Book Jacket

 

rank 3104
word count 29935
date submitted 12.06.2009
date updated 06.02.2010
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Science ...
classification: moderate
incomplete

The God Virus

J.E. Murphy

An ancient virus is turning animals into people and people into monsters. A cure is on the way, but it is worse than the disease.

 

A virus from billions of years in the past has survived in ancient salt beds and has re-emerged with devestating results. As the virus turns evolution on its head, people are changed into monsters, animals begin to demand their rights, and civilization is brought to its knees. The few remaining humans seek safety in the quarantine of walled cities such as the Vatican. They desperately seek a cure, but the only one they can find may bring civilization the rest of the way down.

Judeus and Miranda set out with a wolfish priest, a planeload of pilgrims, and a bizarre cat on their own journey from Miami to the Vatican. One wants to teach the Pope how to pray. Another wants to lay siege against the humans. And last, but not least, they want to get the Pope's perspective on whether non-humans should marry.

With their plane shot down over Africa, they learn that strange events are not limited just to the civilized parts of the world.

Is the virus God's punishment on the world? Or is there no god but the virus? Or is the virus going to create a new god? Can three sponge-monsters straighten this mess out?

 
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tags

apocalypse, civilization, dna, mutant, vatican, virus, war

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The God Virus

 

    Hey now a riddle

    The cat’s in the middle

    And the wolf fell back in a swoon

    The old gods laughed to see such sport

    And the Church turned its face to the moon

 

~21st century nursery rhyme,

attributed to the poet Horace ~

 

Chapter 1

 

I was there when Santa Miranda Garcia Hermone was eaten alive by the multitudes and the walls of civilization fell.

You have read your histories. You know the story—how the Pope made his edicts while the scientists worked on their dark secrets.  But you do not know everything; not yet. But you have asked me, so I will tell you the whole story. I was there at the beginning, and I was there at the end. My name is Judeus Rodriguez Hermone, and Santa Miranda was my wife. You see, before she became known as Santa Miranda, she was Miranda Garcia Hermone, and before that, just Miranda Garcia. And before that, she had no name at all.

I was the second human being ever to become infected with the Miranda virus. Miranda was, of course, the first. You could say that the sea gave Miranda to us as a gift—that is if you want to leave God out of it. God loves us. He likes to play with us and give us gifts that make us grow, whether we want to or not. He has his laughs. Yes, I still believe in God. I am not like some who say our only god is a virus.

I found Miranda along a stretch of beach very much like this one. It might have even been this one. It is difficult to tell with the buildings gone. These days it would be difficult to run up and down this beach without tripping over vines. In those days, one tripped over garbage instead.

Miranda had washed up into the shallows near the beach and was tangled up with seaweed and rubbish. I did not see at first that there was a body in the middle of all this plastic and seaweed. I saw some seaweed that looked like black hair spread out on the water. Then I saw a piece of burned wood that looked like a human arm. How interesting that the end of it resembled a human hand. But wait, it was a hand! As soon as I saw that this was a human being, I jumped back for fright. I looked around and saw two people standing in a parking lot near the road. “Amigos,” I yelled. “Help! Come quickly! There is a body.” I pointed at the water.

They jumped over the low seawall and ran down to where I stood staring at the body. They were two males a big one and a little one. The big one seemed to be about my age, and I was perhaps in my twenties at that time—just a baby. It was so long ago I cannot believe how old I am now. The other, smaller, one seemed younger, but also smarter in some ways.

“You stay here,” the smaller one said. “I will go call the police.”

“Not so fast,” the big one said. “They will see we are all Cubans and there will be trouble.”

“But some of the police are Cubans too,” the small one said.

“It does not matter,” the big one said. “The cops hold all the cards. That is why you should never invite them to your game.”

The older one nervously lit a cigarette and took a few puffs, but then he threw it on the sand. I was afraid it might set the trash on fire, but he stepped on it and put it out. Cigarettes had in them a drug that was legal because all of the people who made laws were also addicted to this drug. But if there was a drug that they were not addicted to, then they made it against the law for anyone to use it. This helped keep the police employed, I think, and was maybe why the big one did not want to follow the younger one’s suggestion.

While they were arguing about whether or not to call the police, I waded out and grabbed the body by the arm and began to pull it ashore.

“Can you help me, amigos?” I asked. “She is very heavy and has an air-tank on her back.”

“She?”

“What kind of tank? An air tank?” the smaller one asked.

“Is she pretty?”

“What difference does that make, my friend?” I asked. “She is dead.”

“Maybe she has been breathing off of the air tank.”

I had not thought of that. She had been floating face down, so I had given her little hope of being alive, but, with the help of the smaller boy, I rolled her onto her back to make sure. Her mouth did not hold the mouthpiece for breathing underwater. What did they call it? A regulator?

“Oh, gross,” the smaller one said. “Look at her eyes.”

“What about them?” I asked. “They are shut.”

“No, they are open. Look closer.”

I did look closer, and through the clear lens of the mask on her face, I saw with disgust that her eyes had rotted away. But no, that was not it. Her eyeballs were still there, but they were like two big solid black marbles—as black as her skin. While my poor brain tried to understand what I was seeing, she blinked.

“Holy Jesus,” I yelled, nearly dropping her back in the water.

The smaller boy crossed himself.

“She is alive. Help me get her on the beach.”

“Her regulator must have just now fallen from her mouth,” the smaller boy said.

The bigger boy jumped in then, and the three of us dragged her onto the sand and took her mask off so she could breathe better. Then we fumbled around with the equipment she had strapped to her and got the tank and her vest off so that she could lie flat.

“She is not breathing,” the older one said. “Her breasts are not going up and down. I should give her artificial resuscitation.”

I immediately took a dislike to this individual and told him to stay back. My instincts told me that he knew nothing about reviving people.

I also had never revived a drowned person myself, but I had read books and knew something about it. Anyway, I did my best. I always try to do my best.

When I breathed air into Miranda’s lungs, I got a mouthful of liquid in return. This is how I got the virus. I spewed the nasty black liquid all over the two boys, who were kneeling there watching.

“Jesus, man!”

“Yuck!”

They tried to wipe the stuff off with their hands, and this is how they got the virus.

But how did Miranda get the virus in the first place? It was from salt. Imagine: four-billion year old salt, and in it a virus such as this.

Chapters

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Miss Chuck wrote 1059 days ago

This is reminscent in some ways of Oryx & Crake. By that I mean stunning. I think it is so hard when you write in this genre to show and not tell because you are constantly introducing the reader to new concepts and environments. You have accomplished this, again, in a similar way to Oryx & Crake.

The narrative voice is clear, individual and introduces the protagonist fantastically. I just wanted to read on and on.

Would I buy this in hardback? I'd have it on pre-order for months before it was published. Shelved.

KJKron wrote 1074 days ago

This is not like anything I expected. It has truely funny parts - the confession for instance. There is a seriously funny mystery going on here. I absoultely love this. Shelved.

Tony Judge wrote 1075 days ago

Hello Jim,

I like this dystopian future vision very much. I found shades of Margaret Atwood’s Oryx and Crake, mixed up with a Latin American magic realist vibe. It’s very compelling and it’s shelved.
Tony (Sirocco Express)

Morven wrote 1075 days ago

This is seriously good stuff. I was pulled into the story from the opening line and it hasn't let go of me yet.... reading on, more comments to follow......

VisionScript wrote 1078 days ago

Hi Jim: AH Ha! I cannot believe I get to back this jewel first! I never scroll over the Authonomy icon on my toolbar and read the books listed there, which must be a list of newly uploaded books, but for some reason I did, and viole! I saw your name. I was like, let me see this (although I should be asleep as I have a serious appointment eight hours from now. I was shocked at Miranda's name for one (it's the title of Ayrich's novel involving the Illuminati). (I was shocked to know her eyes were completely black--I've only ever seen that in a prophetic dream once--one I hope does not come true). Anyways, Love Miranda, wonder if she's wearing swim goggles to hide her eyes and if she uses them on the beach in order to just run into the water when she desires. I've only read two chapters, but what an effortless read. You have that talent that draws the reader in and they keep reading without a thought as to stopping. I love earth knowledge, so I loved the descriptions of the salt beds and the pockets of salt deep in the sea, like separate lakes. I'm so excited about this when I just scrolled up and read your tags. The Vatican excited me. Not thrilled about war, but I'd probably tolerate it to read this. This zings. And shelved happily. Rachael (American Clique).

gloria piper wrote 624 days ago

Hi, J.E.,
Thought I'd check out your The God Virus. Your writing looks professional, and you say a lot in this book. Humorous but thought-provoking as well.
Backed.
Gloria
Finnegan's Quest

R.A. Baker wrote 630 days ago

J.E., this novel was amazing! I don't know if you classify your work as sci-fi comedy, but it was hilarious. Actually it's a bit tricky to pinpoint exactly what genre this work would fall into--something like "Dr. Doolittle", meets John Carpenter's "The Thing". Based on the pitch, I expected a dark, foreboding tale--and it did seem to start off that way. However it soon turned into one of the funniest satires I've read in a long time. Through sci-fi inspired humor, you tackled issues ranging from the treatment of animals, to the environment, to immigration, to religion. The story was so well written, I was immediately drawn in and finished all of the chapters you posted. I think chapter 19 is the last consecutive chapter--chapter 20 seems to be the end, which was nice to read for closure sake. By the way, the first "confessional" scene between the priest and the main character was priceless. Great work!

Burgio wrote 651 days ago

THE GOD VIRUS
This is an interesting story. You really hooked me into this when Jude began talking to the cat. The concept that a virus could change people into animals is intriguing. Makes this a good read. I’m happy to add it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 4th place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

Raine9 wrote 710 days ago

hi! i just happened upon your book and I really like the beginning! =) I haven't read all of it but so far i think it's got great potential. I like the riddle at the beginning too, really sets the mood! backed! and if you have time please check out my novel Aftermath thanks!

Raine9 wrote 710 days ago

hi! i just happened upon your book and I really like the beginning! =) I haven't read all of it but so far i think it's got great potential. I like the riddle at the beginning too, really sets the mood! backed! and if you have time please check out my novel Aftermath thanks!

Owen Quinn wrote 720 days ago

I can tell from the pitch alone this is tongue in cheek, a wonderful concept that explores the human equation and veiled gay rights in the marriage question. Do we still have a soul if we turn into monsters and if God made us in his image, won't that screw things up. Loved the Vatican as a haven, having been there, it's big enough but only if the guards let you stand in one place long enough! Brilliant.

nans wrote 829 days ago

Compelling read that fulfills the promise of a rather intriguing pitch.
Best

nans wrote 829 days ago

Compelling read, with a very keen narrative voice that makes sure the reader is hooked.
Read till Chap 14 and I felt that the writing standards fell a tiny notch, but that's perhaps because I was hoping for better.
Best

bonalibro wrote 833 days ago

Hi,

I have backed your book because I found it eminently readable
but have to cover 25 books a day just to keep my place on here.
If you would like a more specific comment please return the favor.
Good luck with it.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes.

Sly80 wrote 835 days ago

Astonishing account of the finding of Miranda. I shared Judeus' shock when she blinked. There is a lot of appeal in Judeus' almost naive personality, his odd, dry humour, and honest simplicity of thought that is a form of wisdom ... 'Insurance was like gambling'. He makes many important observations along the way. Miranda gradually surfaces, and Judeus finds his fitness improving ... 'I was very impressed with myself', yes, I would have been too. 'She is pure cat', LOL ... I think. 'I could breath the water' ... because Miranda is perhaps not pure human being any more. Yes, Judeus made a mistake in not keeping her secret, but the virus must be spreading...

Masterful writing, Jemstone, I didn't spot a single thing I would change. The story itself is odd, almost anti-prophetic, a warning from an imagined future. Judeus' character lends a gentleness to this sci-fi folk tale of nature going darkly awry ... backed.

Bob Steele wrote 837 days ago

The God Virus is an intriguing and original book. I liked the first person narration by Judeus and the speed with which you set the 'worldview' in the opening paragraphs through his words and actions. I enjoyed his instincts [my instincts told me he knew nothing about reviving people] and his dry humour [lawyers are people who understand how to make people keep promises. And how to break them]. He continued to grow on me as the central character , and I thought the confessional scene ending with the priest commenting 'Now I also have to go to confession' was an absolute gem. The narrative flows well and the underlying premise creates enormous scope for adventure and imagination that you appear to be taking full advantage of. I have no nitpicks on this - I'll be very happy to back it.

biv0ns wrote 839 days ago

This is so strange, but honestly these are my first two reactions: You're writing is clean, and not enough happens in the first chapter.

Before you have the cryptic incredible find of this woman washing up on the beach, we need some characterization. We need the protagonist to have a history, a life, before the events of the story. The way the story starts isn't compelling because we don't know what's going on. You're robbing yourself of a precious opportunity between the paragraph that starts "I found miranda" and the one that ends with "our only God is a virus"

Now I haven't read chapter 3, but by the end of chapter 2 we don't know you're protagonist's job, where he lives, even the country he lives in, we know so little about him it's all so abstract. You want to give us a sense of grounding, of reality.

I like the writing here, because it shows you can put together all the elements of a story. But you still have to put them together in a way that invites me in. Make it real, and you will not be disappointed.

KevRogers wrote 839 days ago

Wow - what a cracking story - what an imagination - I really enjoyed what I read - great writing.

Backed

Kev

lionel25 wrote 839 days ago

J.E., from your first chapter I can tell you have a hell of an imagination and that you're a hell of a writer. Nothing to nitpick.

Backed!

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

meemers wrote 842 days ago

This was a breeze to follow and I love the characters and plot. It was easy to envision Miranda because my granddaughter has those lovely black eyes and beautiful hair. But, she has the whites in hers. She's gorgeous, witty and complex, just like here. I love that he develops throughout the book into an almost non-human and has new senses added. Had to stop, but will be back, gotta get done.

backed with excitement for you
sue

Sheila Belshaw wrote 843 days ago

THE GOD VIRUS:

Jim,

I thought I'd seen the epitome of imagination on this Authonomy site, but yours tops the lot. You also write pretty damn well.

And what a premise. It can't fail to be a winner.

Backed with admiration,
Sheila (Pinpoint)

Sheila Belshaw wrote 843 days ago

THE GOD VIRUS:

Jim,

I thought I'd seen the epitome of imagination on this Authonomy site, but yours tops the lot. You also write pretty damn well.

And what a premise. It can't fail to be a winner.

Backed with admiration,
Sheila (Pinpoint)

AlanMarling wrote 845 days ago

Dear JE Murphy,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I loved your short pitch, utterly delightful. After a firm nod to your opening paragraphs, I skipped to chapter seven to cover less-traveled ground and was rewarded by this opening sentence, “The next morning, we sinned some more”. That’s good of Skitch to do charity work for money. A typo snuck in at “we have not done a good jobs”. Well, let’s see, I like your voice, your humor, your dialog, and your chapter end hook. That’s a lot to like. The next chapter has just as punchy a start. The protagonist makes a wish and gains super smell, and I’m wondering at the extent of his abilities; also, I assume they’re from the infection Miranda is spreading. I’m excited to see the direction the outbreak takes.

In my fallible opinion, you could make your long pitch even better by fitting your protagonist into it. I like the mention of the Pope, but without the protagonist’s name mentioned, I feel a bit detached.

This small matter aside, I enjoyed your story. Bravo! Backed.

Best wishes,
Alan Marling

LeahPet wrote 845 days ago

OK, I came here from the “first chapter” thread so, while I knew the title, I didn’t look at the pitch or the genre before reading.

I LOVE the first sentence.

The two sentences starting with “At first I paid no attention” were a bit awkward and had unnecessary “that”s and “then”s. It stood out because the writing before that had been so clean and sharp.

“The drug was legal…” I love that.

The “breathing thing” stumbled me both times.

I didn’t like the info-dump about how she got the virus. Actually, I don’t think I needed to know how she got the virus at all anywhere near that early in the story.

I would have liked it if the end of chapter one had been something more captivating than putting her in the car.
But overall I like the story and your voice is well done.

Backed.

Leah Petersen – Mourn the Sun

Clare Hill wrote 847 days ago

Wow, this is seriously good. I would buy this - it's well written, has a fantastic MC and the voice is sublime. I love the explanations of things like computers and apartments. Backed.

paxie wrote 848 days ago

JE Murphy
This is fabulous.....Such an original piece, and so well written.....I usually try to help if I can....but you dont seem to need any pointers...

Best of luck to you....You must be very proud...

Shelved with jealousy....

Jared wrote 848 days ago

This is a fantastic premise in every respect. The short pitch, just two short sentences, "An ancient virus is turning animals into people and people into monsters. A cure is on the way, but it is worse than the disease," is as good a summary of what to expect as I've seen on this site.
SF has to divert, to take a reader into worlds of imagination, and your book does this. It also has stunning descriptive passages, humour and some remarkable imagery. Is there no god but the virus? Good question. A novel of rare imagination and scale, this is very strong writing in a setting that rewards a reader able to set their mind free and accept a world that is ceratinly like no other.
Jared.

T.L Tyson wrote 849 days ago

This is awesome.
This is a story I can get behind. I love this. The premise is truly up my ally. I would buy this on pitch alone.
BAcked
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

TheLoriC wrote 849 days ago

The God Virus is scary, fascinating, an easy read, and downright extraordinary. Not many can pull off science fiction and literary fiction at the same time, but this book is just one shining example that it isn't impossible to do. On my shelf and Today's Pick I Like for 1/27/10: http://newandgoodreading.blogspot.com/2010/01/todays-pick-i-like-12710.html

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

John Booth wrote 850 days ago

Hi JE,
It took me a while to get into this, but once I did, I loved it - Shelved

Telling a story to people who do not know anything about 'modern civilisation' is a novel approach, especially as you rightly postulate they understand their own. It threw me at first. But then it all fell into place,

I thought it was wonderful when the cat said 'watch out'.

Perhaps your hero is a little too 'good', but then again such people do exist. I don't really have any meaningful crit. I'd buy this book, it's fun.

John Booth (Shaddowdon)

maitreyi wrote 852 days ago

not my genre, but intriguing and well written. backed.
xx
m
THE ETON MOTHERS' HANDBOOK

Billy Young wrote 853 days ago

I'm remember reading this a while back but that is about it. So I can't really say if it has improved but if it hasn't why didn't I back it then. It does take a little to get into it but once it you do you just want to read on and it was only with a little effort that I pulled myself free so I can get on with other things. Shelved.

Jehmka wrote 853 days ago

I've, so far, read only the first two chapters. I've come across a number of books at authonomy that I've wanted to read thru, but didn't because of the constant requests to read other people's books. Screw them. I don't want to put this story away.

The writing is invisible... I mean, reading this is like watching a good film. A seamless flow of images. Very inventive. A beautiful invention wrapped in warmth. J. E. Murphy; you have a fan.

Rodney (Greendale / The Other Mr. Bax)

nboving wrote 861 days ago

One of the most extraordinary stories I've read on this site. Occasionally, after trawling through the offerings I come across something that makes me sit up and pay attention. "The God Virus" did exactly that. Superbly written and a premise that is so far from the ordinary it begs to be read. Telling a story in the first person is also very difficult becuase your protagonist is on-stage all the time. I know because I do it. I'm glad you put it into the Literary Fiction genre becuase your ability with words is so evident.

This is on my watch list till I make room to back it.

Nicholas ("The Warlock") - Horror

JohnRL1029 wrote 994 days ago

"I am not like some who say our only god is a virus." Such great lines in this. This is a very engaging read. Love the idea of a virus creating a new god. WL.

Jemstone wrote 1039 days ago

Crikey this is a tale and a half..... I read up to Chapter eight without a pause so you're obviously doing something right. But that horrid niggly pragmatic bit of me was thinking, hmmm, how come the authorities let this guy take away this clearly weird woman with completely black eyes? I'd have been running tests like nothing on earth.
I really don't know what to think - and that's a new one for me. I think I'll have to come back and read more. But for now it's certainly staying firmly on my WL.



I will add further explanation in the story to make it more plausible that the hospital sent the two away. This sort of thing does happen, especially in private hospitals, and especially if the patient appears to have good vital signs, and the ER is busy. - JEM

Jane Alexander wrote 1040 days ago

Crikey this is a tale and a half..... I read up to Chapter eight without a pause so you're obviously doing something right. But that horrid niggly pragmatic bit of me was thinking, hmmm, how come the authorities let this guy take away this clearly weird woman with completely black eyes? I'd have been running tests like nothing on earth.
I really don't know what to think - and that's a new one for me. I think I'll have to come back and read more. But for now it's certainly staying firmly on my WL.

zil wrote 1042 days ago

Hi JE. Love it, i would definetly but it if i saw it. Funny, Mysterious and even a little sad. The writing is smoothleading easily from one chapter to the next. Shelved. x

Keefieboy wrote 1042 days ago

I love this. The easy, almost childlike, prose. The mad story. The fresss fiss. Great stuff, and on my shelf.

sonjadarling wrote 1043 days ago

this book is right up my street! not at all what i expected and should be considered for the editors desk without reaching top 5. carry on the good work.

W. D. wrote 1053 days ago

Strangely reminiscent of "A Canticle for Leibowitz" by Walter M. Miller. I've completed the first five chapters, and I would describe it as more satirical than scifi. I'm looking forward to reading more.

S.L. Madden wrote 1058 days ago

JE

I’m not quite sure what to make of this. I expected an apocalyptic nightmare scenario and instead I got a fairly lighthearted tale with hints of darker things to come. Trust me, I’m not complaining. I read through chapter eight in no time, and I’m only pausing because my lunch is coming up. The writing is smooth, though it comes off a bit…young. If it weren’t for the subject matter, I’d suspect this was a children’s book (maybe it should be geared YA?). I realize this is due in part to the narrative voice (for instance, the lack of contractions). Also, the word “that’ could be eliminated in quite a few sections and there are extraneous words in some sentences that add nothing, but these are all quick edits. The story you have here is solid and very entertaining.

Thanks! ~Steve

Miss Chuck wrote 1059 days ago

This is reminscent in some ways of Oryx & Crake. By that I mean stunning. I think it is so hard when you write in this genre to show and not tell because you are constantly introducing the reader to new concepts and environments. You have accomplished this, again, in a similar way to Oryx & Crake.

The narrative voice is clear, individual and introduces the protagonist fantastically. I just wanted to read on and on.

Would I buy this in hardback? I'd have it on pre-order for months before it was published. Shelved.

MichelleRitz wrote 1059 days ago

This is a superb! You have a wonderful narrative voice and an exceptional writing style. Miranda is an interestingly unique character and i enjoyed this read. On my shelf.

SelfMadeSoulBass wrote 1063 days ago

Tried to back this and authonomy isn't letting me. So I'll have to try it again later.

scottkenny wrote 1064 days ago

A great pitch Jemstone, which drew me in. The story develops well and is quite amusing in parts though I had to admit I was hoping for more of the 'pitch' to appear earlier than it did. The last page, 14, is terrific. It would make a wonderful page one, lol. Shelved, Scott.

Patty wrote 1065 days ago

JE,

Decided to have a look at this one. Only my opinion and all that jazz. You know the score.
Hmm and hmm.
It's quite funny. I liked the way you describe the woman and the way you're gently poking fun an the main character's childlike innocence and the church, but.... this is totally not what I felt I was promised in the pitch. The pitch sounds quite gritty. It promises death and destruction and arguments with the church. It doesn't promise humour. I'd re-brand this as comedy.
Writing-wise, I'd say this is mostly fine. I'd just watch the 'was'-monster in some sections of narrative.

mikegilli wrote 1066 days ago

Great story. Superb imagijnation Seems REAL.
First place on my shelf!

Suggestions
Maybe more attention to characters, Typical Sci Fi problem.
e.g. in ch 13 she goes from despair to happily fixing cat too fast, for me, and he
from horror at her stabbing to happily accepting her flow down cracks.
I LOVE IT don't get me wrong...the story is SO strong
Lots of luck with it..................Mikey

Andrew W. wrote 1070 days ago

The God Virus

Hi JE, Wow, what a great take on the end of the world, real storytelling prowess under your writing hood, it thrums with a compulsion to read on. I galloped through the first three chapters, very well done indeed. I want to know what happens, great idea, wonderfully executed, well done (BACKED) - Andrew W.

Anne Lyle wrote 1071 days ago

This is fantastic - I read three chapters without pausing, which is rare for me. The voice is perfect - the slightly stilted English of a native Spanish speaker - and who can resist a talking cat?

My editor's brain did come up with a few nitpicks - but there was so little to fault in the writing, they are very minor:

"...and she fell straight to the bottom, which, because the boat was hanging over deep water, was much deeper than anybody ever went on purpose." Lose the comma after "bottom" - it's a bit much on top of the comma-separated descriptive clause immediately afterwards.

This lake was water that was so dense with salt, that it barely mixed..." - too many thats - drop the one after "salt".

"Meer cats" - should be "meerkats" if you mean the small African mongoose

Shelved, because I would definitely buy this book!

InternetG33k wrote 1071 days ago

Jim,

This is so unexpected after reading, The Next Buddha! I love this story! You've managed to create a unique voice for your main character, and I love the little explanations sprinkled throughout ("The Olympics were athletic events that people used to have to see which countries had the healthiest and most superior people." - LOL!). Amazing stuff, and it goes right up on my shelf!

~Traci

Elaina wrote 1071 days ago

My, my! Fress fiss! The poor Chatholic boy, what's he in for, ha ha! I'm in. This is amusing and mysterious simultaneously, and I can do no less than shelve it.

Elaina

Eric Rhodes wrote 1074 days ago

This is such a good read and very funny. I've read through chapter six now and that's enough to now it's going on the bookshelf. Well done,
Eric

Billy Young wrote 1074 days ago

I like the first chapter as its a good prologue to set the story off but you continue this style into the main tale where I think you should have more dialogue to push it along.

KJKron wrote 1074 days ago

This is not like anything I expected. It has truely funny parts - the confession for instance. There is a seriously funny mystery going on here. I absoultely love this. Shelved.

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