Dancers in Darkness

I've not read anything on Authonomy quite like this. It is extraordinary. You don't so much play with language as turn it into a virtuoso performance. I love your ability to animate the entire universe, delineating the experiences and thoughts of rivers and trees (I'm a bit of an animist, or rather, a pantheist, myself). I love the way that your command of language allows you to carry the reader along, swirling and sweeping them from one idea to the next, turn characters and things inside out to examine their inner core, and then on with the narrative and the next sumptuous display of virtuosity.

This is fascinating, challenging, amazing writing. I'm so glad I had a read of this.

Backed.

Simon

Dear Efadul, I’m really enjoying this: it’s as skillful as it is original. I admire how you interweave Shakuntala’s story with Hamdu’s: I know from your pitch that you continue to combine stories throughout—if you always do so as smoothly and playfully, I’m in for a treat.

I also admire the pace, intensity, and inclusiveness of your narrative: you immediately draw the reader in and keep her diverted and occupied with a variety of images brief scenes before introducing your main characters. What I found especially surprising and imaginative is the animism and the anthropomorphism: the river, a tree, even “the desolate countryside” into living, feeling characters. As for your human characters, they are well drawn and quite fascinating: people I want to know more about.

I have a feeling that your unusual approach to the natural and the material is related to the religious themes mentioned in your pitch. I’m eager to reach the major portion of your story. On my shelf. Maria, The Pharaoh’s Cat

I love this book, you have a beautiful grasp of language and use your talent wonderfully to weave your story through its passages. A higly imaginative idea, with many delicious threads wandering through its' seams. I like stories that jump into random peoples heads and reveal a small part of their life, as yours did to great effect. I have a way to go to finish it, but am caught up in your story and allowing it to take me to the edges of my imagination.

Shelved and loved
Alex

The premise of your book is great and you have a unique style. I like the fact this defies most of what commercial fiction is 'apparently' about - it is a work of art in itself. Shelved.

"A Pageless Book" is a most intriguing title. Well done - it caught my eye immediately. I like what I have read so far and your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Love dark humor. You lead one on an interesting journey. Nice!

Sincerely,
Jim
jack & charmian london

Barely any dialogue in the first chapter (that's as far as I've got), but when the narrator's voice is so strong it's not needed. Ruthless images, even cruel, the characterisation is vivid, their thoughts and feelings and fears are vivid. The tree speaks and it's all part of this extraordinary tale. Brilliant. Backed. Lynn

Wow, the first two paragraphs really grabbed me... Look forward to reading more.
Backed
Jennifer
'A Matter of Conscience'

JAPLIN & JAPLIN
This is an interesting mystery. Jeffrey is an interesting character because he’s going for a job interview and can’t find a parking space and we all appreciate how nerve-wracking an experience that can be. If I have a suggestion, it’s to look at dialogue. As a rule, people don’t talk to themselves out loud (opening paragraph); you could tell us just his thoughts. Also, all of your characters talk in full sentences; read your dialogue out loud and ask yourself, “Is that how I would say that? Or would I use some slang and a half sentence?” Either way, I liked this. I’m adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Hi Efadul, I'm struggling. You write well. Your prose are pictorial. The story...I don't know, somehow it seems to get buried in the descriptive prose. We become unsure who is thinking or speaking and a little restless to move on, get clear, understand something concrete. The words sound good but there are too many. Kill some of your babies, strip it down, find what's good, what works and then clarify the story, reduce the prose, up the dialogue.

I wondered where the dark smoke came from when the girl was thrown out of the car, as she wasn't on fire.
Later you say she is still covered by the rag. I thought it might have come off when she bounced down the road.
Why do kids talk to Granny like that. What point are you making. Is that realistic?
I liked the truck defecating into the river and many other descriptive passages.

Just thoughts. It's early hours here, so I may just be tired. I must say, I enjoyed it but found it a perplexing read.
I hope you see this is helpful, not critical. There is no doubting your ability with words.
Backed with pleasure,
Take care, Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Dear Efadul --

Your style reminded us of Milan Kundera, with the ability to hold many threads taut and guide us along each path even when we're not sure where we're going. But your voice is unique, and the mirror that you hold up to the world reflects a very clear image of what's slowly (or not so slowly) going wrong. For example, in chapter 9 : "These derailed people had an unusual knack for creating holidays, as if it was their birth-right to enjoy holidays..." Skewering, but truthful.

Skillfully written, with beautiful use of language and imagery. BACKED. -- Delhui, The Long Black Veil

You are totally fantastic, Efadul! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my memoir books?
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

Dear Efadul, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." :) Thanks so very much. :) Since I have already backed your book, I will put your book on my watchlist. Could you please take a moment to back my completed unedited memoir version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which at the end tells of my illness now & 6th abusive marriage. I'd be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :)
authonomy quotes: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs.
When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy

Dear Efadul, I love your graphic descripitions of feelings, events, & scenes - very real, like watching a movie. :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :)
Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote.
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs.

beautifully written, sensitive and brutal, your prose is like a veil through which we see more clearly, or a telescope through which we see ourselves . . .

you scatter scenes and characters about like seeds, and they germinate in readers' minds, acquiring fresh layers of meaning and significance . images and symbols like icons, words insufficient, yet all we have to shape meaning .

"the badness topping commission" is good .

good to see some cricket in a novel, too .

mysterious, the tigress, the thousands of zombies . you mix 'n match eclectically .

enjoyable and puzzling, this is an original book and difficult to criticize, which is a certain compliment .

shelved, and wishing you well with it .

freddie
("honour")

I don’t know what anyone else thinks but for me the opening paragraph was simply superb—as was this writing.

I went back to the author’s profile to read “Just a normal guy who doesn't watch much TV,... has unconventional thoughts...” and wanted to add “and knows how to write in a classic way ‘bout modern things.”

Every now and again and infrequently I come across an author whose command of his writing brooks no comment. This is one such. Just enjoy what he has offered. Backed.

Efad,
This is your pal - I recall that I was one of the first readers of the book and I must say that it was one of the devices that made me start loving your qualities as a kindred spirit and that of a exceptional intellect in many dimensions. Your genius is EXTRAORDINARY!!!!

MASHALLAH!!!! I had loved the few chapters I had read of your book and will continue to read on. So, please believe me when I say that Allah Almighty may one day make this book one of those few that are praised and looked into in literature for it is a MASTERPIECE!!!! INSHALLAH I KNOW IT'LL HAPPEN!!!!! ^_^

Keep on writing Genius Friend of Mine!!!!

I've not read anything on Authonomy quite like this. It is extraordinary. You don't so much play with language as turn it into a virtuoso performance. I love your ability to animate the entire universe, delineating the experiences and thoughts of rivers and trees (I'm a bit of an animist, or rather, a pantheist, myself). I love the way that your command of language allows you to carry the reader along, swirling and sweeping them from one idea to the next, turn characters and things inside out to examine their inner core, and then on with the narrative and the next sumptuous display of virtuosity.

This is fascinating, challenging, amazing writing. I'm so glad I had a read of this.

Backed.

Simon

Efadul,
.
Your writing borders on WONDRFUL to mildly overwritten....to me that is. There is a real beauty in what you've done and yet there were times when it went just a bit too far. I don't want to discourage you, because this is really good....I just think it's on the verge of being fantasitc with a little bit of work.

Lockjaw.

Hi Efadul,
This is certainly different and highy poetic. Not really my sort of thing but I do admire the writing.

I don't know how I could comment on it. So much of it revolves around its own style, to pick it apart would be meaningless. However, I can shelve it for a little while.

Good luck with this.

John

Efadul -
Lyrical and artful. Interesting how you offer passages on people like the kid in the car cursing to his grandmother and the hesitant-to-chastise mom; it almost seems you want to give the impression we will see these people again. Someone mentioned a few typos/mistakes in the first bit - if that is what they are, as successive writing is nothing short of sparkling. (ok, there are a few spots to be edited here and there but most of us have them.)
your book - judging from the first chapter - seems a lesson on writing thoughtful, meaningful narrative. i am looking forward to more. much more.
cheers,
kevin

Mmmm...

Beautifully written. I will return at some point, to read more so that I can give a fuller, more worthy response. For now I just want to tip my hat to you, and put your book on my shelf.

:)

Chapter 2: The visit to the long lost son is well-handled, but then I was tripped up by the Chapa insert. You've given 8 paragraphs to real/fictional Chappa, when I think you could get away with cutting it all. Try it. They are well-written paragraphs, but I don't think they work there. I see two possible options here:

1. Cut them completely. I don't think your story will lose any of its power or beauty.

2. Scatter them throughout the chapter as asides. You could even start the chapter with the reference to Chappa - maybe in relation to the Banyan tree under which one of your more interesting characters lies with her dog?

You could even start this chapter with "Zaved sat in a taxi... a lonely banyan tree.", go into the geography of Chappa, the visit to the house, more info on Zaved, family, friends, interspersed with Chappa details, and then end it with " The knotted banyan tree shook... she asked."

Still enjoying your work. I look forward to reading the rest. Hope you don't mind my suggestions - just try it out and see if you think they work. If you want Chappa to have more character then think you should treat it as another person, and not just a place. This is how you treat the river and the tree... I think the city/country should get the same treatment, don't you?

Good work so far. Keep it up!

Quenntis. (TTT)

A well-written chapter one. I like your lyrical prose, and the pace of your writing. It reads very easily and I found it all easy to follow. The structure of paragraphs of varying lengths and the imagery you use create a very rich and atmospheric opening. And the title is so intriguing, A Pageless Book. Simply wonderful! I can't wait to move on to chapter 2. Well done!

Comments on Chapter 1...

It's not really my sort of read, but I am impressed with some of the writing here. "The cock had cock-a-doddle-dooed" - I like that line, but I wondered if you meant "doodle" rather than "doddle". I also wondered whether "Toyoda" and "99.9 af-am" were meant to be "Toyota" and "99.9 FM". There were a couple of other not-quite right phrases like this that gave me pause, because I didn't know whether they were mistakes or perhaps puns or word games referring to things I don't know about.

I won't pretend to know exactly what you're trying to do here, but it does possess an undeniable style and evidence of considerable talent, so I'll give it a run on my rotating shelf.

Best wishes with it.

Regards,

TomW

Dear Efadul, I’m really enjoying this: it’s as skillful as it is original. I admire how you interweave Shakuntala’s story with Hamdu’s: I know from your pitch that you continue to combine stories throughout—if you always do so as smoothly and playfully, I’m in for a treat.

I also admire the pace, intensity, and inclusiveness of your narrative: you immediately draw the reader in and keep her diverted and occupied with a variety of images brief scenes before introducing your main characters. What I found especially surprising and imaginative is the animism and the anthropomorphism: the river, a tree, even “the desolate countryside” into living, feeling characters. As for your human characters, they are well drawn and quite fascinating: people I want to know more about.

I have a feeling that your unusual approach to the natural and the material is related to the religious themes mentioned in your pitch. I’m eager to reach the major portion of your story. On my shelf. Maria, The Pharaoh’s Cat

I love this book, you have a beautiful grasp of language and use your talent wonderfully to weave your story through its passages. A higly imaginative idea, with many delicious threads wandering through its' seams. I like stories that jump into random peoples heads and reveal a small part of their life, as yours did to great effect. I have a way to go to finish it, but am caught up in your story and allowing it to take me to the edges of my imagination.

Shelved and loved
Alex

The premise of your book is great and you have a unique style. I like the fact this defies most of what commercial fiction is 'apparently' about - it is a work of art in itself. Shelved.

The premise of your book is great and you have a unique style. I like the fact this defies most of what commercial fiction is 'apparently' about - it is a work of art in itself. Shelved.

A unique approach to a much thought about subject. Descriptive writing and some tantalising questions asked.
I am backing this even though it could do with some careful scrutiny for typos and the odd repetition.
Writing is hard work, but then everything worthwhile in life requires hard work, and this novel will be worth all the work you put into it.
So all the best of luck, and if you have time I would be interested to hear what comments you have to make of my psychological thriller, Pinpoint.
Best wishes,
Sheila, (Pinpoint)

This is a very layered, extraordinary story. You have one of the most unique writing styles I've seen. It is descriptive and certainly breaks the mold of conventional writing.

I do think you can edit this tighter (we all can do that with our manuscripts). I'm assuming "Toyoda" is a typo for Toyota.

I'm backing because this is a worthy effort, and a good story.
Mark

I like the subject matter and your exceptional writing makes this all the more memorable. You have a way with words and you put it into good use. I also liked the premise of your book and look forward to finding out where it will all lead.

I’m curious about the pageless book because they said that when the Holy Quran has wordless pages it means the end of the world is near. Just a thought, guess I’ll find out if there’s a link as I read more.
I jumped ahead slightly and like the “when men lacked grey matter” very funny.

Shelved.

My suggestion would be about reducing the length of some sentences. They are part of your great style and you should keep them, but in some cases they may need the reader to go over them more than once which could be distracting. For example the one starting with “as the driver’s humming” may be a bit too long for typical readers like myself.
Typo “toyoda” should it be Toyota?

Hope you don’t mind me making these comments. You have a good book and I hope my backing will support its rise up the charts.

beautiful book... this story awsome..

beautiful book ...

Hi Efadul,

You have a powerful opening that grabbed my attention and kept me glued. Your imagery is splendid. You have a great way with words and a wonderful story.

Your prose is tight. This is very impressive and the story has a lot of promise.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

Hi Efadul. I was really impressed with Dancers in Darkness. I like most books. The quality of the prose is more important to me than the genre. Yours I thought was exceptionally good, and your plot, and your characterisation. So it is on my bookshelf. All the best. Phil.

Efadul, i'm afraid this isn't for me. i think it is so far away from what i read that i just don't have anything useful to say. sorry to be such a wash-out.
xx
maitreyi
BLOGSPOT

the pitch : 'A prophetess etc.." you could easily slip a very into this sentence.

also you describe a lot of your ideas about the novel in your pitch where i would quite like to see a hook for the would-be reader.
moving on.
maitreyi
BLOGSPOT

Love your sense of humour, especially in the later chapters. A very artistic piece of writing with much potential to become very important in literary circles. With a lot of allusions to history and literature, this is a book that can be talked about on many different levels.

The fragmented presentation gives it a kind of movie effect - that's what I would like to call it. From scene to scene you keep fleeting like a butterfly and each scene is beautiful or ugly (as needed by the story) but ever evocative of what it wants to say.

Moreover, the poems in the chapter 'Messages from the Dark' are so beautiful that I was totally blown away. I have noticed that you are trying to merge poetry with prose and that is a very innovative thing to do. Well done.

What's most interesting is that: I tried reading this book from the middle, in the end and at the beginning and guess what? it doesn't matter at all if I read by breaking the chapters. its so easy that way. just flip to the last chapter and there you have a kind of short story. flip to one of the middle chapters and there you have another short story. it hardly feels like a novel sometimes. but then again, when I tried reading it in sequence, it feels like a novel. That is something quite unexpected but so refreshing from a book's technique.

Best of luck! On my shelf.

Hey Efadul-
Keep plugging this book. Be shameless! It needs a little green up-arrow!
Bex

Your writing flows nicely, offers the reader excitement and great dialogue and imagery.

Efadul-
I've been sitting here for five minutes trying to think of the right word for your prose. Delicious. That's it. Juicy and succulent and rich. Like the best curry. I've read up through chapter 6. If I had this book, I would slip into a hot bath and luxuriate in it. Alas, reading on the screen kills my eyes, so I'll stop.
Yes, this needs a patient reader. We are still out here.... dwindling in numbers, I think, but still here. What a writer you are. You have crafted something unique and poignant here-- a book that can be read on many levels and yet does not come across as being pompous or preachy.
Did you spell Toyota Toyoda on purpose? There are so many elements of this world that are not quite as we know them that I wasn't sure if it was a mistake or one of those small but disconcerting differences that you find in a parallel universe....
Well done. You're on my shelf.
All the best,
BexMcK (The Devil's Box)

Dancers in Darkness

Hi Efadul, What a beautiful piece of writing, you have set out to do something very ambitious here, mystical, poetic and thought-provoking and I think you succeed on all three front. Beautiful title, evocative, as well as chapter one's title, really demands that the reader thinks. You have gone for allegory as much as contemporary and you have a rare gift, making literary fiction compelling in terms of both narrative and what will happen next, best wishes - Andrew W.

a very well written book.im very impatient but this was worth reading.amazing work! it stunning how u captured the scenes,they are extremely vivid and must say the sarcasm was beautiful.intelligent,in one word.best of luck buddy!

Efadul
This is an ambitious story of depth and meaning. There’s something of Salman Rushdie in this and I applaud you for the attempt.
Before the bigger picture, some nitpicks:
* “she was vulnerable to the invulnerable penetration…” – I would delete invulnerable because it jars and seems unnecessary. Perhaps a different word.
* Two sentences in short succession repeat “he walked to Shakuntala”
* Not clear to me why you switch to present tense in the paragraph starting “Pain runs…”
* ..and Shakuntala awoke[.] “Who…”

The big picture comment is that it’s not quite there yet. There’s editing and rewriting to be done. Little things like the over use of names like Shakuntala when “she” would have made it easier to read. Also more “show” than “telling”.
On a positive note, you have a distinctive style and a huge tale, so there’s a lot of promise and a good editor could make this commercial.
On my shelf to help you on your way.
Chris (I Dare You)

Love your pitch. I especially like the two lines>And in the end it ends up giving a whole new meaning to itself that is not to be told but discovered and felt. Interesting and sounds like a good read and my kind of read. I have it on my WL so I will begin to read it in a couple days.

Hello Efadul,

This is a brilliant piece that shows how far you can stretch your imagination. I was fascinated by the concept and admired the smooth way you wrote it. It tells of talent. Shakuntala is succinctly portrayed and you did a fabulous job describing the grandmother in her effort to stay current with her descendants and avoid the home of the elderly. The dialogue is engaging, narrative is good and the setting is great.

However, crafting the story around an unfolding plot and a central character or central characters would make it even more compelling. And tightening it a little would add to its appeal.

Overall, this is a fascinating story.

All the best.

Janvier (FLASH OF THE SUN)

Efadul,
Your book is well written and breathtaking. The title alone has an intriguing pull to check what's in the tale. I took up to three chapters and they sound very and gripping. 'Show' more in chapter 1 than 'tell,' to keep the reader out of breath, the more. Your making of images are very excellent, and that has made the stuff what every gothic reader is looking for in a tale. Great work, will continue. Be on my shelve.

Efadul,

I read through three chapters and overall I can see where you're trying to go and I hope all your readers can also and will continue reading through the book. I always stop at 3 or 4 chapters because I know by then if it's good enough writing to back and yours definitely is, so it's on my shelf and I wish you the best of luck in your future literary career.

Peace,

Keith G.

Hi Efadul.

You certainly know how to create fascinating images. But without a discernable story line, or protagonist (MC), the visuals are more apt for poetry than the novel.

You said it best on your long pitch: "for a patient reader." Sadly, in these speeding times, readers are far from patient! So give them what a want – a cohesive plot and characters that jump out, demanding we care about them.

Other reflections:
Don't know why you have the italics on "nobody." I'd suggest a strong reworking of the grammar and punctuation. There are many run-ons, more like trains of thought rather than proper sentences. It's God, not gawd, unless there's a reason for this spelling?

The visuals are fascinating. But the syntax is puzzling, hard to follow. Ploughing fields for water isn't quite right. Maybe "dredging?"

The jumping POV's are hard to follow. Not sure who's talking.

Would love to see this further on down the road, once you've reworked it a bit. All best, Kimberly

With the risk to sounding patronising, in the opening chapter your Point Of View is very erratic. You jump from one’s thoughts into another’s (even the river’s).

There is too little conversation, and in a recent “HarperCollins Wrote” feedback, the editor commented: “The power of great dialogue within a novel should never be underestimated.”

On the other hand it looks a very interesting story.

Kostas
Hariklia’s Icons

Hello Fred,

I really appreciate that you have read DID (Dancers in Darkness).
I like the precision of using the word 'cannula'. In fact, it'll strengthen the last portion's prose which revolves around a doctor and his patient. I will make that change. Thanks.
I would be glad if you check out some other chapters in case you find any of them more of your liking. Well, thanks again.

Wishes,
Efadul Huq

Hi Efadul,
This really isn't my kind of read. You say in the synopsis it's for a patient reader and you are right. I'm not.
I can still appreciate your marvelous writng.
Strong vivid pictures, slow pace (for me) living characters, good dialogue.
Only one minor carp. When Shakuntala awakens in the hospital you say 'with a syringe in here arm' it should be a cannula in her arm. I suppose cannula doesn't quite fit because the medical terminology doesn't fit the writing. Similarly 'displaced' could be dislocated or fractured. Minor points and probably meaningless in the context of the style of your writing.
I enjoyed reading this very much. I've often wondered how it would be to be a tree!
Over all this is excellently written and beautifully crafted and deserves a place on my shelf.
Best Wishes,
Fred (Swords across the Rhenus)

Once I was over the "Toyoda" blunder, I found your story very entrancing. I think it is well written and jogged my mind to ponder more than just what I was reading. I had to pause and think of things in my own life and those I know. Well written and very Philosophical. I am backing it.

Hi Efadul,
This really isn't my kind of read. You say in the synopsis it's for a patient reader and you are right. I'm not.
I can still appreciate your marvelous writng.
Strong vivid pictures, slow pace (for me) living characters, good dialogue.
Only one minor carp. When Shakuntala awakens in the hospital you say 'with a syringe in here arm' it should be a cannula in her arm. I suppose cannula doesn't quite fit because the medical terminology doesn't fit the writing. Similarly 'displaced' could be dislocated or fractured. Minor points and probably meaningless in the context of the style of your writing.
I enjoyed reading this very much. I've often wondered how it would be to be a tree!
Over all this is excellently written and beautifully crafted and deserves a place on my shelf.
Best Wishes,
Fred (Swords across the Rhenus)