I like the premise so far and I really like the rooftop running. I'm intrigued enough to keep reading, so I'll put this on my shelf. Looking towards publishing, I think you could make this stronger from the start by leading with Tristan running across the rooftops, thinking about having to leave tow... view book

Hi Marita, thanks for the comments. I've been reading the work out loud and I know i have to cut down or pace a lot of the sentences. Good advice. The book is in the comedy genre, but I have 4 choices so sometimes it doesn't show. I think I'll get rid of the word spit or spat. And thanks for the com... view book

When I started this I thought of Richard Price and Clockers. Really good description and conflict right from the start. I like all the little details that lead me into this world and the unique characters that play common roles, for instance Tama's mother cherishing her one extra inch. That's great.... view book

You do a great job of building the tension and setting up page-turning scenes. I like the premise and the internal thoughts of the narrator. I've only read three chapters so far but I'll put it on my shelf and keep reading. Also very good description. One tech comment in the first line. "When the si... view book

You do a really good job with dialog, and there are many interesting things that happen in the first few chapters. Since this is written mostly as a play-by-play account, you might want to take some time between observations and memories to further describe emotions and wants and likes and dislikes.... view book