The Last Clan Chief

Bloody English. Treacherous clan leaders. Good yarn.

Great story, real polished writing I'll rate with three stars.
Daniel Manning
No Compatibility.

hi
you have the makings of a really good story here. it could do with a bit of an edit but im surprised it isnt on more bookshelves. fans of the historical genre will lap it up. perhaps you need to push it a bit more.
shelved for a space

Judith (Peaceweaver) (The Forest Dwellers)

hi patrick, this is not normally the sort of book that i would pick but i really enjoyed this,your descriptions are so vivid and immediate. the bit with the seals really hooked me in, i've shelved it and will be reading the rest later.
lillibellx

Sometimes, it's a delight just to trawl Authonomy for books that I would actually pick up in a real bookshop. This one attracted me instantly. I'm a sucker for Scottish history and, though I've not yet visited Colonsay, I've spent many happy hours on Mull and, especially, Iona.

Well, I can happily say that this did not disappoint in the slightest. A real feel for the place and the time. Some beautiful touches - you summed up the reasoning behind the fosterage system brilliantly, and I really liked the way you got seal lore in there, and the belief - justified, I feel - that seals will protect vulnerable humans when necessary. I'm not sure that a Scottish child of the time would use the word 'Hi', but in all other regards I thought this was absolutely terrific. One I would definitely want to read from cover to cover.

Shelved, without hesitation.

Simon

I just adore this. The writing is magnificent and the story extraordinarily gripping. You must have had to do masses of research, but the lightness of your touch ensures that the reader doesn't feel any of the burden of that.

Thank you very much.

And best of luck.

Charles

Great opening! Shelved and reading on..

Bill

LAST CLAN CHIEF (Patrick Scot Mahaffey)
The writing is competent, the story is exciting and the pace is excellent. I agree wholheartedly with MMB that this is splendidly contrived and told, and should meet with success. He is experienced in his comments and his advice should be heeded.
Has been on my shelf for a few days already.
mch
http://mclementhall,com

What a hugely enjoyable start. I know nothing of the man or his history which, in many ways, is probably for the best as I can read it and enjoy it as pure fiction. You have an easy reading style - it flows well (although check your tenses as they go a bit astray at times) and your dialogue is good. I did ponder about the switches of perspective and think I might have liked this even more if it was all in Malcolm's POV. Also beware of telling too much backstory upfront - we can find out the whys and wherefores as the tale progresses.
But overall, I like this very much indeed and think you have evoked the period with panache. I'm a sucker for all that wild wild and rain lashing, witches branding and curses and so on - as are a heck of a lot of people.
All best, Jane

The Last Clan Chief

Hi Patrick, Wow, what an opening, what a great scene you paint, straight into the period but more importantly amongst the towering and charismatic characters you have created. Brilliantly written, completely enjoyable, I would read more if there was time, if this does not get published then there is little hope for the rest of us - Andrew W.

You set us in the period you write of with such ease, simply by your fine writing, the atmosphere you create and the compelling imagery. This is historical fiction that deserves to be read and do well. I can only imagine more of this beautiful writing is to come and I look forward to reading it.
I have to agree that smaller chapters would improve things but what a shallow flaw which has nothing to do with my pleasure in shelving it. Margaret.
Candles in the Garden &
The Spirit of the Butterfly.

Patrick, this is simply fantastic. You invoke the period well, as well as setting, rivalries and relationships. For me, historical fiction is so akin to fantasy, I read a LOT of the genre, and this doesn't disappoint.

I have no trouble backing this, but would suggest you break up your one long upload into smaller portions. Easier to read.

Decidedly shelved, and all the best!

Elaina
(House of Valla)

Hi,
This is stunning.
Beautifully written with excellent characterisations and dialogue.
The story is just, well, superlative.
Love to read more.
It strikes me that it is three chapters long and could do with breaking up a trifle.
I think the first patagraph needs editing as it does not characterise your writing.
Don't use words like 'that' and' had' or 'slightly' so much.
Get rid of as many adverbs ending in -ly as you can, by writing around them or selecting a stronger verb.
Start each character's dialogue on a new line.
Buy 'Self-editing for Fiction Writers' by Denni Browne and Dave KIng - it's gold.
Shelved because it is a fabulous read.
Best,
Fred (Swords across the Rhenus)