Book Jacket

 

rank 3740
word count 10881
date submitted 01.05.2009
date updated 02.05.2009
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Comedy, Crime
classification: moderate
incomplete

It Ain't No Bull

Louisa Swann

Have you faced your fear today? J.J. Colton did. And now she has to pay the price...

 

J.J. Colton's got this fear thing licked. After all, she's a rodeo clown with Baditude, a required trait when the one clowning around is a bullfighter – and a woman. She can’t afford to show weakness to the cowboys or to the bulls. So when UPS delivers an over-sized gift that turns out to be J.J’s dead uncle, aka Sparky the clown, she meets the challenge head on, charging out of the chute to match wit and skills with the detective assigned to her dead uncle's case. The same detective who got her brother killed. Bodies drop like overgrown cow pies and no one can find the killer unofficially dubbed “slippery as bull snot.” J.J.'s not surprised. After all, the “defective” in charge of the investigation has a rotten track record. So, she conducts her own investigation and uncovers the psycho's hideous plan: Not only is he out to rid the world of all monsters and misfits, especially clowns and crippled idiots, his next targets are the physically challenged kids in the rodeo's special program. And J.J. has less than twenty-four hours to stop him.

 
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tags

animals, humor, murder, mystery, nevada, rodeo, suspense

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25 comments

 

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Jayboid wrote 624 days ago

A very interesting and well written story. You are quite adept at the cliff-hanger. It drags the reader into the next chapter. Good luck with your story. I'm backing it.

Jay Squires
"Eddie and the Boxcar Painter"
"Keeping Score"

Burgio wrote 775 days ago

Ths is a good story: a look into the inner workings of a rodeo. JJ is a great main character because how often do you get to meet a rodeo clown? The way you've put a "ticking clock" into the story - JJ must solve this mystery in 24 hours - revs up the tension level and keeps it there. Makes it a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

JANVIER wrote 1033 days ago

Hello Louisa,
You have a brilliant riveting read here that starts with a jolt and revealed witty, insightful and hilarious lines. Well observed. It deserved its spot on my shelf.
All the best.

Janvier (Flash of the Sun)

SwannGang wrote 1060 days ago

Thanks for the comments. I appreciate the read!

Take care,

Louisa

Louisa
Some fabulous lines e.g "to add insult to sunburn" which is my favorite.
The sentence starting "The boy..." is too long. I had to read it twice to make sense of it. When you write, be kind to your reader.
Way to go[:] out with a bang - at least something is needed here, because it doesn't make sense otherwise.

Overall, your writing is just great. I also like the way you start and finish chapters (form the 2 I read). The start of chap 2 made me laugh. Your endings have classic thriller hooks. I guess if I was to pick on something it would be the start of the book. It's well written, but a little passive. You could start it with "Next time we ain't holding back." and then give us the descriptive into. Just a thought.

Good work. It's shelved.
Chris (I Dare You)

ChrisX wrote 1060 days ago

Louisa
Some fabulous lines e.g "to add insult to sunburn" which is my favorite.
The sentence starting "The boy..." is too long. I had to read it twice to make sense of it. When you write, be kind to your reader.
Way to go[:] out with a bang - at least something is needed here, because it doesn't make sense otherwise.

Overall, your writing is just great. I also like the way you start and finish chapters (form the 2 I read). The start of chap 2 made me laugh. Your endings have classic thriller hooks. I guess if I was to pick on something it would be the start of the book. It's well written, but a little passive. You could start it with "Next time we ain't holding back." and then give us the descriptive into. Just a thought.

Good work. It's shelved.
Chris (I Dare You)

Suzanne Adams wrote 1066 days ago

This is very entertaining, hugely imaginative and well done.

Paolito wrote 1066 days ago

This is delightful. I love your sense of humour. A very engaging story which promises to combine humour and suspense. Don't think I could do it, but you do it really well. Shelved, of course.

No nits, either.

Cheers,
Sheryl (comment on mine? backing optional)

Heidi Mannan wrote 1076 days ago

Louisa,

I love your pitch. It tells enough to interest; I was hooked at pitch point. J.J. is an excellent character. She's a doer--love her.

I enjoyed your humor. I love humor in books as long as its well written and not corny. The narrative voice was strong and original. You've got my vote. I'd like to see this do well. Will shelve it at my next shelf shuffle.

Heidi
Turning Red

KarlV wrote 1105 days ago

Hooked me in, caught me up, made me want to read more. I like the narrative voice - it draws me in. An interesting idea that is well written and fun as well. I'll read on.

SwannGang wrote 1106 days ago

Thanks for the "catch"! Seems like no matter how many times I look for typos, something always sneaks through! Glad you liked the read.

Take care,

Louisa

Bren Verrill wrote 1106 days ago

I thoroughly enjoyed this. Clowns and menace often go together, but not often in this way: clowns being menaced by an androgynous young man with a hatred for misfits. I was sorry when Dave copped it in chapter 1, although, with respect, I knew as soon as I found out this was his last day at work before retiring that something bad was going to happen to him. :) My conviction wasn’t altered by the arrival of the yummy donuts. By that time, though, I was gripped. I thought the donuts must be poisoned, so it was a bit of a surprise to find Dave being suffocated to death.

Chapter 2 introduces us to your protagonist, JJ Colton, a thoroughly likeable young lady who just happens to have fallen in a cow-pat.

Only one typo I could see: Chapter 2 – “lightening split the sky” – should be “lightning”.

Anyway, this is a great novel and you’ve got a very strong narrative voice. Bookshelved.

SwannGang wrote 1107 days ago

LOL! I've got to say I started to cringe when I started to read your comment! Then you picked me back up, dusted me off, and set me back on my feet! I'm glad you liked the read (strange American accent and all :<) and will get more up as soon as I can (which will probably be the beginning of the week).

Take care,

Louisa

Phil B wrote 1107 days ago

Hi Louisa
I'm a scotsman from edinburgh living near London so the life you describe is totally alien to me. I can't stand clowns and don't understand rodeo and 'good ole boys' generally leave me cold. But - I love this, your writing is distinctive and evocative I can 'taste the dirt on my teeth', smell the grease paint and the rest and i feel myself reading with a strange american accent. You have developed a great voice and your eye for dialogue is brilliant. Great images 'bones held together with tissue paper' make the whole thing completely three dimensional and leap off the page. I must admit I stumbled on this on a friend's bookshelf but i'm glad I did. I was so wrapped up in it i forgot to look for any issues. On my shelf so I can read on.
Yee ha
Phil B (The Human Harvest)

SwannGang wrote 1108 days ago

Thanks for catching the "oopsies"! Glad you liked the read. I appreciate your time and comments.

Take care,

Louisa

AnnabelleP wrote 1108 days ago

Hi there,
Your book is on my shelf ;-)
This is right up my street - as you will see on my profile, horses are my passion as are cowboys! This is well written and engrossing, I have kept reading and will read more. I really do have nothing to nit-pick - I will continue further and come back with a sensible comment! So shelved!
Bests,
AnnabelleP
(Adelaide Short)

tojo wrote 1109 days ago

Will not waffle on. with this work no need, as good as many better than most. you do not have pen, it's a rapier. (backed by me)

sestius wrote 1109 days ago

Oh yes. Clowns. Murder. Donuts. What's not to like here, m'dear? There was a wicked story in 2000AD many years ago about a psychotic clown, and it was one of the best things I've ever read. This reminded me of that, although clearly the stories are very different. Here are my random thoughts, as they occurred:

- "a rodeo clown with Baditude": love it;
- in your long pitch"hideous plan; [N]ot": need lower case 'n';
- "hot air swooped through": lovely imagery;
- "to add insult to sunburn" / "both knew there wasn't going to be a next time for Sparky the Clown": love these lines;
- "[Like] he could afford": needs to read 'as if';
- "Ad[d]ams Family": need the extra 'd', I think;
- "there were folks in the world who just plain didn't like clowns": you have a great voice in this, m'dear.

A lovely, sinister opening, perfectly paced, that would certainly have me reading on in the 'real' world. A moment on the shelf. Best of luck with it - sestius

Karen Bessey Pease wrote 1112 days ago

Hey, Louisa!

Excellent writing! Great story! I'm hooked, and can't wait to read on! (I've finished four chapters so far, but need to get back to my own writing, so thought I'd drop you a line now.)

Absolutely tickled to put your novel on my shelf. I saw a couple of mistakes/typos (take/taking) but nothing a quick edit won't fix. It's apparent that you know how to tell a story. I feel like I'm reading a published book-- and I have to admit to feeling a bit nostalgic. I was one of those girls in 'Horse 4-H' and bought my own Appaloosa when I was fourteen. I could smell the smells of the barn and the county fair (and as a small farmer, I STILL get to smell the cow pies!! ha!) So thanks for an engaging read.

I wish you much success, and hope you'll sign my copy of It Ain't No Bull when you are published! Take care.

Karen

lynn clayton wrote 1112 days ago

Louisa, compelling plot; great, humorous dialogue; characterisation that engages and makes you want to know more; it's got all the elements, hasn't it? Extremely well done. An accomplished piece of work. Most important, made me laugh. Backing it. Thanks,
Lynn

SwannGang wrote 1113 days ago

Jack - thanks for the great comments. I really appreciate the thoughtful insights you provide and will check on those items you mentioned (I probably had "shoots or leaves" in my eyes while writing :<}) As far as being a professional - I've had severeral short stories published, but no novels to date. Working hard on remedying that point! Thanks again and take care.

Louisa
(Hope this gets to the right place - I'm still trying to figure out how to navigate through everything "authonomy"!

Ayrich wrote 1114 days ago

Dealing with your brothers death while under the onslaught of a bull makes for a bad few minutes.
I saw the darkside of a bulls under belly once. That was a bad few seconds too. An awful long few seconds.
You captured the rodeo circut people really well. they're an interesting bunch.
Nice work

Jack Ramsay wrote 1114 days ago

Louisa,

I intended to simply thank you for your comments on Brogan’s, but I read your pitch, then read a few paragraphs...then I’m in chapter 4! Heh – it takes great writing to get me to do that.

First, it’s a fantastic pitch – the premise is huge for me. It’s interesting, intriguing and if anyone reads this pitch and doesn’t buy your book when it’s published, he needs to see a doctor.

The opening scene with the greasepaint reminded me of Will Elliot’s ‘Pilo Family Circus’ - that’s a cracker, too, by the way - but you quickly establish your uniqueness of voice and story – and what a magnificent combination that is! Sassy, cynical...highly entertaining.

You’ve a ton of great lines – ‘...two Sparkies if he leaned too far to the right.’ for example; ‘semi-private room in a nuthouse’, ‘phantom hair syndrome’, etc. That’s just the first chapter. The following chapters are equally well-endowed: ‘clown condo’, ‘the dark side of a bull’s belly’, ‘flatter than a cow pie and twice as soggy’, etc. In context, very very witty.

The character exposition in the opening paragraphs of ch1 is superb. Subtle, clever, pitched just right. The same can be said of JJ’s character reveal in 2, 3 and 4. Just enough backstory - and what b/story you have, you've made interesting.

And the dialogue throughout is excellent – in character, exposing just enough, natural. Some of the best I’ve seen, in fact.

Tiny suggestion (thank Lynne Truss of ‘Eats, Shoots & Leaves’) – ‘...fifty-eight year’s...’ should really be years’ – but that’s minor. As is ‘box-size space’ – try box-sized space (but, bear in mind I’m a Scotsman: if this is genuinely acceptable grammar / spelling in the US, please ignore me). Oh, and in ch 4 - a ‘chopper helicopter’...I’d use either or, but you’ll know your ms better than I do.

‘Dave flinched at the sour breath warm against his cheek.’ What a powerful sentence that is – an excellent example of show, don’t tell; and a great example of describing using the senses to bring your characters alive – fear, shock, smell, touch...superb. And the attention to detail, character choreography, is stunningly good.

Like any good writer, you’ve sussed out the hook and prompt issue – the end of ch1 compels me to open up ch 2. Same from 2 to 3 and 3 to 4. Well done. Heck, you’ve even mastered the art of viewpoint writing...are you a pro? If you’re not already, you will be soon.

I loved this sample and, without a second’s hesitation, I’ll back it. It’s clean, it’s sassy, it’s humorous, it’s entertaining. And it’s bloody well-written. Hurrah! On my shelf and staying there. :)

Best of luck,

--Jack Ramsay (Brogan's Crossing)

shelleyflower wrote 1116 days ago

This is one of my favorite books! I love how you take me inside the rodeo scene and keep me turning pages.

Davidwestover wrote 1117 days ago

Sounds like a fun tale, Louisa. Can't wait for you to get the chapters up.
Good luck with it,
David

SwannGang wrote 1119 days ago

Am posting chapters as quickly as I can get them converted. The full book will eventually be posted.

Thanks!

Louisa

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