Confessions Of An Honest Man

Ok, confession of my own - this is the first thing I've read on this site. If the rest are as good, I'm in for some free reading. Aaron's school life is horrific and reads truthfully of peer pressure and the total conviction of everyone of that age that they know everything. And everybody wants to be someone or something else, of course. Rough beginning of a life, good recovery into a complete person. I think you can stop polishing now. Or has your wife told you that already? Speaking as someone who gets told the same 'I just revised chapter' fill in the blank, I can sympathize. Nice work. Speaking as a sporatic book buyer - money comes, money goes, hit the library when it goes - the beginning is a good hook that would have a pretty good chance of making it to the check-out lane. And it keeps on pulling me back in. It's too bad the site keeps cutting paragraphs and sentences into fragments, since it does mess with the flow at times.

Cinn aka DJ
Bumble Keep Orphans' Society - Apply within
Bring your own knife

Art
Excellent writing. Great action in Chapt 1 with the big fight scene on the hood, then Ch2&3 slow the pace to do background on Aaro'ns musical genius. You garner a lot of sympathy for him and his struggle against godzilla mom. Then we get back to the band with Tyrone and Zoot, great characters. I loved your line: sirens dopplered past. . but I expect only engineers will get that reference. Fun read, good luck with it.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

This book lives up to your pitch. While I'm not a jazz fan, I find your writing about music to be some of the best
I've read, and it has helped me to understand jazz a lot better. All good music shares the qualities you describe. You just have a way of handling the subject of "soul" that makes sense. Can anyone define the word "soul"? Are we discussing a spiritual entity, are we discussing an earthy musical quality? Are we talking about the psyche, or the unconscious? It can't be defined, yet as I read this book I feel that I am reading a supremely soulful book. It's witty, it's sad, it's touching. I cry when I identify with the struggles of Aaron and Sarah to bring themselves out of their childhood wounds. I've had the same struggles, and I think a lot of people have also
worked through these issues. I've read the book through once, and I'm begininng again because i think it deserves another reading. Great work, Art.

Morninstarrs

As my legion of fans will notice, I've given this book a new title. After thirty five years as the other title, now I
have a book called "Confessions Of An Honest Man." I'm still getting used to it but I think it serves; it has
humor, irony and powerfully symbolic words. Okay, the old title didn't mean anything, either. Perhaps this
is a turning point in my career. Perhaps this is the moment when readers begin to recognize my transcendent
genius, my power to change lives with the magic of words. Or...maybe not.

I am so glad you've hung in to read a substantial portion of this book. I think my writing gained momentum as I
got deeper into the story. I devote a lot of space to Sarah and her eating disorder and hospitalization in the second
half. I find those parts particularly touching and I love Sarah's therapy sessions. I'm baiting you guys here, really, I want you to read the book because it has many surprises. I also have some space for the "evil" kids, Mark and Marilee, and marilee's honeymoon is both vicious and funny. Nicole, I deleted t he western piano player para, that was smart advice, and Patricia, I fixed the trailing second chpter. I will be reading Godmother's Wand and Chosen very soon. Again, thank you, you've helped me a lot.

Art

Wow, intriguing beginning, but I think your short pitch was the real star-- I was so excited about it I didn't even bother watchlisting, I just started to read! Although the writing style itself isn't as dark as I expected (or hoped it would be), I still had fun.

Hi Art

Wow, this is really good. Such a dramatic opening and you get everything that you want across right away, the jazz, the cool, the hipsters, it's really controlled and atmospheric, you take the reader right along with you. The only thing I'd excise is the para where Aaron talks about the piano player in Westerns, it's too self-reflexive. Shelved.

Nicole

This is like drinking whisky, shot after shot (not that I do that). Very very powerful. Esther is such a witch. And the musicians have such life. Somehow Aaron survives this torment. I am on chapter 17.
Chapter 2 trails off, I believe.
This is not easy reading! It's compelling though.

Backed,
Patricia (Godmother's Wand)

The Kantro family are human beings. It seems as though they're moral natures are split right down the middle.
Aaron, Sarah and Max are decent people trying to live according to their best values and perceptions. The others, Esther, Marilee and Mark, exemplify Zoot Prestige's definition of evil: When someone hurts and tries to pass their pain off on others to make themselves feel better, that is evil. This is such a simple formula and I can use it in my daily life as i see people taking responsibility for their own pain, or I see the opposite, I see people blaming others, and in the blaming they spray a venom of resentment and abuse. Your book is about the nature of good and the nature of evil. It's entertaining, it's gripping, and it reaches into the heart of our lives to explore some of the most profound questions. You do this without losing your sense of humor. When things get too heavy, there's always Zoot Prestige around to put things in perspective. I love this novel. It's original and beautifully written and achingly touching. I've been following your updates, and there's been a lot of smoothing out in the first three or four chapters, your language is getting simpler, the flow smoother.
I have reached the Afghanistan War segment, quite a long segment, and I've never read more riveting combat
scenes. It's impossible to stop reading! I dearly hope this book reaches publications. It may not be the
Authonomy book du jour. It seems stuck and I don't understand why more people aren't reading it,
backing it, talking about it. You've done a lot of work on this and I hope the work bears fruit.

Best
Morningstarrs

Thanks, Jenny. My wife and I have an in-joke. We laugh every time I say, "Honey, I've revised Chapter Three"
or whatever it is. I say that three or four times a day, and I've been saying it for years, so it's f a code we
have. I'll read the revision, she'll give me astute comments and the process continues. I began this novel
in 1978.

Art

Very vivid, with excellent ideas and a very clear manner in which you get the charectors and plot across. However, I felt that some of the sentences were a little fragmented, though I couldn't entirely put my finger on what it was. The text didn't seem to flow as smoothly as it could, but not in a bad way. A little editing to make the text flow better and you are definately onto a winner. Backed on what I have read so far.

-Jenny-

Damn, what an intense opening. I like how Zoot stays cool throughout the shooting. "We're hipsters." Also, the white drummer. This is awesome writing. Your dialogue is sharp and witty and fun. You create vivid images in the reader's mind with your dramatic pose. The shooting outside the car is done so well. WL.

Art,

This is what I would call a very layered story. Aaron is an interesting character. I like the way you not only start off with the challenge he faces in joining a 1967-era jazz band, but you also take us back in time to his childhood. Good stuff. And there are some very memorable lines here, like: "Become a black man!" He ordered his young drummer. "Immediately!"

I can tell, just from these early chapters, that you have put together what amounts to a sweeping saga. Best of luck with it. You're on to something here. I've enjoyed reading it so far, and will continue.
Shelved.
Mark

I wonder how many times I've revised the first page? A couple hundred? The first sentence has been transformed countless times in the 35 years I've worked on this book. I've tried at least a hundred pitches and at last I think I've found one that does some justice to the book. A novel is about transformation. Characters run into difficulties and danger. In overcoming these obstacles, they experience changes in their character. They are either smarter, wiser, or in the case of unsympathetic characters, they've gone down the tubes, met their just fates. A reader gets huge emotional satisfaction from seeing a villain experience justice. That's what villains do, they perpetrate injustice upon our characters, and the novel is then a struggle towards righting the wrong. That's a broad simplification of the novel writing process, but it helps me as a guideline. If only real life worked this way. I haven't given up. I think real life may be more just than we suppose. We've heard it a thousand times: Life isn't fair. What if it is? All we need to do is learn to see the justice,
to look deeper. Cast off your chains, o readers and writers! Ignore the cliches fed to you by parents, teachers,
judges, policemen, shrinks and prison wardens. Life is fair! Now, repeat this a hundred times daily in front of
a mirror.

The Vice of Courage...

forgot to mention two things: your title (I guess I'd like something more musical) and your pitch...fine for authonomy, but not fine for agents...and I do so want you to get this thing published.

The Vice of Courage...

I got interrupted last time, and was generally distracted, but now I'm back...and boy oh boy, am I back!

This is wonderful. I feel for Aaron (I was the white girl in an all black Cuban band for three years.) I find it strange that you can read a book one day (e.g., the first time I tried to read Toni Morrison's Beloved) and perhaps not be entranced, and then three weeks later, you're hooked. I guess the same thing happens to editors and agents.

Anyway, I do so love this. The metaphors are superb, the characterizations are superb (with one possible except...the mother might be a little two-sided; perhaps if you give her some reason for being such a bitch, ti would work better), the descriptions are super and don't interfere with the story's flow. Bravo.

I can't remember if I backed this the first time I read some of it, but now I'm backing it again.

Cheers,
Sheryl
IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES (would love your honest reactions)

Art,

This one is a mixed bag for me....at times it seemed overwritten, at times I felt the writing could be stronger and at times this was amazing poetry. (Ex. early in the story you describe the sound of gun fire as being, "rounder, weightier...", that's just great writing.)

By all means it's the story and action that keep the reader involved in this read. It pulls us along page after page. So this is only one opinion, but I think that if the writing was more consistent, this could be a classic.

Lockjaw

Thanks for the insightful comment, Rob. There is a point in the narrative where the time line irons out and we find ourselves in the "present", and the story goes from about 1965 to 2006. No flashbacks or flashforwards. I think Esther's behaviour is explained, although why she is so evil is a matter of her inner moral compass. Everyone gets bad breaks. Not everyone takes out their rage on other people. Zoot makes a very cogent definition of evil during one of their interludes on the road. Think: a definition of evil. How useful that is!
I will reciprocate your read asap. I'm very appreciative.

Art

Best

Art,
I almost keeled over when I read "Olivette, MO." Perfect oddball choice for a suburban town just outside St. Louis, a big city where racial division and religious prejudice continue on a scale unimagineable in some circles. In the 1950s children did indeed ride the bus or a streetcar everywhere, including music lessons or shopping downtown or a library up the road. The gun battle, as viewed from the car interior, was mesmerizing, funny and scary as hell, all at once, in a snappy, jazz-beat kind of way. The difficult family life exuded an authenticity that is heart breaking and established the psyches of each character as they travel through your story, which is sure to be a very intriguing look at the formation of an artist.
I'll bookshelve this momentarily. Best wishes.
Mary

I've read parts of both your books and I am stunned. Here i will try to react to "The Vice of Courage".
The beginning is a mighty hook, nothing grabs your attention more than a gun battle. To have humor layered
on top of this lethal encounter is harbinger of things to come. In chapter two I started to feel the pull on my emotions as Aaron's dilemma was revealed. The first few chapters would be terribly sad if it weren't for
your clever manipulation of time, flashing forward to the adult Aaron and his adventures with jazz musicians.
Zoot Prestige is a character I will never forget. I felt such a powerful attraction to this mentor, this 62 year
old veteran of the jazz worldl. I begin to see how he will impact Aaron's life. This is just beautiful, soulful
writing and I will be reading the book to the end. Try and stop me!

'all right, one more chapter...all right one more...one a.m....okay, last chapter...'

Art, you have a genius (too strong a word? i dont think so) for portraying not only charcters' personalities but the psychological foundations for them, in one or two short paragraphs no less. Some brilliant phrases; '...closed like a spider's legs around her heart.' Also some over-worded bits; 'Sarah used the opportunity to slip behind the kneeling figure of her mother...'

the story's development is quick but deep. a rare combination and worth fair praise. great stuff so far. more to come i am certain...
kevin

Hi Art,

WOW, this is a fantastic idea, I'm immediately scared and interested to find out what is going to happen and what indeed did happen to make them turn out like this. Well done. Your enthusiasm comes through too - good energy, which is very important. I'll get back to you when I've read more. Happy writing, Deirdre05 "Roma Amor"

I really like the voice here, and your story is compelling. Sounds really genuine. Shelved and good luck.

Dania (The It! Refugee)

Rita, that's lovely. Thank you. The book isn't in first person and I make no claims to it being autobiographical;
I don't dare! Corrections duly noted and fixed. I was taught that two spaces followed a period, one space
after a comma. Has it been changed? We're talking about my education in the sixties. After all these years of
writing, I only now discovered the paragraph symbol at the top of Word's toolbar. Hello, instant formatting!
What a lot of trouble I could have saved myself. Now I'm hand formatting three books. I'll try to make reading
time for "Goodbye Is Hard To Say". Great title.

best to you, stay sane

Art

I'm impressed, Art. The Vice of Courage is a fine story. The opener is a sure fire hook. You're in and you're going to stay - no question. Your writing style is perfect: snappy and involving with nice short paragraphs and chapters. The real draw though is your story, which has many similarities that I can identify with. Aaron's mum is by no means alone in wanting him to become a doctor or a dentist, although her pretty awful response when Aaron gets his first musical opportunity is I guess unusual, to say the least! I'll be returning for more and I wish you luck. I also much appreciate your backing + helpful comments on Weimar Vibes. Shelved. Phil.

Thank you Michael. Maitreyi, you're right. only one wannabe. your tips are great. I was working on Ch 46, "Wedding Night Plus One," where the always predatory Marilee attempts to make her husband "happy" on their honeymoon. The humor is utterly vicious but I was pleased with the result, a character study and a glimpse into the wisdom of "saving it for marriage". I have so much to read! I try to read and feedback everyone who shelves me (sounds painful but it isn't, of course).

Stay sane

Art

Art

Hi Art, an intruiging and entertaining story, your book was a nice change of pace. The mc is compelling and the pace is well measured. I enjoyed the humour and the atmosphere you created. I'm happy to give this a bit of time on my shelf.
Michael (Bravo's Veil)

i'm enjoying the ride with Zoot. utterly believable to this english country gal but more importantly, i can identify with what's going on.

this is amusing and quirky. i really like it and i'm going to pop it on my shelf to dip into.

re the pitch : IMO a pitch can only support one 'wannabe'.
xx
maitreyi
BLOGSPOT

Setondan, I'm very proud of this book. i just revised page one, AGAIN!. It's not perfectionism, it's just love, and
a need to have a certain rhythm worthy of the tale. Your words are very kind and perceptive. The most pleasing
thing to hear is that it's easy to read. I don't want it to be work, it should be fun.

Thanks for the backing. Makes me interested in your book, I'll look n' see.

Art

Evokes a rich tapestry of human emotion in a wild chaotic tale. Easy to read style that keeps the reader hooked, wanting to know what possibly could come next. Creativity and imagination at a high level here. Its fast moving literary thought provoking style while telling a story that compels a thirst for historical education is quite a feat, and you hit it on the head. Kind of like what I tried to do in my book, Great job. I'm glad to back this book.

Hi Art,

This is a compelling story with a great opening that pulled me in right away. Wonderful characterisation; Zoot, Aaron and Tyrone felt real and I could just picture them. Your vivid descriptions create a great sense of setting that came alive and flew off the pages.

Superb prose and great sentence structure that made this story easy to read.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

Art - After one chapter i have decided you have what i want: a deep, thick style that feels genuine. i love your phrasing. '..seats...exhaled when sat upon.' , '...long and sleek as a submarine' , 'he made a few mock rolls with invisible drum sticks.' Simple but great visuals. Your words and paragraphs flow beautifully. Envious and sold. On my shelf.
kevin

Kevin, thanks for the boost. I needed one. I hope you can read the whole book, I'd like for someone to
actually do that, you know? It's a little late in the evening for me to take on Tunge but you have a fine style,
I'm a little confused as to what is happening but I know a writer when I see one. Ohayo gozaimasu. You're
not the first person I've met who has spent time teaching English in Japan. An interesting experience, I'm
sure.
art

Paolito, an interesting and useful comment, which motivated me to revise the first page. I think you got my book mixed with someone else's in your first comment, grandmothers? philosophizing? we all get mixed up, I have to go to other windows to look at what I'm reading and who I'm reading. I wrote a new pitch, number fifty two, or three, and it's getting better but the onus of putting this into 200 words is not easy.

many thanks,

Art

Art - After one chapter i have decided you have what i want: a deep, thick style that feels genuine. i love your phrasing. '..seats...exhaled when sat upon.' , '...long and sleek as a submarine' , 'he made a few mock rolls with invisible drum sticks.' Simple but great visuals. Your words and paragraphs flow beautifully. Envious and sold. On my shelf.
kevin

Okay, I've read the two chapters you requested....c.2 has the same problem as c.1...S&R out of whack.

However, I'm rooting for Aaron big-time, and that's good...bodes well for your overall narrative drive.

Please change your pitch and talk about the actual story. Who is your protagonist? What does he want? What obstacles will he face along the way? Specific without revealing the conclusion (and for heaven's sake, don't look at mine for a good example...I'm pitch-challenged.)

Shelved for a bit to encourage you to keep on writing.

Cheers,
Sheryl (comment on mine? Backing optional)

Comments on c.1....The opening scene could be a lot stronger if you keep in mind the principle of Stimulus and Response. Everything in a novel is S&R (as opposed to S&M), from the first word to the second, the first sentence to the second, and so on and so on.

An example where S&R are out of whack is Aaron's Jesus fucking Christ...should follow immediately after the event which triggered it and not separated by the prior paragraph. I'd move that para (and make it shorter) to after his reaction.

Add to that principle, the fact that during a scene with gunfire, people usually don't take the time to wax poeti or think about their grandmothers; they just want to get out alive. So, your backstories don't fit in the middle of the gunshot scene...little snippets, maybe, but go easy.

Okay, so you're going to throw back at me Pulp Fiction, but even in Pulp Fiction, the philosophical discussions came either before the high action or after it, not in the middle.

The world of musicians is not foreign to me (three years in Cancun playing keyboard for a Cuban band), which is one of the reasons I wanted to read some of this one.

Reading on....

To quote from the book. "The irrelevance of his personal pain was a profound blessing." This is from the episode where my protagonist, Aaron Kantro, goes to Afghanistan in 1982 in hopes of smuggling some opium back to the states. He's become a mess; he feels contempt for himself. From being a successful musician, playing with Jimi Hendrix and jazz greats, he's descended to sleazy hotels and finally homelessness. Witnessing war in Afghanistan, walking through battle with the Mujahiddin, he decides that he must change himself, completely, or die. It is this pivotal moment in the book where Aaron's healing begins. It won't be easy. But that is the meat of the book, the psychological struggles all people endure as they try to undo childhood abuse, bad decisions as adults, the whole human mess. Sounds serious, I know, but the book
is also HUGELY funny and enjoyable. The suspense at times is white knuckle stuff. Come read a few chapters!

A

After that I'll never let my kids play in a band. Thank God they are not musical. Great opening scene. You have me engaged. C.P

Janvier, "a conflict in the soul of a family" is a lovely compression of my book's theme. I appreciate your
support. I'm set for a long haul with "The Vice Of Courage", it will slowly gather attention. I will have to be patient. I've been reading some of your book but I'll make comments on the appropriate page.

Thanks so much,

Art

Hello Art,

This is a compelling story with intuitively observed characters that you successful brought to life with alacrity and permanence in the mind of those reading this story. I absorbed me completely. You brought together a beautiful collection of characters that mirror a conflict in the soul of a family. From the start, Zoot, Aaron and Tyrone are fascinating and hilarious characters. The writing is smooth and the setting colourful.

I applaud your descriptive strength and marvel at the insightfulness of the plot. You did a good job crafting dialogue and narrative to give this hard story a soft feel.


I have to say that you have an insightful story here that deserves a spot on my shelf.

All the best.

Janvier (FLASH OF THE SUN)

Art, this child of yours has been lovingly groomed. Not a hair out of place! It’s about music, talent and family relationships. Of Afghanistan there’s precious little and I can’t figure out why it is so prominently featured in your pitch. The writing is top notch. Shelved.

Iva P.
Fame and Infamy



Iva, first let me say thank you. Every comment I get is huge, every shelf or watchlist. There are 70-odd pages
of gut gripping Afghanistan action from Chapters 46 or 48, I'm not sure because I'm out of sync. I just
try different pitches every week. That segment is so important because Aaron finally straightens himself out
when he sees real and very different suffering, and realizes how irrelevant is his personal suffering .

Art

Art, this child of yours has been lovingly groomed. Not a hair out of place! It’s about music, talent and family relationships. Of Afghanistan there’s precious little and I can’t figure out why it is so prominently featured in your pitch. The writing is top notch. Shelved.

Iva P.
Fame and Infamy

Kim, thank you so much! I'll be reading more of your book. Nothing beats the support of fellow writers.

Best
art

Dear Art,

Loved the Heliocentric Hot Sauce of chapter 1!

In one fairly short opening chapter, you give us a superb sketch of the smooth Zoot, the baby boy Aaron, and the self-preservative Tyrone.

So many turns of phrase that called out: "seats exhaling when sat upon," "unlikely as a 300 pound jockey," "hoping to disappear via the flawed logic of an ostrich."

You set the scene beautifully, where cool jazz and hot gunfire mix it up on a Detroit night in '67.

Tyrone's the organ player, Aaron's the drummer. But Zoot, the "master of jazz and blues" isn't given an instrument until deep into the chapter, when we finally hear about the tenor sax. Done purposely?

Nice way of describing Aaron's reaction to the sound of his first gunshot. Love the visual of the blue & orange of the club glowing on half of Zoot's face, as well as the description of Z's voice, velvet/sand, Scotch/smoke.

This is a marvelously textured opening for what will be, I'm sure, a wonderful story about to unfold. Will return to read more because, simply put, I must. But for now: Shelved.

Dear Art,
This is fascinating. I enjoyed the riveting first chapter, fast pace, hot dialogue, but as I read on I was so impressed that this is only one part of the story. You crafted the character of Aaron with a great deal of tenderness. I felt for him immediately - this poor child at the bottom of the pecking order, who believed all mothers were brutal. I felt glued to the chapter, vested in Aaron's wellbeing and his desires. I felt that same "limp with relief" that he felt when he won his fight - the fight for music and his place in the orchestra.

For me, it is the contrast, written with such mastery, that sets your work apart, along with the natural but profound insights into this family. Just in two chapters I see that this will be much more than an enjoyable or even enriching story. This is also a study in humanity, in choices, environments, but something even deeper...the question of what makes a person who he/she is and will become. I'm convinced this will be a gripping book, but also a significant one.

Pleased to shelve it,

Lizzie, I'm thrilled to have someone appreciate this work at the level you are reading. If I'm going to spend
thirty-forty years on a book, it needs to be worthy of the effort. I'm proud of this book and hope you read on
to the end. I am some chapters into Dionysus and I see the kindred passion each of us has for our
creative journey. You've done well in getting attention focused on your book. Congratulations! I'm still
crawling up the ramp an inch at a time.

Best
Art

Dear Art,
This is fascinating. I enjoyed the riveting first chapter, fast pace, hot dialogue, but as I read on I was so impressed that this is only one part of the story. You crafted the character of Aaron with a great deal of tenderness. I felt for him immediately - this poor child at the bottom of the pecking order, who believed all mothers were brutal. I felt glued to the chapter, vested in Aaron's wellbeing and his desires. I felt that same "limp with relief" that he felt when he won his fight - the fight for music and his place in the orchestra.

For me, it is the contrast, written with such mastery, that sets your work apart, along with the natural but profound insights into this family. Just in two chapters I see that this will be much more than an enjoyable or even enriching story. This is also a study in humanity, in choices, environments, but something even deeper...the question of what makes a person who he/she is and will become. I'm convinced this will be a gripping book, but also a significant one.

Pleased to shelve it,

Lizzie, I'm thrilled to have someone appreciate this work at the level you are reading. If I'm going to spend
thirty-forty years on a book, it needs to be worthy of the effort. I'm proud of this book and hope you read on
to the end. I am some chapters into Dionysus and I see the kindred passion each of us has for our
creative journey. You've done well in getting attention focused on your book. Congratulations! I'm still
crawling up the ramp an inch at a time.

Best
Art

Art
Lizzi

I am shelving this based on the idea that anyone can maintain a musicians voive for 144000 words. Nicely done. VEry believable.

Andrew, you have no idea how much your comment helps. I go through periods of heartbreak. Not discouragement, just pure heartbreak. I love my books and think others should love them too. My characters are, of course, extensions of myself, so how can I not bleed for Aaron and Sarah? it's morning and I've just had my coffee and I'm not organized in a literary sense, so if this rambles, I apologize. Suffice to say, you've made my day. I will return the favor and read your work though I am, like everyone else here, virtually bogged down in obligations to read this and that and end up scanning. Not good enough. Every writer works like a fiend and such work should be attended to with care. Oh, hey, I only discovered the Paragraph symbol up top of my MS Word toolbar, the tool that enables me to see that my line breaks turn out properly. After all these years!

Non fiction "Green HIghway" is up, and coming next, a big science fiction novel.

Best
Art

This is good stuff, Art. On my shelf.

This feels like a very classy, original piece of work. I've only read a couple of chapters, but already I get a clear sense of sweeping, multi-generational novel taking shape. There doesn't seem to be an equivalent in the UK of 'The Great American Novel' and I'm always impressed by the ambition of a novelist who takes on something so all-encompassing. Great stuff.

The prose is very smooth. It rattles along at a good clip and there are some terrific turns of phrase (eg. 'bare vapor of a smile') The sense of time and place is clear but not OTT (loved the detail re the car in the opening chapter and the simple domesticity of the 1950s chapter) The dialogue feels real and helps to flesh out your characters (I loved the idea of a 'bitchin' clarinetist'!!)

In short, a very accomplished, grown-up piece of writing. Best of luck with this, Art. A

No real nitpicks altho your line spacing does go a bit haywire sometimes!

Most of this I can't fault. The presentation of the pitch, however, can be improved. Presently, the pitch is one big blob. To the passing reader it looks uninviting and and appears to be hard work. We're lazy! If it doesn't look easy, we'll pass it by. I suggest you break this up into four or five short paragraphs for ease of reading. I shall return [hopefully]

Thanks, Abs. I write a new pitch every few days. They're filling up my closet. I've got no room for my shirts.
I'll try another soon, but I'll have to throw out some really old pitches.

Art