Something to Read on the Plane

Jan, This is well written, laugh out loud,cross your legs, tears in your eyes, funny. Clever, dry humor that everyone can relate to.

This is much needed in the world as of late and I think you have a huge audience for this.
Well done..Backed wishing you much success Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart

This is the perfect read for anytime and not just flying - I want a copy of this for my waiting room table but I am sure someone would walk with it the first day I put it out! Excellent stories et al. I am so glad it is all uploaded so I can return for more of these gems! BACKED with pleasure!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Jan,
You have me laughing out loud on this. Sometimes because of recognition, sometimes because of new situations that are hilarious and sometimes because you have a unique way of looking at a familiar situation. I would buy this in a heartbeat. Funny, funny, funny. Your sense of humor is delightful.
Shelved.
Jeff

Jan,

This had be tittering all the way through the first few stories. D&V...not nice, and I sympathised. And Walter’s issue had me remembering a dearly departed friend. In a nice way, of course. You’ve a deft eye and ear for the timing of your (often hilarious) humour, and it’s because of that timing that this works so well. Good job. Happy to give it some support. And thanks for lightening my afternoon :)

Best of luck!

--Jack Ramsay (Brogan's Crossing)

Jan,

I came across your book quite by accident and had no idea what to expect from it.

A Night on the Run - Yes we've all been there haven't we? Perhaps not whilst camping at a caravan park in the middle of the night however. This is very well written - my favourite lines are 'Like a caterpillar emerging from a cocoon I slithered out of the sleeping bag . . . And 'a netting of guy ropes and lethally positioned steel pegs had me blundering about like a myopic hedgehog'.

Fantastic imagery.

A Matter of Convenience - This short story is full of humour, parody, and comic situations. The image of Frank chasing after his car whilst being chased by the Lion(s) is great. What makes this story for me is your witty use of witty dialogue. Each character has been well realised and the family dysfunction comes across clearly. Guaranteed to put a smile on anyone's face.

Something in the Air - Aha! Now we're onto the dreaded something. It lurks everywhere and yet is never seen by the naked eye . . . Brilliant line 'They advised - according to my mother - never putting your face near the cat.' You've captured a different time when people though disease could be transmitted by any (and all) means. Great use of sarcasm!

These stories are very enjoyable, and I haven't noticed any errors to comment on. I will gladly back and have on my shelf for others to see and (hopefully) share. A full six stars from me.

Ben - The Frogness of Being

A Night on the Run - a very amusing reminder of a nightmare couple of days I spent camping in a Botswana game park. There is nothing worse than a bad case of diarrhoea in big cat country with open air toilets!

A Matter of Convenience - A well observed tale of a bickering family day-trip which also brings back many unwanted memories! Why are dislodged false teeth always funny?

A delightful set of humorous short stories, cleverly told and beautifully observed. Starred generously and will be on my shelf asap. Good luck with this.

Hi Jan,

I saw your thread about epublishing, so I came over to peek at your work. I picked this book as I'm knackered and feel like something light and fun to cheer me up. ;)

I’ll comment as I read, since I always find that the easiest way to go about this whole commenting malarkey. So, without further ado, here I go…

A Night on the Run:

Ooh ominous start. I’m guessing this story’s going to soon become a study in brown ;).

Yup, your character’s soon running the night-time gantlet from sleeping bag to slippery bog. A treacherous and dangerous journey, no doubt. I found myself mentally inserting the Indiana Jones theme tune as I read. While I pity the poor sod, I loved the descriptions of his suffering, especially “Flatly on speed.” ;).

Aww but his wife’s all solicitous the next day, as are the fellow campers. It looks like he might actually survive. Phew. :)

Lovely little limerick at the end. V whimsical. Reminded me of Milligan’s daftness. Good stuff. ;)

A Matter of Convenience:

Poor Walter. It sounds like his bladder’s a ticking timebomb!
Uh oh I can’t believe they stalled in the lion enclosure. What on Earth will he do? He’s gotta get to a … ahem relieving place soon or he’s gonna blow!
Will rocking work? No. Starter? No. Bouncing? No. Then the squabbling kicks off. I can really feel the tension in that metal box on wheels. ;)

Great sequence of silly events that lead to Walter losing his teeth outside the car. This story reminds me of the way Tom Sharpe builds things up, heading towards madness little step by step.
Is anybody in the car dumb enough to get the teeth back? … Yup, these people are obviously the exception that proves the rule when it comes to the “survival of the fittest” rule of evolution. ;)

Thingg unsurprisingly, become v bad for Frank in a short time. Soon, the lions are taking a definite interest in him. I wonder, should I start referring to this character as lunch from now on? ;)
Luckily, Lunch makes it back to the car, and they all safely return to the carpark. Alas, the teeth are never to be seen again. And the toilets are out of order. Another trip through the lion enclosure looms ahead, with that bladder hovering on the edge. :(

Something in the Air:

Hmmm looks like this is the tale of a hypochondriac, fearing a dreaded, unseeable something.

Ah it soon becomes clear your character’s world is indeed a dangerous place, filled with cats, unwashed fruit, other children’s shoes… the list goes on and on. I’m shivering as I read this. I feel such a fool about being so cavalier with regards to safety. In the near future, I will endeavour to buy my very own inflatable sterilised plastic bubble to live in. This story is really opening my eyes! ;)

Chilling end to the story. Has your character contracted this something or not? Am I perhaps reading the last words of a doomed soul. Scary. ;)

The Great Ant War:

Ant attack! Shocking start. How on Earth has this happened? I’ll have to read on and find out. ;)

Hmmm seems they invaded via the windowsill and annexed the bed. The little blighters! Ah and it seems there’s a history of desperate struggle here, dating back to the dog’s dinner affair.

V soon, it looked like the ants were pulling out all the stops in a desperate effort to win at any cost. They literally must have had to climb over the bodies of their own dead! I’m shocked and appalled. These ants are so … inhuman. ;)

Phew, by the end of the story it looks as if the plucky protagonist gets the better of the evil invaders. Now they’re off invading another house. That’s OK. I don’t give a toss about the neighbours. ;)
Poste Haste:

Oh I feel for poor Frank immediately. I can’t imagine what he’s had to endure, putting up with the in-laws for 3 whole months. I shudder at just the thought. :(

I blinked at the revelation of what/who Grt brought. This family is obviously… ah … special. Uh oh… it looks like the ashes get left behind. Disaster. What can poor Frank do now? :(

Ah cunning plan to send the ashes in the mail. I guess that’d be a sort of toast by post ;). (Sorry, I couldn’t resist the crap joke :().

I laughed out loud at the weighing procedure. I got the image of this happening on a cooking programme. The wind fiasco made me laugh too. Soon, it looks like she’s all back in 1 pile, though. Brushed up nicely, didn’t she? (Sorry for my crap joke number 2. I promise that’ll be the last 1. ;))

Then she’s in the envelope, and all seems sorted out with the funeral people. Ah but there’s a final kick in the nuts for the long-suffering Frank. Walter’s false teeth. What new (mis)adventures will this development herald? ;)

OK I think I need to stop reading/commenting now as I’m really short on time now + this comment’s getting stupidly long. :(

What can I say? I loved this book. It was just what I needed to cheer myself up. Great collection of fun and irreverent short stories, each 1 madder than the last. ;)

I’m giving this 6 stars, as I think it thoroughly deserves it. I’m v glad it’s been published, and hope you sell many thousands of copies.

Best of luck,

Pete

Your pith drew me in and i'm glad it did. It was a great read and I hope it goes far.
Leslie
"Love has no borders"

Very funny. Being prompted to take a short cut through the lion enclosure just sewed that story up.

You've really hit on a great concept and the title gives the target audience.It would appeal to someone too who wanted a humorous 'dip in and try' read. That's how I approached it and have to say - it didn't disappoint. I'm not planning on a flight in the near future but I'd get it as a bedside book. I shall back with pleasure. Yours Marilyn Jenkins ('The Legacy of Alice Waters'.)

Jan, you have produced a miracle here! I will buy it! I'm getting over a bladder problem myself and nearly we... myself when I read ch. 2! Ch. 1 is brilliant! Backed, of course! Let me know when you are in print! (gordonl.thomas@vigin.net) Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

Ingenous side-splitting stories, etcetra with stunning imagery and evocative narrative. Fizzy. Fun. Well conceived. Well executed. Backed.

this is great, funny and well written, a job well done, backed

alison

Excellent. I like the light, witty humor. Since you are self-publishing, you could bring out the same book with other titles (Something to read in the doctors/dentist's waiting room, etc. - it would be much better than 2 year old magazines). I can hardly wait for the sequels (More things to read on the plane, Even more things to read on the plane, Something else to read on the plane, etc.) This could be big!

Backed with pleasure

Steven Lloyd
THE AUDACITY OF HOPE AND CHANGE

Hilarious, and so well written. On my shelf.
Joanna
Fossil Farm

Something To Read On The Plane is a really cool little book. Chap7 in particular appealed to me as I'm often guilty of committing them! My Hylda Baker moments. All the very best with your work. By the way there are specialist publishers for this kind of thing e.g. One Hundred Things To Do With A Dead Cat springs readily to mind - so many of that ilk ...

I am so glad I did not need to buy a plane ticket to get to read this..

A real treat....Backed

odeb...GHOSTWOMAN

pity there isn't more books sold like this instead of the vacuous crap that normally comes celebrity endorsed or "written by". Genuinely funny writing.
Backed
David
Bailey of the Saints

I learned a new word from reading your book. Does "trot" means something bad in the stomach like diarrhea? Your writing is excellent that I cannot keep my eyes off. You have made money on your books already so it seems to me your writing and stories lines won't be any problems and it is true.
I am glad I have found your book to read to cheer up my days.

Backed,
Bamboo Promise

It's great fun and well presented but I become frustrated with the continuous ineptitude of the characters after a while. It contains wit and believably accurate descriptions of everyday events. I particularly liked the lion enclosure sequence, had me giggling continuously. It would work better for me if the comedy of errors was relieved now and again by the hint of some more positive abilities in the participants.

Jan - Something to read on the Plane is a fun book - intend to read more (not necessarily on a plane) but backing you now for putting together humour and interesting anecdotes. Well done that man! Balepy (Freckles the Fawn)

Well, I like short stories and I like comedies, so I guess I was always going to like this. It's not hard to see why it's sold 1000 copies, the humour's dry and always there, lurking around. I'm also a caravanner so the first story had me laughing in more ways than one, I hope for your sake it's not autobigraphical. I'll be reading more when I get more time, will pop on the shelf for now
Charlie

Jan

This is entertaining, hilarious and occasionally guilt-inducing stuff (I too have suffered the fishtank slurry problem for my mum - but with slightly more tragic consequences). You should try selling these as individual snippets to magazines - you'd make way more money than publishing it as a book.

Good luck and thanks for some real belly laughs,
Brian

This is an absolute hoot. Very entertaining. Your writing is so fluid and tight that I found a myself gobbling up story after story. This is perfect to share with your travelling companion.
Backed and still reading more.
Rakhi (Sir William....)

Hi Jan, Wonderful comic relief and I’d think moreso if I was traveling. The Pandora box of travel medications has the exaggeration that rises in hilarity. The second story was even more fun with the lions. It reminded me of H. E. Bates’ family humor only this goes even further. I think this could do well for a pleasure read! Easily shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Really good, you deserve all the success. BAcked. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

Ha ha. I'm not one to suffer in silence either. This is just hilarious. I cans ee why it is selling well on Amazon. I also hate flying and this would certainly help me to overcome my deep rooted fear, at least it would help me take my mind off sitting in a metal can and ploughing through the air. You are a hugely gifted writer of comedy and I take my hat off to you.
Carl
The time hunters

Backed ... certainly a necesary read, esp. on airlines that have decided to curtail or charge immensely outrageous fees for any service. With a proper frame of mind, your writing and sense if humour certainly makes it a recommended read!

Stephan Zimmermann (panaxus)
NO RAPTURE

Something to Read on the Plane
Jan Hurst-Nicholson

This is a pure delight and hugely entertaining. Lively, beautifully written and exciting. I have no doubt it will eventually be picked up by a traditional publishing house (if it hasn't already?) Happy to have backed this and all the best in your writing career.
Zan

Backed
Splinker
B.D.S.T.

excellent quick word beginning. I always suspected this.
Exactly how am I under surveillance?
Backed already.
On to chapter 1.
A zoomer
Going Out In Style

Something to Read on the Plane:

The Night Run -

Jan,

I had never previously realised how profound an effect olives could have on the digestive system but Chapter 1 was - both for the narrator and the reader - a learning curve! The narrator's yo-yoing between caravan and karsi is mind boggling - with the emphasis on the bog - and reminded me vividly of an inept attempt I once made to camp out in a tent for a night; the gastro-intestinal debacle not applicable on that occasion.
The prose - and please don't misinterpret me - is very 'liquid', perhaps I should say fluous and I found myself delivered with pace and ease to that private destination where relief came like water in a desert.
The narrator is sometimes almost self-effacing, never taking himself too seriously and, warts 'n all, comes across as likeable and amusing.

Backed.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

All right you got me right at the beginning; a quick word rather than foreward - very funny. You have the unique ability to personalize situations directly to your reader. You made me chuckle alot and that is not usually the case. Backed with hysterical pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Dear Jan, I love your humor - what a neat book! Your blurb & table of contents were so good. Your story is an excellent read because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing/commenting on your book to help it advance. Thanks so much for commenting/backing, "He Loves Me." :) Could you please take moment to back/comment on my unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories." Thanks, Susie :)

Jan, This is well written, laugh out loud,cross your legs, tears in your eyes, funny. Clever, dry humor that everyone can relate to.

This is much needed in the world as of late and I think you have a huge audience for this.
Well done..Backed wishing you much success Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart

Just made a much delayed return to this book and read Chapter 20 (don't tell anyone, I'm not supposed to be reading anything at the moment). Great short story in the classic tradition. Nothing more needs to be said. Keep up the good work. If you ever get a spare moment, have a look at my blog at http//philwhiteland.blog.co.uk, I would be interested in your opinion.

Philip (Steady Past Your Granny's)

I'm never sure why someone posts an already published book on this site - what would you do if someone said it needed a lot of work before it should be published - but you've already published it - but okay. Luckily, I agree with you it would be good reading for a plane ride. I'll add it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

It's good. It's short. It's funny. It's backed! Colin

My God, Jan -

You've been traveling with my family, haven't you? Admit it.

LOVED the lion park and father-in-law's dentures and challenged bladder.

Delighted to back this.

Best of luck here.

- Jeff Lee
THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR

A great little set of short stories! They made me laugh and really brightened up my day. Each is well written and has a distinct feel to them. It was a pleasure.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

The title says it all. A little light reading for a nice flight. Backed!

Some notes on the "A Night on the Run"
I'm not sure what the "trots" is, but as I read on I guess its diarrhea. It adds to voice though to use the word you did, it's probably just not familiar to me because I'm in the US. The second sentence didn't really make sense to me. Of course it's not a good time. You just said there is never a good time ;) Maybe "And if there was, a long weekend..."
I think you need a comma after "Like a caterpillar emerging from a cocoon. Also after "Torch in hand" This can be a matter of stylistic preference though, or due to you being on the other side of the pond.
I like the term "inky blackness"
Up to this point in the story, I don't get the point of the story. Why was he fearful of waking the neighbors? Are they psychopaths? Will they hurt him if he wakes them? Being "fearful" I want to know WHY. Or is he just being careful? I don't really understand his emotion there.
I'd suggest a comma after "Feeling a slight sense of relief".
Walking a gravel path relieved him? I thought it made him fearful? I can't tell if he's talking bout his fewar of neighbors or relapsing with diarrhea. Did he crap his pants? This is really jumpy and I can't follow what has happened so far.
This is an awkward adverb: compaionably IDK if I even spelled it right LOL. but it's a mouthful and jarred me from the reading.
I'm noticing a pattern with you saying "when" This might be because there is no sense of time in your story with the jumping around, so you have to tell us when new things happen, but the thing is we don't know when those other things are happening so we are basically just getting a lot of "this and this happened at the same time" and "this and this happened at the same time". I'd look into continuity on this peice.
I would suggest a comma at "As midnight approached"
I'm about halfway through the story, and still nothing has happened. The guy has diarrhea. And? He does what anyone with diarrhea does. Shits a lot. I really don't get it. Maybe it's just not my kind of humor.
What was the further encounter with the security card. Why add him to a christmas card list? Does this guy send cards to everyone who gives him a friendly nod? How would he send the card. Did they exchange addresses during this encounter. Or names? Perhaps he'll send it the camp grounds, but he'd at least need a name. I'm trying to follow the logic of their peice.
I'd put a comma after "By the feeble light of the torch...
I noticed that you only use two different sentence structures. Either you start with I, or you try a leading participial with one comma and what happened at that time. Try using a few more than that because the pattern is a bit lulling.
Now he's gonna die because he has diarrhea? A funeral? He sounds like a really big baby. He's not funny or likeable. I think you need to work on the peice of this a bit. So far all I've gathered is the writer of the story knows what diarrhea is like.
"was mentally ticking" could be tightened to "mentally ticked"
"was drifting" could be tightened to "drifted"
This didn't feel like a story at all. I think you need to try a stronger voice. And something needs to happen. I feel like I just read about diarrhea, but there was no story there. Everything was told. "then my wife did this" It's more like an outline. "then this, and then this, and then this happened" and there was no emotion either.
I hope these comments will be helpful.
xBeccaX
The First Phoenix

What a marvellous book to dip in and out of. I love the last line to 'A Public Inconvenience', and I have read the preface, Sex Education (of course) and the Agony Aunt. All sparkle, and I really have no constructive advice to offer - maybe add a few more problems to Agony Aunt? I can see this being a great 'loo' book - perfect length chapters, and random enough subjects. Ben

Really really good! I am so glad i decided to back this!

This is the perfect read for anytime and not just flying - I want a copy of this for my waiting room table but I am sure someone would walk with it the first day I put it out! Excellent stories et al. I am so glad it is all uploaded so I can return for more of these gems! BACKED with pleasure!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Hi Jan,
A collection of amusing vignettes. I found the first three very funny - shelved

Honestly don't have a single piece of advice. These are what they are and they are very good at it.

John

Every opening line is a gem. This is funny and thankfully light hearted stuff.
I'd say it should be published, but it looks as if it already is... so I'll say, it should be Purchased :)

Shelved,
Dan-
Eunice Stubbins, among others...

This is so different, so easy to pick up, not so easy to put down. Very good I enjoyed this immensely – good luck

Famlavan – Museum of Old Beliefs

Are you getting sick of the gushing praise? I thought not. Fabulous. I enjoyed this immensely. Backed with a serious hat tip to you. Need to go check out your other, but backed.

This is just brilliant...it's what I could have done with on my last flight....and all that time spent hanging around Changi Airport.. I have no hesitation in backing this! Excellent...made me laugh out loud on numerous occasions.

George Fripley
(Wurzel of Clutton)

A Night on the Run and A Matter of Convenience. Well-chosen titles. Jan, I've looked at both stories and couldn't succeed in keeping a straight face. Great writing skill. Memorable dialogue.

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

BACKED.

shah

this is great, it really cheered me up, just what i needed this morning, so thank you, and backed with pleasure

alison

backed.

shah