Redhead

Ian,

Suspense, mystery, intrigue and redheads. If that isn't a bang for your reading buck, I don't know what is!

Being a fellow ginger, I was immediately drawn to the premise of your book. And I was quickly rewarded when I started reading.

Your writing style is superb. The ebb and flow is natural, unforced, with the way you intertwine the dialogue with the rest of the text. The characters are bold and interesting and they each hold their own with a clear voice, yet they interact with one another skillfully. You also push the story along, never giving it time to fallow. All are earmarks of a great writer who has penned a great story.

I hope this story goes to print soon, because I'll be the first in line to grab up a copy so I can get to the juicy end that I know awaits!

Best of luck,

Shelly
A Duke from the Past

Dear Ian,
This is one of the most amazingly dynamic prologues I have read to date on this site. I can tell you without a doubt, that if I had come across this novel in a bookstore I would purchase the book from the pitch alone, not to mention the intrigue it has ignited within me to read the novel.
Congratulations, I commend you, this is genius.
Sincerely
Helen
The Last Dream

Hi Ian, This is a cracking yarn and the best prologue I have read by far. You capture the feel of North Africa and its people beautifully (I spent some time there in the 80's) and Carthage is eery at the best of times, but at night and in the situations you describe...if it was a film I would have been behind the sofa! The characters are very strong and I love the subliminal way in which you open them up to us - the fact that Rebecca was concerned the bird might plummet to its death. I would love to read more and if this was in print it would be a great poolside read. The writing is tight, never too many words to convery the story, characters and dialogue believable and an unusual but believable story line. Backed with pleasure and the best of luck with this. Mick B Gibbous Moon.

Ian,

MORE! MORE! MORE! Once I started, I couldn't stop. I love what you've created here, so original. I can tell you've done your research, great work with all of your locations, I could feel myself traveling wherever you took us. Great prologue, the babies crying is scary, and a little twisted. I love your descriptions of that night with the two frenchmen, eerie.

Even after having read the 15 chapters, I don't know who Rebecca was talking to on the phone in that first office scene ... curious. Love the dynamics of the office-very humorous with Syreeta and Evans--who makes himself part of the conversation! Mike calling her carrots, etc. Fun.

Love how you built the mystery with the man with the green eyes (Neferatu)--crazy where this story is going! Is Rebecca the Queen that they need to kill? I'm interested to know what's with the drugs that make Neferatu sick. Love your physical descriptions of Dr. Cavendish! I think I have a crush :) Can' wait for more romance building? Love the whole Tophet thing ... obviously the whole child sacrifice thing is freaky (and real for Carthage in those days), but adding the whole red-head aspect makes it even freakier!!!! (Especially w/ me being a red head)

I'm wondering if all these random people are not so random: the old man who saves her from the boys, and the boy who stole her purse. Ooo, and I loved the descriptions of Madame Bourguiba's home ... beautiful. Oh, and I'm not sure I trust Ali ... somethings up there, I think. Ian, such a fabulous job of building the mystery upon mystery, I would read the whole book right now if I could. Bravo!!!! ~Morgan :)

REDHEAD
This is a book with an intriguing beginning: an ancient archeological dig, the sound of babies crying, small skulls tipped out of ancient jugs . . . . I like the way the story then shifts to the present and a reporter is urged to investigate the strange site. Lets a reader know the trail to uncover what happened at the dig site is going to require not just good investigaro reporter work but danger as well, especially for redheads. Makes this a good read. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Just a thought but what if you make chapter one in the present tense?
eg The first moment the two frenchmen become aware of the hawk is when it suddenly swoops down on them, talons outstreched. It lands with a thump on Attali's head, sending his kepi flying, tearing out tufts of his red hair. He screams in pain, arms flailing, trying to beat it off but already the bird's cruel beak is gouging into his face.

Love the Pre-Raphaelite illustrations and the synopsis of the book, will take a serious look soon.

Best of luck

David (The Last Celt)

This is likely to be able to see some commercial success. For accuracy, you should try inserting some more historical fact, or professional archeology terms/ scientific language. There are some cliches, like Rebecca getting a tingle up her spine when shes scared, or the immediate lengthly physical description of each character-- this could be worked in gradually or subtly. your book will stand out from others of its genre if it doesnt conform to these cliches.
incidentally, have you ever read Still life with Woodpecker? I forget who its by, but you can look up the name. Its about red-headed people and their mysterious origins. You might like it.

This is a promising start. Some of the latter chapters appear at this point to be no more than sketches, which presumably will be fleshed out later. Still, the manuscript is remarkably clean (especially by "Authonomy" standards, which seems to have an unending supply of shabbily edited manuscripts). The characters seems quite real, and the pacing (at least until the aforementioned later chapters) is good. I'm a little mystified by all this redhead business - are we to assume there was some sort of antipathetic relationship between the various Celtic peoples and the late monarchy Egyptians? If so, that would be news to me, and I'm pretty well read in the histories of both people. Still, one can put that aside if for the sake of a really good story, which this promises to be. I will be backing this when the current inmates of my bookshelf have paid their penance and been sprung from confinement.

--James David Audlin

Ian,

Suspense, mystery, intrigue and redheads. If that isn't a bang for your reading buck, I don't know what is!

Being a fellow ginger, I was immediately drawn to the premise of your book. And I was quickly rewarded when I started reading.

Your writing style is superb. The ebb and flow is natural, unforced, with the way you intertwine the dialogue with the rest of the text. The characters are bold and interesting and they each hold their own with a clear voice, yet they interact with one another skillfully. You also push the story along, never giving it time to fallow. All are earmarks of a great writer who has penned a great story.

I hope this story goes to print soon, because I'll be the first in line to grab up a copy so I can get to the juicy end that I know awaits!

Best of luck,

Shelly
A Duke from the Past

I think I may have read this before in fact I am almost sure I have but just in case age is getting the better of me.
this is well crafted I like the link you have used as being the red hair. Your prologue is so well written we could all take a lesson from you. I wish you luck with this it would make a great film.
Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley

Hi Ian, I enjoyed reading this again at Chapter 8. These are strong scenes, indelibly reaching towards the mystery of Rebecca's encounter and then Neferatu's strange objectives. The connections of the solar worship are fascinating. The conversation with Horus feels like a stretch but with the next London part, it made me want to read on. Shelved again - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Ian. My wife has just been reading the first few chapters of your book. I will pass on what her comments were; the story background is well described and paced. Loved the characters. Only uncertainty is how the first few chapters are smoothly going to link with the ending you suggested! However, in saying all that she says I must BACK it. So I am. ps. I think the fact she has lovely auburn hair may have something to do with it. Best wishes.
I would love you to read / back my book ; paperbat adventures. Thanks
Jerry [paperbat]

Dear Ian,
This is one of the most amazingly dynamic prologues I have read to date on this site. I can tell you without a doubt, that if I had come across this novel in a bookstore I would purchase the book from the pitch alone, not to mention the intrigue it has ignited within me to read the novel.
Congratulations, I commend you, this is genius.
Sincerely
Helen
The Last Dream

Ian,

Well written, incredibly powerful. The plot is extremely clever. I must say you have captured a many elements, which attract me personally, especially as a red-head with a love for all things surrounding the Holy Lands and ancient artifacts. Compelling Well Written! Bravo!
My son's name is Ian also...
Congratulations!
Great Read!
Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'

Very nice plot idea. Backed
Lara
Good for Him

Fascinating and you have done the reasearch to match. I'd love to come back for more but have many volumes on my watchlist to attend to... Backed. Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

What a creepy beginning! Your pitch attracted me because my aunt had red hair and my father used to tell how when they were young, his parents took them to China and they had to protect his sister because back then in China (I don't know about now) red hair was a sign of evil and some people were genuinely willing to kill her if they had a chance. Rebecca's encounter with the youngsters ganging up and calling her sourciere is very realistic and well done.

Very good story-intriguing ,with an air of mystery. The characters are a bit bog standard, but it doesn't detract from the yarn. Backed.

I can see already you writing is very articulate. And form the first couple of sentences I can tell it going to be a wonderful read. Have I told you I think your story is wonderful? Well, it is. You story is a very good and a smooth read that captures my imagination and take to places that I enjoy to reading about. Your character are very intriguing and enjoyable to listen to their stories. I am very happy I read a piece of your book and wish you the best in your journey to what looks like an excellent novel. Loving a great vampire book, this book looks like it live up to that expectation. Backed with pleasure.

I have briefly look at you book, but so far it looks great. I have no issues backing your book.

A great start to a novel that is chilling and inspires a great story. A great read Backed with pleasure. Could you have a look at my novel The Sacred Pool.

Laurence

I love finding something this unique on Authonomy. Not only well-written, the story is gripping, and the plot carries a lot of weight. Great job of mixing, action, description and conversation. Thanks for the read and good luck!

Original idea, with Ancient Egypt and the supernatural - great attention grabbers! Lots of interesting material, running together, without overdrive.
Nice use of the hawk, in the prologue and later, the phantom touches are led in gradually. A fun read.

Chap 3 : Last paragraph : Is it important that the green-eyed man arrived a few minutes earlier ? I’d be tempted to shorten to : Neither of them noticed the tall, well-built man sitting a couple of tables away. . . .etc.
Chap 11 : . . I’m still feeling nervous . . . even here though, I feel [jumpy] (to avoid repeating nervous quite so soon?)

Hope this gets picked up soon - I want to know the end ! Good luck with it.

A child protested as he was put to bed (against his will) = seems unnecessary
A large hawk settled unnoticed on one of the many pillars scattered around the site, its beaded eyes like tiny glass orbs/domes/marbles etc, watching them intently. = I suggest rearranging the structure of some of your sentences to allow for greater economy of expression.
...a good possibility... = not the usual collocation - suggest 'chance'
Can hair 'glint' in the moonlight without a lot of gel?
...seized the chance to dramatise... = how does this fit with the intention of the character at this moment?
The hawk swooped down, its talons outstretched towards Attali's head...
With careful attention to structure and variation in sentence patterns, tension could be built up in a more covert and subtle manner. I like the theme which will surely appeal to Da Vinci Code and Indiana Jones fans. Good luck with it...
Best wishes
Stewart

This story is intriguing and the writing is solid except for one glaring weakness: "It was". You should never start a narrative that way (works only for Charles Dickens). The phrase begins sentences some five times in the first chapter. The rest of the writing is so good, if you made this little fix this would be a fine piece of work. If you do some rewriting, let me know so I can revisit this.
Please consider taking a look at my book, The Job.
Craig

he wrote a cheque and handed it to Jim, hope this gets published, great consistency in the writing style, holds reader, John Warren Lasting Images, backed, please review jdub

What a masterful beginning...Durand and Attali, two lawmen together for unknown reasons, making their way through a dark night, only to stumble upon a crime which leads to a mysterious setting and interesting clues. Then the attack of the bird. Really, you build such drama here. Your writing is polished and perfectly suited to this story--you know exactly when to have dialogue and when to insert details for mood. Excellent work. I dare anyone who reads this first chapter to put this book down.
---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Ian

So glad I put your book on my watch list, you hooked me and then I ran out of chapters! Happy to back this and keen to read more.
Paula L

I like red heads and I think it is time everyone else did. A great plot and well written. Happy to Back.

Anthony
Aqua Omega

Caught my eye as I have red hair!!! Will have a look at this very interesting looking book x

I was captivated by your pitch - the idea, really, of red-headedness being something to revere or reduce. The first chapter is good, but by the third there is less immediacy. I think it would be better for the reader to 'see' what happens rather than learn about events through the dialogue. i.e. reported action. Excellent plot.

Backed
Rosalind
Good For Him

Such a wonderful piece. Touches of humour brighten up what promises to be an action-packed yet thoughtful read. Rebecca is fantastic, a very enthralling and interesting character, someone to connect with, and the entire piece is put together with a huge amount of skill. My only complaint is that you haven't posted all of it - but I can't blame you for that!

Backed with pleasure!
Abi xxx

My sister would love this book.. I shall have to suggest it to her. She is as red haired as they get.
Very interesting and a good read.

I thought your chapters far too short, especially the latter ones, but the story is great. Well written, I noticed no errors of grammar and spelling. As for redheads, I've known just one redhead who was sweet and placid. Mostly they seem to be vivid personalities with hot tempers. It makes a good story. Well done.

well written, well researched and a dam good read (what I have read so far)

well backed

Brendan Doherty
The Russian Hat

Long curled fingernails on humans and hawks; flame-haired women; echoes of crying babies at Tophet; how much more creepy could this get? Much more so. Backed earlier today. Marianne (Saint Paddy and the Sundial)

Lots of research went into this thrilling read. You write with a easy to read style in an authoritative voice. I admire how you set the stage in the first chapter, and left us hanging with the hawk tearing away. And, then switch to present day in London in the second to introduce your protagonist. A thorougly enjoyable read, and I hope it makes it to the Eds desk soon. Backed.

I hope you will give mine a read and back it if you like it as much as I liked yours. It is also historical fiction.
Best,
Robert
Golden Conspiracy

Hi Ian,

I love the original story line that you have created. Your use of foreshadowing and imagery are excellent. Your smooth writing style takes you deep into the book quickly. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Most interesting premise, great pitch, wonderful prose. Backed with pleasure,
M (Weekend Chimney Sweep)

Hi Ian,
This book struck me as both familiar and different--is it a revision of Neferatu and the Red Queen, which I believe I already backed? Anyway, it is brilliant--brisk, arcane and spooky. I will put it up on my shelf and see if the backing registers.
Niobrara Kardnova (The Trouble with Wives)

Has an Indiana Jones feel to it. Everything has been said that could be said - I second it. Backed and wishing you well with this well-researched, thoroughly engrossing piece.

Catherine (The Golden Thread)

Very good. I like the way you have seeded hints of some further mystery to unfold later, here and there. For example the other girl reporter's reaction when she hears of the red-heads' involvement in a discovery in Carthage, or again, the hawk flying at night and attacking a man, the mysterious green eyed man, and so on.
Read to ch 5. The hints of mystery draw the reader along, while the writing style is easy and flows well.
phil 'Eland Dances'

hello Ian, Not sure whether I have backed you before or not, but this is a really good read. I am backing you in any case. Hope you reach the top.

Phyllis
A Passing Storm

I like red heads and I like archeological dig stories so this book really appealed to me. Your writing style is great. It's obvious you've done a lot of research to make this feel so authentic. A good read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Hello – I like to comment as if I was reading your book in a shop or library, just making notes as I go along. I hope this is Ok for you, it works for me and it is fun

Gingers – Lovely cover and intriguing pitches.

I have never understood the “Ginger” thing so I am very interested in this :-

Good tight writing, very proficient. You have painted the scene around the pit well and there is tension in the atmosphere.

Spooky now with the strange brightness and the crying of babies. This is gripping stuff.

Good natural, believable dialogue in the newspaper office and neat introduction of Rebecca’s back story.

Fascinating stuff and you have obviously done plenty of research. It makes me think of those horror stories when there is a noise in the dark basement and instead of going to the pub the house owner goes into the basement – guess what yukky stuff. This is the same, red haired people being targeted and so here is this red head and she is heading straight for it. Great fun. Backed – Diane

Backed.

Dan-
Eunice Stubbins, among others...

Fabulous start to this, and it makes me want to read further when I have the time. The pace is great, and the dialogue and scene setting are gripping. The reader is drawn from the start with a promise of information that will gradually become available. Characters are believeable and engaging. Backed with pleasure. Colin

Intriguing. Your prologue hooked me. Rebecca is a colorful, well-developed character. Your images are graphic. I can hear, feel and smell your settings and characters as well as see them. Your dialogue is believable and always relevant. No wasted words there. Your tight narrative is powerful. Your pacing held my interest. Your world-building (fantasy) is spot on. This is a riveting, believable mystery with a fantasy element. Backed.

Backed - as a member of a family of red heads and a lover of this type of story. I'm running low on time tonight, but the long pitch and first chapter are brilliant. I look forward to reading more tomorrow, though I'm not sure I will be able to provide anymore insight than 400+ comments already have.

Tawn Anderson (Providence)

GINGERS: Eery, spooky, twisted, and most of all, intriguing and well-written. You are quite the story teller. You drop just enough hints to keep the reader wanting more, and I'm very afraid for Rebecca...pretty sure I want her to go back to the safety of London. Except then there wouldn't be a story and I'm thinking London is not any safer for her. I've read through chpt. 3 (ewww with the green eyed, long fingernailed creepy man), and will return when I can. Well-done!

HJ
The Pearl Edda

Wow fantastically intriguing first chapter... I wish you the very best of luck with it. kind regards pinkcoffee 'In The Moment'

nice writing, an intriguing story actually, wasn't really expecting that to be honest....

Hi, Ian,

I jumped into C7 and I really like what I read. [The reason I did this is that most people tend to comment on just the first chapter or so.] I think you might tighten up the dialogue a little though--for example, use contractions like "I'm" rather than "I am." I would also like to see more of what Madame Bourguiba felt when the bottle was lobbed in her door, even if it's just a description of the fright or whatever on her face. The bit about Mohammed eying Rebecca with suspicion is really good though.

Anyway--just a couple of little things.

Good luck,
SC Dwinnell, "Nobody Liked to Say"