Half Full Moon

Hi Nick,
I just finished Half Full Moon- it has been on my shelf for a while; it was the first book I came across on this site when I joined. What attracted me to it was the use of allegory and symbolism and the strong spiritual journey your lead character undergoes. On a technical note I think that your writing exudes beautiful imagery which makes the work feel special and important. Like someone else also mentioned, the tree as a symbol of survival was very strong (and apt). I think your third person to first person device also very strong (and unique); it shows clearly the trip Andy takes from unwell to well, both physically and spiritually.
I'm thinking that you were not writing this from a decidedly Christian perspective, which is exactly the perpective from which I read it. I wonder if you realize the amount of Truth you captured in your characters and symbols. The injustice you describe in Africa and the blind eye we all take to it is indicative of the sin that fills our world and the heart of every man. The Princess is a great Father figure who desperately loves her children and works to see them saved. The bushman is the Son of the Father sent to 'suck' the evil out of God's chosen people. Andy and the Dwarves are the disciples of Christ, reconverted to His Way and setting out to do what they ought- to LOVE OTHERS.
The scene with the woman with the shoes and the man with the flat was interesting. I agree that it needs a little polish to see the connection- but the connection is surely there. She says that Jesus' suffering had to be severe in order to make it seem sufficient. She said that sacrifice is necessary for forgiveness to take place. She said that "some sacrifices are worth making." God loves us so much that He deemed it necessary to sacrifice of Himself to bring us out of the desert. He deemed it worth the effort and the blood of His Son. The question He leaves us with, and the question you left your readers with is one and the same- What are you going to do with His love? Well done, sir, much luck to you with your writing!
Peace, Mike

Chapter 8

The relationship with the men and the princess if very romantic. The princess reinforces a value I feel strongly about BE A CITIZEN OF THE WORLD!

Julie

Julie I love that response from you because that is exactly the impact I am going for, and it is so vital that people begin to hold hands in terms of our basic humanity. 1 billion people are hungry on our planet, up 100 million from last year. And I think the only way for us to realise this is to leave our world...by venturing into one like this, from from who and what we know. We can also respect and love and admire the basic human qualities in others, even in the poor, who are rich and beautiful in ways we often cannot imagine.

Chapter 8

The relationship with the men and the princess if very romantic. The princess reinforces a value I feel strongly about BE A CITIZEN OF THE WORLD!

Julie

Julie I love that response from you because that is exactly the impact I am going for, and it is so vital that people begin to hold hands in terms of our basic humanity. 1 billion people are hungry on our planet, up 100 million from last year. And I think the only way for us to realise this is to leave our world...by venturing into one like this, from from who and what we know. We can also respect and love and admire the basic human qualities in others, even in the poor, who are rich and beautiful in ways we often cannot imagine.

Chapter 8

The relationship with the men and the princess if very romantic. The princess reinforces a value I feel strongly about BE A CITIZEN OF THE WORLD! AIDS has become in our time the defining moral issue of our society. I was expecting a different story. (Like the movie Walk About - Australian Aborigine movie). The chapter with Morgan and the player I didn't see how that fit into the plot of the novella. I like this very much you writing with a beautiful edge that undoubtedly comes from being a journalist and you let me know how men really think.
Very Good!

Julie

Chapter 7

Very amusing chapter. The characters are delineated nicely and precise. The dialogue is truly how men speak to each other. I want to meet the princess that all these men will rescue.

Julie

Chapter 1

This chapter with all the interior thoughts and monologues is very much like Cormac McCarthy's The Road. .

Julie

I wrote this a few years before The Road came out, and HOLIDAY was very influenced by The Road, and is far bleaker than HALF FULL MOON although when it opens HOLIDAY pretends to be normal, and colorful and 'harmless', as holidays usually are ;-)

Chapter 5

The Bushman heals by sucking his skin. Very interesting. Ebony helps Ivory. I like the physical description of the Bushman where the lines around his eyes fan out. Primitive man is in control.

Julie

do you feel the plot is strong enough, or is it too existential, like - this story isn't going anywhere...nothing seems to be happening? Your thoughts? BTW thanks so much for your feedback thus far.

Chapter 6

The physical description is good. The irrational fear that he might die because he had sex before he got on the helicopter: guilt? Why do the teenagers die after having sex in the movies. Why would one equate sex with death, punishment or guilt but scientific virus.

Julie

Once again I try to use subliminal reasoning and symbolism. You may not think that sex and death are related but one of the reasons we procreate is to avoid death. Perhaps not our own, but that of our group. And sex is a very dangerous thing because we make ourselves vulnerable in many ways, we're distracted, and even if successful, we may be too succuessful and overpopulate which is counterproductive to the original idea - of survival. The other aspect was that the character feels himself to be flawed and feels that Alcala is not, and thus by sharing this experience he may feel he is contaminating her. Of course, she may be contaminating him...

Chapter 4

I don't think desert dragon is appropriate, perhaps desert angel, she guides and nurtures. Very nice imagery.

Julie

You could be right. I have lived in the East though, and this story is very symbolic. The idea behind a dragon isn't good or evil, but simply that it is powerful. This is also true in the East. The West tend to mistake the dragon for evil or satan or something, a dark force kind of enemy. The dragon really simply epitomises incredible power. And in Alcala I draw an Eastern princess who is very small, very fluid, very mysterious, and somehow omniscient. Perhaps I need to bring this 'explanation' into the text, but that may be dumbing it down...?

Chapter 6

The physical description is good. The irrational fear that he might die because he had sex before he got on the helicopter: guilt? Why do the teenagers die after having sex in the movies. Why would one equate sex with death, punishment or guilt but scientific virus.

Julie

Chapter 5

The Bushman heals by sucking his skin. Very interesting. Ebony helps Ivory. I like the physical description of the Bushman where the lines around his eyes fan out. Primitive man is in control.

Julie

Chapter 4

I don't think desert dragon is appropriate, perhaps desert angel, she guides and nurtures. Very nice imagery.

Julie

Chapter 3

Neethling seems like a player. The interaction between him and Morgan is realistic. She stands her ground. The talk of Christ, Christianity and suffering is interesting. He chuckles when asked if he is a Christian (a Christian with a sense of humor?)

Julie

Chapter 2

What a beautiful commentary on Africa. The observation of the tree in the desert is very precise with the awe of nature and natural elements. I will finish this book tomorrow. Well done.

Julie

Chapter 1

This chapter with all the interior thoughts and monologues is very much like Cormac McCarthy's The Road. The descriptions Andy gives paints a real sense of urgency of the situation in the desert. Modern man and his modern machine in the cruel desert. In Andy's time of crisis her wants his mother and he wants Robin, he wants to be comforted a universal feeling when a human is in distress. The beginning of the chapter was rather philosophical and evolves into Andy's feelings.

Julie

Hi there,
A very interesting premise, it appealed to me straight away as I love stories that include some kind of journey, be it a physical or an emotional one. And this is clearly going to be a testing journey for your MC, it has me wondering how channged he may be at the end of it - this is a good hook and makes me want to read on.
You have a wonderful setting, your descriptions are well done, thought provoking. I am going to come back and read more of this - I am snowed under with editing at the moment as I am trying to stay on the editor's desk and your MS desrves more of my time. In the meanwhile, I am going to put this on my SHELF as it is a quality piece of writing from what I have seen so far.
Bests,
AnnabelleP
(Adelaide SHort)

It's a difficult piece of writing Nick, by necessity, given the theme. Because it's my cup of tea, I don't mind. But others might find it easier if you rewrite some of the awkward expressions out. For example, Chap 2:
"They cry like the children of grossly negligent parents" could be improved, even just by removing the inactive words like grossly. So my take would be:
"They cry like abandoned children" or somesuch formulation. Hopefully this comment will help and not hinder you...

Hi Longfellow. Thanks for taking the trouble to comment. Much appreciated. Yes, quite a difficult monster to put onto paper.

It's a difficult piece of writing Nick, by necessity, given the theme. Because it's my cup of tea, I don't mind. But others might find it easier if you rewrite some of the awkward expressions out. For example, Chap 2:
"They cry like the children of grossly negligent parents" could be improved, even just by removing the inactive words like grossly. So my take would be:
"They cry like abandoned children" or somesuch formulation. Hopefully this comment will help and not hinder you...