Pinpoint

Sheila,

My son writes crime and cop novels and I am into his stuff. So, I really like your style and obvious research efforts. You have created a really bad guy, and you did it expertly. Julia is probably more like a real lawyer than what you normally see on the television. Paul Moxon is a believable cop, the scenario is believable as are all your characters. This is top-seller material.

You are a wonderful writer, a polished wordsmith, a creative word picture painter, and an imaginative genius.
I am impressed with your overall management of timelines, plots, and character development. I am also delighted with your use of the language.

I am pleased with your narrative crafting and the way you carry the reader along to the next, and the next, and the next situation. I also am in awe of the way you make sure that the action and drama contain just enough dialogue to carry the scenes but do not wear out the reader --i.e., ad naseum.

My hat is off to you, and I wish you the very best. You have earned all the good and wonderful things that will come to you as a best-selling author.

PawPaw Mike

Love your writing. It's perfect. Words that work together to make a picture larger than the sum of the parts, trim, athletic sentences with not one extra word, conveying forward momentum. And not one extra sentence, just what is needed to carry the reader deeper and deeper into the mystery. And characters that I want to know more about, and a finely crafted plot. It's all here. A complete effort. Publish this author!

Sheila, this is the most accomplished writing I have seen on here so far - your place at the top of the Editor's Desk league is well deserved. I hope you stay there!

The narrative hooks you instantly and I couldn't stop reading. I had to tear myself away to get on with editing my book!

Good luck and very well done.

Karen xx

Pinpoint is a polished, totally professional crime thriller. As an avid reader of this genre I believe I am qualified to make this statement. The novel's proposition is made clear from the outset and leaves the reader in no doubt they are in for a roller-coaster ride, for what a proposition this is: Julia Grant, defence lawyer, is defending a possible murderer who may be her own twin brother from whom she was estranged many years ago. Then come the fragmentary memories... And after his trial, Sam Smith, now a convicted murderer and Julia's possible twin, is dramatically freed by a gang of his underworld buddies. Immediately we learn that he has plans concerning Julia Grant...

The relationship between the players is also dynamic, adding a deeper texture and ratcheting up the tension. Julia Grant, DS Paul Moxon, Julia's husband and family - all believable characters (goes without saying really). All the ingredients of a bestseller are present here - in all the right amounts. A real page-turner. I know the publishing industry is as flat as a cheap pizza at the moment, but it must fight back - publishing work of this obviously commercial quality is a damned good way of doing just that.

Good luck with Pinpoint, Sheila - not that you need it!

Backed. William J Booker (Trippers)

Pinpoint by Sheila Mary Taylor.
I downloaded a fair few chapters of your novel and have read them over the past few days, as the story caught my eye. I too note of your 'pacing' in each of the chapters, which was varied, allowing the reader to move and breathe a bit before moving on. The characters [esp Sam and Julia] gradually grow, rather than explode into your mind. This is interesting, and against my logic, works well, BUT the reader needs to keep reading! Thanks for a good read and I learnt from reading your book. I would back it, although I assume that is not wanted now, as the editors had seen it. Assume they were positive?

Appreciate any of your thoughts/critisisms or backing towards my childrens book; Paperbat Adventures.
Jerry - paperbat

This review is bollocks.

The problem with 'reviews' is the preconceived notion by the reviewer that what they are reading is crap. You can bet your last buck that the reviewers have accepted books that are way below the standard of Pinpoint, which is evident when you see what's on the shelves. The process reminds me of insurance assessors, who make it their business to disprove a claim because that's what they are there for.

Mary's book is good enough for publication, period. A little bit of editing and you're done. Why can't HC see this? How on earth can anyone expect a manuscript to be ready for publication without a firm, guiding edit?

Don't take this to heart, Sheila. You done good, they done bad.

I think HC's review is a case of a reviewer taking the point of view without looking that any book is going to have flaws and it is her duty to expose them. She seems to want to find a perfect MC, one who is unable to take an action that is not completely rational and designed to stymie the threat. I do feel that Julia could be written to show more trust in her law-abiding associates and friends.

Overall, though, I think the review demonstrates that the book was well and truly read, cover to cover, but that the preconception was that flaws must be found and spotlighted, at the expense of praise for the excellent prose.

Sheila, I think this is skillfully put together. You take us through the labyrinth of intrigue - brother Nicholas and twisted Sam with great competence.
I'm happy to back this book and good luck with it.
Backed, Ann Mynard (Windshadow)

Sheila as I have made comment to other thriller writers, I don't usually read this genre, but how can on not when there are so many excellent books. Yours is up there with them. The cover engaging to say the least, pitch grabbing and the book so far absolutely gripping. You have a way with your words that create such vivid pictures in the mind it is easy to feel I am watching through a window at it all happening. I have not read it all but will put it as BACKED and then put on my WL to read more. BEST of luck

Denise
The Letter

HI Shelia, I just read your Novel. Its very well written and I really enjoy it. I BACK you book! Harold Alvin(ICON)Wesley

hi ,

i loved reading this, as i read more i will comment though i am backing you for now.

good stuff
GreenH
through green's eyes

i am adding you to my watchlist to read

GreenH
through green's eyes

Pinpoint is fabulous. It has all the elements of a winner. No wonder it reached the ED.
Well done Sheila... enjoy the success!!
Christine Elaine Black
MAXIMUS

Pinpoint is fabulous. It has all the elements of a winner. No wonder it reached the ED.
Well done Sheila... enjoy the success!!
Christine Elaine Black
MAXIMUS

Hi

Congratulations on your gold star.

I was gripped by the first chapter.

Your spare writing style gets the reader to the point speedily. I thought you could delete 'and' more often. Something grates about And at the beginning of sentence.

I confused partner as in relationship and partner as in law firm partner. Maybe you could make this a little clearer straightaway?

You keep the plot moving but also give us quite a lot of detail. E.g. does the reader need to know that Ben at the law firm is divorced and lives alone. Is there going to be some romantic link between Julia and him? (Sorry I haven't read all the chapters on the site.)

I found Julia's inner monologue a bit heavy going at times - maybe overall some of this could be cut down? I like the way you start to set up the story by mentioning Julia's adoption, and I see where you are going with her inner thoughts. Can you find a way to make this thread clear to the reader while reflecting the fact that it would be confusing for Julia? We need to see Julia's confusion for what it is rather than share her confused thoughts.

Once you switch to Sam Smith's viewpoint the pace really picks up and this was the point that had me hooked in your chapter 5.

A great read which I will return to. Congratulations again and good luck with getting published.

Anne
A Certain Freedom

I have read your entire book and I have to say it was a pleasure to read. The chapters are short and crisp in the time honoured fashion of the thriller genre. Each chapter pushed the story forward at a fast pace. The plot line was thrilling indeed

All your characters are believable, Particularly your MC lawer.

I can't second guess HCs comment, but I trust it will be of the positive type that it deserves.

Very well written and plotted.

Good luck with your review.

Declan

Unfortunately, as so often happens, I’m the minority view, and I’m not going to make you happy with this critique.

In this, as with so many postings here, it’s not a story a reader can experience, it’s a transcript of you telling that story, exactly as you would were we together. Yes, you’ve tried to disguise that fact by writing in present tense, but still, it’s not in the moment the character calls now, it’s in the moment the storyteller calls now—a very different thing, because it makes what you’re presenting a report.

Every line is a declarative sentence, about an event within the story. So, we know only what happens, not the motivation for it happening, or the reaction to it happening. But that’s what a reader comes for. The events are only the framework and reason for the human struggle.

To hear it for yourself, try an experiment. Read each line in a flat voice at a constant rate, modified only by the punctuation. Further, hesitate for a full second at the end of each line.

Some specifics.

• I’ve represented many murderers and am always surprised at how normal they appear.

Makes no sense, Surely, at some point it becomes expected. Because of this, it’s obvious that this is actually an info-dump of history to “bring the reader on board.” But they know what you’re doing, so it doesn’t work. Of more importance, an editor looking at this in a submission would know.

• But this one is different.

This is the first meeting with the client. The character cannot know he’s a murderer, only that he’s been accused. And, in fact, we don’t learn what he’s accused of. In the next chapter you have the verdict announced for a trial we never witness, even to the extent of learning what he has supposedly done. We don’t know if the lawyer thinks him guilty or innocent. We just know that he’s been declared of something or other. Was it premeditated? Dunno. Accidental? Dunno. Gun? Knife? Poison? Dunno.

• As this one walks into the interview room he stops dead

Major problem. You open by saying that murders look normal. Then you say he’s different, which says he doesn’t LOOK normal. Yet you say he stops dead, which has nothing to do with how he looks.

Here’s the problem: This isn’t written in the POV of the character, at the moment it happens. It’s written in the POV of the author (I know you pretend to be the character, but the reader knows it’s really you). And because of the external POV you’re reporting what you visualize, not what he’s sensing and about to react to.

• His mouth opens. His chin juts forwards. He clamps his elbows to his sides as though a knife has plunged into his back

There’s no flow, and no motivation for him to do this, because you’re having him react before we know what he’s reacting to. That places effect before cause. You give a series of events, any one of which would cause the protagonist to react/respond in some way, and to think about what s/he’s seeing. But we never get a reaction, only a list of events. And then, after the reaction, you tell us what he reacts to.

• My skin is cold, clammy. The floor tilts. I must stay in control.

Because a prisoner looks at the character? Nonsense. But we know nothing about how the character feels, or what causes the events, so there’s no feeling of anything but reading a list. How does the character feel? What do they think? What are they going to do? Again, effect before cause.

Not only can’t I answer any of those questions—and should be able to—I don’t even know the protagonist’s gender. And when the section ends I still don’t know.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -

I say all of the above, not to find fault with the writing, but to point out that there are serious problems because we’re not in the character’s POV, and because you’re telling a fact-based story, just as you would were you writing nonfiction—which is what we’re trained to do in school.

But were you in the character’s head, telling us what she senses, and how she reacts to that, in real-time, you would be forced to think like her, not you. And as a result couldn’t present effect before cause. Nor could you interject your personal viewpoint because you’d be off stage, with no voice with which to express it. And, by being the character, rather than telling the character what to do next, everything that’s seen or sensed would be effected by the character’s likes, perception, and desires. And that’s what POV is supposed to provide.

It’s not about the story, your writing, or your potential. It’s about the difference between a fact based and an emotion based approach. It’s about involving a reader rather than informing them.

And, all of the above leads to the short version: there is a huge body of craft to the profession of fiction writer, little of which is given us in our basic education. It’s tools, not rules, and since craft is the horse your talent must ride, it makes sense to saddle and bridle Pegasus in place of the wimpy pony we’re issued in school.

The good news is learning that craft is interesting—at least it is if you’re truly cut out to be a writer. But that’s okay, because if you’re not you learn that, too. Win/win.

There are many paths you can take. My personal recommendation would be to look for Techniques of the Selling Writer, by Dwight Swain, on Amazon, and read the excerpt. Then, pick up a copy of either that or Debra Dixon’s GMC: Goal Motivation ad Conflict. They’re the best I’ve found for learning the basics of scene and story construction.

I wish I had better news. Sorry. I hope this has at least some value.

COngratulations, Sheila! Well done. I look forward to the review.

A serious congratulations, your novel deserves to be published. You worked hard and I wish you all the luck in the world. Mark Mane

I really, truly, enjoyed reading to the end of the second chapter (your fifth chapter). It kept me on my toes and I love the way you move your plot forward. I usually am not very interested in mysteries, but what I've read has only compelled me to read on. Every once in a while I would find myself slightly confused, but I felt like the writing was leading me on and after a few more sentences I would understand again. I will be back for more of this intelligent, crafty story soon.
All the Best
Arianna Lucke

yay! Finally, what did they say?

Congrats! Let me know how it goes.

Congratulations! And best of luck with the editorial board - I hope it leads to publication for you.

Sincerely,
Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

Congrats!
Mike Napier (VietMom)

Congrats!
Mike Napier (VietMom)

Congratulations!!!

HI Sheila - Just checked out the first two full chapters of Pinpoint and I can see why you're top 5!
Well written, believable characters - esp Julia - good descriptions of scene and mood in the courtroom and in Manchester. Good plot that flows easily. Best of luck.
Adrian Lee

Good luck with this Sheila - a gripping pitch, it's on my watchlist, i'll be back to read some more

Sian Banks

This really is exceptional writing. This what I look for (and long to achieve): prose and dialogue which flows so naturally that the words themselves disappear, instead transporting one into a rich and redolent world of shared imagination. Your ranking is well deserved. I shall come back to this quickly and read it all the way through. Best of luck and thanks again for your encouraging comments on CONNECTED.

This really is exceptional writing. This what I look for (and long to achieve): prose and dialogue which flows so naturally that the words themselves disappear, instead transporting one into a rich and redolent world of shared imagination. Your ranking is well deserved. I shall come back to this quickly and read it all the way through. Best of luck and thanks again for your encouraging comments on CONNECTED.

Well, that's a great hook right there. The prologue was okay, but I didn't see much reason for it. Starting at chapter one feels better to me, personally. Usually prologue's aren't written in the same style as the rest of the novel too, and this was still first person and the regular MC. It is interesting though, especially intriguing is who is this guy? Is he really her brother? I think the synopsis' last part where you say anyone is capable of evil if being pushed far enough has to be the reason someone would continue to trudge on, to see what you really mean.

Good job, hope your progress forward only improves,
Novella Ray
The Great Destruction

Very interesting. I was only able to read a little so far, but I plan on continuing later because it is turning out to be a good read. The story flows well and keeps me engaged, wondering just how it is going to unfold. I can see why this is so high on the list and have no doubt it will be selected for review. Until then, it's staying on my shelf. Best of luck, though I doubt you'll need luck. The talent speaks for itself.

Stuart

Congratulations!

I received a chill from the prologue alone. Thrilling narrative, I am looking forward to finishing it. You don't need my help but you have my backing

creepy. tense. taught. realistic. fun. backed.

Hey Sheila,

I like the idea for your book. You've probably been told already that the writing is good so I don't think I'll expand any further. I'll be sure to keep this shelved for the rest of the month. Good luck

Sean

Sheila,

My son writes crime and cop novels and I am into his stuff. So, I really like your style and obvious research efforts. You have created a really bad guy, and you did it expertly. Julia is probably more like a real lawyer than what you normally see on the television. Paul Moxon is a believable cop, the scenario is believable as are all your characters. This is top-seller material.

You are a wonderful writer, a polished wordsmith, a creative word picture painter, and an imaginative genius.
I am impressed with your overall management of timelines, plots, and character development. I am also delighted with your use of the language.

I am pleased with your narrative crafting and the way you carry the reader along to the next, and the next, and the next situation. I also am in awe of the way you make sure that the action and drama contain just enough dialogue to carry the scenes but do not wear out the reader --i.e., ad naseum.

My hat is off to you, and I wish you the very best. You have earned all the good and wonderful things that will come to you as a best-selling author.

PawPaw Mike

Love your writing. It's perfect. Words that work together to make a picture larger than the sum of the parts, trim, athletic sentences with not one extra word, conveying forward momentum. And not one extra sentence, just what is needed to carry the reader deeper and deeper into the mystery. And characters that I want to know more about, and a finely crafted plot. It's all here. A complete effort. Publish this author!

Sheila

So far I've read your prologue and Chapter 1 and been quite impressed. I read it without being particularly aware of things like style and technique, which signifies to me that it is well written. I found the storyline intriguing - a prostitute killer involved in organised crime may be the brother that's supposedly been dead for 28 years and is now out to get the heroine, for reasons yet to be made clear. I must find out what happens next. Unfortunately I want to know what happens next in 4 or 5 other stories on the site that I'm trying to read simultaneously, as well as the one I'm trying to write.

One theme that I noticed when reading this is reflected in phrases like "men always expect to have power over women". Are we really that bad?

I think the book's worth backing.

Jim H

YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION!!!!... simply speechlesss!!! amazing book!!!! hats off!

You've got what movie-industry folks would call a "high concept". Love the sparse prose in the brief prologue and also relieved to see it fleshed out a bit in the ensuing chapters. Good professional-quality writing. Well done and backed.
Darren Pardee
House of Reptiles

I can't disagree with the other numerous comments. The carefully crafted characters, rich dialog, and ups and downs make for satisfying read. I like your style and choice of words. The fast pace keeps the reader involved and the clever foreshadowing builds a bit of tension. I found nothing that warrants adverse criticism. Good luck with it.

theweed - "Where's The Ivy"

Sheila, Backed! Your premise is a highly original one and is certainly a gripping idea. It has that elusive quality that we know pretty well how things must go, but we don;t know how they are going to turn out so there is suspense but at the same time a confident expectation that we're not going to be let down!

I personally favour the straight factual style that you use, so I'm with you there. But I do have one suggestion. I felt that on occasion your exposition and dialogue was a little 'on the nose' and you could have achieved a feeling of greater originality by being a littl emore indirect or oblique in leading the reader to the conclusion you wanted.

Very best of luck with this excellent thriller.

Richard
(The Glass Harmonica)

Wow, I'm blown away by your writing - it comes across as effortless. I feel like I just picked up a novel at a bookstore. So simply yet powerfully written - I can't wait to read more! I am probably commenting a little prematurely but I've enjoyed the beginning so much I had to post my two cents. If there's anything I can do to keep you on the Editor's Desk don't hesitate to ask!

Hello Sheila (one of my ex wives was named Sheila)

This book MUST be published! Great writing. The powerful narrative grabs you firmly by the shoulders, and won't release you until there is some sort of resolution. Your marvelous word paintings draw you right into the scenario. You are right there, not just sitting at a desk staring into a computer screen, but part of the action. Please let me know when some astute publisher picks this book up. I want to buy a copy.

Bill
Double Eagle

This is one of those books where you what to read the last page first because of the suspense. Smith's not going to do his barrister in because she failed him in the court room. What was the evidence anyway? I.ve got a feeling that comes later with the rest of the story. My trouble is I can't stand the suspence these days with this sort of crime thriller, brilliant though it is. I just get so impatient but thankyou for giving me the opportunity to read this but I'm afraid I'll read the last pages if I carry on and ruin it for myself.

I've got a habit of always wanting to read the last page first because I can't stand the suspense. This book certainly does it for me. Smith is'nt going do his own barrister in because of the verdict of guilty. Whats going on with the two of them, have they fallen for each other. I'm not sure I can read this without reading the last page. Belongs at the top.

Hi Sheila

Thank you for backing Double Eagle. I have reciprocated. Congratulations on the success of Pinpoint on the site. I will continue my read later today. Beautifully written, and exciting so far. Your pitch grabbed me right away.

Bill

Absolutely enthraling.

I can imagine seeing this one in the bookstores before too long.

Good luck with the ED.

Robin

whoa!!! you by any chance a geminie! lollsss... you've actually written about twins! kooool!:)

Hi, Sheila! Thank you for your kind comments last week. Sorry I didn't respond. I went ahead and read the first two chapters of your book and will happily back it. While legal thrillers aren't my thing (I'm more of a horror and action type of guy) I could clearly see your talent shining through the paragraphs. Good look at the Editor's Desk!

Hi Sheila,

Great opening chapter, really pushes the reader onto the next. Overall well written with great pace. Best of luck with the Ed's desk!

Kit
Blue Fire

This is tight and tidy, Sheila. Well groomed and sparkles in all the right places.

I love the way you work your tags, totally balanced and of course I'm envious. Lol! I'm glad you brought this to my attention, it's been a while since I read something as polished and complete.

Deservedly on the top of the ED pile and instantly marketable. Love it when I get the opportunity to read a shining jewel. Backed with the greatest pleasure.

Andrew
Dark Disciple.

Pinpoint by Sheila Mary Taylor

'PINPOINT reveals the frightening concept that we all have the potential to commit an act of evil – if pushed beyond the acceptable limits of endurance.' Nothing like a chilling premise on which to base a thriller. I'm hooked.

Oh, what a tantalizing web to weave when half the players intentionally deceive. Who's the good guy? This cast of characters draws upon human frailty to dodge bullets without knowledge of the shooter. Julia's complexity makes her, at once, vulnerable and beguiling, with a hint of a scorpion's tail. It's through her twisted thoughts that the story's fabric starts to unravel.

Her possible twin is this side of Jack the Ripper. His threat strikes the heart of everyone, but stoic Julia. Talk about a not-so-subtle twist. And what did she do as a child? There are so many delightful threads to spin this yarn, it has to be sold with colored strings.

The thriller's a page turner that earned its time in the spotlight. Best of luck with your Authonomy success. May it fulfill your dreams ~ Toby