Something to Celebrate

A really enjoyable read. I would buy this book.
Yours Bea

perfect writing for this genre, good flow, effective narrative, and a dab of humour makes this a great book.
on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

Read the first chapter but it seems I've actually read the first three. Chapter 2 is the same and now I'm actually into Ch 8. I enjoyed the story and can really relate to the MC. So many women settle for less and end up staying. I have rated the book and hope to get back to read more. Well done.
Red

Read the first chapter but it seems I've actually read the first three. Chapter 2 is the same and now I'm actually into Ch 8. I enjoyed the story and can really relate to the MC. So many women settle for less and end up staying. I have rated the book and hope to get back to read more. Well done.
Red

Frances: love the short pitch. That long pitch needs tells us too much. Leave a little mystery and end it with a question. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

This is an entertaining read. You have three good characters in Lucy, Charlie, and Scarlett. They're all likable and sympathtic because each has been wronged in some day (my neighbor just rescued a cat and named her Thursday because that's the day of the week she rescued her). Your writing style is engaging and kept me turning to the next paragraph and then the next chapter. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

This is a terrific read, funny and written exceptionally well.

the three girls characterisation is phenominal and your premise promises many adventures to come.

Happily shelved

Melxx
Impeding Justice

Frances, I enjoyed the mix of narrative and true-to-life dialogue in the first two chapters. Good job overall.

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

I want a copy of this book for my vacation! From the pitch to the prose this is well crafted humor and polished prose!

Backed

Liz
The Cheech Room

Your pitch alone hooked me. And you have a character with the same name as mine. Funny stuff.

Backing it.

Pls take a look at my novel when you get a chance.

El
Reckless Scarlett

This is a book with an exciting and interesting pitch for a great plot. Charlie, Lucy and Scarlett are girls we immediately find ourselves attracted to. Each of them is in her different way feisty, adventurous, brave, and full of fun. Your writing is fast moving and clear, with a lot of humour thrown in to add to the enjoyment. We can't help sympathising with Charlie, even though it does seem tough on Leon. The sighting of Paul with a girl is clearly leading to the signalled break-up of Lucy's marriage, which seems doubly sad when there is no other outward sign of it, and as they dance together, Charlie reflects that they go together 'like strawberries and cream.' Charlie's move to Spain, to drink Sangria at the poolside while Scarlett looks for a job for her, promises a very enjoyable setting and lots more fun. You ofter us a good mixture of the serious, with sadness in the end of relationships, and the amusing, such as the girls' Karaoke. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Frances,
Marvelous and intriguing story, one that I want to take along with me and read as I take the boring bus to my job. Like Charlie, I'd love to travel abroad but unlike her I haven't the means. Hurrah, for her! This book flowed easily but there were a few grammatical errors that will probably be ironed out as you move up the line. Thank you, backed.
Lori Buckman (In Her Own Backyard)

Frances,
Marvelous and intriguing story, one that I want to take along with me and read as I take the boring bus to my job. Like Charlie, I'd love to travel abroad but unlike her I haven't the means. Hurrah, for her! This book flowed easily but there were a few grammatical errors that will probably be ironed out as you move up the line. Thank you, backed.
Lori Buckman (In Her Own Backyard)

Amusing, easy writing that kept up the pace from first to last. Charlie and Lucy have a great relationship enjoying each others company and providing each other with just the right responses. The hint of a problem with Paul only adds to the plot. Premise ofthe story very believeabnle and you want Charlie to have a wonderful life far away from Matlock!... This should appeal to a wide range of ages, probably female... great fun

Hi there! Just read the first few chapters and I really enjoyed this! It was snappy and engaging and the humour was just about right for the tone of the story that looked like unfolding. One thing I really liked was Charlie's predicament and how it kicks off the start of the story really well. In some books, you have to go for some time before you find out where the drama's coming from - here, the main character has kicked things off herself by leaving behind a situation where she could have been content her whole life. That shows that she's brave (even if she does question herself a lot afterwards) which bodes well for the rest of the story. Really good! Shelved! W

Hi, here for my read of chapter three as promised!

The Waltons -- I love that show! John Boy is gorgeous! Very funny dialogue here…social services hehe

Interesting theory between Friends and The Waltons -- I’m a fan of both!

A funny chapter this one, the conversations between them are very witty and realistic.

Short and sweet!

Nitpicks;
In a few places you start dialogue without a capital letter
Before someone’s name in dialogue you always need a comma, eg. “Come here, Luce” there are a few places you’ve missed this

Frances

I listened to a seminar given by a literary agent on 'How Not to Present a Manuscript'' Number one was presenting a manuscript that opens with dialect.....It's like walking into a room, the telly is on, you can hear people talking but you dont know who they are, where they are or what they look like....Because unlike a telly, a novel has no picture.....I changed mine straight away.......If that's the opinion of the great and good who was I to argue.....So set up the scene, ie, describe the bar, the party, why they're there, Then start the dialogue.

Also another 'no no' is to have a character reflect in the middle of a conversation.....Send Lucy to the bar to buy a drink whilst Charlie reflects.....Charlie sounds a little bit shallow to me, can we not have at least one thing wrong with Leon, a tiny thing to kind of make me 'take her side''' BUT if this is exactly what you want me to think. ie. that she's shallow, then it's worked......xx I enjoyed it very much...Liked your reference in Chapter 3 to Waltons etc.....

I read the first chapter, it's a funny story, the dancing is particularly well written. Although the last paragraph has a number of cliches in it, there are other ways to say people go well together. But it's a minor point.

great fun, a really entertaining read, told in the slightly breathless style so apposite to its subject..

i think you've created a set of characters & situations most people will find some kind of connection to..

when you write about "that awful routine they (status quo) had made so popular" i cringed in recognition of embarrassing scenes.. uncles and so forth at the "disco"...

i ' ve become a great chicklit fan since coming to this site and your book is a worthy and highly readbale addition to my shelf..

good luck with it

freddie
("honour")

This is a fast paced read. The cover of your book and pitch drew me in, this is a fun book to get into. You can capture dialogue well.

I agree, the line about Paul is confusing. I think you need to relook it. At least put a period in after "melted ice"
Backed.
T.L Tyson

i really did like it. it was so much fun to read! just one nit though in the first paragraph i kinda paused and had to look over it b/c she goes "Where's paul go to?" and idk that kinda confused me. other than that really liked it. i think it was amazing. you are obviously very talented. shelved.
-Cara

Hi Frances!

I'm commenting as I read through, so bear with me...

LOVE the premise of this book. I'm a chick-lit reader (for my own enjoyment), so this is right up my alley. Your pitch is good, though you need a period on the end of your short intro.

As I read through further, you could stand to have someone edit this for punctuation and capitalization edits. Example: I don't think you need a cap on "Farewell party" and you're missing a period on the "Mr" in Mr. Right. I won't list everything I see, but am giving those as examples.

All in all, I definitely like the feel of this - your dialogue is believable and you have drawn your characters well - they are fun, complex and colorful! Great job with book! I believe in the strength of your writing and imagination, and think there is definitely an audience for this. Shelved for that reason!

Kim
Invisible Justice

This is right up my ally, fun, characters to relate too and a story that flows. I am shelving as I believe this is a well written and captivating story.

Jo xx

Spoilt, Fire Starter and Charlottesville

Chapter 2

You continue the story well, and I’m still enjoying it!
A few suggestions:
There are a few places where I think you tell where you could show. All those sentences with the past tense do this, for example ‘she always did’ or ‘she would.’ Try showing us.

There is one sentence where you change from Charlie to Scarlett’s POV, ‘all those years later…’ I’d cut this out, it is confusing.

Interesting twist with Paul!

Hope this helps x

Lively characters and humorous dialogue carry this story. It’s on the shelf.

I had a little trouble determining who was speaking in the beginning dialogue scene. Perhaps a few taglines – not too many – or character actions before the dialogue would help.

It seemed a little out of character for Leon, whom you built up as a sensitive, intelligent guy, to fart loudly in the restroom. This sounds more like a construction worker than a chef – well perhaps if he were a fry cook, stretching eggs at the breakfast emporium.

I hope this helps

Bob Avey

Hi Frances,

This reads well for Chic-Lit. Good dialogue, good relationship between Lucy and Charlie with a good dose of hunky men thrown in for good measure!

Some will say there's a rule that you shouldn't start a book with dialogue but that didn't bother me here. I was a bit confused about who Lucy was talking to though so I think Charlie should have been mentioned prior to para 6. And yes, ain't it a shame when reality socks you in the face by showing you the love of your life is HUMAN?! hehehe!

This could use a good edit for punctuation. You're missing a lot of commas and periods that would make some sentences much easier to read.

Overall, I think it is what the genre is all about so I'll back it (even though I just watched--and enjoyed--an episode of Little House on the Prairie!) ~Barb

This is a lively, fun read, with its biggest selling point the great interaction between the female characters. Chicklit is an overpopulated genre, but this stands head and shoulders above alot of the efforts I've seen, because of the quality of the writing and that character interaction. The humour is perfectly placed throughout (poor Charlie listening to Leon's morning ritual! - I hope the men get a better deal as the romantic interests appear!) and I was smiling on several occasions throughout your opening chapters. I love the fact that though Charlie is upping and leaving the country she is filled with as much doubt as excitement, that she is thinking of very real feelings and insecurities. It's a great fun read, as fun as a night out with the drunken girls YMCA-ing their way around a nighclub! Shelved. [And there is nothing wrong with a nice nostalgic episode of The Waltons] :)

Hi Frances
This is lovely, really enjoying it. Very funny and you really get a feel for the characters straight away. Excellent dialogue too. I will return and read some more. Have put you on my watchlist and will comment more soon ish.
If you get the chance to have a look at my book, I'd be really grateful.
Hope you're tip top,
JG Reynolds (Head, Heart & Trousers).

Hi Frances
This is lovely, really enjoying it. Very funny and you really get a feel for the characters straight away. Excellent dialogue too. I will return and read some more. Have put you on my watchlist and will comment more soon ish.
If you get the chance to have a look at my book, I'd be really grateful.
Hope you're tip top,
JG Reynolds (Head, Heart & Trousers).

Matlock, Frances, I know it well. There are worse places. I do, however, see why Charlie would want to leave the almost-gorgeous Leon. Great chick lit, fun and funny but with an edge of grimmer reality giving it depth. Your writing is spot-on for the genre: 'Anything that isn't bloody planned and settled and sorted, or round here'. 'in Kamikaze mood'. 'this crippling modesty'. 'it wasn't a good look when her skirt fell down over her head'. By chapter 4, you are really into your stride with descriptions of boats and towns: 'fragrant jasmine tumbled down walls'. 'jumbled maze of alleyways'. And the romance between Scarlett and Antonio - very poignant - then the reawakening of her desires.

I'm more than happy to back Something to Celebrate.

Some possible tweaks to consider or ignore - only my opinion: I'm not sure about your opening. I wasn't immediately sure who was speaking in the second paragraph, but it was Lucy restating what Charlie already knew. When Charlie speaks, it's to state what Lucy already knows. Then you say most of it again in the 'Charlie shook her head' paragraph. On the basis of the rest of your writing, I think you could produce a stronger opening. 'All these years later Scarlett was still relieved' this reference to Scarlett made me wonder if you meant Charlie, otherwise you need some mention of the past when Scarlett was also friends with Lucy, and forced to join in the karaoke???

Hiya, here as promised, sorry for the delay!

I said I would comment chapter by chapter so here is my thoughts of chapter one:

Well, you drew me in! I read without pause wondering why is she leaving such a perfect life behind, what’s wrong -- she is crazy! To, oh she doesn’t love him anymore. And then seeing them together, and I have to say the moment she realises she doesn’t want to marry him is hilarious, I’m not sure it is supposed to be so sorry if I’ve offended, but I’m sure many women will relate to that moment!

Nitpicks:
‘your idea’ - missing full stop.
And that’s it!

I really enjoyed this opening chapter. It hooked me and is one of the rare books on autonomy that is in my comfort zone! Happy to back and will return to leave my comments on following chapters soon!

All the best,
Valentina x

Something to Celebrate - Frances Mann

It will creep up, I think; I think it would creep faster if you trimmed it from 88 to 66 thousand. Leela's comment below is a very good comment, in my opinion. And Leela's, no doubt.
Good luck. I've shelved it.
Ann

Hi!
I don't know if I'm being a little picky but I didn't get on with the first sentence - too many names concentrated in too short a space. Also, maybe think about changing the Meg Ryan description on page 3 - using celebrities to describe a character's appearance easily dates the book and I always feel a little cheated when authors do this! But maybe this is just me?! You seem to have a lot of fans judging from your comments, and I wish you the best of luck with this!
Shona

A romping good read, sure to find favour with its target audience:

“It wasn’t Leon who was the problem, it was her. She wasn’t ready to be married to anyone.
No wonder she hadn’t wanted to face it, this meant more than the end of their relationship. There was no way she could continue to live and work with him if she broke off their engagement and she had no idea what the hell was she going to do. She would be thirty next year, did she really want to be starting over again at this age?”

All the right ingredients and all properly mixed:

“But Charlie spent the nights alone in her hotel room while Scarlett slept with Antonio onboard his little yacht. Each night he held her curled into his arms as they fell asleep to the gentle rocking of the waves lapping against the hull.
All the lovey dovey stuff made Charlie feel slightly nauseous but she was happy for Scarlett who was so loved up it was unreal. For Scarlett this was even better than the best romance with the best hero in the best book she had ever read. Forget Romeo and Juliet or Tristan and Isolde, forget Ross and Rachael, this was the love story against which all future love stories would be measured...”

Except of course that it just won’t be...

Written with a humorous bent:

“Scarlett laughed, ‘what do you mean?’
‘Going where no man has gone before,’ he explained. ‘I was knocking my balls all over the place.’
It took her a second to figure out what he was on about, knocking his balls all over the place? ‘Oh right,’ she said, blushing. ‘You mean off the fairway?’
‘Off the fairway?,’ he laughed, ‘I was practically out of the golf course.

This is certain to be a popular read. Shelved.

Hi Frances, Just finished reading it! It took me until chapter 8/9 to really get into it, but from then on I was glued to the screen regardless of my eyes hurting :) I hope it goes wonderfully well for you.

Sophie

Hi Frances. Sorry it has taken so long to get to you. This is a good chick lit opening. It ticks all the right boxes for the genre. My only criticism was your first sentence which I felt was a bit convoluted. Apart from that the writing flowed really well. I am putting this on my shelf and I wish you all the best of luck with it.

Riva

I like the little saying, “Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.” Though I did enjoy it, I did notice however that chapter 16 has no dialogue at all.
I never heard of the truth game either. I will have to use it next time.
All and all this is a very interesting read. I found it engaging and realistic.
BACKED

Frances, finding our full lives are really empty it a hard discovery. And even harder to do something about. You've written a fun, fasted paced piece that will make the reader think. Charlie is a likable character and should do will in the chick lit arena. Good luck. Shelved. C.P

Hey Frances! Sorry it took so long (slow reader)

So first of all the cover is adorable! But is charlie crazy!?!?! Leon is a catch, I'll gladly take him off her hands (haha!) On the sentence "Lucy was teasing of course..." maybe put a period instead of the comma. I don't know, they just seemed like separate thoughts to me.

This is so cute! I especially like the last sentence. ( I think I might just steal Paul, too :D )

Hello Frances,

I applaud your starting chapter.and the amazing job you did introducing the principal characters especially the discourse between Lucy and Charlie. The plot unfolds gradually, a plus in the sense that it sustains anticipation. The writing is smooth and the scope is wide and rich. Dialogue and narrative are used effectively here and the descriptions are vivid.

Overall, this is a cleverly written story with a colourful setting It is also fast-paced and effective in its narrative and descriptions. This is a story to return to.

All the best

Janvier (Flash of the Sun)

Comments on Chapter 1...

Well, for a change I'm happy to find a read on Authonomy that's light and doesn't do my head in trying to focus on every little detail. The tone and dialogue are exactly right for its characters and target audience.

For the sake of some quibbles, you might think about losing some of the following types of words, which often add little to the bare words they modify and sometimes detract, especially when used in tandem: "utterly", "completely", "very", "extremely", "totally", "absolutely" and the like.

At the same time, consider paring a FEW of the other adjectives and adverbs - make the ones you keep stand out and earn their place.

I think it should be "captain/s" lower case unless you're talking about a specific person. e.g. Captain Kirk.

"...Alexandra Burke during her X-Factor appearance, and that's a lot of tears." I don't know Alexandra Burke, but I can guess she cried a lot - consider stopping this sentence after appearance.

Chapter 2...

some of your "it's" should be "its". It's = it is, as in "It's a nice day." Its = the possessive, as in "The bird lifted its beak."

Carlos sounds a lot like Charlie; if I'm not mistaken it's virtually the Spanish for the same. It's usually considered a good idea to make names of major characters reasonably different. Not that Carlos is that major a character (considering he's dead), but I'd expect his name ot crop up fairly often.

Watch out for passive "was", "were" type sentences. Try and reword a few to make them more direct, more punchy. I noticed quite a few in this chapter (guess my writer's hat went back on).

All in all, however, a light and easy read. As I said, just right for your target audience, perhaps something for the beach?

Happy to give it a run on my shelf.

If you could take a look at mine, that would be great, but no obligation.

Regards,

TomW (Nick of Time)

Oh, you interrupted the sex scene!

Hey,
Starting with a party? Great idea. It gave me an energy boost just reading it.
I liked the characters and the dialogue you've employed, both are real to me because of your writing skill. No nitpicks.
It was a fun read and i'd like to keep you on my shelf for a while.

Regards,

Mark H

I love the description in the disco in chapter one, especially the bit about dancing to Agadoo. I would suggest you avoid cliches e.g. discretion is the better part of valour. Or twist the words around to make them your own. I like her indignation at being named after a day of the week. I would also suggest that you add more dialogue. Shelved

Something to Celebrate...

I'm shelving this post haste despite the fact that I do think you need to look at your overall structure and to select the scenes that you really want to build up and make them brilliant.

Your characters are true to life and a lot of your dialogue is hilarious...definitely on target for the chick-lit audience. Do think about grounding your scenes in setting details and using more body language (as someone else suggested); the result will be even funnier than it already is.

A nit: it's = it is; its = possessive. Common mistake, but not a deal breaker.

Best of luck with this.

In case I wasn't clear, this is shelved.

Cheers,
Sheryl

Something to Celebrate...

c.1 comments...Your opening scene confused me, but it's an easy fix...just a few more speaker attributions (preferably via body language with maybe some more setting details.)

Now that I've read the small flashback to her epiphany (the farting episode), I would start with that as an actual scene. I can see the arc of that scene clearly (starts with contentment, then the farting, then the epiphany.) It could be totally hilarious and therefore even more poignant when she wonders if she should dump him.

Reading on....

Hi Frances,

I absolutely love this book. The relationship between Charlie and Lucy is so authentic and the dialogue is well crafted and believable. I can’t believe Paul. I would be confused if I were in Charlie’s position. I would want to tell Lucy, but then again he didn’t do anything major. I’ve never been in a loveless relationship but I think Charlie going away is for the best. Leon sounds lovely but if she doesn’t love him what is a girl to do?

‘Sleep well my arse,’ I thought he’d spoken these words as you used quotation marks. Perhaps italize or just leave it plain would suffice as he thought already gives it away as being inside Adam’s mind. I loved how you made me feel like I was there with the girls. I was swept away and completely absorbed into the story.

Although Charlie had called off the engagement, it’s good that Lucy’s there to help Leon through his down days. Awe, poor Lucy. That good for nothing Paul. Why are men never satisfied?

I liked how you’re always introducing us to new characters. Suzie seems like such a laugh.

So far, this has been a wonderful read. Very well written. I would love to buy this once it’s published.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

LIke the sound of this. On my watch list. Will read more when I get home from work.

Peter.

You have three, I think, really interesting stories here, Frances, with Charlie, Scarlett and Lucy + all the interactions between them and others. I was immediately taken by your pitch and I certainly wasn't disappointed by either your story or your writing, which is excellent. Very often with agents, a gripping one page letter with your pitch and a few words about you can be enough to get them hooked in, but you'll also need a strong one-page synopsis and a pretty flawless first 50 pages, which I think Something to Celebrate has. Backed with pleasure and good luck - Phil Rowan (Weimar Vibes)

Something to Celebrate-
Frances,

I finally got to read some of your book! Sorry for the delay.
I like the pitches (short and long) it made me want to read the book.
I love dialog, and I love that you start off with a bang.

You do a lot of telling, I'd love to see more showing. Especially the bar scene :-)
Hey...I love the Waltons and Little house on the praire! LOL
Too funny...
One thing that kept going through my mind is - how old is Charlie? You might have addressed that - I could have missed it, but I was wondering exactly how old she is. I'm thinking 20 something.
At any rate, your voice is strong, the writing is great and I've shelved it.
Thanks for reading Riley's Gift...and your wonderful comments.
Good luck with this.
~Krista Darrach

Hey Frances,

The pitch is really good and it sounds like there’s easily enough drama, conflict and emotion to maintain reader interest in here. I have very little experience with chick-lit I’m afraid, but the tone and content seem about right.

Writing wise, I’d consider breaking up some of the dialogue in places, either with an action of some form – ‘Lucy fiddled with the umbrella in her cocktail and gazed into the distance’ – or just have the characters interrupting each other a bit more, bouncing back and forth with comments etc.

Good luck with this,

Andy