The 'White-Girl' Curse and Other Beautifully Debilitating Ailments

I've only read White Girl Curse, so I can only comment on it. It reads like a long poem and I like that you told it in the 2nd person, which I think is very difficult to do. It touches on sensitive issues like racism and handles it without shying away.
It's different from anything else I've read on this site. The speaker is eloquent and also manages to use slang at the same time. Reminds me of Gwendolyn Brooks.
I will happily shelve this and I can picture it published in a collection of short stories.

Monic
This Girl, circa 2000 A.D.

The 'White-Girl' Curse...

Please come back and promote the heck out of this book. It's one of the few here in authonomy which lives up to the tag 'literary fiction.' And it's beautiful. I want to read it all.

I don't think I'm the 'white-girl' described here because I don't think like her, and didn't, even when I fell in love with a Cuban who happened to be Black (to hell with political correctness), perhaps because I'm Canadian. However, this book teaches without preaching...what any great novel should do.

Shelved, partly in awe.

Cheers,
Sheryl
IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES (would love your honest reactions to my thriller which tries desperately to avoid 'thriller-speak.')

This is very bold and very good. I also love the voice, it's unique and compelling. On my shelf.

I strongly suggest changing the pitch, it doesn't do justice to the MS.


Good luck!

T'sitra,
You just put all the emotion out there. It's not sugar coated. You just say it; all the stuff that doesn't get said, all the obstacles and barriers that we'd like to think we've overcome. And I'd never thought about it before, but it's most apparent when love is involved.
You've got a great natural voice, a good storyteller's voice, real and no punches pulled.
Well done. On my shelf.
Jeff

T'sitra:

Don't have much time now, but I've just read the first few paragraphs of your story. I must say that you've drawn me in immediately. I get a sense for this character, and even better, a sense for how other people treat this character (which is one of the most powerful things you can get through to a reader)

A few things, though:

You must, must, must, update your pitch and synopsis. The title caused me to click your book, but the pitch and synopsis almost made me not read it. I have no idea what's going on in either, and yet your first few paragraphs are so clear. I think that you, like me, just haven't written many pitches/synopses, so they'll suffer as a result.

Anyway, backed your book and will have further comments later when I have some time. My finals are coming up this week. If the entirety of your book can maintain the quality of the very beginning, 'White Girl' will go far.

Finally: Most of the people whose writing I've liked have also liked my own writing. Check out my book, you may enjoy it.

This is so freaking familiar to me, I thought it was wonderful. Kinda reminiscent of some of the conversations I've had with some of the brown girls on my facebook, when they explain why they hate it when they're on the bus and the white girl snuggles closer to her black boyfriend to send them a message.

You have a unique voice that I'd love to see in mainstream fiction and a talent for unique style that's really impressive. It's left me second-guessing what goes on in my black husband's head...

Good luck with your work.

CHAPTER 1
I’m very intrigued by these first few paragraphs. The choice of style, as though the author is writing a letter to the reader, is an interesting one. It’s confusing me a little because I don’t (as yet at least) feel I have anything in common with the main subject. It means I’m almost subconsciously trying to resist the writing. But that’s actually not necessarily a bad thing. Once I got over that, it felt curiously like a career progress review at my company – spending an hour and a half hearing (constructive, to be fair) criticism about my capabilities and choices. Sometimes hard to hear but that you’re forced to accept you need to hear and are beneficial in the long run.

It’s also interesting that you start off with a discussion of the ‘soft’ (if I may call it that) racism of stereotyping and assumptions, and yet when you put words in the mouth of the subject they are what many people would typically consider stereotypical. Presumably that’s a conscious choice so the further development of the story will show the justification for it.

CHAPTER 2
Your writing style is very nice. It flows well and speaks well to your observation of human interactions and emotions. Many of the books I’ve read here have shown a nice attention to detail for the way the world works, but I don’t think I’ve seen the same level of observation of the human condition (if I can use such pompous wording without fear of judgement), except perhaps in Poppet’s work, where it builds slowly to this kind of level of insight.

CHAPTER 3
You know, I made it nearly all the way through this chapter thinking that the one thing that was missing so far was a little light-heartedness. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good read and you clearly have lots of talent, but it’s a hard read.

Then you finished off with this marvellous sentence: “…later that night, would sit anxiously on their respective thrones, waiting for shit to happen.” That’s pitched just perfectly to fit with the style you’ve been writing in: it’s wonderfully elegant and playful, and so contrasts beautifully with the way your characters are speaking.

CHAPTER 4
I definitely prefer the first person singular you seem to be employing as narrator of choice now. I think the letter style I mentioned earlier would have been a bit difficult for me to follow over the course of an entire novel.

CHAPTER 5
This seems to be the same as chapter 4, which is a shame: I was looking forward to more!

Great writing, clearly belongs in the literary fiction category and I hope it’ll be read by an editor with the capacity to appreciate what you’ve done here: if you’re sending this out directly to publishers or agents, make sure you do plenty of research to be absolutely sure you get the right person as it would be terrible if this was overlooked for such a stupid reason. Best of luck!

Damn. You are a good writer. This flows so beautifully. It's like poetry. I love how you use the "second person." I rarely ever see this, and when I do, it's not used very well. You've mastered it. The usage of second person puts the reader in the character's shoes. I especially love the scene where he bends down to tie his shoe because he feels like a traitor for dating a white girl. The ending of chapter one is sad and heartbreaking. You've accomplished so much in just one chapter. THis is something that would immediately catch the eyes of an agent. Have you shopped it around yet?

Fabulous writing - really. You have a great 'voice'. Only read chapter 1 so far.

It's not my kind of thing, though, and as I was reading I was kind of thinking 'what's this about?' I didn't have any sense of where you were going with this. I got a bit bogged down trying to keep track of it all. Sometimes I got a bit confused about who was speaking, or who you were referring to.

Now my kind of book is usually story-driven - thrillers and the like. So that's probably why I don't feel like I want to go further. I'm the kind of reader who likes to read a 'story'. So you'll probably want to disregard my comments. No worries on that score!

However, your writing really is 'top-notch' - the way you put it all together. Very impressive indeed. For those folk who like this kind of book I'm sure it will become heavily shelved on here. In fact I'm shelving it too - simply because your writing is that good - even though it's a book I wouldn't go for in the shops.

Good luck with it all.

Simon

Second person, third person, first person....LOVE IT. And with that one paragraph chapter. My kind of writer.

Great pitch and opening chapter! On my watchlist until I can read more and do this book justice.

Chapter 4 and chapter 5 seem to be the same. Cealarenne is right though I do like the book. And your cover is perfect.

Cealarenne sent me to look at this because she said you did dialogue like I'd never have seen. I was sceptical, because dialogue is dialogue, yes? You either capture people's idiom or you don't. Some do, some don't. To be good at dialogue, you'd have to be in the top 20-30%. Great, but not that great.

What she didn't tell me was that this is written entirely in dialogue via 2nd person. Yes, that puts you in the top - well, 5% at worst. Beautiful. I'm very glad she sent you my way. Mostly, I only read people's books on the basis of agreed read-swaps, because I don't like being disappointed by the fact that some people out there are too bloody miserly to read your book back when you've taken the time to stop and say something nice about theirs (I could give you a list of names here, but I won't).

But this was just sheer pleasure of reading. Backed with pride. Good old Cealarenne.

Richie threw me your way...
this is incredible in the fact that 1- you write in second person and pull it off so smoothly. 2. I totally hear that voice and it is written with great precision and feeling.
Shelved for sure. You have some talent, man. real talent.
I'm impressed. second person-wow!
Gina
(Feeling Perfection)

Hi there,
I must tell you that this has been recommend to me by two people, and having stopped by to read it, I am not surprised. This is excellent, really. One friend pointed out the excellence of your dialogue and I have to agree totally. This really needs to be promoted and read, I look forward to seeing it published, it hits all the right buttons. No nit picks at all and straight on my shelf - if you aren't already, you will be famous!
Bests,
AnnabelleP
(Adelaide Short)

Wow! This is funny, sad and jsut awesome really. Gerren really comes alive and who wouldn't wanna go out with her and that phat ass? Stupendous stuff. I wanna see more but in the meantime I'll have to check out your other book.

You know something, I think I was the second to notice your book on here and in my damned excitment, I went and sent you a message instead of posting it on here. I've pushed this book to my friends, I've plugged this book in the forums. You write like a friggin' dream. And I hope this dream comes true for you. I surely do.
Cealarenne
THE DIARIES OF MOSEY BLAIN

I'm not even halfway through the first chapter and I've got to back this. Already had one nice soul clearing womb shivering bellow laugh. This on my shelf baby. Sho' nuff.

Hey, this is excellent stuff. Shelved.

I am breathless from reading this. This is the way writing should be. It is fluid. It is elegant. It is like Gerran's ass otherworldly. I love the bit about it settling into the meat of your hand. I've not read a manuscript on this site that uses second person. I am in awe. I love so much of this. I was at the end of chapter 1 and I totally forgot to take notes!!! There are so many phrases I want to write...hold on...one sec..."English major with ambition." and...how he liked to know what kind of underwear she was wearing when she was half-way across campus. The guilt that is almost tangible about his words possibly causing the death of his mother. His friend Carmen a nice foil. This is beauty and a work of not fiction but ART!

I am proudly shelving this!!

Rachel May
Going Twice

Wow.

This was recommended to me by a friend with amazing tastes and, as per usual, she was spot on. This is very well written and you have a great voice. You'll be rising up the charts as fast as PMS Girl or The Zombie Diaries soon. Well done and shelved.

-Richie

I don't even have time to finish the first chapter and I know I love it! Love it from the first paragraph, the first line. You've got something special on your hands right here. 'scuse me whilst I shelve.

I'm putting you on my shelf so I can come back for a good read! Will be back soon with comments x