Hariklia's Icons, A true story! (MAJOR RE-EDITED VERSION 14/05/2010)

Kostas, I've only managed three chapters through lack of time, but I shall definitely be back for more. I believe your book to be very special. It's a period of history I know nothing about and it's a wonderful way to be educated. Your characters leap from the page and your descriptions are, at times, poetical. I love your writing style, which has pace and flows beautifully.
I am a particular fan of first person present narrative, and because it's something I like to work at myself, noticed a couple of things you might like to edit. Hariklia, referring to her sister 'her promegranate-red lips started quivering.' Shouldn't that be 'start'? And later, Hariklia referring to her Tatta's godmother 'I would never look as good as her.' Shouldn't that be 'will'? If this is deliberate, excuse me for mentioning it. It's just something that stood out when I was reading.
A compelling , unique story, beasutifully told and researched.
Backed with pleasure and a hope that it will go far.
Anna (Black Damask)

Thank you for your comments, and backing

First, I wrote the book in first person past tense, and in this major edition I am changing it to present tense, a process prone to introducing errors (but this is the first draft of this version and hopefully I will iron out all errors at the end). I too believe it’s better like this, but only an offer by a publisher will prove it. By the way, I am translating the book in Greek as well at the same time.

Kostas

Hi there Kostas,
I´ve been having another look at your book. I´m even more impressed.
It´s just SO real
it seems you were there. Congratulations.
As for updates, I think i suggested wrongly details of weather animals, vegetation, etc which are there in
abundance, sorry about that.
This time I had a general look and read the two example chapters. Space 15. The disaster has arrived. Refugees starving in caves.brilliant writing.
From this it seems Part 2 doesnt dwell on their culture, now being smashed.
This continues in the random chapter from Part 3. again excellent storytelling,
about their arrival as survivors in Greece.
I did find a few typos. In Space 14 at the start. curtness instead of curtains. In space 15, to breath instead of to breathe, in the caves.When Euphenia gets her revenge, before I ven, instead of before I even. And in the last line, through out instead of throughout.
The only other comment I made, maybe another mistake, was to make her 'more unsure and sympathetic'
without losing her spontaneity. Looking again I find her character is fabulous. the book is finished anyway.

I wonder if you have a publisher yet? Will there be a Greek or Turkish version? It certainly has a strong
historical interest as well as being a wonderful novel.

Wishing you loads of luck and more brilliant adventures..........Mikey

Dear Kostas,



Awed by your profile. Agree with your sentiments (because they are much like my own, tee-hee).

When I read your synopsis, I see quality, knowledge and a great deal of work behind the manuscript. ‘When war broke out …. ‘ I immediately wanted to know which war. But you do tell me at the bottom.

Within your first three paragraphs which I read three times because I assumed the writer was male like the author, I know I will not find fault with this manuscript. One of the best.

End first chapter and I reiterate, good. Very good indeed. I’m not even going to tell you why because you know exactly what you are doing.

Do you want one bitch? Delete ‘even’. It spoils your masterpiece. Before she was (even) born. Somehow, maybe emotionally, ‘even’ takes away your authority. Before she was born is precise.

Nice work how you handle the massacre information as dialogue and not narrative. So many authors here dump in formation on the reader and it stops the story dead. As I said, you know what you are doing.

Your style of writing too. Appealing. Very readable. Not once have I stumbled over awkwardness which makes me think you have edited and polished. Yes, definitely.

Hariklia’s Icons is very firmly on my bookshelf.

Kostas, you are a master. My own writing pales. Please be comforted by the knowledge that no work on the desk has ever been accepted. On the other hand, three manuscripts ranked around 110, 550 and 1100 were selected by trawling editors and their authors offered contracts. But as far as I know, they were lightweight, run of the mill works.

I intend a rewrite and when I am happy with my stuff, I’ll self publish.

Go well with your writing. It’s more than accomplished.


Kind regards,



Pierre

The Little Girl in the Fig Tree

This is wonderful stuff, Kostas. Some of the best writing I've read on the site. Definitely one for the shelf.

I'm a huge fan of historical fiction, especially when it's set at a time and in a place I know little about. I love the way you weave period/cultural detail into the narrative. The foodstuffs and the occasional Turkish phrase (esp. the endearments) in dialogue really help to root the reader in the moment - very effective but subtle. The prose is so smooth - it's clear and simple with flashes of beautifully understated lyricism. It'd be so easy to throw the kitchen sink at the descriptive passages but I think the writing's all the more effective because of the restraint you show. ('She lifted a small twig from the fire and he drew hard to light it' - simple but so evocative!) Excellent dialogue - very convincing and a great way to flesh out your characters. I really enjoyed the first person narrative so I was slightly anxious when we're shifted back into an earlier, third person POV. I needn't have worried. Both narratives work so well. This really is a joy to read, Kostas. It's chucking it down in Dorset at the moment so any excuse to be transported somewhere with the possibility of a bit of sun is very welcome!

Fantastic stuff. I fully expect to see this book rocketing past me on the charts. Thanks. A

This is a wonderful story that I hope to come back to. My grandfather was on a British ship that picked up survivors of the Smyrna massacre, and I've read up on the history, so I am not unfamiliar with the background story. Well done. Showered with stars!
Clive Clapson "Sugar on Snow: A Boy's Memoir"

Who know how many generations were passed over before our birth? Kostas Hrisos, you inspires me to think of my past generations. Your novel is not mere a historical explanation, but certainly an overview of generations who passed before us. What an exciting subject you have handled!! Certainly your novel will insight each reader to think not only his own past but a past of old generations.

Joy J. Kaimaparamban
The Wildfire

Well-paced and interesting. Backed.

Cat
"Twisted"
"Lies & Love"

What an interesting book I know little of either the time or the country so to be pleasantly educated whilst being entertained is a bonus. Your characters stand strong and real and I can smell the tobacco leaves and coffee. Very unusual and interesting
Wilma1

Knowing Liam Riley – I hope you can spare a moment to take a look.

a credit to you, stylish, well executed

i know nothing about this period of history but i do now. Yu have obviously done your homework and it shows. There are a myriad little details that not only inform the reader but paint the setting for your story beautifully it is also obvious you enjoy writing as there is an energu on your narrative that excites the reader also.

Kostas,

I am just blown away by this beautiful story and your skillful writing.

Backed with great pleasure.

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

Basically, a good story here. I enjoy your writing style although there were points I would change, but I'm sure these will be caught in future edits. I assume that this is a rough draft. Best of luck as you proceed with this work. I would appreciate your support and comments towards December Gold.

This is wonderful, just my kind of thing. You take me to a place that I can feel and see because of your beautiful descriptive writing. I wish you the best of luck with it. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

Wonderfully written and very descriptive.
Dawn,
My Friends and Me

Kostas, there is no way I would by pass your amazing pitch. You are Greek, so am I, your amazing story sounds so promising. I have backed your book because of its strength. Currently I have about five reading commitments, but I plan on returning to comment once I have read yours, and ASAP.
Backed with pleasure
Helen

Kostas Hrisos:

Like me your story carries a sense of urgency. Your writing is fluid and well crafted. At the end of Chapter 1, we see the MC following her dad to the Godmother's house determined to find out why he is so nervous. We, as readers, join her on this journey curious what she will learn. At the end of chapter 2, we are left with a wonderful cliff hanger. We want to know what is her father's plan? She is frightened believing that she will be married off -- outside of her tradition- to someone she does not know and again we as readers are along for the ride. At the end of chapter 3, we learn that the MC's mom had made a promise to a friend to have her daughter marry her son. Curious as to how this conflict will unfold we keep TURNING those pages. You've done a masterful job here. Excellent read. Happily Backed. There are, however, a few things I noted during my read.

The sentence: "Wiping my hands on my apron, I hind behind the door, determined to find out what's going on."
(Did you mean, 'Wiping my hands on my apron, I hid behind the door, determined to find out what was going on?)

The sentence: "I lean on high wall surrounding Auntie Paraskevy's house to catch my breath and notice the cast-iron gate standing ajar."
(Did you mean, 'I lean on THE high wall surrounding Auntie Paraskevy's house to catch my breath and notice the cast-iron gate standing ajar.'

Use the above comments as you deem appropriate. I'm on board with this.

Ida L. (Silent Storm)

love that you are covering this often forgotten period in history and doing so with such beautiful terms of expression. You do a good job of informing those who are perhaps not so knowledgeable of the era and the politics of the time. It's a book peppered with little nuggets of golden prose. I wish you well with it. Great writing.
Backed
david
Bailey of the Saints

Great premise here, and the voice of your writing strikes me as completely authentic. The word "I" tends to dominate, which often happens in first-person POV, and if you can find a way to write around that the narrative will feel less repetitive. However, this is a compelling tale you tell and the writing complements it perfectly. Happy to back it for you.
Craig
The Job

Hariklia's Icons. The writing here has a lovely rhythm to it. The pitch intrigued me and the opening chapters give me confidence that this will build into a compelling saga, epic in its scope. It's a piece of history I'm less than familiar with but what I've read has ignited my curiousity.
John O'Brien - Other Face

A period of history I know nothing about but this reminds me of the early Dr Whos where they land in the Crusades, Marco Polo and the French Revolution and educate the reader. You do this very well with your imagery and description of the setting. The first person view serves as a guide to the whole setting and other characters and works well. very good indeed.

Kostas,

Many years ago (well, it seems like it), I promised to read Hariklia's Icons, but various projects have kept me away from the site for much longer than I expected. I apologise for that.

I'm now back on a more regular basis, trying to catch up on promised reads, and notice that the delay has meant I'm reading an updated version.. So here goes with that!

I'm usually a fussy critic, so be warned, and I make a note of the comments I wish to make as I read.

Chapter 1 is a nicely written beginning full of atmosphere, though there is some odd phrasing here and there - I suspect that English might not be your first language?

You refer to Dimitris as the narrator's tattas. This is not an endearment I'm familiar with - I assume it is one, perhaps meaning father? There's a 'manna' (mother?) later on, yet you use 'sister'. Would it not be better to stick to the English version of whatever you mean?

I smile with my sister's Eumorphia's effort to master . . .

Only the second apostrophe s is needed, and I'd suggest using 'at' instead of 'with', as in,

I smile at my sister Eumorphia's effort to master . . .

. . . judging from her cry-outs, the poor soul.

try

. . . judging from her cries, poor soul.

. . . something going on, of great significance.

perhaps,

. . . something of great significance going on.

I think you can cut the word 'too' from,

. . . it's because I am superstitious too, . . .

A couple of typos. Spelling (starring/staring) and it's not a question, so no question mark.

. . . dark green olives starring at me?
. . . dark green olives staring at me.

Chapter 2.

. . . grown up from the land.
. . . grown out of the land.

. . . disappearing at steep drops,
. . . disappearing in steep drops,

In the paragraph starting,

The impressive house appears in the distance . . .

the fact that the house concerned is surrounded by vast grounds means that you don't need to say it's in the distance.

The impressive house is surrounded by vast grounds divided . . .

will suffice, and you can cut all three uses of the word 'had'.

There are a number of occasions when you use a plethora of words ending in 'ing'. For example,

I walk behind the tall bushes of laurels alternating with eucalyptus trees flagging the long path - in places arching right over the walkway - and greet the gardener with a smile, putting my finger to my lips.

Where you have alternating, flagging, arching, and then putting. I think it's sometimes easy to use too many . In this example you could write,

I walk behind the tall bushes of laurels that alternate with eucalyptus trees and line the long path - sometimes arching right over the walkway - and greet the gardener with a smile, putting my finger to my lips.

. . . the Turks are starting up.
. . . the Turks are causing.

That's all I have had time to read. If I can, I'll get back to read more.

You are writing of a time and place with which I am unfamiliar. That makes it interesting - and, of course, writing of religious conflict is very topical even though you are describing events one hundred or so years ago. We don't learn much, do we?

One further suggestion. When you next review your narrative, pay particular attention to the descriptive elements. Some of this is necessary but, when you consider that all that has actually happened in the first two chapters is that the girl has learned that her father (presumably) and Aunt are plotting her future behind her back - and that's it - there's an awful lot of text to say that.

As I have already mentioned, much of the narrative adds atmosphere, but you need to get the balance just right. Not easy.

Nevertheless, a promising beginning.

Backed.

Neil.

HARIKLIA'S ICONS

Kosta - Your book has the historical sweep and poetic power of the great epics of Mythology. Like the figures portrayed in the Greek myths you have wrought yours in the crucible of Fate and Destiny but with truth to history described with a contemporary feel. You give the lie to the disparaging axiom: "It's all greek to me!" with vivid painterly style depicting credible people caught up in perfectly believable human situations. With a book such as yours in hand, there is no need to travel to Greece and Turkey, for you, by the means of your trancendent prose transport the reader to realms beyond imagination and speculation to countries made manifest upon your pages. It is the sum of masterly amassed research transmuted to literature of the highest quality. Backed.

Tony Brady - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3.

A grand story that is even better because it's based on real events. Good luck translating into Greek! BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

You've picked a rich moment in Greek history and I am confident as a reader that you will tell the story well. Theres a rhythm to your words that really makes this hard to put down - love the way you use that nursery rhyme in the opening chapter. Normally a lengthy book is a real threat to me, makes me run a mile, but this one maybe I could commit to. Backed, Luk

What intrigued me the most about Hariklia's Icons is the subject matter, the truth of history interwoven with the fictional narrative.. I wasn't initially familiar with your setting and was very pleasantly surprised to feel involved in the Hariklia's story very quickly.. I can see there being a big interest in this novel, which is easy to read and so descriptive.. I'm not an editor type, so can't really comment on past vs. present tenses, etc. I just know how a book makes me feel, and I definitely felt involved in the story...Backed and best wishes
Diane
Good Blood

Kostas, I've only managed three chapters through lack of time, but I shall definitely be back for more. I believe your book to be very special. It's a period of history I know nothing about and it's a wonderful way to be educated. Your characters leap from the page and your descriptions are, at times, poetical. I love your writing style, which has pace and flows beautifully.
I am a particular fan of first person present narrative, and because it's something I like to work at myself, noticed a couple of things you might like to edit. Hariklia, referring to her sister 'her promegranate-red lips started quivering.' Shouldn't that be 'start'? And later, Hariklia referring to her Tatta's godmother 'I would never look as good as her.' Shouldn't that be 'will'? If this is deliberate, excuse me for mentioning it. It's just something that stood out when I was reading.
A compelling , unique story, beasutifully told and researched.
Backed with pleasure and a hope that it will go far.
Anna (Black Damask)

Thank you for your comments, and backing

First, I wrote the book in first person past tense, and in this major edition I am changing it to present tense, a process prone to introducing errors (but this is the first draft of this version and hopefully I will iron out all errors at the end). I too believe it’s better like this, but only an offer by a publisher will prove it. By the way, I am translating the book in Greek as well at the same time.

Kostas

Kostas, I've only managed three chapters through lack of time, but I shall definitely be back for more. I believe your book to be very special. It's a period of history I know nothing about and it's a wonderful way to be educated. Your characters leap from the page and your descriptions are, at times, poetical. I love your writing style, which has pace and flows beautifully.
I am a particular fan of first person present narrative, and because it's something I like to work at myself, noticed a couple of things you might like to edit. Hariklia, referring to her sister 'her promegranate-red lips started quivering.' Shouldn't that be 'start'? And later, Hariklia referring to her Tatta's godmother 'I would never look as good as her.' Shouldn't that be 'will'? If this is deliberate, excuse me for mentioning it. It's just something that stood out when I was reading.
A compelling , unique story, beasutifully told and researched.
Backed with pleasure and a hope that it will go far.
Anna (Black Damask)

Hariklia's Icons, A true story! (MAJOR RE-EDITED VERSION 14/05/2010)
Kostas Hrisos

"Sometimes things begin before they begin." Reading this gave me goose bumps. Then you introduce your reason for asserting this. Fate. And you start an argument in my mind. If fate is the directing, victorious force, then choice does not exist. Mind boggling theme here and I would love to see how you explore it - so I will have to read this in a series of sittings as I've only had time to read your pitches and first chapter so far.
Your storyline and characters, including the historical background are all very interesting and engaging. I liked the writing style as well, especially the short poetic interjections from time to time.
"Damnation! I nearly chopped the end of my finger off, as I watch Tattas getting on his feet yet again.... I walk a little faster in the direction he was going when I last saw him; I turn the corner, but he is nowhere to be seen!" Nice way to end your first chapter. There was a mystical feel to this - "I am superstitious too, and believe in premonitions..." and along with the details I had from your pitch, there is a whole lot to look forward to which I know I will enjoy. Will be back for another fix as soon as I make the time. Happy to have given this a spin on my shelf. Beautiful writing, highly inventive plot and interesting, credible characters. I hope you find a publisher.
Zan

Fascinating story, very good writing here. Backed with pleasure.

Amy
Love Match

19 May 2010

To extol the merits and outstanding literary qualities of Hariklia's Icons would be to gild the lily. This is a powerful, sensitive, but at times stark, revelation of an infamy and those caught up in the turmoil it engendered. Masterly exposition providing an exhilarating and educational experience for its readers. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run.

Hariklia's Icons, A true story

This is a major epic that needs to be read in hard copy.

A Zoomer

This is a fascinating pitch and very enticing to the reader. I think this is well written but could certainly do with an edit. Your write 'studs up' where you meet 'stands' (unless the studs is some weird dialect). Anyway, with this minor edit you would have a very piece of historical writing indeed. Very well researched with great descriptions, it is just a lovely read.
Carl
The Time hunters

HARIKLIA’S ICONS
T I like the way you sprinkle Turkish words into your dialogue;.

Thank you for the comments, They are GREEK words! :)

HARIKLIA’S ICONS
This is an interesting story. I admit to knowing nothing about Turkish history so was a learning moment as well as a good read for me. It’s hard to make the characters in a historical novel come alive but you do that well. I like the way you sprinkle Turkish words into your dialogue; just enough to make conversations sound authentic; not so much a reader is puzzled by what a character is saying. Makes this a competitive read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

I liked this the second I started reading this. The beginnging is very powerful and sets the scene so well, it's almost like a prophecy. Then we read about the pebble, I loved the it's making its way up, brilliant. I love the way you describe the guy on the balcony and even the vines on the terrace. As dry as witch's broom, brilliant. Excellent writing that has no flaws, backed with pleasure.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

Hariklia's Icons:

Existential theme in a universal sense. Beautifully written, addictive. This should be published by now.

Mushkil

This period of history has fascinated me for some time, since Iwent to Turkey. You have grought it alive,well done. Backed.

Kosta
You have woven a great story and a masterpiece. This was a pleasure to read and you have done the work as aprofessional I see,

Very masterful.
Love the charactes tattas. Suggestion- to rework the song. My opinion ONLY is that it neddlessly chops this very fine polished story
backed

backed with pleasure

Chapter 5 -'beliefs' not 'believes'.

This is extremely well written. I love the way you set the entire scene and create such atmosphere in your first chapter. The POV narrative flows well and I like the insight into her thoughts. I suppose my only suggestion would be to maybe change 'pomegranite-red lips' as this is set in 1910, they probably wouldn't have ever seen a pmegranate?

Aimee

Thank you for your comments much appreciated.
I am very positive that pomegranates did Grow and were Used by many in Pontos and in Greece.

Kostas

This is extremely well written. I love the way you set the entire scene and create such atmosphere in your first chapter. The POV narrative flows well and I like the insight into her thoughts. I suppose my only suggestion would be to maybe change 'pomegranite-red lips' as this is set in 1910, they probably wouldn't have ever seen a pmegranate?

However, this has to be one of the most well written MS I've read here on Authonomy and reads as well as any published book.

BACKED
Aimee

Attention to detail can make or break a novel, and you have struck the perfect balance. You furnish the reader with enough information without bogging them down, and it's this underlying equilibrium that draws usinto a rich, diverse and perfectly executed plot.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

Dear Kostas, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed my book. :) Since I have already backed & commented on your book, I came to your "comment" page to help it advance even more. I will also put you on my watchlist to help it move up. To help my other book to advance, would you please back & comment on my unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories" Thanks, Susie :)

Dear Kostas, Non-fiction & biography is where it's at! :) I love that. May God give you the wisdom to finish your story. It is a good read because you create interest by having short paragraphs & dialogue which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm BACKING/COMMENTING on your book to help advance it. :) PLEASE take a moment to BACK/COMMENT on my TWO Books, ... "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" ... and the UNEDITED version? ... "Tell Me True Love Stories"
Thanks, Susie :)

This has my whole hearted support. Beautifully written with a closely observed attention to the detail that makes certain moments in life memorable and pivotal. And the small detail is brilliantly juxtaposed with the bigger picture of upheaval and estrangement. This sets itself up as a truly enthralling story, on a big ambitious canvas and every stroke has an authentic ring of poignant truth about it. The writing seemed tight and finely tuned too, as if it’s been through a watertight edit.

Thank you for your comments, I appreciate them.

"Later, when the child reaches the aunt’s house you tell us she’s never been there before, and knows the area because of her aunt’s description. Yet the gardener doesn’t ask her who she is, even when she shushes him with a finger to the lips and begins to eavesdrop on the conversation, which makes no sense. Then, in spite of being a stranger to the place, she recognizes that the aunt has brought out her best hookah. How? She might speculate, but unless she’s a regular visitor, and has access to her bedroom and every cabinet in the house, how can she know?"

You missed the line where she said, "I knew those grounds as well as the palm of my hand.”

When you hear somone cry, can't you feel their pain?

Hi Kostas -- You have written a classic. I can't add to the comments. BACKED!

Best wishes, Barry
(Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys)

Kostas, your first chapter is a smooth read. Good job.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Kostas

There's an awful lot about such traditions we rootless Americans cannot fathom, but we do recognize great writing when we read it, and this has that quality to it. From the way you describe the girl chopping tobacco to the conversation with the imperious godmother there is much to admire in your prose. I cannot imagine such customs, however as pledging a children in marriage from the womb, even if they do grow up to fall in love. And I cannot imagine a child agreeing to such a pledge. What if the boy should become a total scapegrace? But, no matter, that is not your story. If I only had time to read more, I would.

Beautifully written. Backed with pleasure, Sana

Hullo Kostas. I have no friends of your culture so this book has been an interesting insight. I have already shelved you and will now back. I did find one editing error, in Ch.5 - pact, rather than pack is what you mean I think. Otherwise, great book. Please consider my book
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

This has my whole hearted support. Beautifully written with a closely observed attention to the detail that makes certain moments in life memorable and pivotal. And the small detail is brilliantly juxtaposed with the bigger picture of upheaval and estrangement. This sets itself up as a truly enthralling story, on a big ambitious canvas and every stroke has an authentic ring of poignant truth about it. The writing seemed tight and finely tuned too, as if it’s been through a watertight edit.

An unusual, deeply satisfying story... I found myself hoping that everything would work out all right for all the families who were introduced in the opening.... happily backed

This is set in a time and a place I know very little about., but through the voice of this amazing woman/child, you have introduced me to a culture that is both alien and familiar.
I think most of the things i would have said have already appeared in the top comments below.
I just want to thank you for a really magical read.