Coins of Justice

Hello Leon,

As already noted you do a great job at describing the environment, so much so that I could visualize the surroundings in greater detail. Besides your engaging plot, I also felt compelled to read more based only on the vivid detail. My only suggestion is to scan the book for minor typos.

David Joyce
The Irish Throne

There is no chapter 11. Twelve is here twice.

No other nits. I think this is the beginning of a wonderful story about Romanized Britain that could go far. Adwen is interesting as is his budding feelings for Oren, and the animosity he holds for Cimarus will no doubt prove catalytic.

What is here is well written. RT

This is a pretty thorough romp through Roman times done with finesse. Probably should be higher up the rankings. There is a lot competition in the market for Roman sagas including sleuths like Falco by Lindsey Davis but this just might fill a gap. Starred, regards, Mark

Hi Leon,

This first chapter has pulled me in right from the get-go. You're descriptions are economical but effective, using the spare amount of words to still paint a perfect picture without slowing down the story. I thought your description of the miserable fugitive standing in the rain was particularly well done, and the way you weave the character descriptions into the storyline is enviable.

I do have a few comments, if you'd like. We're all trying to edit and rewrite on here, so I find it particularly helpful when people give me detailed critiques on my book. Hopefully these will help.

In pitch, Britain is misspelled. Tyranny is missing an "n".

Should be "ship-owning father" (hyphen is used to join two words into an adjective.) This is needed in other places as well, like when you say the "rain-soaked man in the first chapter, etc.

I felt like the pitch gave just a little too much of the plot away without allowing it to unfold in the story.

I'd suggest putting the historical note at the end, rather than the beginning. It's just personal preference, but it seems to move right into the story instead of slowing it down.


"And he was unable to feel that a puddle in which he stood had covered his sandals..." This is a little bit of an awkward construction, consider rewording for clarity.

"Devestated that he would not be able to reach the ship's hold without discovery, panic hit him. (no semicolon because they're not two stand-alone sentences.)

I was a little surprised when the men all of a sudden went from walking along to dashing toward the warehouse.

Your point of view is a little bit problematic in chapter 1. You go from the fugitive to Adwen and then very quickly back to the hunted man.

Suggested reword: "He wore a sleeveless jacket of brown leather over a thick woolen shirt..."

His order (was) acted on immediately by the soldiers pouring in..."

Just a few things that I noticed as I was reading. But overall, this is an intriguing first chapter, you show instead of telling (using the farmer to show how the Romans are exploiting the people is much more effective than simply saying, 'The Romans had been robbing people's farms and kill all who opposed them." It creates immediate tension and moves the plot along nicely. Very well written. I'm giving this full stars and putting it on my WL for rotation to my bookshelf asap.

If you have a chance to read and critique some of my book "A War Within" which is actually set just before yours in 196 AD (and also features Severus as he comes to power) I'd greatly appreciate it. I'm interested to see how your portrayal of that emperor compares with mine and welcome your thoughts on the period.

Best wishes for all success,

Nathan Maki - A War Within

hiya. this has atmosphere. i browsed and found your work.
i like anything of the roman era. i realise mine lacks some description when i read yours
fortunately our books are centuries apart.. but i like your style

peter, command. centurion

Leon,
I backed your book COINS OF JUSTICE. Please take a look at either one or both of my novels, DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS or MY GENTLEMAN FRIEND. If you like what you see, I hope you'll back either one of them or possible both. Thank you!

Dwain-Thomas

Enticing pitch and first chapter. To combine a fast paced thriller with this period of history is a master stroke, and I really hope that you do well with this. On my W/L Good luck
Babs

Leon, I like a historical thriller. I've read chapter one and you do a good job of setting up the scene and dropping the reader right into the action. It does need some editing though (but what work on here doesn't?), for example the paragraph starting 'A dishevelled ...' - too many 'looked' close together and I'm assuming 'showed' is a typo / meaning error. (his arms showed dirty) Minor points. Backed.
Shaun
The Six Acts

I have a great deal of respect for authors such as yourself. The amount of research must take a great deal of time, and you have done such a wondeful job of creating this magnificent work for the world to enjoy. It is a very powerful story, compelling and engaging. I wish you well and back your book with much pleasure. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

I like the way you slip in and out of each person's pov. Omniscient is hard to achieve.

From what i've read in your first chapter, I note that you need some editing. Missing punctuation, lack of caps when starting a sentence etc. But the writing is good, and the plot set for a good story.

Well done.!

Francene. Still Rock Water.

Fantastic work. A potent historical adventure. True-to-life characters. Vivid dialogue that evokes the era. Perceptive period narrative. Well imagined settings. Poignant scenes. Excellent pacing Compelling twists. Superb writing that engages the reader's intellect as well as emotions. An immensely enjoyable read. Backed.

COINS OF JUSTICE
Hi Leon, A compelling read, with strong characters (I found them so, anyway, though have read some comments to the contrary below). I agree with some in that there is room to make more of the historical setting - but on the other hand, I believe that readers can often conjure up their own image with the use of only a few words eg "flames of two oil lamps flickering" instantly gives me a picture of an old interior, and we already know it's a ships's warehouse. So I'd only add some - not too much. Personally I'm not in favour of over-long descriptive passages which are easy to skip through. I would like to read more of this and will put on my WL but backed on the strength of what I have read so far. Would very much appreciate it if you could have a look at my book.
Best wishes,
Adelina
A Distant Family

Leon,
This is indeed a thriller, fast paced and engaging. You've set the story against a well researched background to make it convincing, too.
You may have time to read Windshadow, also telling of sailing a boat. Meantime, I'm certainly backing this well-written book.
Ann Mynard (Windshadow)

Leon. Not sure if my last comment got to you, so sending again.
Your novel [Coins of Justice - which is aptly titled], is set in an interesting time of Britain's history, when it was in flux. And thus offers an exciting setting as a background. Being a history teacher, I can bring this into my thoughts as I read it. I wonder whether you could highlight this more in your background story to make the storyline more punchy. Anyway, end of lesson - apologies. Bye the way, I love the book and characters. BACKED for sure.

I would appreciate if you could look at my short childrens' story ; Paperbats.
Thanks. Jerry [paperbat]

To Leon Ashworth (Coins of Justice)

Great piece of writing and anything to do with the Roman occupation of Britain draws interest. I reckon this book will pull in a good audience. I'm giving your book BACKING and a bit of time on my shelf.

Frank James (The Contractor)

Leon. You obviously did some solid reseach which allows you to describe the era well. My only suggerstion is to take just as much time refining your central characters. However, it is excellent [the 3 chapters I read at least!]. I am backing it.
Appreciate any comments/backing on my childrens story ; Paperbats Adventure.
Jerry - paperbat

LEON ASHWORTH: COINS OF JUSTICE

Dear Leon,

This is a lovely historical read, detailed and very emotional judging from the second chapter. You have put in a lot of research into this story and the recreation of the scenes is wonderful although I think you can still put in more scenic depictions and physical descriptions as with capturing the manner of a Roman engaging a conversation or by describing the housing and buildings a little more intensively eg. highlighting the kind of pottery and vases that typified their life etc – all that sets the scenes more believable to the reader.

I was taken aback by the manner in which these poor people were rounded off and then left in the mercy of the soldiers as depicted in Chapter Two; you described enough to solicit my response and it was moving.

There are minor typos, errors in sentence construction and some minor issues but all this can be ironed out eventually over time.

e.g. “Blood spurted from a gash across the man’s eyebrow, fell to the ground moaning and clutching his face.” (Chapter TWO)

I found several others but I am sure you will be able to make those changes – sometimes getting back to a read a couple of days later, makes the errors visible to the human eye. However, you state this is your first draft, so the real edits should begin now.

Shelved and backed! An insightful read!

Romilla
Forgetting Sally

I loved the way you managed to bring the period alive. I wish you every success with this and am very happy to place it on my shelf.
Joanna Carter
Fossil Farm

Very smooth well crafted writing obvious that you did your research.
Strong writing is always Backed
Well done
Sincerely wish you the best with this.
Scorselo-the Communicator

Fun reading. Something I enjoyed.
Interesting, well told piece of historical writing. Great narration, live characters and realistic dialogue.
You’ve got my vote.

Dear Leon
I do not remember this book cover
I have a passion for book covers
some say that it is not important
however when in a book store and you dont know thousands of authors
what is the thing that attracts?
the book cover. yours is great.
I have already commented and backed your book a while ago, but cannot see the backing anywhere. So i am taking the time to back it again because I believe your book is WORTH IT

BEST OF LUCK
Denise

You have captured well the essence of the historical time period. Your adventure thriller is loaded with taught and gripping action and your story is well researched. The book is character rich, I do like how you develope Adwen, and your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

I'm enjoying this, and am happy to BACK it on the strength of the 3 random chapters I've skimmed. However I do suggest you browse a book on punctuation, specifically on the use and mis-use of commas; there's nothing wrong with a judicious sprinkling of semi-colons to break up your often long and rambling sentences. The dialogue is often unnatural. Don't be afraid to use contractions: and just because it's a historical novel there's no reason to make everyone speak in complete articulated sentences, even the VIPs.
Your research is impressive, but there's no need to show every detail; we can see you know your stuff, and don't need to have it all spread out as if it would be wasted otherwise.
But the story is gripping, I like the characters, there's lots going on, and it's really colourful. Definitely backed, and I'm hoping to make some time to read more of it.

Great descriptive language, setting the scene with style and originality. backed.

Larry Harry again, it's Gold and Horses.

It's an intriguing story, but needs some editing (so is mine), backed. Larry Harry ( Gold and Horese )

An interseting pitch and a good subject Roam Hisory at its best rape and pillage. You story moves quickly but I did feel it jarred in places. Early in chapter one you write - With no unawareness that the puddle in which he stood covered his toes. - He was unaware the puddle he stood in covered his toes - is much sharper. and is there such a word as Unawareness, you can be unaware but can you be unawareness? With a bit of a tidy up this could be realy good.

Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley

a very interesting book; some say Severus was the black Emperor of Britain...fascinating stuff...watchlist...
read SEASONS...

Hi Leon

I stumbled upon this via your pitch. I love the way you write and I think you have talent. This will indeed, shoot up the rankings. Good luck with this, I know that this will do more than well.

BACKED

I hope you get the chance to take a little peek inside The Russian Hat

Sincerley
Brendan

This is a work of pure brilliance which describes the time period well giving the reader a good insight. Your style is flamboyant but not overtly so which gives a good balance to your writing. The story is intriguing with believable characters and a good plot line. Backed. Could you have a look at my manuscript The Sacred Pool.

Laurence

i also like well-wrtten historical fiction. i will back this. my genre currently is different, but you might find it interesting...
j

Dear Leon, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." :) Thanks so very much. :) Since I have already "backed" your book, I will put your book on my "watchlist." Could you please take a moment to "back" my completed unedited memoir version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which at the end tells of my illness now & 6th abusive marriage. I'd be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :)
authonomy quotes: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs.
When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy

Dear Leon, I love that you recount this part of history, so long ago - the documentation before chapter 1 ever started - that was surreal. :) Also, before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your pitch, which was very well done - totally excellent! :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book. :) "When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
additional authonomy quote: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs." :)
backed :)
Love, Susie :)

Hooked, just the kind of book I love, I know you will do well here. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

I like the style and the fact that the reader feels as if he is there,too, in Roman Britain. Excellent. Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

Wonderful. Setting means this is vaguely reminiscent of Lindsey Davies' work, but the similarities end when you take us on a wonderful trip. Your characters are intense and your characters well constructed. Olga makes some good points below, and I look forward to seeing this in print, one day.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

Hi

This story unfolds well. Great characterisations. You capture the reader's interest from the first paragraph. Well done. I think this could do with an edit to make it shine. Some nits are below...
'We could have use for a man like this.' POV change. It's intrusive. Much stronger to keep scene with fugitive.
'Adwen felt decidedly uncomfortable...' POV change. As above.
Also, the mention of fear is too much and words like shock brutatility, horror, etc before the prisoners have been dealt with lessens the impact of the whipping when it happens. It prepares the reader for horrors which don't eventuate. The reader expects from the build up cutting off of limbs, entrails hanging out, etc which does not happen. Sure the characters will be scared but look at your choice of words and save the most descriptive for during the event.
I hope this helps. You have a great story here.
Shelved.
Cheers Olga

It's great to have Roman stories with plenty of action and adventure. I hope to read more soon. Backed
Christine Elaine Black
MAXIMUS

Great first page Leon. I feel the urge to grab my sword and join the rebellion. Two thousand years too late. (Fortunately). Lots of gripping action and straightforward good guys/bad guys make this an enjoyable read. Backed, Scott.

Smack bang in to action and fast paced. an enjoyable read.
Good luck!

You have successfully captured the emotions of the soldiers and captives. I was drawn into your story and I could see the realism of what had transpired. Best of luck with this novel. You have the makings of a good story. Hopefully you have had the time to read December Gold. If not, I would appreciate your comments.
--author of December Gold

Leon, your first chapter is a smooth read. It's obvious you have invested time and research into this enjoyable, historical work.

Happy to back the potential of your story.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

I like books about ancient Rome, so I liked this a lot. Adwen is a sympathetic character because he's been so wronged by the Commander taking over his house and indirectly killing his father. Makes a reader want to see him get revenge and justice. Turns it into a good read. I'm adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

I am pleased to bookshelf this story to get it in front of the readers here. Good solid story telling, Some of the vocab may not push the right buttons. I know you'll keep working on it

F*** YEAH! I read just the long pitch and I knew this was for me. Brilliant, brilliant pitch; either this story rocks or you can just write: perhaps both. Okay, now the downside: your short pitch stinks. Sets you back in a way because you need to sell this story as you do in the long pitch. SHELVED for your brilliant sales work.

I can use your comments on my work when you get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

You present the Romano - British world in such detail yet without being pedantic. The dialogue is natural but informative and the atmosphere throughout one of fascination. There's a wide audience for this type of book. I'm sure yours, so well written and well researched, will be a success. Babked. Lynn

Hello Leon, this is gripping stuff - to think we used to be occupied by these horrible bastards, they were brutal.
You capture the feel of how it must have been to be a Roman soldier, and you seem to get inside the feel of that time period. The storyline is really good and the characters draw the reader in, especially the experiences of the rookie soldier.
The only tip I would give is to do a quick re-edit and take out all those adverbs - you don't need them and they clog up the flow of the story, otherwise this is really good. Chris1

It's well-written and you draw good images of the men, what they're like, etc. I felt you could tighten up the dialogue, as in some spots it seems a little long-winded and a bit artificial, but nothing too-overly distracting. I don't like it when "his appearance became sinister." Show that it became sinister, don't tell us--it's a shortcut to the writing that doesn't do justice to all that you've built up.

But good writing.

Cully

"There was a great deal of commotion there . . ." This construction really weakens your lead-off. Try giving us a description of the commotion, instead.
This is a terrific idea for a book. it's a refreshing change from all the vampire/slasher stuff. With what the Romans accomplished in the way of brutality, we don't need vampires to be afraid. We have human beings.
Backed.
Marianne (Saint Paddy and the Sundial)