From Sublime to the Ridiculous (shorts)

Interesting book I've read bits and pieces of it. Enjoyed what I've read. I'm not into criticing books. So, I leave it at that.

Ok you are being cheeky to impersonate a priapic male , but I think you have done it very well and your first story is very amusing . I think internet dating is becoming the single most common experience for singletons, to be honest you cant fail with it as a topic . Watchlisted and starred. Would you be able to look at the first chapter of my novel 'A Buccaneer' which is set amongst Pirates in the 17th century , with best wishes from Strachan Gordon

Hi there,

Just had a quick read of the first story. I enjoyed it, kind of makes me tempted to return to the immediacy of short stories. My novel is proving a slog. I'll keep you on my Watchlist and check out a few more stories when time allows.

Shiny

Well written and very entertaining. Your book is on my watchlist awaiting promotion. six stars have been awarded and I wish you the best of luck. Yours Bea

l love short-stories, and you write yours well- nice and short too, making them easy to read...
backed with pleasure...
read SEASONS...

I read through your first Chapter and you have me wondering... Who is Miranda? Who is Jennifer? In general, I'm wanting to know who is this guy and all of these women? Your description of the train station and cottages were charming, but I would have liked to have seen a little more dialogue perhaps. Especially with Jennifer, but that may just be me being greedy and wanting more conversation. :) Good luck with this! I'll be back for more!

Best,
Ashley
Maddy Hatfield and the Magic Locket

I read 'My Name is James' & 'Heaven & Hell' and was drawn quickly in to both stories. You have a succinct writing style and both stories enticed me to read to their conclusions.

'James' was written with considerable wit and irony, and with the inclusion of small, but telling detail; and 'Heaven & Hell' was intriguing because of the background question of why Helen had been placed into a secure unit - it was obviously something serious., and this curiosity led me to its conclusion.

Within 'James' there was a typo: 'Let's just say over...hundred' (a hundred).
And I thought the sentence 'I am meeting Geraldine for the first time' could stand more effectively alone, and not run into the previous sentence.
I thought his chat-up line 'Hello, I hope you don't mind me asking would you like to dance' was rather timorous for such a lecher! But maybe it's the way you say it that's important.
James gets his come-uppance, of course, but I thought the ending, however, could have been stronger, as you signal what is coming well in advance with the preceding, quite lengthy, dialogue.

I was more interested in 'Heaven & Hell' from a psychological perspective. Interesting, for me, was the way you advance the self-doubt & loathing of Helen. But I wasn't happy with the rather ambiguous ending, and I found the switch from the present tense of the Nov 13th 2001 diary entry, to the past tense writing of the following paragraphs a little confusing.

Overall though, I am interested in these stories, and will return to read the others. Short story writing has been out of fashion for too long - time for a revival.

Colin Neville

Sue, I saw your profile and remembered reading A Boy Called George (long long ago) and thought I'd pop in for a short over lunch. It was a strange sensation to find myself rooting for a cancer cell, I don't know what came over me, in the end I guess I'm glad the MC lost. Highly original. Thanks for the diversion from work.
Bill Scott
Haktaw Heart

Heaven and Hell is what they call a "roller coaster of emotions". It could almost stand as it is, but one is desperate to read more, to see how it all works out, if it does. Maybe a tiny bit of editing is required, but this story would be perfect for your new anthology. a triumph.

Thank you.

Charles

Sue...

Just finished 'My name is James'...your book gets my backing on this short alone. I loved it, loved the cool, dark humour, but also felt strangely at ease until that great ending! On top of that, I spent the all of my teenage years, and the start of my twenties, as a single man and honestly I think you've got it spot on! Very, very funny.

I'm looking forward to reading the rest.

Leigh

Read 'My Name is James' - enjoyed it v. much, nice twist at end. I love short stories so happily backed. One thing tho' (and it's probably me being a numpty') - at the v. end, Jennifer texted 'Did you enjoy the pea?' did she mean the priaprism? I am such a nit, please help! Backed. Ceeds
'JOE'S NAN'

From Sublime to Ridiculous - Sue Edwards

Wow - I was reading along, enjoying the humour, and liking the very true to life way in which you portray James, and then there's a complete change, and suddenly I have to sit up, and I'm shocked at the sudden twist at the end. Brilliantly done.
janie.

Dear Sue

I loved your short and long pitch both really sell your book which they are meant too so CONGRATS, and love the way you write. Your ability with words to craft an orginal read is amazing. the characters have decided to take up permanent residence but i will insist they leave soom to go home. ha! I have to wonder on this site at the
creations that come from peoples heads and of course the immense talent of those like yourself to animate
such colorful characters. I truly wish I had half your talent.

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK
also

The VERY best of luck to you

Denise
The Letter

Dear Sue

How I missed this book I dont know, I was so captivated by your pitch. reading at the present time, will comment later

Denise
The Letter

Dear Sue, I have already backed your 2 books & I thought I had commented on this book & your play :) - hope I didn't send it to somone else. :) Your are a fantastic writer & all of your work is exemplary. :) Is there a 3rd book in the works? :) Love, Susie :) p.s. Could you please take a moment to back my memoir book? :) Thanks so very much. :)

Always been a sucker for shorts.
There is an art to writing shorts, the quickness you have to develop characters and build the plot, and this is an example of the art.
Very, very good storytelling.

Soooo funny. But with a real sting in the tail. Such a different project to your last, and yet you handle it with the same insight. You have captured the inner man perfectly. Though I do feel sorry for him as I laugh, really. Backed, Mary

Wow, what a story. I couldn't stop reading, your characters are so real I was really drawn into it. Good luck. BACKED

BD Nelson
Abigail's Cries
Scorned

You know no matter what I tell you you know your work is great, you believe in it and good luck to you. Nothing I or anyone else writes on here should change that. I hope you're aware that this site is really a massive slap in the back club cos we're all vying to get published. I hope you do

My Name is James is a great piece. You handled the flawed first person (there's a better name for it that I can't remember at the moment) deftly. And good dialogue. A few suggestions: There's an awkward tense change that I can't find now. When Miranda tells him to fuck off, I didn't like the next line. I'd do something like I think she might have been angry. Later on:
"Would you like to go out?
She pondered for a while. "I'd like that." Moving 'she pondered' to the line where Jennifer is speaking.
The ending -- here I show my ignorance -- is it texting? I've never done that. I got a little confused. If it is text, you could italicize her words and still keep the good pacing. Off to read another one.

Just read Dutiful Widow. Excellent! Again, your characters' voices are clear, perfect. The twist at the end, fabulous!

HJ
The Pearl Edda

My name is James ( or was that John thomas) deserves cult status. I've been walking around with legs crossed all week. I'm backing these just for the hell of it, because the author is so unpretentious and sunny that sooner or later she will write something really good - if she doesn't try too hard. Sole's hear it for all little devils.... DB ALL THESE ARE MEMORIES OF MY VOYAGE

I LIKE short stories so I'm having a look at yours. perhaps you would like to read a very romantic book - Beyond Nostalgia and also take a look at mine - thankyou.

I actually really like the paraphenalia feel to these pieces. I am not really a fan of short stories but this hodge podge was like rifling through private papers. You have a beautiful simple, direct, engaging, intimate style which makes every story shine off the page. It was heroically brave of you to imagine being a man with a super-hard on but you sat there and typed for England. Fascinating stuff. Backed.

Sue, My Name is James is outright hysterical. Perfect depiction of the single male. To be honest, I took for granted that the writer was male until I finished and checked out your bio. Scary to think women might know our mind's inner workings so well. All the large spaces and small paragraphs were a bit distracting, but that's something you could easily edit if you choose. Shelved.
Thomas J. Winton (Beyond Nstalgia)

Whoa...I almost felt sorry for James. Almost. Well done with the first story as it captured the idea of revenge perfectly!

Hi Sue,

I read the 4th chapter coz that's the one that really stood out to me - you said experimental and I read because I'm so over conservative, traditional books and ideas. It's short fiction of course, but it's damn freaking nice. Work with this a bit more and stick it in your portfolio. I'd lengthen it a touch and then add a touch more realism to it - research chemo and stuff (or add more of what you already do know if you are an expert already). But please work with it, because it has potential.

Hi,
I enjoyed readin the first one though I thought the ending was a bit prdictable.
he could I suppose have been out with jennifer a couple of times.
She might have used somthing more potent for her revenge.
A single episode of priapism would surely not give her satisfaction.
prolonged priapism leads to thrombosis and it literally drops off!
Maybe she would have kept poisoning him and he would have lost his ardour?
Just a thought.
I've shelved this because I had no trouble reading the fluent witing and dialogue without any pauses of moments where I'm taken out of the text.
Good read.

Number 7
Start of the book
I have heard that editors detest dream openings.
Instead of a dream to open the book, why not have him at the computer staring at the old sent message box. willing himself not to open it. Not to put himself throught he misery of re reading the message that he had foolishly sent all those years ago, that had forever destroyed his life?

Later you go into a huge chunk of back story, His parents relationship, his education, his first marriage, it's breakup. Cut this out, dribble that in later in very small doses.

Perhaps have him name all the women who had meant something, been in his life, before and recently then the reader knows where they stand. None of whom came close to matching up with Suzie. Then slowly you can slip in the stories about how he failed them, or they failed him.
Good luck with the rewrites.
Caro

sue, i have read My Name is James and it is entertaining and well-written. it is indeed a bit roald dahl- ish but, like his work, i find it a bit gimmicky. i'm sorry that sounds a horrible word but i can't think of a better one. you have a talent which should not be confined by formulae and of course it may well be that the 'twist' is particular to this story.

xx\m

I started reading the first one and thought it was brilliant, I even found myself wondering if I would be attracted to James through reading his ad. I'm afraid he's a tiny bit old and tall for me. It's just so refreshing to read about a man who is after romance and not just sex as there are so many of them out there and women of course. Very nice writing that made me want to read on and was easy to understand. Shelved with pleasure.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

Thanks for that Ali
All done! :o)

Sue,
Heaven and Hell left me wondering. What is to become of Helen? What did the end mean? What happened to the Hawkins?
You have a gift,
MickR - The nightcrawler

Hi,

I know you said not to, but I did anyway. ;)

Read My Name is James. I loved it. Had a Roald Dahl feel to it, kind of Tales of the Unexpected. Really well written and a great idea. I don't know if you researched it, the drug that caused the priapism, but it sounded good and I'm not going to go look it up in case my wife gets ideas...

Wonderful.

Craig

I see James is not doing much favours for men, or the population at large. It's clear from the writing as to why that chapter has proved so popular. There is a good variation of theme through these first 6 chapters and I think its shows to your strong ability in character creation. Backed

I just read the first story and I thought it was funnier than hell. Poor guy. What a hoot. Your dialogue is good and you can really spin a good story. One thing I noticed is that you bounce between present tense and past tense a lot. A suggestion to take or leave; Maybe a little more character reference, feelings, thoughts etc. Just me, though. I really thought this story was one of the best I've read for awhile. Definately shelving it and can't wait to read more.
If you get a chance maybe you could read the new novel I listed, Orchid sland
Thanks Judi Blaze

Getting to the feedback now. You had me laughing with My Name is James --- I love him. Oh but that’s annoying what Authonomy does to paragraph marks. You’ve taken a different tack on first person narrative – instead of being in the MC’s head, we’re being told the story by the MC. I think both ways work, but they’re a bit tricky to slip in and out of – what is he thinking vs. what is he telling the reader, and why? I think you do a really good job of that, more something to think about than a crit.

I love that he wears pink on a first date btw.

Oh, and he might think women are too easy, but I think something’s wrong with him. A flawed MC, but a likeable one. Yea, he’s in love with the idea romance, not women. He’s so blunt, it made me cringe. He is exactly why I am sooo happpyy I’m not single, phew!

One thing, I got a bit lost with the Geraldine part of the story, what happened to her? She seemed to fade away.

I love the doctor visit, way to humble the guy! He needs it. Cute twist at the end.

I read all of these straight through. My favorite is Heaven and Hell. I get it and I hope you finish it. I think that it could go long. There's a lot to it.
I read TomW's comment and I didn't understand what he meant about 1st rights.
Any ms that's printed out is copyrighted, you can't sue, but if you thought it was about to be nabbed, you can get it registered and protected that way.
This site doesn't take anything away from the writer.
Please write more shorts.

Hiya, a quick shufty of your first chapter. A smashing story of a man with a host of problems, if only he'd realise them - a prize prat at first glance, and his punishment fits the crime. Priapism can go on the list of "things I don't want to suffer from, thanks very much". Apparently one remedy for that is to run up and down the stairs. I guess a fellow would need some understanding neighbours in that case. "Oh, that'll be John, trying to sort out his priapism again."

Anyway, what I really liked about this was that the authorial eye sees all - there's no judgement here, and there's a thorough explanation for why James behaves the way he does with women - the divorce, financial disaster and humiliation that goes with it. Some of us might even sympathise with someone having a more cavalier attitude in those circumstances... But balancing that, there's the emotional fall-out which the plotter reminds us of, the hurt in simply being used and that two wrongs never make a right. Great stuff

P

Good stuff, most of it. Some problems with POV and needs a thorough edit for minor flaws, including the notorious British difficulty with commas. Since you plan to do one, I won't get specific unless you wish help.

Dai

Fun stories. The “big bang” endings and heavy dialog remind me of the old Twilight Zone TV show. Have you considered writing screen plays? I think you’d be a natural for that.

Hi Little Devil –

Some vague ideas that might or might not help on ‘Heartless’…

When she’s driving home, maybe a bit more between airport and the dog? Felt a bit like there was no interim…airport/donk…

In fact, thought about this – I’d start with the dog incident and cut the opening airport scene, play that back within the narrative? - that’s just me though. Please don’t listen to me. I make stuff up for a living. And I’m really poor.

Or, (oh dear, rambling…) bulk up the airport scene, make hitting the dog the hook at the end of chapter one…

Now, I’ve wound myself in, because you’ve told me this is romance, and it says its romance, but it didn’t really sink in.

I have no idea what’s good romance, and what isn’t. I don’t have any idea as to the pace of a romance, though I’m guessing it needs to be short, so my initial reaction at a woman taking a guy back and then getting into all this deep stuff after five minutes may be skewed – my guess is that’s entirely necessary…

So, I’ve started out on a completely different track, but I’ve typed it up, so I’ll go back…beep beep beep…

As a non-romance reader, I found the abruptness of this relationship a bit strange.
I thought the writing was very good. I liked the general premise, and the back stories. I like the idea of broken people coming together. I’d like to see more depth, a more natural pace to the relationship…but…

I don’t know anything about this genre…so, either tell me to delete this, which I will, quite happily, or I’ll leave you with my two overriding thoughts, which are – unnatural pace, and well-written…

I’m sorry I can’t be any more helpful than that!

Sorry Sorry Sorry!

Chapter Six is really good. It's romance without dissolving into sappy drivel, articulate and intelligent but also sensitive. I hope there's more of this to be read soon.
Shelved.

Comment on Chapter 4...

I think you've got a good idea here. I'm just wondering how I was supposed to know the MC was a cancer cell. I don't recall seeing it in the text itself... Perhaps you could put "his" bits in italics to distinguish them? Also, the POV worried me, because "he" seemed able to see things outside Jack's body.

I'll give you a vote for the idea. You're probably aware, however, that you've lost first rights on short stories posted here (particularly important for short stories), and that short story collections are a hard sell for even established novelists. But that's not up to me ;-)

Best wishes with these.

Regards,

TomW

Hi Ms. Edwards,

This is a wonderfully interesting array of short stories. You have a lovely writing style and you are great at telling stories. :)

Shelved with pleasure!

Love,
Sara :o)

I think you write quite well but I can't do the subject. Sorry

First story fun to read, couldn´t stop. Rarely happens recently with anything I start reading. (haven´t read the rest)

thank you for that.

with love

Subtle, like a good red wine. "Heartless" shows two people connecting with each other and exploring each other's worlds. Lovely. Well-written characters that can really go places together.

Q
Tales Tell Tales

PS Thanks for your stories. They were a breath of fresh air! And quite a range, too! I've enjoyed having it on my shelf

"Where there's life" has potential to be a sci-fi story, definitely. Perhaps the treatment could be the introduction of smart nanomachines that are injected into the blood. They learn to 'chat' to the cancer and in a game of biological tic tac toe the nanos win. Maybe the cancer could be convinced or bullied into making Jack's legs start regrowing? Lots of potential here. I like it. I'll keep you on my shelf until I've read all the stories. Taking a break from reading novels. What a relief.

Q
Tales Tell Tales

Story 2 has the perfect title. Ambiguous. Liz is the real widow, but Julie is the only dutiful one. So ironic. Can't wait to read number three.
Q
Tales Tell Tales