Book Jacket

 

rank 1416
word count 34407
date submitted 04.06.2009
date updated 05.05.2012
genres: Historical Fiction
classification: universal
incomplete

Coins of Justice

Leon Ashworth

No gladiators, legions, nor barbarians. Discover how the fleeting presence of the Emperor acts as a catalyst to entwine lives, ambitions, and betrayals.

 

Britain AD 210.

Emperor Severus passes through Bremetennacum without ceremony on a tour to bolster his flagging popularity. He is distributing overdue pay to the military and administrators in the north and while he visits Eburacum (York), two wagons laden with gold and silver coin will stay inside the local fort..

Nothing too extraordinary, one would think, but so many lives will change and non more so than that of Adwen Finval.

He clashes with the fort Commander. The action of being ejected from their home kills his widowed father. So begins Adwen's journey in search of justice.

Conspirators emerge to assassinate the Emperor and come to the attention of the infamous Praetorian Guard.

A bandit gang have the guts for a raid on the fort but Adwen's subtle ruse is more feasible than all-out attack.

This is not a story of just one man, it encompasses the manipulation, lies, murder and adultery amongst those who are swept into the maelstrom.

There are winners and losers but Adwen intends to be a winner with love and riches as his prize.



lindaleonashworth@msn.com

 
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, adventure, conspriracy, opposed love, roman britain, thriller

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Chapter 1

HISTORICAL NOTES

 

Emperor Lucius Septimius Severus came to Britain in A.D.208. He repaired Hadrian’s Wall and invaded Caledonia but without success. The strains of this campaign, however, proved too much for the old Emperor and he died at York (Eburacum) on February 4th, A.D.211

(Ref. Roman Coins and their value – David R. Sears)

 

The fort at Bremetennacum (Ribchester, Lancashire) founded in the first century A.D. was in a very important strategic position, midway between the great Legionary fortresses of York and Chester. (Deva) It was on the line of the main road, which led north to the frontier of the province of Britain, a frontier marked by Hadrian’s Wall

(Ref. Ribchester Museum Trust)

…………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

 

THE COINS OF JUSTICE  

                   

 

ONE

 

The year is A.D. 210 

 

 

On a cruel black night, when even stray dogs abandoned their scavenging, thunder crashed across the heavens and jagged lightening scythed through banks of thick cloud. A bedraggled figure wearing a tatty tunic shivered at the side of a wooden warehouse on the quayside of Bremetennacum harbour. The terrified man known locally as Cethin, cursed his misfortune and wished desperately for the raging storm to send his pursuers to seek shelter. It was a fanciful idea for Roman soldiers acted on orders and the order of the day was to arrest him. Foul weather would not deter the military, for their Commander was outraged and he would lead the hunt for the rebel himself. Cethin scanned the blackened sky for Divine intervention but no Gods looked down on him. He was alone, so very alone. He drew solace that darkness offered him a level of protection from discovery but nothing could alleviate the feeling of absolute terror coursing through his veins. His pulse pounded in his head and his breathing was shallow. He wiped wetness from his eyes; it was not rain but tears for he was on the brink of collapse. How quickly his bravado, fuelled by anger and hatred had deserted him. He wished he could turn back time, and be safe in his farmhouse. Thunder boomed and he clasped his hands against his ears. He was in a living Hades and it was as fearful as he had imagined.

 

  Irrationally his mind told him he must now have reached the edge of the world. It could well be so for beyond the waters of the harbour there was nothing but open sea. Tired and aching with hunger he forced his mind back to reality. The promise of salvation lay before him in the form of a large cargo ship moored at the quay.  He would become a stowaway, a thief stealing food and slinking back into the bowels of the ship like one of the rats that he would surely encounter. Now with enthusiasm for the cause gone, a feeling as empty as his belly challenged him. He shivered again not from cold but from a hollow feeling at the failure of the insurrection. 

 

  Due to sail to Gaul on the early morning tide, the cargo ship swayed gently on sheltered water, and sea mist floated along her deck softening her outline. Unfamiliar sounds of creaking timbers and of ropes, slapping loosely against her mast increased his apprehension.            He bowed his head and took a moment to pray to his Gods to keep him safe and give him the strength to sneak on board when the crew left for the night. 

  His spirits lifted, a lamp at the top of the ship’s gangway flickered yellow light that penetrated the gloom where three men stood talking beneath the swaying lamp.

  Cethin caught sight of the ship’s name but he had never learned to read so did not know that his escape would be aboard the “Falcon”  

  He expected the men would be the first of the crew leaving to spend a last comfortable night in their homes before a voyage of hardship and danger.  Cethin thought of his own home. It would be warm inside the old farmhouse with a fire burning in the hearth. There would be the smell of pinewood filling the air and melting resin would blister and burst as it oozed from the crackling logs. His two children would be safe in their beds and his wife would have hot broth and freshly baked bread on the table. He thought of her distress. She had begged him not to go to the river crossing, but he had reached breaking point and had to make a stand.     

  Rainwater poured onto him from a broken roof gutter and it surged into his mouth. A break in the cloud shafted moonlight onto his tattered clothing and dirty, bleeding limbs. He shook his head in disbelief at his state. 

  The men on the ship shouted above the sound of the storm. Their conversation reached him only in snippets as the swirling wind spirited their words away into the tempestuous night.      

  Weather easing tomorrow...  safe journey....farewell 

  The word “farewell” shattered his hopes. He guessed that the ship would sail in the early hours and no crew would leave. Disappointment stabbed him in the chest and he felt sick.  

  Would his suffering never end?  It would if the soldiers caught him: permanently!       

  

  Dejected he flopped back into the shadows and pounded his head against the warehouse wall in frustration. Coldness robbed him of his sense of feel and he did not know that the rain-filled puddle in which he stood covered his sandals. His heavy eyes followed two cloaked figures hurrying off the gangway. Once on the quayside they turned intending to wave to the lone sailor but he had already dowsed his lamp and gone below deck.  

  Now Cethin could not expect to reach the ship’s hold without discovery and panic hit him. His mind raced. If I do nothing I will be captured. He had to speak to the approaching men but it meant taking a huge risk. They could hand him over to the Romans but he had no choice - escape or die.

 

  A wave of dizziness swept over him; his body was shutting down. Steadying himself, he drew a long cold breath that scratched his dry throat. He edged closer to the corner of the building. His heart hammered so hard in his chest it pained him, and unremitting rain fell onto his chapped lips. As the men came closer, he noticed the taller, younger man was the better dressed. His tailored britches and the cut of his cloak, with its shiny clasp, were indications of wealth. The companion wore hardwearing britches with wide bottoms flapping above his ankles and a tatty cloak lay awkwardly around his broad shoulders. Perhaps the young man is a merchant, but is he a Roman sympathiser?

 Cethin watched the two men skirting around potholes as they dashed towards the warehouse door and in the distance thunder rumbled like a mountain breaking apart. He braced himself to speak. 

  ‘Will you help me?’ His plea so tentative it barely left his lips.

  As he moved from the side of the building out into the open a flash of lightening split the darkness and for a moment it was as bright as day. He closed his eyes certain a Roman javelin would burst through the rain and fell him, but he felt no pain and heard no shouts of alarm. Despite the odds, he was still alive. He summoned what strength he had and called out.

  I need your help.’ He had committed himself to speak. No way back now.

  The men turned and peered in his direction, eventually focusing on his swaying silhouette.

 

  ‘Come out where we can see you.’ Adwen, the son of a prominent ship owner, Dugald Finval spoke authoritatively. He expected to see a drunken sailor unable to reach his ship or even a prostitute sheltering from the storm before trawling the quayside for custom. A dishevelled almost ghostlike figure shuffled towards them and as he came closer, Adwen could see his desperate state. His flimsy tunic, no longer drawn up to the knee by a belt, hung down and was wet, filthy, and torn. His gaunt face completed the sorry picture of a defeated man.

   Please don’t let the soldiers take me,,, they will kill me,,, please I beg you.’

  His strength of voice diminished and his words faltered. It took a mammoth effort to hold on to consciousness and through glazed eyes Cethin believed he saw compassion in the young man’s face. Could it be that he was finally out of harm's way? At that moment, his resistance flowed from him like blood from a deep wound. His jaw dropped open yet he was powerless to utter a further plea. He did not want to die and Adwen saw that in his eyes.  

  Who are you?’

  ‘I am Cethin, a farmer from the outskirts of Bremetennacum.’

  Saying the words hurt him so much, for he knew he would never see his farm or his family again. If he escaped he would be banished to a distant land, but if not he would die a fearful death at the hands of the Romans. Either way it would be the end for Cethin the farmer from the outskirts of Bremetennacum.   

 

  Adwen saw no threat from the pitiable man, unlike many of the unsavoury characters that frequented the harbour.

   Come inside and tell us what has happened to you.’ Adwen placed his hand on the man’s shoulder causing him to wince with pain. In his swim for freedom, he had been tossed against rocks by the strong current of the river. He had pain everywhere but now Adwen’s touch focused the discomfort on his shoulder and he supported his arm at the elbow. 

 

  Entering the dimly lit warehouse he looked around and saw ropes, pulleys, sails and all manner of tackle for the five ships in the Finval fleet. Cethin felt warmth wrapping around him and took in the sweet smell of new timber.  For the first time in many days, he allowed a glimmer of hope to enter his mind.

  As the door closed, flames of two, old and discoloured oil lamps flickered and settled. The storm continued to attack the building, rattling roof tiles and forcing wind through gaps between the wallboards.  Instinctively Cethin scanned the building for a hiding place. If they will not allow me onto the ship, perhaps they will let me stay the night in the warehouse.  The two men threw their wet cloaks on top of a crate and the three then sat close together on empty storage boxes.  Cethin looked at the companion who had not yet spoken. He saw a strong and stocky, olive-skinned man with a mass of black, curly hair that dripped with rain. He wore a sleeveless tunic with slipshod embroidery along its square neckline, and he looked more like a farmer than a seafarer. From under the dripping mop of hair, Garad scanned the fugitive with empathy. In his escape from Gaul, he too had run the gauntlet of Roman patrols, but he possessed skills Cethin lacked. He could live off the land and had the boldness to help himself to the contents of pantries in unlocked farmhouses. It had pricked his conscience just a little, but survival meant breaking the rules.  

 

   ‘I must to get away. Im too tired to run anymore and your ship is my only chance

  Cethin did not make eye contact, He let go of his elbow and placed his head in his hands sighing heavily. His soaking-wet grey hair was thin and revealed his scalp and a bald patch at the back of his head. Adwen guessed him to be in his late forties and an unlikely man to be on the run.

  ‘Look. If we’re to help you we must know what it is you’ve done.’ 

  Cethin was in serious trouble and needed help, but it was true that trouble had a nasty habit of sweeping others into its path. Trouble following trouble. Adwen had much to lose if he crossed the Romans, for shipping contracts were hard to come by. 

Still with his head bowed Cethin drew a long breath. The intake of air caught the back of his dry throat and he coughed. A moment later, he blurted out his explanation.

  You have to understand that we were desperate, I mean we were driven to it by those thieving bastards.’

  ‘Slow down, who are the thieves? And what were you driven to?

  Cethin wiped rain from his face and took a moment to recover his composure. He shuffled into a more comfortable position on the crate, letting his skinny legs dangle.

  ‘The soldiers when out on patrol come to our farms and help themselves to our food supplies.’ He thumped the side of the crate in anger. ‘It has been happening for months.’

  Garad stood and fetched his day bag from a table and handed Cethin a partly eaten flatbread and a small piece of cheese, which the starving man ate with the ferocity of a wild animal.

  ‘This all we ‘av, but you get more food on ship’ Garad’s thick Gaul accent took the man by surprise.

  Adwen screwed his face and glared at Garad for he had virtually promised Cethin passage on the ship.  Garad responded a Gallic shrug of the shoulders.

  ‘The man, he is starving and if Romans get him he will be dead.’

   ‘He is right.’ Cethin insisted. ‘Please don’t turn me out. I beg you.’    

   ‘Continue with your story so I know what I am letting myself in for.’ Adwen knew Garad was right to want to help, but until he had the full picture, he remained apprehensive. If this was simply a squabble between Cethin and a couple of legionaries there would be no need to ship him off to Gaul – no need to be involved. It was not that simple as Cethin explained.   

   ‘I persuaded two of my neighbours that it was time to fight back. When the light was fading, we went to the river crossing. The guards are only at the bridge during the day collecting tolls from travellers, so we thought we would be safe after they left.’

  Cethin’s eyes filled with tears and he shook his head dejectedly thinking of his friends imprisoned at the fort. Their degradation, torture, and fear made him heave dryly.

  ‘We began cutting through ropes that held the crossings planks in place. We wanted to create a weak spot that would give way when a freight wagon passed over, but we were discovered.’

  ‘I thought you waited for the guards to leave?’ Adwen queried.

  ‘It wasn’t the guards that found us, it was a cavalry patrol returning to the fort, and they were on us before we realised. I jumped into the river and swam to the opposite bank but my friends were captured.’

  ‘The others, where are they? 

  They were dragged away to the fort. Commander Cimarus will kill them. I know he will. He is evil.’

  Adwen blew out his cheeks and shook his head from side to side nervously. He knew Cimarus would stop at nothing to punish those who dared usurp his authority. Every moment Cethin was in the warehouse, they were sinking into quicksand. He nodded to Garad to move away out of Cethin’s earshot.

  ‘This is a bloody mess. If Cimarus finds us helping this man he will ruin us.’

 

  ‘He no find the man if we take him to the ship. There is so many places he can hide, eh?

Garad’s nonchalance skimmed over the reality. Cethin would be on board the “Falcon” for several hours. Long enough for Cimarus to prevent the ship from leaving if thought the fugitive was onboard. He could take the vessel to pieces if he wished and Adwen would be powerless to stop him. 

  Cethin trembled and held his head in his hands, and sobbed. He sensed from the gesturing and whispering that the two men were having second thoughts about helping him. He decided 

 if they turn their backs on him, he would give himself up. At least the cowardly feeling of abandoning his friends would stop.

  Cethin’s plight was typical of Roman tyranny, yet the success of the shipping business was due entirely to the Romans. 

  ‘What a bloody mess’ Adwen repeated. ‘If I get caught my father will lose the business. If I do nothing I am sentencing Cethin to death.

  Garad waited.  He dropped the decision making firmly into Adwen’s lap, but had no doubts in his own mind. Although it was not his business that would suffer, it would be his back that took a lashing if he was caught helping the fugitive.

  ‘Time is passing. You is needing to decide if you help. Do I take him to “Falcon”?

  Adwen thought for several minutes until Garad prompted him.

  ‘Two men is probably going to die. We have chance to stop it being three eh?        

  ‘You are right Garad. What is a shipping contract worth compared to a man’s life?

Adwen moved back to Cethin and put his arm around his shoulder.

  I cannot help your friends, but I can get you away to Gaul on my ship. The words brought a huge sigh from Cethin and the beginnings of a grateful smile formed on his lips.

  Adwen untied his leather purse from his belt and pressed it into Cethin’s bony, wet hand.

  ‘It’s not much money but it will buy you food in Gaul for a little while.’

  Garad added the coins from his purse and smiled supportively.

 

  Adwen felt satisfied that conscience had won. It had not left him feeling jubilant, but quite the opposite and a sense of foreboding tiptoed into his brain.

   We must go aboard now. Keep faith that your God goes with you. I‘ll tell the captain to take you to Gaul.’.... and out of my life forever!!!

  ‘Thank you. You’ve saved me and I won’t ever forget your kindness.’ Cethin spoke so joyfully he did not consider how he would live and work in a land he knew of only from stories.

   ‘Can I ask one more favour of you? After the ship has sailed would you go to my wife and tell her I am safe and that one day I will find a way to return to her and my children.’ 

  Adwen agreed and opened the warehouse door gingerly to peer into the horrid night. Rain-filled wind blew into the young man’s face sending locks of his long, light-brown hair flicking across his eyes.  Clearing his view, he looked out towards the ship and cringed at the sight of Roman soldiers swarming all over the vessel. Shit. Trouble following trouble.

  He recoiled and hastily turned a large, iron key in the lock.Hide him Garad there’s a search party on the “Falcon” They will have seen our lamplight and are bound to come here.’ 

  Garad grabbed Cethin by the arm and dragged him to the back of the warehouse where a large sail lay stretched across dusty boxes and crates.

  ‘On to top of sail, quick.’ 

  Garad moved assuredly. His mind flashed back to his own escape. Calmness under pressure was the key to success.  He drew a deep breath and began work. He wrapped Cethin into the sail and tucked in the edges to form a neat parcel. With casual strength, the muscular man lifted the bundle off the boxes and placed it on the floor alongside a stack of deck timbers.

  ‘Stay still and silent.’ He ordered. ‘You must to be strong or we is all dead men.’

  Inside the coarse fabric of the sail, Cethin closed his eyes tightly and breathed slowly. There would only be enough airflow for a short time and he must not squander that precious commodity. In a few moments, Roman soldiers would be standing close to him and perhaps a hobnail boot would kick at the bundle. He managed to place one hand across his nose and teeth, his other hand covered his manhood. He lay still, bracing himself to take such a kick in silence. He would not let his new friends down.   

  Adwen ignored a pounding at the door. He waited anxiously watching the latch lifting and falling repeatedly and hoping the lock would hold firm.

Garad rushed to sit next to Adwen who had hurriedly found a manifest and spread it on top of a crate. They stared at the document as though checking a future shipment. A couple of hefty kicks to the door followed, it yielded and at that same moment, in strode Commander Cimarus.

  ‘Search the building.’ Soldiers pouring in through the broken door acted on his order and scurried about the warehouse like hounds hot on the trail.

 

  Cimarus looked around. His instincts telling him he was close to his prey.

His men poked and prodded at piles of heavy ropes and searched around crates, boxes, and stacks of timbers. A startled rat jumped onto an empty amphora that toppled to the ground and smashed. Three soldiers thought they had their man and rushed to the shards of clay. A squeal came from the rat as a lance pinned it to a wooden crate, but there was no fugitive. Nearby, a rolled-up sail received a casual prod from the butt of a lance yet his men found nothing.

   Cethin could hear the sound of approaching footsteps. It had to be Cimarus searching for a movement, a smell, a sound, but the dimness hampered the Commander’s search and Cethin held his breath.

  Pieces of grit crackled under the Commander’s boots. That sound came ever nearer and Cethin felt faint with fear but then mercifully, a grit-crunching swivel of the Commander’s boots took him away.

  ‘Pass me a lamp.’ 

  A legionary moved watchfully to his Commander shielding the lamp’s dancing flame with his hand. Cimarus took it and resumed his scrutiny. He walked unhurriedly past a crate then to a stack of ropes where he bent in close listening for a clue to his fugitive’s hiding place. Again, Cethin heard grit crunching and his racing heartbeat told him Cimarus was close by.  No sound came from the rolled sail and the Commander walked on. The hidden man let out breath silently from his aching lungs. Swathed in his cocoon he could not hear the conversation between Adwen and the Commander at the far end of the warehouse. He bit on his lip knowing his life was in the hands of a stranger. He prayed silently. 

  Adwen’s eyes followed the Commander and the muscles in his body tightened involuntarily. I feel guilty. Relax, he knows nothing.  He feigned surprise and called out. 

 ‘What do you want?’

  He and Garad stood and the manifest rolled up into a scroll and toppled from the crate.

  Cimarus sauntered to stand in front of Adwen breathing warm, tainted breath into his face. He was the epitome of a Roman officer with his aura of strength, ruthlessness, and superiority. He and his men exuded a distinctive smell. A combination of sweat, leather, metal, and horses. With twenty men in the warehouse, that unpleasant odour overwhelmed the fragrance of newly cut timber.

  The two men were similar in height, both being about six feet tall, and now their eyes were fixed in a combative stare. Adwen’s soft blue gaze and lightly bronzed face belied his strength and determination. Cimarus glared out of steel-grey, insensitive eyes, set deep into his weathered face. 

  ‘I am looking for a criminal but you know that.’ Cimarus was convinced Adwen knew of his fugitive. The harbour remained the last place in the search and if the man had not drowned in the river, he had to be there. Cimarus watched Adwen for a giveaway sign.- Nothing.  

  ‘There is no criminal here just me and my gangmaster in my warehouse. A warehouse with a smashed door.

  Adwen gambled on forcefulness and it worked. Cimarus stepped back but to Adwen’s horror, the Commander’s lamp shed light on three wet stains on the warehouse floor.

  ‘What about the door?’ Adwen repeated in the hope of distracting Cimarus from the give-away sign of a third person.

  ‘You! Go to the fort and bring the carpenter to repair the door.’

The chosen legionary saluted, left, and edged his way through the shattered door.

Cimarus moved away and placed the lamp on top of a crate. The three stains disappeared unnoticed into the darkness and Adwen sighed with relief. 

  I know you Finval and I don’t trust you.’ The Commander’s face wrinkled and he pointed an accusing finger in Adwen’s direction.

  The two men had argued in the past about the cost of shipping military supplies from Gaul but that was commerce and was unlikely to have created such mistrust of Adwen. Clearly, the attempted sabotage and the escape of the third conspirator had Cimarus disproportionately incensed.

  ‘Look here Commander. I have no idea what all this fuss is about.’

  ‘Fuss? This is not fuss it’s an outrage. Peasants, filthy peasants have attempted to sabotage my river crossing. I have two of the bastards but one escaped, and by the Gods I will have him too.’ 

  The Commander spun around and moved to stand before Garad. He recognised his facial features and style of dress to be foreign.

  ‘You are not from here. What’s your name?’ He scrutinised Garad and noticed his trousers were styled on the bracco of Gaul. They were made of course hemp with green and blue stripes that had faded to be hardly noticeable.   

  I am Garad Messon from Gaul, but long time now I live here.’

  Cimarus bent forward and whispered something in Garad’s own language that he learned during a tour of duty in Gaul, and then rocked back laughing.

  Garad’s face toughened. ‘Our women are no whores. It’s you bastards that force them.’

  He moved forward and squared up to the Commander with his eyes bulging and his muscles tensing. Visions of his past returned and he wanted desperately to grab Cimarus by the throat and strangle him.

  ‘Back off or you will feel my sword blade in your guts.’

  Cimarus drew his sword from its sheath, making a grating sound as its deadly edge appeared.

   Adwen’s eyes widened. Don’t taunt him. He looked around for something with which to hit Cimarus, for he was certain he would attack his friend. His hands settled on the neck of a clay wine amphora and he took a firm grip.

  Much to Adwen’s relief Garad had the good sense to back away and Cimarus sheathed his sword. The Commander enjoyed goading the man from Gaul but promptly returned to his quest.  

  ‘If I find you are protecting the pig I am hunting I will personally flog you both until your skin peels from your backs.’ From Cimarus that was no idle threat.

 He signalled to his men to leave the warehouse. The fugitive lay still, his throat was dry and his lungs desperate for fresh air. Finally, the sound of clanking swords and the scuffing of hobnail boots retreated into the night.

  Outside, Cimarus posted six men at various points in the shadows. They saw nothing suspicious only Adwen and Garad carrying a spare sail to the “Falcon 

     

 

 

Chapters

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Ann Campbell wrote 95 days ago

Hi, Leon.
This is the kind of serious hist.fict. I like, to read and to write. Just read through Chapter 3 of "Coins of Justice". I plan to do a more thorough review when I've read more. So far, great descriptions of a cold,wet, country through the eyes of Mediterranean troops, and of conflicts between Roman occupation forces and native Britons. It looks as if you've done a lot of research and incorporated it skilfully. I found some passages hard to read because of the large gaps of white space between paragraphs--it made for gaps in the narrative, which is otherwise fast-moving and exciting. Anne: "Polly" ("Feast of Heretics", being revised).

writingbear wrote 96 days ago

Leon,

I liked your book COINS OF JUSTICE, so much, I backed it. Please take a look at my novels, for your possible backing. Your help will be appreciated.

Dwain-Thomas

C.S. McClellan wrote 97 days ago

You have a good story here, with generally excellent descriptions, but I get the impression that you haven't worked on it in a long time. In the first chapter, I noticed you misspelled divine. Other than that, punctuation seems to be a problem for you. Words are also dropped out here and there. Vocabulary needs work, as in "barged him out, in Chapter two, and you have a tendency to belabor the obvious, as in "still looking intimidating and aggressive."

As a newcomer to Autonomy, I've already found that an interesting profile and participation on the site will help get attention for your work.

Swisscheese wrote 338 days ago

Hello Leon,

As already noted you do a great job at describing the environment, so much so that I could visualize the surroundings in greater detail. Besides your engaging plot, I also felt compelled to read more based only on the vivid detail. My only suggestion is to scan the book for minor typos.

David Joyce
The Irish Throne

Raymond Terry wrote 345 days ago

There is no chapter 11. Twelve is here twice.

No other nits. I think this is the beginning of a wonderful story about Romanized Britain that could go far. Adwen is interesting as is his budding feelings for Oren, and the animosity he holds for Cimarus will no doubt prove catalytic.

What is here is well written. RT

markwoodburn wrote 349 days ago

This is a pretty thorough romp through Roman times done with finesse. Probably should be higher up the rankings. There is a lot competition in the market for Roman sagas including sleuths like Falco by Lindsey Davis but this just might fill a gap. Starred, regards, Mark

Nathan Maki wrote 413 days ago

Hi Leon,

This first chapter has pulled me in right from the get-go. You're descriptions are economical but effective, using the spare amount of words to still paint a perfect picture without slowing down the story. I thought your description of the miserable fugitive standing in the rain was particularly well done, and the way you weave the character descriptions into the storyline is enviable.

I do have a few comments, if you'd like. We're all trying to edit and rewrite on here, so I find it particularly helpful when people give me detailed critiques on my book. Hopefully these will help.

In pitch, Britain is misspelled. Tyranny is missing an "n".

Should be "ship-owning father" (hyphen is used to join two words into an adjective.) This is needed in other places as well, like when you say the "rain-soaked man in the first chapter, etc.

I felt like the pitch gave just a little too much of the plot away without allowing it to unfold in the story.

I'd suggest putting the historical note at the end, rather than the beginning. It's just personal preference, but it seems to move right into the story instead of slowing it down.


"And he was unable to feel that a puddle in which he stood had covered his sandals..." This is a little bit of an awkward construction, consider rewording for clarity.

"Devestated that he would not be able to reach the ship's hold without discovery, panic hit him. (no semicolon because they're not two stand-alone sentences.)

I was a little surprised when the men all of a sudden went from walking along to dashing toward the warehouse.

Your point of view is a little bit problematic in chapter 1. You go from the fugitive to Adwen and then very quickly back to the hunted man.

Suggested reword: "He wore a sleeveless jacket of brown leather over a thick woolen shirt..."

His order (was) acted on immediately by the soldiers pouring in..."

Just a few things that I noticed as I was reading. But overall, this is an intriguing first chapter, you show instead of telling (using the farmer to show how the Romans are exploiting the people is much more effective than simply saying, 'The Romans had been robbing people's farms and kill all who opposed them." It creates immediate tension and moves the plot along nicely. Very well written. I'm giving this full stars and putting it on my WL for rotation to my bookshelf asap.

If you have a chance to read and critique some of my book "A War Within" which is actually set just before yours in 196 AD (and also features Severus as he comes to power) I'd greatly appreciate it. I'm interested to see how your portrayal of that emperor compares with mine and welcome your thoughts on the period.

Best wishes for all success,

Nathan Maki - A War Within

petrovitch wrote 454 days ago

hiya. this has atmosphere. i browsed and found your work.
i like anything of the roman era. i realise mine lacks some description when i read yours
fortunately our books are centuries apart.. but i like your style

peter, command. centurion

writingbear wrote 524 days ago

Leon,
I backed your book COINS OF JUSTICE. Please take a look at either one or both of my novels, DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS or MY GENTLEMAN FRIEND. If you like what you see, I hope you'll back either one of them or possible both. Thank you!

Dwain-Thomas

B A Morton wrote 532 days ago

Enticing pitch and first chapter. To combine a fast paced thriller with this period of history is a master stroke, and I really hope that you do well with this. On my W/L Good luck
Babs

shornexe wrote 611 days ago

Leon, I like a historical thriller. I've read chapter one and you do a good job of setting up the scene and dropping the reader right into the action. It does need some editing though (but what work on here doesn't?), for example the paragraph starting 'A dishevelled ...' - too many 'looked' close together and I'm assuming 'showed' is a typo / meaning error. (his arms showed dirty) Minor points. Backed.
Shaun
The Six Acts

Eunice Attwood wrote 617 days ago

I have a great deal of respect for authors such as yourself. The amount of research must take a great deal of time, and you have done such a wondeful job of creating this magnificent work for the world to enjoy. It is a very powerful story, compelling and engaging. I wish you well and back your book with much pleasure. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

Francene Stanley wrote 618 days ago

I like the way you slip in and out of each person's pov. Omniscient is hard to achieve.

From what i've read in your first chapter, I note that you need some editing. Missing punctuation, lack of caps when starting a sentence etc. But the writing is good, and the plot set for a good story.

Well done.!

Francene. Still Rock Water.

CarolinaAl wrote 624 days ago

Fantastic work. A potent historical adventure. True-to-life characters. Vivid dialogue that evokes the era. Perceptive period narrative. Well imagined settings. Poignant scenes. Excellent pacing Compelling twists. Superb writing that engages the reader's intellect as well as emotions. An immensely enjoyable read. Backed.

Adelina Geisler wrote 639 days ago

COINS OF JUSTICE
Hi Leon, A compelling read, with strong characters (I found them so, anyway, though have read some comments to the contrary below). I agree with some in that there is room to make more of the historical setting - but on the other hand, I believe that readers can often conjure up their own image with the use of only a few words eg "flames of two oil lamps flickering" instantly gives me a picture of an old interior, and we already know it's a ships's warehouse. So I'd only add some - not too much. Personally I'm not in favour of over-long descriptive passages which are easy to skip through. I would like to read more of this and will put on my WL but backed on the strength of what I have read so far. Would very much appreciate it if you could have a look at my book.
Best wishes,
Adelina
A Distant Family

Ann Mynard wrote 640 days ago

Leon,
This is indeed a thriller, fast paced and engaging. You've set the story against a well researched background to make it convincing, too.
You may have time to read Windshadow, also telling of sailing a boat. Meantime, I'm certainly backing this well-written book.
Ann Mynard (Windshadow)

paperbat wrote 640 days ago

Leon. Not sure if my last comment got to you, so sending again.
Your novel [Coins of Justice - which is aptly titled], is set in an interesting time of Britain's history, when it was in flux. And thus offers an exciting setting as a background. Being a history teacher, I can bring this into my thoughts as I read it. I wonder whether you could highlight this more in your background story to make the storyline more punchy. Anyway, end of lesson - apologies. Bye the way, I love the book and characters. BACKED for sure.

I would appreciate if you could look at my short childrens' story ; Paperbats.
Thanks. Jerry [paperbat]

Frank James wrote 640 days ago

To Leon Ashworth (Coins of Justice)

Great piece of writing and anything to do with the Roman occupation of Britain draws interest. I reckon this book will pull in a good audience. I'm giving your book BACKING and a bit of time on my shelf.

Frank James (The Contractor)

paperbat wrote 643 days ago

Leon. You obviously did some solid reseach which allows you to describe the era well. My only suggerstion is to take just as much time refining your central characters. However, it is excellent [the 3 chapters I read at least!]. I am backing it.
Appreciate any comments/backing on my childrens story ; Paperbats Adventure.
Jerry - paperbat

leon ashworth wrote 646 days ago
Romilla wrote 650 days ago

LEON ASHWORTH: COINS OF JUSTICE

Dear Leon,

This is a lovely historical read, detailed and very emotional judging from the second chapter. You have put in a lot of research into this story and the recreation of the scenes is wonderful although I think you can still put in more scenic depictions and physical descriptions as with capturing the manner of a Roman engaging a conversation or by describing the housing and buildings a little more intensively eg. highlighting the kind of pottery and vases that typified their life etc – all that sets the scenes more believable to the reader.

I was taken aback by the manner in which these poor people were rounded off and then left in the mercy of the soldiers as depicted in Chapter Two; you described enough to solicit my response and it was moving.

There are minor typos, errors in sentence construction and some minor issues but all this can be ironed out eventually over time.

e.g. “Blood spurted from a gash across the man’s eyebrow, fell to the ground moaning and clutching his face.” (Chapter TWO)

I found several others but I am sure you will be able to make those changes – sometimes getting back to a read a couple of days later, makes the errors visible to the human eye. However, you state this is your first draft, so the real edits should begin now.

Shelved and backed! An insightful read!

Romilla
Forgetting Sally

Joanna Carter wrote 654 days ago

I loved the way you managed to bring the period alive. I wish you every success with this and am very happy to place it on my shelf.
Joanna Carter
Fossil Farm

scorselo wrote 659 days ago

Very smooth well crafted writing obvious that you did your research.
Strong writing is always Backed
Well done
Sincerely wish you the best with this.
Scorselo-the Communicator

eurodan49 wrote 668 days ago

Fun reading. Something I enjoyed.
Interesting, well told piece of historical writing. Great narration, live characters and realistic dialogue.
You’ve got my vote.

name falied moderation wrote 670 days ago

Dear Leon
I do not remember this book cover
I have a passion for book covers
some say that it is not important
however when in a book store and you dont know thousands of authors
what is the thing that attracts?
the book cover. yours is great.
I have already commented and backed your book a while ago, but cannot see the backing anywhere. So i am taking the time to back it again because I believe your book is WORTH IT

BEST OF LUCK
Denise

Andrew Burans wrote 671 days ago

You have captured well the essence of the historical time period. Your adventure thriller is loaded with taught and gripping action and your story is well researched. The book is character rich, I do like how you develope Adwen, and your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

mindrose wrote 672 days ago

I'm enjoying this, and am happy to BACK it on the strength of the 3 random chapters I've skimmed. However I do suggest you browse a book on punctuation, specifically on the use and mis-use of commas; there's nothing wrong with a judicious sprinkling of semi-colons to break up your often long and rambling sentences. The dialogue is often unnatural. Don't be afraid to use contractions: and just because it's a historical novel there's no reason to make everyone speak in complete articulated sentences, even the VIPs.
Your research is impressive, but there's no need to show every detail; we can see you know your stuff, and don't need to have it all spread out as if it would be wasted otherwise.
But the story is gripping, I like the characters, there's lots going on, and it's really colourful. Definitely backed, and I'm hoping to make some time to read more of it.

NitraBoy wrote 679 days ago

Great descriptive language, setting the scene with style and originality. backed.

Eveleen wrote 706 days ago

Larry Harry again, it's Gold and Horses.

Eveleen wrote 706 days ago

It's an intriguing story, but needs some editing (so is mine), backed. Larry Harry ( Gold and Horese )

Wilma1 wrote 706 days ago

An interseting pitch and a good subject Roam Hisory at its best rape and pillage. You story moves quickly but I did feel it jarred in places. Early in chapter one you write - With no unawareness that the puddle in which he stood covered his toes. - He was unaware the puddle he stood in covered his toes - is much sharper. and is there such a word as Unawareness, you can be unaware but can you be unawareness? With a bit of a tidy up this could be realy good.

Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley

Su Dan wrote 708 days ago

a very interesting book; some say Severus was the black Emperor of Britain...fascinating stuff...watchlist...
read SEASONS...

Hypo99 wrote 712 days ago

Hi Leon

I stumbled upon this via your pitch. I love the way you write and I think you have talent. This will indeed, shoot up the rankings. Good luck with this, I know that this will do more than well.

BACKED

I hope you get the chance to take a little peek inside The Russian Hat

Sincerley
Brendan

lbrammer1992 wrote 715 days ago

This is a work of pure brilliance which describes the time period well giving the reader a good insight. Your style is flamboyant but not overtly so which gives a good balance to your writing. The story is intriguing with believable characters and a good plot line. Backed. Could you have a look at my manuscript The Sacred Pool.

Laurence

scargirl wrote 715 days ago

i also like well-wrtten historical fiction. i will back this. my genre currently is different, but you might find it interesting...
j

SusieGulick wrote 716 days ago

Dear Leon, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." :) Thanks so very much. :) Since I have already "backed" your book, I will put your book on my "watchlist." Could you please take a moment to "back" my completed unedited memoir version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which at the end tells of my illness now & 6th abusive marriage. I'd be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :)
authonomy quotes: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs.
When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy

SusieGulick wrote 719 days ago

Dear Leon, I love that you recount this part of history, so long ago - the documentation before chapter 1 ever started - that was surreal. :) Also, before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your pitch, which was very well done - totally excellent! :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book. :) "When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
additional authonomy quote: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs." :)
backed :)
Love, Susie :)

eloraine wrote 728 days ago

Hooked, just the kind of book I love, I know you will do well here. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

homewriter wrote 728 days ago

I like the style and the fact that the reader feels as if he is there,too, in Roman Britain. Excellent. Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

A Knight wrote 743 days ago

Wonderful. Setting means this is vaguely reminiscent of Lindsey Davies' work, but the similarities end when you take us on a wonderful trip. Your characters are intense and your characters well constructed. Olga makes some good points below, and I look forward to seeing this in print, one day.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

olga wrote 744 days ago

Hi

This story unfolds well. Great characterisations. You capture the reader's interest from the first paragraph. Well done. I think this could do with an edit to make it shine. Some nits are below...
'We could have use for a man like this.' POV change. It's intrusive. Much stronger to keep scene with fugitive.
'Adwen felt decidedly uncomfortable...' POV change. As above.
Also, the mention of fear is too much and words like shock brutatility, horror, etc before the prisoners have been dealt with lessens the impact of the whipping when it happens. It prepares the reader for horrors which don't eventuate. The reader expects from the build up cutting off of limbs, entrails hanging out, etc which does not happen. Sure the characters will be scared but look at your choice of words and save the most descriptive for during the event.
I hope this helps. You have a great story here.
Shelved.
Cheers Olga

elaine black wrote 748 days ago

It's great to have Roman stories with plenty of action and adventure. I hope to read more soon. Backed
Christine Elaine Black
MAXIMUS

scottkenny wrote 750 days ago

Great first page Leon. I feel the urge to grab my sword and join the rebellion. Two thousand years too late. (Fortunately). Lots of gripping action and straightforward good guys/bad guys make this an enjoyable read. Backed, Scott.

Billiegirl wrote 751 days ago

Smack bang in to action and fast paced. an enjoyable read.
Good luck!

Ron Mitchell wrote 776 days ago

You have successfully captured the emotions of the soldiers and captives. I was drawn into your story and I could see the realism of what had transpired. Best of luck with this novel. You have the makings of a good story. Hopefully you have had the time to read December Gold. If not, I would appreciate your comments.
--author of December Gold

lionel25 wrote 777 days ago

Leon, your first chapter is a smooth read. It's obvious you have invested time and research into this enjoyable, historical work.

Happy to back the potential of your story.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Burgio wrote 783 days ago

I like books about ancient Rome, so I liked this a lot. Adwen is a sympathetic character because he's been so wronged by the Commander taking over his house and indirectly killing his father. Makes a reader want to see him get revenge and justice. Turns it into a good read. I'm adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

holdril wrote 786 days ago

I am pleased to bookshelf this story to get it in front of the readers here. Good solid story telling, Some of the vocab may not push the right buttons. I know you'll keep working on it

soutexmex wrote 788 days ago

F*** YEAH! I read just the long pitch and I knew this was for me. Brilliant, brilliant pitch; either this story rocks or you can just write: perhaps both. Okay, now the downside: your short pitch stinks. Sets you back in a way because you need to sell this story as you do in the long pitch. SHELVED for your brilliant sales work.

I can use your comments on my work when you get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

lynn clayton wrote 789 days ago

You present the Romano - British world in such detail yet without being pedantic. The dialogue is natural but informative and the atmosphere throughout one of fascination. There's a wide audience for this type of book. I'm sure yours, so well written and well researched, will be a success. Babked. Lynn

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