The Lycetta Legacy

Brilliant what I've read so far.

Simple and yet descriptive, I enjoy not knowing what is happening and it makes me want to read more. The combination of what appears to be fantasy and historical fact is intriguing. And as I read the blurb again while writing the comment after reading the first chapter I ask myself- 'What the hell is going on!' in an excited voice.

Your writing style is interesting, good use of description and not over described. I like the characters (even though most of the ones I've met are now dead!) because it seems clear who they are, what they are like i.e. drunk, honourable military man etc. And the darkness of what is happening (especially mirrored in it being nighttime) leaves you slightly tingling with wonder.

Well done James, you have me well and truly intrigued! A first for an Authonomy author...

RB

I look forward to reading more.

Dear James, I haven’t backed this because it’s partly set in Bath, one of my favorite places. My motive is far more compelling: there’s your extremely imaginative story, your very sympathetic and likable protagonist, your truly fascinating mythology and secondary characters, and your exceptionally evocative and graceful prose--indeed, yours is among the best writing I’ve encountered on the website, and I estimate I’ve sampled 500 books by now.

Superb powers of invention combined with wonderful craftsmanship. On my shelf. Maria, The Pharaoh’s Cat

I love the descriptions in your first chapter. They immediately transport me into your book.

I like this. I like the idea, the unanswered questions, and I am left with the desire to read on and find out what happens. Your portrayal of Julia as a normal teenager is convincing. There are a lot of Grail stories around, based on the Da Vinci idea or something akin to it, but this seems totally original. I'm BACKING this. Best of luck with it.

Ali
The Fireghost

Start at 'stood against the barren hillsides. It starts to read so well there. The previous section said little would have enticed me to read on.

I haven't read this book yet but it sounds like something I would write. So backed with pleasure and will read it when I get the time. All the best.
AH

James. Very creative. But rather than telling you all the good things, i just thought a more subjective comment could be more useful. After reading the first and third chapters, just make sure you dont make some of the events / scenes too 'local / British' in nature , as an international audience is what you need to pitch to. Hope that is of use. A publisher told me that for mine - so I adapted it. all the best.
Appreciate any critique / backing or sacking of my childrens book. Thanks.
Jerry - paperbat

very good story and plot. Backed.

I invite you to read or comment on The Rebel

God Bless,
Chipper

Hi James

I think I might have backed you before the first time I was on authonomy - I certainly remember the unfortunate fate of the two poor guardsmen. Anyway, I'm backing again - I still like your book! Hope you will take a look at mine.

Nicole

James,

You have a knack for getting the eerie feeling across without overdoing or being gross.

My 14yr old son likes it!
Great Writing!
Very Market Appropriate, hopefully it will hit the shelves!
Great Work!
Backed!
Regards,
Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'

I've just finished the first two chapters - both were so different in writing style - but both were captivating and brought me right into the story - and the mystery behind chapter one - why were the killings taking place, for power, what else, the council?? Then, in chapter two, the way that you introduce Julia was fantastic - right on spot for the genre - then the mystery of the man and the alley - all a great suspensful touch. The range of emotions from here were felt - not just described, especially when she lost her father's picture...great job! Sincerely, April

What a wonderful story! And so well written :)

Backed with pleasure.

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

Backed with pleasure
Helen

Hi James.
A few quick thoughts up to and including Chapter Three.
Took a while to find out who Darillian Vespith was and what he was, but my curiosity got the better of me and I had to find out. Good way of keeping the reader interested. Thought that Julia was maybe a little too trusting before the introduction.
A bit like Harry Potter finding out he was a wizard. Same kind of 'making things happen when angry'
Julia was still in shock. maybe should end there? Already stated another coffee not needed.
Other than those nit-picks (or constructive criticism, if you will), am enjoying the story. Can't wait to see how it pans out.
Thanks,
Mick
Flirty Something

Enjoyed the read but it should flow a little better. May I suggest one or two things that may help. In most places it would be better if you seperated the dialogue from thoughts and actions more. Use a different line. eg ' 'Giles,Thomas. I think I shall.... too old.' Next line-. The two nodded... This will help the flow of the story and maintain a fair pace.
Second line in Chapter 1.- Candles do not flicker 'slowly'
Cliches such as 'the blink of an eye' are nearly always wrong.
Try to avoid any sentences starting with a word ending in 'y' or 'ing'

Hope this helps . You are of course completely free to ignore my comments but I do mean them kin the best possible way.

Backed with pleasure. A lovely read with lovely lyrical writing and a gripping storyline. Well done. Katherine Strata

You have been blessed with a great imagination. Nice work, well written and well thought-out.

D.E. LaRiviere (AKA Milo Saint) "Six of One" and "The Hand of Cain"

Wow. Almost a year on Authonomy. Good job.
Great title and excellent story telling. I only just started it and is watchlisted for a backing.
Thanks For your backing.
Good luck.
Christopher
Crossing The lIne

Beautiful lyrical writing! Right from the first word you know you are reading a winner. Backed with pleasure,
January

Dear James --

An intriguing premise supported by your story that promises dramatic plot twists and turns. Julia has both a deep melancholy over the death of her father and a deep inner strength, nicely evidenced by her willingness to fight the bus driver without compromising herself. The end of chapter 2 offers a solid cliffhanger, drawing your readers deeper into the story. There are places where paring might be in order, such as Julia's repeated "NO!" over the loss of her father's picture -- we thought she might say a bit more than that -- but overall, The Lycetta Legacy has appeal, and Julia can readily carry the tale. BACKED. -- Delhui, The Long Black Veil

I'm a fan of fantasy and your's did not disppoint! I'll be back to read more!
Well done. Backed with pleasaure :)

i read the first chapter and amazingly you and my friend Zero-serenity (author or No Title Needed) write very similar. the only exception is that she writes in present tense and you in past. your descriptions were wonderful and your characters interesting. the only real nit i had was the dialogue was a little stiff at times. it detracted a from the story when i had to reread it to make sure i understood what they were saying. other than that i enjoyed it a lot.

me

Love the building mystery and vivid descriptions. And I love Bath! On my shelf.

James this is a really good read. Your profile grabbed me, though I did not get the magic of this book in it. You are up in the ratings on this site because of your work and CONGRATS . You have the adventure, and graphic characters that keep me wanting to read more. Knights Templars are certainly a draw but you carry on this draw with your easy flow and mystery. BACKED yes it is. If you could read some of my work I would really appreciate it and I would also welcome comments you can make, thank you

Denise
'The Letter'

Oooh, this is lovely! Shadowy folk, mysterious conversations, unexplainable deaths - what a cracking first chapter! Not to mention I love reading stories about the legendary Knights Templar, and from what I've read so far this promises to be a good one. Backed with enthusiasm.

Maria.

Hi James,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
Psychiatric Evaluation

Hi James, I have been eager to read your story since I first checked out the pitch. It was better than I had imagined and I loved reading it. It is a beautifully written piece of with, with a strong plot and vivid descriptions. I like the way you have developed your characters and look forward to reading more. Backed with pleasure.

Joyanna
The Prince and The Sorcerer

LYCETTA LEGACY

James,
Well crafted story through your easy and engaging writing style.
On my shelf.

A Zoomer
(Going Out in Style)

Well written, and I look forward to finishing it!

James

I enjoyed this, from the second chapter onwards. It's the classic sort of situation that appeals to teenagers - finding yourself in a situation that's fantastic and exciting and out of control, all at the same time.

On the other hand I struggled with the first chapter. This is mainly due to the mock archaic language used. It's very-adjective heavy, and there's an arch quality to the dialogue that doesn't convince. An alternative method might be to use language that's more contemporary - I can remember Alan Garner doing this in Red Shift, and it worked very well. I'd certainly use contractions in the dialogue as I'm sure people used them in the past as well.

My other major criticism would be in chapter three, when Darillion is talking about the grail. That's an awful lot of dialogue for someone to speak at a single sitting.

These quibbles aside, I did like this, but do feel it needs a bit of tweaking from its present form before it reaches its full potential.

Good luck with your book.

Peter

What an interesting story!! I read most of it this evening. I don't have much helpful things to say about it except that I liked it. I usually don't enjoy this type of story very much but your imagery was wonderful and engaging. Your style reminded me a bit of Edgar Allan Poe, actually, which convinced me to keep reading. I really liked Julia and her attention to detail, too.

Anyway, thanks for the reading of "The Character" and I hope this writing goes far for you!

The Lycetta Legacy is brilliant.
The premise is unique and quite complex.
You certainly create a lot of intrigue and I would love to read some more.
Absolutely fantastic and very well done indeed.

You are like totally fantastic, James. :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my 2 memoir books?
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

Dear James, I love the intrigue of who the guy is that's following the heroine - I didn't think it was her guardian angel - it would be scarey if I were following me. Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book to help it advance - this will help yours & mine move up on the charts. :) Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every "backing" you do moves your book & the other person's book closer to the top. :)

Dear James,
I'm usually not a fan of fantasy. Howevre, your characters, especially Julia, are so endearing. I liked the stranger following her--right off I knew he was a protector. I think this will do well.
Caroline
KC Hart /Summer Rose

I enjoy this pitch even though I'm not too big on fantasy. Coming of age stories are so compelling. Julia is on a journey of discovery - very real theme. -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

This is a nicely written piece of work, just the kind of narrative that goes particularly well in book form (I hate reading off computer screens). As for the writing, the only critique I can offer is that every now and then you line up a few sentences in a row that begin with pronouns, which causes a lot of sameness. Recast a few of those, and it will improve the reading experience. I'm happy to back this for you.
Craig
The Job

Consider yourself backed. I enjoyed your your basic narrative and can see you have a interesting story to tell. My only suggestion, if you plan to edit, would be to tone down the flowery language of the narrativea bit. Your character development is good also, and I enjoy the imagery, buy the dialogue at times seems a bit forced, try to bring a easier tone to it (conversational) and i think you will do well. IThe story is interesting and really pulled me along and that is the sign of good story, so I wish you well. goodluck with your manuscript.


blueboy

So sorry for the late comment. This was absoultely brilliant. It was very descriptive. It was very different in a good way :) Shelved with pleasure! GOOD LUCK

Very good. I enjoyed it. Small point-did you intentionally use the phrase 'posed no threat' three times? It deserves backing as you have talent.

This is a beautifully written intriuging story. Shelved, with pleasure.

Carol

James, excellent storytelling--the writing is clean and flows well throughout the book
I love the short sentences and snappy dialogue. I think you made some great choices with the characters and dialogue. You will be in the top five in no time
Best wishes
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

Masterful and intriguing story, Loved it. Backed. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

love the beginning and you write to please, would happily carry on, the story sounds far from straightforward and something I'd like to get my teeth into. Wonderful!

Jen

Do You Believe in Angels?

Wow - intriguing stuff!.. I, like some of your other readers, felt immediately out of my comfort zone between chapter 1 & 2 - what is going on here?! polished prose and the start of a very compelling mystery.. Backed and best wishes

The first two chapters are like two different books, with different styles. At first I thought I was reading a very good fantasy work. I am interested how you develop the differing approaches. I like the way you establish the MC in the second chapter and her relationship with her mother. This is a promising start. Good luck.

John
Call of the thunderbird

Beautiful contrasts & descriptions; neat and compact paragraphs which flow seamlessly from one to the next. There is a lot of originality here & I could see your book being developed into a film as well. Congratulations on a great submission - wishing you every success. Paula - How Mean is My Valley?

You described very well the contrast between the past and the present. Well written.
I am happy to back your book.
BAcked
Bamboo Promise

I thought the opening setting description was beautiful, but would have preferred to open with a character personality and POV. The parallels between our two stories is so interesting. This is well written and a pleasure to back.
xBeccaX
Death before the Cherry Blossoms

Your first paragraph read a little awkward to me. I think it's the adjectives attached to every noun that makes it feel a bit weird. Not sure, but something jarred me about it. In fact as I read further you seem to do it an awful lot, every object is large, or golden, or mysterious, or something. It didn't flow very well and the overuse of adjectives felt too much, imo.

The whole prologue scene didn't really serve any purpose other than to set up a vague feeling that something was going to happen, which is the same vibe you have before you read any book so not necessary to set up. There was a guy who was trouble but they think he's been taken care of but he hasn't really... not giving details or specifics means there's no tension, just some people who I don't know talking about someone else I don't know in a mysterious fashion. My point is, it didn't do anything for me.

I think the guard post would be a better place to start, although that is a matter of personal taste, so feel free to ignore.

I thought Thomas and Giles sounded inconsistent. Sometimes posh, sometimes common.

I thought the stranger had a rather easy time of it, killing everyone so easily. I can see that he is very powerful, but narratively not very interesting. he didn't want anything, didn't have any obstacles and then had a chat with another mysterious stranger and left.

You have made it clear there are things to find out in this story, what you haven't done, imo, is given me things of interest to distract me until I find out this stuff. Everything's too vague.

Julia seems an interesting character but her introduction felt too drawn out and full of unnecessary backstory. The minute details of her life aren't very engaging and the writing, while less vague, still felt overwritten, too much explaining and too much describing.

Personally i found the pace and the unfoucused narrative made it a very slow read and my mind began to wander by the time she got on the bus.

Best of luck with it.

regards
mood

T

As a writer of children's fiction, I read more of that than any other genre. This has all the elements that I love in childrens/YA literature: adventure, mystery, intrigue, a great MC. Your prose is fluid and accessible and I would buy it in a heartbeat.
Carl
The Time hunters

James,
a very complicated plot and narrative line. Like the premise maybe until the story is set up shorter chapters and then lengthen them to deepen the story? Not really a crit just something to throw out there.

:)

Diane