Book Jacket

 

rank 168
word count 85228
date submitted 13.06.2009
date updated 06.02.2011
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Thriller...
classification: moderate
complete

Conscience

Peter Scholes

Twenty people, twenty lives, thousands of thoughts with every genre crashing together. Always let your conscience be your guide. It may save your life.

 

Things are not always as they seem. We hide our secrets by what we don't say. We often think what we can't bring ourselves to say. Every action has a consequence and so does every thought.

A child has died. Was she killed or was she really saved?

Do we decide our own guilt? Only your conscience can answer that.

An angry housewife, a disorientated groom, a distraught Mum, an impatient shopkeeper, a randy husband, a lazy but caring priest, a fiesty invalid and a couple of bickering pensioners. These are just a few of the characters in this tight knit thriller that bring this intricate, roller coaster of a novel alive.

'Conscience' is the story of how thoughts can trigger a chain of disturbing, funny and outrageous events. And when twenty very different people are involved the consequences are frightening. As we get to know the varied and complex characters we are sucked into a tale of mishap and murder. Always let your conscience be your guide.


After a considered, patient start, the links between the characters overlap to produce a thriller that will leave you wondering just what on earth goes on in the mind of others.

 
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tags

conscience, crime, fear, guilt, intrigue, love, panic, tension

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582 comments

 

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Sharda D wrote 40 days ago

Hi Peter,
Here for our reading swap.
I like this, it's original, fun and quirky. I read the first two chapters and felt that you'd really got into the characters heads. Could identify with the thoughts of both the housewife (I am one) and the Asian shopkeeper (I'm Asian!) Some parts were laugh out loud funny. Marvellous.
In fact, for the housewife it was sadly uncanny how accurate your stream-of-consciousness was!
I like the ideas for the novel presented in the long pitch, the sort of thing I'd pick up at a book shop and be intrigued by.
Niggles?
I felt the voices at times didn't always flow as smoothly as they could. Things like "He has knocked the fun out of me" could be changed to "He's knocked the fun out of me". I think you can get away with more short-hand and a more conversational tone as it is internal dialogue. Or "That'd be a reason to leave him" instead of "That would be a reason to leave him". I think what I'm gettting at is that sometimes the language seemed a little stiff for internal voice. Not sure, maybe that's just the way I talk to mysefl!! I guess that you have to make them all sound different verbally which must be hard.
Anyway best of luck with this, edit it up and send it out to agents & publishers, don't languish here in Authonomy!!
Very happy to give you five stars.
Sharda.
http://www.authonomy.com/books/42835/mr-unusually-s-circus-of-dreams/

fayha wrote 42 days ago

I have read only chapter one its a very different kind of book. you write brilliantly and I enjoyed the humour.
I didn't get into the story straight away but once I did I loved it. On my watchlist highly starred.

Kim Padgett-Clarke wrote 55 days ago

I wasn't sure quite what to expect when I began reading Conscience. I thought reading something that had no dialogue would be difficult and quite boring but I was pleasantly suprised. You held my attention throughout all three chapters I read so that speaks for itself. The concept is highly original and it works very well. Your style of writing suits the stories. I will go back and read more chapters soon. Well done.

Neville wrote 91 days ago

Concience.
By Peter Scholes.


A super book, hilarious, witty, very funny throughout...really enjoyed what I’ve read so far (to chapter fifteen).
Most of the male characters remind me of Tony Hancock who used to be on the radio, that’s some time ago, but occasionally some of his past shows crop up on t.v.
You must have had a great time writing this. I hope so... I'm enjoying reading it.
It’s hard to comment on your book because humour is the main theme and it’s done brilliantly.
This is my type of humour as well, can’t describe it...but it’s there alright.
I intend to read to the end of this, but felt I should say what I thought of it so far.
Many stars until I get back again, Peter.

Best regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

FRAN MACILVEY wrote 129 days ago

Dear Peter

I have read the first five chapters of "Conscience" - a very interesting idea, which works surprisingly well. There are flashes of humour everywhere, as well as all your really accurate observations of life. The uncharitable housewife, the confused shop owner, the skiving company executive. I am always wanting to read the next slice. Very well done! Your empathy and observational talents are an education. Rated.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :-)

Sharda D wrote 40 days ago

Hi Peter,
Here for our reading swap.
I like this, it's original, fun and quirky. I read the first two chapters and felt that you'd really got into the characters heads. Could identify with the thoughts of both the housewife (I am one) and the Asian shopkeeper (I'm Asian!) Some parts were laugh out loud funny. Marvellous.
In fact, for the housewife it was sadly uncanny how accurate your stream-of-consciousness was!
I like the ideas for the novel presented in the long pitch, the sort of thing I'd pick up at a book shop and be intrigued by.
Niggles?
I felt the voices at times didn't always flow as smoothly as they could. Things like "He has knocked the fun out of me" could be changed to "He's knocked the fun out of me". I think you can get away with more short-hand and a more conversational tone as it is internal dialogue. Or "That'd be a reason to leave him" instead of "That would be a reason to leave him". I think what I'm gettting at is that sometimes the language seemed a little stiff for internal voice. Not sure, maybe that's just the way I talk to mysefl!! I guess that you have to make them all sound different verbally which must be hard.
Anyway best of luck with this, edit it up and send it out to agents & publishers, don't languish here in Authonomy!!
Very happy to give you five stars.
Sharda.
http://www.authonomy.com/books/42835/mr-unusually-s-circus-of-dreams/

fayha wrote 42 days ago

I have read only chapter one its a very different kind of book. you write brilliantly and I enjoyed the humour.
I didn't get into the story straight away but once I did I loved it. On my watchlist highly starred.

Kim Padgett-Clarke wrote 55 days ago

I wasn't sure quite what to expect when I began reading Conscience. I thought reading something that had no dialogue would be difficult and quite boring but I was pleasantly suprised. You held my attention throughout all three chapters I read so that speaks for itself. The concept is highly original and it works very well. Your style of writing suits the stories. I will go back and read more chapters soon. Well done.

Kim Padgett-Clarke wrote 55 days ago

I wasn't sure quite what to expect when I began reading Conscience. I thought reading something that had no dialogue would be difficult and quite boring but I was pleasantly suprised. You held my attention throughout all three chapters I read so that speaks for itself. The concept is highly original and it works very well. Your style of writing suits the stories very well. I will go back and read more chapters soon. Well done.

Neville wrote 91 days ago

Concience.
By Peter Scholes.


A super book, hilarious, witty, very funny throughout...really enjoyed what I’ve read so far (to chapter fifteen).
Most of the male characters remind me of Tony Hancock who used to be on the radio, that’s some time ago, but occasionally some of his past shows crop up on t.v.
You must have had a great time writing this. I hope so... I'm enjoying reading it.
It’s hard to comment on your book because humour is the main theme and it’s done brilliantly.
This is my type of humour as well, can’t describe it...but it’s there alright.
I intend to read to the end of this, but felt I should say what I thought of it so far.
Many stars until I get back again, Peter.

Best regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

CGHarris wrote 97 days ago

You have a very original style of writing. It took me a bit to get used to it but once I did I enjoyed it. This is a stand out book for sure. Thanks for the read.

A G Chaudhuri wrote 105 days ago

Dear Peter,

My apologies for the late review.
‘Conscience’ is certainly a very unique idea for a novel.
An entire story told for the most part as a stream of thoughts.

I read the first four chapters and enjoyed them immensely – the disgruntled housewife, the bored and irritable shopkeeper, the horny executive and the malcontent cop. You have shown great depth and range in expressing a variety of emotions in a diverse group of characters. Your writing is clean and professional, and peppered with a healthy dose of humour throughout.

Thereafter, I glanced through a few chapters at random in order to make a proper assessment of your work. It’s not hard to see what you’ve tried to achieve here. I’ve found this approach working very well in some films. But I’ll be a little careful while using it as a literary device, especially in a thriller. The only concern is that twenty chapters introducing twenty different characters only through narrative, no matter how brilliantly done, can get a bit tiresome for readers. Genre fans in particular will be keen to skip the introductions and get straight to the action.

I’d suggest that you intersperse the character intros with snippets of the core plot in order to hold the readers’ attention.
Thereafter, when things finally come together, the climax will be even more enjoyable.

That’s it for now. I hope you find my observations relevant and useful, and look forward to reading the full story later.
My rating: 6 stars (for style). All the very best to you.

Warm regards,
AGC


bunderful wrote 119 days ago

I'm really torn about your novel - I read the first three chapters (so it could be that I would need to read more to be a fair judge) - one the one hand - your characters are raw and real. I think that the voices you create for them are accurate and realistic and sound very similar to our own thoughts / thoughts we may have experienced at some point in our lives. Therein lies the empathy and universality of what you've written. On the other hand, there's a fine line between something that comes across as reality/realistic and something that comes across as full of angst. Sometimes I thought your characters were brilliant and real and human, other times I just found them a bit cranky and bitchy - especially when all three were unhappy with their lot in life. Perhaps everyone is unhappy with their lot in life to some degree and that is what you are trying to say, but if not, I think that your novel could use a bit of tweaking in terms of trying to make the characters seem more well-rounded and human (as in they have moments of happiness and joy along with the angst an pathetic-ness that they exude...)

But I really did enjoy what I read. Your characters are well-formed and believable - they are "everyman" to a certain degree - and that certainly takes skill to be able to write like that...

Sorry it took me a while to return this read. Thanks for supporting "Master of the Miracles" last month.

- Rena

FRAN MACILVEY wrote 129 days ago

Dear Peter

I have read the first five chapters of "Conscience" - a very interesting idea, which works surprisingly well. There are flashes of humour everywhere, as well as all your really accurate observations of life. The uncharitable housewife, the confused shop owner, the skiving company executive. I am always wanting to read the next slice. Very well done! Your empathy and observational talents are an education. Rated.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :-)

Wanttobeawriter wrote 163 days ago
QuinnYA wrote 176 days ago

This is so unique and so different. It shouldn't work as well as it does but I love the concept of writing directly from the conscience. With this many characters, it should feel confusing but it didn't. Each one that I read was individual and varied from the others. it's fun and made me chuckle in a few parts. It gives the reader something to think about which is good but in a light way. A great job on something I've never seen before. A sure winner and will end up on my shelf eventually!

Missy

Philthy wrote 192 days ago

Hi Peter,

So sorry it’s taken so long to get to your book. I’m here now, though. Below are my findings and comments. They are, of course, my humblest opinions, so take them for whatever they’re worth.

Short pitch: Love it.

Long pitch:

My only gripe is that I’m having to read a whole lot of your pitch before I get to the point. Seems to kind of ramble. Be careful not to lose the reader while trying to build the mystery.

Chapter one

“ninety nine” should be hyphenated

Cannot is one word

“just so he can have a bulge” lol great humor

I love the approach of this. Just conscious thought. Very unique, and written very effectively. I would have thought it’d be tough to pull off, but you make it look easy. A credit to your talent.
Great voice, good storytelling. This should do well here. High stars! I will give this some shelf time when I get a spot. It's definitely worthy of a backing.

Best of luck.
Phil
(Deshay of the Woods)


Bill Scott wrote 207 days ago

An entire book written in stream of conscience? Highly original. The housewife has a great voice, however I'm glad it's not in my house. The shop keeper made me laugh. I'm not going to be able to go into the quickmart without wondering what the person behind the counter is thinking. I only had time for four. It's a very ambitous project, I hope you're able to tie all these characters/stories together and I hope you succeed because it's a lot of fun to read.

Best
Bill
HAKTAW HEART

MrKarats wrote 233 days ago

Peter,

I read 24 of your stories. I liked four the most: The Priest, The Husband, The significant other (personal favorite), The cahier.
To be honest, in most of them I felt being unrelated to the monologue, even when there were several people thinking in one story... I don't know what to tell you, you seem to be having your audience on here. Plus, I can see many of them being staged as parts of plays (just my opinion this one), but others I did not get...
I don't want to discourage you, cause your choice to do what you did is admirable on its own merit.

And can't imagine how I can be objecive here... I keep the good stories of yours in mind. They were really enjoyable.

Yannis

Sue50 wrote 234 days ago

Conscience was recommended by CC Brown author of Dark Side. Loved the first 3 chapters! Happy to put you on my shelf. Good Luck!
Sue50

a.morrison712 wrote 245 days ago

I agree with some of the below comments about the pitch. If you want to learn how to craft a good one go no farther. You have an excellent way of drawing in the reader. I just loved it. The pace was perfect for your intended age group. I'd love to know how your students responded to the story! I'll be reading more as time permits. Good luck with this. 6 stars!

Ashley
'Maddy Hatfield and the Magic Locket'

Ivan Amberlake wrote 259 days ago

Conscience

Peter,

The pitches are excellent – I’m highly intrigued.

I’ve read The Housewife - Wow! I love this chapter!

The Shopkeeper is awesome!

Now I see how you planned to make it :) The Husband – superb! I’ve never enjoyed a stream of consciousness so much before!

Thoughts – you are so good at them. You show us all from the inside! This is amazing! I’ve read 6 chapters and will return to read more because this book really stands out. What I can add – I'm eager to know what happens next. There are 20 people here – I’d love to get to know each and every one of them.

Six-star rated with genuine pleasure!
Ivan Amberlake

Dancing Man wrote 262 days ago

A remarkable piece of work with an assured command of voices and comic talent and an original structure. I don't think I can fault the technical side of the interior dialogue except that here and there an abbreviation could usefully replace the longer form ("can't" for "cannot") - copy-editing stuff and barely worth mentioning.

Like other readers I'm curious whether this structure will work as a commercial novel: in some respects it feels as if written for radio. But it deserves to be professionally considered, and I'm happy to back it.

Stopper wrote 270 days ago

Ex LF 40, or is that dormant, or restarted. Review

The first chapter is a gem, and right of the bat it shows the complete hypocrisy that underlies human relationships. The other chapters do similar but none are quite as effective as this, in a way the other chapters kind of reinforce the idea, but the repetition becomes a bit, well repetitive.

There's nothing wrong with the ambition but I do feel that maybe this would be better structured with just two or three vignettes followed by a narrative drive to link them, then repeat if still necessary.
The way it is structured the promise of that narrative drive fades, gets lost amongst the vignettes.

As for the writing, well I wouldn't suggest a change of structure if I didn't like the writing to begin with, the capture of individual voices, the constant questions of consciousness, all this I really like but I do feel it lacks the narrative drive to pull this reader through.

Jim Barrass

AunaJune wrote 278 days ago

Interesting pitch. Not something I would normal look at, but it has a very fascinating way of drawing the reader in. Your writing technique is what I would say elegant, and I really enjoyed reading through your chapters. The dialogue works well, the characters are likeable, and the reader needs more with the end of every page. I really wish this book the best of wishes. I know it would be something I would have on my bookshelf to read over and over again.

Auna June
Catalaysia: The Curse of Five

J.S.Watts wrote 289 days ago

LF40 Review

Chapter 1

Strong characterization. I liked the realistic voice, but by the end I was starting to wonder where it was going.

You might want to think about a punctuation audit, particularly commas.

Chapter 2

Another strong and entertaining voice. I wondered whether it was a little too close in tone to The Housewife – both disgruntled, annoyed with their partners, dissatisfied with their lot.

Chapter 3

A clearly different voice this time – strong and authentic. I am enjoying reading each well crafted vignette, but I am starting to wonder, collectively, where this is headed.

Chapter 4

I like the dual voice approach.

Chapter 5

Another nice vignette, but I’m going to have to come clean. As well written as they are, theses talking heads are starting to get a little samey in my head and the thought of having to read another 14 or 15 is not appealing. I’m going to skim the next few chapters to see where that leaves me.

Chapter 6 – 20

I like The Priest, amongst others, but I am flagging: too many vignettes, not enough conspicuous story line to hold my interest. This may, of course, be something of a self-fulfilling prophecy - I get bored with not having a clear linear story to follow, start skim-reading and therefore miss out on any story that is being tracked through the talking heads – in which case, sorry.

In conclusion, this is well written and individually the talking heads are strong and clear, but collectively they became a bit too overwhelming for me and made for too considered and patient a start. I really wanted to see a stronger story line, but others may not feel the need for a narrative up front as much as I do.

I realise that a more joined-up narrative does kick in after chapter 20, but, as you will have gathered, I was flagging before then.

J.S.Watts
A Darker Moon

Tom Bye wrote 312 days ago

Hello Peter
Book- Conscience-

This book of yours turning out to be a very fast read, all so matter of fact,
At time i thought i was looking at a 'Woody Allen' film.
Everything so modern, sharp and witty, only himself cornered this market.
People brooding, their thoughts flowing, regarding everything that blinks, as they say.
Of course, everyone has an opinion on how the other person should think- i leave my case there!!
The book itself is a very interesting, it's different . it's original, it's very good
Enjoyed reading the first five chapters and then some five or so more further down the line..

good luck with it, and it deserves its high ranking.
tom bye
book- from hugs to kisses'
oblige please and glance at mine and comment or back if you like it .thanks

Joshua Jacobs wrote 312 days ago

The greatest strength in Conscience is the voice. Right away, you capture a stream-of-consciousness writing style that accurately depicts the thoughts of your characters.

Right off the bat, I love the rebellious house wife. “I should maybe keep them on the same key ring but I refuse to because that is what he wants me to do.” Her voice is humorous and her frustrations realistic. While I sure hope my wife doesn’t want to cut off my… well… you know, I do know she’s stubborn like this woman and has probably had some of these same thoughts. I like that you start with her because I feel her perspective is one of the easiest to connect with (so far) and it’s well-crafted.

I also really enjoyed The Husband’s perspective, especially the last two sentences of the chapter. Nice touch.

This is well-edited and polished. Usually I keep track of typos and suggestions, but for the most part, I read this one for enjoyment.

My one and only concern with this is though the pitch promises to tie all of these stories together, it’s difficult to see how they’re going to tie together and what relation they have with one another in the opening chapters. As more perspectives are introduced, it may also become tedious keeping track of all of the characters. From the comments, it sounds like you do a good job of this and tie everything together in the end, but I wonder if the casual reader needs more of a linear, coherent plotline to drive them forward? Just a thought.

This is an ambitious novel with something for everyone. It’s unlike anything I’ve read before. You successfully capture an array of voices that are realistically depicted through their thoughts. The writing is addicting. If you only have time to read the first chapter because you’re running late, then sorry, but you’re going to be late. I found myself reading far beyond my usual first chapter or two. I did eventually pull myself away after Ellen and David’s chapter because I’m on vacation and my wife probably thinks I’m neglecting her, and as I established earlier, I don’t want to upset her too much. I’ll definitely be back for more.

Is there a market for this type of novel? Honestly, I don’t know. But I do know it was entertaining. Check out this novel. It’s a good one. Highly rated and recommended!

Stark Silvercoin wrote 312 days ago

Conscience is a well-crafted tale with a lot of characters. I always admire novels where overlapping characters come together in unexpected ways. Quite a few novels do this to some extent, though normally only with a handful of characters. Very few can handle it with too many beyond four. Stephen King’s Under The Bubble comes to mind as a successful modern tale with lots and lots of characters. Peter Scholes’ Conscience is another.

With so many characters, there are I think twenty main ones here, it would be so easy for the story to slip aside and readers to fall into confusion, but that does not happen. The reason is the very strong characterization and the many differences between the characters. You won’t get a priest mixed up with an introspective invalid. Each character is introduced with their own chapter, and we get to see insights into their thoughts, which really helps us to identify with them.

When the story starts to come together, you will be treated to a lot of a-ha moments. Seemingly miniscule actions of one character will have dramatic affects on another. I’m not sure how author Peter Scholes kept track of everything. Images of his writing desk littered with flow-charts comes to mind. The end result is a unique and well-written novel that is as enjoyable as it is original.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

ChristinaN55 wrote 327 days ago

The first chapter really feels like it has been written by a woman. Lines like "he keeps them (his car keys) in his pocket just so that he can have a bulge" sounds like something a woman would say. In fact the whole first chapter sounds like how a woman would think. But you're a male author, so well done in getting in touch with your feminine side, however bitchy it may be... !
Will be reading more but have starred it already as I already like what I've read.
:)

TheEyesHaveIt wrote 330 days ago

Brilliant and backed.
R

katjay wrote 333 days ago

Unique. Some inspired characterisation. Like a lot of readers, i guess, I had tears in my eyes reading Ch 6. Heartbreaking. I've read up to ch 8 so far and seen some of the characters coming together. Hooked now and will be reading to the end. Kind Regards Kat xx

NCGunner wrote 344 days ago

OK - only have the time to read the 1st page but I am hooked!
Me all over - losing my keys - not the rest - be back when I have the time - in the meantime popped this one on my shelf - thank you

Andi Brown wrote 349 days ago

I read a few random chapters and they are all brilliant! All incredibly vivid, palpably real portraits of individuals. Will read more to see how they all tie together. This is well done in terms of both concept and execution. I will award lots of stars and watch list, as my shelf is booked for a while.
I hope you'll take a look at Animal Cracker and rate and/or back if you like it.

Best,
Andi

Helianthus wrote 360 days ago

Woah. To all of you who were wrecked over chapter 6, I challenge you to read the rest. Chapter 35 may kill you.

I'm not sure why I had this on my watchlist, but there it was. And since I had an unexpected day off, I had time to read an extra book today. The writing in this is at times a little hard to follow, and some of the sections have font selections which are hard on the eyes (copperplate gothic, impact). It could use some fine-tuning for clarity's sake, because keeping all the characters straight can be hard here and there - which the font changes are meant to help with, I'm sure.

But the story. Oh, what a story. It really did all come together at the end, crashing down, crushing me. I thought the pitch was insane. I thought, "oh pish, he can't mean that." Now I know he meant it.

"Never the twain shall meet." Jesus, I still have chills.

Don't hesistate - read it all.

Mr chop sticks wrote 368 days ago

This is remarkably well written. Chapter one had me laughing out loud because I can’t tell you how many fights there have been in our house over missing car keys. You’re not secretly a woman by and chance? My wife read this and complained that she wished I understood women like you do.
Proud to have this on my shelf. Well done mate.

Jannypeacock wrote 370 days ago

Hi Peter as requested I read ch 6 and as a result I type this with a huge lump in my throat.

This is very well written. The poignant sense of loss is overwhelming. When I discovered the lost love one is a child, killed in a car crash, for me the sadness was compounded tenfold. I could sympathise with Janet and tears streamed down my face as I read of her pain.

You write her thoughts very well. Her disjointed confused ramblings that, thankfully, I can only imagine any mother would fell if her child had been taken from her in the cruellest of circumstances.

Janet is likable and it is very real that, even as a grown woman, she would crave for her own mother to ease her pain. But alas nothing can take the pain away.

As a mother myself this chapter has really toyed with my emotions. The writing is raw and honest and Janet’s suffering is real and heart-breaking.

Janny

LittleDevil wrote 376 days ago

Enjoyed it before, happy to back it again.

Joshua Jacobs wrote 384 days ago

The writing in this is solid, and I love the originality of the opening pages. I did have mixed feelings, though. I found her rants amusing and realistic, and I think we could all visualize the situation she's in right from the get-go. In that regard, this is a huge success. I am concerned the level of whining might be too much for some readers. I didn't particularly like your MC after chapter 1 because of the amount of complaining she did. You might consider a way of maintaining the humor and the premise while creating a more likeable character.

Otherwise, I really enjoyed this and plan to keep reading! Good job!

CarolinaAl wrote 402 days ago

I read your first two chapters.

General comments: An intriguing start. Fascinating main characters. Excellent deep point of view. Good descriptions. Not much tension. Good pacing.

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) 'It would be me that split up the family.' 'That' should be 'who.' Use 'that' for objects. Use 'who' for people.
2) 'Head ache' is one word.
3) "Take advantage of it now," my mother would tell me "it won't last". Comma after 'me.' Also, the period goes inside the closing quote mark.

Specific comments on the second chapter:
1) "Choice is what we need not Quavers". The period goes inside the closing quote mark.
2) 'Come on woman.' Comma after 'on.' When you address someone, offset their name or title with a comma. There are more cases of addressing someone and not offsetting their name or title with a comma.
3) 'I need the bloody car for 6 o'clock.' Spell out numbers 1-99. There are more cases where numbers should be spelled out.

I hope this critique helps you further polish your all important first chapters. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Thank you for supporting "Savannah Fire."

Have a joyful day.

Al

PCreturned wrote 403 days ago

Hi Peter,

As requested, i'm here to peek at your Conscience. :)

I'll comment as I read since I find that the easiest way to keep track. Please don't be offended by any suggestions. After all, they will just be my thoughts. You can always ignore me if you think I'm wrong or stupid. ;)

(Sorry in advance for any typos, but my keyboard’s a bit knackered :()

Chapter 1: I like the way your drop us straight into the housewife's mindset. v effective. She's a bit of a ranter, isn't she? She must be exhausting to live with. Sounds like she's feeling v unappreciated. I wonder, do all housewives feel this way? I'm not sure if I'm witnessing the end of a relationship or just general bitching. Either way, this chapter's darkly funny and full of character.

Chapter 2: The shopkeeper is nicely panicky. As I read, I kept expecting him to have a heart attack . I almost laughed out loud at the "man-sized tissues" thought. ohhh and he's cruel with the porn ;). Again I almost laughed at the "standing proud" bit. This guy's funny.

Chapter 3: The bored husband's stuck in traffic. I can feel his frustration as he drives. wow the woman actually seems to agree to a drink with him. A stroke on incredible luck. Ahh but then disaster is snatched from the jaws of victory by the blocking truck driver. :(

I've 1 tiny suggestion at this point. Since all your book seems to be interior monologue, have you considered loosening off some of the language by using more contractions? eg I think stuff like "..you have moved on 200 metres and you are still stuck..." would read better and fit your writing style better as "...you've moved on 200 metres and you're still stuck..."

Chapter 4: Good to see the police humanised. you make them seem filled with the same worries as everybody else. i especially like the chapter end where you contrast their worries about age. Nicely ironic. ;)

1 tiny suggestion on this police section. Occasionally, I think some of your paragraphs feel pretty long. They could make for pretty intimidating blocks of text on printed pages. Is there any way you could paragraph a bit more often to make the reading easier and quicker for thickos like me? ;)

Chapter 5: He hardly seems like the happiest groom in the world. No wonder, given his crappy surroundings. I winced when I read he was sharing a room with Darren and Colin, and they were obviously going to get him v drunk. God knows what they'll do to the poor sod. ;)

Chapter 6: Janet seems by far the most tortured character of your book so far. has she lost a child? Yes. Violet. and it looks like she was killed by a car. Horrific. I think this chapter is the most gripping and haunting. I really sympathise for poor Janet. I feel her pain. :(

Oops I just saw how long this comment's getting. I guess I better stop before it grows to a ridiculous size. I'll sum up now, and then shut up. :)

I think you have a unique peice of work here. I haven't read anything else like it on authonomy. Your unusual approach really gets us inside your characters heads. I found myself sharing their feelings to a great degree. I think it was fun to see the world from so many different viewpoints, and oddly reassuring to see the humanity in all these v different characters. Your book's a v good read.

I've rated your book as highly as possible, and hope you get noticed by an agent. I think there's a real audience out there for your work.

Best of luck,

Pete

Red2u wrote 403 days ago

YOu have captured the typical woman! Excellent! Thoroughly enjoying the first chapter I have rated well and placed it on my watch list for further reading.
Michelle

Kenneth Edward Lim wrote 405 days ago

Peter,

What a journey "Conscience" has turned out to be, over the hills and through the dales of people's minds. Being made part of the loop, so to speak, of the most intimate thought processes is an intriguing experience. Imagine stitting beside some strange fellow on a bus and being made privy to some awfully awkward thoughts coursing through his brain, including a nagging itch in his nether regions or the resume for a new job he'd illegally made copies of on his employer's photocopy machine. Thank you this unique experience. I'll read passages aloud to my wife. Excellent work.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

CMTStibbe wrote 406 days ago

Conscience: The book cover is a real draw. I haven’t seen one quite like it. Chapter 1 is excellent. The sentences are well structured and convey a fast pace. The content is amusing in one sense but sad in another. The housewife is an enabler―she must do everything. But she is a nurturer. Her conscience talks. Your readers will identify with the lazy, snoring husband who has no clue what his wife is thinking. I think the POV in the first chapter is the strongest I have read on here. Very polished and well researched. Chapter 6 is extraordinarily powerful. Janet has lost her five-year old, Violet. This heartrending gathering of thoughts is so unique, the reader is grabbed, shaken up and released at the end with a flood of tears. And if we go away with this imprinted on our minds, then the author has done a masterful job. This book is distinctive. It won’t be forgotten. High stars. Claire ~ Chasing Pharaohs.

Nigel Fields wrote 415 days ago

I am totally impressed with your clean style and the way you are working with these characters. Good premise. But really good writing. It's the end of the work day here, and I got quite hungry reading chapter two. Five stars for now. I look forward to reading more.
Cheers!
John B Campbell

Katie Wimpenny wrote 416 days ago

Your pitch really grabbed me and your writing flows effortlessly, depicting each character really clearly. I love the fact that you have so much humour and wit in your writing/characters even when they're having a hard time.

Backed with pleasure, best of luck,

Katie

Jay Adiyarath wrote 424 days ago

Hi Peter,
Great writing, although it made me pause and think every fifteen minutes or so, just to grasp the impact of the words (that's not your fault anyway). Only when I read through a few chapters did I get to know all the characters but that served to keep me on my toes and read on.
For now I have placed it on my bookshelf and wish you all the best.

Jay Adiyarath
EXPIRY DATE

Jay Adiyarath wrote 441 days ago

Hi Peter,

Great effort and well balanced. It could easily pass off as case studies in psychology and has several hard lessons for mankind. It's tough to weave such a story, friend.
I've starred it and gladly backed.
Jay Adiyarath

M. A. McRae. wrote 453 days ago

Previously looked at and backed. To be backed again. Marj.

SusieGulick wrote 453 days ago

How totally wonderful you are, Peter!! :) Thank you so very much for backing my memoirs/testimony book. :) May God richly bless you. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I have also gold ******-rated your book :) - could you please ****** mine, too. Every ****** -ing & backing more than 24 hours moves our books up authonomy's lists. :) I want to ask you if you could please keep my book on your bookshelf because, I'm #1 on the editor's desk & I don't want to lose traction & to remain in the top 5 to be chosen February 28. :) Please read my profile page: I had a mini-stroke Nov. 10 with slurred speech for an hour & numbness of tongue still & over 24 smaller ones where I couldn't speak since & I"d sure like to cross the finish line of the editor's desk after almost 1 year of trying on authonomy. :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me :) - I have lost 3 sisters to strokes & my last sister, Mary had 2 heart attacks this past year.

richardraiment wrote 467 days ago

The stars got through :-)
I'll be back.
R
Mademoiselle from Armentieres

richardraiment wrote 467 days ago

Very striking. Had a first look and have watchlisted. Will be back :-) Tried to high-star too, but not sure if it worked. I'll check again, when the gremlins may have been sorted out.
Richar
Mademoiselle from Armentieres.

Rhonda9080 wrote 471 days ago

Wow! Crisp, poignant writing style! I just got on this site, but I'm glad I had a look at your novel as one of my first. I read into ch. 3 but will read more. You've got me hooked!

briantodd wrote 480 days ago

I have read a number of the other many comments and have little to add. The book as a whole is a remarkable work but my first thought was that twenty characters was too ambitious and some didnt hold my interest as much as others. In multi-narrative films such as Inarritu's 'Babel' and Altmans 'Short Cuts' we can see how the characters might begin to connect fairly early on and the experience isnt therefore quite so exhausting as the various threads merge together. As an intellectual exercise this book has to be applauded but I would have found the read more entertaining if possible connections between the characters were introduced earlier.

Francene Stanley wrote 484 days ago

This is a very interesting stream of conscience. Blaming her husband, then releasing him as she looks for her keys. So true to life--such resentment for everything that goes worng with her daily life. One part really had me laughing:
Ramble ... ramble ... cut off his balls.
Then next para: Well they aren't in the living room.

I like the way the writing flows and wonder what will happen next. Whatever it is I know it will be entertaining.

I'll back your book and ask if you will look at mine.

Francene. Still Rock Water.