Never been convinced of them.
They are essential.
Since I wrote it 2 years ago.
Never, never was completely sure.
Even, before authonomy I felt that to many descriptions weighed to heavy on those pages.
Is there anyboy who could look at them, if I send them to you (write in private).
The rest I know excactl what to cut on how to fix the grammar).
But those 4 have been bothering for ages. It's basically one chapter (made of 4 pages).
And not only I'm I bold enough to ask for help. But it should be done within Saturday.


and BTW.
Last morning at 6.00 while going to the train station I met the young cuban drug dealer.
Coming home at 22:00 I met him again.
And he's like 'Man, you sure break your back!"
I got more love and understanding from a young cuban drug dealer than the woman.
I've decided that gonna be my third book, one day.
I dreamt the covers.
Snow filled tight cobble streets. With barquoe building filled with snow.
And the shadows of me and the drug dealer talking.
ANYWAY about those 4 pages.
It would be A REAL FAVOR I ASK...
THEY ARE the wrost in the book... BUT I need a solution. Thank you.
Needless, to say, I repay the favor

Posted: 07/02/2012 12:19:18

What are you asking?


Posted: 07/02/2012 12:28:38

Hey,
Am asking for someone* to read them, and highlight the FAT.
Or tell me, what I should be chopping away. Or telling me what's too much.
Cause I think I over repeat myself. But I can't figure out, how to cut it.
Unfortunately they are key pages.
And that's it.

someone* : Even though beggars can't be choosers. If your one of those people who follow a writing book, without any personal critique, as in, every thing YOUR book sais is the GOLDEN RULE, please violently ABSTAIN from this.
I do NOT TRUST NAZIS. thank you.
Writing books are good, as a source to un-block you in parts. BUT not to be follower AD-VERBIM.

Posted: 07/02/2012 19:51:38

I'll bump myself, cause what I ask for is urgent.

Should I just post those 4 pages here...
(Those 4 pages do not represent my MASTERPIECE as a whole, but they are in the first chapters, so it's essential..really, really essential).
Any, good hearts out there?

Posted: 07/02/2012 20:13:31

@Milo - I so owe you some help my friend.

I am off work from Friday onwards for 12 days I will read them and then we can chat about stuff - I always smile when I see you. I tell you what Milo, you are exactly what this site should be all about - in many ways, you are its soul.

I'll come back to you Friday with my thoughts on your four page chapter.

Laters

Rob


Posted: 07/02/2012 20:18:43

THANKS ROB.
First: Checked out hurt, and other things.
Now, if you ever write a memoir. I'll be the first to buy it.
A memoir of THOSE infamous days: And include, even the side-anectodes. Everything.



SECONDLY.
Just because it's you. Am embarassed to show the worst 4 pages.
I would have liked to give you the BEST 4 pages. It would have been better someone anonymous. BUT faith as wanted this way.

OK:
MY MISSION :The ideal would be to cut here and there and make it 1 or 2
Now, the rest of the book, I could easily weed out.
But with these 'ugly' 4 pages, I feel autistic.

I'm feel like am stuck in a corner. And my head, for the life of me, can't turn around and see the rest of the room.

Just in this scene.

I feel, there is something over-abundant. My main concern is for trimming and cutting.


BTW :
The characters seem more immature here that the rest of the book, which is alright.
Don't get me wrong, none of them will ever win a nobel prize.
But still..

SO, your help is vital.(FOR THE GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, don't worry about it. I know. How and where should I trim it.
BTW, NEVER EVER LIKED THESE PAGES, but they are essential
(I like it when they are in Ireland, not in an airport, that's boring, just thinking about it).

Thanks.

Posted: 08/02/2012 12:16:01

Sorry, for the almost soulless message.
It's that I wrote it, in a very quick time (like now) on the internet aty work.
Where there is only one PC that has Internet...

Posted: 08/02/2012 19:03:55

That was nice to see...someone reaching out for help, and Rob gallantly stepping up.

It's positive interactions like this that help override the bitter taste trolls like writer jane can leave behind.

Posted: 08/02/2012 19:12:07

If I felt at all competent or capable I would have been happy to help the delightful Milo, but I don't. So kudos, Rob, as always, the perfect gentleman.


PP, WJ was such an obvious fraud! Some people have way too much time on their hands.





Posted: 08/02/2012 19:18:08

@AntoniaMarlow
It's since I sent it to Rob.
That I've been worried.
I can just picture him.
Glass of ruby red wine, sitting on a chair next to the fire place, staring at my 4 pages.
Thinking "WHAT THA F*CK, have I done
"What'did I get in to?"

'Cause it's true it's only 4 pages. BUt when you read them, it feels like 34 pages.
If it's too heavy:
I'd propose a Milo-counter-fobic move.
We could put those '34' pages on the thread, on Rob could show NOT only me, but everyone, some editing.
Cause I think I did EVERY MISTAKE IN THE "BOOK"

O.T
There was the Checov quote More of a little discourse, actually.
That I was looking for, to put in the forum.
I googled the key words, but couldn't find it anywhere.
So, on saturday a little buzzed a bought on AMAZON: Essential Tales of Chekhov and completely forgot about it.

Today, I checked my email, and its like 'YOUR chekhov has arrived'.
It took me 4 minutes to figure out. Am like what? who? Why? etc..
Then I remembered...

Posted: 09/02/2012 12:15:49
Last Edit: 10/02/2012 11:10:33 by Milorossi