

First, exclamation marks have gone out of fashion with agents and editors, even for imperatives...my grade school English teacher is rolling over in her grave, no doubt.

Second, almost always avoid adverbs; they tend to prop up weak verbs, and/or they don't add much value, and they do rob you of the opportunity to say something fresher and more profound.

Loved the hint about banishment near the end of this chapter.

Reading on...

Paolito wrote 1042 days ago

The Beach at Herculaneum...

Just finished your opening chapter. Incredibly powerful and sad. Your main character's reactions to the deaths of her loved ones are very real. As a reader, I do so want this woman to heal.

Reading on...

JANVIER wrote 1043 days ago

Hello Susan,

You have a very emotive story here of family, loss, hope and courage. Very intuitively observed.This is a polished writing that flows smoothly , made all the more brilliant by the colourful characters. The pacing fits in neatly with the story development and the plot is a compelling as well.

Overall, this is a brilliant work that is difficult to put away once one starts reading it. Rightly shelved.

All the best.

Janvier (Flash of the Sun)

Susan Muth wrote 1049 days ago

Hi, Mark

Thanks so much for your interest in HERCULANEUM. Your comments are specific and to-the-point, as well as heartening. I've been worried that, since my mc is female, this would be considered "women's fiction," which is not a genre I particularly enjoy reading, let alone writing. I just understand a female character better. This novel is really about confronting death and coming out on the other side with a new perspective on life. I sense that you're the kind of reader who has the patience to appreciate that. Your novel sounds really cool; I'm curious to see how you handle a female narrator. I'll give it a read asap.
Susan

Love this wonderful, winding plot of back and forth, as the dream sequences show the past to Anne. Anne is a great character, the reader can easily empathise with her pain and the choices she makes. She is a well thought out character, and her heartache is dealt with touchingly. The descriptive writing as she reaches Herculaneum was really well done, and this gripping plot will keep readers enthralled. Shelved.

Susan Muth wrote 1049 days ago

Thanks, Mark. Based on your pitch and bio, I suspect this is not your prefered kind of read, so your taking the time to read and back it is very encouraging to me. I'm working on my backlist today and tomorrow, so I hope to get to you soon.
Susan

Hey,
I enjoyed this.
You write well enough and you've constructed an entertaining story.
I think this will continue to do well on authonomy, so i'm going to back you to show my support.

Regards,

Mark H

Professor Iwik wrote 1050 days ago

Hey,
I enjoyed this.
You write well enough and you've constructed an entertaining story.
I think this will continue to do well on authonomy, so i'm going to back you to show my support.

Regards,

Mark H

mn73 wrote 1050 days ago

Love this wonderful, winding plot of back and forth, as the dream sequences show the past to Anne. Anne is a great character, the reader can easily empathise with her pain and the choices she makes. She is a well thought out character, and her heartache is dealt with touchingly. The descriptive writing as she reaches Herculaneum was really well done, and this gripping plot will keep readers enthralled. Shelved.

Susan Muth wrote 1052 days ago

Thanks so much for noticing HERCULANEUM, Kendall. You actually answered some of the questions I've had about the opening. And, yes, the dream sequences are related to the Prologue -- they are Daphne's memories. I will take a look at "Halo" in the next day or two and get back to you with comments. Meanwhile, I have you watchlisted.
Susan

I was searching for romances and came across your book - and I am glad I did. I greatly enjoyed the prologue, more so when I got to chapter 1 and noted your different writing styles. There was so much emotion in that chapter and you built it all up so well in stages that I could see the interactions with Barry -especially before the accident- as strong memories which make you all the more devastated by the main characters loss. The dream sequences are thoroughly thought provoking and I find myself trying to work out if there is a link between them and the prologue. Very unique and certainly something I would have on my shelf at home, so it is backed with pleasure!
Kendall Craig (The Halo of Delight)

Kendall Craig wrote 1053 days ago

I was searching for romances and came across your book - and I am glad I did. I greatly enjoyed the prologue, more so when I got to chapter 1 and noted your different writing styles. There was so much emotion in that chapter and you built it all up so well in stages that I could see the interactions with Barry -especially before the accident- as strong memories which make you all the more devastated by the main characters loss. The dream sequences are thoroughly thought provoking and I find myself trying to work out if there is a link between them and the prologue. Very unique and certainly something I would have on my shelf at home, so it is backed with pleasure!
Kendall Craig (The Halo of Delight)

Susan Muth wrote 1053 days ago

Thank you, JM

I know what you mean about this being too heavy at times. I'm wondering how far you read. By ch 3 the feel changes. I'm hoping the reader will bear with me on the basis of the premonitory dreams and visions. Your novel sounds good to me. I'll start reading in the next day or two. Sadly, my surgery planned for last Tuesday had to be postponed because of -- can you believe it? -- poison ivy all over the effected arm. So, I'm still not supposed to be on the keyboard until after the 15th, when it's rescheduled. I'm going to keep reading, but my comments will have to be succinct.
Susan

As a wife and mother, I found this quite hard to read at times - but in a good way. I'm not religious, but I found Anne's struggle with her faith powerful and moving. Well-written and heartfelt, this is a story that deserves a wider audience.
If I had to find a fault, it would be that the emotion can be a little too intense and relentless at times - partly a result, I guess, of writing in the first person. I'm wondering if there is a way occasionally of putting a little more distance between Anne's emotions and the reader - a little breathing space, so to speak. Perhaps by showing her doing ordinary day-to day things, reacting to ordinary people..... To be honest, I'm not sure I know what I'm talking about - and I'd hesitate to tinker with something that works so well as it is. Shelved!
JMD
The Alchemist's Heir

J M Dalhousie wrote 1055 days ago

As a wife and mother, I found this quite hard to read at times - but in a good way. I'm not religious, but I found Anne's struggle with her faith powerful and moving. Well-written and heartfelt, this is a story that deserves a wider audience.
If I had to find a fault, it would be that the emotion can be a little too intense and relentless at times - partly a result, I guess, of writing in the first person. I'm wondering if there is a way occasionally of putting a little more distance between Anne's emotions and the reader - a little breathing space, so to speak. Perhaps by showing her doing ordinary day-to day things, reacting to ordinary people..... To be honest, I'm not sure I know what I'm talking about - and I'd hesitate to tinker with something that works so well as it is. Shelved!
JMD
The Alchemist's Heir

Susan Muth wrote 1060 days ago

Hi, MM

Your review literally gave me goosebumps. I guess everybody gets cold feet sometimes. Maybe I'm not good enough...maybe nobody's ever going to read all this stuff I've written...maybe I've been kidding myself all along...etc. But unsolicited encouragement like this makes me want to keep trying. My story is not autobiographical, but the emotions are, and sharing them is so intimate and so scary. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your generosity. I do like both du Maurier and Stewart; maybe I'll look for a copy of "Don't Look Now." I'm very interested in reading your work, but right now I'm not even supposed to be on the keyboard (carpal tunnel syndrome). After my surgery tomorrow, I'll need a few days recoop, then I'll get back to work on this site. Thanks again for shelving HERCULANEUM.
Susan

I've read the prologue to your fine book probably three times, and always promised myself I would get back to you. And now, having read through chapter four, I am so pleased I did. Shades of du Maurier's Don't Look Now with a touch of Mary Stewart or something. Wow.

The loss and the attempt to deal with that for a person a faith is tremendous, and rarely delineated so honestly as you have done here. The dreams are both terrifying and real too. Often dream sequences don't work--but, I can't say why entirely, yours do.

And then the cruise--don't I know those chattering people who will not leave one alone! Well meaning idiots and so well described. And onto Herculaneum--that whole segment is superb. The echoes inside Anne's head, the flashbacks that are but cannot possibly be deja-vus, the descriptions, all of it is superb.

This is just one compelling novel--everything is well done, nothing overdone.

All the best--MM

Susan Muth wrote 1060 days ago

Duane,
Thank you for noticing "Herculaneum." I haven't been doing much self-promotion lately and figured I'd pretty much sunk into obscurity by now. It's great to know someone is still reading my stuff. Very encouraging. As for the Latin, I have updated as best I can in my draft and thought I had done so online also. I'll go back and check. I'm doing my best, but it's really hard to get idiomatic translations. Daphne has a Greek name because she is a former Greek slave. Maybe I can find a way of slipping that in somewhere up front. Thanks for the tips. I would like to read your work as soon as possible, but I can't stay on a keyboard very long right now without my whole arm going numb. I'm having surgery for that tomorrow, so I'll be incommunicado for a few days, but back onboard after that.
Susan

Oh, one more thing.

DAPHNE is a Greek name.

You might explain why that is, maybe descended from a Romanized Greek family...

Susan Muth wrote 1060 days ago

Sheryl,
Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm especially glad you flagged some missing Latin parts. In my draft I've updated those, but I guess I missed some in my upload. I'll go back and fix that. As for the exclamation marks, I'll have to review that, along with my favorite punctuation mark, the ellipsis. I know I have some quirks. You are very generous, and I look forward to reading your work. I'll try to get to it today, but I'm having carpal tunnel surgery tomorrow and may be out of commission for a few days after that.
Susan

The Beach at Herculaneum...

This is a compelling read. I'm not at all religious, despite being raised in a religious family, but I was drawn into your character because of her religious angst and very humanly portrayed grief. You've created a very real and believable character.

At times, your writing is very poetic. The dream sequences work because they're short but powerful. Most writers would have made them too long, I think.

A couple of places: (Latin) Does this mean you intend to insert a Latin phrase in those places?

Other than perhaps an excessive use of exclamation marks (currently out of favour), I like your writing voice very much.

Shelved because this will be a beautiful book, much deeper than the normal fare.

Cheers,
Sheryl (In All The Wrong Places)

Paolito wrote 1061 days ago

The Beach at Herculaneum...

This is a compelling read. I'm not at all religious, despite being raised in a religious family, but I was drawn into your character because of her religious angst and very humanly portrayed grief. You've created a very real and believable character.

At times, your writing is very poetic. The dream sequences work because they're short but powerful. Most writers would have made them too long, I think.

A couple of places: (Latin) Does this mean you intend to insert a Latin phrase in those places?

Other than perhaps an excessive use of exclamation marks (currently out of favour), I like your writing voice very much.

Shelved because this will be a beautiful book, much deeper than the normal fare.

Cheers,
Sheryl (In All The Wrong Places)

Duane March wrote 1061 days ago

Oh, one more thing.

DAPHNE is a Greek name.

You might explain why that is, maybe descended from a Romanized Greek family...

Duane March wrote 1061 days ago

Hi Susan,
A very intriguing read, and a book with a lot of sales potential!
Just a tip. DO make sure of your Latin (and Italian).
Glad I WLed it, and now shelved!
Duane

Heidi Mannan wrote 1066 days ago

Susan,

This is one of the wonderful finds here on authonomy. You hooked me with your pitch and didn't disapoint.

Your storyline is intriquing and your writing is, from what I've read, flawless. Happy to give this a spin on my shelf.

Heidi
Turning Red

Susan Muth wrote 1084 days ago

Thanks so much for the encouragement and the extremely helpful comments. I'll check on the technicals - in some cases (like 79 AD) I think the conventions may be different in the UK than they are in the US. Spelling and typos...oops, very embarrassing, glad you caught them. You know Latin? Fabulous! I was relying on undergrad memory and a translation website I found. You're obviously right about the pimping. I knew I wasn't pushing hard enough but frankly didn't know how to do that. I appreciate your help and will follow up.
Susan

Hello, Susan - delighted to drop by this way. Knew I'd like this from your pitch, title and cover, being a classicist myself. Has Annabelle P dropped by this way? Think she'd like it too. Great pitch, with subtle reference to 'dreams' - I want to know what these are, to keep reading... Here are my random thoughts:

- "79 AD": more usually "AD 79" in prose, I think. 'BC' comes after a year, but 'AD' normally precedes;
- "arch[a]eologist": think I'd drop the 'a' in there, m'dear;
- such an emotive opening. Really poignant, and handled with such deft skill and a lightness of touch;
- some great imagery: "a heavy blanket of numbness dropped over me";
- the para "Sean was already gone...": Jesus, SM, this is powerful stuff;
- "mask[-]like": hyphen;
- "group of strangers... empathy for the others": so true. So insightfully put;
- "Vu non proprium...": 'vu' is not Latin for 'you', m'dear. Either 'tu' or 'vos'. Think you're conflating the two, possibly?;
- "turns [H]is back on us": need consistency on those capitalisations, m'dear, or I shall put you over my knee;
- "get thee to a nunnery": this felt wrong to me. I'd be inclined to cut it. It seems overly flippant in an otherwise very poignant and moving opening chpt. What d'you think? Don't think you'd lose anything particular by its absence, do you?

Otherwise a *cracking* good start, Ms Muth. Shelved without hesitation. You must pimp it more in the fora. I have added you to Sandrine's thread re: 'voice' in an effort to give you some more exposure, but you must add to this! Best of luck with it - sestius

sestius wrote 1085 days ago

Hello, Susan - delighted to drop by this way. Knew I'd like this from your pitch, title and cover, being a classicist myself. Has Annabelle P dropped by this way? Think she'd like it too. Great pitch, with subtle reference to 'dreams' - I want to know what these are, to keep reading... Here are my random thoughts:

- "79 AD": more usually "AD 79" in prose, I think. 'BC' comes after a year, but 'AD' normally precedes;
- "arch[a]eologist": think I'd drop the 'a' in there, m'dear;
- such an emotive opening. Really poignant, and handled with such deft skill and a lightness of touch;
- some great imagery: "a heavy blanket of numbness dropped over me";
- the para "Sean was already gone...": Jesus, SM, this is powerful stuff;
- "mask[-]like": hyphen;
- "group of strangers... empathy for the others": so true. So insightfully put;
- "Vu non proprium...": 'vu' is not Latin for 'you', m'dear. Either 'tu' or 'vos'. Think you're conflating the two, possibly?;
- "turns [H]is back on us": need consistency on those capitalisations, m'dear, or I shall put you over my knee;
- "get thee to a nunnery": this felt wrong to me. I'd be inclined to cut it. It seems overly flippant in an otherwise very poignant and moving opening chpt. What d'you think? Don't think you'd lose anything particular by its absence, do you?

Otherwise a *cracking* good start, Ms Muth. Shelved without hesitation. You must pimp it more in the fora. I have added you to Sandrine's thread re: 'voice' in an effort to give you some more exposure, but you must add to this! Best of luck with it - sestius

Susan Muth wrote 1086 days ago

Dania,
Thank you for shelving Herculaneum. It means a lot that it rings true for someone who has been through this kind of experience. The events are not autobiographical for me, but the emotions are. I appreciate your interest in my novel and hope it didn't disturb you to revisit those feelings. Your comments are very kind.
Susan

Totally my kind of story. I lost a family member a few years ago and went through a similar journey, trying to gain solace from nuns, sheikhs, spirituals healers, Oprah or anyone who could say something to numb the pain. So I understand what she is looking for, be it with the nuns or the trip. The discovery in the ruins is great. Love the writing as well. Glad to shelve it :)

Susan Muth wrote 1086 days ago

Thanks so much, Bren. Your opinion is important because you are a writer I respect. Herculaneum probably is more a women's novel, but it's not exactly "women's fiction," as such. Not sure what to call it really -- I guess paranormal romance is the closest, but even that doesn't quite describe it. Still, I understand that fitting a new novel into some kind of category is crucial to agents and publishers, so I guess I'll call it that. If you have a better suggestion, please let me know. Again, thanks for taking an interest.
Susan

I loved the pitch for this: it looks very original indeed. The Beach at Herculaneum sounds like a novel that might appeal to women more than men, and it definitely looks intelligent. The prologue is lovely and draws us in to what is presumably Daphne’s story already – draws us in because we know what terrible thing is round the corner and she doesn’t. And then we’re straight into the story of Anne and her bad dreams.

My feeling is that this is quite a commercial proposition because, of course, it’s not just a well told story. Rather it has the potential to tap into the vast market for English-speaking tourists to Italy.

Anyway, this is very pacy, and very well written, and it fulfils the promises of the pitch right from the outset. It deserves to go a long way on Authonomy. Bookshelved.

Bren Verrill
The Weird Problem of Good.

Bren Verrill wrote 1087 days ago

I loved the pitch for this: it looks very original indeed. The Beach at Herculaneum sounds like a novel that might appeal to women more than men, and it definitely looks intelligent. The prologue is lovely and draws us in to what is presumably Daphne’s story already – draws us in because we know what terrible thing is round the corner and she doesn’t. And then we’re straight into the story of Anne and her bad dreams.

My feeling is that this is quite a commercial proposition because, of course, it’s not just a well told story. Rather it has the potential to tap into the vast market for English-speaking tourists to Italy.

Anyway, this is very pacy, and very well written, and it fulfils the promises of the pitch right from the outset. It deserves to go a long way on Authonomy. Bookshelved.

Bren Verrill
The Weird Problem of Good.

Dania wrote 1087 days ago

Totally my kind of story. I lost a family member a few years ago and went through a similar journey, trying to gain solace from nuns, sheikhs, spirituals healers, Oprah or anyone who could say something to numb the pain. So I understand what she is looking for, be it with the nuns or the trip. The discovery in the ruins is great. Love the writing as well. Glad to shelve it :)

Susan Muth wrote 1092 days ago

Thanks for the boost! I think you're probably right about bringing Daphne in a more early on, but I'm waiting for it to come to me. As for the font, you don't know how many I've been through. This one was vaguely ancient and distinctly different from Anne's. If you've got another suggestion, let me know.

Yes, Yes, Yes! This works in my mind. This livens it up, gives the centre of thought and foreshadows in a nicely melodramatic way. I am going to return to the next sections to see, but you may want to continue a little sooner with this interplay of time. (I don't like the font. Try another one.)

Susan Muth wrote 1100 days ago

I'm really pleased that you approve, Cris. I realized you were right when I read your intitial comment, but it took me a while to figure out how to do it. Finally it came to me on the massage table. I thought about putting the dates but didn't know if it would interfere with the melding I do later on. As for the double "here," I noticed it too and went back and forth before deciding it was conversational and in keeping with Daphne's voice. Still debating, though. Your critiques have been extremely helpful. Thank you so much.

Hi Susan
This is so much better. I love the final line, it really gets the reader hooked into the story. I only have one constructive comment: The line "Here I am standing out here in my shift" jarred simply because of the duplication of "here".

Just a thought: perhaps it would be clearer to the reader if each chapter had the period at the start so the reader knows which time you're in.

In summary: I love it and hope you have success with Herculeneum

Chris (I Dare You)

Jeff Blackmer wrote 1101 days ago

Susan,
What a poignant story you are telling. This is beautiful, Anne's story and her terrible loss juxtaposed over the story of your prologue. What a multilayered tender tale. This is great. On my shelf.
Jeff

ChrisX wrote 1101 days ago

Hi Susan
This is so much better. I love the final line, it really gets the reader hooked into the story. I only have one constructive comment: The line "Here I am standing out here in my shift" jarred simply because of the duplication of "here".

Just a thought: perhaps it would be clearer to the reader if each chapter had the period at the start so the reader knows which time you're in.

In summary: I love it and hope you have success with Herculeneum

Chris (I Dare You)

Susan Muth wrote 1103 days ago

Hi, kgadette

Thank you for shelving my novel. I will give your comments serious consideration. As for the "you" sequence, that has been corrected in my draft and I thought I'd changed it here, but apparently not. I'm glad you flagged it; I'll update ASAP. I've also been working on a short prologue with Daphne's voice, which I hope will promise the reader something more than Anne's grief to come. Daphne is a totally different character--as I say in my pitch, Dionysian. I'll upload it as soon as I figure out how to do that without deleting chapter 1.
Susan

Dear Susan,

The early scenes in Chapter 1 were beautifully drawn. I actually teared up. I wish there was a way for you to add on the dead parents later. Or maybe just give a reference to it now, and go back to the details later on. I fear there is a pile-up, and the reader can only go so far in sympathy.

What is it about Anne that's going to make us follow her on her journey? She has to be more than her grief. Is it humor? Wit? Intelligence? Kindness? The fact that Mother Superior is sending her on a cruise is almost obscenely funny; maybe it might strike her so -- and give her an opportunity to show another side of her persona other than the grieving woman.

Horrors! A vile "you" pops out, Chapter 2, 1st paragraph, 2nd line, twice. There's no need and it jars, considering it hasn't been used before. It's an easy fix; "I drove through the apple orchard, I came around the curve…" Or, "An apple orchard greeted me …" Whatever you want. But please, delete those yous!

Bones jutted out sharply – sounds like they've actually pierced the skin and are sticking out of her wrists.

What changes in the paragraph about her taking on a class? She doesn't want any human contact. And then she loves teaching the Sunday school class. And then she doesn't. I got whiplash. Might you smooth this out a bit?

"Sisters were full of sympathy and comfort" (sisters being "all sympathy" sounds like teenage talk)

Don't tell us what we're going to think. "A truly hideous one came the second week." Let us make that decision.

I think the conversation with the Mother Superior could be cut down a bit.

I wish I could read further, but time doesn't permit. Still, I think you've got a fascinating story, with some interesting elements: romance, ghost story, crisis of faith. Shelved.

kgadette wrote 1106 days ago

Dear Susan,

The early scenes in Chapter 1 were beautifully drawn. I actually teared up. I wish there was a way for you to add on the dead parents later. Or maybe just give a reference to it now, and go back to the details later on. I fear there is a pile-up, and the reader can only go so far in sympathy.

What is it about Anne that's going to make us follow her on her journey? She has to be more than her grief. Is it humor? Wit? Intelligence? Kindness? The fact that Mother Superior is sending her on a cruise is almost obscenely funny; maybe it might strike her so -- and give her an opportunity to show another side of her persona other than the grieving woman.

Horrors! A vile "you" pops out, Chapter 2, 1st paragraph, 2nd line, twice. There's no need and it jars, considering it hasn't been used before. It's an easy fix; "I drove through the apple orchard, I came around the curve…" Or, "An apple orchard greeted me …" Whatever you want. But please, delete those yous!

Bones jutted out sharply – sounds like they've actually pierced the skin and are sticking out of her wrists.

What changes in the paragraph about her taking on a class? She doesn't want any human contact. And then she loves teaching the Sunday school class. And then she doesn't. I got whiplash. Might you smooth this out a bit?

"Sisters were full of sympathy and comfort" (sisters being "all sympathy" sounds like teenage talk)

Don't tell us what we're going to think. "A truly hideous one came the second week." Let us make that decision.

I think the conversation with the Mother Superior could be cut down a bit.

I wish I could read further, but time doesn't permit. Still, I think you've got a fascinating story, with some interesting elements: romance, ghost story, crisis of faith. Shelved.

Rocky Lastinger wrote 1107 days ago

I all too well know that ‘heavy blanket of numbness dropped over me’ feeling… An emotionally moving first chapter.

And she goes to the retreat but the dreams follow. And the dreams become progressively more intense and frightening. And she is expelled from the place.

So she travels to Italy, decides to explore ancient ruins--separate from the tour group. ‘Good one, Casanova.’ Great line. And she seems to channel those who used to be…

And on to the skeletal remains. Great ending to chapter four--very intense. Nice, flowing writing style. Read chapters one through five tonight, and the story held my attention throughout. Looked for ‘needs improvement’ issues, but found nothing noteworthy.

I have watch listed this, and will take another look when time permits.

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