The Assassin's Wedding

Wilf,

Okay, it’s been said before but I can’t not say it: brilliant hook line; brilliant pitch; brilliant opener. Let the entertainment commence.

There’s a balance here that I’ve seldom seen in other works on autho (although I must confess to reading the version on eighty8tales...it’s formatted better) – cynicism, humour, satire...they’re all here and behaving themselves like pups in puppy school, just patiently waiting their turn for a shot at the biscuit bowl. I’ve no idea if you’ve planned it that way, but if you have it’s masterful.

Ah, the good old Beretta – yes, my ‘Sam Brogan’ favours the .45 too :)

All told, this is a winner – it’s fresh and it’s clean, and if it’s not picked off the pile before it gets to the ED, something’s rotten in paradise. Best of luck – shelved, of course.

--Jack Ramsay (Brogan's Crossing)

This is outstanding. You write in a way that's almost Chandleresque - by which I mean that there's a definite 'cool' about your voice. I love the way chapter 1 starts with a short exchange with the vicar, then morphs into a flashback in the form of a reply, then you reveal that the reply never actually took place. This is playing with reality in a way only the very best novelists can actually get away with.

Your pitch, moreover, is a model of clarity and precision. I get the plot AND the tenor of the book simultaneously, and that again presages great things. Yes, this is going to go a long way. I want to be able to stand there at a bar and say smugly, "Yes, I backed The Assassin's Wedding when it was still only 308th". I wish I'd backed it earlier.

Bren Verrill.
THe Weird Problem of Good.

I always provide detailed critiques in my comments. This time I find nothing to criticize. Faultless writing, strong story and presumably a really tied-together plot. This is a yarn totally in tune with itself. It just flows off the pen, which usually means that you must have sweated hours over every word. You've got a winner here. It convinces right from the start. Forget the slippery ladder to the Authonomy's top desk. Go straight to the agents.
Backed anyway, even if you don't need it.

Alan Donaghue – Action! Comments and backing welcome, but only back if you think it is justified

Backed January 17.

Jesse - Savant

http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=14062

i like it, its differant. backed

best of luck

alison

hmmm from manhattan to nottingham to bangkok to new york... something tells me nottingham was a bit of a wayward drop off point =D interesting though, i'm from notts so am allowed to say it XD

BACKED

I get very little from comments about my own book, nowadays. Some people like it, some don't. Some people are too frightened to leave genuine feedback, while others seek to enforce their own style upon me. I want to get to the Ed's Desk to get professional comment. I would rather spend 30 quid than do all this reading and backing. I have got everything I want out of Authonomy community already. So I am backing your book so that you can reach the Ed's desk and get professional feedback, instead of the platitudes and devious backings that account for 80% of backing you receive. Only 20% of comments are genuine, and will add value to your work.

Now, who am I not to back you? I am not godlike. Your work might be flatly written, unoriginal or even down right bad. It could be wonderful. But in my experience, only you can be honest with yourself about your writing... and that is what matters.

So, I am backing you so you can reach the Ed's desk.


There you are.

BACKED
Hope you reciprocate.

This is excellent writing and great observation and humour. Loved it, backed with pleasure.
BADD

Hi Wilf, this is great. I like that funny, self-assured voice Michael has, and his diamond hard sense of humour. Life insurance salesman? What a brilliant cover for a hitman! Backed. Could you look at mine? Chris1

This is one of the best takes on being part of the underworld as a hired killer that i have every read. The take is built to sale. loved it. your main has such a understated wit and manner about him, that relates to me as a person that i could read his thoughts and a few out loud laughs backed.
CKH.

This is so funny, I can't believe it. Michael takes us nearly through the first chapter before he reveals that he didn't say any of this at all. I laughed out loud. Really. You have an excellent, polished style. I certainly didn't notice any mistakes. And your characters come across as amusing, realistic, individual. Michael is something almost impossible, a likable hit man. We are on his side from the start, and wishing that his marriage to Emily would go well, and he'd be able to change (though not into an insurance salesman, I hope.) A very witty and enjoyable book. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Great stuff. I've been trying to find something good to read on here for the past couple of days, and finally, success. I like the crisp style, the snarkiness -- your opening graf hooked me and I kept reading. The scene at breakfast, with the texts interspersed -- four co-workers out to eat and one of them gets instructions on who to kill. Well done.

Hi Wilf. Just put you on my WL. Fancy a swap? The Partisan - Chris1 (love the pitch - it's fucking hilarious!!)

I enjoyed this, Wilf. On my shelf.

The prose is pretty smooth with an appropriately conversational, almost chatty style. There are some very slick, wryly funny lines (my favourite: 'All curves and me with no brakes' - reminded me of Steve Martin in 'Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid'!!)

The dialogue feels real and gives a good insight into Michael's character. I really didn't like the way you mislead the reader with Michael's long description of his last kill, tho. Misdirection is fine but only if it's for a line or two. This goes on for pages. At the end, I did feel a little as tho I'd been cheated - not a great way to start a book.

Also, the lack of any reaction from the reverend all the way thru does jar. I know it's all explained in the end, but that doesn't help with the initial reading experience. Why not just have Michael thinking about his last hit whilst sharing banalities with the rev? Just a thought? At the moment, I'm afraid don't trust Michael as a narrator and probably wouldn't read on.

Thanks and best of luck. E

Observations on Ch1:
...making sure my cuffs are even [full-stop 'I kill people...etc'

Also, dialogue needs proper punctuation. ie separate full sentences with full-stops etc. (eg.'...I like this church, by the way [full-stop] It's nice.'

'sawdust-on-the-floor'

'morally lateral' - not sure what this means? 'morally vague'? 'morally ambiguous'?

'fifteen-year-old'

'age-old'

Use single quotation marks for reported speech within dialogue. ie 'Hey, watch it, buddy.'

'shock market' - typo?

Not very keen on the long 'phony' dialogue insert. It's a bit of a cheat. If it was a line or two, it'd be fine. But it's a good few pages. The fact that we get no reaction from the rev all the way thru the speech just made me think you'd forgotten to contextualise the dialogue?? The dialogue itself is great. Very funny. Cool. Snappy. I just think the 'device' you've used doesn't work??

'The last few seconds actually went' - clunky?

'...any minute now [full-stop]' He smiles...etc ...to learn [full-stop]

Oh, this is brilliant! I have no criticisms at all. Funny, perfectly paced and dark. Backed.

Wilf:

I backed this early into the book, but now I've finished what you have up. This excerpt is fast-paced and funny. In no part did I find my interest lagging or hesitate to keep reading. The humor is dry and subtle, in the way of all good satire. The plot takes unexpected turns and, for comedy, it's complex. The only thing I will say as a Yank is that the bit about his consultant giving advice on how to hit a president in a motorcade in Dallas won't go over well in the states. It's not something we make light of. Otherwise, I enjoyed this all the way through.

Good luck,

Jeanne

What a fun read, you got me completely wrong footed. I loved the scene at the bar but wasn’t too sure how he could drink a lot and stay sober, practice I suppose. The writing is very good and flows at a fast pace drawing the reader on with its easy going style. I enjoyed what I read and I am very happy to back this book.

Tony

Love the opening to your pitch – you’ve definitely got me interested! The opening doesn’t disappoint; pace storms along like a rocket. Terrific dialogue – you make the reader picture the Vicar’s changing face as he wonders about what he’s hearing haha! Pull the other one! Can’t be true – er, can it? Then of course the double whammy – he hasn’t said it at all! Brilliant! Wonderful characterisation too – the assassin that quite possibly doesn’t like killing – the drunk at the bar – the vicar who can’t hide his boredom. Wonderful hook at the end of first chapter – guy has to work at his own wedding! I want to read on. Shelved for sure.

Hi there - a brilliant pitch and opening chapter. Definitely a page-turner; I liked the conversational start and all the wisecracks, both within the dialogue and in the general prose. "Payne." "Ain't it just?" I could see this being a movie, easily, worthy of Tarantino; the cuts back and forth, the false start when the narrator fools us with what he actually says to the vicar. And then the kill itself, smoothly done - you manage to take us in with the assassin's faux-drunken chat, too. And a gun in the pocket to finish up with. Superb stuff, tightly written. Needs no work at all that I can see and I shouldn't be too surprised to see this on the shelves at some point.

P

HI Wilf, great read; funny, provocative and engaging, you tell a tale well. I'm happy to give this a bit of time on my shelf.
Michael (Bravo's Veil)

This is great, Wilf...from the pitch to the actual writing, I don't have a single quibble.

Your protagonist's voice is perfect, the humour is engaging, the situations are hilarious yet serious at the same time, the writing is smooth.

I'm going to try to keep this one shelved for a long time, but if I can't, I'll keep it on my WL and bump it back up from time to time.

You definitely deserve a place on Editor's Desk. I see a publishing contract in your future.

Cheers,
Sheryl (comment on mine? Backing optional)

hey wilf
i don't know where to start. i put this on my shelf because i was knocked out by your pitch and first few lines. now this morning i have read the first chapter and it's fab-u-lous. i just adore the narrative voice and the humour. i don't have any useful advice. don't change a thing. this deserves to be shooting up there to the ed's d and i'm off to the forum to tell people about it.

one thing, either it's a misprint or a joke i'm not getting : forever hold your peace rather than piece?

you made my day and i shall be coming back to read more. oh yes.
xx
maitreyi
BLOGSPOT

hey wilf
i don't know where to start. i put this on my shelf because i was knocked out by your pitch and first few lines. now this morning i have read the first chapter and it's fab-u-lous. i just adore the narrative voice and the humour. i don't have any useful advice. don't change a thing. this deserves to be shooting up there to the ed's d and i'm off to the forum to tell people about it.

one thing, either it's a misprint or a joke i'm not getting : forever hold your peace rather than piece?

you made my day and i shall be coming back to read more. oh yes.
xx
maitreyi
BLOGSPOT

Hi Wilf,
Apologies for the delay in getting back to you before this.
Will have practical comments shortly.
Regards.
Pat.

Hi there. Thanks for the enjoyable read.
This is funny intriguing, thrilling, funny, sick and fantastic!
Sorry I can't suggest improvements.
I only wish I knew how to do it!

cheers and best of luck with it........Mikey

CHAPTER 1
I’m the tiniest bit torn with this beginning – it is very good and very funny, but it’s also highly unlikely (they wouldn’t be shooting the breeze at this point in proceedings, the priest / vicar would likely have asked this at a different point anyway, Moonlight Sonata is inappropriate for a wedding, etc.). I think on balance the funniness allows you to get away with it, but I did feel it worth at least mentioning for consideration. Ignore as you choose!

The flashback scene, if we ignore aforementioned unlikelihood as me just being a killjoy, is sheer brilliance: I can absolutely feel myself in the club and in the moment. Quite a talent to accomplish that! I do feel more than a little cheated when we find out the flashback scene is faked. But then it helps with the realism a bit. I guess there’s no pleasing me!

CHAPTER 2
I know it’s realistic and probably everyone else disagrees with me, but I really, *really* hate text-fuckwit speak, and I refuse to believe the agency would not spell and punctuate their text messages properly. Pleeeeeeaaaase can they? It’s an immediate turn-off for me in what’s otherwise been highly enjoyable.

OVERALL
I read on through chapter three and began chapter four (I’m soon to return to it) when I realised that the only comments I was really making were stupid nit-picking ones or else personal preferences. It seemed kind of pointless to continue with a crit, given that realisation, and thought I’d stop to tell you I like this. It’s fun and deserves my backing. I’m going back to read on now.

Wilf,

As I said, in my message Sestius sent me. I'm glad he did. This is a great read.

The voice is good, a sardonic matter of fact view, with good observation. Love your strip club and Michael's observations of the genius of the owner.

Good dialogue too.

To me this has that feel of the Elmore Leonard style of fiction, interesting, likeable, but not necessarily good characters living on the seemier side of life.

Next you introduce Sarah and good dialogue painst a picture of her, without relying on any info-dump. Good stuff.

Your narrative rolls along, taking the reader with it, good hooks at the end of each chapter.

At the risk of sounding like a referal servicem have you seen Loco Moco Mamma by Tom Bradley Jnr? He has a similar Elmore Leonard feel.

I'm giving this one a quick spin on my shelf.

Hello, Wilf - apologies for late arrival. What a funny read. Loved it. One of the best short pitches I've read on here, a great premise and some catchy, ball-grabbing prose from the off. Reminded me of 'Grosse Point Blank', as I hope you intended. Lovely stuff. Random thoughts:

- "humo[u]rous": delete rogue 'u';
- "you heard me": what about "(yes, yes, I know)" instead. Do forgive the presumption, but it just sounds a bit... I don't know.... do you?;
- "happily[-]ever[-]after": think I'd hyphenate that, as a noun;
- some great one-liners, to many to quote. My fave? "Payne".... "ain't it though" *Perfect*, sir (*doffs hat*);
- go and read JD Revene's 'Appetites'. Similarly sexy writing in a strip club. Ding-dong, old chap, and tell him I sent you. Am sure he'll return the read.

Shelved, naturally. Best of luck with it - sestius

Dear Wilf, Finally I have got round to your novel. I love this first chapter. The dialogue is fast and funny and the twist at the end with the vicar having heard none of it even better. I look forward to continuing. Shelved.
Hilary Waters (The Piazza)

Hi -

The Assassin’s Wedding immediately clicks. The oh-so-self-consciously hard-boiled delivery with a Pierce Brosnan smirk doesn’t let the reader escape – except by finishing the entire book.

Since all cell phone communications are in the public domain, some words might best be never used. I’d suggest ‘kill’ become something cute - ‘visit’?

The Bugs Bunny costume was great. We all grew up glued to the TV. Who’s that other bunny you mention? Maybe the Energizer Bunny?


Jeffrey Miller
DOOR : Riversea

Hi Wilf,
On my bookshelf. Looking forward to reviewing.
Regards.
Pat

Playful. Gritty. Shelved.

fantastic! 3 chapters in and i know i'll be back to finish it. a fantastic opening that kept hold of me all the way through. only breaking off as i have to do some work. this ticks all the boxes for me, glad i came across it. shelved.

After such promising pitch, I did not hesitate to click on Read. And you delivered. An unusual hero – who would have thought that a professional killer could be likeable? – odd situations, witty dialogues and skilful descriptions, you have it all. On my shelf.

Come and visit my page sometime! You won't be bored, I promise.

Iva P.
Fame and Infamy

your first paragraph is brilliant. i could see the Rev's face. well done and you invoke the readers emotions be it the anxiety of the waitress. i find no fault wtih your writing or your style and the story is exceptional. it made me think of the movie the assassin. your title's drawing.
your book's on my shelf and all the best

bw
merle

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this is sooooooooooooo funny.
"I was here last week. Working" that was hesterical. LOL!!!!
You have no idea how happy I am to find that the full ms is here. The moment the summer break starts I'll be back.
omg!!!

Shelved
Kimmy

The Assassin's Wedding

Hi Wilf, Every now and then you come across something quite unique and extremely clever on this site. This is great, escapist, silly, well described and funny. I loved it, some great one liners, reminiscent of Christopher Brookmyre for comic timing, in fact, if you haven't read any of his I would have a look, they're great just like this is.

Well done, backed without hesitation, best wishes - Andrew W.

Wilf, there is a wonderful streak of dark humour in this book. Somehow you've made what should be a horrible man likable. Hi methodology, reasoning, all make me want to sit and have a chat with him. My main question is how you're going to mix a wedding and a murder at the same time. And why? Why not take him out on an earlier day or a later day? Why risk mixing the two together? I guess I will have to read on to find out the answers.
Great read.
Lisa

Immediately fell for this book by the pitch alone and shelved it then. I'm glad I did! So entertaining.

Hello Wilf,

You crafted a compelling story here with a first chapter and opening line that hooked me to the story right away. Crowned by Michael, your characters are vivid, lively and unforgettable, a testament that you have a way with people. Michael is an assassin, but one that does not easily attract negative emotions.

I see clues in the unfolding plot and it is easy to say that he would be haunted, but how and by what composition of enemies, I can not tell. That attests to an intriguing but simple plot. The pace is great, play with words (American-British ) hilarious and dialogue and narrative effectively used.

Such a smooth writing and fast pace, amazing characters and gripping plot are the hallmarks of a well-written story.

All the best.


Janvier (Flash of the Sun)

I'm getting hooked to your story, love it and enjoyed what I have read so far. I find writing in the first person point of view quite trick but you seem to do it very well. Very interesting story, wish you all the best,


-Anashe

This book is a lot of fun to read. All the previous recent comments say it all. Very well done. It should be published, and of course it needs to be shelved. You've more than earned it. You make me feel as if I can learn something from an assassin who you make likable! Now that's something.

I am hooked on this one. Fabulous writing. Love the hook. I did get confused going into ch. 2. Perhaps a line saying "8 months ago" or "2 weeks earlier". The MC's voice is great.

Great entertainment, excellent idea, absolutely sick. I really like it.

Hi wilf
Love the book have watchlisted it. when you get time please look at daddys little spy - isabella think you'll enjoy it. isabella

Wilf, excellent work! Had me chuckling like a chuckling thing. But surely a full English should include black pudding? Shelved.

Hi Wilf,
Brilliant, I thought you were going to have problems pacing the story after chapter 1, but 2 was a great change of pace and very witty - oh before I forget - shelved

You may have the longest set of continous unassigned speech since Shakespeare at the end of CH2. Great stuff. but I think it might be improved by breaking it up. Just a personal view.

I'm impressed. This book is going to do very well on here

Cheers

John

Fantastic pitch and equally great opening. You clearly know what you're doing and I'm loving it. Shelved and good luck! Maria

Hi Wilf,
I am looking forward to reading further. Your synopsis intrigued me.
Will be back to you with more detailed comments.
On my watchlist.
Regards.
Pat.

Hi Wilf

You had me at 'forever hold thy piece'! LOL!

Deserves a space on my shelf!

All the best
Elaina
Gathering of Rain

Hello Wilf,
Fantastic pitch and the book lives up to the high expectations it sets. Your dialogue, humour, multiple underhanded references and sheer pace reveal that your are an exceptional writer. This is destined for good things.
Shelved, and best of luck.
Tony (Sirocco Express)

Wilf, Wilf, Wilf!

This is a very clever book. And hugely entertaining. 'Laugh out Loud' funny. The first chapter is, well...extraordinary! Breathy, yet almost whimsical despite the carnage!

On my shelf, and good luck with this.

Best.
Martin.
(My House on the Fjord)