Book Jacket

 

rank 1164
word count 49522
date submitted 06.05.2009
date updated 16.03.2012
genres: Fiction, Romance, Science Fiction, ...
classification: moderate
incomplete

From Sublime to the Ridiculous (shorts)

Sue Edwards

A collection of short stories.

 

1. My Name is James.
A story about a guy who couldn't keep his flies up.

2. Going to the Dogs

3. Angel

4. Dutiful Widow
Two women, one man. Dead of course.

5. Heaven and Hell
You have to work this one out for yourself.

6. Where there's Life
An experimental story Sci-fi (I think) where a cancer cell is the MC

7. Flash fiction Geriatric Ward
8. It Started With A Kiss.

9. Untitled Romance 'Heartless' could be a good title, we'll see
You don't need an explanation. It's Romance, bit like Marmite.

10. Undying Love first draft complete first 7,000 words or so
Romance novel

11. Behind Closed Doors. I just squirmed at the writing, (one of my first novels) but I love the storyline and characters. One that I will finish one day. Romance 9,700 words posted
My first attempt at a SCREENPLAY

12. A Home for Jean
Jean,a little girl taken into care after her mother suffered a nervous breakdown shortly after the birth of her twin brother and sister.

None of these stories have been touched since I wrote them. But I thought they may be fun to read.

***Caution Swearing***

 
rate the book

to rate this book please Register or Login

 

tags

comedy, life, relationships

on 5 watchlists

79 comments

 

Text Size

Text Colour

Chapters

1

1

report abuse

My Name is James by Sue Edwards


 

 
My Name is James.
 

 
And if I'm perfectly honest, which I usually am, apart from telling the odd
 
porky here and there — I would have to tell you:
 

 
I think women are too easy.
 

 
Don’t get me wrong, I'm not a bad looking bloke and apart from a few extra
 
pounds. I don’t have a bad physique for my age, but you’d think I was Brad Pitt the way women behave around me.
 

 
I’m quite used to describing myself on various dating websites, so to avoid any confusion I’ll get it over with straight away.
 

 
46, Dark hair, brown eyes, cheeky grin, 6’3” GSOH
 

 
My biggest problem is women. I love em. . .But what I really want is to fall madly IN love. With one, Just one, and spend the rest of my life, living happily ever after.
 

 
You might find that hard to believe, but as I say, I'm honest, and that’s the
 
God’s honest truth.
 

 
Now, if I was the kind to brag, I'd tell you that in seven years I’ve met
 
knocking on two-hundred women, but being a conservative sort of guy, let’s just say over
 
hundred.
 

 
I'm not too macho to admit that as I step out of the shower and slap on a good handful of aftershave, my heart flutters with anticipation. I am meeting Geraldine for the first time. I slip into a pale-pink, freshly ironed shirt, and with trembling fingers fasten the cufflinks, hoping that she will see me, not as a macho man, but as the mild mannered gentle person that I really am. And yes, I really hope this time it will be different.
 

 
“Good luck son. You look very handsome.”
 

 
“Thanks Mum.”
 

 
It’s not ideal living back with mother, but at the time I had no choice. The family home was left to my ex wife and the baby she was carrying at the time of my departure. I might have coped better if she hadn’t rubbed my nose in the fact that it wasn’t mine.
 

 
As I stepped onto the train at Huntingdon I heard a familiar beep, followed by a vibration in my trouser pocket. I reached in and smiled as I retrieved the message.
 

 
Hi Hun. Have you left yet? Can’t wait to meet you. x
 

 
Hello darling. Just pulling out of Huntingdon. x
 

 
We texted each other for the whole three hours it took me to reach Birmingham, and I must admit, as I saw Geraldine standing on the platform, I was not disappointed. I waved from the window, recognizing her instantly from the photo she had sent. She walked towards my slowing carriage, her long blonde hair flowing in her wake.
 

 
I think...yes! Maybe…
 

 
I greet her respectfully, with a peck on the cheek. I treat all women with the respect they deserve, but one minute we’re sitting in her car chatting, the next minute she has her tongue down my throat and her hand on my crotch.
 

 
Come on…what was I supposed to do?
 

 
It was then I realised she was just another shag. Geraldine: number seventy-six and my first time in a convertible.
 

 
What happened to romance?
 

 
It was the same with Kathy from Dover and Sally, from Sussex. Sally was a nice girl, or so I thought, until she got the handcuffs out. I didn’t even have to buy Sally a drink. She was wicked and wild.
 

 
The one I really liked though was Miranda from Yorkshire. Now I really thought she was the ultimate one. Oh the beautiful Miranda, I still think of her now, although I try not to...
 

 
Miranda…never been married…never had kids. Thirty-six years old, and to say she wasn’t easy was the understatement of the year. Actually, she hadn’t been the least bit interested in meeting. Gorgeous she was. So much so, that It took me a month to pluck up the courage to ask her for a date. Three times she refused. That won her a good few brownie points in my book. She was too good to give up on. The fourth time I asked, she accepted. I was over the moon. I even planned how I would propose. Well, there’s no point in hanging around is there?
 

 
Yorkshire was a long way to go for a night out and Miranda was worth more, so I booked a hotel for a week, I thought she was worth getting to know properly. I was well overdue for a holiday, so it worked out perfectly. That was my plan… really get to know her. You know take her out for meals, see a movie and date her properly. After all, Miranda was different.
 

 
Or so I thought.
 

 
I stepped off the train and breathed a lungful of happiness. It was like stepping straight into an old-fashioned movie. Romance hung heavily in the scented summer air. The station was quaint and beautiful. Small York stone railway cottages turned into waiting rooms, cafes and toilets. Outside the station was a florist. Flowers spilled onto the stone pavement in an array of colour. I knew that a bouquet of a dozen red roses and gypsophila, tied with a big green ribbon would be the perfect gift to present to such a beautiful woman.
 

 
Within an hour, we were in bed having wild sex and she’d phoned and cancelled the hotel.
 

 
Now you see what I mean by easy, don’t you?
 

 
After that, I knew she wasn’t going to be any different. Good as she was, I didn’t think I could trust her. If she’d seduced me within an hour, she could do it to anyone.
 

 
I stuck it out though, stayed the whole week and ended up enjoying her company but abandoned any plans I’d had for romance as she’d seemed perfectly happy to spend most of the time in bed.
 

 
I couldn’t wait to get home and check my e-mail, see who I will be meeting next.
 

 
“Oh James, I have had such a wonderful week,” Miranda said, as I was leaving. “How would you feel if I sold up and moved down south?”
 

 
”You can’t do that!”
 

 
“Why? You…you do love me don’t you?”
 

 
“Well Miranda, to be perfectly honest, since you asked. No. I don’t.”
 

 
We had an awful argument. Well she argued, I listened and responded calmly.
 

 
“You bastard, you made me fall in love with you.”
 

 
“Well actually, I didn’t make you do anything, you were more than willing.”
 

 
“But you…you made love to me.”
 

 
“No Miranda. If you remember rightly, within an hour of meeting, you’d ripped my clothes off and demanded that I fuck you. That is not exactly my idea of making love to a woman.”
 

 
“But...”
 

 
“No buts. That’s exactly how it happened.”
 

 
“Will I see you again?”
 

 
I can’t think of any good reason to put myself through this again; tears, being thumped, and verbally abused. I told her simply...
 

 
“If you are ever down my way, sure, give me a call and we’ll have a drink for old
 
time’s sake.”
 

 
“Old time’s sake?” she yelled. “Fuck off! Just get out!
 

 
To say that she wasn’t happy was an understatement. But she had, without knowing, shattered my dreams. Nevertheless, I left without a trace of guilt.
 
It wasn’t unusual for women to say, ‘I love you’ and within a few days changing it to, ‘hate’ when they couldn’t get their own way.
 
But strangely enough, I never heard from Miranda again. I didn’t get the usual hate mail, followed by... ‘I’m sorry, can we still be friends?’ If only she’d allowed me stick to my original plan and check into that hotel; I think it may have worked out with Miranda.
 

 
I didn’t like women who wanted to jump into bed within an hour of meeting, not for long-term relationships anyway. I was hurt once and I am not going through that again...
 

 
I gave up the internet dating two years ago. Miranda was the last. Well when I
 
say I gave up internet dating — that’s not strictly true. I still go to group
 
meetings. Talk, eat, and chat to people before deciding that there's no one there that I like enough to date; plenty that I could shag, but I gave that up too. It was turning me into something I really didn’t want to be...
 

 
Then Jennifer came along...
 

 
There was a local meet in the hotel a few miles away.
 
I saw her across a crowded room. I knew instantly, I was in love with her. I could feel her eyes piercing through me. I floated across the room, almost ghost-like. My feet hardly touched the ground. It was ethereal…beautiful.
 

 
“Hello, I hope you don’t mind me asking. Would you like to dance?”
 

 
She smiled, held out her hand and I helped her to her feet. It was as if she’d been sent from heaven. The way her lean arms floated around my neck, sent a shiver down my spine. When the music stopped, I held her hand and led her back to her seat.
 

 
“It’s lovely to meet you. I’m James,” I said, raising her hand and planting a kiss.
 
“Jennifer,” she said with a smile.
 

 
I hear wedding bells...I’ve never felt this way about anyone. Well maybe one.
 

 
“Have you come far?”
 

 
“Humberside. You?”
 

 
“Cambridge.” 
 

 
I got a knot in my stomach when I heard her northern accent. I thought of Miranda.
 

 
I felt bad about that.
 

 
“What brings you all the way down here?”
 

 
“Men, they're such twats up north. I came to see if the men in this part of the country were any better. I’ve heard so much about them, I thought I’d see for myself.”
 

 
“Well, I’m glad you did. How long are you here for?”
 

 
“As long as it takes.” 
 

 
She gave me this cheeky grin. I read it as an invitation.
 

 
“Would you like to go out tomorrow evening?” She pondered for a while.
 

 
“Yes, I’d like that.”
 

 
“Great! Where are you staying?”
 

 
“In a travel lodge near St Ives, do you know it?”
 

 
I knew it well. I'm not proud of it, but I’d had many encounters in that place.
 

 
“Yes, it’s not far from me. Shall I pick you up around eight?”
 

 
Eight'll be fine.”
 

 
“Shall we?”
 

 
I lead her onto the polished wooden floor for the last dance of the evening. Her corn coloured hair was pinned up in curls, exposing a very elegant, kissable neck and jaw line. The feel of her black satin cocktail dress beneath my hands brought illicit thoughts to mind. I quickly brushed them aside, and took a small step backwards to give my libido a chance to calm.
 
Later that night I drove her back to her hotel. Just this once I would have loved for her to invite me back. She didn’t.
 

 
“I’ll see you tomorrow. Don’t be late,” she said.
 

 
I was about to take my chance and kiss her cheek when she jumped out of the car and slammed the door.
 

 
“Phew, she's definitely the one,” I thought, driving away feeling rather flushed, and yes, okay I must admit, being an honest bloke…as horny as hell.
 

 
Even though she was late and I thought, she’d got cold feet; when she emerged from the hotel, in a black strapless dress, and a flimsy stole around her shoulders, long blonde hair flowing gently in the cool summer breeze, I knew the wait had been worth it. The apprehension of whether she was going to turn up was all part and parcel.
 

 
I was in love.
 

 
I felt the lust oozing from my eyes as we chatted and sipped wine by candlelight. There was a psychic ambience. The restaurant was dark purple in décor with matching tablecloths and pure white linen. I imagined, Gypsy Rose Lee, appearing and telling me that I'd met my one and only. Jennifer smelled divine. Her perfume wafted towards me, blending with the exotic aroma of cumin and cardamom. The food was fantastic. And so was she. Unsolicited thoughts rushed through my mind. As I met her gaze, all I could see, was us, just the two of us lying on a beach of pure white sand, the sun drenching our bodies. The only sound was the surf breaking on the shore.
 

 
The flickering candle made her blue eyes bluer. God, I wanted her so much. I could have promised her the earth that night.
 

 
“I’d really like to see you again Jennifer.”
 

 
“I know,” she said, feeding me a piece of chicken from her fork.
 

 
Mmm…tastes good.”
 

 
This was how I wanted to treat Miranda, if only she'd let me...
 

 
“Well?”
 

 
“Well what?”
 

 
“Is that a yes? Can I see you again?”
 

 
“I’ll have to think about it,” she teased provocatively, holding her fork to my mouth with a single pea on the end. I hate peas, but I gratefully accepted it, and enjoyed the fact that her pretty mouth had been around the fork. I rolled the pea around not wanting to bite into it and swallowed hard.
 

 
“Are you going to make me beg?”
 

 
“Maybe.” 
 

 
I cast her one of my puppy-dog expressions and thankfully, she gave in. I know nothing of begging, or the desire to.
 

 
Jennifer agreed to meet at ten following morning and spend the whole day with me. I wanted to kiss her and hold her in my arms, tell her that I was falling in love with her.
 

 
Sleep hadn’t come easy that night. I couldn’t wait to see her again. I began to see forever. I heard wedding bells. I would never let her go…
 

 
I woke at dawn full of hope and with the biggest hard-on, I’d ever had. I watched the clock, willing the time to move faster. At 9:30, I set off. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping and I was like the cat that got the cream.
 

 
I was five minutes early. After three hours, she still hadn’t showed. I thought about getting the hotel to call her room, but I didn’t know her surname. I didn’t even have her phone number. I was so certain that Jennifer would turn up I hadn’t bothered asking for it. I'd been sitting in the car for three hours, and I needed to get home. I had the stiffest cock ever and it was aching like hell.
 

 
I had to admit that she wasn’t going to show. Something must have gone wrong. Thankfully, she had my number and she would call later, sure of it. I had to get home. I hoped mother wasn't home. It would've been most embarrassing if she'd wanted to talk while in this condition. I reached over to the back seat and fetched my jacket, which I placed strategically over my arm and let it hang over my offending anatomy.
 

 
As I reached the for my door keys, I almost fainted. The pain was excruciating. I made a dash for the loo, unzipped and almost threw up when I saw the size of it. I tried to take a pee, thinking it might ease the pain, but it made it worse. The funny thing was: I didn’t feel aroused.
 

 
Mother was out, thankfully she'd gone to one of her friends and she would be there all day. By late afternoon, I thought the damn thing was going to drop off it hurt so much. I had no choice, as embarrassing as it was, I had to get it looked at. The local hospital had a minor injury unit so I popped down there. Once again I took a jacket and held it over my arm.
 

 
I walked up to the receptionist.
 

 
“Hi, I need to see a doctor.”
 

 
“What’s your name?” she asked, without looking up.
 

 
Er…James, my name is James.”
 

 
Surname, James?”
 

 
Harrison.” I knew what the next question was going to be and I was dreading it.
 

 
“And what seems to be the problem?”
 

 
“Ahem! It’s very embarrassing.”
 

 
It’s okay, James, we see all sorts here.”
 

 
“I’m sure you do, but I’m forty-six and I sure as hell have never seen anything like this before and I’ve had it all my life.”
 

 
Problem down below?”
 

 
Yes, you could say that.”
 

 
“Okay, take a seat, James. The triage nurse will be with you in a little while.”
 

 
Nurse? A woman?” The last thing I wanted right now was to whoop the damned thing out to be inspected by a woman.
 

 
“Don’t worry, she’ll be gentle with you.”
 

 
I sat down on the chair with the jacket on my lap. Fear did nothing to help. It throbbed and seemed to swell even more. So much so that I thought the blood supply might cut off any minute and gangrene would set in.
 

 
“James Harrison?”
 

 
“Yes.”
 

 
“Follow me.”
 

 
To hell with embarrassment. As she closed the curtain, I almost cried.
 

 
“What can we do for you?”
 

 
I moved my arm and pointed.
 

 
“Ooh… are you sure you’ve come to the right place?” she said with a pretty smile.
 

 
“Please…I’m in agony.”
 

 
“Sorry. I couldn’t resist it.”
 

 
She reached into a cupboard on the wall and pulled out a little white packet, which she unwrapped revealing a white plastic pot.
 

 
“Could you manage a pee?”
 

 
Just about, I think.”
 

 
“Toilet is second on the left.”
 

 
I had a problem controlling the damned thing. Trying to piss in a pot no bigger than a coffee cup with a hard-on isn’t the easiest thing in the world. I presented her with the little pot of piss and she took a blood test.
 

 
“If you wait outside, the doctor will call you as soon as we have the results.”
 

 
“Thanks.”
 

 
I expected a bespectacled old doctor. How wrong was I?
 

 
“James Harrison…”
 

 
Oh please, no… She was the prettiest doctor I’d seen in my life; Jet-black hair, big brown eyes and a smile that I didn’t need.
 

 
I followed her to a cubicle.
 

 
“I understand you have a priapism.”
 

 
A what?” 
 

 
She smiled, “It’s okay. Don’t look so worried. It’s not as bad as it sounds.”
 

 
“Phew…that’s a relief. Sounds pretty life-threatening to me.”
 

 
May I?” she gestured for me to drop my pants. “I just need to check the blood supply. Lie on the couch will you?” She poked and prodded, “have you taken anything?”
 

 
“I took some Paracetemol earlier.”
 

 
“No. I mean have you taken any stimulants?"
 

 
"No! I don't take drugs. I certainly don't need any stimulants thank you very much."
 

 
I was shocked she even asked.
 

 
"We found traces of a chemical substance in your urine called Cantharidin. The drug or substance is excreted by the kidneys and causes inflammation of the urinary tract, which is the reason for the swelling.”
 

 

 
“I’ll give you a steroid injection. That should ease the inflammation. You should be fine within a couple of days. It might be a good idea to think where you have been recently. Could anyone have dropped something in your drink?”
 

 
“No, not that I know of. I haven’t been to any pubs or clubs. I had a meal in the Indian restaurant in town last night, but that’s about it. Do you think it could have been something I ate?”
 

 
"Highly unlikely. If a whole dish was contaminated with the substance. We would be looking at something a lot more serious. No, I would say this was a deliberate isolated case."
 

 
Who could have done a thing like that? They could have killed me.
 

 
I spent the following couple of days avoiding mother and wearing tight pants and baggy shirts.
 

 
I still hadn’t heard from Jennifer. I thought of going to Humberside and hanging a sheet on the bridge ‘Jennifer. I love you.’ I dismissed it as being a stupid idea and carried on feeling hurt as to why she hadn’t shown.
 

 

 
A week later, I heard a familiar beep on my phone. I read the message...
 

 
Now you know what it feels like you dirty rotten bastard...
 

 
Sorry? Who is this?
 

 
Beep...
 
She said you were the best thing that ever happened to her.
 

 
Who? Who are you talking about?
 

 
Beep...
 
It must have taken a great deal of strength to sleep with you.
 

 
Sorry. I’m lost. Will you please tell me what's going on?
 

 
Beep...
 
When she was eleven, she was raped, and she was terrified of men.
 

 
Look, you must have the wrong number. Please stop this.
 

 
Beep...
 
Oh no. I have the right number JAMES!
 

 
This is not funny. Please tell me who you are talking about.
 

 
Beep...
 
Not so fast buster.
 

 
I ignore the last message, hoping this is just a silly hoax, or one of my friends
 
messing about. It wouldn’t be the first time that someone had done it.
 

 
Beep...
 
I don’t think you deserve to know this, but she really loved you.
 

 
Who?
 

 
Beep...
 
Thanks to you, you bastard, I have lost not only my sister, but also my best friend.
 

 
I’m sorry, but I don’t know what or who you are talking about.
 

 
Beep…
 
“Miranda…”
 

 
“OMG…Miranda…is that you?”
 

 
Beep...
 
No! It's Jennifer. Did you enjoy the pea?

 

Chapters

1

1

report abuse

To leave comments on this or any book please Register or Login

subscribe to comments for this book
Dr. James Rogers wrote 23 days ago

Interesting book I've read bits and pieces of it. Enjoyed what I've read. I'm not into criticing books. So, I leave it at that.

strachan gordon wrote 60 days ago

Ok you are being cheeky to impersonate a priapic male , but I think you have done it very well and your first story is very amusing . I think internet dating is becoming the single most common experience for singletons, to be honest you cant fail with it as a topic . Watchlisted and starred. Would you be able to look at the first chapter of my novel 'A Buccaneer' which is set amongst Pirates in the 17th century , with best wishes from Strachan Gordon

ShinyMcShine wrote 192 days ago

Hi there,

Just had a quick read of the first story. I enjoyed it, kind of makes me tempted to return to the immediacy of short stories. My novel is proving a slog. I'll keep you on my Watchlist and check out a few more stories when time allows.

Shiny

Bea Sinclair wrote 207 days ago

Well written and very entertaining. Your book is on my watchlist awaiting promotion. six stars have been awarded and I wish you the best of luck. Yours Bea

Su Dan wrote 256 days ago

l love short-stories, and you write yours well- nice and short too, making them easy to read...
backed with pleasure...
read SEASONS...

a.morrison712 wrote 258 days ago

I read through your first Chapter and you have me wondering... Who is Miranda? Who is Jennifer? In general, I'm wanting to know who is this guy and all of these women? Your description of the train station and cottages were charming, but I would have liked to have seen a little more dialogue perhaps. Especially with Jennifer, but that may just be me being greedy and wanting more conversation. :) Good luck with this! I'll be back for more!

Best,
Ashley
Maddy Hatfield and the Magic Locket

Colin Neville wrote 269 days ago

I read 'My Name is James' & 'Heaven & Hell' and was drawn quickly in to both stories. You have a succinct writing style and both stories enticed me to read to their conclusions.

'James' was written with considerable wit and irony, and with the inclusion of small, but telling detail; and 'Heaven & Hell' was intriguing because of the background question of why Helen had been placed into a secure unit - it was obviously something serious., and this curiosity led me to its conclusion.

Within 'James' there was a typo: 'Let's just say over...hundred' (a hundred).
And I thought the sentence 'I am meeting Geraldine for the first time' could stand more effectively alone, and not run into the previous sentence.
I thought his chat-up line 'Hello, I hope you don't mind me asking would you like to dance' was rather timorous for such a lecher! But maybe it's the way you say it that's important.
James gets his come-uppance, of course, but I thought the ending, however, could have been stronger, as you signal what is coming well in advance with the preceding, quite lengthy, dialogue.

I was more interested in 'Heaven & Hell' from a psychological perspective. Interesting, for me, was the way you advance the self-doubt & loathing of Helen. But I wasn't happy with the rather ambiguous ending, and I found the switch from the present tense of the Nov 13th 2001 diary entry, to the past tense writing of the following paragraphs a little confusing.

Overall though, I am interested in these stories, and will return to read the others. Short story writing has been out of fashion for too long - time for a revival.

Colin Neville

Bill Scott wrote 289 days ago

Sue, I saw your profile and remembered reading A Boy Called George (long long ago) and thought I'd pop in for a short over lunch. It was a strange sensation to find myself rooting for a cancer cell, I don't know what came over me, in the end I guess I'm glad the MC lost. Highly original. Thanks for the diversion from work.
Bill Scott
Haktaw Heart

cutley wrote 487 days ago

Heaven and Hell is what they call a "roller coaster of emotions". It could almost stand as it is, but one is desperate to read more, to see how it all works out, if it does. Maybe a tiny bit of editing is required, but this story would be perfect for your new anthology. a triumph.

Thank you.

Charles

Leigh Alexander Mitchell wrote 497 days ago

Sue...

Just finished 'My name is James'...your book gets my backing on this short alone. I loved it, loved the cool, dark humour, but also felt strangely at ease until that great ending! On top of that, I spent the all of my teenage years, and the start of my twenties, as a single man and honestly I think you've got it spot on! Very, very funny.

I'm looking forward to reading the rest.

Leigh

Ceeds wrote 548 days ago

Read 'My Name is James' - enjoyed it v. much, nice twist at end. I love short stories so happily backed. One thing tho' (and it's probably me being a numpty') - at the v. end, Jennifer texted 'Did you enjoy the pea?' did she mean the priaprism? I am such a nit, please help! Backed. Ceeds
'JOE'S NAN'

janie wrote 553 days ago

From Sublime to Ridiculous - Sue Edwards

Wow - I was reading along, enjoying the humour, and liking the very true to life way in which you portray James, and then there's a complete change, and suddenly I have to sit up, and I'm shocked at the sudden twist at the end. Brilliantly done.
janie.

name falied moderation wrote 629 days ago

Dear Sue

I loved your short and long pitch both really sell your book which they are meant too so CONGRATS, and love the way you write. Your ability with words to craft an orginal read is amazing. the characters have decided to take up permanent residence but i will insist they leave soom to go home. ha! I have to wonder on this site at the
creations that come from peoples heads and of course the immense talent of those like yourself to animate
such colorful characters. I truly wish I had half your talent.

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK
also

The VERY best of luck to you

Denise
The Letter

name falied moderation wrote 629 days ago

Dear Sue

How I missed this book I dont know, I was so captivated by your pitch. reading at the present time, will comment later

Denise
The Letter

SusieGulick wrote 629 days ago

Dear Sue, I have already backed your 2 books & I thought I had commented on this book & your play :) - hope I didn't send it to somone else. :) Your are a fantastic writer & all of your work is exemplary. :) Is there a 3rd book in the works? :) Love, Susie :) p.s. Could you please take a moment to back my memoir book? :) Thanks so very much. :)

Famlavan wrote 795 days ago

Always been a sucker for shorts.
There is an art to writing shorts, the quickness you have to develop characters and build the plot, and this is an example of the art.
Very, very good storytelling.

marywood18 wrote 796 days ago

Soooo funny. But with a real sting in the tail. Such a different project to your last, and yet you handle it with the same insight. You have captured the inner man perfectly. Though I do feel sorry for him as I laugh, really. Backed, Mary

BDNelson wrote 797 days ago

Wow, what a story. I couldn't stop reading, your characters are so real I was really drawn into it. Good luck. BACKED

BD Nelson
Abigail's Cries
Scorned

divilthebit wrote 841 days ago

You know no matter what I tell you you know your work is great, you believe in it and good luck to you. Nothing I or anyone else writes on here should change that. I hope you're aware that this site is really a massive slap in the back club cos we're all vying to get published. I hope you do

Richard Daybell wrote 847 days ago

My Name is James is a great piece. You handled the flawed first person (there's a better name for it that I can't remember at the moment) deftly. And good dialogue. A few suggestions: There's an awkward tense change that I can't find now. When Miranda tells him to fuck off, I didn't like the next line. I'd do something like I think she might have been angry. Later on:
"Would you like to go out?
She pondered for a while. "I'd like that." Moving 'she pondered' to the line where Jennifer is speaking.
The ending -- here I show my ignorance -- is it texting? I've never done that. I got a little confused. If it is text, you could italicize her words and still keep the good pacing. Off to read another one.

hkraak wrote 855 days ago

Just read Dutiful Widow. Excellent! Again, your characters' voices are clear, perfect. The twist at the end, fabulous!

HJ
The Pearl Edda

david brett wrote 859 days ago

My name is James ( or was that John thomas) deserves cult status. I've been walking around with legs crossed all week. I'm backing these just for the hell of it, because the author is so unpretentious and sunny that sooner or later she will write something really good - if she doesn't try too hard. Sole's hear it for all little devils.... DB ALL THESE ARE MEMORIES OF MY VOYAGE

Raymond Crane wrote 864 days ago

I LIKE short stories so I'm having a look at yours. perhaps you would like to read a very romantic book - Beyond Nostalgia and also take a look at mine - thankyou.

Tim Roux wrote 869 days ago

I actually really like the paraphenalia feel to these pieces. I am not really a fan of short stories but this hodge podge was like rifling through private papers. You have a beautiful simple, direct, engaging, intimate style which makes every story shine off the page. It was heroically brave of you to imagine being a man with a super-hard on but you sat there and typed for England. Fascinating stuff. Backed.

Thomas J. Winton wrote 889 days ago

Sue, My Name is James is outright hysterical. Perfect depiction of the single male. To be honest, I took for granted that the writer was male until I finished and checked out your bio. Scary to think women might know our mind's inner workings so well. All the large spaces and small paragraphs were a bit distracting, but that's something you could easily edit if you choose. Shelved.
Thomas J. Winton (Beyond Nstalgia)

maracalone1 wrote 892 days ago

Whoa...I almost felt sorry for James. Almost. Well done with the first story as it captured the idea of revenge perfectly!

pandanusblue wrote 900 days ago

Hi Sue,

I read the 4th chapter coz that's the one that really stood out to me - you said experimental and I read because I'm so over conservative, traditional books and ideas. It's short fiction of course, but it's damn freaking nice. Work with this a bit more and stick it in your portfolio. I'd lengthen it a touch and then add a touch more realism to it - research chemo and stuff (or add more of what you already do know if you are an expert already). But please work with it, because it has potential.

Fred Le Grand wrote 901 days ago

Hi,
I enjoyed readin the first one though I thought the ending was a bit prdictable.
he could I suppose have been out with jennifer a couple of times.
She might have used somthing more potent for her revenge.
A single episode of priapism would surely not give her satisfaction.
prolonged priapism leads to thrombosis and it literally drops off!
Maybe she would have kept poisoning him and he would have lost his ardour?
Just a thought.
I've shelved this because I had no trouble reading the fluent witing and dialogue without any pauses of moments where I'm taken out of the text.
Good read.

CaroA wrote 904 days ago

Number 7
Start of the book
I have heard that editors detest dream openings.
Instead of a dream to open the book, why not have him at the computer staring at the old sent message box. willing himself not to open it. Not to put himself throught he misery of re reading the message that he had foolishly sent all those years ago, that had forever destroyed his life?

Later you go into a huge chunk of back story, His parents relationship, his education, his first marriage, it's breakup. Cut this out, dribble that in later in very small doses.

Perhaps have him name all the women who had meant something, been in his life, before and recently then the reader knows where they stand. None of whom came close to matching up with Suzie. Then slowly you can slip in the stories about how he failed them, or they failed him.
Good luck with the rewrites.
Caro

maitreyi wrote 917 days ago

sue, i have read My Name is James and it is entertaining and well-written. it is indeed a bit roald dahl- ish but, like his work, i find it a bit gimmicky. i'm sorry that sounds a horrible word but i can't think of a better one. you have a talent which should not be confined by formulae and of course it may well be that the 'twist' is particular to this story.

xx\m

Sandie Newman wrote 918 days ago

I started reading the first one and thought it was brilliant, I even found myself wondering if I would be attracted to James through reading his ad. I'm afraid he's a tiny bit old and tall for me. It's just so refreshing to read about a man who is after romance and not just sex as there are so many of them out there and women of course. Very nice writing that made me want to read on and was easy to understand. Shelved with pleasure.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

LittleDevil wrote 931 days ago

Thanks for that Ali
All done! :o)

MickR wrote 936 days ago

Sue,
Heaven and Hell left me wondering. What is to become of Helen? What did the end mean? What happened to the Hawkins?
You have a gift,
MickR - The nightcrawler

petrifiedtank wrote 943 days ago

Hi,

I know you said not to, but I did anyway. ;)

Read My Name is James. I loved it. Had a Roald Dahl feel to it, kind of Tales of the Unexpected. Really well written and a great idea. I don't know if you researched it, the drug that caused the priapism, but it sounded good and I'm not going to go look it up in case my wife gets ideas...

Wonderful.

Craig

David Fearnhead wrote 965 days ago

I see James is not doing much favours for men, or the population at large. It's clear from the writing as to why that chapter has proved so popular. There is a good variation of theme through these first 6 chapters and I think its shows to your strong ability in character creation. Backed

itzaqueen wrote 966 days ago

I just read the first story and I thought it was funnier than hell. Poor guy. What a hoot. Your dialogue is good and you can really spin a good story. One thing I noticed is that you bounce between present tense and past tense a lot. A suggestion to take or leave; Maybe a little more character reference, feelings, thoughts etc. Just me, though. I really thought this story was one of the best I've read for awhile. Definately shelving it and can't wait to read more.
If you get a chance maybe you could read the new novel I listed, Orchid sland
Thanks Judi Blaze

Karen Carr wrote 967 days ago

Getting to the feedback now. You had me laughing with My Name is James --- I love him. Oh but that’s annoying what Authonomy does to paragraph marks. You’ve taken a different tack on first person narrative – instead of being in the MC’s head, we’re being told the story by the MC. I think both ways work, but they’re a bit tricky to slip in and out of – what is he thinking vs. what is he telling the reader, and why? I think you do a really good job of that, more something to think about than a crit.

I love that he wears pink on a first date btw.

Oh, and he might think women are too easy, but I think something’s wrong with him. A flawed MC, but a likeable one. Yea, he’s in love with the idea romance, not women. He’s so blunt, it made me cringe. He is exactly why I am sooo happpyy I’m not single, phew!

One thing, I got a bit lost with the Geraldine part of the story, what happened to her? She seemed to fade away.

I love the doctor visit, way to humble the guy! He needs it. Cute twist at the end.


Strayer wrote 979 days ago

I read all of these straight through. My favorite is Heaven and Hell. I get it and I hope you finish it. I think that it could go long. There's a lot to it.
I read TomW's comment and I didn't understand what he meant about 1st rights.
Any ms that's printed out is copyrighted, you can't sue, but if you thought it was about to be nabbed, you can get it registered and protected that way.
This site doesn't take anything away from the writer.
Please write more shorts.

Pat Black wrote 989 days ago

Hiya, a quick shufty of your first chapter. A smashing story of a man with a host of problems, if only he'd realise them - a prize prat at first glance, and his punishment fits the crime. Priapism can go on the list of "things I don't want to suffer from, thanks very much". Apparently one remedy for that is to run up and down the stairs. I guess a fellow would need some understanding neighbours in that case. "Oh, that'll be John, trying to sort out his priapism again."

Anyway, what I really liked about this was that the authorial eye sees all - there's no judgement here, and there's a thorough explanation for why James behaves the way he does with women - the divorce, financial disaster and humiliation that goes with it. Some of us might even sympathise with someone having a more cavalier attitude in those circumstances... But balancing that, there's the emotional fall-out which the plotter reminds us of, the hurt in simply being used and that two wrongs never make a right. Great stuff

P

Dai Alanye wrote 990 days ago

Good stuff, most of it. Some problems with POV and needs a thorough edit for minor flaws, including the notorious British difficulty with commas. Since you plan to do one, I won't get specific unless you wish help.

Dai

kkieps wrote 1000 days ago

Fun stories. The “big bang” endings and heavy dialog remind me of the old Twilight Zone TV show. Have you considered writing screen plays? I think you’d be a natural for that.

petrifiedtank wrote 1005 days ago

Hi Little Devil –

Some vague ideas that might or might not help on ‘Heartless’…

When she’s driving home, maybe a bit more between airport and the dog? Felt a bit like there was no interim…airport/donk…

In fact, thought about this – I’d start with the dog incident and cut the opening airport scene, play that back within the narrative? - that’s just me though. Please don’t listen to me. I make stuff up for a living. And I’m really poor.

Or, (oh dear, rambling…) bulk up the airport scene, make hitting the dog the hook at the end of chapter one…

Now, I’ve wound myself in, because you’ve told me this is romance, and it says its romance, but it didn’t really sink in.

I have no idea what’s good romance, and what isn’t. I don’t have any idea as to the pace of a romance, though I’m guessing it needs to be short, so my initial reaction at a woman taking a guy back and then getting into all this deep stuff after five minutes may be skewed – my guess is that’s entirely necessary…

So, I’ve started out on a completely different track, but I’ve typed it up, so I’ll go back…beep beep beep…

As a non-romance reader, I found the abruptness of this relationship a bit strange.
I thought the writing was very good. I liked the general premise, and the back stories. I like the idea of broken people coming together. I’d like to see more depth, a more natural pace to the relationship…but…

I don’t know anything about this genre…so, either tell me to delete this, which I will, quite happily, or I’ll leave you with my two overriding thoughts, which are – unnatural pace, and well-written…

I’m sorry I can’t be any more helpful than that!

Sorry Sorry Sorry!

Isabelle Adams wrote 1007 days ago

Chapter Six is really good. It's romance without dissolving into sappy drivel, articulate and intelligent but also sensitive. I hope there's more of this to be read soon.
Shelved.

TomW wrote 1010 days ago

Comment on Chapter 4...

I think you've got a good idea here. I'm just wondering how I was supposed to know the MC was a cancer cell. I don't recall seeing it in the text itself... Perhaps you could put "his" bits in italics to distinguish them? Also, the POV worried me, because "he" seemed able to see things outside Jack's body.

I'll give you a vote for the idea. You're probably aware, however, that you've lost first rights on short stories posted here (particularly important for short stories), and that short story collections are a hard sell for even established novelists. But that's not up to me ;-)

Best wishes with these.

Regards,

TomW

teen4writing wrote 1011 days ago

Hi Ms. Edwards,

This is a wonderfully interesting array of short stories. You have a lovely writing style and you are great at telling stories. :)

Shelved with pleasure!

Love,
Sara :o)

Lesley Barker wrote 1011 days ago

I think you write quite well but I can't do the subject. Sorry

rafal lewandowski wrote 1022 days ago

First story fun to read, couldn´t stop. Rarely happens recently with anything I start reading. (haven´t read the rest)

thank you for that.

with love

Quenntis wrote 1029 days ago

Subtle, like a good red wine. "Heartless" shows two people connecting with each other and exploring each other's worlds. Lovely. Well-written characters that can really go places together.

Q
Tales Tell Tales

PS Thanks for your stories. They were a breath of fresh air! And quite a range, too! I've enjoyed having it on my shelf

Quenntis wrote 1029 days ago

"Where there's life" has potential to be a sci-fi story, definitely. Perhaps the treatment could be the introduction of smart nanomachines that are injected into the blood. They learn to 'chat' to the cancer and in a game of biological tic tac toe the nanos win. Maybe the cancer could be convinced or bullied into making Jack's legs start regrowing? Lots of potential here. I like it. I'll keep you on my shelf until I've read all the stories. Taking a break from reading novels. What a relief.

Q
Tales Tell Tales

Quenntis wrote 1031 days ago

Story 2 has the perfect title. Ambiguous. Liz is the real widow, but Julie is the only dutiful one. So ironic. Can't wait to read number three.
Q
Tales Tell Tales

12