Morning's Glory

Hi Ann, thank you for backing - you're very kind. Appreciate the comments - honestly, I do! It's not a serious work because it was something inside I needed to get out. My more serious venture is my historical/romance/adventure tale - "Jack & Charmian London". I'm certainly more concerned regarding this story than I am of the prose :-). And I'm sure you could tell! Re-backing yours - as I'm not sure how this new system works.

Thank you, sincerely, again.
jim

Ann,
I really liked this. Just after the accident when David walked away I wanted to smack Carolyn and tell her to go get him. I truly love a good romance. Especially one that I do not have to worry about my children picking up.

Very well written. I did not notice anything jarring in the way of editing, unless you don't really spell tire with a "y" in New Zealand. :)

What does "kristallnacht" mean?

Best of luck to you with this,

Sharon Van Orman

I really like this. It flows well and every woman would empathise with the way your character talks to herself in her head. Will read it all, on my bookshelf and backed. Take a look at mine if you have time? Carole.

You have written a very interesting, sexy and unique storyline, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Carolyn. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Great work of fiction

backed

'For Christ sake.' No comment.
BK

I enjoyed your book and backed it with pleasure. You have an interesting dialogue that keeps the reader glued into a familiar scene that each us have been in at one time or another. I would appreciate you reading and commenting on December Gold. Blessings to your future writing.

Backed January 14.

Jesse - Savant

http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=14062

BACKED

I get very little from comments about my own book, nowadays. Some people like it, some don't. Some people are too frightened to leave genuine feedback, while others seek to enforce their own style upon me. I want to get to the Ed's Desk to get professional comment. I would rather spend 30 quid than do all this reading and backing. I have got everything I want out of Authonomy community already. So I am backing your book so that you can reach the Ed's desk and get professional feedback, instead of the platitudes and devious backings that account for 80% of backing you receive. Only 20% of comments are genuine, and will add value to your work.

Now, who am I not to back you? I am not godlike. Your work might be flatly written, unoriginal or even down right bad. It could be wonderful. But in my experience, only you can be honest with yourself about your writing... and that is what matters.

So, I am backing you so you can reach the Ed's desk.


There you are.

BACKED
Hope you reciprocate.

Thank you Bill, Ruth, and Whale particularly, and all other critiquers.

Your advice is good and I shall re-write. A better story line will take it to about 65 000, I think.

Thanks again
Ann

nice :) i liked this overall, even though I thought maybe the italics were used a little bit too much. The style and especially the flow reminded me of RL Stein, different genre but still that can only be a good thing! :) I think the dialogue is good and simple: say what you mean, mean what you say. It is amazing how difficult it is to write simple, and that is what you have achieved, so well done! :) Backed!

Thank you Bill, Ruth, and Whale particularly, and all other critiquers.

Your advice is good and I shall re-write. A better story line will take it to about 65 000, I think.

Thanks again
Ann

Hi, Ann. Good pitch. Got everything in it you need to draw a reader. It did me, anyway.
What a cool book. Funny, great characters, excellent dialog and a wild plot. Great imagination you've got there. I really like this. I've run across it several times. Don't know why I haven't read it before. Anyway, very good job in my opinion. Gladly backed.

John Harold McCoy - Bramwell Balley

Hello Ann,

Long ago, when I was new on the site and confused, you backed my novel "The Doctor of Summitville." Then I lost you, and may or may not have commented on the first chapter of your novel. Tonight I saw your comments on someone's book and, liking what you advised, decided to read more of yours. Your character drawing in Chapter 1 impressed me, and it was refreshing to see your mastery of the basics. Before going on, I promise to shelve your novel when I finish this note.

I question one thing you do, common enough in today's commercial fiction but seldom seen in sophisticated works--the use of italics to express thoughts. I suggest the following for your last five paragraphs of Chapter 1, with a few minor changes for clarity.

Carolyn meant to take control with a cool and distant question. "Yes?" But it sounded to her own ears like a promise: Yes, I'll wait.

The man looked more deeply into her soul than she was comfortable with.

"Wait?" he said. "Why?"

Now to her own ears, she sounded petulant. "I just thought . . ." [Italics ahead, reserved for emphasis:] What are you doing to me, Lord?

I'd really like to hear your astute criticism of my recent entries: "Call Home the Child" and "Annabella and Other Stories." Just a few brief notes, and I'll shut up and listen.

Sincerely, Bill

This is well written, good characters and a good voice. Carolyn is an instantly likeable and complex person. A volvo hit my car once, my car a near right off, one small scratch on the volvo, so I had a little chuckle while reading the first chapter. I was a bit wary of the religous tag, but after reading four chapters, it's not religous in the way the tag makes it seem (if that makes sense). Good luck with this. Backed
Charlie

SWEET, i enjoyed a stroll through the feminine mind though i now require therapy . ill back you just for taking me somewhere new...that and you write well . regards- Greg Ryan - UNDERCOVER MESSIAH

I do love your characters, but like others here I found the constant chatter of Carolyn's brain to be distracting. Some of her chatter is charming, but it gets to be too much and interferes with the story. She has a delightful spunky personality and I don't know as you really need all that brain noise. She is strong enough to stand on her own. I would try taking one chapter, do massive editing, ascertain what you are missing, then find a way that is not internal monologue to add back. If it works, use the same technique throughout the novel. Good luck with this.
Ruth
Amsterdam 2012

The writing is pared to the bone and I didn't notice a single superfluous word.
When I first wrote my own book it was criticised for its length of 50,000 words and I wonder if prospective publishers might make the same criticism of this.
As a confirmed atheist I tend to steer clear of anything positive involving religion but I am happy to back your book for its light touch.
I feel unqualified to add anything by way of constructive criticism and wish you good luck.
John

Thought I'd return the favor and take a look. I love the introduction. How you make what could be a very uncomfortable situation and make it light and lively. I also like the way you introduce her inner conflict and reveal back information like the death of Tim. I didn't have time to read more than the first parts but will try to return.
Jenny

Having read many an Australian on this site, I was eager to see whether their Antipodean cousins could also come to the plate and bat...and if this is a typical example...they can.
This is such a subtle and gentle piece of work that, after reading quite a lot of intense stuff on this site, it comes as quite a surprise.
It was a very pleasurable experience reading it.
Backed.

Hello Ann,
I like the light touch, a style that brings a smile to my face as I read. This is a nice, warm, friendly read, and I back it.
Tom Kilcourse

Very smart writing thoroughly enjoyed what I've read so far, hope to pop back soon to enjoy more.

Melxx
Impeding Justice

I love all the elements you've woven together here, in such an entertaining way. This is unique and quality writing that captures the reader and sends them into a wonderful ride. Daring and uplifting. Fantastic work.

Hi Ann, I liked the opening, you gave a little away without saying too much. I take it that Tim, Carolyns husband is dead. I also like the references towards fate and meeting again, its sets up for an interesting story. Its on my shelf. Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

'The Kristallnacht of tail-light lenses' - I've never heard that one before! Well done with this. It's refreshingly different. well written. good characterisation and well developed.
It's comedy is subtle and delightful
Good luck with it, backed with pleasure
Chris (inside out)

Superb piece of writing that encompasses just about every emotion and yes even a spice of erotica in chapter eleven, I'm impressed.

Backed with pleasure.

Bob (Auctoratus)

Ann, I've read the first nine chapters and enjoyed them. It's both amusing and touching as we go through Carolyn's "everyday adventure" of starting in a new place. I particularly liked the interesting playfulness with words - “non-discussfulness” - and cleverly unexpected phrases like “sexy kneecaps". The writing is clean and easy to read, allowing the story to flow smoothly.

A few notes: The chapter break choices made the story feel a bit chopped off at the end of each. (Personal preference, perhaps.)

A computer like a coat-hanger? I'm clearly missing something with this comparison.

Finally, I'm sure some things went over my head due to a lack of familiarity with NZ culture. Carolyn sometimes seems radically inconsistent in her attitudes and interpretations, but there may be a cultural element to this that I don't understand.

As I said, I definitely enjoyed this and am happy to put it on my shelf. Best of luck!

R.C. Lewis
(Fingerprints)

Morning's Glory

Hi Ann

This is glorious, funny, warm-hearted and absolutely not what I was expecting. I don't do religion, am quite dismissive of it really I suppose, but this isn't about religion at all, it is about people. It is laugh out loud funny in places and the characters are so strong. Your write is neat and pressed, there are not extraneous words and I wonder which edit you are on now this is such accomplished writing. I really enjoyed your short, plump sentences, filled to just the right level with the correct number of words. I forgot to crit the second half of the few chapters that I read simply because I was enjoying it so much. The italicized internal thoughts are a good device to break up the text, but also to add in the comedy element. Great stuff, happy to back this and support it strongly. Well done.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W
(Sanctuary's Loss)

Ann, I wish I had time to read more but what I did read I thought was well-written and very engaging. I like your mc and David sounds nice too. You get the feeling that something may happen between them quite early on, yet you also keep an air of mystery surrounding the mc which makes the reader want to continue to turn the page. I like this so I am shelving.

Best Wishes

Anna

With shame I must admit that I balked at the religious tag, this is something I am working on.
That said it was a delight to read. Carolyn's voice comes through and is one I could identify with.
The writting is enjoyable and I think this novel has potential to his a larger market.
The religious stuff wasn't so overwhelming that I didn't enjoy it and I think that others would too.
Backed.
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Ann
I've read the first three chapters. You skilfully introduce the two main characters - Carolyn and David - and credibly illustrate how they meet. We then move into the church - Dr Colin Grey - the pastor(?) and Carolyn's editorial work. Very well written. There is definitely a sexual tension present (perhaps it's just me) but there is a real sense that these people are going to be questioning all their values and testing the meaning of love. I will read more!
Frank

Darn it. Typed a huge long comment and then lost it. Aaaghhh. Let me try to remember. I love your style of writing - it's unpretentious and let's the story shine through. You totally avoid overwriting which is wonderful and your characters feel so real it's easy to get under their skins and hope for happy endings.....I love romance when it's not sickly or overplayed and this fits the bill perfectly.
Nitpicks? Just a few. Temporal- I'm assuming this is her thoughts cut off by the crash? Not quite clear and might put off some people thinking it's a typo.

Tim? Who's Tim? I'm assuming he's her late husband but the way it's dropped in the reader assumed we've been told so I went hunting back. Maybe leave out that mention for now.
I was also a little confused about who was who in this first chapter.....Children? Siblings? Again, it bothers the reader and slightly snags at us.
How did David know she was staying at the motel? Seems a little too easy and pat.

My final query is larger. Are you planning for this to sell to a Christian publisher? As in one that publishes purely Christian novels? If so, then I think you have the religious references just right. But I just wonder if this couldn't have a wider market? Obviously Carolyn's faith underpins her character but by making it more subtle you could easily go mainstream with this (I would imagine). I'm thinking of books like Susan Howatch's wonderful CofE series, which have Christianity underpinning them yet speak to a broader church, so to speak! Sorry, awful pun.
Just a thought.
Whichever I love your writing and am rooting for Carolyn. (funny, I have friends - a couple - called David and Carolyn so smiled at the names).
Backed with pleasure
Jane
WALKER

Ann, This is a smooth, easy read that carries me along nicely. I read the first couple chapter and will get back to it soon. Carolyn is a likable character and her perspective on things (men, children, etc.) and her comments to god are interesting and engaging. I feel like I know her. Backed, James

You can feel the attraction between David and Carolyn from the start. It starts with a conflict between the head and the heart. The head wins the first round, but as we read on, we're happy that David doesn't fade away. Dr. Grey offers a bit of a road block. Carolyn's personality is pleasant enough to engage us - we feel for her. There is a smoothness to this that makes it easy to let yourself go and flow with the story. I'm only on chapter three, so I don't know what happens next, but I want to find out. I only saw one minor typo in the first chapter ...gravel, its tyres sending... The way it's written, the comma needs to be a period. My suggestion though is to take out "its tyres" and then you can keep it as one sentence. A very minor problem and nothing to keep you off my shelf. Well done.

Ann, Morning's Glory is completely charming! I have no criticism to make, because it seems very nicely written, and keeps the reader's interest (even an old guy like me) Backed. Best of luck! Jedward (Brünnhilde)

Ann, Morning's Glory is completely charming! I have no criticism to make, because it seems very nicely written, and keeps the reader's interest (even an old guy like me) Backed. Best of luck! Jedward (Brünnhilde)

You have a wonderful laid back style, Ann, making it easy for the reader to get involved. Your uploading didn't quite work well and the tail of chapter 1 is at the begining of chapter 2. I'm only mentioning it because it disturbs the flow of your narrative. Good luck with this.

Morning's Glory is a gently paced and easy to read story with good descriptive characterisations. Carolyn's personality is strikingly evoked, and I enjoyed the undercurrents of humour in the way she confronts people and events. Your dialogue is natural and is well balanced with your narrative prose to keep the story flowing.
My only niggle is that there seems to be some inconsistency in your treatment of your characters' thoughts - in some places you use italics and in others you use inverted commas [C2 "I'll soon find a house," she vowed; "Bless them all..."] as though they are part of normal dialogue. Was this to suggest that she spoke aloud to herself? Anyway, it distracted me - though it's only a minor issue for the editor to consider.
Overall this deserves to do well, and I'm happy to back it.

Interesting, light hearted reading. You may find better solice with dedicated Christian publishing houses.

Andrew

Hi Anne,
What a pleasant engaging story. This is not my usual reading material at all but I must adsmit you have charmed me with it - shelved.

I can't possibly crit this because its so far from what I usually read. I spotted no technical errors and your MC's voice is clear as a bell. Good luck with it.

John Booth (Shaddowdon)

Hello Ann, I have read the first four chapters of your book and I am backing it. I also intend to read more as time permits. I like your story - it is well written and intriguing. I especially loved the rude cat and the eight year old's comments about not getting stressed. Not easy these days. I liked the confusion shown in the paragraph 'Run wires through my ceiling any time' and then almost immediately Carolyn was worried about not holding on to his hand for too long, in case he got the wrong idea! I am not a very religious person, but the references to God are part of your story and therefore not to be criticised. SHELVED for a while. Good luck with it.

Phyllis
A Passing Storm

i do love your unique voice and your style. i felt like it needed something a bit more to really pull me in though if that makes sense idk but it was just my personal opinion. nothing technical i could advise need fixing. very nice and polished. -Cara

Well, I had only time this morning to read the first chapter, and at first I thought it was going nowhere. It didn't seem to connect much with your pitch. But I enjoyed it, nevertheless, having had a similar crunch myself with a tow bar (I had the tow bar) and totalled the car that ran into me! Well, he totalled himself.
Your pitch might need some work, as it didn't really serve to attract me to read on, which is what it should do. I think you could do without the first two paragraphs of the main pitch as they don't sound quite right. Too much like blowing your own trumpet, and not enough of telling us what this is going to be about.
I'll pop it on my shelf for a bit.
Flicka

Well written. Good characters. Lots of nice laughs.
I suppose loads of Christians will like it.
Personally I respect your private religious feelings
while asserting that organised religion is always
a rip off. All the best with it...........Mikey (The FRee)

morning's glory

sensual christianity, a turn on and on my shelf .

freddie
("honour")

Hi Ann,

I've had "Morning's Glory" on my off-site watch list (Excel file) for ages - ever since I noticed Shayne commented and backed it. I planned on approaching you for a read swap - however, I started to peek at your first chapter, and before I knew it, four chapters had gone by. I jotted down some notes as a reader, since I don't feel I know enough as a writer to give good advice. These are the things that jumped out at me and interrupted the flow of the story, or bits I really liked. I hope you find these comments helpful.


Chapter One

~ "There is no excuse for rear-ending someone. Her driving instructor..." for some reason, this jumped out at me a bit - I think I expected to see something like, "Her driving instructor said years ago there was no excuse for rear-ending someone, and she knew the law would not be on her side." I know - my sentence sounds awful, but if you decide to reword it, I'm sure you'll come up with something better.

~ I like the rude cat breaking the tension, but I'm not sure a yawning cat would be insulting - maybe if the cat started to approach the man as if he wanted his ears scratched, then at the last second, turned away and flicked his tail. In other words, I like the moment, but I think you could make it a tiny bit stronger.

~ Although she and Tim were used to being asked "what's the weather like up there?", it was always..." - I'm not sure, but I don't think you need a comma there - it looks out of place.

~ "Later, my heart." - my heart just twanged too. I think this is the moment that Carolyn became real for me.

~ Nice hook to end on.


Chapter Two


~ "You Must Not Get Stressed" - I immediately pictured my nine year old saying this, and it made me smile.

~ "The shirt was open at the neck... He hasn't got a wife..." - how true!


Chapter Three

~ "Except for perfect idiots" - I love the internal battle she's having - it's little details like this that make her so likable.

Chapter Four

~ "Oh. Number 248, whatever that was..." - a little confusing as to what is internal thought, and what is spoken in this paragraph.

The pacing of your chapters is excellent (as evidenced by my unintentional plowing through three), and you have a great blend of exposition and action - I don't find the moments inside Carolyn's head slow things down, because you balance it out so well with the dialog. Shelved!

~Traci
Tangled Web

Chapter 3:

Her inner monologue during the interview with Dr Grey is terrific.

Good second intro to David - much more attractive without being too Mills & Boony.

Would an assistant property manager really earn enough to be driving a top-of-the-range Volvo? Sorry, don't know too much about car prices relative to salaries in NZ!

I also like all the detail about the rimu wood government desk - all very exotic when read here in boring old England!

This romance is toddling along nicely. I quite like all the church stuff, it's quite refreshing, although I suspect it will probably limit (or extend!) the readership only to Christians.

Good luck with it.

Nicole

Chapter 2:

I don't think you need to tell us that Moana is 8 twice, ditto that Mark is 10 and Felicity is 12. Telling us once in the 2nd para after the hiatus is sufficient.

"No clouds. Little wind." Good.
"Wholly groomed and lightly fragranced." Not so good.

I like the detail about needing to take some links out of her watchstrap.

Don't need the jingle about skin safety. It's so famous even I've heard of it.

The line about the judo-gi does not sound like something that anyone would ever say.

Shouldn't it be "will I have to sit" etc?

Hi Ann

I'm just going to comment on each chapter as I go:

don't think you need to say "behind her" - you've already indicated that the alps are behind her by saying that there was no need to turn and squint back

don't know about the "aargh!" - it's a bit Scooby-doo

I'd use another simile, instead of "jelly on springs" which is not too original

no need for the rule about rear-ending - common knowledge

all the muscles, power, fury, anger etc is a bit much in one para - he's coming across a bit like a Mills & Boon hero at this point. Also the untidy curl above the right eyebrow.

don't know about the "later, my heart" - it's verging on the sentimental

I like the detail about his knowing how to be still.

not sure "trinkets" is the right way to describe his watch etc - it makes him sound a bit cheap

Respond! No! Yes! - it's too much. Calm it down.

I like the way that you introduce Tim. Subtle.

I certain it's not true that there has never been a sexy romantic novel set in a church before I can think of several which have been dramatised for TV, and even the bible is full of incest, sexual slavery, prostitution and romance! But this is obviously a light-hearted romp, and I'm pleased to back it. Best wishes, Tony.