The light that never went out

Its a Dyson Sphere!
Well, I think its one, I really hope I'm right because its such a marvellous place.
You've made a whole fantastic world inside, I'm totally and completely hooked. Love the joke about cleaners in Interlude 1 btw.
Onnil is an incedible character and Janol provides the perfect innocent foil to all she is doing.
I've got passed the second Interlude and I've had to go to the end to make sure what happens.
That is obviously not going to disappoint.
Readable, in fact, unputdownable.
Loved it.

Out of my normal genre here! Just a warning.
It took me a bit to sink into this.
The thing about this is that you have such a massive imaginiation that it is hard to ignore.
You can write, you can craft. People often say, anyone can write a book. But not anyone can write a good book. One needs natural talent for that. Which is evident. Only someone with natural talent could think something like this up.
Your creativity astounds me. I can't imagine creating a world like this.
Backed.
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

i enjoyed the selection of "The Light That Never Went Out" , i find it well written, good expostion and description, opening with a dramatic prologue it changes pace soon with the more evenly paced first chapter, the unique lanscape in the prologue again resurfaces in the first chapter, this is a good way to connect the one with the other, it leads an interested reader on who is trying to image this story's world, a nice introductory quote by Clarke gives perspective, we are in world where what may seem like magic is really advanced forgotten technology, indeed this fact combined with the landscaping magic, the unique topography, the strange woman, Omnil, creates mystery, i wanted to read on, so the mystery is working, rated well, best wishes, look at my first attempt at sci fi "we're here"

Only my lack of time stopped me from being totally sucked in by this book. Great work on my w/l so i can come back to it!

Hi Tom,

I've finally got round to giving your story the reading time it deserves, read the first dozen chapters and skimmed the rest just to see how it pans out. The scope of the story is intriguing and I like the occasional flashes of humour. Most of the things that puzzled me in the opening chapters were answered later on, such as Onnill's often odd behaviour. Some thoughts:

1) The tale leading up to the discovery of Onnill in the cave seemed to rely too heavily on coincidence to work - meeting the landscaping mage, creating the cave in exactly the right spot - it may have worked better if Janol had noticed a disturbence (or maybe a discarded artefact?) in the ground and started digging, which attracted the attention of the passing mage, etc. (just a thought).
2) Janol mentions an 'entrance to the outside' in chapter two, which suggests he's already aware of the nature of his world, but this doesn't sit well with later revelations.
3) More information on the so-called atrocities of the Zedixians would have been good early on.
4) Around chapter six the narrative really comes to life and I began to settle into the story more.
5) The humour, when used, is effective. More please!
6) The corporate nature of the sphere-building is intriguing.
7) I really liked the argument between Onnill and the preacher in chapter eight.

All in all, a very original read. The only other book I've read about a Dyson Sphere is Bob Shaw's Orbitsville, which unlike yours lacked a compelling stoyline to draw the reader in (still worth checking out, though). The spindles are a neat touch, too. The concept of advanced technology being like magic reminded me of Terry Pratchett's Strata, which if you've never read it features a technology-based version of the discworld, where the residents are unaware that the 'magic' is not actually magic. Pratchett shows it from an outsider's point of view; what I liked about your story was that it explores it from the sphere's inhabitants' viewpoint. Good stuff!

Steph (Hollow Moon).

I just added your book to my watchlist to read later. It sounds really interesting! Good title, too. Please check out my YA book EVERAFTER: REIGN OF THE NIGHT CREATURES. Guarantee you'll like it!

Thanks!!

Casey

About EVERAFTER:

This is an adventure that is sure to keep you guessing from start to finish. Travel to a mysterious world known as EVERAFTER, where you will meet strange creatures and embark on wild adventures. Your tour guide is a mighty griffin named Apollo. You will encounter evil Night Creatures, who want nothing more than to destroy the beautiful world of EVERAFTER. The Night Creatures have taken over the reflective power of the moon, causing night time to be so dark that the friendly creatures of EVERAFTER can not see. Awful things are happening in the darkness. Will the secret to restoring the light be found in time to save EVERAFTER from eternal darkness?

This book is for children, but it will also appeal to adult readers. Join James, Charlotte, young Susan and their dog Clovensport as they embark on the greatest adventure of their lives!

I enjoyed the ideas within this, and the blend of everyday life in reality transposed to another world. I maintain myself we're just a reflection of other life out there. Fairly sure aliens worry about getting spots before a party, just on their third head perhaps.

The story slowly wheeled me in too. The end of each chapter had me wanting to continue. Only time has stopped me.

Only one point I'd raise is sometimes the dialogue is a little informative rather than natural. I know that's sometimes the point, but it felt as though it was only said to tell me rather than as part of the conversation. For example when Tusfern is asked can he produce a light, his reply is very matter of fact. As two younger people who'd just met his personality may shine through the same statement: 'Lesson one of Mage school that little trick'. Something more personal perhaps.

Feel free to consider my words bunkum, and good luck.

Paul

OK Tom, I’ve finally got round to reading the first few chapters of The Light That Never Went Out. Apologies for the long wait. You’ll know what sort of crit I give from the Alliance of Worldbuilders thread. It’s all intended to be helpful, but take my crits with a dose of salt and don’t hesitate to bite back on my own scribbles.

Overall, I’m quite impressed. I like the blend of magic and SF, the blend of realpolitik and wild worldbuilding. Your writing style is polished, and cracks on at a pleasant, zippy pace. Your dialogue is snappy although there is little to distinguish all of the characters, I find. I’d like to see more identifiable ways of expressing themselves, more mannerisms.

There are a few niggles, which I would describe as editorial oversights rather than any kind of issue. You just need to have a thorough read through and you’re there.

1. I don’t normally bother with the pitches but your short pitch sells you short indeed, and your long pitch needs some work. It’s a little muddled and doesn’t capture the content and feel of your story. And your story deserves a lot better as it’s good. Simple mistakes also jar: “the sky [should be ground] is connected to the sky by huge towers”.

2. I like the prologue very much – but a couple of things come to mind. He’s been driving a couple of weeks in his state? And the planes only just find him? That doesn’t seem right. In my mind it needs to be quicker, or you need to make more of Wullum’s valiance, escaping despite his wounds (and not describe it as boredom - he’s running for his life, man!). Or was the gas attack later than the coup? It happened in Estoo and he’s still in the Estoonian plains so what’s that about two continents?

3. Also the protection sphere (one metre) isn’t big enough to allow the truck to survive the missile strike “unscathed”. He’s only protected the cabin, probably less. Make it five metres for a truck. Most SUVs are at least four metres long. A miss by three metres is a direct hit in my view too.

4. What kind of planes are they? Propeller, jet or other? The truck is covering a lot of ground as they manoeuvre. Is Wullum driving on a road or cross country? You mention pot holes and prairies.

5. “Could he reach it before they fired again, he hoped so.” Should be: “Could he reach it before they fired again? He hoped so.”

6. I like the tree references in the security codes. Nice touch.

7. Chapter 1 starts with a description of your world – a Dyson shell right? Give us more! What a fabulous setting. How does the darkening sky work? And yes it would be huge ... good old Wikepedia goes for 550 million times the surface of the Earth! Or as you mention the visible curvature of the ground, you are looking at something of less than 1AU of diameter, hence the central sun must be different from ours. Let the reader know!

8. I love the landscaping magic! That’s classic. And mortgaging the house to pay for tuition. I love the mixture of mundane and fantastic, which I also explore in my scribbles. So much more involving than worlds of unlimited resources.

9. Ah! Tusfern and Janol are asking the same questions as me about the sky darkening. Well done.

10. I’ve greatly enjoyed the discovery of Onnil and all of Chapter 2 as Tusfern and Janol try to figure out what to do with her. It’s starts off superbly with both lads freaking out. That was spot on. But then, the chapter gets indecisive. The hospitality of Janol seems entirely appropriate, but his lack of curiosity and suspicion don’t in a way. Also there does not appear to be much interest from neighbours and authorities and that didn’t quite chime right. So the chapter seems to drag on a little and be a little “vanilla” compared to the previous two. I don’t really know what the solution to that is, but I will read on in case all of those points are deal with in later chapters.

That’s it for the moment, but I will come back in due course. I’m very intrigued as to what will happen next, and I find reading your work very comfortable, very engaging indeed. My list is growing long, however so I must move on.

Best of luck with this.

TRM

Very nice start you have here! I'm quite disappointed to come to the end of the road and find it goes no further - that's the sure sign that you've presented us with an engaging story. You do have to clean up a considerable lot of grammatical, syntactical, punctuational, and usage errors, but you have good characters, fine if a bit slow pacing, some really nice lines (especially the one about the farm staring back at him), and believable dialogue. Good job; backed; let me know when you have more to show.

--James David Audlin
"Rats Live on no Evil Star", etc.

Still one of my favourite books here

Dear Tom, I love that your pitch & prologue were concise, preparing me for the plot of your story. :) The brainstorming sessions are impressive & I really like to do this. :) Your crisp dialogue & paragraphs made for a fast read through chapter 18. :) "Not alien alien. Earth alien" was a nice twist of worlds, as was many others. :) Hope you'll write a lot of books. :) I've read, commented on, backed, & ****** 'd your book :) - could you please back & ****** my memoirs book? Thank you from the bottom of my heart. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I will now go to your 2nd book which I've already backed & ****** 'd. :)

Hey Tom. Continuing to enjoy your tale. Nice, easy to visualize read.

blessings,
jim
jack & charmian london

Tom, I'm beginning to imagine *Infinity* - something the human mind cannot envisage, but here we are. A world beyond our World, yet... in it, with *Spokes* holding up the sky. It's kind of *flat earth* syndrome of old, but with those naysayers proven right!

The opening is fairly heart-stopping - and WHAT a *prize cargo* Willum has... that end line is a humdinger. I feel herein lies the answer to what we are about to read... but how? Readers will want to know.

In 1/2, now we are in the world where there are no sunsets with Janol. I love his thoughts of what could be on the other side. His family life on the farm is so very real, of *this* world, and the fear of an invasion from Zedix, and how this fear is affecting grain prices. Then, a relief, with our young hero given a week's holiday - and we find out his hobby of collecting artefacts. Again, a brilliant but subtle clue, methinks. But he collects two strangers instead from the *wilderness*. He and Tusfern wondering about what lies beneath the earth - wondering just as perhaps we wonder about infinity! Very imaginitive here. And Onnil is a joy - almost a *Jane* to his *Tarzan*, but with so much more depth, and with so much more adventure lying ahead. And, of course, by 3/4, Onnil has seen those *artefacts*... I love it.

Only thing I'd be tempted to change is your short pitch...ha. A suggestion - "In a world without sunsets or rainbows, a young man meets a mysterious woman. Together they must save that world". (Not sure about the 2nd sentence... but I just love your *sunsets and rainbows* - a real hook! Oh, typo alert... (in the pitch) - "....his life goes off on a new......." You have "..........his life goes of....". Hehehe.

One hell of a terrifically imagined story with characters to care about deeply - and backed for Infinity itself.

From Kay
(Waystation to Prosperity Street)

You create a wonderful world and describe it so perfectly. The opening chapter is exciting and really drew me in, then the mystery that follows upon finding the cave is very intriguing. You have a great style of writing and your characters help bring life to the world you create. I thoroughly enjoyed what I read and think this book has the makings of great Sci-fi.
Backed with pleasure
Best of luck
Rachael
Dreamscape

I grew up reading Sci-Fi, so reading this took me back to a time when i was fascinated with strange new worlds, words, names and languages etc.
I have read the first three chapters and have to say that I am impressed. This is a very original story but still has the essential qualities that make a classic Sci-Fi yarn.
Your writing paints a clear picture of somewhere truly different, very descripitve prose indeed.
The pace is excellent and the three chapters that I read zipped along nicely. I will have to read more.....
No nit picks from me, this is good stuff!

Backed.

Simon,
Yuko Zen is Somewhere Else.

Tom,
Have read 11 chap and am pulled into your world. There is as with any good sci fi references to other works and politics etc you cover it very well.
I have a picture in my mind of a giant Tinker Toy (the spoke) in space with added bits of hitch hikers guide thrown in for humour....
Have enjoyed what i read even though it isn't my thing usually. I found it easy to read as you are concentrating on the story rather than dazzling us with science (ho hum) and that helps me a great deal!
:)
Diane
would you mind having a look at GRUMBLEBUG AND ME and letting me know what you think?
cheers. xx

This is a captivating science fiction story with interesting and well fleshed out characters. Apt descriptions. Your storyline is thought provoking. Compelling narrative. Fresh dialogue. Thorough world building. Smooth writing. A delight to read. Backed.

Your talent leaps out and grabs us unsuspecting mortals, taking us on a journey to a place we didn't know existed. Well done. Backed with pleasure. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

I read several chapters Tom. Fascinating story, with many interesting / clever ideas. My only concern would be with the mixute of literature ages oyu are trying to attract. Parts of your story line / fun names are clearly adult in humor, whilst the story with Janol's saga is more young adult. Be careful. But I have backed it! All the best.

After all I have said, I would appreciate your comments etc on my childrens' book ; Paperbat Adventures. Thanks. Jerry [paperbat]

Tom,

You've got a powerful imagination fueling this world you've created! You've done a great job at making this dense and believable without getting too bogged down in detail, and that's a tough line to walk.

Nice work! Backed! Looking forward to your thoughts on Head Games!

Kevin Alex Baker
Head Games

Gripping and page turning opening.

J.S.Watts
A DARKER MOON

Hi Tom

An exciting opening, a punchy prose style serving a suspenseful narrative and a sympathetic hero. Great stuff. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

And I thought I had a vivd imagination, this is almost like the Greek legends where giant colossus stood guard and Atlas holds the world on his shoulders. actually very spiritual feel and atmosphere with a strong fantasy elelment. The story caught and held my attention. what more can i say/ Excellent.

Dear Tom,
This is not normally my preferred genre, but I check it out because I thought it looked original, and I'm so glad I did, you are an amazing writer. Your first chapter drew me in. Your characters are amazing and your imagination is mind boggling. Usually I don't feel adequately experienced to critique spelling or punctuation, not that I saw anything that seemed out of the ordinary, basically the story is so well written it just flowed. I only have one word to describe the innovative story line you have created. Brilliant.
Backed
Helen
The Last Dream

Wow! You have given us a nail biter first chapter, and backed it with solid writing and a great hook! I will be reading more...a lot more! Backed with pleasure!

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

This is a really interesting premise. The prologue was great - mix of sci-fi and fantasy, bit of excitement, and the souls...

It starts a little slowly after that, until the very end of chapter two - that's when I got interested again. Like my writing, there's a little bit of passivity in your prose, but I think that's fine if used correctly.

Nicely done.

Esme C
'The Summoner'

Chaps 1-3. I found this imaginative and Janol convinces as a sort of Pilgrim character...except when, having surveyed the sides of the world which felt quite magical, he remarks 'Shit' which didn't seem to fit that world but ours. You've uploaded enough to show the bulk of a novel and I can't see why it can't compete with the other fantasies on the site. Backed
Lara
Good For Him
Twice Twisted

Really good writing. I've taken a good look and really can't pick any nits with it except perhaps the lack of appropriate emotion from your character. I'd expect somthing stronger (yes I know he's on the run, but bear with me) in terms of his body language/physical/gut reactions.
Your actions scenes are good but I need a human (yes I know he's an alien) way to get inside it.
Hope this is in any way helpful.
Mel The Boy Time Forgot

Imaginative and original. Backed. But you could tweak some ideas to improve it. Wands are so old-fashioned. Orange sticks, perhaps, or something new.
Rosalind
Good For Him

An interesting concept that raises so many hooks and mysteries that you have to follow to discover why there are dinosaurs and no rainbows, This is very visual with spot on characters that sing myustery and intrigue. Will follow this to the end. Backed with pleasure.

This is a superb story in a fantastic sci fi setting. The opening chase scene sucked me in and then I quickly became absorbed in Janol's story. You have just the right balance of intrigue and action. Your writing style is very straight forward and is effortless to read - always a bit of a bonus with sci fi, as over-complicated worlds can deter me. I'll keep reading.

One small thing. Here and there, I found that there was too much over-explanation. eg.
'She pointed to herself and said 'Onnil'. Must be her name Janol thought.'
You don't need the 'must be her name' part.

Your highly descriptive writing style coupled with your vivid imagination ensures that your finely crafted science fiction story will have great appeal with the YA audience. Your work is well crafted and well written. Your use of imagery is excellent and your character development is solid. Backed with pleasure.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

I read four chapters, which is a first for me and due to your very interesting story line and characters. There is nothing here to fault, which enabled me to become engrossed in the read. The genres you have listed for the work are not my normal read and I got more of a feeling of the work being Fantasy than Sci Fi. Maybe this was with the introduction of the Madg's and the magician element.

The Prologue is a good hook and full of tension that builds. I have mixed feelings about prologues. I get the feeling that most are concocted to create action to titilate the reader into reading on.when in fact the story you have created is character driven and they are far more interesting than the action in the prologue. IMHO your story does not need the prologue. Your character development of Janol and his family is excellent, but the character that stands out for me is Onnil. The mystery that surrounds her drives the story foreward from the moment they find her in the cave.
I have to say I was a little dissapointed when I thoughtt Janol was going to develop a relationship with Hifa. I was pleased when that fizzled out and we find out he preffered the company of Onnil. Will they strike up a relationship? Under normal circumstance that would keep me reading as a hook.

My only real crit is that having gone to a great deal of trouble to create a believable Sci Fi/ fantansy world, I wish you had left out the word 'shit' which crops up around 3 times. This is coming from someone who uses a less than liberal smattering of expletives throughout in my books, so it has nothing to do with moral standards. I just felt the term was out of place. Maybe come up with your own swearword. Here in Brasil we use the word Droga and in Latin America the word Jode for the word fuck. I am sure you could come up with a word for shit, more in keeping with the story.

Really nice quirky ideas here about how mundane things from the present might affect the future. I like your premise and the detail you've put into the narrative, and the writing serves it well overall. There are a few times when you lump together a number of sentences beginning with pronouns, which tends to cause a lot of sameness. Recasting some of these sentences will only make the writing stronger. Good luck with this; happy to back it for you.
Craig
The Job

Tom, I really liked this. There are some writing errors, but overall, this is fast paced, engaging and entertaining. Reminds me of the classics I loved so much.
Backed!
Paul ( www.pauldaytonscifi.com ) We've Seen the Enemy

The light that never went out
Tom Greenwood

Thought-provoking pitches here, especially the short one, "A young man meets a mysterious woman. Together they stop his country being invaded and he learns the secrets of his world." The long one was entertaining and seemed to promise a little comedy as well so I was happy to start reading this. I think you have an interesting story for your target YA audience. Magic seems to be "in" a lot these days so you are on good ground. The first sentence, "any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic" makes sense - made me think of cavemen experiencing fire for the first time - of course they would have though it was "magic" . I like your ideas here. You have a wonderful imagination - and I thought this well written. Happy to have given it a spin on my shelf and all the best in finding a publisher.
Zan

I've read the first three chapters, and I enjoyed them very much. I love scifi and this hits all the marks. Backed

Tom -

Happy to back your book.

Best of luck here.

- Jeff Lee
THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR

This was a fun read. You've created a great world here and settled it with interesting characters. Sometimes fantasy worlds are so packed with strange creatures and powers it's hard to get into them. That's not true with this one. I knew I wasn't in Kansas but that was okay. This was better than Kansas. It's a good read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

You have an amazing imagination and bring it out very well in your writing. Engaging style and good dialogue with the right pace too. Backed with pleasure. Colin

You have a gifted imagination and a knack for putting it into words! Well crafted and smart! Bless you for having all of the book uploaded cause i'll be back! BACKED with pleasure - and then I saw you are a Mike Meyers fan so of course you must be special!

liz
The Cheech Room

Very well written. The book comes fast and smoothly which is a hard thing to accomplish. I can see many people enjoying this and I wish you all the luck you deserve.
Aimee
His Pride, Her Prejudice

Hi Tom
A Great book for the YA genre. It flows well and you use appropriate language. It is easy to get lost in it. Loved it!
DP Walker
Five Dares

This is well written SF. The reader is caught up in the adventure immediately, and your MC feels both real and sympathetic. Backed.

Bill

This is a little tricky for me because sc fi is a genre I don't really know or ever read. But yours reads like a fairy tale with thriller elements and it's very well written, so if I were a sci fi fan, I'm sure I'd be compelled to read on. I do admire sci fi writers, it must be quite a difficult thing to achieve. I wish you the very bes of luck, the writing alone deserves it.

This is a little tricky for me because sc fi is a genre I don't really know or ever read. But yours reads like a fairy tale with thriller elements and it's very well written, so if I were a sci fi fan, I'm sure I'd be compelled to read on. I do admire sci fi writers, it must be quite a difficult thing to achieve. I wish you the very bes of luck, the writing alone deserves it.

This is very cool and hard to stop reading to comment. I cheated because I saw Beval's comment about it being a Dyson Sphere before I started reading, but I think I would have figured it out anyway. The description of the sky darkening is beautiful and makes me wish I could see it. The Clarke quote you start off with and all of the magic kept making me think of some of the things Jo Walton keeps writing about the difference between science fiction and fantasy being whether magic/technology is presented as mundane or as numinous. I can't find exactly the essay I'm thinking of, otherwise I'd link to it. This is the kind of very special book that makes me, anyway, look at my own world a little differently. I'm looking forward to reading more.

Hi Tom;

I just read the first three chapters of your book (All I have time for today :(

I think you've hit the YA market squarely between the eyes, if they they get over their dysfunctional attraction to sparkly vampires.

The prologue was great, the second chapter was good scene building, setting up your world. and moved us into the main part of the story.

One small comment, and please note that this is just an opinion. When they meet Onil for the first time, there is the scene where they both say "shit" I understand that they were stressed, but it seemed a little out of place to me. That doesn't seem to be part of their vocabulary in the other parts I read. I don't think it's necessary, and it doesn't really add to the story, or character development.

I have nothing against swearing, and as far as strong words go, 'shit" is pretty light. It just seemed odd to me.

All in all, a great read. I grew up with Andre Norton, Heinlein, and Asimov. This is the kind of book I would have devoured as a YA.

Best wished Tom,

Bob

Absolutely thrilling. You have a brilliant start to an incredible tale. Totally enjoyable. A pleasure to read and back.

Ok Tom.
Your short summary was a good little hook. Your long summary, not so much. Its rambling style did not inspire me to pick up your book. But, as I am here to read, I read.

Your prologue was ok. Awkward, but ok. Had I been one of those pilots willum's blood would have been all over the 'spoke'. It felt almost like the world paused for him to jump through hoops to get in.
You redeemed yourself with the last line though and i was pushed to keep reading.
I like your main character. Dialogue was, meh, but i had a line to walk which was reassuring.
I hate the names of your countries. Estoo (meh) Zeedix (double meh) Wyive (m- ok I like this one)
All in all after a few awkward spots I liked it. You have an imagination and am glad you shared it with me.
TrollMunky

Great imagination, very interesting world building. Good Luck!

I had stopped being amazed at how fertile peoples imaginations are on this list, then you come along. What a fantastic premise, what fantastic writing!

Famlavan – Museum of Old Beliefs