A Pittsburgh Storm

Wow, your writing is so clean and polished. The description is vivid and really sets the atmosphere and mood. You get right into an intriguing story at a good pace. Excellent work.

High school english teacher shining through this work, so for as far as I can detect 'tis near perfect! Containing all the necessary ingredients for a thrilling reading experience making it a book to buy.

I only read two chapters, but you're writing is perfect. I felt like I was walking around with them, seeing everything through their eyes. This will stay on my watchlist, because I intend to continue reading. This is the kind of story I really enjoy reading. I'll keep reading as long as the dead don't start turning into zombies, then I'll be through. Hope you don't have zombies. Love your book.

You're on my book shelf.

Trish
'Miranda'

This is immeadiate and striking; enjoyable, every word of it. As a fellow apocalyptic writer, I shall be keeping an eye close on you.

Andrew

A Pittsburgh Storm

Hi David,

This is great thriller, end of world writing. Tight, close-in to the action and it boles along at a cracking pace. I am sorry I should have nit-picked it but in the end I simply enjoyed what I was reading. The end of world is a bleak, mysterious and exciting place, the mystery revealed one piece at a time, so much to get my teeth into here, I love this kind of stuff. My one suggestion would be to remove any hint of hubris from your pitch, your writing is great, you don’t need to trumpet it, let us, your readers, do that. If you have time to peek at my book it would be so helpful at this stage in the game.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W
(Sanctuary’s Loss)

A Pittsburgh Storm--

If I found this book in a store, I'd buy it immediately. I love the premise, and after reading the first chapter, I had to pop it onto my bookshelf for safe keeping. I'm already warming to Matthew and feel invested in what happens to him. That's important in any story, but especially one like this.

Now, off to read some more.

Matthew somehow knows that James won't use the gun - how?
This reminded me of I Am Legend - you need to find your unique selling point and show how your book is different from similar titles.

It's not a new story line but it's a very well written book and your writing has immediacy and directness which makes the writing flow effortlessly for the reader. I think this should do very well, the kind of airport novel that would make the journey speed past. As a teacher, I can see the editing of this book is already tight so theres' little comment needs to be made on that issue.
Well done, good luck with it
Regards
Chris (inside out)

Dear David
Your book reminds me of something Stephen King wrote some time ago. It's real - the people and the place - and it contains an air of drama not ordinarily met with in evry day life. I believe I read it once a long time ago. Whether I shelved it or not I can't remember. However, I am going to today. I do have a few "helpful?" comments: ...the sleeping nightmare (bared = bore" ...a new look of (dire) = The thesaurus lists many altrnative words. Perhaps another wuld serve better. ...(would have = had already broken...) ...mull my ideas over = ...mull over my ideas? I assume ( mixed tenses = they're = ..everyone I meet...) There's "someone" ...where (they were...) I intend to get back to this book as time permits. I have to know how they make out. I don't know if you comented on my book, Prides Crossing, but even if you have, could you glance at it again? I've added more chapters and upgraded what was already written, thanks to specific comments from other readers. I'd appreciate it if you could give it another go. Edie

Dear David,
What a great book! I did what I seldom do - I read straight through Chapter 3 and I am going to shelve this as soon as I finish what I feel I must say. The book is real. I felt I was right there as I read along the way; however, there were a few problems I feel I have to mention. I am going to list all the examples as far as I got before filling up the paper I was writing on, in order from Chapter 1 through Chapter 3, except for a few at the end of Chap 3 that I had no room to list. I trust you're familiar with computers. If not, simply write a word in FIND and you will be immediately at that spot. ...bared = bore? The word "sentience". Even though I consider myself well-educated I had to look this one up. Could you find a more understandable word and not break the flow of the sentence.? ...hopeless lull (that = delete) from which I... ...woman lays (on?) the right side... ...left all (of = delete) the pans... ...bemused = could you find a less "educated" word? Authorities (had = delete) ...to (events = delete) these events... These (particular = delete) men... ...to intimidate, (and = delete) I have many more, but I guess you can understand the message. Read the chapters through again and eliminate anything that interferes with the flow. This book is too good to be slowed down by such easily correctible glitches. May I now call your attention to my book, Prides Crossing. It is both a mystery story and a family saga that goes back four generations. I think you will like it. Please give it a glance and let me know. Edie I read all the comments below but it seems I'm the only one to give word-for-word suggestions. Their writen in an effort to help. I hope that's how you take them. Edie

Loved this from the second I started reading it. You'll be shelved soon, sir. That I can promise -- I actually just want to read more first (and leave a few I've shelved on there for at least a day).

I love 28 days, and I am Legend, so naturally I like this! Great writing technique, fast- suits story, immediately get character quirks and habits, familiar sense of character.
Adam (Lunar and Sol)

Not the most original plot David but very well written and so far it has an authentic ring to it. How will you make it stand out amongst all the other apocalypse novels? It will need more that the author telling us how 'awesome' it is. Shelved for its potential. Patrick Barrett (Shakespeares Cuthbert)

Hi there,
I like your premise and the fact that your story, while fiction, is very close to current affairs and shows what could happen, which is rather scary. Matthew is a brilliantly drawn character who fits well as the MC of your story - you do a good job of showing us how he feels and of allowing the reader to get to know him, he is believable and appealing. Your descritpions create a convincing atmosphere, I can see the devastation that you describe. In all, from my reader's POV, this is a good read and it's SHELVED!
Bests,
AnnabelleP
(Adelaide Short)