Half a Dozen of the Other

Gavin-
Really fantastic vignettes of urban life....funny and poignant and scary... all presumably going to come together in a big explosion? This reminds me a bit of the film Crash- which is outstanding. Some wonderful moments: Brian waking up with a bit of prose plastered to his face. Pete waking up to the view of a canine penis about to piss on his face. What an image! The dialogue between Jenna and Chris in chapter 12 is cracking. I do hope you upload some more...I'm dying to know how this all comes together.
Great stuff. Shelved.
BexMcK (The Devil's Box)

Brian Brain. Love it! This has one of the best and most original opening chapters I've read on this site. Definitely shelved and deserves to be way higher in the ratings. I actually know a Pissed Pete!
Sheila

I simply adore books like this. Talking the lives of six strangers and then weaving them together, their lives forever to change. You have a gift for funny. You really do. This is very funny. And to be blunt a lot of pepople cannot write funny. What I love about this is that you have real elements of life. Not a lot of sugar coating. It is hard to know what to expect when you dive into a novel and to be honest I always do it a little reserved, but once in awhile you stumble upon a book that is made for you. This one is made for me. What you have here is a cracking little novel that has real life dark humor, intelligent prose and dialogue, keen characters that the reader can not only empathize with but root for.
Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Hi Gavin
I picked this up because I was searching for Birmingham-set books and I was initially uncertain whether six stories would be a little too ambitious in one book. But all of your characters are distinct and all are interesting. I've only read up to chapter 7 so far and my only remaining concern is whether I'd be able to remember the detail of each character's situation and problems. Probably says more about me as a reader than you as a writer though. Keeping the chapters short definitely helps. Good stuff and nice humorous touches.
K

Quite intrigued by the premise. Found your work well written, with good characterization, fluid plot and a clear style, for me anyway. Not of the mind to look for typos, so didn’t. On the whole I really enjoyed this and thought it deserved backing.


BACKED

You are a natural talent at writing. When I come across writing that I dont even need to think about, I know it is good. Just so easy to be absorbed by. I think the way you quip and joke too is very good, giving the narrative a unique voice and lightening the tone of the piece. Very enjoyable.

Andrew

A real talent for word use word twisting and word play. I thoroughly enjoyed the beginning of the life of Brain. didnt understand the change in type though , was it an upload error.
A book with this sense of humour should go far... a most enjoyable read good luck Marion

Hey,
Very funny indeed. A sharp and witty read that will bring a smile our draw a laugh from whoever reads it.
I wish all books were this fun. On my shelf :-)

Regards,

Mark H

Hey Gavin
This is real fun, laugh out loud, story! You are a very clever and talented writer and I look forward to reading more of your work! Best wishes!
Simon

Oh this is pure delight. It was recommended to me for light-hearted reading cos I needed a laugh and it sure gave me some.
Cheers!
I'll remember to pass the advice to anyone who has trouble concieving, I might even hire out my greenhouse!
Shelved with pleasure
Sue
A Boy Called George

Gavin,

This is a brilliantly funny novel. It is a crime that this is not already on the shelves. I laughed at every bit. It is really well written, intelligent, original and hilarious.

All I can say is, Harper Collins you need to publish this before someone else does. I would certainly buy it.

Max

Truly fantastic stuff. I'm just cramming in this comment before I launch off on another reading session. This is solid humour. You know how to craft a good joke and it feels like a reward from all the good but not quite brilliant books I've been reading. This one is indeed brilliant. This one will be staying with me for a while.

Maureen and the Munchkins, oh my God! Shelved.

Can't. Stop. LAUGHING!

Such wry humor; funny, contemporary AND thought-provoking. Love it love it love it!

The only thing holding this back from shining is the format(font, lack of indents and a few blocky paragraphs) but heck, if that is all I can fault you on then you definitely deserve a backing! Fantastic read, love a good Thriller/Comedy me - especially when It's done right!

Melanie.

Found my way here via Nicole S's forum post and I'm very glad I dropped by. A clever and witty read from the start. Love your entertaining descriptions of the character in chapter 1 and the beginning of chapter 2... well, it just keeps getting better. You might get criticised that the main conflict in the plot isn't clear from very early on, but your writing's good enough for this not to be a problem in my opinion. And who wants to follow convention all the time, anyway? Other than that, I've got no editorial nit-picks. Very enjoyable - backed.

Lisel
Isis In Crisis

Hi Gavin,

I love your opening line. Right away I was pulled in. This is a fascinating book that has so much potential. Your writing style is easy to read. Nice ending to chap one. It keeps your interested.

I’m intrigued to find out how they all come together. This is hilarious and a fascinating read. Read four chapters and loved it.

Very well written.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

I had great fun reading all these chapters, there just all great. I will not mention the dog, all great ideas, and well written. very pleased to put this on my shelf.

Comments on Chapter 1...

Who gave you the right to write about me???? Seriously, this is all tell, but it's tell that works. Particularly liked the Greek god, Greek tragedy line.

Chapter 2...

Oh, dear. Munchkin. You should have it kicking up the grass like they do when they think they've had a victory. This is starting to feel Tom-Sharpe-like - reality skewed and the humour situational rather than forced. Good stuff!

Chapter 3...

Change of pace. Some sharp, intense writing here.

Chapter 4...

Well done. Another character succesfully introduced.

Chapter 5...

And again...

Overall. Time precludes me from lingering here, but I am curious as to how all these separate characters come together. Three minor suggestions for you to use or discard as you see fit.

1. Perhaps watch out for passive "is", "are" sentences that might be reworded to more direct (though not at the price of rhythm/cadence/whatever).

2. The font changes deliberate? Perhaps you could use italics to differentiate if so.

3. Perhaps you could stick with the characters longer in the early stages. If the reader had each character firmly fixed in his mind, then later on you could chop and change as rapidly as you do. There's a slight risk at present of the reader confusing the characters, because of the relatively short opening stint with each.

Other than that, I'm happy enough to give this a run on my shelf.

Best wishes with it.

Regards,

TomW

Gavin, superb. Shelved.
Lynn

Hi Gavin!

I'm here for my return read - I made a couple of notes as I went. I hope they're helpful.

Pitch

~ While I love your pitch, and I think it represents your story well (obviously can't really say because I haven't read the whole thing), one sentence struck me as oddly worded. "Guilt is dwelling within homeless Peter." Maybe I've been reading too much Sci-Fi lately, but the image that came to mind is certainly not the one you intended to give! *grin*

Chapter One

~ Nothing really struck me as out of place - the pacing is wonderful, and I was chuckling along with your descriptions. I see where others have recommended cutting some stuff. I think you probably could, but I'd hate to be the one to decide what should go and what should stay - it's all so wonderfully funny.

~ My one niggle would be the font change - I'm not really sure you need it. I know you're showing a time change, but it was a bit jarring for me.

Chapter Two

~ Ewwwwwwww! :)

Chapter Three

~ Same font change complaint - I know, how nitpicky can I get? But other than that, the story is flowing quite well

Chapter Four

~ I must say, you're doing a wonderful job introducing a large cast of characters!

Chapter Five

~ Same font niggle - I think you're writing is strong enough that you telegraph the time change within your writing. I don't see the need to highlight it with text changes.

Excellent job - welcome to my shelf!

~Traci

i really liked your pitch and the premise behidn your book. had trouble though with the language.

eg each of his predecessors didn't need to conceive; overcome hurdles - is this the right verb? doesn't feel right to me. there are more very picky reservations of this sort.

still an' all, there is humour here and originality and i am happy to give this a spin on the old shelf although it's not my usual reading choice.

xx
maitreyi
BLOGSPOT

Dear Gavin,
I read all the comments below and agreed with their reports. My particular reaction has only one negative (beside the fact that I only read Chapter 1). The difference between Robert and his brother is well-drawn but, I believe, goes on a bit too long. We can feel sorry for Robert, sympathize with his lack of determination to express his skills but we don't "feel" it. I'm sure this sounds like -write a masterpiece - but I thik you have already done that. It's going on my shelf for its potential. I'll look forward to getting back to it and seeing how it's evolved. My book is Prides Crossing, a mystery and family saga going back four generations. Please take a look at it and tell me what you think. Edie

Dear Gavin,
Great fun, this story.
The middle of the week just got darker. Love that line!
Marvelous, that Robert was conceived in glass. Great visuals in the greenhouse.
Other highlights: Lower lip trembled over glistening gums; Face fastened to the sofa
However, be careful about being too clever. Remember there's a plot here. The stuff about the fat and comparing Robert to brother is fun, but does go on a bit, a writer in love with his wit (I suffer the same malady and recognize the symptoms!).
But the Munchkin scenario, Peter ultimately getting beaten up by his own leg, is just fabulous.
Wishing you all the best with this wild work. Happily shelved.

Good work with the book Gavin, keep up the good work!!!

F*ck! Dog w*nking! LOL brilliant, my kinda book! Barked :)
Michael

Hello Gavin,

Gavin is the name of the major character in my book. What a coincidence! That said, you have an amazing story here and did a good job creating extraordinary characters that are not easy to forget. The characters you crafted are fascinating, all testaments to your skills at characterization.

You also have a killing plot and a believable setting. The descriptions are vivid and dialogue and narrative are used effectively in telling the story.

Overall, this is a well written story that calls on me to return to again for further reading.

Al the best.

Janvier (FLASH OF THE SUN)

I have to say that this is slightly shocking- and I happen to like shocking. You obviously aren't afraid to go where others won't. The writing itself is good and definitely interesting- particularly the intersecting lives which is a technique I myself use.
Shelved.

Brian Brain? What a name! What I like about your chapters are their darkly comic tone. Not an easy thing to pull off and you do. You really do. And quite well. I am curious to see if you can hold the tone for the full book, but my guess is that you can.

Consider this shelved, based on your writing ability, characters and premise.

Gavin-
Really fantastic vignettes of urban life....funny and poignant and scary... all presumably going to come together in a big explosion? This reminds me a bit of the film Crash- which is outstanding. Some wonderful moments: Brian waking up with a bit of prose plastered to his face. Pete waking up to the view of a canine penis about to piss on his face. What an image! The dialogue between Jenna and Chris in chapter 12 is cracking. I do hope you upload some more...I'm dying to know how this all comes together.
Great stuff. Shelved.
BexMcK (The Devil's Box)

Gavin,

I'm sorry, I've had your book on my WL for 27 days! And I left a comment. I've finally got round to putting it on my shelf.

Joanna

Half a Dozen...

This is utterly hilarious. You've created a compelling story despite a highly risky structure, but it works...for me, at least, and I sure hope it works for a publisher.

Very smooth writing, seamless with nary a jerk (except maybe a character or two) and a surprising degree of narrative drive. I could never have accomplished this.

Shelved without a qualm.

Cheers,
Sheryl (In All The Wrong Places)

Gavin,
This is one of the most unique books on authonomy. Great premise, and you deliver it well. Loads of fun (Pete and Munchin provide one of the best scenes I've yet read on this site!). Your writing is clear and descriptive and the pace is fast. Exactly what I like in a book.
I'm backing.
Best,
Mark

This is a fun and original work you have here. Once the dialogue got started I really started to enjoy this. My only (very small) nit pick would be to add more dialogue sooner. But to be very unhelpful (sorry) it's good the way it is too. Happy to shelve this.

Heidi
Turning Red

Provocative, humorous, blue eyes, cheeky smile and a good body. What the! Oh wrong site. Excellent first couple of chapters gavla.. Show me more!

Very Interesting Jack, Robert, or is it Gavin? I'm looking forward to reading more of your novel. Will Jonny K go through with his plans or will it all backfire? Great attention to detail, your book looks to be all that I expected and some. Good luck Gavin. Winni

Hello Gavin,

I really enjoyed your book. I didn't know what to expect from chapter 2 having read all the comments below. Let's just say I was shocked to say the least! I found the other chapters a pleasure to read. You have a very interesting and enjoyable style to your writing. I eagerly await the other chapters whether it be here or on a bookshelf in Waterstones.
Good Luck!
Smithy

Thanks for the fun read. Must back this book!... Great style, insight, imagination and a laugh a minute!
I can`t imagine you can bring all these stories together...Could be a big confusion as the reader would hardlty remember which is which?
Sure to be hilarious...When do we read more?...cheers and good luck............Mikey

Thanks for the fun read. Must back this book!... Great style, insight, imagination and a laugh a minute!
I can`t imagine you can bring all these stories together...Could be a big confusion as the reader would hardlty remember which is which?
Sure to be hilarious...When do we read more?...cheers and good luck............Mikey

Brian
I like your style. Out of the first 3 chapters, I thought 2 was best and wondered whether it should be the first.
I'm not convinced about the first para of chapter 1 and barbarians in the Dark Ages - I guess you are using the term loosely, but anythikng that makes teh reader stop and question, should be avoided unless you want them to.
Shelved, becuase it's well written, just a bit of massaging required to make it more commercial at the start I feel.
Chris ( I Dare You)

Brian Brain. Love it! This has one of the best and most original opening chapters I've read on this site. Definitely shelved and deserves to be way higher in the ratings. I actually know a Pissed Pete!
Sheila

Hey, good morning!

I saw your novel on a friend's shelf and thought I'd give it a try! So glad I did!

I do love the way you are introducing us to your characters-- and may I thank you for beginning my day with a smile? That Munchkin is a hoot! I know a couple of ladies (and their pooches) that could easily have been your inspiratoin!

I don need to read further to know this is worthy of backing-- but I'm gonna read further!

Best wishes to you with your writing and I'll be happy to buy this when it's published!!

Karen

Gavin,

You had me at the grunting cave girl stage...and it just got better and better (an upended cream leather sofa...that’ll take me days to get rid off you swine...)

Excellent, Gavin. Been reading this for a few days now. Thank you for Pissed Pete :-) Shelved. Backed. Twice, in fact.

--Jack Ramsay (Brogan's Crossing)

Hi Gav,

Congratulations, a long time coming, but worth the wait. Weird to see a mate write a book based in my current home town....feels a deeper read.....

top draw effort, roll another fat one & bring the rest home.........

celebrate your great work soon

Stoz

Good pitch. Strong writing. Should appeal to a wide readership. Some wonderful turn of phrases and what I'd describe as 'glum' humour - I have to ask, are you a Brummie?

Impossible to put this down, the characters are convincing and there is every reason to keep reading. On my shelf. Patrick Barrett (Shakespeares Cuthbert)

Hi Gavin, These portraits and their inner extremes are fascinating. I kept thinking of the strange reports in emergency wards. But you have well-chosen and witty phrases: “suds of saliva”, “cloaked in fat”, Piped Paper, “toxic truth.” I was thinking absurd during Robert's attempted conceptions, shocking through blubbery Maureen and ethereal Johnny. Unusual material! After the more normal Jack, I would like to read on to see how these lives could possibly be connected. Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Gavin,

Really like the first 12 chapters of your book. I'm curious to find out what happens to each of the characters. I'm genuinely worried for Robert, and I'm fearing the worst for the tramp (although I think that poor dog has drawn the really short straw in life!!). I enjoy the witty banter between the band, and the overall humour of the book. Chapter two reminds me a little of Irvine Welsh, where you find yourself giggling at something you should be gagging at.
You're on my bookshelf. Great Stuff
Davey

I think the last line of the first paragraph could be reworded with more effect. I am not going to write it for you I just think you should paly with it a bit. I always ask someone who hasnt read it to read aloud. Awkward spots seem to come out.
Chapter two is disgusting, but amusing as hell. As is this book.

Hello Gavin,

Compelling premise. Very good prose if a little overwritten - toothless gums - all babies are toothless and this makes the prose floppy. The line will be sharper if you cut it.

This deserves a spell on my shelf and when I get room that's where it will go. On my Watch List till then.

Joanna

Hi there,
I love that line in your pitch 'Wednesdays aren't meant to be like this...' Grest hook because before I've even started, I want to know about this particular Wednesay. I think you have a great premise here, the mix of comedy and thriller is very appealing, as is the style of weaving the character's lives together to make the whole. I haven't read as far as I'd like because I am so busy today with editing etc for the editor's desk, but I will return and comment more helpfully. In the meanwhile, from what I have seen, this is on my SHELF!
Bests,
AnabelleP
(Adelaide Short)