Book Jacket

 

rank 2448
word count 13634
date submitted 07.07.2008
date updated 10.02.2009
genres: Comedy
classification: adult
incomplete

SLAY MISTY FOR ME

Suzanne Thorpe

New lovers, ex lovers, missing lovers, hitmen, and of course ... a cat called Misty.

 

This is the darkly comic tale of Alistair’s secret, buried in the garden, and Misty, the impermeable cat who is determined to stay despite Alistair’s attempts to remove him. Tiffany is the beautiful wife, with the less than beautiful motive for marrying him, whilst Pearl is the sour sister of his ex lover, Coral, who has disappeared. Trevor is the hapless lad, employed by Pearl to put ‘the frighteners’ on him, and find out what happened to Coral.

Yet someone with more expertise than Trevor is almost succeeding as several accidents happen around Alistair. Could there be a real hitman on his trail, and if so, who has hired him and why?

He has no choice but to call on the ‘missing’ Coral to come back and prove he hasn’t committed a deadly crime of passion. Yet when she returns secrets are forced out into the open, not least a determined hitman and Tiffany’s real reason for marrying Alistair. Only Misty proves a true friend, managing to save his life!


 
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tags

black comedy, thriller

on 4 watchlists

28 comments

 

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Andee Hughes wrote 825 days ago

Even if I hadn't enjoyed this (which I did), I'd back you anyway since I once had a ginger cat called Misty!
He thought he was superior too!
Great pitch and I love the way you tell the story.
Backed.
Andrea. Breach of Faith.

Nick Poole2 wrote 826 days ago

ARISE, AUTHONOMY GHOST!

Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb.

You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer.

Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection.

One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act:

Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

V.G.Clearwater wrote 1144 days ago

You could use a line by line edit I think. The problem isn't your sentences but the wording. I get it after I've read it a few times but I shouldn't have to reread it.

Also, be careful about the word repeat. For example: Instead he walked to the driver's door and managed instead a wobbly, lunatic smile.

You have two insteads there and you do it throughout the chapter. Easy fix though, so don't sweat it. We all do it.

I LOVE the name of this MS and I think the concept is solid. Take a couple of writing courses to help your sentence structure and you're on your way to the top!

All my best,
VG Clearwater

John Booth wrote 1144 days ago

I found this quite well written, though the paragraph get a little long in places.
Not really my sort of book I'm afraid, but I wish you a lot of luck with it

All the best
John

Steven Orlowski wrote 1302 days ago

Suzanne,
I greatly appreciate your kind words regarding my novel 180 Days. I will have new chapters up soon.
Steven Orlowski

Paul Misho wrote 1307 days ago

Great job Suzanne,

I really like the humour/dark tone of the story, and I could easily follow the beat of your style of writing.
I enjoyed re-reading the similes and metaphors, which kept me wanting more.
It was like reading a candy bookstore of animated images.
For example, your quick micro subtle description "…the cat poured itself over the fence…" , springs a vivid mental image of sleekness and agility. Much like the rest of the chapters.

I could go on and on…

Other examples of your style I like:

"...the pot crashed into two brittle and angry halves where he would have been…"

"...the early summer sun slipped into Hartshome Lake like a gorged round goldfish,…"

"...He had the impression she was watching him, hatching something, like a female gator sitting on her eggs…"

"…with spiky gelled hair, an over generous nose, and a scattering of purple headed spots like a late showing of crocuses…"
"…Alistair felt a pang of empathy with the lad, like a wrong chord being strummed on a folk guitar…"

To me, it all made it easier to connect with the characters and their emotions and thoughts, and the cat of course, and what I noticed is that I was reading with a little smile.

And I'm hoping there are more chapters in the offing….

c u in the reading room

4dprefect wrote 1313 days ago

This is delightfully whimsical and comical but with that nicely dark edge, the jealousy over the cat is brilliantly portrayed. This isn't my normal sort of reading but as I've had cause to say quite often lately, Authonomy appears to be adjusting my definition of what is my normal reading. That first chapter is quite long - I didn't mind that personally, as it read very easily and briskly - but it is something publishers and editors might seize upon. And having written a short story myself where someone couldn't get rid of a cat, no matter how hard they tried, I have an affinity for this tale. The character of the cat is wonderful too.

2004carlt wrote 1316 days ago

You're writing looks pretty good. I've put you in watched. Good luck.

4dprefect wrote 1316 days ago

Thank you very kindly Susanne. I'm so glad when someone who doesn't normally read sci-fi enjoys this - I always felt it had a broader appeal. Hope you continue to enjoy and if you like what you read, I know I'd hugely appreciate a space on your bookshelf. Hope to get back to read more of Slay Misty For Me soon.

Ali Cooper wrote 1316 days ago

Suzanne, thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I hope that you might find room for my book on your shelf soon and also, that if you know other readers who might enjoy it, you will recommend it to them. Altho it may not seem so in view of the fact the book is doing well here, I am having to work hard for every vote. I am finding this site very blokey dominated and it's quite difficult to find the readers who are likely to enjoy it. I have started a couple of women's fiction threads so that anyone who feels their book fits into this category (as there isn't one on the site) can have the opportunity to list their work there and I hope that this will redress the balance a little and also make it easier for women to seek out books they may enjoy. Ali.

Paul Misho wrote 1319 days ago

Hi Suzanne,

'Slay Misty For Me' immediately grabbed, nabbed and gripped me on the first three paragraphs--- the style and metaphors are right up my alley. The metre flowed, your timing is skilled.
Bookshelved!

I will offer more comments as I read more.

And I also will check on 'Hot Summer Night'

SJ wrote 1320 days ago

I read the first two chapters, and while there are humorous scenes that you have captured well, I didn’t like the fact that you were telling me everything, but not showing it to me. The first part of chapter one is mainly concerned with back story that really slows the narrative. Then it happens again in chapter two. You start in the present, but then slip into back story again (and there’s an awkward POV change towards the end of this chapter that threw me too). It’s only my opinion, but I would prefer to see a much more active approach, where any relevant back story was trickled in without being too obtrusive.

Again, only my opinion, so take anything I say with a pinch of salt.

Suzanne wrote 1321 days ago

Many thanks Mick, Ali and Simon for the great comments which I will have to get back to another day. I am glad you found the dark element, Mick, as I love black comedy (I suppose I have a strange sense of humour). I won The Muriel Winter Prize with a black comedy (short story) - a bit of trumpet blowing here! I don't know whether you all find the website daunting or not? I do because, as you say, Ali, there are so many books. Good idea about chic lit market, but it is isn't really that as I see Alistair as the main character. I haven't actually tried to place this book yet. I had a lot rejections with other work which I have now shelved (actually in a travel trunk), although I did have a thriller, Hidden Agendas, on Ironside Books website in 2000 but it closed down - yeh, great reflection on my work! There were another nineteen novels on the site though to blame! I have a thriller on here too - Hot Summer Night - which isn't going well either.

Ali Cooper wrote 1321 days ago

reading this I'm wondering why you find it difficult to get a novel published - then I think of all the other brilliant unpublished work and it just gets depressing. It perhaps just needs to be in the right place at the right time, certainly I can't fault the writing. would it fit into chic lit and might this help market it? I'm sure it's a question of finding an opening rather than changing your style.

4dprefect wrote 1325 days ago

Suzanne - apologies for using your comments space on a completely unrelated matter, but I couldn't help noticing the reference in your profile to your charity Paws In Need. Helping strays overseas is a concern close to my wife's heart, after encountering all the unfortunate stray cats in Crete last year. I don't know if your charity covers Crete at all, but I do wonder if my wife would be interested in getting in touch with you to discuss your work. My wife's away at the moment, visiting her folks in the US, but you can reach me directly by clicking on my website link in my profile and clicking the Contact Me link and perhaps I could pass on your email to her? Again, sorry, but next time I return here to comment, it will be about your book, I promise. :)

Diane wrote 1369 days ago

I like the way you use the cat to describe Alistair and Tiffany's relationship, their lives together. The first section is a lovely mood setter, with characteristics and histories peppered between present-day conflict. Very nice.

Loved this:

"And I saw him the other day, walking down the precinct and going into the Halifax Building Society - he's the only guy I've seen walking like that - like he's had a vasectomy that's gone septic."

Crikey, I've known people like this…and Alistair…and Tiffany. Lol.

Overall, I found the first chapter a little too long, but that's subjective, of course. The sections seemed timed well enough for chapters though. Something you might want to consider if others have the same concerns. There were one or two typos here and there, but the prose was clean in the main.

Loved how the cat kept coming back.

All in all, a nice read. Thanks for sharing your work with us.

Khan wrote 1371 days ago

Dear Suzanne, the progression of narrative is quite good and you are able draw readers into story. Your language is competent and plot is fresh. But a bit of improvment in opening paragrah will be welcomed.

Suzanne wrote 1372 days ago

I hope you will keep reading Misty. I will certainly be frank about your books (though I don't think I can manage brutal, only in fiction). I have read many published books over the years though which I would have liked to be brutal about, including one which had a huge hole in the plot yet which was made into a TV drama. I think many of us have suffered enough 'brutality' , if only that of apathy from agents so I only comment on the books I have enjoyed. Perhaps I am guilty of not being constructive.

toscka wrote 1372 days ago

Suzanne, probably doesn't need saying, but if you do find yourself reading my book, please be brutally frank. It's what people don't like and why that I need to know. Many thanks.

toscka wrote 1372 days ago

It's my watchlist. Do you want me to continue reading this or the mysteriously disappearing thriller. The former I hope as this is my indulgent late night read.

Suzanne wrote 1372 days ago

Thanks very much as I am only on one watchlist so far and on no-one's bookshelf (ahhh) , which is probably good because it means I can't fall off one. I am in awe of your success so far and am launching into your work whilst on one reverent knee. I have recently uploaded one of my thrillers (not comedy this time) entitled Wolf At The Door butI can'[t see it anywhere. It seems to have vanished into a black hole so I hope this isn't some kind of portent. Does anyone know Stephen Hawkins email so I can track it down?

toscka wrote 1372 days ago

You must definitely keep the photo. It makes the book even more fun, and a bit of glamour always helps (it's very jackie collins if nothing else, which is no bad thing). I've backed your book and will try and read on with more comments this weekend.

Suzanne wrote 1372 days ago

Thanks very much for the comments - it isn't autobiographical (thank heavens!) . I am now in a desperate rush to change the photo!!! (Perhaps I should put a nice landscape instead?)

toscka wrote 1372 days ago

Suzanne, so melodramatic is your photo, that I keep seeing your appalling main character with your face (in a good way of course). I do hope this isn't autobiographical.

toscka wrote 1372 days ago

His crime faded like an old stain. I do love this woman, she's such an unreconstructed selfish psycho. There aren't enough women in fiction like this. It is definitely 'one to watch'. Thanks, i've only read two chapters so far, and I've been somewhat promiscuous in my reading tastes today, but this deserves more attention. Jilly Cooper with bite, and I mean that in a good way.

Suzanne wrote 1374 days ago

Many thanks for the comments, much appreciated and glad you liked it. I must admit I am a lousy typist (or should that be - I type lousily?). My mind seems to be going along a creative racetrack whilst my fingers are somewhere behind in a bus lane and no matter how much I go over my work I can't seem to spot the debris. So I would never make a proof reader. I'm just wondering about this piece ...?

Sylvia wrote 1376 days ago

An intriguing sounding plot, Suzanne, and an entertaining, amusing opening chapter. None of the people so far are going to win any personality competitions, but I already have a bit of a soft spot for Alistair - not exactly a high-brow academic, most of his thinking seems to originate from somewhere else. Very well written and original, this is one I would buy.

Some favourite moments: 'emerald eyes squashed to glinting slits'. 'they delete themselves'. 'inject passion into apathy'. 'inched caterpillar style up his newly returned spine'.

Some possible tweaks: 'rows (brows) raised'. 'computor (computer) written'. 'passed (past) the same field'.

toscka wrote 1390 days ago

Now this is fun, and sharp and stylish too. And how refreshing to have a scheming femme fatale in chick lit - is this chicklit? Very good, My only slight criticism is that the cat disposal was a litte long. I think if you trimmed chapter 1 by say, 8% it would be even better. But well done.

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