HOLIDAY

This is great writing and I had no problem backing you. Best wishes, Barry

Love the concept Nik and I am hooked by the pitch alone! Your style is unique (in a good way) and I will definitely be reading on! Happily shelved in the meantime!
Simon

There is something different about your writing. The way it sweeps over the page. It's hard for me to put into words. But when I read your words it's like walking through a mist. Seeing the softness of everything. Yet it is strong. It any of that makes sense.

There were a few point of view switches which I don't think added to the piece. Such as the taxi drivers point of view. He was a minor character.

‘Hugh handed over dollars.' This sentence sounds a bit off to me.

Other than that I think you have a beautiful solid piece of writing. Good luck and on my shelf. C.P

The concept of this book is right up my street as a geographer and the writing reminds me of Joyce with its colourful, creative, imaginative use of words and metaphors. It also starts with a quote from one of my favourite REM songs, so it's backed! Good luck with it... i have found so many good books on this site recently and for me this is one of them.

WOW WHAT A HOLIDAY. shelved.
Great writing..I was biting my fingernails from the word go.
I love this adventure. Hugh's character is excellent and the
description and thriller hooks work well...Congratulations.

There´s an Avaaz action day on climate change..Sept 21st?
Plus The Age Of Stupid world premiere Sept 22

Some of your chapters are incredibly short. And I see that you use music a lot to define a moment. This works for me as I do the same. Great metaphors. A very easy read. Poppet

Thanks Poppet. Short because we're dealing with a market with incredibly short attention spans (and suffering from ADD0. I don't know about you but I found Cormac McCarthy's The Road hard to read, because you have difficulty deciding where to find your intermission. That may have been his point, to make the read also feel endlessly laborious, but a writer also has to make himself read. Especially if he hasn't been published yet.

Dear Nick,
Further to my earlier comments that previously concentrated solely on your pitch:
Moody, atmospheric opening. Strong character in Hugh, a smart man who won't turn away from conflict. And interesting career choice, the ESL teacher as hero. Love the visual: "a child could have drawn the deep gashes …"
Suggest a more dramatic page turner at the end of Chapter 1.
Given how ecological concerns are very much in the forefront of people's minds, this story addressing climate concerns is very timely. Shelved.

Chapter 10

Jeepers Julie - big kiss thank you. Really appreciate you r reading ALL TEN CHAPTERS. Will def have a look at Chapter 6 but as I recall the other side of the ocean was preternaturally calm...and I think the whole idea of knowing a disaster is about to strike and then STILL BEING RECKLESS is something we're all culpable of. Maybe need to reinforce that though. I have actually completed the entire story, although the last two thirds don't have the commitment of the earlier chapters. I wanted to create a sense of a tight ball unravelling faster and faster so that at the end there is very little left. But maybe the writing falls apart to much to claim that this strategy works. Is there something of yours you'd like me to read?

Chapter 10

Good News! New York and London are OK! I really like this novella. I don't know if this is the complete manuscript but what I have read so far is excellent and something I would read. Hugh is a strong sensitive hero/protagonist and I cheer for him. The setting is exotic and the plot is universal (everyone fears nuclear explosion). This is a winner I am putting it on my bookshelf! Good Read Nick.

Julie

Chapter 9

The tension builds will our protagonist Hugh die? I like how the chapter ends with Hugh asking of "news of the world."

Julie

Chapter 8

Hugh is surrounded by crocodiles. Man against the man made explosion and man against nature, two truly menacing predators. 007

Julie

Chapter 7

This is an excellent chapter. The fallout from the Hydrogen bomb is explained very well. I have a perfect picture of what the landscape looks like and Hugh's primal Nooooooooooooo. . . . !

Julie

Chapter 6

Frightening hurricane, yet Hugh wanted a swim at the beach. I would have liked some of Hugh's interior thought once catastrophe struck to balance out the description.

Julie

Chapter 5

This is excellent! The isolation you convey of being alone though surrounded by many people and the resourcefulness of Hugh has me intrigued. I like your monologue on consciousness very though provoking. You write what humans fearfully think.

Julie

Chapter 4

You capture the chaos and strangeness of airports and airplanes very well. I can tell you are a seasoned traveler by your descriptions, details and precision. I feel truly transported to the other side of the world. I get a good sense of Hugh's physical presence: his sweat, his bulk the gentleness of picking up the child and moving it.

Julie

Chapter 3

You have an excellent sense of location that becomes a character in itself. The scene in the hotel with the prostitute was poignant and touching and the exchange between taxi driver and Hugh about the women of the streets gave me insight into Hugh. I like him.

Julie

Chapter 2

This is an interesting chapter. The sexual innuendo and metaphor are nice and gives the imagination something to think about. You write very intellectually: Your reference to Gerard Manley Hopkins. I appreciate this. Whatever you do DON'T DUMB DOWN YOUR WRITING!

Julie

Nick:

You write long muscular sentences with precise description and immediacy. I like what I am reading!. I am a fan of Cormac McCarthy's The Road and look forward to reading your entire manuscript on Authonomy. The third person narrative gives you much freedom where to go in the story. Good Choice.

Julie

Nick,

You are a writer of the creative kind. My favorite. You use very colorful language here. Overall, from what I've read so far, I do think there places that could probably use a bit of tightening to quicken the pace, but that is a very minor thing.

You provoke some unique and vivid images. And I think you've done a good job characterizing Hugh. Shelved mostly for your creative flare. Love that!

Heidi
Turning Red

Thanks for your advice...implementing now. Anything I can do?

Nick [HOLIDAY]

The 6 first chapters are interesting and with some editing, getting rid of unnecessary words, and sometime sentences, it will do very well.

Kostas
Hariklia's Icons

Dear Nick,
Looking at your pitch now, will be back to look at your book later.
Suggest that for the quick pitch, decide on either heat or exhaustion rather than both, especially since you then follow it up with "inexorable wilting of life."
For the longer pitch, suggest breaking it into digestible paragraphs (us readers seem to have digestion problems!).
Break after "chaos."
Then after "begun."
I'd move the Cormac McCarthy reference to the 2nd to last paragraph.
Last line would be "It is a grim tale ..."
Sounds promising. Back to read more later.

Thanks Jack...made changes as recommended. Now to yours...

Nick,

1st Para: ‘glimpses a final glimpse...’? Minor, but it’s your opening paragraph so it needs to be bang on (the rest of that opener’s fine apart from that.) Personally, I’m not too keen on your last para in ch1 (the word ‘almost’ overused; failing as a motif, if that was your intention) but again it's a minor nit pick.

However, ‘Holiday’ is beautifully lyrical in places – great use of alliteration too; good similes and metaphors and the characterisation is coming together rather well – Hugh is a likable chap, someone I could have a beer with (and you’ve drawn the cabbie very well). It’s nicely sensory, too – smells and tastes as well as sights and sounds. Good work.

The whole global warming / climate in crisis thing is a winner, I think; not yet (to my mind, at least) past its best, so good choice – forcing honesty and recognition from the readers. Yup, we’re all to blame. Add in the promise of exotic locations and you’ll have them clamouring.

Well done – shelved. Best of luck!

--Jack Ramsay (Brogan's Crossing)

Hi Elinor. Thanks for backing HOLIDAY. I was a school teacher in South Korea so am interested to read your story. Will read and comment soon. Thanks.