Death & Night & Blood

Wow, what a vivid piece of work. I've only read Betrothal, but it was enough for me to add it to my watch list. I'll come back later to finish and add to my shelf.

Hi Pitbull, just read ‘Betrothal’. Wow, strong stuff. You worked this really well, moving Pete from a normal guy, to a golddigger, to a cheater, to a rapist (and much worse). By the time he woke up in the bed, I was so glad he was in his own version of hell. But uck! That sex scene will stick with me for a while.
Lisa

"Scars"

Firstly, good title. Don't know why, just liked it. I thought this was a nice, effective little chiller. Rereading it knowing the ending, I also particularly liked where you had placed the "... and more than one flight of stairs" line. I notice some people have said it could be longer; not sure I'd agree, I suspect all you'd be doing would be giving the reader more chance to work out the twist, and in a way this story is all about the twist...

(p.s. thanks for your comments re. "Public Interest Story"; you mentioned you had a list of typos, that would be useful if you could pass it on, cheers)

I just finished the collection and am very impressed; you definitely deserve your place on my bookshelf. I do feel that Scars could do with being a little longer, but I enjoyed it. I almost couldn't read Sweet meat, being an animal lover, which is probably the kind of reaction you'd hope to evoke, and Tailor Made was genuinely distrubing.

Thank you for your comments on my own short stories and I hope you can read more of them.

ARISE, AUTHONOMY GHOST!

Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb.

You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer.

Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection.

One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act:

Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

Not the normal fantasy I read but well written and a very strange plot. I liked the link to the ring early on on the story and it didn't disappoint.

David

Hi Darren, any chance you could put me back up on your bookshelf briefly to give me a boost...? Cheers!

A wise choice to take some time away; you can probably tell by my front page that I needed to do the same. It's a great site, but you can quickly become disheartened by the weight of so many people criticising your work, especially when they're not necessarily out there writing anything better... I'd like to see more people work their way through the books and "review" them - if I want a full nit-picking edit, I'll go professional, thanks! I'm glad to hear there's a novel in you, I'm really looking forward to it.

Hi Darren, sorry it's been a while. Just read Tailor Made, and enjoyed it, though it's very short! I was wondering what you're working on just now, any plans for more short stories or (even better) a novel? I'd be intrigued to see what you do with your writing style over a longer period. This isn't so much typical horro as paranoid psycho-sexual erotica, and with the right plot, that could make for a very interesting novel! Anyway, I've really enjoyed reading your work so far.

Ye, the rankings are a mystery to me at the moment but hopefully we horror writers can all get together like we used to. Garry and Sean are busy on redrafting their books at the moment, so I look forward to seeing what they put up. What I have up does need editing but I'm working on other sections at the moment. Good luck and keep in touch.

Just backed your book for a bit Darren. Amazingly you still have a down arrow, even after going from 389 to 192. I think you're only 12 away from a green arrow though. Good luck and keep in touch.

Hi Darren, sorry about the names mix up. Happens, I guess! Thank you for the comments on Coombe’s Wood. I’d love it if you sent the typos – lisa at Hinsley dot org – is my email. We really should get some sort of pm at this site. If you have a moment, take at look back at the comments, Jason Pettus left one that has put a perma-smile on my face.

Ginger, I think you've got Darren mixed up with me! My comments were in response to some of his on mine, being cheeky and asking him to check out MY stories...

Darren - thought I'd bookshelfed you ages ago, but obviously not, your rank should have got a little lift just now.

James, Tailor Made has to be my favourite in your collection. The whole story, from beginning to end, was very well orchestrated. I went looking for ‘He’ and Xenophobia’ but they don’t seem to be there? If you find them, let me know, and I’ll come back and pass judgment. :)
Lisa

Thanks for your comments recentally. You need to post some more stories here so I can return the favour...

If I can be slightly cheeky, if you do come back to read any more of my stories, I'd welcome views on the last two ("He" and "Xenophobia") as no one has read them yet and they are getting jealous of their brothers and sisters nearer the front of the collection.... (if not, no worries). Cheers!

Certainly not afraid of the dark erotica, are you? Penance has much in common with the first story – a bad, bad man and his comeuppance. But I liked the full circle feel to the story, and will certainly be checking some more of your work out.
Lisa

Wow, what a vivid piece of work. I've only read Betrothal, but it was enough for me to add it to my watch list. I'll come back later to finish and add to my shelf.

Hi Pitbull, just read ‘Betrothal’. Wow, strong stuff. You worked this really well, moving Pete from a normal guy, to a golddigger, to a cheater, to a rapist (and much worse). By the time he woke up in the bed, I was so glad he was in his own version of hell. But uck! That sex scene will stick with me for a while.
Lisa

Right, I've come back for Tailor Made, as I felt my last comments maybe didn't make your day.

It was simialr to Scars I guess - again, don't make it any longer or else I think the suspension of disbelief could be lost. Unlike the some of your other stories, there was no real sense here that the character deserved his fate. Nice interplay of hot/cold weaving (pun intended) through the story.

There's still some lines I'd consider over-written, but I won't go on about that again, it's obviously just your style.I'd still try and above phrases like 'the height of summer' as being a bit cliched though.

Hmmm, have just read Sweet Meat. You're certainly not shy of a gruesome subject. I have to say I thought some of this was a bit "over-ripe" description wise - a few adverbs or adjectives could be culled. Maybe sometimes less is more...

Don't want to sound negative, just I didn't find this as good as Scars say, or Penance. Maybe Sweet Meat needs a bit of a rewrite?

I like Betrothal - it kind of sucks you in, so to speak. Only drawback for me was that the short, staccato sentences started to pull me out of the story after a while. It's good, erotic stuff. I'm a fan of the dark side. I'll take a look at other stories when I get time. Always happy to see a new face on my page, too.

Best of luck

No problem about recommending your book, mate!

You offered to detail some typos/problems with my short story and I'd love to hear them, when you've got time.

Seems like people are, rightfully, picking this collection up now! =D

Just read Betrothal, Darren. As a fan of Clive Barker, I have to say that I'm a sucker for dark erotica, which this most certainly is. Playing fast and loose with the morality of the central character while describing a graphic sex scene is difficult, but I think you pull it off well (if you know what I mean!). I'll comment on the rest when I get a chance, but good work so far.

Just read Betrothal. Horribly fantastic! I'd have liked just a little more at the end, but it's still great as it is.

I'll be reading more.

Lorraine

Hi, I just read penance. A vile and grusome story and all the better for that. I had to read on. I think you need to be careful not to overwrite though. The story works, bar perhaps the ending, which isn't that clear, but you overgild the lilly, at least in my opinion. Some of the similes for example "like a diseased animal... etc" It's unecessary, doesn't really add anything and feels like purple prose, prose for its own sake. Another example: "a grotesquen energy etc...." that whole sentence could be cut and the story would have much more power. A wall clinging like "blood engorged labia", I don't mean to be rude, but that is just comical. Also it would work much better if you cut back on the adjectives "deep enervating dread" , dread is a strong word, does it need the emphasising adjectives? "primal fear" "sickening force" "mesmerising gaze". Hope this helps. As I say, it's a vile and engrossing short story, but it is marred by the over writing. Best of luck

Thanks for taking another look at Dark Dreams. The cut off flow was just a typo I made on my last comment. Should have been a full stop. I'll try and make the separation between narration and flashback more clear--I did wonder whether it worked or not. Anyway, after reading your views on unpolished stories, I was unsure whether you would be interested in following the story's progress. I'll go back later and add layers of description which will enhance it but I think you''ll agree that you can do a lot with a first draft. It's still readable. The preacher guy is human but he's possessed by a ghost who once worked at that very church. That makes him undefinable, to my mind. Like the character attacked Davo and Spud, he's been turned by the other creatures and is effectively open to possession. They are also kind of dead, with a great deal more strength than a normal human. Will hook you when I have more to upload.

"Scars"

Firstly, good title. Don't know why, just liked it. I thought this was a nice, effective little chiller. Rereading it knowing the ending, I also particularly liked where you had placed the "... and more than one flight of stairs" line. I notice some people have said it could be longer; not sure I'd agree, I suspect all you'd be doing would be giving the reader more chance to work out the twist, and in a way this story is all about the twist...

(p.s. thanks for your comments re. "Public Interest Story"; you mentioned you had a list of typos, that would be useful if you could pass it on, cheers)

I just finished the collection and am very impressed; you definitely deserve your place on my bookshelf. I do feel that Scars could do with being a little longer, but I enjoyed it. I almost couldn't read Sweet meat, being an animal lover, which is probably the kind of reaction you'd hope to evoke, and Tailor Made was genuinely distrubing.

Thank you for your comments on my own short stories and I hope you can read more of them.

Scars.

Nice little story. I could imagine as being a bit longer if you wanted. Good end though if you kept it as it is,

Just read Betrothal - similar in a way to Penance, in that an absolute bastard is punished in a macbre way... Probably slightly better paced than Penance, and a stronger opening story, if you are thinking about the order of stories in your collection. In some ways it could maybe do with being a bit more ambiguous about how much of an bastard the main character is - maybe Joanne in the bar could be slightly more willing? As it is the 'moral' (for want of a better word) seems a bit in your face, although admitedly this does give it some of its punch.

I really enjoyed Betrothal and Penance and loved them both. You seemed to gain a small predeliction to starting your sentences verbs about halfway through Betrothal, which I found a little jarring, but other than that I loved reading the two stories and would definitely invest in a collection of your work.

I'll read the other 3 stories at some point soon, hopefully.

Hi - Have read 'Penance' - more strong stuff! I like the brutatlity of your writing. I would agree with James E - I found the word 'Armani' a bit jarring and unnecessary - but otherwise great! Looking forward to reading more

Steve

Have read 'Betrothal' and I think it's got loads of potential. Darkly comic, brutal, even shocking in places, with lots of nice touches. I think around the middle your sentences and paragraphs get a little short - perhaps that was your intention and there's nothing wrong with it, but to my ears it interrupts the flow. Otherwise great stuff!

Steve

Hi Darren,
Have finished all you posted and found interesting. Actually you have well articulated piece very romantic. Love it. I honestly envied the plotting and characterization of the entire work, its superb. Hook me if there's any other move. Good luck.

The spammers are here.....

Hi Pitbull, I've updated chapter 2 if you want to take a peek? Take care......

Hi Darren J,
Have read Bethrothal (chapter1) and found interesting and hilariously romantic. Its grip is some sort of allure, very powerful, compelling and intriguing. It is the first romantic piece I have come across in this Authonomy read. My mind is telling me Pete is a brute. Wish to discover what the next chapter hold for the man (Pete) who ran his prick into the anus of a supposed drunk unknown to her. And the result of his accident. You have a good work here. Will continue. Hope you'll visit my work?

Yes, I gathered the Armani guy was a sociopath, or psychopath. When you redo the story I would picture him as taking off his smart clothes before the attack. This would be symbolic too because he will have shifted from modern man to an ax wielding maniac. If you do keep it the way it is then perhaps you could show his annoyance for getting his clothes dirty and stained. Whatever you decide, let me know when you do a rewrite and I'll take a look. I'll be in touch when chapter 3's had a revamp. All the best till then, while be looking to read another of your stories in the next few days..

Just read Penance. Overall it had a good feel about it but wasn't as well thought out as Betrothal; it felt a bit rushed. The Armani guy wanting the old guy to do some tricks for him seemed unlikely given his disgust for his appearance. The possibly of getting blood on his smart suit, while he attacked the old tramp, also seemed illogical to me; unless the tramp was getting in to his head somehow? Will try and read another soon.

Hi Pitbull, thanks for taking look at Dark Dreams. I've taken out chapter 2, it has some good imagery and usage of words but as a whole it doesn't fit in with the way I'm currently writing the story. People seems split on the first chapter and I do like it, so at the moment I'm keeping it. I'm expanding chapter 3, so I might ask you back to see what you think of the first two chapters work together. Take care and I hope to read another of your shorts soon.

Hi Carl (?) - thanks for the comments with regard to 'Betrothal', very welcome! I'll have another look at it with your points in mind (though not sure when at the mo'!), and give your work a bit of a look as soon as pos'.

Thanks again!

Darren

Just read Betrothal. Good story. Pete really got what was coming to him. Not sure if it ended too suddenly, maybe even a bit predictably. Hard to avoid this in shorts though. Thought some words were a bit of a pain. The words corpulent and susurrant annoyed me slightly. I could guess their meaning but I found them at odds with the character's horror filled mind which was still waking up. Simple, half formed sentences might have been better. His reaction to Joanne and his wanting to take her eye out with a broken glass could have been explored some more. I gather from this that he's a bit of a psychopath. Not sure if psychopaths are complex but this character is pretty much a walking dick in a flash suit and Rolex. Reminded me a bit like American Psycho, funny enough, only your character was more anal about folding his cloths than looking at himself in the mirror. Good look with this. Hope the suggestions are of any use.

Hi James, thanks for the comment! Yes, I deliberated quite a bit over that point, maybe I'll take another look at it. (I'll see if I can find any of your stuff to read through - wasn't sure where to start on the website, there are loads of books to check out already!)

Darren

Hi - I have just read "Penance". A strong idea; certainly surreal. There's a few places where I think it could be slightly more subtle - for example in the second line, the "Armani suit". I think the word 'suit' would imply enough of a contrast between the tramp and Damon; as it is it is almost too obvious that he is an arrogant yuppie.

Anyway, just some thoughts. Will attempt to read the others at some point.