Book Jacket

 

rank 5464
word count 17898
date submitted 25.06.2009
date updated 27.06.2009
genres: Fiction
classification: universal
incomplete

The Journey

Ben West

A modern day Gospel story

 

The recent present. The unnamed protagonist, a speech writer, is on a journey, seeking a way back to an imagined home. Along the way, he encounters a series of different people, disciples of a sort, who befriend him and whom he befriends. The protagonist is successful in his job but does not enjoy it. He is working for The Man, a mysterious and only indirectly encountered figure, who is seeking election to a position of power. The election campaign is an important context for the plot development. The protagonist, like many of the characters, illustrates symbols of success (wealth, confidence, intelligence) while experiencing a deeper alienation. The characters consume large amounts of illegal drugs (sometimes only alluded to) which, in keeping with one of the important themes of the Gospels, clouds the distinction between Appearance and Reality (this world and the next). Indeed, as in the Gospels also, attempts to communicate a series of dualities are an important part of the narrative. The idea of this story as a modern-day Gospel is an increasingly clear underlying theme.

 
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tags

existential, fiction, modern living, urban, young people

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4 comments

 

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karen07814 wrote 1011 days ago

Right on time this one. The Shack, Five people have had their turn. Plus popularity is increasing.
Good luck

JANVIER wrote 1032 days ago

Hello Ben,

A promising book you have here. It is written on a unique premise and crafted around a plot that I find compelling. And you write well, giving a smooth flow to the story. With a little polish, this brilliant story will shine even better.Rightly shelved.

All the best.

Janvier (Flash of the Sun)

Paolito wrote 1048 days ago

The Journey....

Your pitch...don't take my pitch as an example because I'm pitch-challenged, but here's the formula:
1. who is your protagonist?
2. what does he want?
3. what obstacles does he face along the way?
4. a hint at resolution.

c. 1: have you sought permission to use the lyrics from Sounds of Silence (one of my favourite songs, BTW)? Titles are free; lyrics sometimes cost, but a publisher will want to ensure that you have permission.

Episodic novels, which this one seems to be, can be difficult to sell unless the writing is stellar. I have two suggestions for improvement.

1. almost always avoid adverbs...agents and editors dislike them (Noah Lukeman's The First Five Pages) because they tend to prop up weak verbs, or don't add anything significant, and they rob you of the opportunity to use body language and fresher language and ideas generally.

2. remember that clarity is king...the only writing rule which you shouldn't break...and over-writing can tend to break that rule...I have a feeling you're trying too hard. Relax, let the story shine; a few wonderful phrases, if they're at all unclear, aren't worth interrupting your story's flow.

Will give this a spin on my shelf so that you'll get some more attention and feedback.

Cheers,
Sheryl
IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES

Heidi Mannan wrote 1053 days ago

Ben,

Interesting storyline. Your writing is the sort to sit back with and relax for awhile, not rushed, but not boring. Very nice. I've only read the first chapter so far, but that's enough to know I'm giving it a turn on my shelf.

Heidi

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