Miranda

Having read through lots of books on this site there are a great many "standard" books and a lot of "formulaic"
This one busts out of the box. It's not trying to copy any latest bestseller and has a novel idea to read. It makes you want to know what happens next and why is it happening. Best of luck with it

There is an air of menace building from the off:

“A career is a chosen profession and he was never given a choice. He thought of it more as a way to keep himself safe. In fact, it was the only way. If anyone were to find out what he did, they would be killed and he would have hell to pay.... People never bother to ask themselves why, everyday, at precisely the time they go to work, their new neighbor is there to say “hello,” or why there always seems to be one person at work who is immune to trouble. No matter how many times they miss work, come late, or leave early, it never catches up with them.
Porter knew why.”

But as we don’t, it is a perfect snare to catch and control the reader.

And for lovers of conspiracies and conspiracy theories:

“Murphy’s Law was rewritten to be read as “that which can go wrong, can be made to go wrong.”

But Porter too is suffering from the same:

“Porter was now suspicious of everything, which was a dangerous frame of mind and he knew it. It’s too easy to make mistakes when you are looking for shadows and invisible men.”

This is a cracking first chapter. We know everything but actually nothing:

“He was stunned. Why would she try to expose him like that? ... Information about Miranda was like the plague, close contact could result in death. Curious subjects tended to disappear along, lest we forget, with the agent responsible for the leak.”

How about this for a recruitment drive:

““It all boils down to money, love or status. If you can make people believe you can give them these things or better yet, take them away, people will work, kill, steal or die for you. Those I work for can give and take these things in abundance.”...
We’ve been following your progress with great interest. It’s time you begin your training. You have a bright future ahead of you, my boy. You will get to live your whole life just like you are now, in the system but not of it. Things will always be arranged for you. You will always have a job, always have a place to live. Sometimes, you will find yourself with a lot of money, sometimes, not so much. Best of all, you’ll always know what you are going to do because we will tell you.”"

And if you are targeted by Miranda?

“Miranda didn’t even require Jacob to apply. They came to him.... A few days later Jacob had received a package in the mail. It contained a set of lock picks and a variety of locks. He was to practice until he could identify and pick each lock in under one minute in utter darkness. It took him less than one week.
After which he got package after package, each containing an exercise. He learned how to defeat coded locks, combination locks, keyed locks, a variety of safes, security systems of all sorts, as well as learning to use all the basic burgling tools.
He learned how to tap phone lines, and how to place bugs for sound surveillance or cameras for visual. He learned how to search for such devices manually and with tools. He learned how to hack into nearly any computer system and was provided with some unbelievable hacking programs, things which were far advanced from current technology... He learned to forge documents, signatures, and handwriting....”

This is a modern John Le Carre. It is easy to see why this author and this book are already so highly rated. Backed.

Dear Ayrich,

First off, congratulations on getting picked up by HC. After reading more than a couple of chapters of your story, I can see why. Secondly, congratulations again for having wriggled out of this rat-race called authonomy. Man, its insane (but a lot of fun too.) I know it won’t be long before we get to see Miranda on real bookshelves in real bookstores. Trust me, I mean it. Can’t wait.

Just a few words on Nick and Dr Evans. You’ve got a couple of very intriguing characters here. What was your inspiration? Did you model them on someone you knew or were they entirely figments of your imagination? I doubt the latter, because Nick fits a certain psychological profile. One that I’m acquainted with, but really can’t define in clear terms. The small nuances of his character are too accurate to have been imagined. In fact, Dr Evans and he could very well be different shades of the same person. This characterisation has effectively given life to an equally intriguing idea (I’m actually jealous now.) They can take your story to whatever heights you want to reach.

Best regards,
AGC

Read the first Chapter of Miranda and find it fascinating. (Yes I am a fast reader). I would definitely recommend to a friend if published!

Well, in view of the amount of praise already heaped on 'Miranda' and the fact that someone is looking at it, I feel my penn'orth will not add much. But for what it's worth I thought this was an absolute page turner and I'm sure it will get published, In fact it was such a page turner that I never got the chance to write down the one or two little typos I found as I didn't want delay reading on. Will certainly put it on the shelf because it deserves all the publiciity it can get. All the best with it Jaye

great story Ayrich. you are starred. I do hope that you will take a look at mine. LLL

hullo Ayrich and welcome to my bookshelf for a good read. Please have a look at mine.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

Very interesting novel. I enjoyed.

Joy J. Kaimaparamban
The Wildfire

hullo Ayrich. Ooh, what a tight thriller 'Miranda' appears in a very sensual manner.
read and starred.
Please don't forget mine!
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

MIRANDA-Ayrich Mutch
hullo Ayrich. Welcome to my bookshelf for a good read!
Already shelved and backed and starred.
Please take a look at my book and thanks for that if you have.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

Definitely intriguing. Rated & backed.

Cat
"Twisted"

Definitely intriguing. Rated and backed.

Cat
"Twisted"

The pace is shaping up nicely. Porter is an intriguing character and the code name Miranda and what lies behind it lead the reader into the thriller in one easy move. I like the characterisations and the content. Backed K.J. Rabane - According to Olwen.

I liked the idea of the story and Porter cam off as engaging and likeable (for all his bad intentions). But the pace felt slow and it often shot off at tangents that distracted me. The first chapter takes us to the restaurant and also fills us in on his thoughts about what he's doing and what he does in general, but alot of it was quite vague and at times it seeemed unnecessary.

For example, when he considers how most people don't notice day to day things, that's an interesting observation, and relevant to his job, but not relevant to the scene, especially not in the detail you go into it. You then have the photgrapher pop up, which seems to go against his whole watch out for the ordinary idea. Then you say it's dangerous to be looking too hard for danger, which goes against the initial 'danger could be anywhere' stance. I can see that each of these things can be true and even related, but to put them all in the same character in the forst scene was confusing. and while I'm trying figure out what you're saying, I'm not in the flow of the story.

i think you're trying to push too many ideas at once. If it's important to know that ordinary things are the most mysterious, don't just tell us that, show it to be true. And if the point is that the photographer being so blatant is unusual, you have to be careful it doesn't come off as comical, like he's being watched by Inspector Clouseau.

The action from his home to the restaurant was very straightforward. Although his thoughts convey that he's up to no good, the action physical stuff going on wasn't very engaging. He picks up one person than the other. While it serves its purpose, it might make for a more rewarding opening chapter if things don't go so smoothly. If he has to fix a problem it would be a better way to find out what he's made of and why he's good at his job, rather than just telling us via his inner monologue. And having him feel he's successfullly avoided disaster would be a better place to have him before you pull the rug out from under him at the end of the chapter.

Overall it's quite well written and has some interesting ideas, but the pace was too slow for me.

Some line notes:
Turning the key in the ignition he backed out of the drive...
Turning is a contiuous action, so this reads like he's backing out and turning the key at the same time.

It may have been the only truly honest things he ever said to her.
I think this should be: It may have been the only truly honest things he HAD ever said to her.

First he's set up on a blind date...
You switch to present tense here (and for the next few lines). It feels inconsistent.

You use the butterflies in stomach metaphor twice in close proximity, i would suggest you change one.

I saw your comments on the forum. It occured to me that you might like a look at my book, Hereafter...Again. It gets a lot of doors slammed on it because it is not, shall I say, god-friendly. Have a read if you like, I looked your book over, it deserves a backing, but I am shelf committed for another week. I will leave you 5 stars, because I like what I read, and put you on my watchlist tll next week.

Have added 'Miranda' to my watchlist and plan to read shortly. All the best.

Ch 3
I like the way you have served me three different perspectives in the first three chapters. There is plenty of interest. I also like ths shortness of the third, because it keeps my curiosity jogging along nicely. The shortness helps to ensure I don't drift off. This chapter had me pondering the nature of those complex organisations constucted by groupings of intelligent rising men devoted to the preservation or aquistion of power...the KGB, the CIA... I judge not. I llike this phrasing 'gain entry into all things locked'. It made me think that that is exactly what we slush pile soldiers are all hoping to achieve. I like 'he was a professional observer. he documented things for a living.' For some reason it made me think of Benny the Bin Man, a footnote in British media history who used to collect rubbish bags from outside London celebs houses to rifle for taste tid-bits...and boosted sales of shredders. I also thought of Richard Nixon and the paranoia of those 5 percent of the 5 percent who pulls the strings and press the levers. You have my curiosity.

Ch 2.
I found myself looking fwd to the read as I settled down in a Starbucks in London's Canary Wharf one lunchtime. I knew from the first chapter that you can do it for me. I found myself reading with my head. Yours is not a pathos trip. That's OK, the bloke in me suffers terribly from being a nice tame new man every few days or so. i need sinister because life is sinister often. I enjoyed the patient way in which you constructed Nick's character and internal furniture. I found myself envying and disliking him in equal measure. I like 'They had an ulterior motive.' O so often so. 'They were all religious and unbelievably naive.' is exactly how many Europeans think of many Americans. I judge not. 'Firewalking', oh for Pete's sake Nick! You are rolling with the wrong folk. I can see the corn jug. 'Get lost, Tom.' is exactly what I wld like to say to my boss. Shhhhhh. 'Illicit filling' is a bit passe, but so? 'Nick looked at the dean'. I made a note here 'exact mind at work,' because you have an eye for detail and construct patiently. I like that. I am not as patient as you, alas. The dean engaged my socio-political-psycho complex. This smoke and mirrors, nothing's what it seems stuff will appeal to the gargantuan appetite there seems to be for conspiricy. So you are on a winner there. The nature of money is not new or suprising in any way but remains true for all that. The bit about devloping the market did get me nodding because that does seem to be how things are now, sort of beyond politics. Hence the Obama win cld, by those so minded, be dismissed as not that important as 'that', public politics, is no longer the real game, arguably. 'He with the most backing wins' had me smiling inwardly as that is exactly true of this petrie dish we are all milling around in here. It is also the best of cues for me to say, sir, you have my BACKING.

As I was reading chapter one, I noticed the anticipation growing and asking myself who is this Porter guy, what is he gonna do? Good scenery description and building of characters as well.

Backed.

Dave
Sunless Shadows

I want to know what happens next, is all I can say. Great read thanks...

I only intended to read the first chapter, but wow you just blew me away and kept me gripped. Big Brother and New World Order screams from your early pages. To say this was good would be an understatement and I can see why you have been approached by HC. Backed with pleasure... Small nit pick chapter one 11th paragraph. 'While her looks were part of the reason she was been chosen." Stops the flow. 'part of the reason she had been chosen' or 'part of the reason she was being chosen' It is a typo I know but thought I would point it out. Good luck in the future...

Chapter 1 is a great set-up for an intriguing book. The reader gets deep into Porter's pov and finds no depth at all. All his thoughts are on the surface. He shuns caring for anyone and he wears a watch that might kill him. Ob boy! I'm not sure if I should feel sorry for him. At the same time, I'm intrigued about what he's trying to do. Which of course, he won't achieve because the woman in room 4 has spoken the name he's so afraid to think about.

It is my pleasure to back this book.

Francene. Still Rock Water.

I rather like Porter's sociopathic detachment. He has Iago's spleen. I wonder how he wld compare to your average Stasi lower-management ranker. Wld such a dark soul ever feel butterflies though? Hmmm, I was a little baffled at the sudden shift at the end from predator to startled prey. But I am curious enough to come back for another bite anon.

O I do like the satisfyingly heavy feel of those 'brass dragonhead knockers'. Kevin, the name evokes, a certain naffness. But I also got notes of Oliver Hardy. But the pimp is definitely doing a good job with the materials to hand.

'People never looked very closely at day-to-day things.' Yes, true. I rather like this sinister-cynical type. He sounds like a clever operative, and he knows it.

I instantly thought of 1984, BB and all that...this led me to think of the stranger-than-fiction Big Brother house spin-off, now thankfully no longer with us. I also thought about various religious schools of thought about things being pre-ordained, and then segued into the control-society which is where your story seems to be sited. I also thought of the computer in the final scene of 2001 A Space Odyssey. And then about all the cctv cameras that keep us safe from ourselves. And then the KGB and the Khamer Rouge. And the devil. And every other James Bond plot. And that german company that spied on its employees phone calls. And every Californian religious cult you care to mention. I also try to control myself and struggle not to succeed. Have you got a new angle on the control vs freedom saga? A writer who works out how to control a publisher might be interesting. "Beg me to sign, you naughty publisher you!"

A very original novel with a hugely imaginitive premise. There is a real sense of mystery and duplicity that pervades through the narrative right from the start and the PoV is very well handled. This is a gripping and inventive story that will make an exceptional breakthru novel.

Backed with pleasure, Ayrich, best of luck.

Jack Hughes
Dawn of Shadows.

Great work Ayrich, definitely deserving of its place
Backed with pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

Polished, intriguing, page turner - what's not to like.

J.S.Watts
A DARKER MOON

I read and backed this a long time ago, looking at it again it is even more polished and deserves to be on as many shelves as it can be. It is on mine.
Good luck

Hi Ayrich ...

A good solid well told story. Tension builds steadily from the first sentence and keeps building throughout. Very good interactive characters and a strong main character in Porter. The story flows well and brings the reader along with it. I would suggest a good proofread for typo's Chapter 4: 'Porter wondered briefly weather Leslie ...' Should be 'whether'. But that apart, a good strong novel. 'Backed'. Regards ... Duncan.

Is the name of the all-knowing Company a cynical, satiric take off on our Miranda Law? It would seem fitting, as Miranda knows no boundary to attain its manipulative and sinister purposes, and who allows no one "the right to remain silent", and, Anything and everything you say may be held against you . . . .
Creepy! This sort of reminds me of Rock Hudson's very best role in "Seconds", a movie from way back when . . .
I'm hooked, and your spooky tale is reeling me in . . . Original and thought provoking . . . Wait! What was that? I thought I saw something out of the corner of my eye . . .

Gripping 1st sentence that drops us right in at the deep end. We're filled with questions and want to read on.

The dialogue's got real snap to it and bounces well from character to character. And the prose flows well and is v readable. + Porter feels like an intriguing character.

The 1st chapter puts us on the edge of our seats. We get hints of a thriller in the making and shadowy conspiracy theories. The perfect ingredients for a bestseller.

I' m more than happy to stick this on my shelf. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before you get it published. Good luck. :)

Pete

Backed Miranda. Awesome job! I can see this unfolding on the movie screen. You’ve created characters that make your story suspenseful! Best Wishes.
CC Brown
Dark Side

Miranda - Good pitch and excellent in what I've read so far [only first chap]. I feel I must see more, and of course that's a good sign. Before I continue, and since criticism offered in a constructive way is supposedly what we are here for, I have a couple of comments. 1. 'I just want to make sure my makeup is right.' and 'Sure, no problem.' The repetition of sure in such close proximity is sour to me. 2. 'Great, I think you'll like this restaurant. It's a great little Italian bistro.' The repetition here is enforced by two more greats a few lines later. 3. 'she was been chosen' , an error you've probably already corrected. These things wouldn't stick out so if the writing wasn't of such high caliber. Shelved and good luck.

G
Einstein's Road Trip [ I would like to see your take on Einstein if your time allows. Thanks ]

Ayrich this is of a superior quality than many books I have read on here in your genre. You are clearly meant to be a writer with such polished work.
I read two chapters and found the pace and content riveting.
Back with pleasure
Alice

Congrats on that - WOW and so deserved - I had backed and commented a while ago - you are deserved of this. Best of luck.

Liz
The Cheech Room

Backed!
Splinker
"I've Been Deader"

B.D.S.T. II

Ayrich,

Miranda is so clever. What a fascinating web. Porter is a great character. Kathy is interesting and somewhat unlikely...I love that twist.
You have crafted an awesome premise for your plot.
Great Job!
Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'

Dear Ayrich --

We can add nothing here that's not been said before, but we will say how much we like the story for its premise -- "People never bother to ask why..." and for your writing. Backed for the pleasure of the twists and turnes, and also because we couldn't help liking Porter. -- Delhui, The Long Black Veil

HI Ayrich, When I first read the title I thought it would be about our" Miranda rights" but it is far from that and its exciting and suspense filled. I like it and I BAck the book! Harold Alvin(ICON)Wesley

A good ominous tone from the beginning. The plot unfolds satisfyingly and it's definitely a page turner
Backed
Lara
Good For Him

Hi Ayrich

I have only read chapter one and I'm trapped. I thought I would be able to read it and skim through the rest but your writing is unique and it is no surprise HC are chasing you.

Backed

Phil
Danny Murphy

Boy oh boy does this author know how to build suspense. The feeling is that something totally sinister is about to be loosed. One is not aware of the writing, only of the characters, who seem like real people living in dangerous but mysterious occupations. I found myself engrossed in the mystery, and the suggestions of danger, far too much to pay attention to the details of the writing. But I also found no flaws that would draw my attention away from the story. This is good writing. Some of the best I have seen on the site, and I have found a number of good stories in my reading here.

I will back this one.

F. Ellsworth Lockwood
"The Final Cruise"

There is an engaging lunacy about this.

Dear Ayrich,
Sucked in by your pitch and I wasn’t disappointed; his crackles from the start. There’s an air of mystery hear with some wonderfully sinister undertones beautifully outlined in Porter’s double-life. I especially liked the part about the watch and him saying it’s a graduation present - you make the ordinary extraordinary.
The first chapter leaves us dangling and asking for more.
I am pleased to give this a spin on my shelf.
Sarah

I think I have commented on your great story before. Having recently returned from holiday I am a bit out of touch. Any way I shall give it a whirl on my shelf in case I didn't before, Regards, Anne

I love the naturalness of this, so believable and well drawn. Best of luck. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

This an exceptional story with great quality, backed John Warren LASTING iMAGES, please review, jdub

Great opening line, and what follows is straight-forward and believable. Nicely done, happy to back it for you.
Please consider taking a look at my book, The Job.
Craig

ok then

If Miranda allows me to comment :-), I'd say this is a compelling read. Best wishes, M

- Weekend Chimney Sweep
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate