Mrs Gristle. A Rick Bunion investigation

haha what crazy weirdness! I was a bit taken aback by the style at first, but once I got my head on that way, it made sense. It's as though Rick is a bit defensive, trying to tell a rather horrible life story but not wanting your pity, not taking charity, does that make sense?

He comes across as a clear, well developed character, one you can't help liking. A fairly normal person in the midst of the grotesquerie of the family, rather like a Hogarth cartoon.

There are a lot of typos, but I assume you know that already, so I won't trawl through them.

Good stuff, I look forward to reading more later!

BACKED

Dear Martin, I love Rick's humor, everytime he said or thought something :) - quick witted! :) By the time I got to the end of chapter 6 in your story, I was ready for Rick to go & discover what your pitch had prepared me for :) - so, I'll write the end in my mind by your pitch :) - Rick will find it all out, right? :) Tight paragraphs & dialogue moved me right through your story, not to mention humor throughout. :) I've backed your book :) - could you please take just a moment to back my memoirs book? :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

Boy what a laugh your book gave me after just reading the first chapter, which I am afraid is the only chapter I am capable of reading at the moment as I have lots of books to get through. But back to your absolutely fantastic book, well all I can say is hurry up and put it in the market and watch the sales as it climbs to a best seller. Although I am not very patial to comedy, I loved this one. But unfortunately, lilke the rest of us here, you do have to give it a good edit i.e your sentence ( A substantial about of cash to arrange for you to find their son and I intend to collect) should be changed to ( A substancial amount of money etc) All it is is for you to change About to Amount. But typos and other small misplace of puntuation marks apart, this is well written, the narrative and dialogue are very believable and consise.
Well done and good luck to Frank Bunion with his search for the missing boy. I will come back to read some more when and if time allows it. In the meantime, good luck with your writing career.
Pamela 'THE OUTRAGE'

:) comment to follow - read & commented on shortly thereafter :)

Surreal. The perfect antidote to a Correspondence Course(now called'Online') in Company Law I've been wrestling with. This had me in stitches. I feel I have met April somewhere...

Lovely funny writing, but completely bollocksed for me my silly mistakes: gcses -> GCSEs | what's it Called -> what's it called | mcdonalds -> purveyors of well-dodgy 'food' | starred -> stared. Etc. But I was hooked by your lunatic pitch, so I'll slap it on my shelf for a bit.

You have written a very interesting, funny and unique storyline, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Rick. I also like your use of the first person narrative voice as this allows you to convey his thoughts and feelings. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Ingenous. Fizzy. Fun. Colorful, credible characters. Crisp dialogue. Clever wit. Spot on storytelling. An infectous read. Backed.

Hi Martin,
Brilliant. You made me laugh from line one to the last. You can't say better than that.
Backed with tears,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Dear Martin, I love investigations & solving crimes - what better way to be intrigued? :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book: When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

Martin, your chapter one is a hilarious, amusing read. Good job on this. Nothing to nitpick there.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

What's not to enjoy here? You had me with pastry and frogs. Your prose is perfectly pitched, witty and just plain funny and you have a completely accessible writing style.
I throughly enjoyed it
Carl
The Time Hunters

Nice job. humorous and witty/ Good character development. Smooth flow and pace. I like the conversational tone of the dialogue. You do need to do some editing - minor stuff like capitalize pronouns like I, etc. Will come with further polishing. I enjoyed the read.

All the Best

Randy
Bound By Birth
www.randallwheeler.com

This is a funny, funny story. You have a great mix of characters. Your writing style is clear and easy to follow. Makes this a very entertaining read. I'm adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

hehe, good start, good finish, I read the first chatper and I was entertained. Is the "an hatched face" and "an hatched voice" suppose to be a hatched face and a hatched voice?

anyway, thats only thing I noticed to be "off" here, the writing is great which made the read fluent indeed.

Very easy to read, and funny (haha) as well as peculiar. But I got lost half way through your list First,Second,Third,Fourth etc. I think you need to find a way to weave this hilarious backstory into the plot somehow because about half way through I get to overload and it starts to stop being funny and starts to feel like being hit over the head with a hammer. Also, there's no plot at this point so it reads like character notes (if you write such things). Try bringing your first bit of dialogue/direct scene forward.
Also, please feel free to look at What Nobody Ought to Know and smash that with a hammer (if that's your thing). Erin x

This was a lot of fun...easy to back.

Peter Tapsel - Partially Built

Martin, I live in the Cotswolds ( we prefer the capital 'C' ) which was an obvious initial attraction, the premise detailed in your pitches was unlike anything that happens in my town, I'm glad to say. I can't understand how I've missed this book until now, it's an absolute riot! I've laughed out loud so many times in the first two chapters I've lost count. Your bio page was a clue to your style, but the book sets off running and never stops. Quite simply, one of the funniest books I've ever read. I can't find a point of comparison, because there isn't one. You, sir, are unique, a glorious English eccentric and a writer I shall return to whenever I feel in need of a lift. Writing humour of this quality is a rare talent, backed with admiration.
Jared
Mummy's Boy.

Martin, i am totally convinced that you are a complete and utter nutter...and I'm so delighted to meet another one..it gets lonely out here.

This is not merely funny...or mildly funny...nothing mild or mere about this romp...Its feel good laugh out loud hold my stomach{And putting it back} hilarious. Stand up comedy with clever visualizations all in the pages of a well crafted and totally wonderful book.

I am not crazy enough not to back this little gem.
Go for the gold...this deserves it.
Suzannah Burke

I loved the pitch, the setting, the character's names, and the humour. All good fun. Shelved.
Michael Croucher (Bravo's Veil)

I'm a fan. Just the names were entertaining enough for me to keep reading. Strange that this reads like a child's fairytale, but is not for kids. I like that. It's like a nasty little secret we grown-ups can keep from the rugrats, giggling under our covers with a flashlight.

Shelved.
Dan-
Eunice Stubbins.

Great fun, Martin. Aside from stray lapses of punctuation and some e.e. cummings-like lower case i, there is little in this to criticize. My wife thinks I am an idiot , too, and gives me a daily hammering. Here's to hoping we prove them wrong.

Great short pitch!

Your chatty observational/situation humour is just great, as is your character build with Thick sorry meant your main character.
You have a very fertile imagination, which has created a great read –Good luck

The fact that this book is set in the Cotswolds was good enough for me to take a peek at it, I'm sure glad I did.

Fabulous humour written in a confident style.

Foolish not to back it.

Melxx
Impeding Justice

Hi Martin
This really made me laugh. Good humour is so hard to write, but you managed it!
All the best
DP Walker
Five Dares

This is hilarious... from the first paragraph I was grinning, then once he finds his dad, (I won't spoil by for people who read the comments first) well I was in stitches!! You have a fantastic writing style, extortionately witty. Loved it!! Highly recommended. kind regards pinkcoffee 'In The Moment'

Strange how mundane things can be irresistible when they make you laugh. Is there anything intrinsically funny in swallowing a bottle top? Yet I've laughed at practically every line. There are a few misprints - pasTime in para 4 of ch1, for example. I suppose it would be better to correct them to be on the safe side because editors seem a snooty lot from what I've heard. But I couldn't care less about a few mistakes when the book gives as much joy as this. Backed. lynn

Martin
We seem to share the same pastry-themed humour.
You write with a confident and funny style. First person works well in comedies, keeps the joke rate up. The plot is crazy and I love it. This is the sort of comedy that only comes from britain, has a League of gentleman / python sillines to it. I read chaps 1 and 3, loved the description of Mrs Gristle in chap 3.
little nitpicks. there's a 'i' that should be 'I' early on. A few other punctuation errors that a good edit would fix. And, if he was born in 64 he would have taken O'levels and CSE's not GCSE's, but that was really nitpicky.
Backed
Charlie

A Rick Bunion Investigation.

The journey buttward.

This resonates with the fool in us all.

The tragic death of Ethel with the failed Heineken manoeuvre. Bert and the bottle top headstone. Wilfred smothered by amorous April. pre-meditated? Perhaps Rick should investigate.

The loss of Sophie and the ballooning of Billy.

But it is April that gives him The Case to solve.

This is irreverent in all the right ways, has the shadow of failure, tragedy and doomed lives haunting it and yet doesn't stop to feel sorry for itself at all. A cast of comic characters to covet.

I think you should get Rick Bunion's adventures lined up in their own section in every bookshop in the land.

Nick
"Mirror In The Sky."

Martin,

It's taken me an age to get to you - apologies, i was of ff line for some time and am just getting back into it.

Mrs Gristle is fun, laugh along stuff all the way; lots of little lines had me chortling (for example "I prefer to think she died for her art. And I burnt the toast".) Under acheiver Rick is just the right side of sympathetic, not quite straying into pathetic territory which would make him harder to like. I have a couple of crits; one precise one (which is not like me!) which is when you refer to a metaphorical ship taxiing into port; I might be wrong but do ships taxi, or is that a mixed metaphor? Also, some general housekeeping needed; lots of lower case "i will" rather than upper case "I Will" etc, also a fair few typos etc. So a bit of buffing needed, but not as much as Rick buffs his todger.

All said and done, I like the voice, I like the story, I like the character, so shelved.

Cheers

Stanny

I do love your voice here, or the voice of thick Rick.
My main concern is that it really doesn't appear to have any sort of polishing. You need to give this a good edit. There is missing capitols, punctuation, and other things that could easily be cleaned up to give this manuscript a cleaner and more professional feel.
Rick is a dynamic character, endearing and empathetic.
THe story premise is great. I do love the short pitch and I am intrigued.
Reading this aloud will help you find the missing commas that would make this flow easier. And going through with a finetooth comb would really benefit this quiry and delightful book.
Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Hi Martin! I have just read the first two chapters of your book and part of the third. Although I really like your writing style for the most part, I do have some complaints and suggestions which we will visit in a moment in the way of my comments. Your development of your characters is good and you describe the scene quite well. However, you do have a tendency to overwrite (my opinion). Although many of your descriptions and comparisons are witty and humerous, you need to find a way to balance more dialogue with your narrative, thereby picking up the pace. I have made comments, per chapter, but please note that I am no expert. However, many people on Authonomy have told me that I'm pretty good at this. Let's see what you think.
CHAPTER ONE: 'McDonald's' should be capitalised. 'pass time' should be 'pastime'. 'thread bare' should be 'threadbare'. 'mother's funeral has it clashed' Change 'has' to 'as'. The phrase 'didn't so much cripple me as render me paraplegic' is lost on me. I don't really understand the reference. During the sixth thing of note, you give your reader way too much info regarding Dad's urinary habits and Billy's blubber. Two long paragraphs plus some is too much time between the ringing of the phone and the answering of it. Later, the reader does not care to hear all the tiny details relating to your masturbation.
CHAPTER TWO: 'courier has promised' Again, change 'has' to 'as'. The reference to 'Jimmy Dean' would be better if you used his actual name of 'James Dean' so as not confuse him with the sausage guy. You use too many words getting from seeing the sign, initially, Billy's chocolate bar, the cursing and resulting head bop resulting in the mess, and then seeing the sign again and finally the arm thrust and the turn of the car toward your destination.
GENERALLY SPEAKING: You use the word 'as' way too much. Re-word things to avoid it. I would caution you in your use of '-ly' words such as 'eventually', 'really', 'simply', 'generally' and many more. In almost every case, a sentence is made stronger and carries more literary tension when you delete these troublesome adverbs. Try it and I think you will see what I mean. Lastly, I am sure you are aware that you need to have someone go over this with the thought of correcting punctuation and spelling. In today's re-vamped publishing world, a publisher or editor will no longer do this for you.
All in all, with a bit of editing, I think you could have a humerous detective story that will be enjoyed by many. I would encourage you to not overdo the 'nasty' or 'gross' elements. A bit of that is funny, but too much becomes boring. But, of course, maybe that's just me. Good Luck!

Shelved. loving your book
This is great entertainment. When do we get more!
SUGGESTIONS.
Okay the typos are part of the charm. I wouldnt
put them in the 'pitch' however, except where it´s
obviously deliberate...
Hard to maintain a style like this. You do great! One
possibility would be to introduce some bits in another voice,
his client or whatever, which would set him off maybe.
Loads of luck and success with it.............Mikey (The Free)

Far from being PC (now there's a good plug for you) this is funny stuff. Slightly schoolboy at heart, (but then aren't we all scolboys at heart? Well maybe not women, unfortunately, or maybe fortunately! Who knows, but this a great fun and has my backing.
BADD

Well shave my legs and call me Frank. This is hilarious. You have a charmingly deranged imagination. Your baffling assortment of characters is a joy to read through and I can't wait to see where this goes. I'm tempted to drink some tea so I can spit it out with mirth. Excellent work.

Having noted the six things to note, I think I can add a seventh. This is a highly amusing read and I cannot help but feel that the author himself had great fun writing this book. Pick up a pie if you dare from The Pie Emporium and order a pint at the Butt Fluffers Arms and sit back and enjoy this book. Shelved.

Martin

Extremely funny and engaging, the perfect combination for a Sunday afternoon!
You have my backing.

Melanie ~Dreamgate~

I guessed form your profile and the pitch that the humour is second to none and I sure wasn’t disappointed.

But you also have those poignant moments and descriptions, like when the father stares and pees at the end of ch 1.

I haven’t read long enough (damn authonomy) but from what I’ve read so far and what you say in your pitch, I’m getting flashbacks of Sweeney Todd only funnier and not as dark.

Shelved and good luck
Dania (the It! Refugee)

Hello Martin,

Lisel recommended I take a look at this as I wanted to read something funny by a UK writer. Well, I've been having a good laugh this morning!

Your style is very easy and entertaining, the pace is fast and furious and there are some hilarious one-liners. Rick is a great character and I'm putting this on my watch list for when I want cheering up again. (And also, I hate to see books like this with red arrows next to them, so hopefully I can give you a bit of a boost up again! And I'm not going to be boring and mention the occasional grammar and spelling hiccups because this book is worth more than such nit-picking malarkey!)

All the best

Denise

A ticklish tale, the self depreciating humour comes thick and fast.
Happily shelved as it gave me a broad smile!

Your profile made me smile and so I thought your book would be a good bet for a laugh - and I was SO right! It's one of the funniest on Authonomy. As others have noted before me, there's some editing work to be done, but the fantastic material's the important thing. Way too many funny lines to mention and certain to make much pee run down many legs...

Giving you a 'king good backing,

Lisel
Isis In Crisis ...

Martin,

The bottle top thing pretty much did it for me. I was hooked right there, and sold on this book the rest of the way. I know writing comedy is hard, but you make it look easy. This is damn funny. And there's a good story in here, too.

Others have mentioned the typos. But the big picture is that you've got serious talent. Nice work.

Mark

Martin,

This needs work! It's also very good!!!!! Fix the typos, etc., but what a fun read.

Lockjaw

Hi Martin,

Great pitch. Wow! This is brilliant! It’s original, hilarious and gripping. This was an enjoyable read.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

I like this. A gritty story. The opening chapter is very unqiue and thats what got me the most into the story. A very fun read. The one big thing I noticed was the constant reocurance of "i" instead of I.

FUn! i like it. Good dialogue uncluttered by too many tags, humor, a different format.

Only crit is I don't like the first paragraph; you could trim the blather a bit... I love the argument with its uniquely English insults... Don't know what "knob rot" is but I'll have to work it into conversation sometime soon along with Wanker, which seems like a great name for a dog.
Shelved with pleasure!
V
Hawaiian Orchid

Hi Martin

Back for more of your book!

Just read the 'Butt-Fluffers Arms' ...love the fact you actually included two arms in the sign to denote the use of 'Arms'...don't think i will ever view those signs in the same way on my tour of England.

Some great lines in this chapter
'I don't want to die on nthe crapper, not like Elvis'
'....give his nose hair a short back and sides' (but remember a question mark here)

I'll continue with more reading now i am on dry land.

Much appreciated

Ed Quinn (Donkeys kill more people)

Dear Martin,

Damn that punctuation! What it says to editors and agents is that you don't care. It's an attitude thing, as well as a readability issue. And the sad thing is, the jokes and lines are so damn funny, it's like you're shooting yourself in the foot!

Suggest that you chop up the long pitch into digestible bits. Rumor has it that some readers have digestion problems.

Funny: among a gazillion lines, I particularly loved "more fillings than a McDonalds menu"
Loved the bit about remembering mom, but not out of breath and turning blue.

This sadsack Rick is full of life, and terrifically endearing. Now if he could only learn to spell ...
Giving you a spin on my shelf for sheer ingenuity (and please, don't ask Rick to spell it).

Martin,
This made me laugh. You've a gift for comedy writing--and not many people in this world do. I shall shelve you for sheer entertainment, but as an editor I beg you to clean up the prose. You might have something worth publishing here, but it won't get anywhere unless your prose is spit-polished to a shine. Do whatever it takes--find an intelligent friend, hire an editor, join a critique group and take advantage of the tips you've already received below.

Best,
Cheri