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T Kirby-Jones

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first registered 27.01.09

last online 1046 days ago

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about me

In 2006, I abandoned a very sensible career and ran away to London to join the circus. Finding only equally sensible employment in local government, I compensated by moving into a shared house. This provided all the excitement of a circus and much more besides. As my friends warned, it took less than a year before I wanted to kill my housemates. Investigating the legalities, I discovered that murdering caricatures of the little wretches in fiction carried a significantly lesser jail term, and turned my energies to that. Friends and family seemed to find my bile and venom amusing, and the project grew to the size of a badly-written novel, after which I promptly forgot about it. When I received four copies of Oonagh O’ Hagan’s ‘I Lick My Cheese – And Other Notes From The Frontline of Flat-sharing’ last Christmas I began to realise that the horror of sharing one’s abode with other human beings was a wide-spread phenomenon. Surprised to find no evidence of comic literature on the subject, I decided to apply myself to editing my own musings into a coherent novel. This process has absorbed me so thoroughly that my home remains corpse-free to date.

NOTE: Lest there be confusion – I took my main character’s name as a pen name for this site. I do not go by Thomas Kirby-Jones in my day-to-day life. Nor have I ever killed my housemates. Even when they really deserved it.

favourite books

Three Men in a Boat - Jerome K Jerome
The Secret History - Donna Tartt
Middlemarch - George Elliott
The Poisonwood Bible - Barbara Kingsolver
Anything by PG Wodehouse
If This is a Man - Primo Levi
Memoirs of a Dutiful Daughter - Simone de Beauvoir
The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks

my websites

    

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my books

How To Kill Your Housemates

Thomas Kirby-Jones

Sharing a house with human beings is rarely a good idea. As Thomas Kirby-Jones discovers, it can even lead to a spot of mass-murder.


Thomas Kirby-Jones has been avoiding adult life very successfully since he finished university. But real life has finally caught up with him, and it’s time to get a job, grow up and make some important decisions. So he avoids them all by moving into the majestic 49 Carnagie Close with his sister and her four well-intentioned friends, who convince him that it will be a hippie idyll of intelligent, considerate, like-minded people living in harmonious civility. Of course it all goes wrong, just as his friends warn him it will.

There has to be a simple solution to the mess his life has become within six months. Perhaps he could get rid of the guests who won’t leave, or the rats, or the six competing music systems. Napalm might quell the garden and a chemical weapon might clean the bathrooms. If really pushed, he could even do the washing up. But that’s not Tom’s style, and he’s quite sure it will only take a little ingenuity to kill his housemates instead.

 

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my comments

latest

I wrote 1074 days ago

This really is good. Very, very good. Proper page-turner. I read a few chapters with care, and then became utterly fascinated with the story and tore through everything else you put up. Very annoyed to have run out of chapters, too. Great idea, consistently tense, but more than that, this is love... view book

I wrote 1079 days ago

I wasn’t sure about the pitch, but this is well-written and has great pace. The first four chapters are an excellent set up, and establish a really convinced protagonist. I really liked the back-story of the beginning of his life as a preacher – very well-judged. Shelved. view book

I wrote 1079 days ago

A superb and professional piece of writing with a strong story and an intriguing idea behind it. Put me in mind of The Life of Pi. You may say this is YA, but I can't see this being confined to such an audience. Get back on the Ed’s Desk. You deserve your place there, sir. view book

I wrote 1082 days ago

In the words of Denis Leary – I think I smell a lawsuit in that one… Fabulous, ridiculous, wonderful, insane stuff. And very, very funny. There must be a way for this to be slid past the lawyers and into bookshops. I want this book in the top 5. I want to see the HC editors’ comments. Oh, how ... view book

I wrote 1082 days ago

Pleeease take an axe to the exclamation marks. Sometimes I think we have all become falsely sensitised to such things (I read my mother’s all-caps emails with one pained hand to my head) but I think you should bow to the masses on this one. I for one would love to come back and re-read this (and I t... view book

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