Book Jacket

 

rank 5464
word count 18500
date submitted 05.08.2008
date updated 10.02.2009
genres: Fiction, Thriller
classification: moderate
incomplete

The Fifth Column

Joseph Stanton

"Five elementary schools have been bombed on the East coast this morning in what is being dubbed a coordinated terrorist attack on the United States…"

 

Andrew Gibbons came to Washington D.C. to start over, to forget everything that came before it. But when a chance phone call provides him evidence of a politically-motivated murder, things take a turn for the surreal. On the run from men he doesn’t know, and for reasons he doesn’t fully understand, Andrew Gibbons’ only hope for survival is uncovering the truth…and ultimately facing what he hoped to forget.

Five years ago, Trent Dahlen was passed over as the next deputy director of the National Security Agency. Now, he heads a clandestine division of the CIA known unofficially as The Fifth Column. When his team sets its sights on the man who took his job, took his family and his future from him too, they uncover the unthinkable—a bold deception that threatens the very fabric of America.

With five elementary schools on the East coast bombed in an apparent terrorist attack on the United States, just days before the reauthorization of the controversial Patriot Act, Andrew Gibbons’ and Trent Dahlen’s lives are set on a collision course. And the truth, they will find, is the most shocking part of all.

 
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tags

aclu, al qaeda, boston, cia, clandestine, conspiracy, d.c., database, director, eavesdropping, echelon, fiction, fourth amendment, freedom, gchq, gove...

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36 comments

 

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Lisa Polhill wrote 1367 days ago

I very much enjoyed this. Stomach lurching tension and fast paced action combine to make a very thrilling story

clf wrote 1370 days ago

Phew! Joe, you really start this story off with a bang, literally. Each jump in point of voice ratchets up the tension as the piece races on. Except for a small bit I felt was slightly over descriptive at the start, the writing relaxes and begins to flow. A very good beginning, looking forward to reading on, well I peeked to see where chapter two began. To quote Arnold, "I'll be back." Thanks clf

Debbie wrote 1373 days ago

Chapter 1 – wow – straight into the action and you don’t pull your punches, do you? Gripping stuff, well written and pacy. Only comment I have is that you wander viewpoints occasionally mid-scene which loses a smidgeon of tension.

Chapter 2 – sorry – couldn’t see the point of this chapter at all. After the break-neck speed and tension of chapter 1, I felt this chapter threw it away and left me feeling a bit bored. Could you skip this chapter completely?

Chapter 3 – back with the excellent writing. Great pace, good dialogue. Love it. But your death count is getting higher than a Rambo film.... :-)

Ditch the second chapter and this is a winner so far! This one’s going on my watchlist.

Deb

dsmoreland wrote 1374 days ago

Good job with this, Joseph. It jumps straight into the action, which I always like with a good thriller. It reads well, although I did notice one verb echo -- inched -- throughout the first chapter. I think it works well the first time, but you may consider changing it to something different later on in the chapter. Otherwise, this flows very well, with growing and taut tension. I'll keep a watch on it, and be back to read on.

clf wrote 1362 days ago

Joseph,
Hello, came back and read through chapter seven. I really like the pacing of this story, you keep up the tension and build on it making me feel like I'm on the first hill of a roller coaster, a real page turner. I also enjoyed your descriptive word choices, very visual and different. Your use of short chapters is also well done and helps keep the pace, chapter two, which I think was the slowest paced of the bunch so far, moved because of the brevity of the chapter length. I am rightly concerned about Andrew, and look forward to seeing how this story develops, so much so I've added you to my shelf. All the best and happy writing. Cat

Nick Poole2 wrote 826 days ago

ARISE, AUTHONOMY GHOST!

Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb.

You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer.

Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection.

One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act:

Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

Misti-Sandefur wrote 980 days ago

Excellent writing on the first chapter! I could feel the fear, visualize the scene and my emotions took over, especially when I read the paragraph involving the brother and sister. You have a way with words, my friend, and I look forward to reading the remaining chapters.

BMW wrote 1351 days ago

Joseph -- I read the first several chapters and, except for your use of the "f-bomb" on several occasions, I found myself hooked to the story line. It is, sad to say, very believable and well written. Note: In Chapter 1, you describe the bad guys' guns as AK-74s. In reality, I think you want them to be AK-47s. Probably a typo, but I thought I would share it with you. -- Bob McCarty, author of SCRATCH OFF.

Stijn Hommes wrote 1353 days ago

Chapter one was breath-taking, emotional and it simply had good writing. Chapters 2 and 3 kind of disappointed me because it lacked the punch of chapter one. Like you put all the punch in there and didn't have anything left for the rest of the story.

Matt Munson wrote 1356 days ago

I'm new to this site and this is the first novel I've read. I was absolutely blown away, Joseph. I know now that I need to reach higher in my own writing (I'm currently writing my first novel). You come right out of the gates at a hundred miles an hour and don't let off the pedal, if I'm permitted here to use a naughty cliche. I can't wait to read more. Books like these should be published. Godd luck.

Joseph Stanton wrote 1356 days ago

Thanks for adding me to your bookshelf, Richard. It's the ultimate compliment in the thriller genre: "a page turner". I plan on uploading more in the next day or so.

Joseph Stanton wrote 1356 days ago

Thanks, Ben. I'm glad you enjoyed it, especially since this is your kind of book. Let me know more as you read more. I've added your novel to my watchlist and will read it in the next couple of days.

raddison wrote 1357 days ago

Great opening and - chapter two aside - it's fast paced and exciting. A page turner, as they say. I want more.

Richard

loquaciousmusic wrote 1358 days ago

Joe, I love this kind of book -- it's perfect for listening to on the iPod while working out, and that's a definite compliment! Nicely done. I can't wait to read more when I can sit down and get a chance.

Lisa-Marya wrote 1359 days ago

Joseph - good on yer! The idea of reworking always dampens my enthusiasm but it's worth it. Press on!

Joseph Stanton wrote 1360 days ago

Hey all--I uploaded three more chapters. More to come soon. Enjoy!

Joseph Stanton wrote 1361 days ago

Thanks for the comment, Lisa-Marya. It seems a second theme is emerging: chapter 2 needs to go. And I'm currently working to make that happen. It's necessary information for later in the story, but I'm going to try and work it seemlessly into other chapters along the way instead of giving it it's own chapter.

Joseph Stanton wrote 1361 days ago

Thanks for the support, Murray. I put your book "Scion" on my watchlist and will read it in the next few days. The idea seems very intriguing...I love a good conspiracy.

Lisa-Marya wrote 1361 days ago

Joseph - Good action - fast moving and professional, all except for Ch.2. Could it be omitted or radically changed?

Murray wrote 1361 days ago

Hi Joseph

I'm fairly new to the site and have to admit considered leaving because of the feedback on your book! Glad to see that's all over and we can get down to the real business, helping each other. mind you, what is it they say - there's no such thing as bad publicity!!

Anyway, just read chapter one and enjoyed and will definitely be back for more!

Cheers and good luck
Murray

Joseph Stanton wrote 1362 days ago

Cat-your generous comments are much appreciated. I'm glad the characters are resonating with you; that means a lot to me, given that many of the published thrillers out there seem to leave character out of the equation. I'm uploading more chapters today. So please, come back and read more. I would love to hear your comments as the story unfolds, to see if it continues to entertain you.

clf wrote 1362 days ago

Joseph,
Hello, came back and read through chapter seven. I really like the pacing of this story, you keep up the tension and build on it making me feel like I'm on the first hill of a roller coaster, a real page turner. I also enjoyed your descriptive word choices, very visual and different. Your use of short chapters is also well done and helps keep the pace, chapter two, which I think was the slowest paced of the bunch so far, moved because of the brevity of the chapter length. I am rightly concerned about Andrew, and look forward to seeing how this story develops, so much so I've added you to my shelf. All the best and happy writing. Cat

David C wrote 1365 days ago

Cëad Millë Failte, Joseph.

Joseph Stanton wrote 1365 days ago

Thanks, David. It's seems a common theme has emerged: I need to tighten up the prologue to keep the pace moving. I just checked out your site and your scirpt looks intriguing (unique, for sure); I'm putting it on my watchlist to read this weekend. Oh, and the moderator thing...it's a long story, to say the least; if I have the opportunity to travel to the land of my ancestors (Ireland) we can discuss it over a pint :)

Joseph Stanton wrote 1365 days ago

Thank you for the advice, Toscka. It's appreciated. And I look forward to your comments. Love the Spok reference...

David C wrote 1365 days ago

It's me again. I've just scrolled up to check out other comments and saw one from The Moderator. What's all that about?

David C wrote 1365 days ago

Terrific intro. It's amazing how many books on this site have prologues. I think this prologue is a fraction too long, but having said that it drags you into the action like a runaway train.

I'll put this on my Watchlist till I have room and time to read more

Congratulations

toscka wrote 1365 days ago

I will try and give you some more detailed comments later. For the time being, you have to get rid of "curvileanour structure" it's something an architect might say, or Spok. And by the way, best of luck.

toscka wrote 1365 days ago

Joseph, you've had a hard time of it. If I may, I would encourage you to review others work on here. You'll then get your book reviewed in return. Writing a novel is a long process and from bitter experience you only live to regret sending something out into the world before it's ready. This is a safe and extremely helpful environment in which to learn. From what I've seen - I've only read the first chapter - you've got something to build on, but it does need work. I have too many rejections, and for that matter too many agents who've dropped me when something didn't sell, not to see that you could do with putting the hard graft in before thinking of getting HC to read it. It's a one shot deal this business. You don't want to waste your chance and kick yourself afterwards when you realise that your book could have been much much better.

Sue Denholm wrote 1365 days ago

Given the furore surrounding this book's rapid rise up the chart, I thought I'd better have a look at your work.

I enjoy reading political thrillers and, on the whole, I found your pitch interesting and unformulaic. The opening to your novel is certainly arresting. It's fast moving and action packed - just the type of opening to hook the reader.

Unfortunately your prose feels very overwritten, with far too many adjectives and adverbs cluttering up the writing. I really think you need to pare down the language. Keep it simple. Less is almost always more, particualrly for a novel of this type and in the kind of the scene that strarts your novel. If you simplify the language the piece will flow more smoothly and, most importantly, the pace of the scene won't flag.

I think you're brave to choose a Columbine-esque massacre as the start point for your book. For such an approach to succeed, however, I think the writing has to be very deft. I'm afraid I don't think your work is at the moment. The imagery feels cliched, the emotions unreal and the characters one-dimensional. I just didn't empathise with anyone in the prologue. Even the teachers didn't convince. I was continually reminded of Reverend Lovejoy's wife in 'The Simpsons' and her constant cries of 'Won't someone please think of the children!' I think you need to cut down on the showy sentimentality and make the dialogue more real. When you're writing about such a terrible incident, any slip in tone or voice is immediately going to jar with the reader. At the moment, I regret to say, it just feels cheap.

One or two typos: eg. AK47 not AK74, blonde not blond (fem)

I wish you luck with this but, as it stands, I have to say I'd be very surprised if it was taken on by a publisher.

Thanks

khogen29 wrote 1366 days ago

Mr. Stanton, very nice opening. Even though it's not a very pleasant thing to think about it, it definitely makes you wonder what you will have happen throughout the remainder of the novel. I hope it continues to twist our feelings and emotions. Best of luck to you in getting your story out to the masses.

barmson wrote 1367 days ago

Definitely action packed. Have read the first 3 chapters and want to read more. While I figured chapter 2 was background, I agree with Deb that it needs to be wound together a bit more so it incorporates into the rest of the story better. Great job, though!!!

Joseph Stanton wrote 1367 days ago

Thanks, Lisa. The positive comments are greatly appreciated. More chapters coming soon!

Lisa Polhill wrote 1367 days ago

I very much enjoyed this. Stomach lurching tension and fast paced action combine to make a very thrilling story

Gavin Marx wrote 1369 days ago

Wow Joseph! This is quite gripping. I'm intrigued by your story and impressed with your writing. I look forward to reading more.

clf wrote 1370 days ago

Phew! Joe, you really start this story off with a bang, literally. Each jump in point of voice ratchets up the tension as the piece races on. Except for a small bit I felt was slightly over descriptive at the start, the writing relaxes and begins to flow. A very good beginning, looking forward to reading on, well I peeked to see where chapter two began. To quote Arnold, "I'll be back." Thanks clf

Joseph Stanton wrote 1370 days ago

Hey all--I'm in the process of uploading the whole manuscript, so enjoy what's here now. There's more coming very soon!

Joseph Stanton wrote 1370 days ago

Deb--I love the chapter by chapter breakdown. That helps immensely. And thanks for the kind words. I agree that Chapter 2 is slow, but the information is important later on. Maybe I just need to think of a better way to "weave' that information in somewhere else in order to keep the pace moving. BTW...the death toll slows down for a little while now :)

Joseph Stanton wrote 1370 days ago

Thanks for the compliments, dsmoreland. They are greatly appreciated. Also, I'm going into my manuscript right now to get rid of the echo--it's actually a pet peeve of mine when I read others and see redundant phrases, words, etc.

Debbie wrote 1373 days ago

Chapter 1 – wow – straight into the action and you don’t pull your punches, do you? Gripping stuff, well written and pacy. Only comment I have is that you wander viewpoints occasionally mid-scene which loses a smidgeon of tension.

Chapter 2 – sorry – couldn’t see the point of this chapter at all. After the break-neck speed and tension of chapter 1, I felt this chapter threw it away and left me feeling a bit bored. Could you skip this chapter completely?

Chapter 3 – back with the excellent writing. Great pace, good dialogue. Love it. But your death count is getting higher than a Rambo film.... :-)

Ditch the second chapter and this is a winner so far! This one’s going on my watchlist.

Deb

dsmoreland wrote 1374 days ago

Good job with this, Joseph. It jumps straight into the action, which I always like with a good thriller. It reads well, although I did notice one verb echo -- inched -- throughout the first chapter. I think it works well the first time, but you may consider changing it to something different later on in the chapter. Otherwise, this flows very well, with growing and taut tension. I'll keep a watch on it, and be back to read on.

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