Book Jacket

 

rank 2106
word count 162309
date submitted 16.06.2009
date updated 24.04.2011
genres: Literary Fiction, Romance, History,...
classification: moderate
incomplete

Duty or Destiny

Grant Moffat

Duty or destiny.I had to make the choice. So although I did my duty to king and country I chose destiny. To live for love.

 

London, 2005


In the crypt below the dome of St Paul’s Cathedral, they stand before my black marble sarcophagus to honour me on this, Trafalgar Day, but it is only my body, crumbled to bleached bones that rests there.

After the battle of the Nile, they called me England’s God of War, but I was no God. Beneath my glittering uniform I was mortal with a man’s weaknesses and it was there, at Naples, that I met my destiny in Emma.Then on that day long remembered,as I looked into the cradle where our beloved daughter Horatia lay, every honour, every victory I achieved was eclipsed by my love for her whom some called whore, but I called wife before God.

Duty or destiny. I had to make the choice so although I did my duty to my king and country I chose destiny. If you, stranger, have known the agony and ecstasy that love brings, then come with me into the world I once knew, then judge as you will, for to know all is to forgive all.

Horatio,Viscount Nelson











 
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                     DUTY AND DESTINY- The story of a great love.

 

 

 

                                          Preface - London, 2005

                                                                            

Under the great dome of St Paul’s Cathedral the chill of the crypt and damp smell of stone suffuse the senses. Between the marble tombs of we who sleep in the arms of eternity, shadowy figures ebb and flow like surf on the shore. In a sea of naval uniforms they stand in silence before my black marble sarcophagus then lay their wreaths of laurel and cypress to honour me on this, Trafalgar Day, but I, Nelson, am not there.

It is only my body, crumbled to bleached bones that lie here in the coffin that Ben Hallowell had made for me from the timbers of the French flagship L’Oriente after I fought the Battle of the Nile. After that victory they called me England’s God of War, but I was no God. They honoured the Hero, but they knew not the man, for beneath my glittering uniform I was mortal with a man’s weaknesses, for although my duty was to love my country, my destiny was to love another man’s wife.

Then on the day  I looked into the cradle where my  daughter Horatia lay, every honour, every victory I ever achieved was eclipsed by my love for her and her mother, my dearest beloved Emma, whom some called whore, but I called my true wife before God..

So if you, who stand  before my tomb have also known the agony and ecstasy that love brings, come with me into the world I once knew, then judge as you will, for to know all is to forgive all,                                                                             

                                                                                                    Horatio, Viscount Nelson

 

 

 

                            1798- To Edmund and Catherine – a son.  

     

           In the September night the wind howled down the study chimney of the red tiled Parsonage like the voice of a lost soul. In a parody of Edmund   Nelson’s anxious heartbeat   rain was drumming against the glass of the windows as he paused in front of the walnut long case clock to read the words inscribed on its brass dial, Time – the measure of our Lives, but now those words mocked him with cruel irony for his beloved wife who had not been due to give birth for another seven weeks was already in labour.  He covered his eyes with his hands, letting his scalding tears ooze though his fingers for the bleak Norfolk coast spared not the weak , so it would be a miracle if their child lived, but yet…. was the Christ he had served for so many years not Himself the greatest worker of miracles of all?

          He turned to the picture of The Holy Family above his desk, where Mary gazed with a mother’s love at the Christ  cradled in her arms and  then bent his head in prayer,

  Blessed Lady, You are a Mother and  know  how fragile is this  thing called life. I beseech you; look down on my dear Catherine   with compassion, and Saint Anne, ease her childbed agonies. Yet forgive  a foolish man's selfishness, for not my will, but that of Thy son, our Lord be  done.  Amen. 

       He had committed his wife and unborn child to God’s will. There was no more to be done. As he heard her scream again in agony he wiped the beads of sweat from his brow then continued his pacing up and down in front of the long dead fire. Then with the realisation that the wind had ceased he wrenched wide the shutters of the window to see a solitary owl glide silently like a wraith across the dawn sky.   What would this new day bring - life… or death?

      Then as the sweet rolling trill of a lone blackbird filled the room, the shrill indignant cry of a new born child soared high above the birdsong, then abruptly, it ceased He turned to snuff out the candles that had burned throughout the night and then slumped into the nearest chair.  So God has called you home already little one, you were just too small, too weak… 

Edmund, who had been Parson of Burnham Thorpe for the past forty three years had buried many infants including two of his own, Edmund, their first born, who had died at fourteen months, and Horatio who had only lived for four. The brothers lay together in the cemetery at Swaffham where the sprig of rosemary that Catherine and he had planted there was now a bush.  Strangely, its   spring blossom was white- not   blue, a reflection, Edmund said, of their innocent souls.

        His throat tightened as he saw the midwife enter, carrying a linen wrapped bundle. Grief darted its glacial finger down his spine, for now there was another infant's coffin to lower into the dark gaping maw of the cold earth...that of his own child. 

“It was God’s will Mrs Tab .The Lord gives and the Lord takes away and it is not for us to question His will.”

“...but Parson your son is alive!”

Edmund raised his head in astonishment’

“What did you say?”

“Mrs Nelson is safely delivered of a son. He is very small, but he is a fighter .I think… no, I am certain that he will live.”

He dabbed his brimming eyes on a crumpled sleeve,

“God be praised, Mrs Tab!"

She eased back the enveloping shawl to expose two flailing arms and a wrinkled scarlet face then laid him in Edmund's  arms. With his tears were dropping unchecked  onto his son’s halo of downy hair, he cradled his  tiny head in his palm, feeling  his son's  tiny fingers lock tightly over his own … Such a powerful grip little one...  your grasp of life is strong... 

 The midwife laid a hand on Edmund’s shoulder,

“"There, don't take on so, Parson. Now you be staying where you are, for you look more than tired, near fit to drop, and you  need rest .Mrs Nelson is sleeping peacefully but it's been a long hard struggle for her and the child, but she will be well enough in a few days. Rest and good food will put all to rights. Now, let me settle your son and then I will bring you a glass of ale to refresh you.”    

Handing his son back to her care he raised his eyebrows.

"Ale you say? I think he deserves more than ale!"

. A shadow of a smile played at the corners of his mouth as he crossed to the decanter on his desk and poured two generous measures of brandy.

“Here, Mrs Tab”

"Oh no sir, I couldn't, not that fine French brandy!"

"I insist for I have   a special son. You yourself said so. He deserves a special toast! Nevertheless he was born nearly two months before his time so I will baptise him without delay and I have just realised today is the day we honour St Michael, and I pray that He, the greatest of the Archangels, will guide and protect him." 

The midwife smiled,

"Amen to that, sir!"

An hour later, with Catherine watching from her bed Edmund baptised him not daring to hope that he would survive, but he clung tenaciously to life.

He was formally baptised on the 9th of October in his father's church of All Saints, with Catherine's illustrious relative, Horace Walpole having agreed to be his Godfather.   As he tapped his gold topped cane down the flagged nave, the village women whispered to each other as they gazed at the embroidery on his velvet coat and pearl- buttoned waistcoat. Not for him, patched homespun and wooden clogs for feet reddened with cold. Their men folk looked with envy at his gold-hilted sword and rounded stomach, for Horace Walpole would never know the gnawing hunger of a bleak Norfolk winter.

Walpole passed the sleeping infant to Edmund who dipped a finger into the font of Purbeck marble and made  the sign of the cross on his son’s forehead just as the sun darted a shaft  of  brilliant  light through the window to bathe father and son in a golden glow,

  "I baptise you Horatio, born on the Twenty Ninth of September in the year of our Lord, 1758, and by the grace of God my son, may your life be blessed."

. The infant, having been rudely woken by the drops of icy water on his forehead began to howl with red-faced indignation. After  handing him  back to Catherine’s care Walpole pulled his handkerchief from behind the lace waterfall of his sleeve to wipe  his godson's forehead , then  turned to Edmund,

“Such a loud cry. Perhaps you’ve been too generous with the water Edmund? What is it  that is said? Let me see if I can remember...”

“Ah yes, I have it. A loud cry at baptism is reputed to be the Devil being driven out and a portent for a life that is Heaven blest, is that not so, Edmund?"

As the christening party made their way down the nave towards the great oak doors Catherine paused, her eyes level with the diamonds glittering in the pin of Walpole’s silk stock, and laid her hand on his sleeve,

"You bear an illustrious name, and we are honoured indeed cousin, to have you as Horatio’s Godfather.”           

"The honour is mine madam, and I will do all I can for the lad."

Walpole inclined his immaculately powdered head as Catherine smiled. She was always very proud that her grandmother had been Sir Robert Walpole’s sister. Now with

 her son's connection with the powerful Walpole dynasty though her  cousin, his future was secured. She smiled down at her yawning child...my dearest son; we have done all we can. The rest is up to you...and providence...

Edmund Nelson’s son had indeed been Heaven blessed, for in the year of his birth, the brilliant arc of Halley's Comet appeared in the sky and as it blazed across the darkness, it was to prove no less astounding than the life of Horatio Nelson, the Parson's son from rural Norfolk.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

               

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Lynne Jones wrote 384 days ago

This is a pleasure to read. You've made history come to life.

markwoodburn wrote 391 days ago

Well researched and I reckon it was a labour of love for you to write! Easily read and informative. Starred, regards, Mark

lizjrnm wrote 799 days ago

This is such an excellent historical novel! It is obvious you have spent time, energy and much research in writing this and it reads with passion! BACKED with pleasure!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Jesse Hargreave wrote 831 days ago

Backed January 27.

Jesse - Savant

bonalibro wrote 832 days ago


Hi,

I backed your book several days ago, and would be happy to leave you a detailed comment if you would have a look at mine and give me your honest opinion of it.
Good luck.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes.

buckman52 wrote 888 days ago

It isn't often that I find a biography so entertaining, interesting and yet so educational. I love to read of the background of someone such as Horatio Nelson and the impact his environment made on him. Fiction woven within fact. Regardless of the fiction you have done a lot of research into the fact. Thank you for so a entertaining read. Backed
Lori Buckman (In Her Own Backyard)

mikegilli wrote 890 days ago

Really fascinating reading. shelved.
it's rare to find i depth research blending into a personal
story.. Congratulations.
in Ireland we were taught that Nelson was
another English pirate, and I remember the celebrations when Nelsons Pillar,
in Dublin, was blown up by the IRA!

gillyflower wrote 890 days ago

The subject of this book, Lord Nelson and his relationship with Emma Hamilton, is one of great interest to me, and so I was already prepared to like this book. I love your beginning, with the birth of Nelson, surviving when his father thought he was lost. The descriptions of the family which follow are very well done. The children are drawn realistically. As the story moves forward, we feel more and more that we know Horatio as a real person, and as he grows up and we follow his life and his first meeting with Emma, the interest continues to grow. A very enjoyable book, full of excitement and action, but mainly enjoyable, to me, for its romance. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Clare Hill wrote 891 days ago

An interesting and powerful start to a historical tale. Punctuation needs revising, but it's easily fixed. Look at the tags for other books - they are key words, for when people use the search facility to look for books to read and review. Backed.

Phyllis Burton wrote 891 days ago

Hello Grant, This is well written and researched. The fact that it is about Nelson would make it a perfect gift for my other half - he is really into that part of Britain's naval history. Would buy this if it was published. So, I am going to help it on its way. Well done. SHELVED with pleasure.

Phyllis Burton
A Passing Storm (Perhaps you could have a look at this for me please?)

Jane Alexander wrote 891 days ago

Really enjoyed this. You've picked a fascinating subject and you really bring the period and the family to life. You also write easily and seemingly effortlessly (though I bet it's anything but!) and there is a lovely balance between description, dialogue and action.
Only a very few things made me pause.
Would the floorboards have been worn? Is it an old house (ie 15th century or something?)
The wind was howling at the beginning but dawn seems peaceful - maybe we need a line to show the wind had abated?
illustrious - repeated in close proximity.
parsonage or rectory? depends if he's a parson or a rector, doesn't it?

That's it - in the chapters I read anyhow. I'd have merrily continued with this and really wish you luck with it.
Very backed.
Jane
WALKER

Jared wrote 894 days ago


I like the idea of biographical fiction, especially so when the subject is a man of such enduring fascination as Nelson. As a reader with a deep-rooted interest in History, I can appreciate the depth of your research on this project (it's a project after all, not a mere book). The cover is wonderful and I like the thoroughly apposite title too.
With the exception of the repetition of “mite” in close proximity, "a mite special" and "a mite tired", in the opening chapter, I've read the first five chapters without pause.
This is fine writing, Grant, and you deserve great credit for bringing a remarkable story to life in such a way.
On my shelf for a spell.
Jared.

Chris 1 wrote 897 days ago

On my shelf! Chris1

Chris 1 wrote 897 days ago

Hello Grant, always been a Nelson fan ever since I read those Ladybird books back in infant school in the 60s. What a hero he is. your book has obviously meant a lot of research and you've lived with your subject.
Nelson's got it all - his rise to eminence, his military/naval genius, his ability to overcome his serious injuries, his determination and bravery. All that AND one of history's greatest, saddest love affairs. I've often wondered why there's never been a modern, full length bio-pic or a BBC TV series. Your book could/should point the way. I have dipped in and out of different chapters at various stages of his life but I intend to read it when you finish it and (hopefully) upload the rest - the best is yet to come! Could you possibly take a look at mine? Thanks Chris1

Jupiter Echoes wrote 899 days ago

Powerful.
This historic fiction, these period pieces, seem to attract very capable writers. Personally, I could not pull off this style. If there is there is flamboyance, it is conservative. Writing of the times, maybe?

Wonderful. I love rock music and i love classical music. This is classical. Fine everything.

BACKED

T.L Tyson wrote 933 days ago

Not my usual read, but written deftly.
I love to read historical books as it gives me a chance to explore a different time and place.
I think this is wonderfully done, which is why I am backing it.
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

andyroo wrote 945 days ago

What a wonderful way to learn about history. Your writing has all the power and imagination of one of the great tv dramas; I can imagine this alongside the Sharpe series, or the Hornblower series. It really took me away into it's descriptions and dialogue, giving me a glimpse at life in the time of Nelson. The words were clear and easy to read, and by that I mean I was bogged down by any superfluous nonsense and could enjoy the writing one hundred percent. The only thing that struck me as needing changing was the use of the word 'mite' twice in quick-ish succession. But that's it on the niggles front. Excellent story, well told.

Andrew

booksbyfay wrote 984 days ago

Hi Grant,
I've read the first chapter and found the writing was excellent. This book should become a Classic. I hope your story gets published soon. I'm glad that I had a chance to read a portion of it.
Thanks,
Fay Risner

booksbyfay wrote 984 days ago

Hi Grant,
I've read the first chapter and found the writing was excellent. This book should become a Classic. I hope yur story gets published soon. I'm glad that I had a chance to read a portion of it.
Thanks,
Fay Risner

Phyllis Burton wrote 986 days ago

Grant,

A beautiful piece of romantic writing: it flows and is easy to read. I would love to see the finished story. Nelson must be one of the most loved and well-known figures in England's history and to make him seem so alive is a great achievement worthy of the man. himself. His birth was profoundly moving, as his father thought that yet another child had died. What a good job it didn't. Well done and I wish you every success with it. Shelved.

Phyllis Burton
A Passing Storm

petrifiedtank wrote 987 days ago

Some cracking writing.

Good luck.

Craig

TheLoriC wrote 988 days ago

LOVE the writing style, the pitch, and the storyline. This is a very easy read and we can also learn a lot from this book. You have a fine talent for storytelling. On my shelf.

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

DMC wrote 992 days ago

Grant
I already backed this, but wanted to read more before commenting, so, sorry for the delay. Now, first off, I love the premise and feel you get over. I’ve been through chapters throughout the upload and this is obviously extremely well written. I particularly relish your descriptions, and exquisite dialogue and characterisation. I’ve always had a passion for historic literature, but I don’t think I’ve encountered a book like this before. There is a timeless ring to your story and prose. You are at the top of the game, my friend. From my humble point of view, this must be a very publishable novel. I would buy it! Please let me know when I can.
Very best wishes,
David
Green Ore
ps your footnotes don't display here for some reason - just so you know.

Helena wrote 995 days ago

I like your writing style and i always enjoy a novel that is educational and easy to read. definitely shelved and cannot wait to read on.
Helena
Loads of Rubbish

agaian wrote 996 days ago

Hi Grant

A strong beginning. As I try and read as little of a pitch as possible I was taken by surprise when I realised it was Nelson and Emma Hamilton. I had heard the story over the years but for the first itme, I actually felt I wanted to know more about Emma.

Shelved

Anthony
('Houses of Sand')
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AJ Davidson wrote 997 days ago

Hi Grant,
Did not think I would be commenting so soon, but I had a spare hour and read a few more chapters at random, including 13, the battle of the Nile. This is the sort of book that I go for. It entertains as well as educates. You write well, bringing history to life and you should be proud of your achievement. I intend to read all that you have posted. Good luck finding a publisher. God knows it's a thankless task these days, now that celebrity has taken over from quality writing, but I'm sure you'll find a home for it. This is a book that deserves to be published.
AJ

Angela Lett wrote 998 days ago

I'm not normally a fan of historical fiction, but this is very readable. I loved the first chapter in particular - evocative and haunting and very real. Definitely worth a spin on the shelf. Angela

Valentina wrote 998 days ago

What a powerful first chapter! The first thing that stuck me was your beautiful imagery but then i got caught up in the waiting for the birth. It is so touching...him praying...the cry of the child...and then thinking it has died. I swear i was crying, and then the midwife says he's alive! Thank goodness! You've drawn me into this family and i really want to watch over them and keep them safe. Well done, happy to back! x

R.A. Battles wrote 999 days ago

Grant,

Happy to back Duty Or Destiny with the following comments and suggestions.

This sentence in your short pitch needs a comma. So although I did my duty to king and country [,] I chose destiny.

The prose in your full pitch provides a nice, early indication that is a work of literary fiction. Good job. A couple of commas need to be eliminated.

Under the great dome of St Paul’s Cathedral, the chill of the crypt and damp smell of stone suffuse the senses. Great opening sentence and great opening paragraph.

You mention this is a biographical novel. That confused me. A biography is a true story; a novel is fiction.

I good a good sense of the time a place from your chapters. You introduce us to Edmund and Catherine well and your literary style is reflected in describing the birth of their son, Horatio.

Historical, literary fiction can be difficult to read if a reader doesn’t have some knowledge of the era in which the novel is written. Your writing and your story are amazingly easy to follow.

After reading the first few chapters, my only major nit is the punctuation. I’m a stickler for good punctuation. There are several sentences that don’t have periods, places where commas don’t belong, places where commas are needed, and places where commas should be periods.

A little ruthless editing can easily correct these problems.

Rodney

Cait wrote 999 days ago



Duty or Destiny:

Hi, Grant, I didn’t think I’d enjoy this as I normally don’t read historical fiction, but I was pleasantly surprised, and your writing just flows like a rill. About half way through, though, I noticed some punctuation problems, and I hope you don’t mind, but I made notes as I went along. I’m afraid some people see me as a pain in the arse noting these things. :o.

For what it’s worth, here it is.

Then as the sweet rolling trill of a lone blackbird began to fill the room the shrill indignant cry of a new born child soared high…

What would you think of this: Then as the sweet rolling trill of a blackbird filled the room, the shrill indignant cry of a new born child soared high…

So God has called you home already, little one. You were too small, too weak. :o(

“...but Parson, your son is alive,” - O my lord, I have goosebumps! An emotional rollercoaster you have me on, sir. :o.

…tear filled… hyphen, here?

…As she laid him in his father’s arms, Edmund cradled his son’s head in his palm his tears dropped unchecked onto his halo of downy hair…Should there be an ‘and’ between palm and his? -Edmund cradled his son’s head in his palm and his tears dropped…?

… Such a powerful grip little one...you may be small but your grasp of life is strong... :o)

…not as young as I was” Full stop needed here. Also needs quotation mark at “Forgive.

And here? "There, don't take on so Parson… - comma after ‘so’?

…dish of tea “ … -Full stop needed after ‘tea’. Also, the quotation mark after ‘tea’ is backwards.

"Tea, you say? I think he deserves more than tea!" – Link this to line above.

"Oh no, sir I couldn't, not that fine French brandy!" Comma after ‘sir’?

"... and how extraordinary, (needs space, here)Mrs Tab, for I have just realised [that] today is the day we honour St Michael .I pray that he, the greatest of the Archangels will guide and protect him from harm." …St Michael .I pray… Delete space before the full stop and make one before ‘I’.

… keep you Horatio, (comma after ‘you’) and I pray [that] you will survive longer…

…gold hilted…hyphen? …red faced…hyphen.

…laid her hand on his sleeve, “You bear… maybe full stop instead of comma after ‘sleeve’?

For a moment, father and son were bathed in its golden nimbus… - Not sure about this. Can’t see the sun creating a 'circle' around them?

Walpole inclined his immaculately powdered head,

"The honour is mine madam, and I will do all I can for the lad." Connect this to line above?

…and man about town… comma after ‘town?
~~~
Loved the scene with Edmund and his new son. :o) If it wasn’t so late (half-two in the AM) I’d read more. :o)

Have shelved this.

Cáit ~ Muckers ~

JohnnySix wrote 999 days ago

GREAT start, though I'm not entirely sure you should use the opening narration from Nelson as your pitch. An agent or a publisher might see that, briefly say "yeah, and?" then move on to the next thing, as you didn't say anything as to what the book was about (this presupposes I know anything about what agents and publishers think, which I don't, really).

Normally historical fiction's a dry read, but you've managed to pace it such that I kept interested. The empty footnotes at the beginning of the first couple of chapters tripped me up, but not so much so that I'll not back it.

Good stuff. Shelved.

lynn clayton wrote 1001 days ago

Grant, from the little I know of Nelson and those connected with him I've always thought his story dramatic and tragic. You've more than done it justice. The depth and beauty of your writing is rare, your scholarship impressive. Great talent. Hope this is published. Shelved.
Lynn

daydreaming wrote 1002 days ago

Grant. Have noticed the updates.One of the best books on the HF site. Backed it first time, pleased to put it back on my shelf

hot lips wrote 1003 days ago

This is well written and moving. From the start it brings a most important moment in history to light. Backed BADD

Elaina wrote 1004 days ago

You are a master. This is beautifully written, has an amazing beginning and you have some of the most evocative descriptions I have had the pleasure of reading. Very well done.

Shelved.

And all the best forward
Elaina

marion wrote 1004 days ago

What a striking beginning to a biography, attention catchng, fascinating, real with an immediacy so hard to achieve when writing about such a well known character - and one of my heros educated as I was in Greenwich with access to the maritime museum. This is so good I had to make an intial comment. I will settle down tonight to read much more... am so looking forward to it.

barabajagle wrote 1004 days ago

i really enjoy historical fiction and this is a good read. it's a daunting task to write about famous people.and i like the way you chose simple direct prose to tell the story; it offsets the "great" deeds of a "great" man. congratulations.

just4kix wrote 1005 days ago

Hi Grant
This is an interesting concept for faction and I admire the amount research that you have obviously put into the work. (I grew up on the Wirral and remember seeing the house in Parkgate where Lady Hamilton lived). You write well and have some lovely descriptions (the lace waterfall of his sleeve). The story flows easily and has a good pace. The dialogue is of the time and sounds natural.
There were a few small errors of punctuation, but these can be time-consuming to point out, however I did note a few. You have omitted hyphens in a number of places:
Ink-stained
Candle-lit
Gold-topped
Gold-hilted
Blue-eyed.
There are a few things I would recommend for the prologue as I didn’t think it was of the same high standard as the rest of the story.
You mention the ‘cold smell of stone.’ I found this a little confusing as stone isn’t always cold (especially if you live in Africa.) Perhaps you could make it ‘the smell of cold stone’. Does a smell permeate the senses? It can only really permeate the sense of smell.
... shadowy figures drift and flow like surf on the shore. Surf crashes on the shore rather than drifts. Perhaps the shadowy figures could drift like the ebb and flow of the tide.
I have taken the liberty of re-writing this paragraph.
In the crypt, under the great dome of St Paul’s cathedral, the smell of ancient stone permeates the cold damp air. Like the ebb and flow of the tide, shadowy figures drift between the marble tombs of we who sleep in eternity. In a sea of naval uniforms, the figures stand in silence before my great marble sarcophagus. They lay their wreaths of laurel and cypress to honour me on this, Trafalgar Day. But I, Nelson, am not there.

‘It was after the Nile that for me duty met destiny. Duty or destiny. I had to make the choice. It was she, Emma, who was my destiny, she whom some called whore, but who I called my wife before God. Every honour, every victory I ever achieved was eclipsed by my love for her on that day long remembered, as I looked into the cradle where our beloved daughter Horatia lay.’
I found this a bit long-winded and repetitive and it would put me off reading the book if I was glancing at it in a bookshop. Perhaps you could have another look at it and tighten the writing.
I hope these comments have been helpful as they are given with the best intentions.
I found the quality of writing to be excellent, and I am happy to back this book
Good Luck
Just4kix

pialia wrote 1008 days ago

Grant:

Straight off, I found your prose to be exquisite with beautiful descriptions and lovely turns of phrase. I think the opening, as such, is particularly haunting and that it was a very good decision to use it as your pitch. I'm happy to back this and read on.

Jeanne

klouholmes wrote 1009 days ago

Hi Grant, A fine escape into past history. From the first, the writing is so well-style and the description well-chosen that the real person is brought out. Nelson being related to Walpole and then his wife being the daughter of a village blacksmith – well, I didn’t know that. Portraying her from the beginning makes the match seem as impossible for the time as rising as high as he did. I also found the boat out to his uncle’s ship exciting. Very readable biographical material that comes alive in your telling. Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

robf wrote 1010 days ago

This is fascinating, definitely want to read more and happy to shelve. It's a subject I know nothing about but should know about so you have succeeded in one of the aims of the biographical novel already. The only thing i noticed is that you need a space after the full stop on the opening line of your pitch. Also, what's happening with the [i]'s? Great writing otherwise.

InternetG33k wrote 1011 days ago

Hi Grant!

I'm here for my return read. I generally make notes of things as I read (like typos and such), but as I was getting ready to post my comments, I noticed KJKron had many of the same punctuation notes, so I didn't bother to list them again. I really enjoyed the period feel of this piece - it's obvious you've put a great deal of work into it. I wondered about the footnotes - are you adding them in later? I'm sure the somewhat fickle nature of formatting on Authonomy makes something like that difficult. At any rate, you do a wonderful job with the dialog (not an easy task to get the "accent" right on paper), and I care about your characters immediately. An excellent, rich read that is heading for my shelf.

~ Traci

mn73 wrote 1011 days ago

Loved this. Beautifully written and immediately interesting. I love historical novels and this is a very fine one. Excellently researched and thought out. Look forward to reading more and hope it does really well here. Incidentally, I remember seeing in the recent Henry VIII programmes that part of Nelson's tomb was made from the abandoned monument for Henry VIII's intended tomb in St George's Chapel, Windsor that was never completed. Interesting fact for you! Shelved.

KJKron wrote 1012 days ago

I like your story - but as an English teacher, I feel compelled to point out a few errors. This is only to make your piece even better. Noticed four run-ons. Easy fixes. Just change the comma to a period or add a conjunction. ...the room, the shrill...in his palm, his tears...your son then I will bring (period after son)...
Purbeck marble the village (period after marble)

Also, you didn´t put period at the end of these quotes: why", delay", while", was", sure", and namesake"

early on...my destiny, she whom (drop she)

And a couple of places you started a new paragraph when you shouldn´t have. "Amen to that
"I baptise
"You bear

I also wrote down "sleeve", but I´m not sure why.

I´m a big believer in backing writers that make an effort to make changes - so once you fix these typos, drop me a message and I´ll back you. Best of luck, KJ

Betty K wrote 1013 days ago

To write a novel of this magnitude about an actual person--especially one so well-known--takes a great deal of courage and a lot of very deep research. You have my admiration from the outset.

I like how the Prologue is presented--reminds me of the narrator in the old English plays who would come out and set the scene. Very dramatic. The very first sentence in chapter 1 is such a fine metaphor, we know immediately this is going to be mighty fine reading. Your writing is exceptionally good and I felt immediately transplanted to the 18th century and that particular home. I am not a very fast reader on these computor screens but I know that I will definitely come back and read the rest before too long.

(One question re the dialogue: I like the fact that you don't use contractions and the dialogue is so true to the times. All my American workshop professors advised me against doing that when I started out writing my book. Now I'm wondering if that was a mistake if I wanted to sell it in England.)

P.S. My mother was born in Scotland but came to Canada when she was a wee girl of nine.

soutexmex wrote 1014 days ago

Because the website is currently acting up and I cannot read your book (or any other book), you are SHELVED! I do look forward to your forthcoming comments and possible backing of my book. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau File

Phil Rowan wrote 1014 days ago

Your pitch for Duty or Destiny is a mesmerising winner, Grant, and your story is brilliant. I was drawn in right from the start and I loved the way you followed Nelson through his life with all the interesting aspects of the period to entertain us ... and so realistic; your research is excellent, as indeed is your writing and I would like to purchase the book when it is published, as I'm sure it will be. Backed with pleasure - Phil Rowan (Weimar Vibes)

Ayrich wrote 1016 days ago

Humanising Neilson. Some will approve and some will be angry, either way you achive that most critical invocation of emotion.
shelved.

fidheallir wrote 1017 days ago

You make an interesting choice to begin posthumously with Nelson. Then again, since he has become more legendary than anything else, it does work.
I actually like that you begin with his birth, and the reader gets to "meet" his father. It gives a richer context than focusing simply on his later career.
Your word choice and the details help create a good sense of the historical period and the scene.

morningside wrote 1018 days ago

Very cool cover (i'm drawn to covers much of the time). The off setting of the uniform is a wonderful image to convey the theme of your book. I'm not usually one for historical books, but I can recognize talent, and it's displayed throughout your words.

Backed, with pleasure.
Ashley | Morningside

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