Chosen

This writing is like cognac: strong, smooth, full of rich flavours. The wit of Inigo and his father is just as dry, 'there's not much point in having a seat on the Council if there's no one to sit in it'. Meanwhile, Hex is on the receiving end of unwelcome developments, which he's disinclined to suffer gladly, thus making a rather headstrong escape. He doesn't escape far as he's soon at the beck and call of a young noblewoman, about whom he's rather fanciful, 'leaving her unburdened self to waft ahead'. Occasionally a good deed does go unpunished, 'Do me the kindness now of remitting his chastisement', there's that cognac again, and here: 'swathed in a chartreuse morning gown ... to take up more than her fair share of the atmosphere'. I think I know what the prince was trying to say, 'My son'. Erk, and now Inigo. Things are getting unhealthy.

Chosen and wilders, the fantasy world is introduced to us as if it were no different from our own: no info dumps or explanations, just the unfolding story with its social strata and magic, and its ancient modernity. Polished to perfection ... I didn't see a single nit ... and so gripping that I read every scrap of the extract. I would buy this, and I'm backing it.

Fascinating, ingenious, imaginative, literate and with loads of Latin words and derivatives - just what I like! Don't let anyone stop you using your excellent vocabulary - it won't hurt your YA readers a bit if they don't understand the occasional word. How else will they learn?
Thanks for asking me to look at this. I did spot one eye-rolling but it worked in its context and caused me no pain! Looking forward to reading more; meanwhile, BACKED with enthusiasm.

Chosen
I liked Hex from the start. He's an outsider in his school and scorned by the headmaster for not being one of the "Chosen". Then he's scorned by Inigo, the son of his patron and the golden boy of the elite school. It seems that Hex.is in a no man's land of not being a servant but not being part of the family. He doesn't belong anywhere. The reader can see he's resourceful and is certainly no coward: you've made me care about what happens to him...so I have to read on.
Good writing in the way you describe what could be an exclusive public school and then an English stately home of an influential aristocratic family from before the First World War....almost. But something is not quite right. For example, there's talk of the senate and congress and the gods. This is not the land of King Edward VII, Westminster Parliament and the Church of England!
Yet the rigid class structure and the position of the servants seem familiar, and there's talk of the empire and the army. These are important aspects of both the Roman Empire and Edwardian Britain and even the prevalence of Latin words connects the two ages. It's an interesting connection and you convince us that this world really does exist.
After the cruel treatment by the Master, Elisabeth saves Hex from a more vicious whipping and we meet Inigo's cousins. It seems Hex does have friends, even if they'd not meant to be friendly with him. And there is Anver from the Wilders with his country ways and his magic. In his early childhood, Hex was a great friend of Anver, so can their friendship continue in spite of the different ways they are expected to live?
All the while there is a mystery. Who was Hex's mother and what happened to her? Also who was his father? Inigo says that his father was a womaniser and so could his father also be Hex's father too? Was that what was going to be revealed to Hex in the trip he was to take with him? And as the great lord lies dying he calls for his son while beckoning to Hex. Does that mean Hex was his son. After all, Hex has the fair hair and good looks of the "Chosen" and the lord spoke fondly of Hex's mother the morning before he died.
As he died he also warned Hex of the Dame. I'm wondering if the Dame heard the conversation at the breakfast table and was in some way worried about what would be disclosed on the trip. Did she then have her brother poisoned (very much in the style of the Romans!) and perhaps even kill her nephew, Inigo. In this way she could get rid of two obstacles to the money (we know she has no money and is kept by her brother.) Even better for the Dame, it's made to look as if Hex killed Inigo. This will mean her ten year old son will become the heir.
So Hex is in trouble and he needs the help of his few loyal friends. This is an exciting read which is intriguing and holds the reader's interest. It has well rounded characters, magic and even romance. I feel this story will be of great appeal to YAs and I don't think the Latin or Latin rooted words will put the YAs off. The words add intrigue and a sense of the unusual. Well written and engaging.
BACKED.
Cherry G.
The Girl From Ithaca

I'm really liking this thus far, but I think some more work could be done in the first chapter to reveal the steam-punk feel of the piece. I was a little confused when the cars showed up with the magic, so just consider that. I love the characters though, and they all have their own voices. I'm looking forward to reading the rest.

Hi Nicole

I have read the first three (real chapters) and I have already got a sense of the very likeable character of Hex. This is a fun read, with many comparrisons to books like Harry Potter and His Dark Materials, in the style and the setting; this genre is very much in vogue. I was also taken by the almost medieval style of language, juxtaposed with cars and the fantasy world.

Good luck
Crispy

Very interesting idea - the sort of historical 'What if' is always a good one. It helps if the reader is familiar with the past, in this case, the romans and the later Edwardian period. I suspect most YA readers won't be, which means something will be lost for them. I had one question: Is this a historical 'what if' - in which case, based in 'reality' or is it fantasy (spellblasts) with some historical what-if thrown in.

One other comment - I understood the french bit at the top, but younger readers won't. As a young reader I was infuriated with untranslated quotes. I'd spend hours trying to translate them rather than reading the story. I suggest you give the translation. Also, in the all important chapter 1 you have a lot of words that will not be familiar to young readers - rustication for eg. Without an explanation, you may lose their patience. Lots of names and words in here that they might get lost with.

Other than that - I love this! A really good idea, really good, strong writing. Believable characters that I liked - and your 'villan' - the perfect golden boy had his own flaws and issues which made him human. Your plot didn't flag, you brought in a new situation that tied in with what came before so the pace never flagged. Your hero was immediately presented with a conflict and off we went.

Dialogue works well and is believable and description just in the right amount to give background and flavour. Watchlisting this and it will hit my shelf soon.
Cariad
STONES.

I've read the first four sections and liked it enough to back it. I'm afraid an ignoramous like me could do with a translation of the Talleyrand, and I got the impression that the public school knowledge came from experience? Good luck.
Colet

Hi there, read your opening chapter and really, apart from below, couldn’t find much to say. The narrative and dialogue flow well. The minimalistic descriptions evoke an immediate response in the reader’s mind. Nothing is overdone, everything is tight and focused. I wish you the very best of luck with this. Your pitch reflects this, giving just enough information to draw the reader in. Backed.

Nitpick: Hex flinched and dust flew up into the sunlight. This sounds as though Hex’s flinch caused the dust to fly up. I assume it was due to the Prince hitting the chair, so perhaps: Hex flinched as dust flew up into the sunlight.

Everything Sly80 says in spades. Beautiful writing,a masterly control of the language so that it flows over the reader. One notices only the wit and the superb vocabulary. I also agree with the reader who said 'Let the Young Adults catch up' or words to that effect. A few abstruse words never hurt anybody, although I fear that theory may not take in some areas of the market. All in all a great read which I would buy myself. All the best Jaye
(Watchlisted, awaiting slot for definite backing)

CHOSEN-NSL Lee
hullo NSL. Good flow and defination of charecters.
Already shelved and backed and starred.
Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that if you have.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

hi Nsl,
you've created a magical, glittering, gothic, mathematical world, which presents the reader with as many contradictions as the adjectives I have just written. Very sharp in places, although I found the names, despite the intro, a tad confusing and had to return to the front-page a couple of times. The problem, slow upload, would not arise if this was published. Backed.

Ame
THE PONDERER'S BOX

Hi Nicole - I've placed your book on my shelf and have read the opening chapters which I enjoyed. It's a really fascinating idea you've created and I love the archaic Shakespearean touches mixed with a modern world. It's not usually the kind of book I'd go for but I think your writing is polished and coherent and professional and I found myself being carried happily along by your authorative prose. Good luck. I'm sure you'll do well. Best wishes and thankyou for backing 'Flower'.

I found this a very pleasant and absorbing read. I haven’t read much in this genre, so it is difficult to assess it. But, compared to what I have read, I liked your book more! I found that it gets better and better as it goes along and has some nice flashes of humour here and there. My only comment would be about the beginning, which doesn’t quite grip like the rest and is less easy to read because of the introductory info and difficult words(!). I worry that this might put off YA readers early on (and some adults, too!). Which would be a shame as, once it gets going, it is good stuff. The best of luck with it.

Hi!!! Your book looks prettie! ♥♥♥ ~I click chapters and tells me no chapters added!! I thought this site was free? I want free chapters first, then I will buy! I would keep this book for later but can't! Please help! ♥

I loved when Hex asides: 'except he's a tosspot' for example. This is richly written and I will pop it on my shelf now. Happily backed. Ceeds (thanks for your kind comments!)

So I've heard from friends in the publishing end of things the market is saturated with alternate-reality stories - I recall a few that even have, as this one does, a Roman Empire surviving into the present and future; one fine one I read has the SPQR spacefaring in our future - to the point that such manuscripts are mostly getting turned down. Unless, that is, they are very, very good, then who knows.

"Chosen" is very, very good. The author has clearly put considerable research and thought into creating a convincing setting for the story. The story is engaging, the narrative evocative, the characters realistic, and the pacing just right to keep this reader very much involved and quite unhappy when the story broke off!

Is it good enough to be seriously considered? I do not know, but indeed I hope so. My very best wishes to you.

--James

I love the idea of ancient Rome intermingled with the Edwardian era. It's like Gladiator meets Harry Potter and Downton Abbey. Hex is a lot of fun, an irreverent hero – my favourite kind.

Only slight niggle for me is having the character list as Chapter One. An editor will probably only read two or three chapters and it seems a shame to waste the first one with a character list as if it's a screenplay. You could always list the characters with the synopsis if you wanted to perhaps?

Wishing you lots of luck, I have a feeling this book will do well.

Berni
Renegades

So glad I backed this it deserves the recognition. Hex is a great character and the fantasy is rich and exciting. The story unfolds at just the right pace keeping a thread of suspense with the mystery of the background of Hex and if he will get out of trouble. This is adventurous with depth and is engaging. Great cover, and a good book.

Backed,

Lisa

This is an enthralling story right from the very first paragraph. The characters are substantial and pervasive, and you make them feel real with their strong thoughts and voices. Your vivid description of the various scenes also paint a befitting backdrop as each new chapter unfolds, and supports the characters as they travel through the storyline. The plot is well thought out and has a good sense of flow and meanders along like a fresh spring stream with a known destination that makes you want to walk along the bank to follow.

This book is right up my alley. I very much enjoyed the read and have willingly backed it.

Good luck!

Shelly
A Duke from the Past

Hi Nicole,
read all 13 and think this is a really good adventure tale.
Fab characters and descriptions fun to read and keeps right on its' mark.
Very good attention to detail think this will do very well
i liked it very much
:)
Diane

Like a lot of your other backers I have to say that I admire this as a confident piece of writing (in a weird way it feels like Evelyn Waugh meets JK Rowling). The reader's thrown into the action because you manage to shape a world quickly and effectively around Hex.
Good luck with it - although I'm not sure young adult would be the right market - it feels like it would appeal to 13-14 year olds (although they all think of themselves as young adults so that's probably fine!).
Gefordson
Nothing you can do.

Very well written, far better than most on here. I can imagine this having trouble being published in the US in its current form, but that may not be your goal anyhow. Bits of it seemed a little rushed, so I wondered if it could stand to be fleshed out a bit more.

Chosen is one of those rare reads that we sometimes find aimed at the Young Adult market where the book could stand as either a YA or a full adult title. The background with the Roman Empire still ruling most of the world into the Edwardian era is believable enough (one or two less crazy emperors and it could have happened) so the author does not have to really explain things, though the wealthy and decadent (and corrupt) nature is front and center. That’s good, because the plot is what we want to follow, lead by the truly amazing character of Hex. This is a great read that has huge potential to find success.

The one thing I would recommend is flushing out the novel in a few places. I’ve heard from many agents that YA novels should be between 75k and 85k words for a first time author. Only 62,000 words might be a touch light. The good news is that there are so many opportunities in Chosen where readers will want to know more, that author NSL Lee should have no problem adding to this excellent book.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

Rich characters and a damn good read! I enjoyed the first two chapters enough to know I'd like to read on..and that it deserves backing! Well done!

Great pitch, very gripping. Original plot and strong characters that get your attention. Definitely a wonderful fantasy read. I'm shelving this, and wish you the best of luck.

~Lilly S. Rowland

Hi Nicole
What a fascinating concept. Mind you, it's not such a leap of facy considering that many Edwardians descended from Roman Stock. Still, to connect the two is most imaginative. Th writing is strong, and fits well with the genre. Looks likke a winner!

Gerry Burnie
"Gerry B's Book Reviews" [www.gerrycan.wordpress.com]

This is really good! I don't read this sort of story much, but to me the dialogue feels very real. "Spot-on," my british friend would say.

Anne
Closeted Courage

A brilliant spin on history. I got to chpt 13 & think - I need to finish this.

really well done & backed gladly,

Rob

The support I have had during my illness has meant so much to me and has kept my book afloat whilst I was unable to attend to reviewing and backing. I am now feeling a lot better and will be visiting the site and playing my part once more, though for a while I cannot fully participate by writing out my comments for each one, so, I am backing without comment, other than this note, which I have cut and pasted to all. However, if you require a comment, let me know and I will try to oblige as soon as I can. Otherwise, you can take it that, by backing your book, I enjoyed your work. Love, Mary – Oh, by the way. I am making it my mission to help prevent breast cancer in the older woman by asking everyone to ensure you remind every woman in your family over the age of fifty to not miss her mammogram appointments. I had no outward sign of the malignant cancer inside my breast. My mammogram showed it up before it had time to migrate to my lymph nodes and so, saved my life. A little reminder could save the lives of the women you love. Thank you.

This is historical fiction that is captivating and fun to read. Best of luck. Backed.

History has always fascinated me. You've got an interesting story. Your also a strong writer. I hope you do well with this novel Nicole.

I love your imagination! Your writing style is a breath of fresh air. Your dialogue is period-appropriate, your narrative interesting. This is a great book to get lost in!

Backed with pleasure!

Best,
Cori

PS
Thank you so much for backing Princess. Your comments were greatly appreciated!

Hi NSL,
Thank you for commenting on my book. It was really appreciated. I've added your book to my watch list and will read it today.

I was wondering if you could cut and paste your comment to amazon.com. I had to change the title of my book, and I really need some reviews. Here's the link to my book. Hope it works, I'm having a devil of a time tryig to learn all the tech stuff.
WWW.AMAZON.COM/DP/B0043M4SM2

Hi

Great scene setting. Indigo and Hex are both strong characters. Your story unfolds well. Hex is a flawed well rounded character and yet likable. Well done. The boarding school scenes are realistic.
Backed.
Cheers Olga

NSL,

Intriguing pitch. Made me want to read. Good, strong dialogue, that gives an insight into the characters, especially Hex and his father. It flows well, and the descriptions are good, giving a vivid picture as to what is going on. A few sprinkings of old English words, enough to tell the reader that we are in another era.

I've read 3 chapters. Good so far.
BACKED

Good Luck
Marilyn

While Chosen is written in the fantasy genre, the author's detailed descriptions and crisp dialogue make the narrative believable. Backed with pleasure.

Nicole
Your writing has a clear and interesting storyline which makes for easy reading. With realistic dialogue and convincing depictions of the characters, it rapidly drew me in and kept me reading.
Best wishes
William (The Caves of Caerdraig)

Hi Alison,

Thank you for your kind comments, a Beryl Cook illustration would be fine indeed!

I think it must be extremely difficult to write a 'What If' scenario such as the Romans existing up to the Edwardian age but you have carried it off brilliantly, your style of writing reminds me of classic literature. Backed, Allen Cooke (The Earth is My Ant Farm)

The concept of ancient dialect and motor cars, un-nerved me a bit until I got lost in the story. Poor Hex has a lot to put up with - an excellent protagonist with a mystery to unfold. Good Luck K.J.

I must say I really enjoyed this! It was a little confusing at first figuring out the structure of the society, the significance of the Degaletera, difference between the Chosen and Wilder, etc., but not unbearably so - it even may have been part of what drew me in so quickly. Hex is a very likable character, your writing style is superb, and as far as I can tell there is only one major flaw - you have captured my interest, but the rest of the story isn't uploaded so I just have to sit here going crazy and wondering what happens next.

Good Lord, I had to drag the dictionary out four or five times in the first chapter alone.
Hey, it's not your fault, though. I should have been more diligent in school.
I'm intrigued enough by the premise, that I would gladly suffer a vocabulary lesson to get to the core of it.

Backed with pleasure...

Hey, NSL. I'm here, finally.
From the pitch, it looks like you've got enough going to keep the interest up. I read the first chapter. Probably just me, but I had a little problem with switching between the narrator and Hex thinking so often. No big deal, though.
I like your idea, and I believe you will carry it off, nicely. Below are some ideas that occurred to me as I was reading. Just some thoughts... you'd probably be best off to ignore them (haha). I have a tendency to rewrite everything I read. Irritating to everybody, but anyway...

He’d been in the corn field ditch, counting his takings from the Hostings Gold Cup, for only a moment when a breathless Junior reached him with the Head’s summons.

Saints be damned, he thought, what had he done now? .

Fenech vaunted itself as... (I don't like the name of the school. Then again, I'm American, so... figures, huh? (haha) - )

So, in fact, did Hex; but even at Fenech,

Reaching the low fence, he hurdled the gate, skidded through the lobby

‘Late as usual, Constantine,’ said the Head with a glowering look. ‘Where are your manners?’

Hex had always assumed that, in sending him to Fenech, the Prince thought he had more than fulfilled his duty to his inconvenient poor relation, without having to talk to him as well. Why was Welbeck asking after him? He’d never shown any marked interest in him before

Hex glowered inwardly. Except to kick our arses, he thought.


... said the Prince, using it himself without blinking. (I don't get what he's using)

...forsooth - (Really not fond of that word. Sounds like a joke)

The Prince advanced on him and stopped with his once-handsome, jowled face inches from Hex’s own. His small pale-blue eyes, reddened with fatigue or illness, glittered with an almost savage vigour.

So, now you can tell me to mind my own business and leave your writing alone. Anyway, all in all, I like the concept of the book and the style. I think it deserves a push. Backed with pleasure. Best of luck with it.

I love the way you write! I knew I would enjoy the work from your pitch and I was not disappointed! Smooth, concise and disturbingly familiar whilst being totally alien. I love it, I would. will, buy it. Backed!
Millie x

Great ending to chapter two. Now the reader knows Hex's thoughts. But they must read on to find out how he can survive without the luxury he is throwing away.

The novel is well written and easy to follow, even with all the different words. I particularly love: snarking Dega. a very inspired cuss for this future world that has all the similarities of our times with its wealth and privilage.

I'm backing your book and thank you for backing Still Rock Water.

There is a real sense of mystery about this story, one of the great hypothetical premises given expansion and brought to life. Fantasy and history combined and told in vivid and clearly defined style. An excellent novel.

Backed with pleasure, best of luck.

Jack Hughes
Dawn of Shadows

I've read the first four chapters and they are well written. I like the characters and there is a nice internal angst to the Hex character. He comes across as an underdog and I want to root for him. What I'm finding a bit jarring is the world itself. The book jumps immediately into the story of Hex and alludes to aspects of his environment, a war, serfs, etc., but doesn't quite provide enough context to grab hold of. It feels like the UK, but there appears to be a class of people with magical properties. There's an aristocracy with an aspect of arrogance and perhaps a penchant toward brutality, but it's unclear what the interrelation is between the two classes. I'd like to see more world exposition, which would help me better understand the motivation of the characters. Without that context, the story feels a bit too familiar.

All of that said, I like where the story is going and want to read more.

Best,

John Fracchia
The Chronicles of the Myst-Clipper Shicaine

This is exquisite. You have the most excellent command of words. The story simply flows from one wonderful paragraph or sentence to the next. The dialogue is perfect. I do hope this gets published. In my opinion it deserves it. Backed.

Well, well, well. Crafted, solid and honest to goodness Fantasy. Invented world and society with a few teasing similarities to our own. A few words suffice to create an environment that we more or less already know, peopled by larger than life creations. I like this. Backed.
Cheers, B. Cameron Lee (Diary of a Serial Killer)

I have read the first few chapters and found it a very engaging start. You have a beautiful style of writing which is very colourful and descriptive. This seems like the start of a very interesting story and I wish you the best of luck with it.
Rachael
(Dreamscape)

NSL, there's a good mix of narrative and dialogue in that opening chapter. Nicely done.

Backed with pleasure.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

You're crafting quite an imaginative tale here with a strong MC, Hex -- a deliciously memorable moniker, by the way --, at its core. The sentences are crisp and clean, the pace strong, and the promise of a continuously interesting tale in the chapters ahead all help to make this a page-turner.

Jonathan
MARTUK ... THE HOLY

I love this! You use great words a your characterization is strong. The words flow nicely and I had no problem keeping up with who was speaking. Good work with this and I wish you well! Backed!
Christi Watson
Wonder: Heart of Captivation- A Thief of Life Novel