Standing Up

Mark,

Whew, comedy is tough and writing about it is tougher. This story soars. Excellent work. The writing is witty but you don't overdo it just for laughs. Nevertheless, some of it is damn funny. (I love the analogy to miners: "I'd like to see one of them survive a vicious heckle.")

The first person narrative works well here, and you add depth with the relationship between Colin and his daughter Clementine. That scene at the comedy club in chapter three, with Clem in the audience, is brilliant. (I'm glad my fellow Americans and I are at least good for a laugh. I think that guy has waited on me here in NYC. :-)

This is a strong book and I'd buy it in a second.
I'm backing.
Best,
Mark

Mark,
I'm only four chapters in but feel like I already know this struggling comedian. I am acutely aware of him as a father too - I wonder/worry what my six year old will be like in five or six years time. This is really well written. Gentle dry wit to sledgehammer punchlines delivered with style and ease. I feel Colin's pre-stage nerves, I feel the audience's frustration and tension whilst waiting for a laugh, I feel Clem's embarrassment, love and pride for her father and, not being a professional writer or book critic, I can only judge a book on how it makes me feel. This one works. Great stuff, shelved!
Gary

Hi Mark,

This is funny. I’ve never thought about what life is like for a small time comedian. Now I know. You’ve painted a great picture, with wonderful characters. You write very well and your prose is captivating.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

I can see this being a very popular read. You impart the fragile desires of a 'wannabee' so well that it is easy to feel for him. You tell this with a strong voice using wit, acute observations and skilful writing. Lovers of comedy will not be disappointed.
I must confess I was a little bit tempted to skim Chpt.1 so that I could get to the dialogue where you really shine. So on my shelf for an original tale that left me wanting more!
North London is an old stamping ground of mine and I'm not surprised he 'died' in Crouch End!! Margaret.

This desrves to have done much better than it has. It seems that the taste for comedy on the Authonomy site is very limited, which is a pity, as comedy is often the hardest to write.

Philip John

This is on eof my favorite books on this site - so original and humorous and trendy! Well crafted and polished! BACKED

Liz
The Cheech Room

Mark

I enjoyed this very much - great idea for an opening. Tension built up nicely and witty. I wanted more! I want to experience every last second of his dying stand-up and the degenerating audience reactions. I think you can push it. Also needs more of a sense of place, perhaps? (Could add character to the Crouch End bar, office, etc).

These are quibbles. Am backing as it's so entertaining. Grateful if you could take a look at my own attempt at (black) humour.

Good luck
B Eavis

This is a good subject to cover. This is some outstanding work that takes a look into the world of comedy. There are so many good things about the plot and the characters are easy to like too. I had to read this when I saw it under the "Pitch Me" feature, and glad I did :D

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

tough subject and genre brilliantly written...on the shelf

Standing Up

Hi Mark, This is great and boy are those jokes crap. He dies on stage, but not before he has intrigued us with his worries, his inadequacies and his whole triumph of hope over experience approach to life. The writing is clever and funny and this is no easy trick to pull off, you do it in style - Andrew W.

Hello Mark,

Great first two chapters. Full of witty lines and hilarious characters. The dialogue is effective and your descriptions are vivid. And I see an unfolding plot that promises to keep the reader hooked with every succeeding chapter. This is a well-written story that flows smoothly.

All the best.

Janvier (FLASH OF THE SUN)

I competed in something called After Dinner Speaking for speech and debate. It's a speech intended to be funny, but usually going without laughs. That was the closest I got to being a comedian and it is all about perfecting your voice and stage presence and audience. You encompass all of these hurtles well in your writing to let the reader know its not just about being funny, just like what we do is not just about writing, it takes work, effort, and a lot of frustration, but we keep doing it.

I did notice while reading that it was difficult to pay attention at times to the narrator and his descriptions because of the longer paragraphs. I would suggest breaking it up and possibly adding a little more dialogue, but not much. Besides that, good work. Shelved.
Later days,
Kenny

Hi Mark, painfully funny first chapter. Shades of Ricky Gervais in here, a cheerful loser making his way through the ranks. One of my friends is embarking on a stand-up career and a lot of this rings very true, both from his own stories of events and my own observations of comedy nights. Particularly the professional jealousy, goodness me it's worse than bloody writers! It's so rich when it comes to comic situations, and for the record I liked the "shit on the floor" joke.

All the best, glad to shelve. I'll plug this with a thread entitled, "Stop me if you've heard this one..."

P

Hi Gordon

I'm only here to garner comments and yours are as welcome as anyone else's. Reading is entirely subjective and no writer can please all of the readers all of the time. Which is not to say that your critique is not valid, but having had around 87 extremely positive comments out of 92, like any performer, I'll go where the love is! Seriously, I will consider your remarks and take them into account, as appropriate, along with the others I have received, when doing my next draft.

I'm just reading yours at the moment - hope to comment later.

Regards

Mark

Dear Mark,

As with all comedy, you have the people who love it and the people who don't. You seem to have attracted a lot of the former, as evidenced by their comments. However encouraging that may be, it doesn't help you improve your MS any.

This is a difficult book to critique, because it's a supposed comedy that is very sad. Also because a great part of the action is in the MC's mind and feelings. So conventional wisdom about lack of action has to be tempered here.

Having said that, I still think you need to do a serious edit, especially of the first chapter. Others have mentioned the excess of material about the competing comedians. You could go through and find your best two or three lines about each one, and cut the rest.

You also need to develop the ability to handle back story. The whole thing about Jane, for example. Have you considered doing it in flashback? Have you considered getting really creative and doing the flashback as a comedy routine that he runs in his head?

At Ch 7, when you finally get to the story, it's still all in the past, therefore one level removed from the reader. It's only when you get to the actual "first date", that the narrative comes alive. Even here, a lot of long paragraphs with inner thoughts, some very witty, some very touching, but still in need of tightening.

I love his relationship with Clem. It's beautifully-written, and is the central part of the story, as she is the central part of his life. (Interesting that his relationship with her sounds so much like his former relationship with Jane.) So it needs to be Chapter 2. The present Ch2 is all backstory. The pertinent information could probably be broken into 5 or 6 paragraphs and slipped into the rest of the story at appropriate moments.

Treat your novel as a comic routine: write thirty jokes, cut twenty of them, and polish the other ten for the final product :-)

This story has great potential. Good luck with it.

Dear Mark,

As with all comedy, you have the people who love it and the people who don't. You seem to have attracted a lot of the former, as evidenced by their comments. However encouraging that may be, it doesn't help you improve your MS any.

This is a difficult book to critique, because it's a supposed comedy that is very sad. Also because a great part of the action is in the MC's mind and feelings. So conventional wisdom about lack of action has to be tempered here.

Having said that, I still think you need to do a serious edit, especially of the first chapter. Others have mentioned the excess of material about the competing comedians. You could go through and find your best two or three lines about each one, and cut the rest.

You also need to develop the ability to handle back story. The whole thing about Jane, for example. Have you considered doing it in flashback? Have you considered getting really creative and doing the flashback as a comedy routine that he runs in his head?

At Ch 7, when you finally get to the story, it's still all in the past, therefore one level removed from the reader. It's only when you get to the actual "first date", that the narrative comes alive. Even here, a lot of long paragraphs with inner thoughts, some very witty, some very touching, but still in need of tightening.

I love his relationship with Clem. It's beautifully-written, and is the central part of the story, as she is the central part of his life. (Interesting that his relationship with her sounds so much like his former relationship with Jane.) So it needs to be Chapter 2. The present Ch2 is all backstory. The pertinent information could probably be broken into 5 or 6 paragraphs and slipped into the rest of the story at appropriate moments.

Treat your novel as a comic routine: write thirty jokes, cut twenty of them, and polish the other ten for the final product :-)

This story has great potential. Good luck with it.

Mark, this is really good stuff. I decided to read it because a friend of mine is a 'part-time' stand-up comic.

But what makes this work special is the depth of the relationship between father and daughter. If I were an agent reading your partial, I'd ask for a full. Just wish I had time to read all you've posted.

Shelved without a qualm.

I do need your help. Help! There's a section in my c.2, after the newspaper article, which I want to be funnier than it is. I can do funny, but only when I'm not trying. Any help you can give me with that section would be truly appreciated.

Cheers,
Sheryl (backing optional)

What a refreshing read - unambitious solicitor says it all for me, or a lot, I've been there a little (though not as a lawyer). Dying on the circuit is a good opener - only maybe a little more show would be a good idea. I loved the interactions with brother Piers and daughter Clementine - she's v. much a today person. I've more to read - I want it by the bed so I can smile as I pop off to sleep, but for now, it's definitely up on the shelf. Good luck and hope you like Rudi in Weimar Vibes. Phil

Mark,
I'm only four chapters in but feel like I already know this struggling comedian. I am acutely aware of him as a father too - I wonder/worry what my six year old will be like in five or six years time. This is really well written. Gentle dry wit to sledgehammer punchlines delivered with style and ease. I feel Colin's pre-stage nerves, I feel the audience's frustration and tension whilst waiting for a laugh, I feel Clem's embarrassment, love and pride for her father and, not being a professional writer or book critic, I can only judge a book on how it makes me feel. This one works. Great stuff, shelved!
Gary

Mark
I read the first 2 chapters. Fabulous! A great start to the book and I liked the hook at the end of chapter 1, so we have to read on to find out that you ran out like a scalded cat instead of saying g'night. Excellent.
If your story is as good as the humour, I see this as a success. The new David Baddiel, I suspect.
Shelved.
Chris (I Dare You)

Hi Mark, i

I'm very pleased to have found this, it's really funny and I love your character....I can feel his pain!!

It's very easy to read and has a good rythm to it. I'm backing it and will be coming back for more as I want to find out what happens..

Frances

Mark,

Whew, comedy is tough and writing about it is tougher. This story soars. Excellent work. The writing is witty but you don't overdo it just for laughs. Nevertheless, some of it is damn funny. (I love the analogy to miners: "I'd like to see one of them survive a vicious heckle.")

The first person narrative works well here, and you add depth with the relationship between Colin and his daughter Clementine. That scene at the comedy club in chapter three, with Clem in the audience, is brilliant. (I'm glad my fellow Americans and I are at least good for a laugh. I think that guy has waited on me here in NYC. :-)

This is a strong book and I'd buy it in a second.
I'm backing.
Best,
Mark

I had a friend who very painfully went through many of the situations you present here, and attending his standup gigs were just as painful. Colin (or he who writes his jokes and dialogue) has a lot more talent, but the situations ring true and you present them with panache.
Fun story.

Mark, this is riveting! I certainly didn't expect to be drawn in the way I am. Have read 5 chapters already! You have style, and your commentary regarding Colin's situations is cleverly woven. By the end of ch1 I was completely on his side and wanted to find out what happens next. Clem is spot on, Mum and Dad are brilliant...and now there is Jane. Will he or won't he? If this was a book in my hands, I'd read to the end.

Standing Up deserves support. Shelved.

All the best
Elaina
Gathering of Rain

How ironic, a bit like authonomy ‘No easy routes to the top, that you had to put in the time. I think we are unpaid workers here!
‘Ignorant Bastards!’ I think that’s what I would have said on the first gig.
Anyway it made me laugh ‘Where was I supposed to shit, on the floor?’ Love it!
Backed

Hi Mark,

This is funny. I’ve never thought about what life is like for a small time comedian. Now I know. You’ve painted a great picture, with wonderful characters. You write very well and your prose is captivating.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

I can see this being a very popular read. You impart the fragile desires of a 'wannabee' so well that it is easy to feel for him. You tell this with a strong voice using wit, acute observations and skilful writing. Lovers of comedy will not be disappointed.
I must confess I was a little bit tempted to skim Chpt.1 so that I could get to the dialogue where you really shine. So on my shelf for an original tale that left me wanting more!
North London is an old stamping ground of mine and I'm not surprised he 'died' in Crouch End!! Margaret.

Love the contrast of the comics abilities - it's funny. What a rotten ending to chapter one. For the comic I mean. I imagined what would go through my mind. Much of what he thinks would run through my head - will the guy ever get off stage, but you could also have him going through his routine more - in a vague sort of way. Love how he rationalizes his performance in ch two as well as finding out more about him. Life of a comic. Sounds tough. Don't think I could do it, but that's what makes this so nice - I can life it vicariously.

Looking at Barb's comments - I'm not sure if 50 to 70% should be dialogue - maybe she's right. But I had the same impression. It could use more dialogue early on. Even if it's internal dialogue. One thing you could do is break the paragraphs down into smaller chunks as he internally speaks to himself. Still, I like it and want to read more of it. Shelved. Best of luck, KJ

Hi Mark,

I'm here to help push you toward 100! Shouldn't be a problem--the book's pretty darn good!

You have a flair for really good, entertaining narrative--the kind that's fun to read because it includes such good description. And the comedy angle--fun! Loved the daughter--thankfully mine aren't quite that snippy but I know some who are!

I've heard it said that books should be 50-70% dialogue and this is where I think yours could improve. The opening needs a little more action to hold the reader through those long passages of narrative. Entertaining as they are, they don't grab a reader like dialogue would.

Great characterization, excellent description and dialogue, and a promising, fun storyline. Happy to shelve. ~Barb (Whispers through the Aspens)

Mark

this is an interesting an unusual book, and I'm finding it very funny. The characters are very strong, descriptions are good and there's a real sense of panic in chapter 1. Loved the 'should have said good night' line.

good luck
shelved
charlie

Hi Mark, I enjoyed reading this although I found the long introductions to the characters a little tedious. It is well written and fun to read; good sense of comedy. I am shelving this. Please take some time to read A Matter of Face. Bruce

This is great - edgy, tense. I love comedy, but always squirm inside at the thought of the raw nerve it must take to get up there and coax gales of laughter from a bunch of c***s! A thoroughly enjoyable read - I'm more than happy to give it a spell on my shelf.

Rikki

There's something inherently funny about someone funny writing about someone who isn't. I hope you get your head around that mangled compliment. This is a hilarious story whose theme I haven't really seen in book form before now. I don't know why. Your protagonist is instantly engaging and I actually felt myself get nervous when he clambered up on stage. This could have so easily been a dud but the fact that you yourself are undoubtedly a talented and witty writer means that the prose skips along through its myriad of excellent one-liners. Excellent job.

Okay, maybe I don't like the old Jane. the new one is hopefully better than the slutty old one. And I'm babbling. But I really like this, so it's taking a whirl on my shelf.
Only nitpick. The graphs, IMO, need to be broken up a little. Sometimes it's hard to read. But good.
:) Sarah

Yay! Jane. I already like her.
This is good.
On to chap. 5.
:) sarah

Mark,

Fumbling for the keys at the front door in a blizzard...I see you’ve met my wife :-/ Good delivery here, Mark. Had me tied to the screen reading for longer than I’d planned to. I’m putting that down to a combination of style, voice, structure and content – all balanced ver nicely indeed. The end of chapter prompts worked well for me.

This definately fits well into the comedy / pop culture cross. It’s entertaining, witty, observant – even sage, at times – and I’ll gladly back this quality of work.

Best of luck.

--Jack Ramsay (Brogan's Crossing)

I think you perfectly capture the torment and addictive nature of trying to be funny for a living. I want to read some more of this, but you've made a great start with an interesting premise. Will back it

Dear Mark.

'Standing Up' is the funniest read on the Autonomy site, and already one of my favourites. It's like a more irreverent version of Bill Bryson. It's well observed, intelligent writing and your command of the language is excellent. The book brings back vivid, painful memories of London's Comedy Store.

A season ticket for Vicarage Road? — a rich source of comedic inspiration there, Mark!. Actually this is strange, I live in East Barnet.

If I'd found this book on the shelf in Waterstones and read the first page or two I would have taken it to the till.

Happily backed.

Michael Ashley Torrington, author, 'Kristin.'

Dear Mark.

'Standing Up' is the funniest read on the Autonomy site, and already one of my favourites. It's like a more irreverent version of Bill Bryson. It's well observed, intelligent writing and your command of the language is excellent. The book brings back vivid, painful memories of London's Comedy Store.

A season ticket for Vicarage Road? — a rich source of comedic inspiration there, Mark!. Actually this is strange, I live in East Barnet.

If I'd found this book on the shelf in Waterstones and read the first page or two I would have taken it to the till.

Happily backed.

Michael Ashley Torrington, author, 'Kristin.'

This rang bells for me. I have died on stage like Colin Moran in the first chapter, I didn't say good night when I should have either. You live and learn. I enjoyed it, I empathised and er, I've backed it. Great stuff and exactly what I've always believed it would be like if I'd ever got to the small time and met some comedians.

Cheers

Mary McGuire
(Few are Chosen)

Mark, I like this enough to back it.

Hi Mike
There is some good comedy in this, and your pitch outlined a story I'd be interested to read. I have to admit that your opening chapters didn't deliver for me though.

I think I warned you that I can be a tough critic, and it may just be that I'm not your target audience, after all I see you have many supportive comments. The following feedback is only intended to help, if no one else has mentioned any of this, ignore me – it's personal opinion, provided in case it's useful to you.

I think you need a stronger start. Chapter one is amusing, but takes too long on setting the scene and didn't deliver enough action to hook me. I liked Colin, could empathise with him, but I wasn't intrigued and in a bookshop, this would have gone back on the shelf I'm afraid. Chapter one ends on a good hook, but that was the first bit of narrative tension I'd spotted. The rest was observational humour – good, but not what I buy a book for. I was then disappointed that chapter two showed it hadn't been narrative tension, just irony.

Your prose is smooth and the voice believable. I did wonder about the use of cliché though, one or two will pass for ironic humour, but the number you use did draw my attention. Colin needs to be interesting for me to 'listen' to, to have a fresh voice, even if it is obvious why he isn't currently succeeding at comedy.

And I'm certain that comedy is something you know more about that me. I do know that pace and timing are important though, and making your narrative a little on the slow side isn't helping with the humour of it. You introduce the names of several other comedians, when what I really want is to be getting to know Colin. I loved the bit about him bleeding on the stage – that's the kind of characterisation and pace I was hoping for.

Nit picking: when you say 'Hume was on his lap of honour', don't you mean Colvin – aren't we still at that gig? It wasn't clear that Hume was there on that night, the reference to him seemed to be flashback.
One typo: 'Clem (came) over from the kitchen' in chapter three? Oh, and did you mean 'said Wilson fatly' in chapter three, or flatly?

I read quickly through a couple more chapters to see if I had any other comments to make, but I'm afraid it still didn't grip me (until the end of chapter three, when you have another of those good hooks, hope you do deliver on that one). If you are interested in my advice, I'd say trim out the backstory and up the pace. Trim the narrative too eg you don’t need both always and every in the sentence which starts the really long paragraph in chapter two. And think about the conflict and tension of your story, make sure the reader always has a reason to read on.

You do have a gift for dialogue and amusing observations, I liked the characters of Colin and Clem, and the basic plot idea did interest me. I just think it needs some work. Sorry I wasn't able to be more positive.

Good luck
K

Mark,

I have to say I'm stunned to realize comedians are a lot like writers. We all sneer at the "sell-outs" who make it big, while secretly praying to join the inner circle. We also fear "dying on stage". Colin is so likeable. He's the every man kind of hero, real and recognizable. You've captured him well.

The rest of his thoughts were pure gold. I think I knew those things on some level, but you do such a good job of explaining it in Colin's voice.

On my shelf,

ML

quirky in the quoditian... love that!

shelved. Read more after I heard from my computer guy today ;)

Gina

This is so funny and real. You really know teen-age girls, don't you. Dialogue is perfect. And we both have the same penchant for summary and meditation--which I get lots of complaints about. I have to admit I really started enjoying it and not just appreciating it when I got to Chapter 3. I am doing this. Taking all my beginning summary and exposition chopping it up and inserting it when the plot gets more active. The only real suggestion I have, if you keep the first chapter like it is, is the "shaking like a leaf" cliche which is dissected a few minutes later. An agent might stop reading right there. Can you move the funny deconstruction part to right after the cliche, perhaps? I will keep reading.

Backed without hesitation, this is entertaining and funny and far, far better than most novels published by actual comedians (see books by Dominic Holland, Harry Hill, Hugh Laurie... or, rather, don't).

The sections I read rung true and have all sorts of cross-the-board appeal, and I particularly like the self-pitying comparison he makes with miners in the first chapter (they have such an easy life don't they? Those coal miners...)

Bit of a sadistic touch though, making him a Watford fan. Still, could have been worse. Could be Luton.
Al

Hi Mark: I read it all and it's really good. A poignant portrayal of a man in crisis feeling beaten down by life, deadened by his day-job, a lawyer of all things, and gaining courage by inches to change his life and pursue a new dream to be a stand-up comedien. The fact that he has to face discouragement and low self-esteem and yet doggedly does so makes him a strong, admirable character. A wonderful contemporary story that should be published and I'm sure it will be.

Oh you write so well the tortured life of a stand-up comedian desperate to make it out of the same old same old open mike nights and smalltime clubs. As a reader we sympathise with Colin, but that does not stop us squirming with embarrassment when things go wrong. You write in a very contemporary way, and the writing just flows off the page, liberally laced with humour and intelligence. Shelved.

Such an achievement, this. You pull me into this world, and you won't release me! Exceptional! I surrender!

You write with amazing reality. This leaps out at me. It lives. It's certainly from the real world. The dialogue just oozes of today, of now. I can hear these people. I can see them. It's time for a stand-up movie. Lennie Bruce was ages ago.

Gut wrenching, at times. Belly laughs too. So akin to fringe theatre, my world. Same highs and lows. Same motivations. Same types. Love to engross myself in this stuff. If you can't do it (at the moment) then read about it, eh?

That you do this stuff, in life, is so fucking obvious. No 'what would it be like' about this. Just jumps up and smacks me in the face! Compelling!

Okay ... I'm a fan. Such a fan. And you're gigging soon, right? Do let me know the details. Got some great heckles for ya! No, seriously, I'd love to see you in action.

This should reach bigger and better shelves than mine, it really should. And I so hope it does. It deserves to succeed. And you know what? I am convinced it will.

James

Read the rest at lunchtime! It's really good. Some suggestions:

Tidy the text out a bit. It's fine in a book, but on these pages I think you need to reconsider the presentation.
Just have a once-over for typos etc. There are a few (by the way, last one I noticed was missing word before 'C5' just near the end, when Jane is speaking).
Have another once over for readability of some of the sentences. I sometimes got a bit lost in the structure and had to re-read a couple of words to check the meaning. Can't be specific anymore, but just make it 'snappier' ; leaner?

Overall, I'm sure that this is damn good. I'm putting up a thread in Manuscripts for you. This could be a winner... BUT...
where's the rest of it?? ;)

You've definitely got comic talent and this is consistently funny. Rapid-fire gags delivered in a way that doesn't hamper the excellent characterisation, scene-setting and emotional content. Very interesting insight into a comedian's mind too - you don't really envy 9-5-ers do you?! This deserves to get high in the Authonomy rankings and I'm doing my bit to help it along - shelved. "The tepid dregs of Jonathan Ross" - love it!

Lisel
Isis In Crisis

Hi

A few 'noticeables' first;
'feotid' ? fetid?
'peurile' purile?

her searingly on the apposite criticisms...? Just don't get that at all.
It was a Thursday. What was? Not 'today' - do you mean when everything was right with the world? Confusing.

Only an 's' between laughter and slaughter. Love it.
Actually... I've got goosebumps now reading this as he's about to go on stage in front of his daughter. Nice going!

OK. Gotta go to work (already late because I wanted to read just a little more, but got as far as chapter 4. I love it.

Shelved

Luke Warm

Hi Mark,

I go to quite a lot of comedy nights and enjoyed your view from the other side of the microphone. Please find below a few notes.

Obvious logic fault early on … surely a season ticket for Watford would give you plenty to make fun of! ;o)

Sorry to be a Grammar Fascist but drop the bracket, if a thing is worth saying then work it into the text.

“Comics don’t do grey areas”, a brilliant line!

All in all, an enjoyable read … shelved.

I've read all eight uploaded chapters, Mark, which shows that this drew me in and kept my attention! It's a mixture of funny and sad that worked well for me. You have a fine hand at clever phrases. "I hated slow days, much like I hated every day, except that they were slower", and "kept us together like crumbling grout", to choose two of many. I did find some of the paragraphs seemed very long, though I think reading online accentuates that.

Colin's relationship with Clem is very well done. I thought you might be going to make her just a whiny teen, but the real affection she has for her dad, buried deeply though it is, was very moving. I honestly had no idea how she'd react at the comedy gig, and was delighted with her reaction. The mounting tension in that chapter is very effective.

Poor Colin reminds me of David Brent in "The Office", but without the self-delusion. I actually find him quite lovable, while at the same time thinking he needs a good shaking (or perhaps something less readily described in polite company).

I like this.

Shelved.

Hi Mark,

I really like the premise of your story and the clever wit and easy flow of words with which you write. I like Colin and hate the other comics that look down on him for his holding down a day job and not devoting his entire life to stand-up...it's not easy doing things on the side...comedy, writing...but I digress...

My only suggestion would be that I had trouble following along with all the people you introduced right away in chapter one. I was trying to figure out Colin but was distracted by the long explanations of the other comics and had to re-read a couple of places just to be sure I wasn't confusing everyone. I also thought some of the paragraphs were super long and I began to lose focus in the middle of some. With the writing being so witty, perhaps smaller paragraphs would let us digest the humor and irony a bit better.

That being said, I really enjoyed the two chapters I read and will be back for some more when my own life gets too serious! Best of luck.

Johanna
Scream Out Loud