Greenacres Academy

Ah, YA as it should be: Clearly defined characters, clean structure, easily understood conflict, lots of heart. Reminds me of JKRowling, but it's better than JK Rowling. For this reason: The magic is human, not founded in the supernatural. Easily shelved.

Cheers--
Gev

okay so i came back to read some more b/c i never actually finished and WOW it is even more amazing than I remember. you wrote this so beautifully i just cant believe it. the words flowed so well. it;s just one of those stories you just cherish. totally adoring it now and cannot wait to get back to it tomorrow. i cant believe it took me so long to get back to it. i completely forgot how amazing it was i suppose and brillantly written.
-cara

This is every young girl riders' dream book. Let's hope you get published for their sakes!

Greetings!

I've read through all four chapters. I have mixed feelings about this. I really like Shane's character; he is simple enough to understand, has enough variances to make him fairly unique while also playing on stereotypes to help develop him (this is a good thing, in my opinion.) His part of the story is easy to believe and I found him to be charismatic.

I had problems with Chloe, however. I jut couldn't suspend the disbelief that someone that scarred and troubled would be able to work with horses enough to make it into a prestigious academy like Greenacres. I also found it particularly troubling that her parents acquired her new horse right before she went; riding a horse you aren't familiar with is hard enough, but if they could afford to send her to this prestigious school, why didn't they buy her a horse sooner? And while I get the concept of getting a horse as a gift, if she is as serious of a rider as you're trying to make her out to be, why wouldn't they involve her in the process of buying the horse?

Your inclusion of the storm is a good touch at the beginning, but I think that you could improve the tension by being a little more immediate in your opening paragraphs. It didn't feel like it was as tense as it could be.

All in all, I think this has quite a bit of promise. I like how you have a struggling character coping with the death of a horse and the emotional scars the accident left behind. I do think, however, you may want to consider having her have a little more backbone and a little more desire to do well despite her fears, if only to make certain that her entry into Greenacres doesn't look contrived.

I hope my comments help. Good luck with this, your writing style is well suited to this genre and type of writing, so I think with a little polishing and tweaking, you'll be able to pull this off rather well.

~ RJ

Tremendous job of character development and opening up with a tension driven horseback ride in a storm. I disagree that you can't open up with a dream when it grabs a reader and rides them through the psychology of your protagonist Chloe. Your love for this work is evident in the subtle details. And anyone who has edited knows the Devil is in the details. May I suggest a dash more of humor to flesh out supporting characters and bring more human frailty into the mix to make them more compelling. As of now though it's a great read.--JL "The Devil Of Black Bayou"

you use a great voice for this story. there is a very good flow and pace, not to mention narrative and dialogue...
on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

Three youngster, each with a different, but endearing perspective. You've done a wonderful job in introducing them to us, and set the stage well for thier experiences at the riding academy. Good dialogue and descriptive passages. Smooth flow and a very entertaining read. Backed with pleasure!

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

Dear Valentina,
The relationship between Chloe and Magic is beautiful and just right for young adult readers. Your story has many of the universal teen themese - very nice writing!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

Into Chapter 4, and enjoying it very much. Such a shame I can't read the whole book.
Small points, Ch 2, 'this comprised of...' incorrect in that context. Maybe 'composed of.' * 'owner will fight over them.' should be conditional, not future tense, 'would' not 'will.' * Mr and Mrs should be Mr. and Mrs. Ch 4, * typo, 'as she like to call it,' should be 'liked.' and one more, also Ch 4. Shane's mother is a bit posh, or at least likes to think she is. She would say, 'This is my son, whom I was telling you about.' not 'who.' 'Whom' is correct in that context, though don't do as some do, and put 'whom' instead of 'who' when it is not correct.
Overall, this is a story I would have enjoyed at 14, and am enjoying at nearly 60. Very well done indeed. Backed, Marj.

GREENACRES ACADEMY
This is a wonderful story for YAs who love horses. They don't have to know much about riding to feel the excitement and tension as Chloe struggles against her fears after the terrible accident. You clearly know horses and each horse you write about seems distinct and with its own characteristic, especially Titan.. I like the way you describe the tack and other riding euipment. It rings true for a reader who is an experienced rider but even those who may just about recognise a saddle can still follow the story.
But it's not just about horses: you've introduced some interesting characters and the attraction between Shane and Chloe is there from the start. Our sympathy is with Chloe and we can feel her terror but also her fascination with the good looking boy who can be kind but also rude. Why is he so troubled and will she ever trust him enough to share her fears with him?
The other three girls in Chloe's bedroom also add interest. First we have the contrast between the friendly pair Anna and Katie who help Chloe relax. Then we are introduced to the snooty Veronica who succeeds in insulting each one of them before she goes to sleep. Veronica has already noticed each girl's weakness and so through her observant but unpleasant nature, she could be a serious threat to them all.
I think this will keep girl readers engrossed because you have all the right ingredients and you are writing about something you know a lot about.
Just one very small nitpick. When you have someone being called sir in a conversation, I would write it as "sir" not "Sir" (unless a chara\cter was being referred to as "Sir Somebody " of course.) You also have characters referring to their horses as "Boy". Unless the horse is actually named Boy, I would write it as "boy". Hope that is helpful.
Well done. Your story is backed and I wish you luck with it..
Cherry G.
The Girl from Ithaca

A fab read.
Backed with pleasure.

Dawn,
My friends and Me / Sammy and the Wise willow

Talked to a few agents I know and read blogs and interviews from others…they all said the same, DON’T start with a dream, an instant reject. Following it with breakfast and small talk just pushes the reader away. You can start with your MC reading the article in the paper ten jump to Shane. Bring the accident on later, in a flashback discussion.
Every time you bring up Chloe she wakes up. I would change that. How does it help a reader?
In Ch 1 you display your good voice, love for horses, nice combination of narration and dialogue, plenty of telling but less showing. Overall good writing but little to grab the reader.
Ch 2 is different, for the better. We finally have action and talk related to the story. I like it. Maybe a little of what’s going through your MC’s head…you could do it with internal dialogue.
CH 3 starts with her in bed again (CHANGE THAT, it becomes repetitive and pushes the reader/agent/editor away) and it’s all telling. And a page later she wakes up again…OH BOY. Take the two ref to her out, start with Shane and follow up with her on Sunday.
Ch 4 starts great and than, bedroom again and you telling the reader…show instead…draw the reader into your story. Develop your MC, she must capture the readers imagination and not with you telling. Have her do things, think for herself, used dialogue to hear her more, show us how she thinks and develop feelings from her (not you telling).
Shane is a much better developed character than she is. We can see him doing things but when it comes to her you’re trying too hard to endear her with the reader by telling us why we should like her…and you fail.
Sorry, that’s all I have time for now. Maybe more later but you get my drift. You need to change things if you want to hold the reader’s attention.
The writing.s good and clear enough.
OK, you got my vote.

Dear Valentina
absolutely loved this book cover and the pitch first time around and then the second as well. Yes i have commented and backed your book, however cannot find the backing so will do it again, because it is WORTH IT
the VERY best of luck
If you have not already , please comment on my book and BACK it if not that is OK also
Denise
The Letter

Incredibly fascinating

backed

I LOVED this! So perfect for the YA audience, and I say this because I totally would have read this as a YA. I loved stories about horses--I loved horses. The opening action scene is fantastic too, and I kept reading to find out why she was in that situation to begin with! I loved Chloe immediately--definitely a character I'd be happy to follow over the course of a novel. The writing is clean and easy to follow. Well polished.
xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

Hello Valentina, this is a lovely story and one I think young girls will like very much. The writing is clear and descriptive. - Well done and good luck. - Shelved with pleasure
Paula - Ruined Echoes

Lovely stuff here. Extremely enjoyable to read. Descriptive and written with style - backed with Pleasure.
and and vesna
When Spirits Break Free

I wonder if the scene of the runaway horse and fall at the very beginning could be told in a prologue, or separate short chapter. Seems abrupt to jump to 3 months later, and also to have her parents expect her to be ready to compete after such a nasty accident. Otherwise, It´s a clean and wonderful read, with conflicts and desires easily identified. Good luck,
Susan´
Flirting in Spanish

Wonderful stuff. I'm always on the look out for great new young adult, and yours fits the bill perfectly. This is brilliantly grounded magic and the story is vivid and beautiful. Great work!

Abi xxx
"Everyone knows the rule: Stay inside the Wall, but Tisha believes rules are made to be broken." - Relic

My only suggestion would be at the very beginning maybe make the first few paragraphs as a prologue? it seems odd to start in present tense and then jump to three months later... just a suggestion though :) Other than that your writing is fast pased which is good for your audience. Backed for support!

Brittany
My Last Notes

I saw this and cautiously clicked "read book".....I'll admit I was leery of mucking up a good horse story with romance ....

It is everything I (tentatively) hoped it would be, and more, more, more. Your audience is going to inhale this. All of the necessary elements are well handled - especially your characterizations, but it has a galloping :-) pace, gritty emotion, and a keen balance. I see this getting snapped up. Well done. Backed with a serious hat tip.

Wow, this is amazing!! It has everything a good book should--romance, horses, hot guys... drama. :) Great work. Can't wait to read more!!

YA? no I assure you this has a much wider appeal, backed Maggie P.

Beautiful chick lit. Gripping, fast paced romance. Backed with pleasure
Very best wishes,
M (Weekend Chimney Sweep)

I took a look at this book because my 10 year old niece is very big into riding horses. She is going to absolutely love this book. Well written story. She will definitely be able to handle the underlying tension of pain and loss and will relate to this book. I plan on showing this to her next weekend when I am at her house. Well done!

GREENACRES ACADEMY: Love this! Horses and romance are always a good combination. Chloe and Shane are well rounded characters. Can't wait to read more!

HJ
Pearl Edda

I read three chapters and I will probably read more! This is so, so good. I'm involved, what can I say. I like Chloe, you really feel for her, forcing herself to do something that used to bring her such joy. Shane, with his awful family, is also a great character. I see how they are going to be able to help and, in a sense, heal each other. Now they are both going to Greenacres and I'm excited to see what happens from there. And to find out what happened with Ghost! It broke my heart at the end of chapter 3 when she got a new horse that looked so much like him. Well that is enough for now, haha, I am going to go back and see what else you've got. Great job with this, I hope I didn't sound too much like a crazy person in this, just enjoying the book!

Missy

When I decided to take a look at "Greenacres" my first thoughts were not enthusiastic. Horsey people, horsey story - not my thing at all. Then I started reading and very quickly became involved. That can only be down to the style and skill of the writing - fast moving, compact, easy dialogue, believable characters, beleivable situations, full of homely human interest. - (and horses). But now the "horses" didn't put me off any more. I wanted to know - I wanted to find out - I wanted to feel the emotions that Chloe was feeling. " Can't judge a book by looking at the cover". I like this and I can see the target audience loving it too - and not just the "horsey" ones. Well written, well done, I will be back to read more. Last time I was on a horse it was to climb a mountain in Mexico. Maybe I'll have another go now. Book backed with no reservations.
Only mistake I found was an apostrophe in the wrong place maybe - "farmer's vegetables" should be farmers' vegetables as I assume there is more than one farmer in the area though I may be wrong I suppose - in which case - you are right. Good luck with this book. Eric.

You really feel the terror Chloe feels as Ghost runs out of control--a very good opening. Chloe seems a likable character who, like many people her age, are faced with decisions. Looks great so far!

Valentina -

Backed, happily (and YA is a genre I just don't read).

Thanks.

- Jeff Lee
THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR

Why the heck isn't this book being read more? I used to live near both Exeter and Chipping Norton so was eager to read more of your great story.

Your writing is smoother than silk and it was an absolute pleasure, ney (see what I did there!!) delight to read.

All the very best with it.

Melxx
Impeding Justice

No one loves horses more than schoolage girls so this is the perfect book for that age group. Chloe is a good character for the same reason; easy for your readers to "own" and relate to. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Hi Valantina! Sorry this is a long overdue return read.

There are many comments on here about how the non-horsey among us feel drawn into the world of equines, and you do this very well. It didn't feel dumbed down for the market but you still explain enough for those who know little or nothing. A good combination. But for me it's not the equine theme that works well here, it's just your story telling technique. It works so well and you bring strong characters into a genre that tends to be a bit 'sappy'.
Enjoyed what I read - backed with pleasure.
Cat
Judas Kiss

Come on people, this should not be slipping down the charts!!!!.
Backed.
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.

Valentina,
I haver read the first few chapters of Greenacres Academy, and I have enjoyed them a lot, I can´t wait to keep reading the rest! I used to be very keen on hourses and now you have remembered me how much I liked them!
It should be published the sooner the better.
Best regards,
Ichi

Hi - not my kind of book at all and yet i could see it was well-written and that you are knowlwedgable re. the subject matter. I'm sure young riders will enjoy this. BACKED! Barry (Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys)

Hi Valentina _ I know little of the eqine world but you gave me a feel for it. The opening chapter is excellent. The fear as she hangs on to the uncontolable Ghost and the accident at the end is pacy and exciting. You handle the girls reluctance to carry on with a career with horses well. And the parental pressure or is it encouragement. I wish you luck with it. Hope you are enjoying Uni

Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley

Hello Valentina...smile. I'm new to this site and just put up my book, Golden Moon, http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=16250 I thought I'd have a look to see how many other horse tales are posted here and was quite shocked to see the list is scant. I did give Greenacres a read and it tugged at my heart strings. I have had a life of training, breeding and showing Arabians and Morgan horses in America, so the competition factor definitely brought back lots of memories.

Your book is well written and I'm sure there are a lot of horse crazy young girls who would eagerly devour it if they had a chance. I backed your book....hope it helps
Dawn De Remer

I'm a horse owner with a teenager who competes (although in dressage). I loved this. The opening was a bit worrisome, the lack of control and the absence of helmet are unlikely for that level of rider-- but other than that, two thumbs up.

Apart from being very good at falling off, I know almost nothing about riding and horses, but I have a best friend who does.
As i was unqualified to comment, I showed this to her and she said "Wow! Shove over and go and make me some coffee."
On the srtength of this and several cups of coffee later she said I was to back you right away.
So...backed.

Valentina, I read the first chapter and the story looks good. I love the opening part where you write 'prayed not to break too many bones.' I'll back this book.

GREENACRES ACADEMY:

Valentina,

I love horses and I love stories about horses, so I was sucked into this even before I started reading. This is a well-paced story that all horse-lovers, especally teenagers, will adore. There is a good steady flow to your writing. The dialogue is crisp and realistic and you have a style well suited to youngsters, who like to get straight into the action.

Well done. Backed, with my best wishes for the success of this lovely story.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

Dear Valentina Rosa,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. To cover less-traveled ground I skipped to chapter seven and was rewarded by Chloe tormented by a dilemma of whether or not to perform. You do a good job ramping up the tension with the prestigious judges. Chloe’s failure is triumphant in its completeness, which is good because now I want her to succeed. Shane also has an interesting story going with Titan, the horse no one could ride. Now I understand her problem, and I’m keen to see Shane and Prince help her heal.

I believe a typo snuck into your text with “to the display then horses now gave”.

This small matter aside, I enjoyed your story. Bravo! Backed.

Best wishes in university,
Alan Marling

Greenacres Academy:

Even though I'm way past the age of your target audience, I found your writing kept me connected all the way through chapter one, and with over three hundred comments all I can add is, Good luck with this!

Will make a spot on my shelf for it.

Cáit ~ Muckers ~

Very good YA.
Second paragraph... omit 'from the saddle' and this will tighen up the action scene a bit more.
Otherwise, enjoyed the story, and if i were a teenager, i would be gripped.
Created some good intense drama at the beginning, definately hooking the reader.

BACKED

This is a story that a lot of teenagers and young adults could relate to. You have a nice writing style. You've created clear goals for your characters and laid out their obstacles. The opening of the book has a nice hook.

I don’t understand one paragraph in chapter two: “…What’s its temperament?” “Just get in there.” He snatched her hat out of her hands and placed it on her head Jim – You normally wouldn’t have quotes from different people in the same paragraph. “Jim” seems out of place. And there is no period.

Overall, I think there's a bright future for this book. You have my backing.

Brian

This makes me want to learn to ride a horse. Ive ridden a donkey, a camel, an elephant, but i cant recall much interaction with horses....

Backed
AR Latif
The Mr.Terry Mysteries

An easy book to back, well written and fun. While I'm probably not your ideal target market by a long way, I can see that there would be a lot of people who would get a great deal of enjoyment from this.

Hi Valentina,
I read the first few chapters of your book and I found it to be intriguing and a pleasure to read. It was a nice change from the mass of fantasies that are out there. Your story is exciting and the characters are well matched. I look forward to reading the entire book. Well written. I have backed you.
Ronnie (Mudslide)

Thank you for shelving Beauty's Beholder. I grew up riding horses... haven't ridden in ages. This has promise. Shelved happily for further reading!

A book about horses has a ready made market among teenage girls, and this is a very good one. Chloe and Shane both have problems, and you introduce us to them, time and about, in a clear, easy to read style which moves on quickly. The start, with Chloe's accident and subsequent nightmares, is gripping, and we can only admire Chloe's courage as she fights against her own fear, especially when she gets back up on the horse at the Greenacres audition. Shane, too, is a character easy to get to know and to like. The little incident when they speak to each other as Chloe leaves and Shane enters the arena, works well. Clearly this is only the first of many encounters, adding the layer of romance which gives the story an extra buzz. Chapter Two ends on a cliffhanger, as we are left wondering what happened in the audition; and then, in Chapter Three, both are offered places, to their mutual surprise. An excellent book in its genre. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Your writing looks very clean and polished. I couldn't find a single thing to point out, other than to say that I was drawn in from the first paragraph. Your concise description and action pulls the reader in immediately, and at the end of chapter one, there was a question lingering that makes you want to read on. Nice work.