The Forgotten Room

Ah, the Forgotten Room. Well, I'd forgotten just how good some books could be, and this is definitely one of them.

I love the immediacy of the story, the way M. Rayburn draws you into the lives of Tom, Moggy and Ruairí strraight away, with the merest hint of a little exposition. Putting an American teenager with Irish cousins cleverly gives the book "cross-pond" appeal, allowing it to sell in either markets just as well. Few kids books can do that, with the epitomy being the Harry Potter series.

The atmosphere of the town, along with the mansion, was so tightly drawn I found myself forgetting to breathe! The dialogue between the children was spot-on, with not a single rough point. Just classic. So much so, this story reminded me of Will Peterson's successful "Triskellion" series, or even Wyndham's "The Midwich Cuckoos" for children. There was even something "olde worlde" in the most modern way, and one of my favorite children's books – "The Children of Green Knowe" sprang to mind. Not a bad thing at all, and not a bad word to be said for it.

The reading of this story went by in a Blur (sorry!) which is why I've shelved it. My only sticking point is that it is only virtual, and that I have no well-thumbed copy to pick up from time to time like an old friend. Come on, publishers, pull your fingers out!

Wow,
This "feels" so authentic, so rich in flavor of things Ireland. Your settngs stand out, your characters are superb, the dialogue is perfect. The word quality comes to mind, top notch. I really like this. Tom is a perfect cousin to the O'Connors with his exasperation with Irish. On my shelf.
Jeff

Ha! Loving this. You've brought to life those golden years of childhood and created some great characters. I love Moggy and all the other unpronouncables too. The trip into the mansion is great in that it epitomises the child's love of exploring, We were always getting up to such high jinx though without the same effects alas. Great fun and exciting. It's got it all guys.

This is a very well crafted and polished piece of literature and easy to see this published. Well drawn characters with a compelling plot! BACKED

Liz
The Cheech Room

The Forgotten Room...

I love this story and will be shelving it momentarily.

The only suggestion I have is to make the dialogue a little more Irish where appropriate so that Tom's voice is distinctive (and the others, too.)

Take a look at Tnuth, if you haven't already...great book and just the right touch of the Irish, IMO.

This one, however, is also great and I do hope you make it to the ED.

Cheers,
Sheryl (would love your reactions to mine when you get a moment.)

Hello Maria ,

I am speed-backing today. That means I’m reading three chapters at a stretch, deciding on shelvability, and backing works that deserve it.

So, yours is going on my shelf, then to my W/L. Later, I will make review comments. Since we are in the last hours of this month, I want to give as much support to worthy works as I can.


I will say for now, that this is excellent. Well written, and the hooks at the end of the chapters are affective.

Good job,

Rian

Hi, from the YA group. Wow, this is really good, I really like all the characters, very lively and interesting. And its educational too (I didn't know the Irish didn't speak english >< ) anyway, great story, really exciting in the first chapter, the dialogue, I love it, and the way you describe things, great, not too flowery and long winded, just right. I'll have to come back and read more later. Good luck with this.

Oni

This is totally convincing.

If I had a say in it, I would say, stay in Tom's point of view. You've got a wild assembly of O'Connors here. I also think you should start with him meeting them all. It reminds me, dare I say, of The Famous Five and one of their adventures.

I think I would trim some of the dialogue and description and get on with the story, though. Bearing in mind your target audience is kids.

I'm 99% sure I backed this a while ago.

What a great read! I love the dialogue. The characters come alive with wit, imagination, and great crosstalk. This book makes me wish I had a fireplace so I could read while curled up beside it. Yes, and I think I need a dog too and probably a pot of tea and something to nibble on. This book makes me hungry. What fun!

What a great read! I love the dialogue. The characters come alive with wit, imagination, and great crosstalk. This book makes me wish I had a fireplace so I could read while curled up beside it. Yes, and I think I need a dog too and probably a pot of tea and something to nibble on. This book makes me hungry. What fun!

I love the setting and characters, the fundamentals of a good book! Shelved
Lisa (One Death is a Tragedy)

I'm watchlisting this sucker! I've read a little so far and thoroughly enjoyed it -- more later when I'm not running late for work!

Ah, the Forgotten Room. Well, I'd forgotten just how good some books could be, and this is definitely one of them.

I love the immediacy of the story, the way M. Rayburn draws you into the lives of Tom, Moggy and Ruairí strraight away, with the merest hint of a little exposition. Putting an American teenager with Irish cousins cleverly gives the book "cross-pond" appeal, allowing it to sell in either markets just as well. Few kids books can do that, with the epitomy being the Harry Potter series.

The atmosphere of the town, along with the mansion, was so tightly drawn I found myself forgetting to breathe! The dialogue between the children was spot-on, with not a single rough point. Just classic. So much so, this story reminded me of Will Peterson's successful "Triskellion" series, or even Wyndham's "The Midwich Cuckoos" for children. There was even something "olde worlde" in the most modern way, and one of my favorite children's books – "The Children of Green Knowe" sprang to mind. Not a bad thing at all, and not a bad word to be said for it.

The reading of this story went by in a Blur (sorry!) which is why I've shelved it. My only sticking point is that it is only virtual, and that I have no well-thumbed copy to pick up from time to time like an old friend. Come on, publishers, pull your fingers out!

I think your characters are lovely. I wonder if you need some hint of the magical earlier.

I've read the first three chapters so far. What a lovely, lilting style you have, so that reading this feels like having a tale read aloud to me. The characters are appealing, and easy to tell apart. This reminds me of the childhood stories I loved, and I sank into it with much pleasure.

Shelved.

Good charectorisation. An enjoyable read. Shelved.


-Jenny-

I'm enjoying this....love when Ruairi says '...we'lll go in there in the Dead Of NIght."

You are on my WL. Will shuffle things in a few days and put you on my shelf. A gentle nudge is acceptable if you don't see this happen soon.

Janet (Nicholas Farraday & The Mystery of the Dropa Stones)

I really enjoyed the first three chapters of this and if I were a young teenager I'd be rushing to read the rest of it.
All good wishes.

Maria,

I shelved this book with the intention of reading it to my grand-daughters but realised afterwards at 6 and 8, this is a little out of their range. So I saved it for myself, and I have thoroughly enjoyed the read. Your dialogue is really excellent, I quickly became enraptured in the world of adolescents, their thinking, actions, and of course their interpretation of the world. It made me remember what it was like to be a teenager again, and for that alone you get my vote!

I think this is a book which can equally be enjoyed well by adults; there is a hint of the Enid Blighton adventure to it, the diverse family members thrown together, mysterious house, expedition with torches etc, are all a nice memory of times gone by. It has a lovely old-fashioned and wholesome feel to it; I would be happy to buy something like this for my grand-daughters when they are older, knowing that it is pure clean fun.

Good luck with this, George.

Starting the novel with the very first word being one most people won't know how to pronounce! Ha ha! (How do you pronounce Ruairi by the way!). All joking aside, this is a delightful romp ideal for the young adult market, the main characters interact beautifully and there is a wonderful sense of adventure here. Can't wait to see what happens next. My shelf is full at the moment, but will clear a space in the next few days.

PS. I do know how to pronouce Aoife! (Ee-fa?!)

I've come across some really great dialogue on Authonomy, but I haven't yet come across dialogue as good as this. Because you seem to instinctively understand what people do when they speak: they communicate at cross-purposes. What's said isn't always what's heard and what's heard is often ... nothing: the supposed hearer's miles away. What would be the first page or so of your novel once it becomes published delighted and amazed me, and I felt drawn to Ruairi and to Tom simultaneously. I'm not going to write a lot about this, because there's not a lot to say. It's just so good, that's all. I can see parents buying it for their children and actually reading on themselves when the children are asleep. Bookshelved definitely!

Nice relaxed read and quite atmospheric. Here are notes, quickly, which I hope may be useful if you wish to edit. Sorry if it looks like I'm focusing on the negatives - good stuff just gets a mention and doesn't need explanation.

Negatives: Thought the pace was very slow. I felt I was waiting far too long to get to even a hint of the magical stuff. There was lots of dialogue that didn't add to the story - main example right up front: if it's being ignored by Tom it could and should be ignored by the reader; one line of "Tom ignored his cousin's ramblings" explanation would have done it. I found it hard to follow all the people thrown into the first chapter - after Tom and Ruairi there was an avalanche of indistinctly defined characters: can't picture them, can't quite pin down their relationships - I'm still not sure if Moggy and Marie are the same person or two different girls. Can the subsequent characters be introduced more gradually? Do you even need such a big cast? Obviously, all the Irish names would be a challenge for younger readers - rather than a pronounciation guide, wouldn't you serve the reader better by just using names they can actually read? Generally I thought the sentence structures and level of language quite high for a children's book. Oh, and is the language Irish? I thought it was Gaelic? Or is that reactionary, non-PC and behind the times?

Positives: nice idea, Tom's a well-drawn and sympathetic character, good back drops, nice atmosphere.

Overall, very nicely done.

Hi ladies,
This is a really lovely fun read, the first chapter makes me feel just the tiniest bit home sick! You have a definite gift for dialogue and the descriptions are amazing. I could see sections of this book written in both Irish and English and used as a reading aid for children learning Irish in schools, well done!
I do have a few tiny criticisms, the first of which goes against the majority of your comments here, so please feel free to ignore. Everybody loves the bit about the bogs, for me, it kind of makes me cringe. Your writing is so strong and original and you really do capture the Irish household, but I feel the mention of bogs is a bit too stereotypical for my liking. I do see that it's comical for an international audience but I think the average Irish reader might not find it that amusing.
I would also worry that the writing style and lengthy (but brilliant) descriptions might go over the read of your average early-teenage reader. You might find yourself losing lazy readers as they skim over them to get to the core of the plot, when they enter the old house. Perhaps it might be worth reading back and seeing if there is anything non essential that you could cut out to make it a tighter script. Just my opinion though.

I really did enjoy this and your writing talent is truly remarkable; I'm happy to put you on my shelf!
All the best, Ceri

PS. Thank you for your comments about Fatty Buttons, I'm glad you think the name is cute. Unfortunately it's non negotiable as he's actually my real-life cat and wouldn't be very happy if I changed his name in the story! He actually thinks it's a pretty cool name, there are cat's in our neighbourhood at home called Tufty and Snuffles so he got away lightly!

Dear Maria, I feel as if I’m watching a skillfully made movie. That’s partly because your division of the narrative into scenes is very cinematic, but mostly because your physical description is so vivid. I don’t know if you’ve intended to create a parallel with “the long-lost art of Credenting,” but you certainly have one.

In Chapter 3, you write, “Tom felt as if he had accidentally stepped into a world where the room itself was more alive than he was,” and this could be applied to all the children, for the settings are described far more fully than they are. I say “children,” but I’m only guessing at their ages, and I can’t see them clearly because, with some exception (Moggy’s hat, for example), I’m not given visual clues. I don’t know if you’ve deliberately omitted physical description of the four major characters, perhaps so the reader can create her own images of them, but I feel I should call your attention to it.

And I’m not saying this is flaw. Indeed, although I had trouble distinguishing the four at first, I soon found that they were defining themselves in their conversations, and you sometimes briefly enter the mind of one of them, as in the sentence I’ve quoted. I’ve just finished Chapter 3, and between what they’ve said and what you’ve revealed directly, I feel I’ve gotten to know them quite well.

I was also as fascinated as they were by the room, and as unsettled as they were by their new-found, still unexplained and unpredictable powers. In your pitch, you say, “the more they learn, the more questions they have”: for me, this means the surprises will keep on coming. You’ve also said, “They learn how to bring the imagined to life”: something your book has certainly done. On my shelf. Maria, The Pharaoh’s Cat

Hello Marias.
I'm blown away by your great story. When do we get part two! Seriously it's really good....how you can capture a train of thought, using a whole social scene for background effect! Lot of work but worth it.

Suggestions.

Nothing earth shaking I'm afraid. The Irish names are a little hard for your
world readers who mentally spend hours pronouncing Aoife. Ruairi or Raoul.
i tend to change the spelling...Eefa, etc.

On a similar detail, how about a little glossary. You could include gems of Irish culture...a camogie puck... and the concept of BLUR.

I could be completely wrong but maybe some of the insightful passages
would go over the heads of 13 or 14 year-olds reading this.

But it seems you're going for children of all ages.


all the best with it.............Mike

Maria, the conversation and especailly the descriptions are brilliant - 'midnight-coloured feather', sky 'boiling with black clouds'. And such a sweet, mad family, and such adventures. I've got as far as ch 5 and will back it while continuing. Very good luck with it,
Lynn

Hi, I watchlisted this a day or so ago and I've finally gotten around to reading it. I've read your first chapter and I love the dialogue. There is one small pick, you've got "widened his eyes pleadingly" and you follow it up with another adverb in the next paragraph. You don't need either of these. Now, I know we keep hearing people going on about adverbs and their use, and I'm a firm believer that there are places for them. Your dialogue, however, is strong enough to convey the meaning of the character without them. It's like having icing on the cake (your dialogue) then putting hard jubes on top of it. It's just not necessary.
My only other concern is that (and this is my opinion only - bearing in mind that I write for young adult and the seriously attention deprived) I found the point of the story was put on the backburner while we learnt about the family. Yes, we need to know about the family, but I'd have liked to see them breaking into the decrepit mansion way early on to create some tension. As I say, that's only me. It's a fabulous lesson in dialogue though. I'll put it on my shelf.
Cealarenne
THE DIARIES OF MOSEY BLAIN

Love the characters and the Irish je ne sais quoi that I may not understand but I find very appealing. Shelved.

I was pre-disposed to like this anyway, being Irish, and also having something on this site which is co-written - completely different from this though. I do like it - your dialogue is realistic, the characterisation is fresh & believable, and the reader is drawn into the adventure which is about to begin. Will give this a turn on our shelf

Hello, Maria - I have written three word on my notes sheet for this: "fun, Irish sods". I think that encapsulates it perfectly, don't you? Good pace, catchy dialogue, and love the Irish names. (It took me ages to figure out how to spell my friend's name: 'Muireann'. She is in my phone as 'Wirren'; so much easier.) Maire in particular is very well portrayed, and I found myself liking her from the off. Here are my other random thoughts, as they occurred:

- "absently": think this needs to be 'absent-mindedly';
- "Dead of Night": love the capitals. I can hear him pronouncing them;
- "attacking students again, Maire?": clever use of the word 'again'. Tells us so much, so simply;
- "and[,] therefore, life": need the comma;
- "I wasn't *that* inspired": love it;
- "What a gom": I *like* this word. Please explain it to me, so that I may use it most appositely;
- "It would be [just] like her... just to see his": delete one of those 'justs', to avoid the repetition;
- good end to chpt 1.

In short, lovely stuff, m'dear. I shall give you a small boot upwards with a moment on the shelf - sestius

Wow,
This "feels" so authentic, so rich in flavor of things Ireland. Your settngs stand out, your characters are superb, the dialogue is perfect. The word quality comes to mind, top notch. I really like this. Tom is a perfect cousin to the O'Connors with his exasperation with Irish. On my shelf.
Jeff

I've read only the first chapter so far, but I liked it. The characters are believable and funny. I too like the Irish thing you've got happening. I haven't read too many Irish novels, not for kids anyway, so that's something new and fresh you're offering.

It isn't just the Irish names that I'd need help with, but also other Irish words, e.g. sliotar , what is that? I gather something used in hurling ... if there are anymore uniquely Irish words like that (remember I've only read the first chapter) then you may want to consider a little glossary, especially if you are hoping for an international audience.

I've put you on my bookshelf. Will get back soon to read more...

I think this is absolutely charming, my only word of caution is about the names. it is not just the pronunciation that foxed me but the age and sex of the characters. a bit more clarity would make this delightful family even more accessible.

certainly they deserve a place on my shelf and i look forward to more of their adventures another time.

maitreyi
BLOGSPOT -hope you like it when you get there.

good pitch.
maitreyi
BLOGSPOT

m.
This almost won me over just from the fact that it is Ireland. I love Ireland. But I can’t back you for that reason alone. Unfair to the rest of Authonomy.
I have to say, people get on ME for using weird names. Lol… Tadhg is the only one hard to pronounce. Irish. Hehe. So I bet you will get told the same thing.
I love this. Simple, sweet. (in the opening anyway) I visited friends in Ireland a few years ao. I could picture it being their house and their son talking to MY child in Gaelic and her not understanding a hoot! So funny.
***LOVE the “never mention Bogs” bit! Lol very funny!
I like your flow. I like your characters. Dialogue is great. And it is witty. Need I say more?
Shelved.
Gina

I love the young enthusiastic voice of the kids in this book - having an Irish mother I also liked the paddy inflections here and there. I think kids will love this, and I might read on to see what happens at the abandoned house...
Shelved.
Ed (Mutant Toe)

Charming. Shelved. Best of luck with it, Bek

Nice pace and dialogue. I can see that it will appeal to a wide readership
Good luck to both of you.
Stay warm at the rayburn.
Regards.
Pat

Elly an Ionia,

Here's my review of your first chapter:

You do a great job of introducing all the characters with their own distinct personalities. Ruairi roars onto the scene with his Plan. Tom is so engrossed in his troubles with Ireland he doesn't even hear Ruairi. Moggy comes in speaking of the sacred bond between patron and library, while Aoife tries to calm her down. The entire first scene plays out exactly like a chaotic kitchen would in real life. The dialogue is alive and well written and subtly humorous, too. Great job! ;)

I just love the whole survival guide idea... in light of the first scene it rings so true ;)

You have a real gift for dialogue,,, the interplay of your characters through it is so life-like with subtle misunderstandings and tangents, but all leading naturally towards the goal of the first chapter and foreshadowing things to come. Bravo!

The running gag with the bogs is a nice touch too... especially when Mr. O'Connor complains about no one listening to him ;)

"I wasn't that inspired." That made me laugh... and convinced me to shelve your book immediately. ;)

I like how you introduce Mark Reeves and make clear from the Scrooge type-casting reference that he's not a very pleasant fellow. I'm hoping we meet him someday ;)

"We've got flashlights." Another great line! This is the best children's dialogue I've read here at Authonomy, you two should be very proud of what you've done with this book so far.

Having Aoife protest that it's going to rain and Ruairi's response are so well done... I can see your characters come off the page. Such a pleasure to read about them ;)

Overall, I really enjoyed your writing and look forward to reading more. I think your book is one of, if not the best book I've read hear at Authonomy. Thank you so much for sharing it with me and I hope one day it'll not only make it to the Editor's Desk, but also be published.

Best Wishes,
Joseph

PS: Normally, I give a bit more critiquing, but I fell in love with your characters so much I ignored all the stuff I usually look for and just read. Perhaps I'll come back and be a bit more editorial, but for now I just want to enjoy your writing without a thought about what might be tweaked here or there.

Hi. This is a well written, well thought out YA book. It has all the required elements, right down to the haunted mansion. Yet it seems fresh and different at the same time. I loved the line of impending doom: "I don't want to be stuck in that house in a storm." !! You can feel your spine tingle already.
I saw a few nitpicks:
a word of what was being said...you could easily cut 'of what was being said.'
Ruairi had continued..was saying?
bodies hidden in his freezer...this needs a ?
when his off sucking blood...when *he's* off.
The walls, peering out....appearing from behind?
pink helmet on Christmas....either 'on Christmas Day' or 'at Christmas.'
haunts the fearfall halls...fearful.
Apart from those, this is great, well done.
All the best,
Cas.

Elly and Ionia,

Now that was wicked fun! The dialogue was crisp and thoroughly entertaining, the pacing was perfect, and the characterization delightful. I love the O'Connors from the crazy kids to the silly parents (bogs, funny!). I just know they're about to have adventures by the wagon load.

I only found one tiny error: "his off sucking blood" should be "he's", so the writing is exceptionally clean.

On my shelf,

ML

Comments on Chapter 1...

This appears to start in Ruari's POV, then switches to Tom's. Might be worth reworking to have it start in Tom's.

Ruari 'bursts' into the kitchen; Moggy (cat in Australia, lol) 'explodes' into there. Perhaps the parallel is intentional?

"Garish" means orange, I believe.

"Burst" used again.

OK, the story doesn't really begin until near the end, the early stuff is (probably necessary) window dressing and character building. Trouble is, I'm not sure how old anyone is, nor why Tom is staying with his cousins (I'm guessing something has happened to his parents, but it's not clear). It's also not clear whether this is meant to be modern times, because it feels (if it's not an insult) like an old-fashioned sort of story.

The dialogue works well, but it could be trimmed for mine. From the mention of Hamlet to the time the boys "burst" in the door (the second time) doesn't really add much, given you've already given us a good idea of the girls' characters.

For me, getting to the point where they decide to explore the castle IS the point of this chapter, and there is a bit too much meandering getting there. Unless the parents are important (and in particularly the stuff about bogs) trim or delete it and get on with your story.

Chapter 2...

OK, a little of the background becomes clearer here. And your story gets into stride. I still feel some of the extraneous stuff could be trimmed/deleted (the hat???), but you're drawing me in now. And end on a good note.

Chapter 3...

Can wood gleam in dim light?

I'm getting more of the impression that this is an old-fashioned novel. That's not a bad thing, in the sense that these things remain popular even today. But I feel it's not sophisticated enough to appeal to modern teenagers. For my mind, this should be aimed squarely at readers between 10 and 12, and as such the characters should be clearly delineated as such. References to A Christmas Carol and Hamlet perhaps undermine this target audience.

Bearing this younger audience in mind, I also feel this moves too slowly. If it were my work, I would go back through it and prune here and there, leaving out anything that doesn't add to the story or convey what you need to convey. The adventure is intriguing enough, and the storyline and dialogue are fine, but the whole thing just feels a LITTLE flabby. You've got 80,000 words to play with here. I think you should have a lean, fast moving 70k novel or even a super taut 60k with judicious editing.

I'll keep this on my watchlist for further perusal and a view to possible backing. As always with these things, take these comments with the proverbial grain of salt. Also, don't start wholesale slashing and burning until you've had a few other opinions.

Regards,

TomW

Ah Elly Walsh and Ionia Ni Chroinin, this reminds me of a time gone by when all the world was young, and I used to climb over the couch, and crawl through a secret hole in the wall into the world of John Pudney. Eight, nine, ten year olds will read this, and in years to come remember it with great fondness. I'd love a signed copy, please. In years to come, when I'm an old grandad, I will sit in my big comfortable chair and read John Pudney and Walsh and Ni Chroinin and be happy.
Shelved.
Scott, whose grandparents are from Mayo :-)

Hi! I found this to be a cute and enchanting book that is well-written and intelligent, even though it is meant for children. I love that it's set in Ireland, though the Irish names were a tad difficult on me. Still loved them, though. A pronunciation guide up front might help when this book gets published. Oh, Ruairí appears without the accent on the last letter for the first part of the book. My only suggestion is to switch the order of "taking over the world" and "learning Irish," as learning a language as the hook right away might turn some younger readers off. But taking over the world, of course, wouldn't. :)

Everything from the dialogue to the description is wonderful, and any book that references a possessed magpie has my support. :)

Michael
The Last Coming Out Story

I absolutely adore the way you open with Tom Aoife - Tom lost in thought and Aoife speaking of intriguing stuff that made me want to read further. You've created great characters that I think your target market will identify with. This is a great premise and great storytelling. I didn't find anything I thought need improving; it seems polished and ready for the desk. On my shelf.
Heidi'(Turning Red)

Maria, this is beautifully written and such an engaging story. You've createed the atmosphere well and populated the story with well developed characters that we can all relate to. Nothing to comment on except the high quality of this MS. I'm happy to give it some time on my shelf.
Michael

Ha! Loving this. You've brought to life those golden years of childhood and created some great characters. I love Moggy and all the other unpronouncables too. The trip into the mansion is great in that it epitomises the child's love of exploring, We were always getting up to such high jinx though without the same effects alas. Great fun and exciting. It's got it all guys.

This is great and I'm jealous of the your writing skills, both of you. Shelved.

If I didn't have to build and fit some kitchen units today I'd have read a lot more, so apologies for only commenting on the first two chapters.

I love the characterisation and the dialogue flows really well. We've all had a Moggy in our lives (at least I have). There were a couple of places you were trying too hard though. The first reference in the speech to 'hurling' seemed a bit contrived. You don't have to explain everything Irish straight off. Though, if Tom had compared it to baseball, that would work. I would have dropped the odd Irish word (or sentence)into the speech without explanation as you make a point of saying Tom can't follow it. Let the reader work it out by context. (or not, if it doesn't matter)

Actually I'm only nitpicking. It's a great read.

John

Hi M.

Your humor successfully establishes the Irish setting and that the protagonist is a nine year old boy from another country. Right away, your clean use of language makes reading your work pleasureable. Your unique Irish names cleverly add to the foreign language reference by Tom. Outstanding with creating and sustaining conflict by having Tom's thoughts on his soon to be written book and the two seperate conversations in the same room. Great with having the reader enjoy Tom's funny and rambling thoughts, and then to be interrupted with a shout as though the reader also needed to come out of the day dream. Great scene at the end of chapter 1 where the kids group together, shifting from school work to adventure talk and then after establishing the pending danger to be experienced, you artistically round the scene by returning to the homework assignment. You make the reader wait to find out about the mansion, by sending us to school, which grounds the story as being life-like. Their descent upon the mansion felt like an old fashioned scary story- step by step, inch by inch, BOO! You remain within the voice of the youth, even when describing something difficult without using an knowledgeable adult term. Oh, you tricksters. You successfully draw out suspense and have an outstanding page turner ending to chapter 2.

On my shelf. Good luck.

Janet Marie - Spirit Prisoners.

I love the family dynamics. Often I think it's really hard to capture a distinct family, partly because family members often end up talking like one another, but the way you've crafted this every character feels unique and original. I love the scene with the library books and the banter between Moggy and Ruairi and Tom. It feels natural and your writing flows really nicely. One question though, learning to speak Irish. You mean that as a joke? Right? I mean the Irish speak English, or gaelic. So wouldn't it be learn how to speak Gaelic? If you meant it as an actual language. I don't know why that stuck out to me but I honestly can tell you that I don't know the first thing about languages so I could be totally wrong. But maybe you could educate me?

Seriously this is extremely well written and I really like this.

Shelved.

Rachel May
GoingTwice

Maria,
I love books in books, Hamlet nonetheless, excellent. Your story moves rapidly, keeping the reader’s interest. I was a bit confused, until I realized that he was reading. There may be an oops? “…a Plan (plan)” second paragraph. It is very good. On my shelf.
See you in print,
Charity

Good afternoon, M.

I love the fact that you are co-writing this tale! That is an adventure in and of itself! I have a friend whom I would love to write a novel with, too... maybe some day!

I was immediately drawn into the family, their home life and dynamics. And this is well written-- didn't see anything to give me pause. I've only read the first two chapters, but I'll be back for more. Until then... shelved.

All good wishes in your publishing endeavors!

Karen

Elly and Ionia, This has such exuberance of discovery, the characters ready for the attic magic and the bog map. Although I liked the way the dialogue and the family action such as Christmas presents was realistic, you might want to thin some of the extraneous dialogue and incident after you've imagined the whole. Very immediate and promising. Shelved - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)