Godmother's Wand

Patricia,

Congrats on a charmingly written story. It has all the makings of a something-to-look-forward-to-and-more tale. Mary Howards life is touched by another (her fairy godmother) and of course magic ensues -- magic in the fairy godmothers acts but also in the life changes that comes for Mary. Shelved.

Cynthia

Witty, contemporary and full of magic. And the very best kind of magic - satirical, sarcastic (sometimes) and oh so very wicked. Made me laugh at the incredulity of the situations, but also reminded me the best stories are those where suspension of disbelief is called for. Surely there will be a sequel of sorts, hmm?

Shelved.

Patricia - You are a writer you are a writer you are a writer. I LOVE YOUR VOICE! Wonderful. The first paragraph is an immediate pull. There is a natural self-deprecating humor to your style. Love that the fairy godmother was divorced to the force holding her together. Ebay. Very funny, sharp. I also would never worry about marketing issues, length, etc Build it and they will come. I do have a few suggestions, very minor. Rename the cat. Garfield is too distracting - it is like throwing in a cliche pop-culture image on an otherwise immaculate and original opening. My second suggestion is something I am often tempted to do, think better of, and then do anyway: avoid 50 cent words unless absolutely vital to descriptive specificity; let the action do the work instead. That the waiter approaches obsequiously is evident in how he behaves. Let her restless hands show she is demanding imperiously. (Is there any other way to demand something?)... Anyhow I bring that one up because I'm so guilty of it myself. You are a magnificent writer. Tell yourself that over and over. Shelved with pleasure. - J.T. Storey

Princess George. After reading the synopsis, I thought, "Oh my gawd, this is bound to be pants" (mainly due to my macho maleness of needing to be seen reading something difficult and classic). BUT, I was very surprised. It is very simple, written as if it were a children's fairy story (sorry, you knew that already)and therefore fast paced and, above all, interesting and surprisingly addictive to read - one flies through the chapters. TOTALLY not my thing, but I must admit that I enjoyed it.... I can see this hitting a sweet (and very lucrative) spot in airport bookstores for magazine reading professional women wanting an easy read on their way to Paris. Great work! Hmmm, to shelve or not to shelve....OK, but just remember not my thing! Ahem... David - The Descartian Truth

Great start and a great character. Good luck with this Patricia. The clearly defined scenes and constant twists make this a real candidate for a screenplay.

Gefordson
Nothing you can do

Hi Princess George, Enjoyed opening this again at Chapter 6. It blends an ascerbic reality with unpredictable take-offs. Todd is really a treat and I loved how Mary's mother noticed the new tree in her yard. You've got just enough odd description to ground the scenes - even more would enhance. This delights. Happy to shelve again - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

HI Patricia, sounds like a fun but serious book. Sometimes they are the best teachers. Good luck with getting to the top. backed .If you can can you take a peek at You turn? thanks lynne avery

HI Patricia, sounds like a fun but serious book. Sometimes they are the best teachers. Good luck with getting to the top. backed .If you can can you take a peek at You turn? thanks lynne avery

What a shocking end to the first chapter. I didn't see that coming. Backed.

This is great it’s like an adult children’s story if you know what I mean its quirky and funny. When Mary dies/ lives (I’m not too sure at the moment which it is as she has just visited Todd in the form of a shadow) what ever it is, we are about to see some transformation. Just how she suddenly learns to clean her cooker and bake I have no idea but what I do know is I want to find out. So you have passed test one in becoming an accomplished author… you can create a page turner. Very happy to back this

Wilma1
Knowing Liam Riley – I hope you can spare a moment to take a look

Patricia,
Clever, riveting, still it is charming with great humor.
Mary is a great character.
Great Book!
Good Luck!
Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'

I think someone else has mentioned a child liking this...it appears to be pitched at the younger reader in spite of the professed genre above...real tongue in cheek story telling at its best...you make an immediate impact with your characters including the cantankerous cat!
Well done
Stewart

My grandaughter found this very entertaining. She is a cat person so she liked Chance but she wasn't impressed with Todd. She liked the easy read and didn't mind that Mary is older than her. Your prose style is deceptively simple but I must confess that I am unsure of who exactly your target audience is. There is always a place for whimsey but the shop shelves are full of vampires, chick lit and pseudo-Dan Browns. Somewhere I hope that there is a place for this too.
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

This was such fun that I couldn't stop reading it. Of course, you may notice if you check me out, that I like Cinderella stories. Yours made me laugh, too. Thanks for the read and good luck!

This has a funny and engaging tone to it, with little, subtle touches of humor and even some very quiet hints at sorrow. A very interesting tone, almost written in a fable-like way, with a deadpan but witty narrator. You have some great details (celery-like hair) and some thoughtful description, as in the way Mary was mostly invisible but yet this was sometimes helpful. The fairy godmother takes herelf seriously and yet we do not, which is also pretty funny. Great job.
---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

The Fairy Godmother touched her wand lightly on her computer monitor and moved this up to 2,500 places in the rankings where it came to my attention, charmed me muchly and I backed it greatly.

Rgs., Robert

I wish you the very best of luck

It's a fairy tale, simply put, and a wish-come-true for those of who are as dysfunctional as Mary is. Easy to identify with, easy to read. Backed.

Catherine (The Golden Thread)

GODMOTHER'S WAND:

Patricia,

This is brilliant. Seldom on this site do I find such a well written, easy to read, charming and entertaining novel.
Your subtle wit is just right and fits the story perfectly. The prose is smooth and uncluttered - not a wasted word, and the syntax is perfect. And I love Mary. And I empathise with her.

In other words, you are a born writer, with an ear for rhythm and a gift for story telling.

I would buy this.

Backed with great pleasure.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

GODMOTHER'S WAND:





This is brilliant. Seldom on this site do I find such a well written, easy to read, charming and entertaining novel.
Your subtle wit is just right and fits the story perfectly. The prose is smooth and uncluttered - not a wasted word, and the syntax is perfect.

In other words, you are a born writer, with an ear for rhythm and a gift for story telling.

I would buy this.

Backed with great pleasure.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

This is delightful. I love Mary's boldness and quirks. After meeting the fairy godmother, I'm definitely curious to see where the story goes. Your tone and voice suit the story perfectly! I have one little thought: when we meet the FG, I think her first statement should reveal more of her personality. I'd open with a twist to a line you have her share later: Dear, you are very difficult. Well, I am your Fairy Godmother, so just relax.

I don't know, just a thought.
Backed and loved!
Ellen (Thoughts of a Teenage Girl)

An interesting tale and engagingly told. I am not sure there is such a word as "squawled" to describe Chance's excaimation in Chapter 1? Otherwise I cannot see much I would alter here. Backed with pleasure. Colin

This is a delightful read. I have a little trouble understanding how someone could be both dead and alive at the same time, but okay, it works here. Mary is easy to like. Loved the fairy godmother because she had her own set of problems. This is the kind of book to read after a hard day at work. By the time I was reading the third chapter, I didn't care about anything but how this was going to work out for Mary. A good read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Patricia, your first chapter is a smooth read.

Happy to back the potential of your story.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Dear Princess George,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I skipped to chapter seven to cover less-traveled ground and was rewarded by the protagonist regaining consciousness on a cloud. You give a pleasing tactile description of the cloud. In the fast pace of a fairytale style, you portray an enchanting castle and attending a ball where the other attendees are not all transparent. Mary’s shyness builds sympathy. The godmother insinuates the protagonist is “not quite alive,” which surprised me. From Twister to a monocle to a woman “Draped in diamonds” you give me a sense of the grandeur and eccentricity of the ball. The next chapter is equally fun, with a biting cat and a yard habituated by pink flamingos. The mother sounds more inconvenienced by her daughter’s death than mournful. They transform from plants into crows. You end with the hook of her being flyswatted by someone she knows.

This was a fun exercise in imagination. Bravo! Backed, and best wishes.

Just beautiful. Why is this not already up there on the ED? Love your style: not a wasted word, slick dialogue, and it goes almost without saying that the premise is original. I'm damned glad I stopped by to take a look. It ticks all my boxes and I'm backing it right away.

Nicholas ("The Warlock") – Horror

Just beautiful. Why is this not already up there on the ED? Love your style: not a wasted word, slick dialogue, and it goes almost without saying that the premise is original. I'm damned glad I stopped by to take a look. It ticks all my boxes and I'm backing it right away.

Nicholas ("The Warlock") – Horror

Just beautiful. Why is this not already up there on the ED? Love your style: not a wasted word, slick dialogue, and it goes almost without saying that the premise is original. I'm damned glad I stopped by to take a look. It ticks all my boxes and I'm backing it right away.

Nicholas ("The Warlock") – Horror

Just beautiful. Why is this not already up there on the ED? Love your style: not a wasted word, slick dialogue, and it goes almost without saying that the premise is original. I'm damned glad I stopped by to take a look. It ticks all my boxes and I'm backing it right away.

Nicholas ("The Warlock") – Horror

Just beautiful. Why is this not already up there on the ED? Love your style: not a wasted word, slick dialogue, and it goes almost without saying that the premise is original. I'm damned glad I stopped by to take a look. It ticks all my boxes and I'm backing it right away.

Nicholas ("The Warlock") – Horror

Just beautiful. Why is this not already up there on the ED? Love your style: not a wasted word, slick dialogue, and it goes almost without saying that the premise is original. I'm damned glad I stopped by to take a look. It ticks all my boxes and I'm backing it right away.

Nicholas ("The Warlock") – Horror

Just beautiful. Why is this not already up there on the ED? Love your style: not a wasted word, slick dialogue, and it goes almost without saying that the premise is original. I'm damned glad I stopped by to take a look. It ticks all my boxes and I'm backing it right away.

Nicholas ("The Warlock") – Horror

Well, I'm not sure there is a single orignal thing I could say that almost 600 comments hasn't covered. I thought this was a lot of fun.I didn't think I would read very long, given it is past my bedtime. But it clipped along and kept me reading. You voice came through loud and clear and I can see why you've amassed a following. You are one of the few on this site that is a writer, a true one. Congratulations on a work well done and I wish you the very best of luck on your journey up the charts! Backed!

Tawn Anderson (Providence)

The fairy godmother, although not the protagonist, most likely will win awards in Hollywood, not if, but when the screenrights are purchased. She even uses Ebay to put her self back together again. Everyone needs a help-mate like godmother; she'll help you keep a neat home. This book is on the top of my list in terms of quality literature. A Big Back on my Bookshelf. Chuck (Paperboy Adventures)

BACKED on six chapters.
I like the "voice" of your story; light, witty, matter-of-fact about not-so-matter-of-fact things. And I really like the fairy godmother, (more than, but including the way she "put herself back together" via Ebay). You have a lot of funny stuff going on here, in spite of Mary's tremendous depression. Wishing you the best with this!
Judy Adams
(The Existence Game)

Hi Patricia,

This is the kind of creativity I love to read. A little satire, magic and a lot of great writing make this easy to read. A great story and a great idea.

Hi, Thanks for backing The Lucky Bean Tree. I've enjoyed your first chapters; very different so backed. Kop.

A fairy tale for grown-ups! You have a lovely whimsical voice and a very active imagination. It also has a great start that hooks you in right away. It's just the kind of book-before-bedtime that could take you away from a rubbish day at the office.. Backed. Tania, This Last Summer

Very good. Simple yet intense and insightful. You have great writing style and I enjoyed this a lot.

Congratualtions

This great, the once upon a time just made me smile (memories or what!). It is so different and so well written – this really should do well and would be a bit of a travesty if it doesn’t

Famlavan – Museum of Old Beliefs

Hi Patricia! I have just read the first 3 chapters of your book and I will be backing it because it promises to be a creative new take on an old fairytale theme. Your ideas are great…the sarcasm of your MC coupled with the frankness of the fairy godmother is complement each other and certainly add a bit of humor to this, bringing in a contemporary flare. But you do have some work ahead of you. I usually am telling an author that they suffer from a disease called ‘overwriting’. But you have just the opposite affliction….’underwriting’. It is as if you are rushing through this. Take your time to spin the tale. In such a fantasy, tell your readers much more about Mary and what makes her tick. Add much more emotion which will be what glues your reader to your MC’s side and the emotional connection will make your reader root for Mary. I have made a few comments, per chapter, but note that I’m not an expert. However, many authors on here have told me I’m pretty good at this. Let’s see what you think….
CHAPTER ONE: ‘or get along with anyone…’ But in the very next paragraph, you’ve told us she has a boyfriend. So maybe instead of mentioning her boyfriend in that second paragraph, maybe you should mention ‘except her boyfriend’ right after the aforementioned reference? I’m not sure why the ticket collector forgetting to take her ticket or the security guard not seeing her would be ‘beneficial’? I mean, she still had to buy the ticket, right? And why would she care whether or not the security guard saw her? Please explain to your reader. ‘well-put together person’ Please describe to us what you mean here. ‘celery-like hair’ Please explain what you mean by this. All I can picture is green hair. Perhaps find another means of showing her drabness in this earlier reference, as you mention her hair again later as ‘limp strand of dishwater brown hair’ which seems somehow different. Perhaps mention BEFORE she climbs up on the railing to grab her cat, that she is a bit afraid to do it. Afterall, she is 60’ up! I would describe her terror as she slipped off the railing, and change ‘onto the parking lot’ to ‘toward the parking lot’ since at the beginning of the next chapter, it is clear she has not hit the parking lot at all.
CHAPTER TWO: ‘especially after being dead.’ How about ‘especially so soon after dying.’ I would even say that your story would carry more tension if , instead of her thinking she was dead, she was, instead, bewildered and baffled, not knowing what was going on. That she knew she should have died, but realizing she hadn’t, as she was somehow frozen in time, just before hitting the concrete parking lot. And have her be in a bit of shock at the sight of a real live fairy godmother there to greet her as she hung upside-down in midair. ‘Blue sparks emerged’ might be changed to ‘Blue sparks flew from the woman’s wand and coursed through Mary’s body as she found herself turning right side up again and felt her toes touching the gravel of the parking lot as she landed there.’ Or something like that.
CHAPTER THREE: Why not, instead of having them climb the fire escape, you have the fairy godmother ‘poof’ them to the balcony? Abracadabra or something more clever. ‘and they disappeared from the scene’ Perhaps rather than telling your readers where they had disappeared FROM, tell them, instead, where they went TO. Something like “With that, she grabbed Mary’s hand and before Mary had time to blink, they were standing in front of the gleaming doors of The Plaza Hotel in New York City”. Then tell of the cat and the dark shadow back at her apartment, etc.
Well, that is it for now. Except I must caution you as to your many uses of ‘-ly’ words such as ‘occasionally’, ‘briefly’, ‘tiredly’, ‘slowly’ and lots more, some of which you use multiple times in the same chapter. In almost every case (one exception would be dialogue), a sentence becomes stronger, carrying much more literary tension, when these pesky adverbs are deleted. Try it and I think you will see what I mean. Again, take the time to spin a tale, describing, in detail, the bad things as horrible and the good things, in detail, as wonderful, which will add to the fairytale feel of this piece. I hope you can decipher my comments and I hope that some of them help. GOOD LUCK and I’m backing this right now……

I may be dense, but how can anyone think this is for children? It's well-written, funny and commercial chick lit in my opinion. Anyway, love it. Backed. Lynn

Wickedly well done! Backed with pleasure -- Barry (Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys)

A compelling twist on a familiar theme. This is well written and flows so well. Mary's journey is fun and wicked to follow.

I don't think there's a great deal I can add that hasn't been said before, but here goes.
A modern twist on the old fairy tale, but I get the feeling Fairy Godmother isn't all sweetness and light, she's got some sort of agenda not usually found in Cinderella.
Mary is wonderfully confused and possibly dead, but that shadow is there wrecking posh tea time, so maybe all is not as it might seem.
And I like the cat, but having one that's a mean old git myself, I have a soft spot for mean old moggies.

Well crafted and a good read. Only you're writing about a 30-yr-old woman to a much younger audience, that's my sole reservation. Shelved.

582 people have already said it all.

How on earth this has a red arrow I will never comprehend.

This is quality writing. It belongs on the ED.

Bravo and Backed with pleasure
Suzannah Burke

Backed January 13.

Jesse - Savant

http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=14062

A charming up-to-date older Cinderella tale. Can the fairy godmother pull off improving the outlook of Mary? An original and humorous way to look at an all too common situation. Best of luck.

A charming older modern Cinderella tale. Can the fairy godmother pull off improving the outlook of Mary? An original and humorous way to look at an all too common situation. Best of luck.

I love fairy god mother stories, especially if they are set in the present day, with adults. This is charming and well written magical realism...which is what I like best. Backed.

wow

what i thought wasn't for me turns out 2 b for me very entertaining read throughly enjoyed it. the charcaters are very vibrant and clearly a lot of thought has been put into them. its got the beggining s of a great book top marks

R

Patricia,

You asked for a swap read 112 days ago, and as I've been offline in the meantime and am now catching up, here I am.

I agree with many of the sentiments below; charming, witty, snappy and dry. A very easy read, and a fun premise. My crit would be that I found it too simplistic, and the short sentence and paragraph structure too clipped; however I assume this is aimed at children (although the genres don't say that) and I am a full grown hairy bloke, so maybe it's a personal thing.

Not my bag, but nicely done and I can see from the myriad of comments that it tickles plenty of fancies.

All the best

Stanny

Hi Patricia,

This light-hearted story is well written and easy to rad. In fact, I read much more of it than planned, which I don't really have time to do. It's definitely a page turner.

Ron