In God's Name

Hi Jamie,
I'd read some of the comments before I started on your novel, so wasn't 100% sure of what I would find. It's interesting that you proclaim a lack of belief in your work. I won't judge it in light of that. I intend to look at it on it's own merits.
First off, I think he idea is great. In fact, it's a massive idea to play about with, very exciting, yet, I would imagine, extremely difficult to work with. I don't think I would want to hand any of my characters the power of God, and, after I'd given it to them, how could they fail to win out? So I was fascinated by how you would handle it.
Obviously, the book is embroiled in contemporary politics and the post 9-11 world. It is brave of you to tackle these subjects and, in such sensitive times, they have to be handled well. Thus far, I think you have succeeded. The characters live and breathe and do not come across as stereotyped. You introduce each of them in turn and they are all individuals.
I very much enjoy the subject of religion and I like the way you feed it into each character's narrative, leaving me wanting more. My one criticism is that you move between characters quite rapidly. I would like to see more contextualisation. At the beginning, we jump into the Dean and Benyamin's conversation with very little preface. I felt a little wrong-footed by this, as if I had suddenly been plunged into the middle of a novel rather than the start. In addition, their conversation, though punchy, does not offer a lot of characterisation. My knowledge of Benyamin, as an elderly professor who works himself too hard and has been affected by the death of his wife, comes from the Dean's inner musings, and is flatly explained to me, rather than revealed through their conversation. Indeed, the whole conversation seems to be slightly unnecessary - a jumping off point which gives the Dean the opportunity to describe benyamin's character to the reader.
There were however, moments of brilliance. I loved "standing on the edge of an abyss, listening to the heartbeat of the universe as diamond-edged flecks of time splintered into the void." Absolutely stunning writing!
Over all, I envy you the position you are in. You clearly have a gift for writing. The only flaw I can see is that the story moves along too quickly, without enough context for each section. You have the skeleton of an excellent novel, which simply needs to be fleshed, unlike most writers on Authonomy who tend to write too much, rather than too little! This is full of big ideas and engaging characters. It would be a shame if you gave up on it now.
Dan

Thank you for the very constructive criticism Ed, I think you hit it on the head with the lack of belief comment. It was written for my dissertation and as soon as the mad rush finished I just seemed to lose all heart and energy for writing. I've only just started writing regularly again and I graduated in 2005. I'm currently in the process of writing something else, but I will go back to this, possibly with a few alterations, because you're right, it is too good to sit on a dusty corner of my hard drive.

Hi Jamie

Just had a chance to read your book.

I saw what you had to say in your synopsis, with regards to not liking what you have written. For me i then have to be able to judge the book based on the authors lack of belief (call it what you will) in the novel.

Personally Jamie, based on the above, reading the novel was rather difficult, as the parts that i read, mainly the introduction of the characters were enjoyable. This includes the gradual way in which you introduce the characters and their deepest most reflections and their vulnerability. A very different tact from a book that has been classed in the science fiction genre.

It is a book that i feel would be successful. The trouble is how much you are happy with. Your idea as you stated is something you liked. I feel it is a great idea and something that you should consider in more depth.

For what it-s worth i have enjoyed what i have read so far...you are a talented writer and feel that you should go back as you say and continue.

On my shelf, as i feel that this is a book that will do well. Please change the synopsis, mainly about your feelings. This could be something that you can discuss during forums, but left here, may put some people off reading your book. Just my opinion.

Much appreciated and on my shelf

Ed Quinn (Donkeys kill more people)

Revise and finish! You can't just leave it, that's a writing Sin!

I will, I will, I don't want to be a sinner all my life, just need some more practice first.

Revise and finish! You can't just leave it, that's a writing Sin!

fascinating summary and first chapter - you re early influences have obviously stuck somewhere but you have created your own style - the dialogue is well written and am looking forward to reading on....

Thank you Andrew, I'm really Glad you have enjoyed things so far and thank you very much for your comments on the dialogue. As I said in the synopsis It's unlikely that I'll do any further work on the manuscript, though there are a couple of other chapters to upload yet, I'm not going to give up on teh idea, I just feel it could use a slightly different approach. It is nearly 5 years old now, so it's probably due some revision.

fascinating summary and first chapter - you re early influences have obviously stuck somewhere but you have created your own style - the dialogue is well written and am looking forward to reading on....