Book Jacket

 

rank 7166 (-120)
word count 29627
date submitted 15.05.2009
date updated 15.05.2009
genres: Fiction, Comedy, Crime
classification: adult
incomplete

The Big Rusty Lie

Ryan Speck

 

An insane but brilliant detective and his Asian chauffeur search for a lost heiress and find everything but.

 

Bernardo Walterhaus is a detective on a mission: find a missing heiress that no one else can seem to locate. But this is no ordinary detective. Bernardo is the self-proclaimed "world's greatest detective," on the run from forced imprisonment in the Lombardo Institute For The Mentally Sub-Standard and yearning to save the day. The Mayor of Oberwalz is trying to put him back in the Institue (and wants him dead), his ex-partner hates his guts (and wants him dead), there are mercenaries following him (who want him dead), and he's hours behind everyone else on the case. But that won't stop Bernardo. Armed with cunning wit, tremendous luck, and an unerring ability to find himself in trouble, Bernardo will solve the case with the help of his driver/bodyguard, Ching Dic-Tofon, his favorite cabbie, "Sugah" Brown, and a pack of "Oberwalz's Finest," the most vulgar and violent cops you could ever hope to have on your side. Bernardo will find an unlikely solution, without a clue or a good idea, as long as the mercenaries, gnomes, orderlies, exploding castles, fake Germans, angry competitors, plane crashes, burning buildings, board meetings, boiling chocolate, fratboys, and criminal masterminds don't get him first.

 
 

tags

absurd, comedy, crime, detective, humor, kidnapping, mystery, noir, parody, satire, silly, surreal, vulgar

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2 comments

 

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ryanspeck wrote 474 days ago

Hi Ryan

Wow...That's quite a synopsis......i couldn't wait to start this Ryan!

And you didn't dissapoint.......I enjoyed the distinction you make with the 'crazy'people and those in the 'real world' as it were...this is agreat line, very comedic...but i would try and tidy it up slightly...i know what you were going for...length...to draw out the laugh as it were...indeed it worked....even maybe a semi-colon somewhere.

I feel that this is a good piece of work and have no hesitation on placing it on my shelf.

I will be back to read more.

Much appreciated

Ed Quinn (Donkeys kill more people)



Thanks, Ed.

I do indeed string sentences along for comedic effect. My apologies to those who get sick of reading a mass of neverending words. My narrative voice tends to ramble and run-on like a Bret Easton Ellis character.

edquinn wrote 475 days ago

Hi Ryan

Wow...That's quite a synopsis......i couldn't wait to start this Ryan!

And you didn't dissapoint.......I enjoyed the distinction you make with the 'crazy'people and those in the 'real world' as it were...this is agreat line, very comedic...but i would try and tidy it up slightly...i know what you were going for...length...to draw out the laugh as it were...indeed it worked....even maybe a semi-colon somewhere.

I feel that this is a good piece of work and have no hesitation on placing it on my shelf.

I will be back to read more.

Much appreciated

Ed Quinn (Donkeys kill more people)

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