What lies in shadow

Your metaphorical style is what I'd read when I want to be entertained and also have my brains jogged. Very disciplined, very picturesque. Your style is mature. This is more something I would use to teach a class or something like that. It is good but your average reader may miss the beauty of your style.

The lake in the moonlight, a gown covered with sequins and jewels. That is Genius.
Maybe his love for his dead wife is now expressed in his commitment to the garden? Hence . . “ Tended his garden with monogamy?”

I can quote on and on. VERY TIGHT, VERY GOOD!

There are some great writers on here, Ian. And you are one of them.

This is so intense. Gripping. You had me early, and you kept me engaged throughout. Love that you can write like this: so glad that I opened you and delved. Your writing moves me, churns me up sometimes. I look for this, want it in literature. What's the point otherwise?

I hope you know how good this is. Your other world reverberates, and it lives. I live there as I read. Grabs me, takes me, keeps me. Great characters. Good dialogue:m believable, even in a strange land. Quite an achievement.

So ... push this for all you are worth, I suggest. You need to. We all do. There's a way to go for you ... and that's up.

Shelved, without hesitation.

James

Ian,
Wow, this is gripping!! I love it! I love the characters and how easily I got to know them. It moves along quickly and I kept wondering what the next move was going to be. Shelved! Great story!!
Tammy

enjoyed reading and added to my watchlist to read at a later date. wondered if you would peek at my book and give me some feedback r/t us being in similiar genres. thanks.
kendra ziems/autumn lullaby

I had time for chapter 1 today, and liked it. I used to love horror as a teen, Stephen King my choice of writers, and even though I don't write horror, I tend to go for paranormal horror/romance, so I guess I'm your target audience. I was wondering whether the dog-like misty creatures were possibly werewolves. When I get some more time I'll read on to find out.

I thought it was funny when Summer told Dylan to go check on Mr. Greenhalghe. I liked Dylan's reply, why couldn't she do it. I'm siding with him, as there's no way in hell I'd go in there after seeing a pack of wolf-like creatures mist into the building. Stuff that :) I be hiding or getting as far away as possible.

I thought this chapter was structured nicely, tense with both intrigue and danger. The two characters were good, Dylan my favourite of the two. I also thought your settings were well described. In particular the portrayal of the lake was excellent, the dress covered in jewels analogy, and I liked how the flowers were rendered, turning like in a walz.

All up, this is a nice start. Well done - Marita.

This is an exceptionately amazing piece of work, your writing is pristine, clear, innovative, a thriller which promises mountains of punch and action.
Backed with utmost pleasure and looking forward to reading the rest of this novel, Thriller, fantasy Horror's are my all time favorites.
Helen
The Last Dram

Ian,
Your story rivets from the first paragraph. Your prose, your descriptions, your voice vibrates with tension. I like evreything about this--terrific--things that go bump in the night, wolves, the crystal hybrid roses swaying in the night, the ballgown lake, sweet Mr. G. Best of luck.
Only nit is the font--tough to read.
Caroline
KC Hart
Summer Rose
PS Both are female lead characters are named Summer. Is it coincidence?

Very spooky start with the panthom dogs, the chapter speaks volumes about the characters informing us in one sentence this is the norm for them and the fact the ghost dogs knew she was watching lets us know maybe this is a two way street and the leads are being challenged to interfere. Could the passage of memory have relevance later on? The description is beautiful, the moon, the lake, the rocking chair silent amid the pack. Creepy imagery, this all fits together perfectly.

This is really quite good. You let the narrative develop gradually, and use dialog to reveal your premise; you even keep the word "I" from dominating, for the most part. Throwing in the vignette about the cell phone in chap. 1 is a nice touch, lets the reader inside the MC's head. I can see why this is doing well here; happy to back it.
Craig
The Job

First page starts out with a nice heavy hook and as I read on, I began to see a nice weave of a who done it with paranormal intrigue. The command of language is concise and clear, the dialogue is believable except that people don't usually say names when they are talking directly to each other.
I found the writing craft to be smooth, without distractions to pull me away from the story.
Good Job~ If you haven't read, Pin Point, by Sheila Belshaw, I'd recommend it to you, given the premise of this book and your interests.
Best of luck getting a speedy trip to success and a seat on the money wagon.
Dawn De Remer (Golden Moon)

Ian enjoyed language and how it comes together, well written Backed John Warren Lasting Images, take a look jw.

This is an intense and gripping thriller. Your use of foreshadowing and character development is superb. You build your characters well and the dialogue is tight. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Only read Chapter 1 and I'm in WOW. Amazing, amazing -- did I say Amazing?

It's definitely well-written and sparked some emotion (which is saying something as I don't get into many books), and I'm interested in what happens next.

Job well done, my friend. I'll read more when I have time (heading off to school now.)

you have composed a truly intriguing pitch. This certainly made me keen to dive into your book and i wasn't disappointed. Although the modern convention is not to start with dialogue, I thought this really worked. Your dialogue throughout these first chapters is sharp and propels the narrative in a dynamic manner
Happy to back this
Carl
The Time Hunters

What Lies in Shadows

The almost lyrical style makes this a very impressive piece of work. I very much like the little phrases and descriptions that make this that cut above the rest. Fantastic characterisation and through very natural dialogue you build a tension that puts down great building blocks for the rest of the story. – Good luck

This is a very compelling piece story. An explosive opening with excellent description, dialogue and characterization. I love the supernatural element. Well done. Backed. Richard Bard, BRAINRUSH

I like stories about small towns where everyone knows everyone else. It ups the stakes a lot as to who could be a murderer in the town. When you add paranormal creatures, the stakes escalate even more. The mark of this story, tho, is how human and likable you've made Summer and Dylan. Makes this a good read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Nice hook: "A good start to what was going to be a bad day." This is a nice reformation of the Hound of the Baskervilles into "Good wolf, nice wolf, but that black blob over there . . . " Good pacing, suspenseful, and worthy of shelving.
Marianne (Saint Paddy and the Sundial)

There is something strangely addictive about your novel. I found myself propelled through all 6 chapters. I'd read the first two before but felt like I wanted to come back and i read through the whole thing again. I think there is a beat to your writing that is straight forward and leads to a sense of something foreboding from the opening chapter. I presume the red arrow is more to do with your time on here than your writing.
David
Bailey of the Saints

This is a great paranormal read, the tension escalates with your descriptive narrative.

Happily shelved

Melxx
Impeding Justice

Thought I'd backed this one in the past, but just incase I hadn't, I've backed it again.

Thought I'd backed this one in the past, but just incase I hadn't, I've backed it again.

Ian, I've read your first chapter. Great writing. Nothing to nitpick.

Backed!

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

This is a very picturesque read, Ian. Nice dialogue, boundless description, and easily followed. The single nit that I had at all with the story is this: Exposition is great, but four paragraphs of unrelated exposition might not be the best thing after Summer says "Hurry up". it kind of took me out of the moment--but only slightly.

This was an all-round very nice read. Comment about exposition notwithstanding, I loved your descriptive paragraphs; they lent a tone to the narrative, and an offbeat pace that I found refreshing.
Gerry
DCA

A gripping story - but I think I would go for a more dynamic opening. The 'was asleep' bit seems unnecessary. I would miss out the second sentence - it slows the impact of the otherwise dramatic start. Your characterisation is spot on and the whole opening is filled with menace. My kind of read! Well done - shelved.

This is well written and creepy. I love reading books about the paranormal and I will back it with pleasure.


Tony
Life Bringer

Very tight writing Ian. I would question the use of 'surety' instead of 'certainty', though. Shelved.

Keefie
Tybalt & Theo

Ian,
I stumbled across this and am very glad that I did, based on the pitch. A few comments as I go:
chap 1:
Don't even think loudly - good line!
Nice intrigue as they're looking at the lake.
You can get rid of a few 'that's
More intrigue with the shadow thing.
Two 'staring' quite close, maybe change the 2nd to 'looking'?
"Into the house?" - the next sentence unnecessary.
Nice hook at the end of chap, as Dylan's task is clear.
chap 2:
Mr G - I like that. Tells us a bit more about Dylan.
not rogue PJs - :-)
Your blurry dark things are quite like the 'vapourous ones' I have later on in my book - great minds?
The details eg. not breathing on the window - ramp up the tension
Does he need to scream when he falls on the spiky shrub? Seems a bit out of character. Maybe 'curse'?
There's great suspense in these two chapters. I've really enjoyed them.
Cheers,
Simon

I like your style -- the immediatecy, urgency, and intimacy of it. Well done. Backed

Creepy stuff!
This is nicely done, why is it going down the charts? This is head and shoulders above some of the writing further up.
Backed.

Fluid dialogue and evocative description brings, what lies in shadow, alive for me. Good characterisation and tight prose, together with intensity, make it a worthwhile read.


BACKED

After my read of this book. I immediately went to check out the writer's favourite authors, but , of course, they're not listed. But, to me, this writer is up with Algernon Blackwood and M R James (even Stephen King, but I prefer the older-style horror writers). The cosy dialogue with Summer accentuates the building horror, and the quirkiness of the lead characters adds a real edge. This is the real McCoy, told with style and panache. Backed.

Dear Ian,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I really like the decreasing population count in your pitch “612…611…610” and I think it may even be short-pitch worthy. I skipped to chapter six to cover new ground and was rewarded by a lovely excuse that I will use in the future for hating people in cowboy hats. You have good emotional description in the paragraph including “curved scimitars”. Your greatest strength lies in the descriptions of your protagonist’s emotions and physical sensations; they’re what brings first person to life, creating deep empathy in the reader for him. Good humor too in the paragraph “Summer despises discrimination”. Great cliffhanger at the end of the chapter.

In my fallible opinion, you could make your pitch even better by explaining the fantasy aspect of your story. In what way do your characters have a paranormal connection? In the chapter, I believe “The twitchy half smile” would read better as “His twitchy half smile”.

These small matters aside, I enjoyed your story. Bravo! Backed.

Best wishes,
Alan Marling

One of the most alluring book covers I've seen on here and a rather winsome story. I nice read from the chapters I sampled.

Backed

Alexander *The Wisdom Tree and the Dormouse*

I can feel a little Stephen king here, great job—the premise is good and the writing clean

If I did anything different, it would to layer the dimensions of scary stuff, add darker atmosphere, setting,
wording etc.

Overall, it is great

I wish you the very best

Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

Chapter 1

Pretty cool opening, promises some kind of supernatural portent. The writing is good, the descriptions of the devil dogs effective. Mr. Greenhalghe is a goner, I presume. Summer comes off as an extra sensory perceptor, though, which bothers me. I could relate better if she'd simply heard a noise or somthing. But that's okay, it's probably central to the plot. An intriguing start.

Cheers

John

This book starts with a bang, as Summer looks out of the window and sees trouble. When Dylan also looks, you move it up a notch with the sighting of the black shadow creatures, and then with their entrance into Mr GreenHalghe's house. You write well, especially in your descriptive lines and passages. Summer is 'translucent in weird electric green,' is a great atmospheric line to start us off expecting strange and scary things. 'Mr Greenhalghe tended his garden with monogamy,' follows, and that's just the start. Throughout these chapters, you consistently write in a vivid, colourful and amusing way which draws your reader in. Your characters are good, too. I like Dylan and Summer, a very pleasant young couple, who aren't afraid to tease each other; which adds a touch of lightless to relieve what might otherwise be too tense a mood. You give the impression of having written previously about this couple, and, of course, publishers these days are said to like to have a series, so that's a plus point for you. Altogether, a book which holds the interest. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

I don't normally read in this genre, but I found your story entertaining. Backed.

DON'T GO DYLAN! I could only read the first chapter because I have to go to work. I will definitely be back. Nice start! Backing!

Camille
The Hobble Knobble Gobble Tree (a Children's fantasy)

Wonderful way to start a story. Dialogue and story flowed at a great pace.

Backed

Jill

I read all the upload and was disappointed when it ended (always a good sign).
This is a fascinating mixture of horror (the dark dogs in the night), thriller (the mysterious men in the SUV) and fantasy (who/what exactly is Summer?).
It works very well. It has good pace and attention to details (correct botany throughout) and Dylan is an attractive protoagonist.
The choice of words and the imagery are excellent (although wasps were used twice) and I checked to see if you had included the Literary Fiction in your choice of genres (you didn't, but it would not be out of place).
My only nit picks in the whole upload were "monogamously gardening" (I think I know what you meant but it didn't work for me) and there is a very distinct jump when Rhino arrives on the scene which would benefit from some sort of visual break on the page.

Happy to back you. Please let me know if you upload any more chapters.

John

What a super read, shame you only posted six chapters I would have loved to read more. I hate books that mess around in the opening chapters and grind the reader to a halt, that accusation my friend cannot be leveled at you. Kicking form the word go, my kind of book.

Bob (Auctoratus)

What lies in Shadow-

Wow, way to build suspense! You had me genuinely worried about what was in the yard! And your technique for doing that is really good--slow, steady, never overdoing the adjectives, just letting the image simmer. Creepy.

Liked also the way you protrayed the relationship between Summer and Dylan. Normal, easy, his affection evident in what he notices about her. Nice.

This should do well. Good job. -Brad (Larcenous Tendencies)

Fantastically creepy! Brilliantly funny and nail-bitingly gripping! I really like your writing style. I will def carry on reading this. Backed!

Hi Ian,

This is spooky... but in a humerous way. You have great characterisation and dialogue and this has the potential for a great book when it is complete. I have only had the opportunity to read a couple of chapters, but will look back in time to see how your book is progressing. I have backed for now, because this has great potential.

Chris

This was a good read. Your work is very descriptive, something that I like and find too rarely in modern books. You build the tension nicely towards the end of the first chapter and I'm forced to admit I will read on.

Backed. Good luck.

Hi Ian, this is a very different story indeed! From reading the first two chapters I already have a world of questions which is a good thing and if I were to have this in paper back I would definitely read on. Why does Summer watch horror movies to try and sleep, why can't Dylan be seen and Summer can or at least can be sensed. What are the shadow dogs and why does their neighbour not notice them, why was the wolf there... This certainly is an engaging read, you've created a very interesting story so far and I would like to see how it unfolds. Your on my shelf.
Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

This is a good, gripping beginning. I like your clever pitch, too.

As for criticisms, there aren't many. Dylan does not seem to feel a great amount of shock at what he is seeing. I cannot say whether or not this is appropriate for his character without reading further. Has he had paranormal experiences before? If not, maybe you could give us a better sense at his shattered incredulity.

Also, be careful not to interrupt the wonderful moment you have created with unnecessary exposition. For instance, I think it is enough to say that he wishes he had a cell phone. A paragraph going into an explanation seems redundant, to a certain extent, and unnecessary. I'm sure this sort of thing will become clearer on its own as the story unfold, if it has any importance.

Other than that, this was a good one, with a nice cliffhanger at the end. I shall back it!

How scary can you get? And she's making him go and knock on his neighbour's door in the middle of the night after seeing 20 spook dogs go through the keyhole? I've only read the one chapter, but he's totally mad and deserves what he gets if he does it! Mind you, heros of books always do the wrong thing, don't they, with us screaming 'no don't, it'll get you' and them ignoring us. That's half the fun, making them do stupid things that we wouldn't do in a month of sundays! I love it. Great tense writing, great humour actually, as it really is quite amusing. Especially when she hides under the bed. Love it, love it, love it.
I'll have to back it now, or I won't read the rest which roundly deserves to be read.
Flicka

Dear Ian,

I've read a few chapters of your book and I am very pleasantly surprised by it! I like the way you weave in the mystery without making it too obtrusive: your demonic dogs then become mythical, rather than real. I like the presentation of your book: the slow development of the main characters -- not too many, so we are not overwhelmed -- but not too few -- so the perspective is not one-sided. I also like the font: it reminds me of a typewriter, and so it gives your story a timeless, romantic flavour.

Your storyline is sufficiently slow to keep readers enthralled, without making them go through several heart attacks. I like the way you weave the description -- and I LOVE the description of the lake -- into the story. The character description is well done, and your characters are believable.

My only recommendations are the following: while I love the mystery you weave in, I feel you could make it even more mysterious, by working in a bit more atmosphere. One suggestion to that effect is to play a bit with uncertainty and with angles. For example, when the main characters are staring between the blinds at the dogs, you could draw the moment out a bit more. Let the reader see how the main characters carefully choose their frames of reference. It might help if you didn't show us the shapes of these creatures outright, but describe their more sinister traits first (for me the description "demonic dog" was not remotely scary, due to the fact that i actually love dogs and have never been afraid of them). If you, however, start out with overly-thin bodies, gleaming, shadowing fangs, demented eyes, etc, it would be different.

These are just some simple thoughts. I've backed your book for originality and atmosphere!

Love,
Cristina

I was really drawn by the premise of your book and found the writing didn't disappoint. Nice pace and lots of twists and turns to keep the reader thrilled. Shelved. Clare (Second Lives)

Very intense, gripping book with great characters and a riveting plot. The writing is tight and the dialogue moves along very well. A strong story that deserves to be on my shelf.

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

A humorous beginning to your book. I liked it. :-)

This is excellent. I'm absolutely loving it - high intensity, freaky beginning. I mean, my heart was actually pounding. And to think of those creatures and how they entered the neighbors house!!! Ah!

There are a couple of things that slow the pace down quite a bit, however, and unless absolutely necessary to the story should be removed:

The small discourse on the clock and how it appears (the 11:05 thing).

Any reference to the carpet (unless absolutely necessary to the story. Otherwise it becomes a false foreshadowing. If it is supposed to be foreshadowing, then a little more emotion needs to be put in towards it. Maybe have him be surprised at how hot the room was, how the carpet felt, etc.)

Basically anything which detracts from what is going on. Some description is good, as it heightens the intensity. (Eg: him noticing the full moon, the cloudless sky. That whole paragraph is good. The next two paragraphs, however, were merely frustrating and I skipped through them quickly, not paying attention to what they said.)

This book has a houseful of potential to be a blockbustering hit. And I have to say this is now one of my favorite books on this site. Very, very intense and impressive. I'm really loving it.

Definitely shelving it.
Andrea
The Key of Kilenya