Duke of Earl

oops, I meant "your" pitch. Excuse me.

I read our pitch and thought to myself, "Wow, so many threads to this particular tapestry - it has to be worth a look" and I am glad I did. Your descriptions are vivid without being tedious. The first part of the first chapter had a few zingers in it, but I did feel that the song lyrics went on a bit long. However, if a way to give us a history we will not get later - very creative. I am going to shelve the book so I can read more. Love the premise and the writing style is enough for a backing from me! Good luck!

I like it. Sounds truly gripping and that's what I like in a good book! :)

Hmmm... is this a reference to Walter Becker we have in the title? Just curious.

The book is going to be a sure hit with those who love to read a tear-jerker. And as we all know, there are millions of them out there. Who would not shed a tear at the thought of finding your child living in miserable conditions--a child you just found out you had years after conception? But the story turns into a kind of mystery that will attract other readers. I grant you--I am not into shedding tears when I read. But there are those out there who do and they would love this book.

I've read a couple of paragraphs and I'm blubbing like a baby.......awww this is so moving. I must make space for this novel on my shelf. Thing is, who do I boot off? There is an amazing amount of talent on this site.

Good Luck with it Rocky.

Mary

Hey Rocky, Read through to chapter six and wish there was more here. I will say that your experience in the shenanigans of the music business is very true to life and it was good to see Smokin Joe and Leanne back for a visit.

I suppose that when any of us sees a song lyric written out there is a tendency to try setting it to a tune but I got kicked out of music school when they figured out I couldn't read music. Anyway, if I had to pick a soundtrack for Dudley, I think I'd go with that song Diane Warren wrote for Reba, 'I'll Be'.

All of that aside, the short version is that I like the story. In fact, I like it more than 'The Autobiography of Smokin Joe...' and I think you've got another winner workin' here. Can't wait to find out what 'really happened' back at that cobbied together doublewide, perched up on tilting concrete blocks and slowly succumbing to the entropy of nature and the contrived erosion of the human spirit, so long ago. Best wishes, RT

Hello Rocky. Been a bit busy this last few days, but here I am. well pleased I came for a read, my time was not wasted. brilliant stuff, more more he cried.

Do you know an American singer, Jimmy Lafave? He reminds me a bit of your first, haunting song.

Okay, you get my back!

Do you know an American singer, Jimmy Lafave? He reminds me a bit of your first, haunting song.

Okay, you get my back!

Wow! I read the whole six chapters in one sitting. I like the way you have several stories, past and present, going on at the same time. I am eager to find out Dudley's story. What happened when he went into the house? I really want to find out. Your attention to detail is wonderful.
I can visualize your story unfolding before me.
I can't wait to find out what happened between Dudley and Alison...and Dudley and Bethany. You are weaving these stories together into a perfect basket of mystery. The gator bit had me laughing my head off, and I was thrilled to see Smokey and Leanne in this one. I'm hooked! On my shelf!

Hi,
Read the first four chapters and must say I enjoyed it more than the first one!
I was a bit confused by the style at first, parts of it remind me of Cannery Row and other parts are so visual they remind me of various film I've seen set in the streets of American big cities.
This book is very visual and I hve no trouble sharing your fictive dream. Great descriptive prose, no-nonsense dialogue and a gripping story that unfolds at a good pace..
I noticed that you still use a fair sprinkling of -ly adverbs and sometimes qualify your speach as if you aren't certain the reader will understand what emotions you put in the dialogue itself. Trust the reader and stick to 'he said, she said'. Take no notice - I'm just an amateur!
Summary - a really good read, an exciting story.
Best,
Fred

First off Rocky, I'll just say that i found your pitch to be very effective :-) I wish i could write pitches as well as you do. The premise for this is startlingly good. It really looks to have potential.
The opening chapter didn't dissapoint. It was very touching. Like before, when i read your other book, i enjoyed your song/poem.
I'll come back and read more in a few days and probobaly back this.

Regards,

Mark H

D'you know what? I really like this! The pitch attracted me and when I started reading I wasn't dissapointed. Love the song/poem in chapter one, really pulls at the heart strings. You build the tension well and keep the reader interested. Wish you luck! Love , Bev x

Darling Rocky,
How you rip through dialogue... and as you know from Orchid, I am a big dialgoue lover. This zips along with tension established early- universal themes of rage. loss, revenge, mistaken identity, songs, action, and the threat of death. What a recipe for success!

What a pleasure. I am rooting for our hero, and for my vampire hours writer friend as well!
Aloha,
T

Yup - I'll shelve this. The mistaken identity (two Earls) is worked in well. The overall premise (vengeance, social unrest caused by an apparent injustice, a man reuinted with the daughter he didn't know he had) is enough to get me reading, and the way you've written this - particularly the vivid descriptions - keeps me reading.

Couple of little things -
(a) sentence structure, second sentence. 'He at first tried to ignore it...' Swap that round for ease of reading 'At first he tried to ignore it...'

(b) 'To damned cheap to pay...' Should be 'Too'

(c) 'As he reached out to knock, near-naked...' missing the indefinite article 'a' before 'near-naked'

There are others throughout, but they're nothing to worry about - a proofread would fix them and they don't really spoil the read.

Best of luck.

--Jack Ramsay (Brogan's Crossing)

An early shelving, 'cos you rock, Rocky. Sumptuous stuff, this. Kris Kristopherson to take the lead, or Jake Guildenhall, if that's the preferred route.

James

Rocky this is excellent.

Just one small thing - you need to put a * at the end of the hospital scene.

Going on my watch list.

Joanna