Danger at Spook Hill

Nice, chatty voice to this which will appeal to the audience. Likeable main character that you can feel immediately. Very visual scenes and a setting that will be familiar to your readers too, but with a pitch that promises lots of strange happenings to be dealt with and solved. Am carrying on reading and will comment again, but very winning so far. On my watchlist for now. :)
Cariad
STONES.

Joel, the cover is a draw - gives a good indication of the weird goings-on. The cosy, intimate style is attractive and the characters amusing and appealing.Love Mom. Shelved.Lynn

Danger at Spook Hill

Hi Joel,

What a fabulous idea and it starts well. As I read through this I was struck how strong your narrative voice is, you may not notice it, a bit like our own faces, our own mannerisms, we never see them from the outside, from an external perspective and therefore don't always get them as quickly. My suggestion for this book which powers along at a jolly pace is to (i) make clear it is young adult and (ii), a supplementary for one really is that you switch the narrative to a first person POV. This would go so well with your narrative voice, you write like you are telling us the story, warm, soft, interesting to listen to, I think the first person POV would really lift this already interesting book even further. Loads happens, there are mysteries and strangenesses galore, a great romp of a read and I ended up trawling through many more pages than I would normally. Great stuff, backing now. If you have the time to look at my book it would be so helpful in this stage of the game.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W
(Sanctuary's Loss)

OK. I just finished reading it. I really like how u write like u talk. I felt like I was really in the story watching the whole thing. - Emma

I left out 1 thing- I felt as if you were next to me when i read this. I could just hear you reading all of this in your crazy voices. This book i could really picture in my mind- i can only do that with really interesting and descriptive books!!! Thanks so much for writting this!
Sarah K.

Mr. Flores-
This is now of newest favortie books!!!!
I really thought the writting flowed and i love how you were very descriptive!
I loved how there were 3 characters and that they were such close friends and the teachers- the teachers made me laugh but still be nervous for Sarah, Joe, and Flem! I thought it was really neat how you used the words and the techniques were learning in class in this story- it really teaches me that we will use the things we are learning right now later in life. I thought it was really neat how you had this go on over one day i nstead of weeks or months! In most of the other books I've read they have never just had the time span a day. I thought that is wasn't to long but it wasn't to short either. You should defintly keep on writting the sequel! I CAN NOT WAIT untill it's finished!
You are the best english teacher ever!
Sarah K. :) Great Job!!!

OK so im on the chapter 9 and i <3 it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo interesting
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ooooooooopsssssssss i left that a lot 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

did u kno u rite like u talk????????????? o btw sarah h. said its really good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

did u kno u rite like u talk????????????? o btw sarah h. said its really good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

did u kno u rite like u talk????????????? o btw sarah h. said its really good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

did u kno u rite like u talk????????????? o btw sarah h. said its really good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

whoa i did that a lot!

I read the 1st chapter its really good. im probably gonna finish it this weekend. :) - egh

I read the 1st chapter its really good. im probably gonna finish it this weekend. :) - egh

I read the 1st chapter its really good. im probably gonna finish it this weekend. :) - egh

I read the 1st chapter its really good. im probably gonna finish it this weekend. :) - egh

I read the 1st chapter its really good. im probably gonna finish it this weekend. :) - egh

This is a fun read, and the writing flows. I love the way the main character tries not to think about Sarah in "that way", and ends up almost caling her beautiful to her face. The voice does seem to be of an excited, confident teen getting ready for school and the science fair. And computer "privacy", a very poopular topic! Good luck with this. Backed.

Hi Joel.
First let me apologise for taking so long to get here for our agreed read-swap. Now, some thoughts.
This is an interesting story and you have a nicely flowing way of telling it. I do think though that there's quite a lot of backstory and maybe not enough action, at least until Joel gets to school. That's when things really start to come to life. I wonder whether you ought to start the book there and ease the backstory in via dialogue?
Ch 2 is a great hook, with the hint of menace, or at least weirdness, about how the teachers are speaking. Most readers would be keen to turn the page and find out what's going on!
I saw a few nit-picks;
Ch 1,
'the pressure...extra pressure..' watch for repetition.
"How do you know?" Sarah would ask.' This needs to be on a separate line.
'guess if we were whispering...our bus driver...' here you have suddenly changed to first person.
Ch 2
'that says a lot in itself..' and here you have changed tense, to the present tense.
I also noticed quite a few commas out of place and your use of semi-colons could do with some work! There are also some awkward-sounding sentences.
But apart from these, I think you have the makings of a good story. I wish you all the best with it.
Cas.
(KING'S ENVOY)

Yes, this is great, my children would have loved it. Putting this on my shelf to read more in stages. Patrick Barrett (Shakespeares Cuthbert)

Hi Joel,

This is a wonderful story. It’s very well written and easy to read.

“Oh, thanks. How’ya doin’(,) Sar?” Use a comma with direct address.

Your characters feel real and your dialogue is believable. You have a wonderful imagination.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

Joel,

This is lovely. You've created excellent characters and set them in an intriguing storyline. What I love most, though, and what I think publishers will be most impressed by, is the distinctive and wonderful voice. Shelved.

Heidi

Joel, I read the first two pages and I think this is good. You have a particular voice. The entry scene is well written. I hope this will be a great read. I will read the rest later but I am backing it.