Borderlines

Hi Nora,
Finally I got a chance to read five chapters of Borderlines.
It's a well-written piece of historical fiction, especially in the pivotal times of the fall of the Berlin Wall.
You certainly caught my attention with all the German words and terms you use in the story. Since I live in Germany it's no problem, I just fear you might frighten your readers who don't have any foreign-language talents and get bogged down. That was my struggle when I wrote my story about Germany. I decided to use only a little bit of German from time to time. Another problem I saw was the situation with the main character Tim. I still didn't see why he was working as a bartender in West Berlin, especially when he was a former English police officer - I just needed more connections to his past and what drove him to Berlin and so on. The buildup with his neighbor is great. The connection with the car crash with this politician seems vague and just stuck in there. I also don't see a stronger motivation for Tim to investigate the death of this Green Party member. Is it because of a lack of money, or because he likes Hanna, or what? For the moment I don't feel motivated enough to follow Tim on his investigation. If you can throw in some "catchers" to make us (the reader) want to continue then it will help your story flow much better.
I hope this helps. I guess you were there at Berlin during the fall of the Wall? Or you stayed in Germany for an extensive time, since you know the language pretty good. Maybe I can learn a few things from you too, since we're both writing stories about Germany.
All the best
Kirk (Munich)

an intellent book. excellent narrative AND dialogue; great flow, full characters, story too...
six stars...
on my watchlist for now...
read SEASONS...

You've a great pitch, the story flows well, and it's well written, backed. Hope you've time to read mine.

Borderlines

Hi Nora,

I have just checked your profile, The Language Instinct, eh, a superlative bit of popular science. As I read this I felt I was reading a sequel, loads of back story about Tim, nods to what has gone before and now I have read your profile I realize that that is exactly what this is. Tim O'Driscoll is an excellent character, loads of detail, this is so realistic. The language flipping you are doing is great, fits strongly with his character, less sure about the parenthesis dotted throughout the text, almost as if you can't make your mind up which thought to go with. Sometimes these bits in parentheses seemed quite intrusive.

What I liked was the complexity of the fast-flowing river of a narrative we have just plunged into. We stream along, she has gone and we try to fit together what the hell is going on while orientating ourselves in the fast moving current of the story. The things you chose to focus on were sometimes a little distracting, the bedclothes seem to feature very strongly, the neck-roll as against the pillow, what his Mum prefers as bed coverings. This may be relevant later, so forgive me, but at the moment it seemed that you were focusing on minutae that did not add anything to your wonderful characterisation.

My suggestion would be about beefing up the conflict in the first chapter, without losing your distinctive and softly spoken intelligent authorial voice. What will focus Tim, what will galavanize the reader, it is clear we have lots to come from your complex and intriguing pitch. You are a talented and very creative writer, you do not insult our intelligence, I love the quirks and intricacies of your characterisation. I just wanted more conflict in the first chapter: but I may simply need to read more to know whether this judgement is right.

Well done, great writing, enjoyed very much.
Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W
(Sanctuary's Loss)

Tightly written. Some fine characterisation. From your premise I thought to myself, eh up, I could get into this.
So, on the basis of good clear writing and flowing prose, together with a promising story,

I'll back this book

BACKED

Because of the Thanksgiving holiday here in the States, I am pressed for time today, so I am gonna SHELVE you for now and swing by later to comment.

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Nora,
Wow, this is complex storytelling with lots of dialect and language, all very European, a little hard for us Americans to digest. You have a solid character in Tim though and the story promises some action in the future. I identify with the insomnia and I recommend Ambien CR. Your attention to detail is incredible and you paint very clear pictures of each scene. As an action adventure kind of guy, I keep waiting for something to explode but that's just me. Great writing and a fun read. Good luck with it.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

Very much like the way events from twenty years ago can be used within the context of an up to date modern novel.

Hi Nora,

I've read your first chapter and enjoyed it. I'm looking forward to reading more. Your setting interests me because I was in Berlin right after the wall came down and got to go on both sides because my grandmother had a special pass. What memories! I still have token pieces of the wall, too.

Your descriptions drew me in to the story and Tim seems like a well drawn character thus far. Shall return at a later date for more. On my shelf now.

Heidi
Turning Red

You use detail very well. I like the way you start with the small -- Tim waking up in a bed he is unfamiliar with, adjusting the pillow, etc. -- and then expand his world (and the reader's) from there. Nice technique.

The second thing you do very well is evoke atmosphere. Night in the city, the S3, his job that kept him up until 3 a.m., all very evocative.

Finally, the mix of history with narrative is always a compelling hook, at least to me. The idea of setting this in 1989, when the Wall fell, is brilliant. It opens up all sorts of possiblities, characters, relationships, which I am sure, as I read more later, I will find that you took full advantage of.

Based on all the above, I am backing this.