Graemor

Graemor
J&M Jensen

J&M,
One of the things I detest about this site and being here is that one can hardly be fair to a writer(s) who has/have put his/her/their heart and soul into his/her/their work(s) when the modus operandi makes it almost impossible to read complete books or a writer's full upload if one is to survive here. And I detest it too that some believe we are expected to function like agents/editors, read 20 pages, or for fifteen minutes, or not beyond the first line or first paragraph if we feel like throwing a tantrum. I am humbled by your piece and feel like throwing a tantrum because I cannot read it all and don't have the time to read it all - and since being here on this site, even reading for pleasure has evolved into a fiction of its own.

Tantrum out of the way, I LOVED YOUR BOOK AND MAKE A BINDING OFFER to purchase a copy when in print. Thank you for introducing me to the world of gothic mystery, restless spirits, sinister alliances, shamanism, magic, witchcraft and obsession - and oh, also your special way of injecting spiritual strength and human frailty into this compounded mystically dream-like Athelin world.

I am drawn to themes such as yours, and partly because of this, and hugely because of how you write, your story, your characters, your world became very real as I read. I particularly liked this piece of narrative to start with, "My life is full of mysteries, questions that cannot be answered, feelings that cannot be explained. At night memories twinkle in the distant black like dying stars, gone before I can grasp them: the bars of a lilting chorus, the sudden glimpse of a different sky, the sour smell of smoke and the scratch of tweed against my skin. I save them all, sifting them for meaning, straining clues from the colours and smells, the sounds and textures. I look for revelation, some ray of light to show me who I am." Simply wonderful.

And I thought the differences between Olivia and Amaris amounted to such a gulf between them that it made both equally interesting to me, and of course you add greater mystery to the mix when you paint Graemor who appears inexplicable to the girls, as well as to the reader and I like how you give more insight into him, and them, through the girls’ "bedtime” story. And we learn that Graemor is difficult, but he can be very kind and generous too - here a hint of some humanity which keeps the reading vessels pumping.

And as I read I was completely drawn into this dream-like world you created. The girls are secluded even trapped in this forest community of Athelin, and naturally I wanted to know why, and whether there is any possibility of flight for them, escape from the difficult, creepy Graemor so you have done a good job of hooking me as I feel through Olivia the gathering of spirits in the air when she realises something is not right about him and that setting. But hooked even more so when there's a hint of grand romance in the air - Olivia possibly allowing herself to fall for Athelin’s unwanted shaman who it is said is a slave to witchcraft and obsession. Who in their right mind will not read on?

I was really impressed with your poetic style and vivid imagery. I could see, hear, feel, sense your setting and atmosphere. I particularly liked this passage:- "The interior was dark but homely, wood and fabrics infused with incense and smoke, the smell of sourdough bread cooling on the bench. A small fire burned in the grate and above it a black kettle spluttered unattended. Sounds of a whispered squabble filtered through the ancient embroidered bed curtain as Graemor removed the kettle, swearing under his breath as the handle scorched him through the cloth." What skill you have, I thought as I read this.

Becoming an essay again. Signing out.
Best wishes for every success,
Zan

ooops! - if this is just one out of four, my binding offer extends to all four!
(and no, this is genuine, not ingratiatory - you've already backed me...)

Writing from another world, I'd say, J & M...! Out of this world, taking this reader along with characters that are vividly drawn from the beginning and grow deeper as the tale unfolds, the mysteries deepen, and the danger gets ever closer.

Amaris is a glamorous joy - but she has some spirit, too, the way she can stand up to Graemor, (as only a favourite can...), even disputing his story of shu Salien. Aurin is on a slow burner as I read on, but I have high hopes for him... And Olivia, a true heroine if ever there was one. Graemor, a fascinating, horrible man, yet one that seems to represent a safe haven - as all monsters do. The episode with his foster brother and the girl almost takes us into a *real world* with all its nastiness. Then we are plunged, for a moment, away from all of this into the watchful eyes of the Nephryem tribe, the growing menace to our people of Athelin.

Your turns of phrase are masterful - really. As are the little touches, the atmosphere and surroundings, that bird... Olivia's journal reads very well, her foreboding conveying her own sense of dread on to the reader. I wasn't sure seeing the long, first journal entry - a lot of information to take in there, but the last few paras of it are stunningly good. So my only crit there would be that there's a lot of names and information to take in a little too soon - even though so well done!

A wonderful story, you two, and brilliant writing, and on my shelf. Love and best wishes, from Kay xx

Hi

A tale of hope and woe told my master story tellers. Well done. Tight prose. Well drawn characters. Very visual writing. The sharman has me looking over my shoulder after I read a chapter.
This has to go on my shelf.
All the best with this. Let me know when it's published as I want to buy a copy.
Cheers Olga

J&M...You are both like the Rogers an Hammerstein of Fiction.....This reminds me of a Robinhood. and The knights of the Round Table.So well written. so creative...The description about the National flower and that whole explantion so meaningful.. In the beginning of the book (I am already on chapter 6 and can't put it down) you hooked me right in with one of your lines...

" Three times I was born. Once from blood and muscle, held red and wailing to my mothers breast, then in spirit released into life and knowledge of God, and now into fear and confusion."
If that doesn' say it all and let us in on a peak of whats to come nothing will....

I am so glad this is part of a series and very clever of you..Your MC are full of life intrigue and emotion....

The way you set up their rankings and responsibilities to their heritage and family names simply wonderful .
Thank you for sharing your talent and giving us a look into a wonderful series of books to look foward to..Bravo ladies.

Backed with certrainty and pleasure...Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart

There are two poles in your work. One pole is past and the other is future. In between two poles, there are some lives. In your visualization they got life and living in reader’s mind. It is due to not only by the quality of your craft, but also the projection of such characters.

Joy J. Kaimaparamban
The Wildfire & The Seagulls

This is beautifully written and I give it 6 stars. I've had it on my WL some number of days. I loved the characters and the drama of the shaman, the intervening weather - just all very well done. Lara
Good for Him

Your pitch intrigued me. I have added your book to my watchlist and will read soon. Good luck.

This is a skillfully constructed tale and the characters emerge gradually so that we are aware of them as they reveal themselves. I'd like to say it's like peeling an onion, but it'd more delicate than that.
It's not at all my sort of genre but I recognise excellent writing when I read it. The nearest word to it is'craftsmanship'.

Edgy. Exciting. Compelling, credible characters. Intense narrative. Powerful dialogue. Filled with emotion. Good hooks. Well textured. Compelling. Talented writing. A substantial read. Backed.

An unusual writing act - mother and daughter! But you have created a unique idea for a story. It seems to work well. I liked the 3rd person format. BACKED
Appreciate any comments / backing of my childrens' book ; paperbat adventure. Thanks.
Jerry [paperbat]

This is excellent writing. I love the prologue, the talk of the sledges tracks vanishing as the snow falls into them. He sounds as though he's gong to freeze to death as he's soaking wet and you make the reader realise that he isn't, brilliant. Excellent descriptions make this a joy to read, backed.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

Backed with pleasure
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

J&M,
Just read through the first chapter. I'm very impressed with your prose. . . but the organization is giving me some pause. You essentially have three introductions: the poem, the prologue and then the actual first chapter. This makes for a slightly choppy read, and I'm wondering if the poem, as it as it is, is necessary. Also, you switch POV by going into an extended journal entry. I liked this change of pace, but I found my mind wandering a bit during the journal reading. Consider cutting it down. Other than that you had me at your pitch. I would buy this novel based on the pitch alone. Great job. Shelving it and looking forward to reading more.

-Matt Thomas

I started to read this earlier in the day and I couldn't out it down. What a great book you got here. You have talent and great writing skill.

BACKED INDEED.

Hope you get the chance to peek inside The Russian Hat.

warm wishes
Brendan

This is by far one of the most enjoyable reads on this site. Truly beautifully crafted, a great observation/study of human nature and personal spiritual quest. A page turner, vivid, full of stunning visuals. A good potential for a movie as well.

Looking forward to your success!

Backed with great pleasure.

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

Graemor
J&M,

Great job, I am extremely impressed with your portrayal of the Shaman. You show give an honest vs. glorified character.
Excellent writing. Great plot.
Good Luck!
Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'

I think Zan's sentiment has summed your book up to a tee. To add, I love the idea of Graemor, immediately offered as less than good, a potential villain but at the same time one who might find redemption as the book opens up. The insight into Olivia's journal is also clever. Whilst offering a point of view it also steers the reader in a direction, namely to offer opinion and description of other characters in the book. Olivia becomes the focal point of the readers attentions and the heroin, but is she misguided in her comments?

There is a world here that needs to be delved into and I imagine will become ever more intriguing.

As the editor that Zan eludes to, at the end of the second paragraph 'By evening she would be covered in a fresh crop of unsightly bites, would find security in her ugliness', in essence I didn't understand the sentence but understand that maybe a word was missed. Everyone does it, my book is littered with things that need changing and have been picked up.

Potentially great story. Backed.

Kind regards

Graham

I don't know where to start.
This is a brilliant dystopian twist, where the world itself is coposed of one man: the inexplicable Graemor who is both kind and brutal, patient and irritable, generous and vengeful. The difference in the way he treats Olivia and Amaris supplies not only a tool to show how he can be two different people, but also how THEY are entirely different characters. As similar as their situation is, they've grown into quite unique and interesting individuals.
I love the mystery coupled with suspense and character-driven dialogue. The reader feels for defiant, terrified Olivia as much as we love Amaris' sweet and gullible nature.
I wish I had time to read more. I wish this was in print so I could.

Beautiful, wonderful, enriching, so exciting. Backed, because it is the least I can do.
Aly Carey (Redeemed)

A shamans mystical presence in the background. Graemor occuping the greater space of a squalid wooden hut accommodation, naturally overbearing and pompous. Collectively the girls placed in his care wearing nothing but rags. I hope Graemor is going to be a sort of rags to richs type story with a fantasy twist so for that reason it's got my backing.
Daniel Manning,
No Compatibility

Beautifully written, with a poetic, almost elegiac air about it. Wonderful details you give us, painting a scene with colors, sounds and smells. Truly another world to step into. Olivia is a fiesty character with whom we instantly sympathize. Really, I have nothing but positive things to say about this. Your hours of dedication to this project are evident in the finished work, which is impeccably done.
---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Hi J&M - you coax your reader into your story with your seductively subtle writing and intriguing opening. I've enjoyed what I've read so far, and will keep an eye on Graemor. Well done, and best of luck.
--R.N.

Interesting pitch. Good luck in the rankings. -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

Great read, enjoyed the language and style Backed, John Warren Lasting Images, please review. jw

Thanks for backing my book.
What an amazing idea of mother and daughter writing.
I have put you book on my watchlist and will comment before Friday.
Thx again for backing Going Out In Style.
a zoomer

I like the long pitch saying what the book isn't and adding some humour. There is a really good pace to the writing and I like the way that you incorporate the diary to give us back story and it allows the tell and to introduce the main charcaters early. I like the prologue and how it sets up the suspense. A book I would definately buy. Good luck

John
Call of the thunderbird

Hello,

I do wish I had more time to read further, I agree with Zan, the site is not conducive to reading full uploads properly.

That being said, it is very good and does draw the reader in. It is not my genre of book but a well-written book is just that. World would be a boring place if it was limited to a few styles!

Happily Backed
Denise

I was totally drawn into this story from the very beginning. You've created a very believable world, populated it with vivid characters, and woven in a powerful and intriguing mystery. Excellenty craftmanship, and I couldn't see anything to criticise. On my shelf, and I wish I had a hard copy on a real shelf!
Paul T.

This is lovely writing, easing the story along, building fine, individual characters and opening up a world of mystery and suspense with descriptions that are just right. Quite effortless to read and enjoy. Very strong work. Most deserving of all the high praise already noted.
Greg Stewart

Your writing for the most part is like poetry without being pretentious, a beautiful way of painting an other world. By contrast, the dialog seems prosaic, which perhaps you intend, but I found it a little out of place. Overall all this is a work of art, worthy of its ranking (or much higher) and worthy of backing.

Hi J+M,
Sadly I only have time to read the first ch right now - but I already know I am going to back your book. - For 1. quality / economy of language / effective description. - The intros of Graemor and Olivia are both effective - we have an immediate picture of them both - not so much physically, but what kind of person they are - much more important. Equally though you raise lots of questions - so I'm hooked - I want to read on t find the answers - eg - why would Olivia want to find security in ugliness? / the menace in 'one for mercy, one for sacrifice, one for vengeance.'
There were some sentences that 'sang' for me - a couple of examples - 'He treads softly in their presence.....sparks.' / 'I wear my shreds of memory like a suit of rags.' (Fantastic image) / 'Graemor filled the cramped house....stolen.'
There were a few jarring notes too - everyone always has bits that would be better edited out (in my last trawl through Munro I cut 5,000 words, mostly in ones and twos!) eg 'wails like a soul undone' and 'even the walls groaned with tension' both seem a little OTT - and don't fit with the general nicely understated tone.
And rather more radically, I'd suggest cutting your first para and starting with para 2. - This would (in my opinion) be a much stronger start - focusing on Graemor rather than the setting.
Question - what does the image of the white deer add to the story? Plunge us straight into the story with Graemor.
This aside I'm off to back . Best of luck with this, its been a pleasure to read.
Margaret

This was spectacular. Your characters are strong and fiesty, they alone can carry this book. To that we have a great original plot and an even more unique style and voice- a complete treat. I loved your pitch. Backed earlier and I'm glad I read more to comment.
Rakhi (Sir William...)

An extremely powerful and evocative prologue. It's ice-cold! The style is perfect - a poetic finesse about it.
Adam (Lunar and Sol)

Hiya J&M,
I love Peake's Gormenghast, so just mentioning it means you're up against it. ;) and you pass with flying colours.
on my shelf.
atmospheric prose, fine pace.
best wishes!
i could send only accolades, but here's a VERY picky puncuation thought. i saw a few places where the dialog punc differs from what most editors/publishers want.
e.g., "Shall I tell you a story, An?" O asked, "I can make ..." - the comma after "asked" is usually seen as a period.
but hey, enough picky stuff.
best wishes, andy

Ethereal and captivating. I feel you have lovingly drawn us into your imaginary world - thanks for leaving out all creatures toothy and hairy. I think the interplay of narration and diary entries works well.
I will need to come back and read this before bed - it just feels like a bedtime story (or at least something to be read in the dark of night).
Backed!
Ellen (Thoughts of a Teenage Girl)

Ethereal and captivating. I feel you have lovingly drawn us into your imaginary world - thanks for leaving out all creatures toothy and hairy. I think the interplay of narration and diary entries works well.
I will need to come back and read this before bed - it just feels like a bedtime story (or at least something to be read in the dark of night).
Backed!
Ellen (Thoughts of a Teenage Girl)

You have a very good story in your hands and deliver it well! Good job, I'll back it with pleasure! However, I want to ask you, in your short pitch, did you mean someone to be one or two words? Because I think it should be two but this may be intentional...

I love the atmosphere you create right from the beginning, being taken to another time and place. I could feel it with all my senses - fantastic - you know it's going to be a real epic tale, what could be better?

On my WL soon to be on the shelf.
Best wishes
Jacqui
Once Upon a Blue Moon.

J & M Hi, I am new to this site and don't quite no what to make of it yet. I clicked on your book because I saw that you had picked out mine and I was curious. I am completely unfamiliar with this genre. I would never open a book like this and yet, even though I have only read the first few pages, I find I am pleasantly surprised. Your writing style is very lyrical and instantly I felt myself in a place I hadn't been in for 40 years that is, in my bed as a girl reading and escaping into another world. I have marked your book in the hope that I find the time to get into it properly. You never know, this may be a serendipidous moment marking a broadening in my reading tastes. It's a shame it's not in print though. I feel instinctively that this is best enjoyed curled up under the covers. A computer screen can never compete with good old bendy paperbacks.

your writing is extremely beautiful... and your story is scary... one of the few that actually sends chill down my spine...

a couple of things on your pitch:

you missed a spacing in the pitch between "them. As they "

probably should put a divider of some kind between the actually pitch and your message to the readers.

Something like:

from the growing shadow which threatens their future.

*****

Told through Olivia’s journal....

A well crafted and original novel.

Hi J&M

Your writing more visual than most books I have read, purely because of your descriptions and your words.
As I am reading along I can clearly picture poor Olivia, silly Amaris and their home they live in.
Your prologue was haunting to read and had a sinister tone sending chills down my spine.
Absolutely beautiful writing and an absolute pleasure to back.
Sarah. T-cup and the Dream Team Fairies

Hello – I like to comment as if I was reading your book in a shop or library, just making notes as I go along. I hope this is Ok for you, it works for me and it is fun

Graemor

Like the cover

Interesting pitches.

Lovely prose, beautiful evocative descriptions and a well wrought tale of mystery. The writing is proficient and skilful. You have introduced us to the main players and drawn the location so well that it is real and believable.

Good natural dialogue.

All in all a very well presented, intriguing and fascinating book. I am happy to back this and wish you the best of luck with its continued climb to the top – Diane

Caught me with this. I gone throug hte firs three chapters and I find myself regretting my lack of time continue.

Backed with pleasure

George Fripley - Wurzel of Clutton

J&M
With an easy pace and vivid descriptions, you weave a magical tale; magical in both senses of the word. I think it will continue to do well.
Best Wishes,
William (The Caves of Caerdraig)

Not my usual read, but it's very well written, backed.

Backed with pleasure.
warm wishes
Hatts

J&M...You are both like the Rogers an Hammerstein of Fiction.....This reminds me of a Robinhood. and The knights of the Round Table.So well written. so creative...The description about the National flower and that whole explantion so meaningful.. In the beginning of the book (I am already on chapter 6 and can't put it down) you hooked me right in with one of your lines...

" Three times I was born. Once from blood and muscle, held red and wailing to my mothers breast, then in spirit released into life and knowledge of God, and now into fear and confusion."
If that doesn' say it all and let us in on a peak of whats to come nothing will....

I am so glad this is part of a series and very clever of you..Your MC are full of life intrigue and emotion....

The way you set up their rankings and responsibilities to their heritage and family names simply wonderful .
Thank you for sharing your talent and giving us a look into a wonderful series of books to look foward to..Bravo ladies.

Backed with certrainty and pleasure...Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart

This is really fantastic. I've never been able to understand how two writers work together, I think that's an amazing feat and it certainly works in your favor! I'm happy to back it!

Tawn Anderson (Providence)

Dear J & M, My favorite mother/daughter team. Yes, I'm envious. :) Thanks for backing my 2 books. Love,Susie :) p.s. I'll put you on my watchlist to possibly help your book to advance. :)

Oh, I like Olivia and Amaris, even Aurin, but Graemor evokes a lot less sympathy; he’s a mystery … this is quite out of the ordinary and I wish you well with it. There’s an interesting tone to this writing and I look forward to reading a bit more.

Dear J & M, I'm so proud of you, mother & daughter, to write a book together. :) Maybe, some day, my daughter, Kathy, who will be 40 in Oct., will write one with me. That would be like Heaven. :) I like your dialogue & short paragraphs which zoom me thru your story. Thriller, romance, intrigue. :) Wow! :) 4 books, that's amazing. :) Of course, I will back your book. :) Thanks for backing my He Loves Me. I hope you'll take a moment to BACK my other book, the unedited version, Tell Me True Love Stories Thanks, Susie :)

GRAEMOR: Beautifully written. You have woven intrigue into the story by Olivia's journal and her feisty character. I like that she does not fall for Graemor's teaching like Aramis does. I'm looking forward to returning and reading more.

HJ
Pearl Edda

I like stories that take me out of my everyday world and sweep me away to a new and different one. And this one does that well. I'm impresssed with the detail with which you describe scenes. Well done. Burgio (Grain of Salt(.

Hello Jensen Ladies.

There is excellence here in these pages seldom seen by readers who love the mystery of this kind of fiction.

You style of writing is lyrical and flows like the finest prose.

I am gladly backing your book based on the first pages I have read and will continue to enjoy the rest because it appeals to me. It's starting out to be a wonderful story.

Thank you most kindly for backing my book, A King in Time

Mary Enck