Book Jacket

 

rank 1919
word count 16146
date submitted 01.05.2009
date updated 05.07.2010
genres: Fiction, Fantasy
classification: moderate
incomplete

Warlords of The Dreaming God

Scott Foley

A disgraced warrior embarks upon a simple mission, to find that his path could lead to salvation. Or to a final reckoning of his crimes.

 

When Termaris and his mercenaries are hired to bring an old magician and his niece to safety, he knows the pay for this simple mission is just too good. He accepts, running from the approaching war and a past he cannot face. He meets Ethné, a girl frustrated by a haphazard magical talent. Attacked by a demon-possessed youth, they realise that the mission is more than it appeared. Their attackers were sent by the Temple of Shirith-Kah, worshippers of darkness whose horde invades Arkavia.

Drawn into a gambit for the fate of nations, they carry a holy vial south to the Arzantine Empire in search of alliance. But their plan is thrown into chaos when they are falsely accused of a noble’s murder. Ethné finds Belsarial, a secretive mentor who teaches her to harness her unique talent. Termaris is thrust into the ill-fitting role of responsible hero, one of the few to save any hope of alliance. But he is no good at being a hero or making wise choices. He fears the gods have cursed him. Because last time, when he was needed most, his decisions destroyed his holy order and he ran from battle, leaving them for dead.

 
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tags

action, adventure, battles, evil, fantasy, knights, magician, siege, war

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118 comments

 

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mvw888 wrote 688 days ago

It is very difficult sometimes to make characters in a fantasy appeal to me; whether they are creatures or human, I expect them to have some dose of the human condition so that I can empathize with them. It is even more difficult to relay a believable character when she speaks in a language that further emphasizes her placement in another place/time ("their assistance is slow in coming," "you forget yourself"). But somehow you have done this in the first chapter with your Queen Ishana. I immediately had a feel for her tenacity, her weaknesses, her personality. Or maybe I just appreciated that she considered keeping the prisoner for his biceps. Kidding. Really, this is vividly, professionally written and I was impressed!

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

A Knight wrote 767 days ago

This is such excellent work, a truly compelling piece of work that shines with narrative superiority. I can't imagine this not being published.

Excellent work!
Abi xxx

Famlavan wrote 779 days ago

Warlords of The Dreaming

I’m in awe at the immense imagination on this site and you have cranked this awe up another level.
Your narrative opening creates a sense of foreboding around the ritual and puts down a base to build the rest of the story. I think you have a real strength around character building that you make full use of. This is a very powerful fantasy, fiction story, very well told.

Sheila Belshaw wrote 878 days ago

WARLORDS OF THE DREAMING GOD:

Scott,

Your love of this genre shines through in this delightful literary fantasy. I stand in awe of an author who can in their imagination create a world so original and fresh, and yet so steeped in myth and fable, with characters who have all our earthly emotions, yet give us a novel slant on life.

Backed with pleasure and my best wishes.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

rhine wrote 448 days ago

Warlords:
Reminds me of Chris Bunch's Seer King, and Glenn Cook's Instrumentalities of Night.
prologue: excellent setting the stage and characterization without overdoing things. I couldn't find a single technical thing wrong, so I will proceed with
opinion:
I would replace the first reference to the summoned creature as It with something more descriptive.
perhaps a bit more detail about the mechanics, as this is central to the story -
seek out and do what? which enemy? and leave when it's job is done?
I realize that some of this is left vague to leave us in the dark, but ground rules help a lot.
how can it cross the gold circle *in* the body?
is there any specific thorn in her side?

Will read on.

Scott Rhine (Foundation for the Lost)

Craig Ellis wrote 568 days ago

This is a great start to a novel, filled with sorcery, enemies, and a pending mission for one summoned. Had I more time I would certainly dive into this further. Great narrative and dialogue throughout. No nitpicks, just good writing. Six stars.

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

SarahJill wrote 570 days ago

I have read the first two chapters so far, and you are on my watchlist.

I am going to comment a little - for what its worth! please be assured I know that what I am offering is simply an opinion, not a fact, and I have no qualifications to criticise!

I liked chapter 2 far more than chapter 1. I have read so many fantasy novels that begin with a nasty act of sacrifice to a god in front of a lord who thinks he has control when he doesn't. Now I don't mean that there is anything wrong with ch 1! I just think the way you started ch 2 was much mroe immediate, had character and drive, and the problem is that I didn't feel nearly as engaged by ch 1 as by ch 2. hmm. I'm not being very clear am I? I guess, I would start with the action thing and put the bit with the sacrifice at the end of chapter 1. Because as a reader I want the immediacy of the main POV character as soon as possible. In this case.

I am looking forward to reading on, though, and I hope you forgive my impertinence in commenting!

gloria piper wrote 590 days ago

Warlords of the Dreaming
Hi, Scot,
Meticulously written.
Backed.
Gloria Piper
Finnegan's Quest

Beval wrote 658 days ago

I liked this, I have a soft spot for flawed heroes and Termaris looks as if he is just that sort.
The narrative flows along at a good pace with enough detail to keep the reader interested, but without the need to add extras to make sure we know its a fantasy. I liked the confidence you have in your own world, the way you know it well enough not to have to keep reminding yourself or the reader they are there.
Happy to back this.

Hypo99 wrote 673 days ago

BACKED INDEED

This is a great book, really. It will rise and rise.

Hope you get the chance to peek inside The Russian Hat.

warm wishes
Brendan

Owen Quinn wrote 675 days ago

Beyond the fantasy elements and epic journey tale, lies a simple story of redemption and even the greatest of warriors must face their inner demons and the greatest battle sometimes lies within ourselves, very visual, well written, with an air of grand scale.

Andrew Burans wrote 680 days ago

Your prologue sets the tone for your story perfectly and I like how you build the character of the queen, Ishana and explore her thoughts and emotions. Your use of short paragraphs and crisp dialogue gives a good pace and flow to your story. Your work is character rich and your imaginative writing makes your fantasy a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

lynn clayton wrote 680 days ago

Fantasy is so overdone it should only be attempted by a writer who can recharge it with striking imagery. The sound in the temple like a mountain falling was for me one of those images. It's not the only one - the demon entering the youth and darkening his eyes is visual and creepy. Glimpses of a horned head and tail - spectacular settings for believable and complex characters, especially the queen. Backed. lynn

Ted Cross wrote 681 days ago

It was easy to read through these chapters, especially as this is the type of story that I like. There were only a couple of things that stood out to me that you might work on to make this even better. One is that you use 'but' a little too often to start a sentence, when sometimes it would simply have been better to use it as a conjunction. That's the more minor issue. The larger one, to me, was that the dialogue sometimes didn't ring true. Quite often you use short sentences, which is not bad per se, but when done too often makes it feel choppy. I really liked this, and I hope you can find some use in the crits people offer and eventually get published.

zan wrote 685 days ago

Warlords of The Dreaming God

Scott Foley

Scott,
Read your pitches and prologue to get a sampling of your writing which is all I had time for today, but hope to come back and read more. I never write fantasy, and since being on this site and encountering so much of it, I find myself pretty amazed by some of the imaginative plots I have encountered. This is one such. And the writing is good too - from the opening lines, you made the reading experience very sensory, with the choked smell of incense air within the temple and so on. You have an excellent way with words, the writing is confident, good dialogue as well, and I'd love to come back and see how Ishana as she descends the steps into the cold spring evening, effects her plans to carve up her new empire. Best of luck with this Scott.

zan wrote 685 days ago

Warlords of The Dreaming God

Scott Foley

Scott,
Read your pitches and prologue to get a sampling of your writing which is all I had time for today, but hope to come back and read more. I never write fantasy, and since being on this site and encountering so much of it, I find myself pretty amazed by some of the imaginative plots I have encountered. This is one such. And the writing is good too - from the opening lines, you made the reading experience very sensory, with the choked smell of incense air within the temple and so on. You have an excellent way with words, the writing is confident, good dialogue as well, and I'd love to come back and see how Ishana as she descends the steps into the cold spring evening, effects her plans to carve up her new empire. Best of luck with this Scott.

teremoto wrote 686 days ago

The setting and imagery are excellent - making it very easy to visualize the scene that builds nicely, and very willingly suspend disbelief. The narrative evokes emotions effectively as it makes us fear for the youth, and thumps up a sense of authoritative majesty with the high priests.

Lara wrote 686 days ago

Well done. Good for gods. Backed
Lara
Good for Him

drachat wrote 688 days ago

Scott,

I must say, I do not normally like sci-fi but I'm amazed at how many sci-fi stories there are on this site that I would actually enjoy reading. Yours is one of them. When a story gets so complicated with strange planet and species names I get completely turned off. Yours is easy to follow and is very descriptive.

Happily Backed
Denise

mvw888 wrote 688 days ago

It is very difficult sometimes to make characters in a fantasy appeal to me; whether they are creatures or human, I expect them to have some dose of the human condition so that I can empathize with them. It is even more difficult to relay a believable character when she speaks in a language that further emphasizes her placement in another place/time ("their assistance is slow in coming," "you forget yourself"). But somehow you have done this in the first chapter with your Queen Ishana. I immediately had a feel for her tenacity, her weaknesses, her personality. Or maybe I just appreciated that she considered keeping the prisoner for his biceps. Kidding. Really, this is vividly, professionally written and I was impressed!

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Lara wrote 689 days ago

Good action, good descriptions. Backed
Lara
Good for Him

Andrew Foley Jones wrote 690 days ago

To be honest, not usually my chosen bag, but as we share the same name, I thought I'd try and be a little more open, and take a peep. And you know, this has really drawn me in. Got me over my fantasy aversion almost. On watchlist as I read on, but well played Mr Foley.

udasmaan wrote 690 days ago

Yeah, it is going to make a wonderful book, no doubt about it. backed

Shah

Barry Wenlock wrote 699 days ago

Hi Scott, I read the first chapter and was impressed by your excellent descriptive powers.
We witness the summoning of the power and the 'sacrifice' of a young man, to whom Ishana feels sexual attraction. Her dislike of the unfamiliar language is realistic. The temple is well-described. Ishan's disdain is shown by her use of the word,' parade'.
We hear of her difficult situation regarding her increasing number of enemies.
'coming off the shape in small tendrils of darkness' was a little hard to imagine, as darkness is just the absence of light.
The prisoner is possessed. He will make the perfect spy. Perhaps Ishana will get her man, after all?
Great writing.
Backed with pleasure.
Best wishes, Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Francesco wrote 758 days ago

Loved it!
Backed with pleasure! Good Luck!!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further read and possible backing of your book.

A Knight wrote 767 days ago

This is such excellent work, a truly compelling piece of work that shines with narrative superiority. I can't imagine this not being published.

Excellent work!
Abi xxx

DMR wrote 770 days ago

I like how I could pick up the character's back-story just by reading a few lines - who they are as people, what actions they might take, what desires drive them, are all woven within your prose.. Warlords of the Dreaming God deserves to be backed - and so - I shall

carlashmore wrote 779 days ago

What a wonderful fantasy - rich in style, description and ideas. Termaris is such a noble, tortured character with a past that I am certain is intriguing. Your prose is both eloquent and fluid and you never stray into the pretentious foibles of some other fantasy writers. I enjoyed it very much. Carl. The Time hunters

Famlavan wrote 779 days ago

Warlords of The Dreaming

I’m in awe at the immense imagination on this site and you have cranked this awe up another level.
Your narrative opening creates a sense of foreboding around the ritual and puts down a base to build the rest of the story. I think you have a real strength around character building that you make full use of. This is a very powerful fantasy, fiction story, very well told.

Burgio wrote 784 days ago

What an imaginative story. Good Characters. Good settings. A good read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

lizjrnm wrote 784 days ago

This should not have a red arrow!!! PAY ATTENTION AUTHONOMY. From what i have read so far you apparently have on ehell of an imagination and the talent for putting it into the written word. Well crafted and polished and BACKED with pleasure!

Liz
The Cheech Room

missyfleming_22 wrote 785 days ago

A great and vividly told story. The characters are unique and in my book that is great. Throw in the magical element and I'm always happy. It has a wonderful, magical feel to it. I enjoyed it!

Missy
Mark of Eternity

PatrickArmstead wrote 786 days ago

Hi Scott,

I loved your story. The characters you've created are so vivid and lively that they just jump off the page. The plot and conflicts are well planned, moving the suspense and the reader along at a steady pace. The dialogue is realistic and helps to demonstrate each characters personality. Very good jod indeed.

Backed 100%

Patrick Armstead
Dark Lands

meemers wrote 791 days ago

You have a great depth of characterization and a lyrical mystical prose. This should go far for you as the YA's love these delightful stories.

shelved
all the best
Fate's Chastening

Bamboo Promise wrote 802 days ago

Great book and great cover. I have read 7 chapters so far. I told my husband to read this book too. He usually refused, but this time, he cannot stop reading more chapters. This is a book we dream about. Backed with pleasure and Best Wish.

Bamboo Promise wrote 802 days ago

Scott! I read 7 chapters of your book. I told my husband he must read this book. Usually he says No, but now he can't stop. He likes it. Should I back your book? yes, I back yours with pleasure. Best Wish.

Bamboo Promise wrote 802 days ago

Scott! I read 7 chapters of your book. I told my husband he must read this book. Usually he says No, but now he can't stop. He likes it. Should I back your book? yes, I back yours with pleasure. Best Wish.

meemers wrote 803 days ago

This is not usually my kind of read, maybe second to the thriller's that I love, but you have a visual here that takes a person in and keeps them. Great prose, real characters and a flowing and compelling story. Keep up the good work.

Fate's Chastening

bonalibro wrote 813 days ago

My son is into this sort of thing, so I gave it to him to read.

He said it sounded cool to him so I'll go with that.

Ravenscar wrote 818 days ago

Hey,

Just read the first and part of the second chapter. This is brilliantly done high-fantasy. Demons, clashing kingdoms, political struggles, larger-than-life heroes. Your scenes are well set up and interesting and your characters have a great depth to them. This is my genre as well, as we've talked about, so I read carefully, giving nits and thoughts as I read. You can find them below. But I am very impressed.

Good start. Set a nice scene.

“…in almost arrogant indifference…” Real nitpicky, but is it really almost arrogant? Or are they just going about heir business? Does the queen think it’s almost arrogant? Is that why it’s written this way?

Great voice though. Polished.

“…was inscribed upon the stone floor.” Could also mean that the priests were inscribing the circle at that moment.

“A shame his fate is decided. He would…” This is nice. Establishes the queen’s character.

“…pleased with our efforts on your behalf.” I have the feeling this would sound even better if you cut out the “…on your behalf.”

I like the inner conflict. The political intrigue. The temple is delaying to show her the power that they hold.

“…thorn in her side.” This sounds a little cliché.

“And yet, there was a price…” This is all great background info. It’s fine the way it is, but I wonder if it wouldn’t pull the reader along more briskly if you split this into little chunks and wove it into the narrative as you went? Just a thought.

I like this summoning. It holds my interest nicely.

I also like that she thought she might have seen horns and a tail, but you make it seem as if it might have been her imagination. Nice subtle touch.

“…clutching at her insides…” Meh.

“…in the face of this great power.” I think you can end the sentence just before these words.

“The shadow moved, yet did not appear submissive.” I understand what your doing here, but at first read, the first part of the sentence did not seem to have anything to do with the second.

“A sound like the falling of a mountain shook…” Nice!

“…unearthly power and vitality surrounded him…” I wasn’t fond of this. It told me something, but didn’t show me. I’m not sure how you can see unhealthy power and vitality.

“The priest looked over to the circle…” This is great. I like this concept of a demon prowling around in a human body.

“…and her staff…” I thought this meant a physical staff, and was confused at first.



I read about halfway into the next chapter. I like Termaris. It’s a good scene.


Good luck to you, Scott. Let me know if any agents mention the length of your book as a sticking point.

Cheers!

Roberto Calas
The Beast of Maug Maurai

lionel25 wrote 826 days ago

Scott, good job on the prologue and first chapter. With the prologue, I have a few questions, which perhaps are answered later on in the book. How exactly did the youth lose consciousness? What happened to him after the creature left his body?

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

jtgradishar wrote 828 days ago

I like the early stages. Your prose is pretty clean and tells the story well. Your first chapter has a nice rhythm to it and ends on the right now. A good beginning, middle and end.

I often advise people to drop their prologues, but I think yours does the trick.

All in all, a good read. Backed!

Melcom wrote 830 days ago

This is stunning writing and I can't believe it's not higher in the charts, what does that tell us about Authonomy I wonder?

The beginning of your book conjured up images for the film 'SHE', from years ago, (oops showing my age again).

Great work, you held my interest which this genre doesn't usually do.

Congratulations, you mustn't give up on this.

Melxx
Impeding Justice

SRFire wrote 831 days ago

This is a fantastic fantasy. It should do really well here. Wishing you all the best of success, Sana

Salude El Dia wrote 860 days ago

I immediately was drawn to, and recognized the source of your style, which is steeped in the traditions of that bygone era - pulp fiction. This book has managed to differentiate itself from the dozens, if not hundreds of shallow imitators of the field: those who lack the narrative power, the creativity, and the ability to produce action so real that it transcends the printed word. I think that this book should be doing much better here, so I'm backing it.

Francis Albert McGrath wrote 871 days ago

I can see this doing very well with fantasy lovers everywhere, terrific imagination, mythical characters, and a strange other-worldly atmosphere. And the writing is not half bad either.
Backed.
Frank

CDV wrote 871 days ago

The prologue didn't draw me in, but the first chapter immediately drew me in because I was moved by Termaris's plight as a prisoner. The arrival of the priestess really upped the tension. I had some trouble keeping the numerous characters straight, but due to your elegant prose and competent pacing, I didn't mind wading through them. Overall a very enjoyable read.

C. Deanna Verhoff, The Wish Thief

bluewriter wrote 875 days ago

You were born to write fantasy. The writing is superb. I can't wait to read more. Backed.
Jenny

Cameron Sinclair wrote 875 days ago

I stumbled across this when I was looking for something else. I'm glad that I found it though. It is a well writen fantasy that is very enjoyable to read. I love this genre.
Backed.

Sheila Belshaw wrote 878 days ago

WARLORDS OF THE DREAMING GOD:

Scott,

Your love of this genre shines through in this delightful literary fantasy. I stand in awe of an author who can in their imagination create a world so original and fresh, and yet so steeped in myth and fable, with characters who have all our earthly emotions, yet give us a novel slant on life.

Backed with pleasure and my best wishes.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

B. J. Winters wrote 881 days ago

I'm not a big fan of prologues - but given the genre and the fact that this is fairly short, I think it does work in this case. As a reader I got some necessary information - and it's a better hook than your first chapter (waking up).

After getting a feel for the story, I chose chapter 9 to read at random. It was easy to follow the story even reading out of context. I liked that you opened by setting the scene and used dialogue to keep the pacing. I could feel the tension as they looked for shelter - and I liked that you used sound (e.g. roar of the blizzard, fire crackling) in addition to sight to set the scene. Good luck with this.

AlanMarling wrote 891 days ago

Dear Scott Foley,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Great title; I want to find out about the army of this Sleeping God. You waste no time portraying Ishana as ruthless, conniving and with predator impulses. I love how the striking of the circle of protection causes a sound like “a falling of a mountain”. You introduce Termaris with panache, and I immediately feel sympathetic for him and his “angry-bear” hangover. Very interesting idea that he must wear gauntlets at all times.

In my fallible opinion, you could make your story even stronger by trimming unnecessary words from your nouns and verbs. In your second sentence, you have “Thick clouds of incense choked”. You’ve chosen the right verbs and nouns here to imply “thick”. Cutting it will give your sentence further power.

This small matter aside, I enjoyed your story. Your greatest strength lies in your fantasy visuals. Bravo! Backed, and I hope to come back to read more.

Best wishes,
Alan Marling

Zehra Mustafa wrote 892 days ago

I was entirely submerged into the intricate world you have created it's all very exciting! Backed.

Zehra Mustafa wrote 892 days ago

I became entirely submerged into the intricate world you have created it's all very exciting! Backed.

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