Chimera

Hi Michelle,
I loved the overall creepiness of the opening. It's a scene we've seen before--that of the mother being told by the teacher that her little girl is drawing "bad" pictures. But the twist we soon learn is a lot more sinister. Elena is seeing these pictures in her mind before they come to pass. Yes, creepy.

This creates inherent suspense for the reader, much like thrillers do (i.e., the crime has not taken place as yet; the fear that drives the reader on is the question of whether the main characters can stop it from happening). The main genre you are going for is thriller, right? That's what Chimera read like to me--great book title and cover, by the way.

Watch out for extraneous verbiage (read: similar lines that virtually give the same information--I do this myself sometimes, and my editors have to be meanies to me or I won't notice them *grin*) and passive sentences. Keep those strong, concrete verbs coming too.

What you are great at is atmosphere, at plotting, at nailing down the POV of little Elena. You drew me in, for sure. Best of luck to you on finishing Chimera! SHELVED.

~Cheri
Artemis Rising

Hi Michelle,

Danny Lee has asked me to read your book and comment on it. First off, let me start by saying that it has the potential to be quite a gripping read and I look forward to reading the rest of it.

There were just a couple of things though that stood out. You begin your 1st chapter with the mother being notified by the school that her daughter is displaying quite unusual behaviour and is a cause of great concern to the teachers. The mother, however, does not seem to react to this information in a realistic manner. I would imagine that any mother being told by her child's teachers that they are concerned, would display more emotion than what she appears to do. Granted, she is quite shocked at the pictures her daughter has drawn, but I still feel that there is something missing there.

The next scene shows us Elena very frightened and trying to convince her mother that her father is going to come and hurt them. Again, Sophie does not appear to be showing as much emotion as one would expect from a mother. Perhaps she is trying to ignore Elena's fears so that she does not fuel her daughter's 'imagination' - which is what Sophie seems to think it is.

I quite liked the way you displayed the child's innocence in the midst of all her anxiety, i.e. her excitement at the prospect of pancakes and a day full of her favourite cartoons - contrasted by her maturity and depth when she clearly states to her mom that she will continue to worry despite all these special treats.

I would have also liked to see how Sophie dealt with her concerns about Elena's behaviour, and even though this may not be integral to the actual plot, I think it would give us a greater insight into Elena's thought processes as these are what we take with us into adulthood.

We then see Elena grown up and working as a Forensic Anthropologist, every now and again assisting the police in major crime investigations. This, coupled with the 'gift' Elena has, could make the story stand out from many others in this genre.

As a Forensic Psychologist myself, I have spent a considerable amount of time studying criminal behaviour, crime scene analysis and the like. I would like to see Elena's knowledge and deeper understanding of crime scene analysis so that when the audience reads the book he/she gets transported into a more realistic scene.

All in all, I was gripped by the first few chapters of the book and would definitely buy it. Send it off to publishers and pursue it so that one day we can see your name on the shelves.

Good luck,
Masquerade

Michelle Ritz, This is a very marketable book. It is a well written and engaging read. Please inform me if you come back to fight for your work. I will back you 100%. There are many other publishing sites with a bit less social bulls**t attatched. If you would like a heads-up, please let me know.

Written in the tradition of the Exorcist, Damien and Carrie, there's probably room for another at this time. This genre never fails to enthral people so I expect it will be well received...best of luck to you
Stewart

Consider reducing the number of exclamation marks by half. Overuse diminishes their effectiveness. Other than that this is a dynamic thriller with vivid images and intense narrative. Packed with action and emotion. Well conceived and well written. Backed.

Michelle, you gave Chimera an appropriate fast pace. Character development is brought about by "doing" not "describing". As a result we are drawn into the believable story as ants-to-sugar. Bravo! You have the genre down pat.

Miguel
Absentee Bidder

This is an amazingly compelling first chapter. Your text is very fluid with a continual forward motion. You've captured the dread that Elena expresses in her art very well. You want to say to the mother - wake up and listen to your daughter! But you know she won't. The second part of the chapter isn't a surprise because you've done so well with the foreshadowing. All the details of this writing are absolutely right and your plot is dramatic. This is really great writing!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe
Would you consider backing MEMORIES OF GLORY? I thank you for taking a look.

Even though the first chapter was long, it went quickly and had my blood shooting through my veins. This is hard to read, but it's out there, people are monsters at times. We would like to think things like this don't exist, but it does. You have a fast paced thriller here. There is plenty to keep the reader mesmerized and hopeful that things turn out.

all the best
sue
hope you like Fate's Chastening

A very harrowing scene, with Elena's childhood trauma. I think that it's very well-written, fully of drama obviously but well-paced too. Very effective in getting our sympathies, but I have to wonder if the scene would have more impact if we were to get to know Elena a bit first. Any time a novel starts with a very active and/or violent scene like this, the effect to me is sort of a numbing one. Maybe it's just me. I would have liked this to come out a bit later, once the plot gets going. It would be good to wonder for a while how Elena became disabled too. Aside from this, I thought your writing was really descriptive and polished. A great story idea too.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Exceptionly well written I would buy this bok straight away and it would make a brilliant fil. Chapter one and the fathers attack was very realistice the violence that you create stirs the reader into shock. We then shift forward to how Elena has used her powers as an adult to benefit others even if she does make enimies on the way. You write a fast punchy story with complete ease I am pleased I backed it.

Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley - I hope you like it

This is really good. The action writing is spot-on, the angry dialog sounds real, the idea of her father's rage inside Elena is great, even the detail of 1980s-era cartoons is a great touch. Really impressive all-around, easy to back. I hope this continues to do well here.
Craig
The Job

Very stirriing read. I love the details and the dialogue and tone is perfect thanks to you incredible talent for writing and describing. Very suited for YA as well as adults.

backed in admiration
The lord of the dawn

you grab our attention from the start. it has great pace, and is a gripping yarn...on wl...
su dan...read SEASONS...

hullo Michelle. Very good start. love the family conection. Reads almost yummy, you know? Keep it going. already shelved and backed. So, please take a look at mine and thanks for that.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

This I want more of. I love Elena, she's spikey and clever and gifted in an extrodinary way and I want to read more about her and her abilities. and how she deals with her disability. The rolling out of the mouthy young dectective was highly amusing.
The twins were a nice touch as well, a bit of orginality there.
The crime is obviously going to be something huge, but it will be the investigation that will be the important part of this book I suspect.
Very, very readable, I found I raced through what was here and I was disappointed there wasn't more.

You are totally fantastic, Michelle. :) I am so grateful to you for commenting & backing my books. :) I came to your "comment" page so that you will get another "comment" & your book will move up. :) I'll put your book on my "watchlist," too. Thanks so much. Love, Susie :)

Dear Michelle, I love you phrase, "gift, along with a splitting headache" - with lupus, I always have a busting headache (memoir). Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch - very well done. Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "commenting & backing" your book to help it move up the charts. Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to "comment & back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & the unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end my illness now & 6th abusive marraiage." Thanks, Susie :)

The opening is really, really good, backed, hope you'll read mine.

This is a good story. You have a wonderful character in Elena. She's likable and certainly sympathetic because of the way she was paralized. It makes her a very unusual detective. A second strength of the book is the eerie tone you've woven into this almost from the beginning. Makes a reader keep turning pages. I'm adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Chimera

Gosh you know how to develop disturbing scenes. You’ve a skilful way of making everyday situation have a very creepy and sinister edge, through not what has been told, but by hinting at what is not told, very impressive.
I think your opening characterisation is immense and sets the book up so well. This has so many great elements that make this, a great read. – Good luck.

Wonderful work here. It reminded me a little of Kathy Reichs' work, but your tone and style are completely different, giving this a fresh new twist.

Fabulous job. I have nothing to criticise, only that I want to read more!

Abi xxx

Chimera
Michelle Ritz

This is a clever plot - Elena suffering that family trauma which she did and ending up with that extraordinary ability - now a gifted forensic anthropologist who uses her talent and expertise to track down a killer. These two engaging pieces of the plot actually make for an exuberant, forceful novel. There is a blend of dehumanizing forces at work here balanced with the harrowing childhood experience of little Helena which makes her very sympathetic, and which makes this story memorable to me.
Best,
Zan

Chimera:

Michelle,

This book has a thread running through it of real emotional power.
The scene of Elena's father smashing into the house, beating both Elena and her mother before rampaging until the mother dies and Elena seems on the brink of death, is very moving and tense.
When Elena pleads, “No Daddy,” and he is too blind with rage to heed her, except to retort 'Shut your mouth... you're just like your Mom, an ungrateful bitch!' we see the collapse of trust, of love and protection, a shattering experience for Elena, so young.
After the flashback we find Elena partially disabled and yet possessing a special sensitivity or gift which will enable her to get closer to solving crime than a traditional detective. This provides massive scope for exploring your storyline in a way which a straight police procedural would not have done so well and this, combined with the flashes of insight into your charcaters' lives, when driven to extremity, makes me want to read on.

Backed.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

Hi Michele, really gripping stuff. Elena drawings are great idea and I felt a shiver run down my spine its a mix of supernatural and crime thriller. I wondered though is 8 too young for such skill, but with the supernatural element it's fine I think. Elenas worries on the day caught my imagination again and again I felt chills. Her father appearance was described really well as was the attack, we were straight into the action. I like the pace of this, it goes up and down, it's almost like a film when the music changes the pace does and the viewer relaxes then it all starts again. Really well done and on my shelf. Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

A classic thriller that as all the right elements. You pull us into the story straight away, and the idea of Elena is a great hook and the desire to read on, to see if her 'visions' are preventable or come true. Well written and moves with good pace.

A real page turner!!
Backed!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.

Backed February 7.

Jesse - Savant

Hi,

I have backed your book because I found it eminently readable
but have to cover 25 books a day just to keep my place on here.
If you would like a more specific comment please return the favor.
Good luck with it.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes.

Straight up cop stuff with an intriguing main character. The dialog flows well, the bits about body language fit right in, and there is a tension and a senseof impulsion that take us through chapter by chapter-- and then leaves us on a cliffhanger! Backed.

A very well written thriller which grabs us from the outset. The opening, telling us of the young Elena and her prophetic drawings, followed by the attack she had foreseen and her own injury, is both gripping and moving. You draw us in at once, and as we see the assault and murder from Elena's view point, we empathise with her so much. Then we meet the adult Elena, using her gift to help the police, and we continue to be on her side against the unpleasant David. You have a clean, flowing style, and you bring your characters to life beautifully. Elena is a feisty, smart woman, who has fought back against the injuries inflicted on her and made a success of her life. It will be interesting to see if a relationship develops between her and Connor. This is a book which should have been published long ago. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

You create intensity and atmosphere very well. Solid description and flowing dialogue lends itself to the telling of this tale.

Good luck with finishing Chimera.

BACKED

Talk about leaving us on a cliffhanger! I want to read more.
Anyway what you have posted is extremely good.
The opening chapter is a terrifying explanation of Elena's gift. I really felt for the little girl as she desparately tries to explain to her mother what she saw.
Then we see Elena present day and how she is using that gift and her intelligence.
All good stuff. I like Elena as a M/C, I believe in her gift and I am usually such a skeptic towards fantasy/supernatural/horror type books. And she has a job that is going to produce a plot.
Right I'm hooked.
Soooo is it a mass burial grave?

How have i not read this?
Weird. I thought for sure I had.
x

Hi Michelle,
I like the name and cover of your book. An entertaining read. I've done some similar work myself as a spiritual medium. Will comment further once I have read more. Very engaging book.
backed.

Regards
Ariel

Michelle
This is a very professional piece of writing - flawless, taut, neat. Elena and her brothers are well-drawn and the plot is intriguing. My only regret is that there is not more to read. Shelved.
Frank

Michelle,

I'm doing some rotation on my shelf this afternoon. I thought I had backed you months ago before I started keep records in July. In case my memory has let me down, I've backed your novel.

Much better than Kathy Reich's stuff.
Backed easily.
Good luck!

Neliza Drew
(Burning for Burning)

Chimera is a classic crime thriller with a paranormal twist that differentiates it nicely from the competition. Your writing grabbed me right away, with good strong characters vividly portrayed, often with just a few words creating indelible images [like Mrs Gibson's eyeglass chain summons up the picture of a scholteacher of a certain age and attitudes]. The action flows strongly through your writing, with a good combination of narrative and crisp dialogue. I felt I was right inside Elena's head when she got shot - powerful stuff - and C1 ended with a cliffhanger invitation to turn the page. The transition to C2 when she's a part paralysed adult seemed smooth, and again the scenario that plays out with the detective is vivid and compelling. Nothing to fault with this - a very enjoyable read that certainly should not have a red arrow alongside it! Backed.

Michelle,
I've been saving this one. Wow! that's what I call writing. I had to write a similar scene in my book and it is so difficult to make this level of violence sound real and not overdoing it. You have the perfect combination of tension, thought, dialogue and narrative and it is terrifying! All written through the horrified eyes of a little girl, it couldn't be any more dramatic. You just grab the reader and force him to turn pages. This is professional writing and immaculate, no need of editing at all. Well done. Good luck with your book.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

What powerful beginning and fantastic writing.

Your pitch would have me pick up this book and your start having me read on.

I would read more of this and it would be something I would buy. All the elements and a genre I love in a book.

I can see why this has been praised for it is fab...

Backed

Jo xx

Spoilt

A provocative, edgy blend of thriller and romance blended with the overall concept of fiction, this is one of those very few books with high potential to be a riveting and page-turning read. This earns both a spot on my shelf and Today's Pick I Like for 10/8/09: http://newandgoodreading.blogspot.com/2009/10/todays-pick-i-like-10809.html

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

Very provocative read so far. I like how you weave in the flashback and create suspense. And of course, the forensic part is appealing to me as well. Looking forward to reading more.
Richard

Michelle
I read your first chapter..... Narrative racey and well written.

What spoiled it a bit for me was the long dialogue qualifiers...
eg.
'You said she started this Monday' three paragraphs later. 'Yes'

'She did this' a paragraph later 'Elena really did these'

What your character have to say is interesting enough for me not to want to be constantly interupted with prose.
I think the narrative should be more balanced to allow your characters the time to chat and for the conversation to flow as a natural conversation would.......It did later on......

That said I think you have a fabulous story here and wish you all the best with it.....Shelved

I saw a similarity in our main characters - which made this an intriguing read. I think you wrote the "violence" well and allowed the reader to empathize with the tragedy. You feel Elena's panic and her injury. Well done.

I was half hoping though that her paralysis was partially mental and that we might see some character development throughout the story related to her injury (perhaps overcoming it).

The dialogue felt a bit repetitive. (she drew this, drew these, drew this), (don't leave me, you're leaving me, nobody's leaving me). I think you could cut a bit, or replace the words so its not the same phrase repeated by different characters.

Good luck with this.

Hi Michelle,
I loved the overall creepiness of the opening. It's a scene we've seen before--that of the mother being told by the teacher that her little girl is drawing "bad" pictures. But the twist we soon learn is a lot more sinister. Elena is seeing these pictures in her mind before they come to pass. Yes, creepy.

This creates inherent suspense for the reader, much like thrillers do (i.e., the crime has not taken place as yet; the fear that drives the reader on is the question of whether the main characters can stop it from happening). The main genre you are going for is thriller, right? That's what Chimera read like to me--great book title and cover, by the way.

Watch out for extraneous verbiage (read: similar lines that virtually give the same information--I do this myself sometimes, and my editors have to be meanies to me or I won't notice them *grin*) and passive sentences. Keep those strong, concrete verbs coming too.

What you are great at is atmosphere, at plotting, at nailing down the POV of little Elena. You drew me in, for sure. Best of luck to you on finishing Chimera! SHELVED.

~Cheri
Artemis Rising

bugger....not enough book uploaded.Please message me when the next bit goes on so that I can read it. Shelved ready for purchase.
Minor point, grammatical error ch1 aware of this. "Elena....

Hi Michelle,

Danny Lee has asked me to read your book and comment on it. First off, let me start by saying that it has the potential to be quite a gripping read and I look forward to reading the rest of it.

There were just a couple of things though that stood out. You begin your 1st chapter with the mother being notified by the school that her daughter is displaying quite unusual behaviour and is a cause of great concern to the teachers. The mother, however, does not seem to react to this information in a realistic manner. I would imagine that any mother being told by her child's teachers that they are concerned, would display more emotion than what she appears to do. Granted, she is quite shocked at the pictures her daughter has drawn, but I still feel that there is something missing there.

The next scene shows us Elena very frightened and trying to convince her mother that her father is going to come and hurt them. Again, Sophie does not appear to be showing as much emotion as one would expect from a mother. Perhaps she is trying to ignore Elena's fears so that she does not fuel her daughter's 'imagination' - which is what Sophie seems to think it is.

I quite liked the way you displayed the child's innocence in the midst of all her anxiety, i.e. her excitement at the prospect of pancakes and a day full of her favourite cartoons - contrasted by her maturity and depth when she clearly states to her mom that she will continue to worry despite all these special treats.

I would have also liked to see how Sophie dealt with her concerns about Elena's behaviour, and even though this may not be integral to the actual plot, I think it would give us a greater insight into Elena's thought processes as these are what we take with us into adulthood.

We then see Elena grown up and working as a Forensic Anthropologist, every now and again assisting the police in major crime investigations. This, coupled with the 'gift' Elena has, could make the story stand out from many others in this genre.

As a Forensic Psychologist myself, I have spent a considerable amount of time studying criminal behaviour, crime scene analysis and the like. I would like to see Elena's knowledge and deeper understanding of crime scene analysis so that when the audience reads the book he/she gets transported into a more realistic scene.

All in all, I was gripped by the first few chapters of the book and would definitely buy it. Send it off to publishers and pursue it so that one day we can see your name on the shelves.

Good luck,
Masquerade

Not sure how I found my way here really. One of those little quirks of serendipity I suppose. This is just fabulous writing - so taut. I can't help but read GeekMaiella's comment below and I sort of know what he means about the forewarnings of the pictures - but equally I think people tend to dismiss children's art and few people would think that it could presage anything like murder. It worked just fine for me.
I suppose the most shocking part for me (and that's saying somethign as it's a very shocking first chapter) is that her father stamps on her - just totally horrific and there was a part of me saying, why? Why does he hate his daughter so much that he can do that? But maybe that comes out later....
I know you're not doing swaps right now and that's fine because I don't either. If I see a book that interests me I just want to read it. Not all of it, because I'm not great on the fine nitpicking points of crit and, frankly, I'd much rather wait until the goodies are in print nad I can enjoy them the way I think books should be enjoyed - in paper form so I can lie in the bath, curl up in bed, on the beach, wherever and indulge! I'd love to be able to do that with this and sincerely wish you all the best with it.
Up on my shelf for a spin with huge pleasure
Jane

The descriptions of the pictures made the hairs stand up on the back of my neck - Scary stuff indeed. I will be reading on.

Regards

Kev

The descriptions of the pictures made the hairs stand up on the back of my neck - Scary stuff indeed. I will be reading on.

Regards

Kev

Hi Michelle,

I'm here from the forum thread Cass started about her favorite lovely reads. I think I need a word with her - if I keep following her recommendations, I'm going to start looking like a Disney shelver, because I'm not finding much in her list to critique, but all kinds of stuff to love!

I read all four chapters (well, technically, three and two paragraphs with a heck of a cliff hanger). I only have two things I'd like to point out -

~ "Mommy's empty" - I had to stop reading for a moment, because the page suddenly went all blurry.

~ "She badly needed some ibuprofen." - This single sentence struck me as awkward - maybe a bit of tweaking is in order.

That's it - completely unhelpful critique, isn't it? The only other thing left to do is put you up on my shelf!

~Traci

I read the opening, liked it a lot without trying to be particularly judgmental, just letting the story flow. Then I looked at chapter three, especially the ending as you'd said you hadn't wanted to just leave it hanging. How right you were; that mini chapter 4 is just enough to hold interest, previously I would have found such an abruptly truncated end to the section you placed on the site to be an annoyance. Much better now.
I've gone back to the beginning now and read all that is on offer - would like to see more, but no pressure! I write in the same genre and like your work, especially your lead character. Special gifts and a horrific mental scarring from childhood, that adds up to a heroine the reader will be rooting for. I'm not one of the nit-picking brigade; my own books have faults which I see anew every time I read anything I've previously written. You have your own style and I find it works for me. There will always be areas that can be improved, but I'd prefer to base a detailed description of what sections, work/don't work for me on the book as a whole, not three chapters. I see enough merit to put you on my watch list to read again. I don't do this unless I really like the book, believe me.
If you look at my home page you'll see I am in the middle of a house move and do not have access to internet for a while. I'm writing this in an internet cafe, the keyboard is dreadful and the person next to me is trying to read over my shoulder - must go now.
Best wishes
Jared