The Last Prophecies of Harriman Ellis

This is superior story-telling in every way. Everything is a different approach to anything I have seen before and there is plenty of food for thought for the curious. Images and ideas from this book will linger long after reading. On my shelf. Patrick Barrett (Shakespeares Cuthbert)

Excellent characterizations here. A wonderful and, I think, important book. I could see this appealing to a very wide range of people. I love your setting and your lovely descriptions. And as dialogue is the bane of my existence, I couldn't help but notice your effective use of believable dialogue. Starting out with the fire was excellent. You have a knack for this business that I could never hope to learn. It is effortless. You've got everything here to make it a success. Good luck.

Cheers!
Jamie (The Unlikely Witch)

Hello Jason,

You have awesome story here that gripped me right from the prologue until chapter 4, where I stopped.The writing is smooth and polished, the descriptions are vivid and the pacing added to the story's appeal. And written on a fascinating premise, it is intuitively observed. Rightly shelved.

Al the best.

Janvier (FLASH OF THE SUN)

This is a super story and very relevant. The idea that's at the centre of your pitch - "the stubborn desire to believe in times of disaster" - sounds like a clarion call by Richard Dawkins, or Karl Marx's "Religion is the opium of the people". You have excellent narrative gifts and the way your novel begins - with fire spreading downwards from a ceiling - is very well set out and testament to your skills as a storyteller in the novel-writing mould. This is timely and eerie, and deserves a place on anyone's shelf.
I have only one quibble: the last sentence of your pitch: "and a man older than the church who join" should be "joins". But you knew that.
Bookshelved.

Churches, tales of Prophesies. All appealing ideas.
I like this book a lot.
Your writing has a nice flow to it.
You write about emotions beautifully, and the dialogue is extremely well written.
5 stars
Junetee (Four Corners)

I know all about dark forboding prophecies. I was raised in a church who based their whole doctrine on prophecies of DOOM!!! haha. Love this. It's a dark chilling tale. Also, a bit of a social commentary. The dialogue about Terrin exhaling dust was genius! WL.

Jason-

This is very good. It flows well and is nicely polished.
The introduction was great. I really liked how you threw characters in and how they heard about the incident as well as their reactions.

Your diologue flows very well. The young sound young, the old sound old. You're very good at writing the diologue formally when the character needs to be formal or relaxed if the situation calls for it.

The emotions each of the characters feel are very apparent in your writing as well.

On my shelf. Best of luck.
-Amber
(Unsung Heroes)

This is really good. Your characters are very strong and your plot sets in immediately. I'm usually not a big fan of prologues but yours is excellent.

Can't say anything other than I've really enjoyed this read. Too bad we don't have the time on Authonomy to go deeper into the books that resonate so well, but I'll be back in a few weeks to read more.

Shelved and good luck.
Dania (The It! Refugee)

Hi Jason,

This is very well written. You have an intriguing story here with well-crafted characters and dialogue. Your vivid descriptions were wonderful. I was hooked form the start. You are a natural storyteller.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

Jason, I love it man. It's an interesting plot and you even have to use your brain a bit. It doesn't spoon feed you and blast you through the plot chunnel. All the characters feel real and you really give a good sense of the surroundings. Well done man.

The Last Prophecies of Harriman Ellis...

Based on your partial, I'm certainly going to shelve this novel. The writing is really fine (loved your metaphors and you don't overuse them either), the characters are intriguing and very real (and you do your characterizations very economically...and totally via showing, it seemed to me) and you use setting details effectively without slowing down the story.

My only disappointment was that I wanted to get into the religious issues sooner--your pitch made me really curious as to your actual thesis about religion, faith, prophecies, etc. This isn't a defect in the novel, however. It's my personal lack of time that prevents me from reading more than a partial.

Your opening chapter made me laugh, and it's an unusual technique which ought not to have worked as well as it does. I mean, in a way, it's a list of characters the way you might see them listed in a screenplay and could be very confusing. Yet, for me, at least, it wasn't. Good job.

The next two chapters clinched the deal for me because I know the people of whom you write. I've met every single one of them, or, at least, people very like them--this is the mark of a good writer, IMHO. You know how to create a scene and to leave me wanting more at the end of it. If I were an agent, I'd definitely ask for a full after reading your partial.

So, you're shelved with much enthusiasm and my best wishes for your success here on authonomy and in the the real world. Jason, I truly do like this work.

Cheers,
Sheryl
IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES (although I'd love your backing, what matters more to me is your constructive criticism...I hope you'll find the time to give me your reactions to my novel.)

Hi Jason,
An interesting story. You write well kept me interested and that's my usual criteria for shelving, so up you go.

I'm not sure why you have this as magic rather than science fiction. The problem with this approach is that you have to explain what the magic was up to during the previous couple of thousand years. The prologue is a good hook and an interesting way to introduce the cast of characters, though I must admit I had forgotten all of them by half way through ch1

Terrin is interesting and I was hoping to see more of him. He reminded me of the librarian in Diskworld.

Chapter 2 was good, but I'm having trouble by this point with all the characters being introduced with action and info dump all thrown together. If I had been writing I would have adjusted the pace of the narrative and slowed things down a little. But to each his own.

Chapter 3 starts to bring things together nicely and you have certainly set up plenty of hooks in the story. This is where I stopped reading.

Good luck with this.

John

This is superior story-telling in every way. Everything is a different approach to anything I have seen before and there is plenty of food for thought for the curious. Images and ideas from this book will linger long after reading. On my shelf. Patrick Barrett (Shakespeares Cuthbert)

Excellent characterizations here. A wonderful and, I think, important book. I could see this appealing to a very wide range of people. I love your setting and your lovely descriptions. And as dialogue is the bane of my existence, I couldn't help but notice your effective use of believable dialogue. Starting out with the fire was excellent. You have a knack for this business that I could never hope to learn. It is effortless. You've got everything here to make it a success. Good luck.

Cheers!
Jamie (The Unlikely Witch)

Dear Jason:

The pitches:
The bit about Long Island riveted me.
Suggest breaking up the long pitch into more than the current two paragraphs. It still looks like too much text. The story is complicated enough; don't make it even harder by challenging the readers to wade through the pitch. Something as simple as breaking it into digestible bits makes if far more palatable.

Normally I'm not crazy about prologues. But this is fascinating, the fire that blazes downward. And the tone; there's already an irreverent air about it. (Courtney W. not knowing where Antigua was. Nilda caring less.) The Acolyte seldom looking up.
Already, I'm turning the virtual page!

Then we have a nutty Acolyte exhaling dust. Wonderful: "the gaze had force because it was seen so seldom"

This looks to be work of the highest creativity. Love the descriptions, the characters, the story. I'll return for more simply because I have to. In the meantime, shelved most enthusiastically.

The prologue serves it's pupose - creating a mystery to keep us reading, but your writing gets much stronger in chapter one. You should us through dialogue the differences between Aron and Lloyd. Their meetings with Terrin and Birch are great. You've set your piece in motion well. I like the setting - although it's in The USA of North America, you don't draw on the Bible and use Revelation as your guide. Instead you draw upon Harriman Ellis' Prophecies - I'm assuming that's fictious. This makes you able to contrast / compare this to the Bible while being original. Not sure what your take is, but that's what makes this interesting.

Amelia seems to be an interesting figure. Need to figure out what she's all about. A doubter? Scientist? Devilish provoker? Well done.

Hello Jason,

You have awesome story here that gripped me right from the prologue until chapter 4, where I stopped.The writing is smooth and polished, the descriptions are vivid and the pacing added to the story's appeal. And written on a fascinating premise, it is intuitively observed. Rightly shelved.

Al the best.

Janvier (FLASH OF THE SUN)

just started reading this and really enjoying it - it's keeping me intrigued and love how the prologue sets up the different characters. Also enjoying the contrast between Aron and Lloyd, getting a good sense of them as people - will continue to comment as I read further :-)

This is a super story and very relevant. The idea that's at the centre of your pitch - "the stubborn desire to believe in times of disaster" - sounds like a clarion call by Richard Dawkins, or Karl Marx's "Religion is the opium of the people". You have excellent narrative gifts and the way your novel begins - with fire spreading downwards from a ceiling - is very well set out and testament to your skills as a storyteller in the novel-writing mould. This is timely and eerie, and deserves a place on anyone's shelf.
I have only one quibble: the last sentence of your pitch: "and a man older than the church who join" should be "joins". But you knew that.
Bookshelved.

Hi Jason,
I like your premise, there is plenty in the offing here and I am enjoying the read, This is well written, it is pacy and quite gripping. You have a good imagination and you write confidently, if that makes sense? This is something a bit different from other fantasy I have read on here, it stands out. You create a good atmosphere which draws me into the story. This is a good read and it's on my revolving shelf spot.
Bests,
AnnabelleP
(Adelaide Short)

Hi Jason.

Interesting setting which adds mood to story. Excellent descriptive narration and you have thought out every nuance of the surroundings. The voices are natural and move the story forward. I agree with trimming the prologue and would consider trimming unnecessary information. Fantastic with tension and obstacles for protagonist. You have a gift for visualization. This feels like a movie. Great work. Best wishes. Janet Marie

Hi Jason,
I think you have a good story here, it's very interesting and certainly pulls the reader along. As a previous poster commented though there is something with the Prologue which seems to stumble a bit.My feeling would be if the prologue is smoothed out this would be superb. Shelved and wishing you the best, Eric

Before I knew it I had read all the chapters you had posted here ...

I'm enjoying this a lot and will w/list it while I sort out a space on my shelf. In the meantime, I do agree with blustocking's comment that a little more physical description would be helpful. I have a good imagination and have created the visuals in my head, but a bit of a steer in the direction you're thinking of would be good.

The power and corruption of religion has always interested me, and I'm looking forward to reading more as and when you post it.

Best wishes
Amery

Although the prologue set me back a bit, once this story gets rolling it really catches fire. Great premise for a story too.

The Last Prophecies of Harriman Ellis

Hi Jason, What an interesting and well executed premise, you have an excellent imagination and the assuredness in your writing that you know where you are taking us. We are quite happy, I think to go along with you. I was cautious initally of the huge info-dump of names in the Prologue, but I think you get away with it because of the inherent intrigue you manage to weave in as part of the process of delivering all of the names. They do, I think, simply add to the intrigue. A powerful start, paid work means I cannot really read more than prologue and chapter one at the moment. I thought the section with the acolyte was well written, the dialogue worked and I am intrigued enough to read on.

A confident, unpretentious start, well done and I will back this soon - Andrew W.

Hello Jason, I'm just through Ch.4 and very much enjoying this imaginative, thoughtful fantasy. It's hard for me to tell from the excerpt what the narrative arc is, here, so I've confined my comments to kind of nuts-and-bolts issues until I get a better sense of the whole. Shelved with pleasure and looking forward to more. My suggestions and comments:

The pitch. Suggest cutting this right up to the sentence, "A fast-moving fantasy novel ..." It's really good from that point onward, I think.

(Is the closeness of the name Harriman Ellis to Harlan Ellison deliberate?)

I would lose the prologue, I think. Its sole function seems to be to announce that the Antigua prophecy is going to figure largely in this narrative. But because the Antigua prophecy is fulfilled right in Ch. 1, and we can already tell from events in the archives (a wonderful scene, I thought) that it is going to be a big deal, it's like you waste too much of that valuable first few minutes of the reader's attention without really gaining the story any momentum.

Loved the character of Terrin. He reminds me of my stepson, ha ha. I could definitely use more physical description of Lloyd and Aron, here. Their clothes, the way they look.

"his voice sounded like rotted wood being torn apart" a bit overcooked, for my taste. Hard to imagine this sound as a voice.

Rhododendron is kind of a strange plant, here. You don't mean "philodendron" do you? I am no kind of horticulturist, but aren't philodendrons more likely to be inside? (WHAT am I talking about this is a whole alternate universe---! Okay!)

I just adore the end of Ch. 1, I must say. The only thing is okay, there are fifty-one prophecies fulfilled but out of how many? Maybe you don't want to say so, yet.

If I were you, I would put in a whole newscast in here somewhere. One of these really propagandistic newscasts.

A general thing. The dialogue is good as it stands, but could be made excellent with a very small amount of cutting. There is a slight tendency to belabor the point. An example:

"Did we get any video of the spout?" she asked.

"No, but we got a few stills. UNSA nets got a hold of a few tourist snaps, all of them 3-D. Want a look?"

"Load them up."

Waylon punched up the stills, and the flat display of the spectrgraph [sp?] results vanished while a three-dimensional street scene sprang forward.

If you cut the dialogue after "all of them 3-D," it reads *much* more smoothly because it doesn't impede the momentum. The reader gets the chance to imagine Waylon "punching up the stills" for himself and is thereby drawn into the action more effectively. I would have a readthrough just for this. It's all a question of cutting, and it won't take much. That will really put the pedal to the metal.

I could use a closer description of the cart they take to Islip. In general, slipping a line or two of visual description into each scene will make the action more vivid and easy to imagine for the reader. Also, I'd like to see exactly how some of this magic is performed. Four chapters in, I think we should see a bit of conjuring by now.

Missing word in Ch. 5 "they too committed and intelligent" should be "they are too committed and intelligent." This 'Interlude" is a bit too coy, maybe?? I don't know I need to read more before I say so.

This is hugely promising and I am looking forward to learning more of the adventures of our two CMC adepts et al. All the best, Maria.